Kickin' It (2011) s03e12 Episode Script

Ah, Karate Con.
Three days to get new students.
You can just smell the new business in the air.
That's urinal cakes.
Our booth is practically in the men's room.
Trent Darby thinks he's all that with his perfect physique and all of his trophies and his fancy dojos.
- Yeah, what a loser.
- I know, right? Guys, guys! I can't believe it.
Sloane Jennings is here.
I am her biggest fan! All right, people, listen up.
We've come to Karate Con to find a new dojo for Sloane That will provide discipline and focus, so she can dominate the Girls' National Karate Tournament.
And to introduce my new Sloane Jennings acne scrub.
You don't have to be a black belt to fight blackheads.
Do you have any idea what this means? I can finally get rid of that patch of zits on my Rudy.
They're looking for a new dojo for Sloane.
That could be us.
Here's my book.
"The Trent Darby story".
- It's the story of - Trent Darby? Oh, you read it? I'd like to offer you my book.
It's my autobiography.
"From Rags to Rudy".
Let me guess, the story of a poor boy who rose up to be a Sensei? Uh, no.
It's the story of a boy who changed his name from "Rags" to "Rudy".
Yeah, you heard me.
I was a boy named Rags.
- Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! - That's just how we do.
- Come on! And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kicking it with you.
Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.
Everybody! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! - That's just how we do.
- Come on! And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kicking it with you.
Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Oh, you guys, we're in the wrong dojo.
Sorry, Sir.
Rudy, what did you do to the place? Sloane and her manager are on their way over here.
They said it was important to them to get to know the real us.
So I changed everything about who we are.
It has to be perfect.
Jack, Kim, go put on your formal training Gis.
Milton, Jerry, get out.
- Good call.
- On it.
Hey, Rudy, where did these new students come from? Why are they so good looking? Oh, I hired them from the karate modeling agency, Black Belt Beauties.
Rudy, I know you really want Sloane to join but don't you think you're getting a little bit crazy? No I do not.
If a superstar like Sloane comes here, I could really turn this dojo into something special.
Wow.
If Sloane came here, we'd finally have another girl in the dojo.
And all that publicity would mean new students.
And new students means more classes which means you can promote me to Sensei.
Assistant Sensei.
I think I'm having a moment.
I'm having the same moment.
Uh, guys, come on.
I really doubt you're both having the same Oh my gosh, I'm having my moment! You lied to me, Jerry.
You told me nobody would make fun of me for wearing the sweater that Julie knitted me, but everybody laughed and pointed.
Oh, there you are, you little liar.
You told me that Theo from the bakery wanted to go out on a date with me.
Uh he did.
Oh really? Huh Well, I got all dressed up and I went over there, and when I said "I'm your date," he was none too pleased.
- He was upset? - Oh, not as upset as his girlfriend was.
Next thing I know, I'm looking at the business end of a french loaf.
Relax, Joan.
It was just a little lie.
Oh.
Ah.
Yo.
Whoa.
Whoa, Donna.
Calm down.
Uh no no no.
I was with Kathy last night because I was asking her how I could make you happier.
No, because that's what you deserve.
Oh no, you're my one and only special lady.
Yes you are.
Okay, kisses.
Bye-bye.
Oh.
That was so sweet.
Oh, Donna's a lucky girl.
Joan, he's lying.
What? Oh man, he got me again.
Kickin' it with you! Oh oh! They're coming.
Places! Places! Go.
No no no! You have brought shame upon me and this dojo of excellence.
My humble apologies, great Sensei.
We hang our heads in shame.
Oh! Sloane and Vance, I didn't notice you come in What, with all of the focus and discipline.
Let me show you around.
Kim, just because Sloane's here don't freak out and get all yappy.
I do not get yappy, Jack.
- You get yappy.
Yap yap yap yap yap.
- No I don't! I'd know if I was a yapper.
- If I was a yapper - Hey hey hey.
Get these pretty people back to the agency.
But be careful.
If you get a scratch on them, I lose my deposit.
Hi, I'm Kim.
I think it's really cool you're thinking about joining our dojo.
Oh well, it's not my decision.
My manager Vance decides everything.
I'll find out tomorrow at the Karate Con press conference.
Oh well, that's the thing about managers they're always managing.
It's kind of funny actually I don't really know how I'd manage without a manager doing all the managing that I'd need to be managed I just can't stop being a yapper! Kim! - Relax.
- Okay.
I really like this place.
It's very different from the other dojos I've trained at.
Sloane, the students and I are gonna leave now.
And as we do, I hope you'll appreciate how good we look doing it.
Oh hey.
You guys here for the free midnight falafel special too? No.
We made that up because you have a problem lying, and we're gonna help you stop.
You lied to get me here to stop lying? Oh.
I did not see that coming.
Since we know you can't do this by yourself We got you a little helping hand.
I borrowed a lie detector from my friend at the Police Department And Milton modified it.
It's gonna help you learn to tell the truth.
Jerry.
When you asked to be my lab partner, did you intend on doing your share of the work? Yes I did.
Ow! I mean half of the work.
Ow! Some of the work.
I wanted you to do everything.
Jerry, we're trying to teach you to tell the truth no matter how much it hurts.
Fine.
But just so you know, this thing doesn't hurt at all.
Ow! It hurts a little.
Aah! More than a little.
Okay.
Okay, Milton.
You can turn it off.
Milton! Turn it off! Aah! Aah! Aah! Don't you get all tough with me.
Come on.
Rudy Gillespie? What are you doing here? There's no way Sloane's gonna pick your dump.
Our place is not a dump.
She's not gonna pick our dump, is she? Thank you all for coming.
After careful consideration, we have decided that Sloane will compete for nationals as a member of The Bobby Wasabi Dojo! - Yes! - No! Rudy, they picked us.
Yes! No, I'm sorry.
All of our classes are booked.
I don't care who you know.
Excuse me, there is no reason to use that kind of language.
Love you too, Mother.
Getting Sloane to join was awesome.
- I'm proud of you.
- You should be.
I exploited the skills, fame, and talents of a 14-year-old girl.
That's just good business.
Hey look! It's Sloane Jennings, everybody.
Who wants to see a little sparring? Now I know how it feels to be Milton.
Okay, Sloane needs a break.
We're going to lunch.
Okay, fine.
But if she leaves anything on her plate, get a doggie bag.
We can sell that online.
Jack, now that you're an assistant Sensei, I got you a little something.
Whoa.
My own business cards.
This is awesome.
You think that's awesome, you should check out mine.
It's a pop-up.
I'm Rudy Gillespie.
Sensei to the stars! Kickin' it with you! The old Jerry wouldn't tell the Health Inspector the truth.
But those days are over.
You see this three layer dip? The layers are grease, mold, and goat hair.
- What are you doing? - Just being honest.
Dude, after a day of being slapped silly by your truth machine, I will never lie again.
Jerry, you're taking the truth too far.
You told Julie I hated her sweater, and she broke up with me.
The truth is maybe you two weren't meant to be together.
Hey, guys.
Just grabbing a little lunch with my boss.
Oh.
So this is the guy you call "Ratface".
Uh, I do not.
Ratface, come back! I don't call you Ratface! Ratface, I swear! I am so fired.
Thanks, Jerry.
Oh, you're welcome.
Just another day of telling the truth.
Joan, what have we done? Jerry's truth-telling has upset the natural order of the Universe.
Maybe he's not supposed to tell the truth.
We got to return him to his original state.
Yes.
Woof.
That is one funny-looking baby.
Gah.
I see where he gets it from.
Hey, come on.
Kickin' it with you! Hey, Evan.
Okay, he's coming.
- Come on.
Do it please? - Okay.
Yes, I'm here.
Again.
My friend Thelma Lou would like some pea soup.
And Betty Jo would like some turtle soup.
So we were just hoping you'd bring us a big old steaming bowl of turtle pea soup.
Remember I laughed when you tip me.
I've had a blast here today.
This place is great.
This? A dumb karaoke cafe in Seaford? Come on, you travel all over the world.
You have a great life.
I have a life? Yeah.
That's the closest I've had to a boyfriend in two years.
I have been turned into a business.
I would give anything to just be a normal girl again.
So just be one.
I can't.
My manager runs my career.
He discovered me when my parents couldn't even afford karate classes and Now thanks to him, my family has a better life.
When was the last time you had fun? You know what? Follow me.
- No.
- Come on, let's go.
Come on come on come on.
Hey, Evan! B-19.
- Kim, stop.
I can't do this.
- Yes you can, okay? Look, just read the screen And look good.
You got this.
I can feel you coming from a mile away.
My pulse starts racing from the words that you say.
And you say so many of them.
Like you don't have a clue.
That I'm signed, sealed, delivered.
With a stamp on.
You don't have to try too hard.
You already have my heart.
You don't got a thing to prove.
I'm already into you.
- Atta girl! - So.
Hold hold.
Hold hold me tight now.
Because I'm so so good to go.
Don't say don't say goodnight, you know.
You had me at hello.
Yes! That's was awesome.
I cannot believe how much fun that was.
We sounded so good.
Good? We were great.
You know, we could win that karaoke competition.
Hey hey hey! Where have you two been? We have been worried sick about Sloane.
You're late.
What's the big deal, guys? Sloane must win nationals to keep her endorsements.
Kim is a bad influence.
You want Sloane here, Kim's gonna have to go.
Excuse me, Kim is a wonderful student with a bright future - Fine.
Sloane, come on.
We're leaving.
- Oh, this Kim? She's out.
You're kicking me out of the dojo? That is a little harsh, Rudy.
Okay, you want to know the truth about Sloane? She's miserable.
Tell them what you told me.
I'm Sorry I'm late.
I'll go put on my Gi.
Wait, Kim! Kim! You know, in time Kim will realize that this is a serious dojo, and I am a serious Sensei.
I'm Rudy Gillespie.
Sensei to the stars! Heads up, people.
Do not put my business card in your pocket.
Wait, what? Yo, what happened to Phil's? Because you told the Health Inspector the truth, Phil's was closed down.
Phil and Tootsie are in a really bad place.
It's so sad.
Covered in fleas, eating cans, head-butting shoppers.
And Tootsie ended up in a petting zoo.
Dude, what was that? Those were the girls you've told the truth to.
When they found out that they weren't your special lady, they lost all trust in boys and vowed revenge.
Why doesn't Joan help the poor guy? Well, because of you, Ratface fired her and the Mall became lawless.
Ha ha! Now I am the one who causes crime to happen.
I stole the Mall jewels! Well, at least you're okay, Milton.
Milton? Where'd Milton go? "Hair" "Lies" "Meel" "Ton?" Oh! Here lies Milton Krupnick.
"Julie never came back and Milton died of a broken heart".
Wait, what? No.
Oh no no no no.
Somebody please tell me this is a dream.
It's not a dream, Jerry.
It's a lesson.
We're just trying to show you what would happen if you told nothing but the truth.
Wait But that's what you wanted me to do.
The trick, Jerry, is figuring out when to tell the truth and when to hold back.
Oh, I think I get it.
Check this out, Milton.
Joan, the muffins you make every Wednesday are really moist and delicious.
Well, thanks, Jerry.
He's back, Joan.
Your muffins taste like a dirty sock.
What? Hey hey.
Come on.
Kickin' it with you.
Nationals.
This is so cool.
Are you excited? Whatever.
Let's just get it over with.
What's the matter, Sloane? I feel terrible.
Because of me, Kim got thrown out of the dojo and all she did was say what I didn't have the guts to say.
I hate karate.
Uh, by hate You mean you sort of don't like it, but you still want to go out there and win for The Bobby Wasabi Dojo? - You got this.
- Rudy.
Sorry.
I'm just tired of selling dumb products.
Dumb products? Your Sloane Jennings shampoo was the only friend my hair had during my summer of split ends.
Sloane, if you're not happy, you don't have to do this.
Well, of course I do.
I can't let people down.
No, we're the ones who let you down.
I was so caught up in wanting to be your Sensei that I forgot to be your Sensei.
I'm sorry.
Sloane, if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you want to be? Hey, Betty Jo.
Sloane? What are you doing here? I thought you were still pretending to like karate.
Thanks to you, I finally had the guts to say how I really feel.
And I know what it's like to be a little girl with a dream.
Yeah, I heard it.
And our last contestant in the karaoke finals is Kim! And Sloane.
I told you she'd be here.
What are you doing here? You're fired Rudy, Trent's her new Sensei, Trent, get up there and take her off that stage we can still make the tournament.
Starts racing.
Sloane's not going anywhere.
She wants to be here.
Let's see about that.
And I'm signed, sealed, delivered with a stamp on.
You don't have to try too hard.
You already have my heart.
You don't got a thing to prove.
I'm already into you.
So.
Hold hold hold hold me tight now.
You guys are doing great.
Because I'm so so good to go.
Don't say don't say goodnight, you know.
You had me at hello.
You had me at hello.
Don't say don't say goodnight, you know.
You had me at hello.
You had me at hello.
Okay, that was the most fun I've had in a really long time.
I think I'm gonna take a long, overdue break from karate and just go back to being me.
Well, okay if uh, no one else wants to compete tonight, I think it's safe to say that our winners are Whoa whoa whoa.
Not so fast.
I'm about to bring it.
Give me a beat, son.
Everybody knows my name is Rudy.
All the girlies say I'm a real cutie.
When I do karate I kick some booty.
Rocking on this mic is my number one duty.
Go go, go Rudy.
Go go, go Rudy.
Go go, go Rudy.
Word! It is about time that I tell Milton that this is a dojo, not some place to leave his dumb inventions.
Oh.
Well hello, pretty lady.
Welcome to my dojo.
I am Rudy Gillespie, the most handsome Sensei in California.
I'm Rudy Gillespie.
Sensei to the stars! Kickin' it with you.