Liv and Maddie (2013) s03e12 Episode Script

1 (Thunder cracks) Come on, SkyVolt.
SkyVolt, Tess.
Please wake up.
(Coughs) Garrison? (Chuckles) I don't remember anything after the explosion.
You saved me? (Chuckles) You can't save the world unless someone saves you.
(Laughs) Besides, how else will I get you to go out with me? - Cut! - (Bell rings) Oh! Forget SkyVolt's lightning.
The real electricity is Tess and Garrison.
(Gasps) I am shipping "Tarrison" so hard.
I just look at Liv and imagine the girl I wanna go out with.
Which is easy because she has the same face as the girl I wanna go out with.
Yeah.
He has a huge crush on my sister, but he's too afraid to ask her out, - 'cause she's so scary! - (Laughs) I'm not scared.
She just ended a long-term relationship and might not wanna date.
And if she says no, it'll be weird and Okay, I'm scared.
Liv, we are a Voltage family.
Help your brother by getting him a date with your sister.
I don't know, I'm I guess I could ask Maddie if she's ready to start dating again.
But bad things happen when I get involved in her love life.
You know, like, she gets really mad at me, and basketballs fly at my head, and designer clothing gets burned in the front yard.
That sounds like Maddie.
Liv is on the case.
Oh! I love my Voltage family.
(Laughs) Unless they ate all my fancy LA cheesecake again.
If so, someone is fired! (Theme music playing) Better in stereo Bet-bet-better in stereo - I'm up with the sunshine - Let's go - I lace up my high-tops - Oh, no Slam dunk, ready or not Yeah, show me what you got - I'm under the spotlight - Holler I dare you Come on and follow You dance to your own beat I'll sing the melody When you say "yeah" I say "no" When you say, "stop" All I wanna do is go, go, go You, you The other half of me, me The half I'll never be-e The half that drives me crazy You, you The better half of me, me The half I'll always need-eed We both know We're better in stereo Hey, Mom.
- Hi! - Oh! (Laughs) You are at my work! For the third time this week.
(Chuckles) Mom, is everything okay? Did you did you lose your job? No, sweetie, no! I just love love, you know, checking in on my girl.
- Well, that's really sweet.
- Oh You know what else is sweet? Cheesecake.
Gemma flies it in from Corsun's Deli in LA.
(Chuckles) Sweet and fancy in my mouth.
Mm! See you later, Mom.
You know, like at home.
Bye, Liv! Oh! And hello, cheesecake.
My cheesecake is gone again?! Oh, uh, Dave, you're fired.
Whoo! I just out-ran two dogs, a delivery truck, and the kid on the scooter who likes to race dogs and delivery trucks.
Wow! You must be exhausted.
Like, maybe you're too exhausted to kick, punch or chase me? I mean, I only do those things when you're meddling in my love life.
And what have I told you about meddling in my love life? Um To not do it? Exactly.
Okay, but what if you have a secret admirer and I know who it is? Because you have a secret admirer and I know who it is! Liv, I am not interested in dating anyone right now.
And you know what? You're meddling.
So I'm going to give you three choices: kick, punch or chase.
Um kick.
No, no, no! Chase! And I get a five-second lead! Take all day, Liv.
I'll still find you.
Josh: SkyVolt, this is good.
We're getting close to finding Zaydock.
So far, he was spotted at the observatory, the museum, and the abandoned copper mine.
There's a pattern.
I think we can track him.
Zaydock's headed to the football field where I was struck by lightning.
And that's gonna be where I take him down.
But he's not there when I get there! Why, Liv?! Why?! (Mouths) Sorry.
Parker, do you see what I see? Parker: That weird shadow behind the gears? - What is that? - It looks like a (Gasping) A ghost! And you look like a (Gasping) a munch.
Because ghosts aren't real.
Actually, our entire crew, including myself, believes that our set is haunted.
Doors get left open, things go missing, there are always these weird, cold drafts.
See, dude? There's totally a ghost on that set! I guarantee it.
- Guarantee? - Mm-hm.
This is about to get real stupid, real quick.
So, Liv, can we get on your set to ghost-hunt? - Please? - Please? Fine! I will call Gemma.
Just don't do that stupid dance you do when you get excited.
Both: We're going a-ghost-huntin'! We're going a-ghost-huntin'! We're going a-ghost-huntin'! (Doorbell rings) Wait, you guys! What about the show? Liv, I'm here to ask Maddie out.
Whoo! (Laughs) Oh, no, no! Didn't you get my text? She said she's not ready to start dating yet.
I know, I know, but I decided I'm gonna do it anyway.
Go big or go home, right? Whoo! (Gasps) Wow.
It's a bold move.
Um, Maddie's just playing out back, so This is as far as I will take you for fear of having a basketball tossed at my head or hair ripped from my scalp.
It's happened.
So good luck.
Three, two, one.
Oh! Mad Dog Rooney in the house! Well, outside the house, but close to the house! I guess I'm saying it's your house.
Hello, Josh.
Why are you being so weird? Weird? What? The J Man ain't weird.
Okay? Okay, I just called myself "the J Man.
" That's weird.
Yeah.
Um, so Liv's inside, J Man.
You know, in the house.
I'm not here to see Liv.
I'm here to see you.
Why? Well, because I thought we could hang out and talk.
- Like people do.
- Why? Because I thought it could be fun.
Why? Maddie's tough.
Luckily, I'm an actor.
I can improvise.
I can also make ordinary statements sound important.
(Exhales) These pretzels are making me thirsty.
I need you to teach me how to play basketball.
- And before you say "why" - Why? It's for next week's episode.
Okay.
Can't the show just get you a coach or something? - But you're the best in town.
- I'm the best in state! (Laughs) Uh, yeah, I could teach you a couple of things.
But, uh, I take basketball very seriously.
So think fast! (Moaning) (Wheezing) The J Man's gonna need a minute.
Ah, the Rooney brothers are here to rid us of our ghost! You know it! Couple ghost-hunters, complete with ghost-hunting equipment.
(Laughs) Ah! So Have you noticed any paranormal activity on this set, ma'am? If so, what, where, and how scary? I have heard some weird moaning, like, uh (Babbling) Spooky and unnerving.
It's good to have fellow believers on set.
Oh.
Slow down, sister.
I am no believer.
I'm just here to watch my brother fail.
And I do enjoy a snappy jumpsuit.
Well, I got everything the Internet said we would need to ghost-hunt: a temperature gun, a spirit vacuum trap.
Ooh.
What's the rake for? Oh! Well the online store said, "Those who bought ghost-hunting equipment also bought rakes.
" Huh! Well, I am tired of having this ghost disrupt my stage.
So me and my boyfriend are going to join your hunt.
I didn't know you had a boyfriend.
He's kind of a celebrity.
Hello, gorgeous! Someone slap a collar on me and call me Scooby, we're gonna catch a ghost! - (Gemma laughs) - Wait, wait.
Wait, wait.
Johnny, you're dating Gemma? - It feels right.
- I'll say.
And ol' Johnny hasn't been able to stop smiling.
Oh Could be a face twitch, but I'm thinking it's the girl! Johnny, look at me.
Closer.
I am crazy-jazzed that you're into ghost-hunting, and also, you smell like a thunderstorm and I love it.
(Both laugh) Okay.
Munch, let's, uh, get this ghost-hunt started.
Yeah! So, I guess we just kind of suck the ghost up in this vacuum trap.
Should be pretty easy.
I mean, we just kind of (Muffled shouting) Handy! Oh, I see why this is an "also bought.
" Okay.
Um I am confused, because you look like a jock, but you play like a Joey.
I'm no good at basketball, but I've played baseball since I was two.
That's cool.
What, uh, what position? Shortstop.
I've got lightning-quick reflexes.
What was that? Look, I know I'm terrible, but I'm a hard worker, and I've always believed something worth doing is worth doing right.
Well, that's cool.
That's actually kinda my mantra, too.
See? We have a mutual mantra.
How cool is that? Um what, uh, what's What moves do you need to learn? Like, specifically.
- What happens in the scene? - The scene? - Yeah.
- Uh, the scene.
Right, the scene.
Uh My character has to expose a coach, who's actually this alien with octopus arms, and, uh I have to play him in a game of one-on-one.
One-on-one? Okay, got it.
So drive to the basket, and I'll guard you.
(Glass shatters) Hey.
Hey.
So what happens next? We kiss.
(Laughs) You kiss the coach? No, no, no.
What I meant to say was, uh, "kick.
" You know, I kick his fake alien head off, and then I capture the baby aliens that crawl out of his broken head.
Here, ghosty-ghosty-ghosty.
(Kissing sounds) Come here, ghosty.
(Kissing sounds) It's a ghost, not a cat.
We've been doing this for hours and your equipment has found nothing.
Speak for yourself, Parker.
I turned my phone into a hottie detector.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep! Hottie! Oh, Johnny, you're too much.
(Laughs) Never stop.
- (Banging) - (All gasp) Oh, oh, oh! What was that?! What was that?! It could be some spectral action.
Assume ghost formation! I'm still against this, but I am a sucker for a formation, so Then let's find these ghosts, and rock their spirit world.
Okay, now you just took it too far.
Seriously? (Static hissing) Okay.
I'm switching to infrared.
Jeeoh! Oh! I just saw a blurry, ghost-shaped heat mass! - Ooh, we're close.
- (Beeping) It's beeping.
My temperature gun is beeping! Parker, why is my temperature gun beeping?! (Beeping stops) The temperature dropped point-two-five degrees in here.
- (Gasps) - Just means that the AC went on.
- (Johnny exhales) - That's what it means, right? Right? Or we just entered Ghost Town.
Population: us.
Oh! Why is LA cheesecake so much better? Mm! - Hey, Mom.
- Oh! I wasn't doing anything.
I was just cleaning out my purse.
Oh, look! Found a fork.
Mom, you have to take that back to the restaurant.
You said that you were gonna stop doing that.
- Hey, Mads.
- Hey, Liv.
So this Voltage script does not have a single baby alien crawling out of anyone's broken head.
Also, where's the big basketball scene? Maddie, what are you talking about? There's no big basketball scene.
Well, Josh asked me to teach him how to play basketball for a scene.
Oh! Yeah! That big basketball scene.
I totes forgot about that big basketball scene that Josh is in with the basketballs.
Uh Liv, what's going on? Why would he say that there's a basketball scene if there isn't one? (Squealing softly) I mean, he spent all day with me in the backyard.
You know, just the two of us playing - (Squealing) - Oh.
Is he my Your secret admirer! Yes! You figured it out! (Laughs) Whoo! Yay! Now you can date Josh - No.
- What? Why, Maddie? What's wrong with Josh? Nothing's wrong with Josh.
It's just things were so hard for me with Diggie, and I'm just not sure that I'm ready to feel that way again.
Okay, but, Maddie, how do you know it's even gonna be like that with Josh? Liv, how do you know that it won't be? Okay? For the last time, butt out.
(Humming) (Beeping) (Screaming) Jonah jumped up mother of Margaret! A hungry spirit has ransacked the kitchen! Oh, I'm skeptical about my skepticism.
- Something's got my hand! - Oh! That's me, Johnny.
(Moaning) That's that (Babbling) sound! It's the ghost! It's coming from the clock tower.
Let's go! (Rapid beeping) - (Beeping stops) - That's it! - (Moaning) - That's the ghost shadow I saw on TV.
Get the spirit vacuum trap ready! Really? Me? Okay.
Okay, I'm on it.
(Whirring) Gotcha! Ha-ha! Oh! Mom? You're the Voltage ghost? Mm-hm.
Hey, Joey.
I love this cheesecake, Gemma.
I fired Dave.
Maddie! Hi.
Okay.
I know that you told me to butt out of your love life, but Josh is waiting for you outside for his fake basketball lesson.
What're you going to do? Um, I'm gonna shut this whole "secret admirer" thing down.
I mean, he wasted my time.
And my very valuable knowledge of basketball.
Are you sure? I mean, Maddie, Josh is a really, really great guy.
You know? And I know that you are not ready to start dating yet.
But if you were, I actually think that you guys could be really good together.
I don't know.
He lied to me, Liv.
So that he could spend time with you! Would you have spent time with him if he'd been honest with you? - No.
- And did you have a fun time with him? Not relevant.
That is totally a yes.
Liv, you're confusing me! I'm just gonna go out there and I'm gonna shut it down.
Josh, I have something to say to you and you're not going to like it.
Well, if you say it, Maddie, I'll like it.
(Sighs) (Laughs) Wow.
He really is sweet.
(Chuckles) So, what is it you were going to say? That it's so much fun coaching me? No.
No! No.
What I was going to say is that you are nowhere near ready for your big basketball scene.
Nowhere.
Uh, yeah.
You should just probably plan on coming here, like, every day.
'Cause we have a lot of work to do.
You know, you and me.
Together.
Liv: Yay! (Chuckles) Can you give me just one sec? You didn't shut it down! You cranked it up! You like Josh! Stop, don't say anything, not a word, shut your mouth, remain silent.
What are you doing standing around, J Man?! Let's play some b-ball! Ha! Caught it.
See? Your lessons are paying off.
That hurt your hand, didn't it? So much.
Karen Rooney is the Voltage ghost! Did not see that coming! Well, I would've gotten away with it, too, if not for these meddling kids.
You were sneaking on this set to eat cheesecake? You told me you couldn't make me pancakes anymore because you didn't have the time.
But you had all the time in the world, Mother! It was Corsun's cheesecake from LA.
I should come clean.
This cheesecake isn't from Corsun's.
Shipping it in from LA is way too expensive.
It's from Larry's Cheesecake Hut.
You mean that stinkhole next to the gas station? Huh.
You just saved me a pant size.
(Gemma babbling)