Less Than Kind (2008) s03e12 Episode Script
Not Weird Or Awkward, Just Awesome
1 So, you're new, right? Yeah, right! Hey, who's the toughest kid in school? You know, the uh, the bully chief? I guess it's Grabowski.
Mr.
Lubbe, why is the psychotic kid calling you Dad? Are you stoned? Oh, you're in big trouble, mister! Party, party! Primate party! Monkeys like to swing and fart-y! Feces flying, brain cells dying! Eat the mammal like I like it! Did I miss the part when we became friends with him? Please don't let me go astray Think it's time to die today You can catch us speeding at 100 on the highway When the angels come to play Got to be a better way Beware of Danny Lubbe.
Beware.
Got it.
Previously, on Less Than Kind You want to open an acting school? An acting academy.
In your face, and realer than reality! Josh is a has-been mediocre actor who reeks of failure, has no talent, and not an ounce of integrity.
Ugh! You backstabbed me right in my face! Get out of here! Oh, I am gone.
Traditionally when people say they're gone, they actually leave.
Fuck you! You wish! Oh, God! Other companies are getting buried.
Go fuck yourself! And fuck Killigan's! Have you seen Danny? I haven't seen him since the party.
It's total bullshit.
Total.
You know that, I know that, but does Mr.
Lubbe know that? Maybe he hasn't read-- --this one yet.
Geez, Danny.
He read it.
Hi, Mr.
Lubbe.
Uh, yeah, we're talking about it right now.
He's freaking out! I'm freaking out, and I know it's bullshit.
It's a prank! Because it's Danny! Try and get some sleep.
I I, uh, love you too, Mr.
Lubbe.
Bye.
Wow.
Okay, this wasn't funny before, and it's seriously not funny now.
Can you blame Mr.
Lubbe? I mean, you're a dad and get an e-mail like this.
"Dear Sheldon, Miriam and father figure.
" Give me a break! "Do you guys think there's a heaven? "I do.
I think in heaven" there's a Sheldon Blecher and a Miriam Goldstein that don't yell at each other all the time.
And when they make out, sometimes they say, "Hey, Danny, come over here!" And we all make out, and it's not weird and awkward.
It's just awesome.
You miss me yet? Too late.
You had your chance to miss me when I was there.
See you in heaven, suckers! Go baby! And up above us all Leaning into sky Our golden business boy Will watch the north end die And sing "I love this town" Then let his arching wrecking ball proclaim: "I Hate Winnipeg" No more acting school? No more Mr.
Eric? No, no more school.
No more fucking Mr.
fucking Eric fuckhead! But I'm not finished with my lessons.
I have not learned how to lie to my wife.
) Miroslav, you cheating bastard! What are you doing? I'm being your wife.
Ah, we improvise! Okay, okay.
Okay, okay Okay, just go with the first thing you come up with, okay? Miroslav, you have lipstick on your balls! I was At the circus! You're so ready! See, you are so ready! What are you going to do now that your life's dream is dead? I don't know.
I don't know! I have nothing! You have nothing, huh? Okay, good luck.
Fuck you, Eric! Fuck you! You ruined my life! Josh, what the hell? Just cleaning.
Well, good, 'cause I have to move the car back in here.
I know, I'm doing it.
Okay, thank you.
Just a minute.
Um, it's Shandra.
Oh! What does she want? No, no, it's for Clara.
What? Hey, sweetie.
Oh, well, that's okay.
You got to work, you got to work.
Yeah, we can do it another time.
Right, okay.
What? And so, uh Uh Uh, uh Mr.
Lubbe? Yeah, right.
This is History.
Right, history, and we were discussing Emperor Constantine.
We were? Why? I don't know.
This is your class.
Was that the bell? Thank God.
Your homework assignment for tonight is, uh hug your parents! You can't let Danny's e-mails get to to you.
Those Puerto Ricans put him in the trunk of a car! Danny has not been kidnapped by Puerto Ricans! He texted me he joined the Mormons.
I've been a terrible parent! I should have read to him more.
You're doing your best! He just wants attention, and we're giving it to him.
No, when he wants attention, I find dog feces in unexpected and inconvenient places.
This is something more! He's mad at us, that's all.
Just try to get some sleep.
Sheldon, I'm hoping that I am asleep and this whole thing's been a dream since Danny arrived.
Mr.
Lubbe, you don't mean that! He's gone.
I know.
You're friends with Shandra? Really? For the umpteenth time, yes! Why was this kept secret from me? You know what? It wasn't kept from you, Josh.
It's just really none of your business.
It is when my ex is meeting my aunt to talk shit about me! You know, this might come as a surprise to you, but we don't really talk about you that much.
Ha! But you do talk about me! Oh, for Christ's sakes, Josh! Shandra was head over heels in love! She would have done anything for you! She was the best thing that ever happened to you, and you blew it.
So, yeah, sometimes we talk about that.
I'll be in my room! Maybe I should come back later.
Sorry about that, Lorne.
It's okay.
Family first.
Thanks so much for doing this.
Uh, no problem.
Just make sure you have this in the mail by the end of the month.
Okay, look, while you're here, I've been looking up laws on predatory pricing and anti-trust laws.
I'm an accountant, not a lawyer.
Yeah, but you're professional and you have a professional mind, and I've been thinking about taking Killigan's to court.
On what grounds? I smell a rat.
So, that would be your case? "Your honor, I smell a rat.
" No, it's not just us.
I mean, I've been talking to other companies.
"Your honor, we smell a rat.
" Oh! Five-dollar lessons is predatory pricing.
Uh, didn't the ministry shut down Murphy's after a failed inspection? Yeah, they did, shortly after Killigan's came to town.
Why? Now it's our turn.
Oh, my God! I smell a rat.
Here you go, gentlemen! Fresh off tap for you! And were you having a bite to eat today? So these are the features, and the top page is actually the features.
And if you want anything else, it's just underneath.
Okay, thank you! Just grab a seat wherever-- What do you want? Just came by to tell you stop talking shit about me to my aunt! What are you talking about? Stop making up stories and talking bullshit about me! Oh, okay, I'll stop talking bullshit.
Can I tell her how you cut my diaphragm in half? 'Cause that's true! Well, you got your half.
That was fair.
Or how you wanted an open relationship for three weeks in L.
A.
, 'cause that's true too, right? I was just throwing an idea out there! Or how about how I was comforting you at your dad's shiva, and you hit on your old babysitter right in front of me! That happened, can I tell her that, too? Did you change your hair? Because it looks really nice! What? I'm sorry, Shandra.
Who's this? I'm Josh.
I'm the ex-boyfriend.
You've probably heard a lot about me.
Actually, no.
What's going on? Nothing's going on, 'cause he was just leaving.
As a matter of fact, I was just leaving.
Shandra, can we not have this happen again, please? Sorry.
Thank you.
Explain this! Have you never heard of knocking? Do you know what this is? Yeah.
I think you've got to take this up with the Ministry of Transportation.
Oh, because you people have nothing to do with it, right? Um What kind of man are you? You need to do something! I did do something! I was in your kitchen, and I told you, "Take this deal!" I practically tattooed it on your forehead what was coming next, but you don't listen.
Oh, so you're the hero here? Fucking Blechers, you're unbelievable.
At least when Sam didn't listen, that was understandable 'cause that's kind of who he was.
But when you don't listen, it makes me want to just get in my car and drive it into a school bus! So sorry to disappoint you! Don't you dare! Don't do that! You think you're going to come in here and make me feel guilty about all of this? Zero chance.
Fat chance, nada! I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight.
So what, tell me.
Tell me why you're here.
I want to hear it.
Tell me that you need my help one more time.
I need your help.
Oh, don't do that, 'cause I can't.
It's done already! Look, money's changed hands.
Dark deeds have been done in the night.
Goodbye! That's it, no tears? No crying, no nothing? No "Jim, oh geez, I don't know who you are anymore.
You've really changed.
" You could tell me to go fuck myself.
No one's come in here and told me to go fuck myself today yet.
Hang on, I got a 3 o'clock.
Yeah, there's a 3 o'clock.
They're going to come in and tell me to go fuck myself.
So, if you tell me to go fuck myself now, then I can get out of here early and I can hit the bar.
I'll cancel my 3 o'clock.
Go fuck yourself! Thank you! "Go fuck yourself, Jim.
Just go fuck yourself.
Hey, Jim, go fuck yourself.
That's what you ought to do.
" Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to go fuck myself.
I'll get good and fucking drunk.
I'm leaving early! When they come out, they're little tiny babies the size of your hand.
Of course, I wasn't there.
That's why this is happening.
What are you doing here? Shh, keep your voices down.
He's here.
Who? Danny! What? I traced the IP address from his e-mail.
They're all coming from the Kim Campbell High server.
Danny's in the school.
He's been fibbing me? Yeah! He's been mis-truthing me? Yes.
For three sleepless nights? Yes.
Mr.
Lubbe? Mr.
Lubbe! I'm sorry.
So that's why my desk smells of urine.
I thought the custodian had given me Mrs.
McCarthy's old desk! Mr.
Lubbe, how would you feel about getting even? I'm in! You haven't even heard-- I'm in! Okay, but what I'm thinking about is pretty extreme-- Perhaps I'm not making myself clear.
I'm in.
Me, too.
Heh, heh! That must have gone well.
Actually, it could not have gone worse.
What are you talking about? I just got off the phone with Jim Sheridan.
He said he took care of it.
What? Yeah, I just assumed you tore a strip off him.
No, he tore a strip off me! What? Well, whatever happened, it's done.
Can I help you? I'm here for your inspection.
We've been in business over 20 years.
We've never had an inspection.
So, you're overdue.
You know, your license sticker is supposed to be displayed on the windshield, right side.
Yeah, well, it just fell off.
Uh-huh.
Oh, dear! You've got to be joking.
Ugh! What is it? Oh, no! No, no, no.
This is not good at all.
What? The Drivers and Vehicle Act, section 11, subsection 2 clearly states that the training vehicle's sign must be legible, in upper-case letters, and at least 7 centimeters in height.
This is only 6.
8 centimeters, and that is a violation.
Oh, come on! It's only under by a little.
So, you're only breaking the law by a little? Why all the nit-picking? Oh, that's not nit-picking.
If I were nit-picking, I would ask you for a mule license.
License for a mule? Yes, there's an old statute that they never took off the books that says if you have a business that relies on a method of conveyance, then you must have a mule license whether you have a mule or not.
That is ridiculous! No, that's nit-picking.
You're working for Killigan's, aren't you? May I see your mule license? Get your ugly face out! You owe me money.
What do you want? You used my family's phone to call your mom in Vancouver.
You owe me $28.
Shandra? Really? I got it, Bernard.
Just give me a sec.
Keep the change.
Don't you want to go over the phone bill with me? No.
Fine.
I just didn't think that my family should have to suffer because you have a mother! Goodbye, Josh.
What are you doing? Um, excuse me, miss.
Can I have a menu, please? Ugh! Thank you! Potato bacon soup, ick! Green onions, sour cream? Sweet 16 and you're on your own And your family, family, kick you out of the house Working part-time at diners Saving money for college At least you're passing with ease So it's no real tragedy In the darkroom, developing photographs I decided to kiss you, but it felt like a downer Since you left in a hurry Couldn't speak for a week Then you finally call and said that's what you need It's not quite, quite what I expected from you I never thought that you even, even liked me But it was just a little kiss A little kiss, a little kiss And I'm ready for more Hello? Hello? What? Where am I? What's happening? Christ! Gotcha! I fell asleep! I missed it! How did his face look? Did we scare you, you little prick? What? What the fuck! Oh, you assholes! Oh, what, did we scare you? Yes! Good! Boy, don't you hate it when your friends scare you like that? Yes! You guys are awful! We're talking about you! You scared the crap out of us! Bring him closer so I can kick him! You're jerks! Argh! He's not leaving.
Oh, no, no! We're not done fucking with you! Uh I'm-- I'm going to require a little assistance! Hello? Uh, miss? What? Uh, you forgot my soup.
Fine! Oh, and while you're over there, could you bring a pen? I'd like to fill out this comment card.
Actually, maybe you can help me.
Now, would you say that my server's attitude was excellent, good, "aqueduct," or poor? Ahhh, what are you doing? I would say that her aim is excellent.
I want to speak with your manager! Well, it's 7 o'clock, so he's probably whacking off in the employee washroom.
Shandra! You're fired.
Happy? Oh! Get the hell out of my restaurant.
Take your money, and get the fuck out! Get out! Hi.
Oh, Jim.
What are you doing here? Oh, it's so nice in here.
It's been like years since I've been in here.
You were here two weeks ago.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Anyway, you'll be happy to know that I've placed a call, and you no longer have anything to worry about re: the inspection.
Mm, Clara told me.
I've called out the dogs.
Everything's copa-stetic.
Stay there.
And if there's a drink going, if you're offering, I wouldn't say no.
What's this? This is the result of the inspection we had this afternoon.
What? Blecher's is shut down.
You're shitting me? No, I'm not.
Let me see this.
Is that Walter Guritch? That little weasel rat! Go home, Jim.
Annie, I made the call.
You got to believe me.
I know, Jim.
Get a cab.
No, you don't.
No, I believe you.
I did, though.
I know.
No, don't patronize me, okay? I know you don't believe me! 'Cause I wouldn't believe me, and I was there when I made that call.
Yeah.
I made that call! They're fucking with the wrong guy, Annie.
I know.
They're fucking with the wrong guy! It's not over! Shandra, I know-- I don't even-- Shandra! Stop following me! But I love you! What the fuck did you just say to me? I love you? Ugh! Okay! Okay, you're mad! That's cool! Oh, ugh! I love your spirit! Stop speaking! Marry me! Arrrgh! Hello? Oh, Annie! Jim? Yeah.
It's 4 o'clock in the morning.
Yeah.
What do you want? Okay, remember when you guys told me to go fuck myself? What? I took your advice.
What are you saying? I think I just fucked myself.
This is kidnapping, you know.
Would you shut it? Danny, Sheldon and I already said we'll never do this again.
Why can't you? Look, I can say it and mean it, but it doesn't mean I won't do it again.
Hmm, so you're saying you have zero self-control? It's not like I think before I do these things.
Can you at least promise us that you won't do it again today? Yeah.
And you do have to apologize to your dad.
Look, I'm not saying this to be a dick, guys.
But why? You tortured him for three days! It was like watching someone kick a puppy.
He loves you! I know, he leaves me notes on my pillow and in my lunch bag.
It makes me so mad! Why? How would you feel if a creepy old guy kept writing you love notes? He's your dad! Right! Right.
I see what you're getting at with that.
Okay, if I apologize, are we good? Yes.
Does somebody have a pen? Thank you.
What are you doing? Um, he's sleeping.
I'm writing him a note.
Danny, you can't-- Shh! Baby steps.
Let's hit VJ's! I never thought that you'd even, even like me But it was just a little kiss A little kiss, a little kiss And I'm ready for more We made out on the pier And the sewage, the sewage dragged you straight to my heart At least three years ago when I arrived from India Wearing Morrison clothes You're the first thing I noticed You're the pearl in my heart The golden seashell in my dreams Oh radio DJs play my song All day long I want to sing along Come on, play my song All day long I want to sing along, Come on
Mr.
Lubbe, why is the psychotic kid calling you Dad? Are you stoned? Oh, you're in big trouble, mister! Party, party! Primate party! Monkeys like to swing and fart-y! Feces flying, brain cells dying! Eat the mammal like I like it! Did I miss the part when we became friends with him? Please don't let me go astray Think it's time to die today You can catch us speeding at 100 on the highway When the angels come to play Got to be a better way Beware of Danny Lubbe.
Beware.
Got it.
Previously, on Less Than Kind You want to open an acting school? An acting academy.
In your face, and realer than reality! Josh is a has-been mediocre actor who reeks of failure, has no talent, and not an ounce of integrity.
Ugh! You backstabbed me right in my face! Get out of here! Oh, I am gone.
Traditionally when people say they're gone, they actually leave.
Fuck you! You wish! Oh, God! Other companies are getting buried.
Go fuck yourself! And fuck Killigan's! Have you seen Danny? I haven't seen him since the party.
It's total bullshit.
Total.
You know that, I know that, but does Mr.
Lubbe know that? Maybe he hasn't read-- --this one yet.
Geez, Danny.
He read it.
Hi, Mr.
Lubbe.
Uh, yeah, we're talking about it right now.
He's freaking out! I'm freaking out, and I know it's bullshit.
It's a prank! Because it's Danny! Try and get some sleep.
I I, uh, love you too, Mr.
Lubbe.
Bye.
Wow.
Okay, this wasn't funny before, and it's seriously not funny now.
Can you blame Mr.
Lubbe? I mean, you're a dad and get an e-mail like this.
"Dear Sheldon, Miriam and father figure.
" Give me a break! "Do you guys think there's a heaven? "I do.
I think in heaven" there's a Sheldon Blecher and a Miriam Goldstein that don't yell at each other all the time.
And when they make out, sometimes they say, "Hey, Danny, come over here!" And we all make out, and it's not weird and awkward.
It's just awesome.
You miss me yet? Too late.
You had your chance to miss me when I was there.
See you in heaven, suckers! Go baby! And up above us all Leaning into sky Our golden business boy Will watch the north end die And sing "I love this town" Then let his arching wrecking ball proclaim: "I Hate Winnipeg" No more acting school? No more Mr.
Eric? No, no more school.
No more fucking Mr.
fucking Eric fuckhead! But I'm not finished with my lessons.
I have not learned how to lie to my wife.
) Miroslav, you cheating bastard! What are you doing? I'm being your wife.
Ah, we improvise! Okay, okay.
Okay, okay Okay, just go with the first thing you come up with, okay? Miroslav, you have lipstick on your balls! I was At the circus! You're so ready! See, you are so ready! What are you going to do now that your life's dream is dead? I don't know.
I don't know! I have nothing! You have nothing, huh? Okay, good luck.
Fuck you, Eric! Fuck you! You ruined my life! Josh, what the hell? Just cleaning.
Well, good, 'cause I have to move the car back in here.
I know, I'm doing it.
Okay, thank you.
Just a minute.
Um, it's Shandra.
Oh! What does she want? No, no, it's for Clara.
What? Hey, sweetie.
Oh, well, that's okay.
You got to work, you got to work.
Yeah, we can do it another time.
Right, okay.
What? And so, uh Uh Uh, uh Mr.
Lubbe? Yeah, right.
This is History.
Right, history, and we were discussing Emperor Constantine.
We were? Why? I don't know.
This is your class.
Was that the bell? Thank God.
Your homework assignment for tonight is, uh hug your parents! You can't let Danny's e-mails get to to you.
Those Puerto Ricans put him in the trunk of a car! Danny has not been kidnapped by Puerto Ricans! He texted me he joined the Mormons.
I've been a terrible parent! I should have read to him more.
You're doing your best! He just wants attention, and we're giving it to him.
No, when he wants attention, I find dog feces in unexpected and inconvenient places.
This is something more! He's mad at us, that's all.
Just try to get some sleep.
Sheldon, I'm hoping that I am asleep and this whole thing's been a dream since Danny arrived.
Mr.
Lubbe, you don't mean that! He's gone.
I know.
You're friends with Shandra? Really? For the umpteenth time, yes! Why was this kept secret from me? You know what? It wasn't kept from you, Josh.
It's just really none of your business.
It is when my ex is meeting my aunt to talk shit about me! You know, this might come as a surprise to you, but we don't really talk about you that much.
Ha! But you do talk about me! Oh, for Christ's sakes, Josh! Shandra was head over heels in love! She would have done anything for you! She was the best thing that ever happened to you, and you blew it.
So, yeah, sometimes we talk about that.
I'll be in my room! Maybe I should come back later.
Sorry about that, Lorne.
It's okay.
Family first.
Thanks so much for doing this.
Uh, no problem.
Just make sure you have this in the mail by the end of the month.
Okay, look, while you're here, I've been looking up laws on predatory pricing and anti-trust laws.
I'm an accountant, not a lawyer.
Yeah, but you're professional and you have a professional mind, and I've been thinking about taking Killigan's to court.
On what grounds? I smell a rat.
So, that would be your case? "Your honor, I smell a rat.
" No, it's not just us.
I mean, I've been talking to other companies.
"Your honor, we smell a rat.
" Oh! Five-dollar lessons is predatory pricing.
Uh, didn't the ministry shut down Murphy's after a failed inspection? Yeah, they did, shortly after Killigan's came to town.
Why? Now it's our turn.
Oh, my God! I smell a rat.
Here you go, gentlemen! Fresh off tap for you! And were you having a bite to eat today? So these are the features, and the top page is actually the features.
And if you want anything else, it's just underneath.
Okay, thank you! Just grab a seat wherever-- What do you want? Just came by to tell you stop talking shit about me to my aunt! What are you talking about? Stop making up stories and talking bullshit about me! Oh, okay, I'll stop talking bullshit.
Can I tell her how you cut my diaphragm in half? 'Cause that's true! Well, you got your half.
That was fair.
Or how you wanted an open relationship for three weeks in L.
A.
, 'cause that's true too, right? I was just throwing an idea out there! Or how about how I was comforting you at your dad's shiva, and you hit on your old babysitter right in front of me! That happened, can I tell her that, too? Did you change your hair? Because it looks really nice! What? I'm sorry, Shandra.
Who's this? I'm Josh.
I'm the ex-boyfriend.
You've probably heard a lot about me.
Actually, no.
What's going on? Nothing's going on, 'cause he was just leaving.
As a matter of fact, I was just leaving.
Shandra, can we not have this happen again, please? Sorry.
Thank you.
Explain this! Have you never heard of knocking? Do you know what this is? Yeah.
I think you've got to take this up with the Ministry of Transportation.
Oh, because you people have nothing to do with it, right? Um What kind of man are you? You need to do something! I did do something! I was in your kitchen, and I told you, "Take this deal!" I practically tattooed it on your forehead what was coming next, but you don't listen.
Oh, so you're the hero here? Fucking Blechers, you're unbelievable.
At least when Sam didn't listen, that was understandable 'cause that's kind of who he was.
But when you don't listen, it makes me want to just get in my car and drive it into a school bus! So sorry to disappoint you! Don't you dare! Don't do that! You think you're going to come in here and make me feel guilty about all of this? Zero chance.
Fat chance, nada! I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight.
So what, tell me.
Tell me why you're here.
I want to hear it.
Tell me that you need my help one more time.
I need your help.
Oh, don't do that, 'cause I can't.
It's done already! Look, money's changed hands.
Dark deeds have been done in the night.
Goodbye! That's it, no tears? No crying, no nothing? No "Jim, oh geez, I don't know who you are anymore.
You've really changed.
" You could tell me to go fuck myself.
No one's come in here and told me to go fuck myself today yet.
Hang on, I got a 3 o'clock.
Yeah, there's a 3 o'clock.
They're going to come in and tell me to go fuck myself.
So, if you tell me to go fuck myself now, then I can get out of here early and I can hit the bar.
I'll cancel my 3 o'clock.
Go fuck yourself! Thank you! "Go fuck yourself, Jim.
Just go fuck yourself.
Hey, Jim, go fuck yourself.
That's what you ought to do.
" Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to go fuck myself.
I'll get good and fucking drunk.
I'm leaving early! When they come out, they're little tiny babies the size of your hand.
Of course, I wasn't there.
That's why this is happening.
What are you doing here? Shh, keep your voices down.
He's here.
Who? Danny! What? I traced the IP address from his e-mail.
They're all coming from the Kim Campbell High server.
Danny's in the school.
He's been fibbing me? Yeah! He's been mis-truthing me? Yes.
For three sleepless nights? Yes.
Mr.
Lubbe? Mr.
Lubbe! I'm sorry.
So that's why my desk smells of urine.
I thought the custodian had given me Mrs.
McCarthy's old desk! Mr.
Lubbe, how would you feel about getting even? I'm in! You haven't even heard-- I'm in! Okay, but what I'm thinking about is pretty extreme-- Perhaps I'm not making myself clear.
I'm in.
Me, too.
Heh, heh! That must have gone well.
Actually, it could not have gone worse.
What are you talking about? I just got off the phone with Jim Sheridan.
He said he took care of it.
What? Yeah, I just assumed you tore a strip off him.
No, he tore a strip off me! What? Well, whatever happened, it's done.
Can I help you? I'm here for your inspection.
We've been in business over 20 years.
We've never had an inspection.
So, you're overdue.
You know, your license sticker is supposed to be displayed on the windshield, right side.
Yeah, well, it just fell off.
Uh-huh.
Oh, dear! You've got to be joking.
Ugh! What is it? Oh, no! No, no, no.
This is not good at all.
What? The Drivers and Vehicle Act, section 11, subsection 2 clearly states that the training vehicle's sign must be legible, in upper-case letters, and at least 7 centimeters in height.
This is only 6.
8 centimeters, and that is a violation.
Oh, come on! It's only under by a little.
So, you're only breaking the law by a little? Why all the nit-picking? Oh, that's not nit-picking.
If I were nit-picking, I would ask you for a mule license.
License for a mule? Yes, there's an old statute that they never took off the books that says if you have a business that relies on a method of conveyance, then you must have a mule license whether you have a mule or not.
That is ridiculous! No, that's nit-picking.
You're working for Killigan's, aren't you? May I see your mule license? Get your ugly face out! You owe me money.
What do you want? You used my family's phone to call your mom in Vancouver.
You owe me $28.
Shandra? Really? I got it, Bernard.
Just give me a sec.
Keep the change.
Don't you want to go over the phone bill with me? No.
Fine.
I just didn't think that my family should have to suffer because you have a mother! Goodbye, Josh.
What are you doing? Um, excuse me, miss.
Can I have a menu, please? Ugh! Thank you! Potato bacon soup, ick! Green onions, sour cream? Sweet 16 and you're on your own And your family, family, kick you out of the house Working part-time at diners Saving money for college At least you're passing with ease So it's no real tragedy In the darkroom, developing photographs I decided to kiss you, but it felt like a downer Since you left in a hurry Couldn't speak for a week Then you finally call and said that's what you need It's not quite, quite what I expected from you I never thought that you even, even liked me But it was just a little kiss A little kiss, a little kiss And I'm ready for more Hello? Hello? What? Where am I? What's happening? Christ! Gotcha! I fell asleep! I missed it! How did his face look? Did we scare you, you little prick? What? What the fuck! Oh, you assholes! Oh, what, did we scare you? Yes! Good! Boy, don't you hate it when your friends scare you like that? Yes! You guys are awful! We're talking about you! You scared the crap out of us! Bring him closer so I can kick him! You're jerks! Argh! He's not leaving.
Oh, no, no! We're not done fucking with you! Uh I'm-- I'm going to require a little assistance! Hello? Uh, miss? What? Uh, you forgot my soup.
Fine! Oh, and while you're over there, could you bring a pen? I'd like to fill out this comment card.
Actually, maybe you can help me.
Now, would you say that my server's attitude was excellent, good, "aqueduct," or poor? Ahhh, what are you doing? I would say that her aim is excellent.
I want to speak with your manager! Well, it's 7 o'clock, so he's probably whacking off in the employee washroom.
Shandra! You're fired.
Happy? Oh! Get the hell out of my restaurant.
Take your money, and get the fuck out! Get out! Hi.
Oh, Jim.
What are you doing here? Oh, it's so nice in here.
It's been like years since I've been in here.
You were here two weeks ago.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Anyway, you'll be happy to know that I've placed a call, and you no longer have anything to worry about re: the inspection.
Mm, Clara told me.
I've called out the dogs.
Everything's copa-stetic.
Stay there.
And if there's a drink going, if you're offering, I wouldn't say no.
What's this? This is the result of the inspection we had this afternoon.
What? Blecher's is shut down.
You're shitting me? No, I'm not.
Let me see this.
Is that Walter Guritch? That little weasel rat! Go home, Jim.
Annie, I made the call.
You got to believe me.
I know, Jim.
Get a cab.
No, you don't.
No, I believe you.
I did, though.
I know.
No, don't patronize me, okay? I know you don't believe me! 'Cause I wouldn't believe me, and I was there when I made that call.
Yeah.
I made that call! They're fucking with the wrong guy, Annie.
I know.
They're fucking with the wrong guy! It's not over! Shandra, I know-- I don't even-- Shandra! Stop following me! But I love you! What the fuck did you just say to me? I love you? Ugh! Okay! Okay, you're mad! That's cool! Oh, ugh! I love your spirit! Stop speaking! Marry me! Arrrgh! Hello? Oh, Annie! Jim? Yeah.
It's 4 o'clock in the morning.
Yeah.
What do you want? Okay, remember when you guys told me to go fuck myself? What? I took your advice.
What are you saying? I think I just fucked myself.
This is kidnapping, you know.
Would you shut it? Danny, Sheldon and I already said we'll never do this again.
Why can't you? Look, I can say it and mean it, but it doesn't mean I won't do it again.
Hmm, so you're saying you have zero self-control? It's not like I think before I do these things.
Can you at least promise us that you won't do it again today? Yeah.
And you do have to apologize to your dad.
Look, I'm not saying this to be a dick, guys.
But why? You tortured him for three days! It was like watching someone kick a puppy.
He loves you! I know, he leaves me notes on my pillow and in my lunch bag.
It makes me so mad! Why? How would you feel if a creepy old guy kept writing you love notes? He's your dad! Right! Right.
I see what you're getting at with that.
Okay, if I apologize, are we good? Yes.
Does somebody have a pen? Thank you.
What are you doing? Um, he's sleeping.
I'm writing him a note.
Danny, you can't-- Shh! Baby steps.
Let's hit VJ's! I never thought that you'd even, even like me But it was just a little kiss A little kiss, a little kiss And I'm ready for more We made out on the pier And the sewage, the sewage dragged you straight to my heart At least three years ago when I arrived from India Wearing Morrison clothes You're the first thing I noticed You're the pearl in my heart The golden seashell in my dreams Oh radio DJs play my song All day long I want to sing along Come on, play my song All day long I want to sing along, Come on