Greek s03e12 Episode Script

You planned this? - So we'd get caught.
- Comes down to choosing between friends and brothers.
- You have to choose brothers.
- Your choice is pretty clear.
- What are you doing here? - Rain check.
Remember? We'd like to congratulate Russell Cartwright on being this year's grand recipient.
There's a reason it didn't work out with Fisher.
- He cheated on me again.
- What? - Jasmine.
- Someone gave us a 0/100? This one judge, Ryan.
He also gave the Gamma Psi's a 100.
- That's so shady.
- We determined the fire was started accidentally by a candle.
Jasmine, I believe.
You know you're in for a hard class it's still this is a "Nine Pages".
You're in for a hard class when you sign up to be an engineer, so get it together, Gary Wyatt Grant winner.
You want to go grab some coffee before lab? No can do.
My hot cocoa money is going directly into the piggy bank so I can fund my project research.
We don't all have forty grand burning a hole in our pockets.
Is your fly open or something? Everybody keeps staring at you.
- This is a new shirt.
- Rusty? It's Dana? From Space Plasma Physics? - We met at orientation? - Freshman orientation? I had the shirt with the butterflies on it.
- Why am I talking to you? - I have no idea.
To congratulate you on winning the Gary Wyatt Grant.
It's Well, I have to get to the science lab, so I wonder if they're gonna have snacks today.
- All this because of the Grant? - You know what they say, more money, more problems.
Which one of these hotties are you gonna hit? Why not Dana's digits? I don't know.
She seemed kinda odd, didn't she? Don't get too picky, Rus.
I got a feeling those sorority row brainiacs you consort with - aren't gonna have the same reaction.
- Okay, very funny.
Hi, Katherine.
How are you? Did you have fun at the Fairy Tale Ball? It was fine.
You know how I feel about parties.
Right, I know.
But how do you feel about today? IFC/Panhellenic meeting, first one.
Big day.
- It could be a very big day for you.
- Really.
- Like how big of a day? - I think you know what I'm getting at, I'm not gonna keep it from you any longer.
Yeah, I know.
The Vice President of Judicial position is still open.
You turned it down last semester, but I was gonna give it another ask.
You've been so supportive with the Gamma Psi fire and so patient with the SongFest judging, I thought I could trust you of all people to help me.
- As your VPJ? - Without delay.
Did you see that? I'm so excited to have you in the position, I'm resorting to silly rhymes.
- So are you in? - Of course.
Great, I already have your 1st task.
I need you to look into the events surrounding the Gamma Psi fire.
Really? I thought the police said it was just an accident.
I told them I blew out the candle, but they're not taking me seriously.
Something fishy went on that night and it's driving me crazy not knowing what it is, and I am sure, you can find out what happened.
Of course, Katherine, I will get to the bottom of this mystery.
- One more thing - Yeah? My own clipboard? - Oh, my - Commencing, people, let's start.
Old business: the tutoring program was a roaring success.
We received rave reviews from all local teachers.
Moving on So - big class.
- Yeah.
My sorority calls it "Marketing for Dummies", because Professor Clarissa's so desperate to be cool, she gives everyone A's.
Awesome, right? I myself could use an easy A.
Got a pretty heavy load this semester, since I won the Gary Wyatt Innovation in Engineering Grant.
I'm gonna be pretty busy doing extra research.
Well, I won't keep you.
I see my friend! Baby Brother Cartwright! You're taking Marketing for Dummies? You seem crabby.
I just got shot down by a girl that I talked about science.
Oh, no.
Which one? That one.
The blonde.
Erika Miller? She is hot.
So one girl thought you were a geek.
One of the guys who asked me out last week thought I was a sophomore.
- Can you believe that? - That's not quite the same situation.
Stupid laptop! I think I got a virus downloading a picture of what was supposed to be Robert Pattinson naked, but it was a cat playing the piano.
Let me take a look at it.
Might as well put my nerdiness to some use, right? - I haven't had a date since, - Jordan? Right? Well, I took my cheating boyfriend back and got cheated on again, so I'm sorry, Ash.
Just trying to get your attention! Can I get a what-what? Marketing Rule Number One: know your target audience.
Case! Case, come on, where's the fire? I don't think it's a good idea that we talk, Evan.
What, Cappie hates me, so you have to hate me too? - I'm mad at you 'cause I'm mad at you! - And you won't give me a way - to apologize? - There's nothing you can say! We were all friends again.
Why'd you have to screw it up? You screwed it up! By getting back together with Cappie and expecting me to be third wheel in your fantasy re-creation of freshman year.
Look! Case, you know how important it was to me to win my house back.
Way to rationalize.
See? In honor of Fisher.
- It's called Burnt Betrayal.
- Burnt? - Did they find out? Are we screwed? - No, Betsy.
You're safe.
Everyone is still really on edge about the fire.
Sorry! What fire? The Gamma Psi fire.
The one that your candle started.
Come on, you're not worried we're gonna get in trouble? The only worry I have right now is having to wake up at seven tomorrow to try to add another class.
I hate waiting in lines.
It's so Midwest.
Heather and Reagan nearly came to blows over a parking space.
I think the girls are still nervous.
Affirmative.
How was the meeting? Was Katherine weird? You know, more than usual? Is it weird she gave me the VP of Judicial position and my first task is to investigate the Gamma Psi fire? - My God! - Yeah.
No more fire talk for me, thanks.
I'm gonna watch TV.
Complete and utter denial.
It's almost pathological.
It's Rebecca.
You know, if you're in charge of the investigation, you could always investigate it away from us.
And abuse my authority and continue to lie to Katherine, which is killing me inside? I can't stand the guilt anymore! Yeah.
All the sisters are on edge, too.
We need to give them something else to focus on.
Maybe, philanthropy? For Gamma Psi! Maybe that could help us feel better.
Maybe trot out the old bachelor auction fundraiser.
- The cops are here! - It's just General Hospital.
Turn it off! The philanthropy is a good idea.
You take care of that, and I'm gonna start my big fake investigation.
Over the holidays, Brother Barry and I were fortunate enough to attend a secret conference.
In Akron.
Birthplace of the United States trucking industry.
I can't say more.
Anyone else do anything interesting? I traveled to South America with my family and assisted in a ritual sacrifice.
You know who didn't assist people over break? - Drop it,.
- Why? Don't you stand by your actions? Or are you embarrassed to have these people find out what an ass-clown you really are? I'm not gonna apologize for doing what I had to do for my house.
- You'd do the same if.
- My house would never ask me to screw with people's lives because we aren't a bunch of whiney, spoiled brats! No, you're just a bunch of losers who will still be living there while the rest of us, including your girlfriend, have real lives.
The sacred urn! Don't let it touch the ground! My gosh! Not the sacred robe, Jenna! Amphora does not tolerate personal conflict to the detriment of the group.
Brother Brett, is there a procedure to remove an Amphora who has betrayed another Amphora? Or to remove one who never deserved to be here in the first place? - You fixed it! - Yeah, we just had to r e-install some software.
- And I helped.
- Thank you! Dale Kettlewell.
We've met a couple times At the End of the World party.
And I saw you at the Espresso Farm one time.
- Welcome to ZBZ! - Actually, I've been here before, too.
To talk to Casey about Bible Bunch.
And remember that time when you.
I get it! You're being funny! OK, so guys, thank you so much for all of your help.
I really appreciate it.
Just think of us as your own personal Geek Squad.
Spread the word.
I could use the cash.
- Not that you offered to pay.
- Another good one! Wait! I just had a great idea.
We were gonna do this bachelor auction with normal guys but why don't we do, like, a nerd auction? That way we can help Gamma Psi and the Cyprus-Rhodes nerd population.
Nerd auction? I'll do it for ten percent of the profits.
- You're too much! - OK, five.
I could invite the entire campus, including Erika.
How will it help me get a date to advertise myself as a nerd? Girls like Erika don't like nerds.
Weren't you listening to Professor Clarissa today? I was distracted when she kept doing the robot.
You can market anything in the right package.
Nerds make great boyfriends.
They are funny, they are smart and loyal, and they can address all your high-tech needs.
Which includes you, Rusty Cartwright.
Why not? Erika Miller, watch out.
Here comes Rusty Cartwright on the chopping block! - Auction block.
- You are gonna bring in big money with that sense of humor.
- Have you ever done stand-up? - No.
No, I have not.
"You will succeed where others fail.
" Sounds like after three years, I'm finally getting into Human Sexuality class.
What is the big deal with that class, anyway? An entire class dedicated to sex complete with pictures of lady-parts and man-business? I won't look at the lady parts if you don't want me to, though.
You'd do that for me? Except that just leaves man-business.
So that's weird.
Casey, I'm ready for my bedtime story.
I have to read Mayor A n-JELL-O by Thursday, and I couldn't find the book on tape.
- I'll be right there.
- OK.
Is that blood on your pants? No, no, no.
Wine of the ancients.
Evan and I got into an altercation at Amphora today.
Brett said he was gonna consider how to "address our conflict.
" I hope he just kicks him out like the university did Wade, Ferret and Jeremy.
At least you only have to see him once a week.
He and I are in the same poli-sci class this semester not to mention our joint IFC/Panhel meetings, - where I saw him today.
- Did you talk to him? He tried to get me to forgive him.
He just keeps rationalizing by saying he did it for the house.
What? What'd I say? Hurting others for the sake of the house.
Isn't that kind of what I did to Gamma Psi? - It's totally different.
- How? Because Evan is a douche.
While you are my amazing and great girlfriend who promised me an erotic backrub before we go to sleep tonight.
Evan set out to screw us, OK? You only broke in to Gamma Psi because you knew they cheated.
- The rest was an accident.
- Right.
So? So, I'll be back in 15 minutes.
Twenty if Beaver's fussy.
It feels so crunchy.
What is wrong with my old hair? We don't have time to get into it.
I thought the whole point of the nerd auction was to celebrate my nerdiness.
So why do I need a makeover? Think of me as your own personal Photoshop.
We are just retouching your nerdiness.
Taking you from nerd to nerd-chic! Think Harry Potter or Tina Fey.
Those are just people with glasses.
Glasses.
We have to get you some glasses.
Are you kidding me? The one no nerdy thing I have is perfect vision.
These will be nerd-chic glasses.
It's all in the packaging.
But isn't it what's on the inside that really counts? You're serious.
Erika will never notice your great interior until she is lured in by a nerd-chic exterior.
It's uto you though.
Get the date with the dream girl or spend the rest of your life reading Us Weekly, pretending you're the one caught between two hot co-stars.
- I don't read Us Weekly.
- Sorry, that was me last night.
So what's it gonna be? Crunchy, or lonely? - I guess crunchy.
- Good answer.
- What is that smell? - Angie had a little too much to drink and I guess I can't expect her to clean it up because she's passed out.
- Katherine, I am so sorry.
- She's gonna be fine.
- I rolled her on her stomach.
- Not that.
I want to talk to you about the fire.
Do you have any new details? And I want to thank you so much for looking into this.
I want to reassure you that I haven't forgotten about the SongFest investigation.
I'm gonna get into that just as soon as I can because I know that Ryan, the theater judge, gave ZBZ a zero, - which is highly suspicious.
- You know what? Don't worry about it.
SongFest is no big deal.
It's not a fire.
No, but it is an injustice.
So about your findings? I'm still finding, actually.
I haven't found much.
It's only been a day, so I won't expect a miracle.
But I wanna tell you, Casey, that I believe in you.
And I really misunderstood you when we first met.
I thought you were a vapid amoral sorority stereotype but you proved me wrong.
That seldom happens, so Pardon me.
I'm a professor.
I'm narcoleptic.
I need to sign in before I fall asleep.
Thanks.
My girlfriend's in labor aCounty General.
Can I cut in before the baby crowns? If that's even the right term.
See how badly I need this class? Thanks.
Can I So you knocked Casey up? Now what? Move to the suburbs, live on love? You're not cutting in front of me.
I've been here since 7.
Come on, I'd bet my own man-business that you tricked your way up the line, too, little missy.
Who needs trickery when you look like this? No more banter? Things have to be awkward between us now you're dating Casey? No, but Let's hope we both don't get into the class.
She'll freak.
It's a sex class.
- She trusts me.
- Barf.
Don't "barf" me, Rebecca.
I've seen your soft side.
You're not completely alone type.
No.
And it just so happens I did recently have an encounter.
Sounds like an alien.
- Do I know space invader in question? - Who cares? It's going anywhere.
It's just sex, which is the only thing that actually works between men and women.
Don't say that.
My God.
I can't be friends with you while you're in love.
It's really unsightly.
You can make fun of me all you want, but I'd hate to see you blow a chance - to be happy.
- Do I should go for it? I really do.
The space invader is Evan Chambers.
Barf.
Thanks everyone for waiting.
But you might as well go home.
There is only one ad d-in spot for the class, and Professor Dabia is very choosy.
- Mine.
- That's what you think.
- Who are you playing Risk with? - Me, myself and Kettlewell.
Nice glasses, J.
J.
Tell me, have you figured out how Lost is gonna end yet? For your information, it's called nerd-chic, and Ashleigh said it's just the ticket to getting me a date with Erika.
She's picking out an outfit for me, too.
Congratulations.
And congratulations to the left side of my brain, which has conquered Australasia.
Come on, Dale, why don't you let her make you over? Samir and all those other guys are doing it.
As groovy as that sounds, I'm not gonna go behind A&P with you to smoke grass.
Come on.
Peer pressure? That's beneath you, Rusty.
And I don't need a makeover.
I already have glasses.
It's about capturing the best part of your nerd essence.
So let me get this straight.
You're a nerd, who wants to look like a better nerd, in order to attract someone who's not a nerd.
You'd sing a different tune if you experienced the magic of retouching - for yourself.
- We don't believe in that in my church.
- Turns you blind.
- Is that why you need glasses? Touché.
Look, if you're here to yell at me again I'm sorry about that.
I wasn't being fair.
So you're here to apologize? Kinda.
And to ask you how you deal with the guilt.
Because - Because why? - Because I feel guilty, too.
About blowing me off at Panhellenic? For burning down the Gamma Psi house.
You burned down the Gamma Psi house? Inadvertently.
But yes, kind of.
It was my idea.
We broke in, and you're the only person on this campus who can understand.
So I need to know.
How do you deal with the guilt of getting those Kts expelled? Well it happened.
And there's nothing I can do about it now.
Well, the guilt is eating away at me.
Especially because Katherine is being so nice.
And the Zbzs are, like, falling apart.
It's getting so bad that I think I I think I have to confess.
Is it like that for you, too? No.
It's not.
Because I know why I did what I did.
- But people got hurt.
- And I feel sorry for them.
But how would confessing help? Maybe if I explain that it was an accident? done that to begin with and then everything would be fine.
Listen to me, Okay? This is a big mistake.
Maybe it is.
But I can't live with it anymore.
Ashleigh.
You sure I don't look stupid? Dale was making fun of me.
He's just jealous.
How could you look stupid? - You look like a nerd.
A chic one.
- There she is.
Go.
Work that sweater vest.
Do we know each other? We talked in marketing the other day about my engineering grant? Right, the research guy.
- You look different.
- I didn't have glasses then.
I'm Rusty and this is for you.
A nerd auction.
The Zbzs are selling you guys? - Will you be up for auction? - I sure will be.
- Three o'clock.
- Then I'll definitely be there.
I'll see you then.
Thanks.
- What an oddly-shaped room.
- Yeah, the trash chute cuts in a little, but I'm the only one of us displaced gals with a single.
- Presidential privilege? - Yep! So, I'm surprised to see you, Casey.
But I'm glad you're here so we can clear the air.
Things got a little hostile last semester and I really hate that.
The fire made me realize what was really important, so I was hoping we could start fresh.
Funny you should mention the fire, because I Look, Fiddler.
You were saying? I was the one who broke into the Gamma Psi house and lit the candle that started the fire that burned the house down.
- But it was an accident! - You what? I know.
I'm so sorry, but I just meant to break in.
Why? I guess I was just so surprised that Gamma Psi won SongFest, so You burned down our house? But I'm here now, and I am taking responsibility and I am willing to face the consequences.
I appreciate you coming forward.
I can only assume you're here to try and make it up to us? Make it up to you? I guess Like how? Wait, I have an idea.
You could give us your house.
- You mean, like, for the weekend? - Don't be silly How is that gonna help? I mean until ours is rebuilt.
The contractor says it'll take a year but you know how they are.
Seems like a fair trade.
You burned ours down.
That's crazy.
Which seems like a big job for such a slender girl.
I don't think you acted alone.
- But I did.
- Not buying it.
So unless you want me to implicate the entire ZBZ sisterhood, you're gonna have to give up your house.
Then we'll call it even.
But we're doing a philanthropy for you And we really appreciate it.
Let me guess.
You're staking our Prof Dabia's car to flirt your way into class Sex professors are notoriously ambisexual.
So I figured I'd give it a shot.
Great minds think alike.
See, that's where we part ways, because I would never think of dating Evan.
Why do you even care? You and I barely talk, so who says you have right to tell me what to do? Maybe I don't.
But I do care about you and getting involved with Evan would be - a big mistake.
- If you really care about me let me have the spot in class and stop telling me what to do.
- Not a chance.
- Hi, Professor Dabia.
You kids these days are shameless.
- Hi.
- What are you doing? I'm just trying to figure out how to tell Ashleigh I just lost the ZBZ house.
Or how to tell Cappie that I'm getting expelled, and I am talking to you about it.
- What happened? - I confessed, and Natalie wants the ZBZ house in exchange for her silence.
Of course she wants our house! - How did I not see this coming? - How could you, it's completely insane.
I know and I'm starting to think Natalie is, too! Having our house, on top of all the sympathy they got from the fire, is exactly what she wants right now.
She's hell-bent on keeping Gamma Psi #1 and I'm still convinced one of them, probably her, - rigged SongFest.
- Well then, you know what? - You might not be totally screwed.
- What do you mean? Natalie clearly doesn't want to turn you in.
It serves her needs to work outside of the system.
So maybe you fight fire with fire.
That's bad choice of words.
I'm sorry.
What I'm trying to say is: if you do think that Natalie was up to something shady during SongFest, maybe you should find out what it was.
It's a really good place to start.
Thanks, Evan.
Erika's not here yet.
Really? But you wore glasses.
Look, some of our ladies are here.
- What are you doing here? - Ash, I didn't know you'd This is a private party.
And my bar.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
We can just go.
- Good idea.
He looked puffy anyway.
- Ashleigh, are you Okay? - Yeah, I had to run into him sometime.
All right, guys, ready to do this? Is it Diana? Dana.
For the second time.
She's here.
Let's go.
Good afternoon, everyone.
So let's get started.
OK, great.
So, all the proceeds Ninety-five percent of the proceeds go to help Gamma Psi rebuild from their tragic fire.
So, ladies of CRU, why settle for the same old fraternity guys? Our nerds can impress your parents and program your computers.
So, let's start with Rusty Cartwright.
Rusty is the winner of an engineering grant.
Which is a really big deal.
He once built his own DVR and look how cute he is.
- So, do I have any bidders? - Twenty dollars! - Twenty-five! - Thirty! Maybe I'll get two girls tonight.
Nice.
- Forty dollars! - Fifty dollars! Going once, going twice and sold to Erika from Tri-Pi.
How sweet.
But don't be fooled! He looks nice but as soon as he gets a chance, Rusty will cheat on you, just like every other guy in the history of the planet! Do we have thirty? Thirty for thi sizzling electrical engineer? What was that all about? You sabotaged me in front of everyone.
You were supposed to help me get a date.
One date with one girl But the minute another girl bid on you, - you were all over that.
- It's an auction.
It was a joke! Is this about Fisher? - OK, I'm not Fisher.
- I'm starting to think - all guys are potential Fishers.
- That's not fair.
I saw you blow off that science girl who tried to talk to you.
You may be a nerd, but you're not very nice.
- Yes, I am! - And sold! To the vixen with the retainer in the front row.
My God! In la flesh.
Do I know you? I guess you could say I'm a fan.
You're such a talented actor.
Are you rehearsing a new play? Hair.
Is that the one where everyone gets naked? It's so much more than that.
But yes, I will be nude in it.
Awesome.
Is it cheesy if I ask you for your autograph? You're kind of famous on campus.
Weren't you one of the celebrity SongFest judges? I was going to ask you there, but I got kind of star-struck.
- You were at SongFest.
- Yes.
And I'm wondering as an actor and celebrity SongFest judge, how does one, prepare? - In the theater.
- And in SongFest judging? It's all about authenticity.
For instance, last semester when I did Fiddler, I was able to transport myself to fin de siècle tsarist Russia by eating nothing but beet soup for two months - and growing a beard.
- "Fiddler" on the Roof? Yes.
So, are we gonna go get a drink, or what? I'd love to, but won't Natalie mind? Yeah, I think I saw you with her? Isn't she your girlfriend? No, I am single and available.
Natalie and I just made love.
In exchange for giving ZBZ a zero in SongFest, right? Sex as a negotiating tactic in the theater is universal.
We're noas puritanical as the rest of you.
And you can't prove ything.
Maybe I can.
It was so nice to meet you.
I thought you might be a little hungry after all that bidding.
That's nice, but I'm actually on this cleanse.
No problem.
I wanna reassure you, despite what Ashleigh said, I'm no cheater.
That's fine.
So how's tomorrow night Can you come by Tri-Pi around eight? Eight is great.
It's a date.
And don't forget your tools.
- Tools? - A few of the other girls might need you, too.
We all pooled our money together to bid on you.
- How many of you? - 6, 7? You can start with my TiVo I know Pam's laptop has been acting up Would you also be willing to tutor? Our house GPA sucks this year.
I can't believe we missed the nerd auction.
I always wanted my own nerd.
Maybe next year.
Easy for you to say.
You have Rusty.
Bing just landed.
I don't like that look in your eye You shouldn't have tried so hard to get me not to date Evan.
You can have the spot in human sexuality class.
Just walk away.
I hate following orders.
Sorry, Cap.
I can't believe she's gonna hook up with Chambers just to spite me.
When someone's a friend, you have to let them make their own mistakes.
Like when you let me lick that battery.
Three times.
It's good to see you.
Yeah, sorry to leave you hanging like that.
At the Fairy Tale Ball.
Maybe I can make it up to you? You mean, like a date? - Yeah, like a date.
- Then it's a date.
Thank you so much for meeting me on such short notice.
Sorry.
I assume you're here to offer me the ZBZ house? We're waiting for one other person to meet us.
Sorry I'm late.
So, what is this all about? I'm here to give you my final report about the fire.
- Really? - I really didn't need to investigate.
Because I know who started the fire.
I did.
But it was an accident.
I was investigating the SongFest judging.
That is not an excuse, but I hope it's a mitigating factor - and maybe someday you'll forgive me.
- For burning down my house? Fair enough, fair enough.
I just couldn't stand keeping the truth from you anymore.
Because I respect you so much.
So much, I think that there is - something else you need to know.
- What could possibly top that? I confessed everything to Natalie yesterday and in exchange, she blackmailed me for the ZBZ house.
And she was so obsessed with beating ZBZ that she slept with Judge Ryan Yarlbrough in exchange for Gamma Psi's SongFest victory.
Is that what all your provocative lingerie is for? You running around trading sexual favors for Blue Ribbon points? You may think you're above sorority politics but I am the one keeping us on top.
And you can't prove anything.
Those score sheets burned in the fire.
Do you mean these score sheets? Like I said, do you mean these score sheets? - Where did you get those? - Where else? Your house, the night of the fire.
Looks like we both screwed up.
But if your mistake comes out, Gamma Psi's reputation will be ruined.
Maybe for good.
I think before, you mentioned something about the possibility of calling it even? Right? And I was like: "I burnt down your house by accident, but you're a devious slut on purpose".
Cappie will be here any minute.
My God.
So I can finally tell the sisters it's over? Yep.
Katherine will never speak to me again, but there's nothing I can do about that.
Can you believe Casey? She's like a sorority vigilante! I figured out a solution to our Gamma Psi problem and I had some help from an unlikely source.
Hang on, I'm sorry.
I'm still imagining you as a sorority vigilante.
You're sweaty, hanging out in a air-conditioning duct, with your biceps just ripped to shreds.
It's sexy.
The unlikely source was Evan.
Don't be mad.
I thought he would understand.
You think what I did is different than what he did, but let's face it.
You can't be objective because you're my awesome boyfriend.
What is with the women in my life giving this douche endless 2nd chances? The women in your life? That came out wrong.
I meant Rebecca.
That really came out wrong.
Okay, when you were asking Ev's for advice, I was trying to give some to Rebecca.
Advice, that is.
Give some advice to stay away from Evan, and she wouldn't listen.
Rebecca not listen to someone telling her what to do? I'm shocked.
Is that weird for you? Me and Rebecca talking? We both might get into that human sexuality class.
Human sexuality? Perfect! And why would it be weird for me? It's not weird for you that I talked to Evan? Of course not.
I mean, that would make me a hypocrite.
Yeah.
It's not weird.
It's normal.
So normal, it's mundane! Yeah, I'm bored by it.
All these girls are fawning over me, but to Erika, I was just a nerd.
I warned you.
I, on the other hand, had a great night with Bridget the biomedical engineer.
Sure, she's got a couple of facial tics, but they were only mildly off-putting.
And that retainer comes out, if you know what I mean.
No, not really.
I hate to rub it in, going to meet her now.
Gonna use some of my cut from the auction to buy her a coco.
See ya.
I'm sorry for not remembering your name at Dobler's.
Well, you should be sorry.
We actually have a lot in common.
And did you know that I've had a crush on you since we met at orientation? Of course not! I liked you even when you were The Anchor.
You did? Guys like you are the reason my mother wanted me to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wait, what? Kindergarten teachers are girly and nonthreatening.
But, oh boy, you become a female engineer and you just sentence yourself to dying alone in a lab! - I don't want you to die.
- Because even guys who are dorks, like you, they think they're too good for you and want, you know, some hot sorority chick instead! Where does that leave girls like me, Rusty? Yes, I know I'm a little off-putting when you first meet me.
And yes, I had a lazy eye until corrective surgery at age ten.
And yes, I have two pet salamanders, which some people find weird, and sometimes I have gum in my mouth and it falls out while I'm talking! But, you know does that mean I don't deserve a chance from a fellow nerd? That I'm not worth getting to know? Because I'm not just a nerd, Rusty.
I'm a woman.
I'm a woman with needs.
I will never forget your name again.
Maybe I could buy you a cup of coffee? Are you freaking kidding me? You blew it, Rusty.
It is way too late! Sorry I'm late, brethren.
I was just delivering a crowning baby Am I in the wrong abandoned water pumping station? Looks like we're both out.
Hi.
Sorry I yelled at you.
In front of every girl in school.
How did it go with Erika anyway? It didn't.
And Ash, I should have been more sensitive to how it felt for you to have to see Fisher.
You deserve so much better than that jerk.
Thanks.
Maybe I should have bid on a nerd myself.
Nerds can be jerks, too.
I've been a jerk.
You know that engineering girl from Dobler's? She liked me for a year and a half and I didn't even notice.
She's awkward when you first meet her, but so am I.
I'm sure you can get her to give you another chance.
I think she has too much self-respect for that.
Well, then she's missing out.
Because any girl would be lucky to have you.
You're welcome.
I can't believe you got us both in.
- So Professor Dabia's straight.
- Oh, no.
He's gay.
Sorry, you're not his type.
- But he thinks I'm fabulous.
- Of course.
And Casey really won't mind us both being in a sex class? I'd tell you how much she trusts me, but I don't want you to vomit - all over yourself before class.
- Thanks.
Speaking of Casey, she said I have to apologize to you.
I'm supposed to let the women in my life make their own choices when it comes to the people they associate with.
Even if those people are douches like Evan Chambers.
Fine.
Tell Casey I accept.
You going out with Chambers or not? - So much for butting out.
- All right.
Fine.
But just know, as your man friend, I will be there when he inevitably screws you over.
Don't worry about it.
But thanks.
Hi.
I'm here to return my VPJ clipboard and I'm assuming you'll need to replace me.
Indeed.
Okay, I'm just gonna Which is a shame, considering you are clearly clever enough for the job, given the way you bluffed Natalie yesterday.
- What do you mean? - I know those were not the real judges' score sheets, because that was not my clipboard.
Yours is hidden too well.
I couldn't find it.
So I bought an identical one.
I'm How did you know? The spring on mine is slightly rusted.
It makes a very appealing sproingy sound when opened.
And I miss it.
Sorry.
So, you're not gonna turn me in? Why? Can't you see the headline? "Sorority Mayhem.
Sexual favors and fiery revenge".
Lifetime would probably make several movie adaptations and they'd hire some mannish starlet to play me because I'm tall.
- I don't need that kind of publicity.
- Right.
I bet I could find your clipboard, if I keep looking.
You know what? Don't bother.