Lost In Space (1965) s03e12 Episode Script

- Will, what are you doing here? - Just waitin' for lunch.
Lunch? Now, stop that, dear.
I thought you were with Dr.
Smith.
Mom, I can't sleep in the daytime like he does.
Anyway, you know Dr.
Smith.
- What are we having for lunch? I'm starved.
- [ Loud Boom .]
- What was that? - I don't know.
There's nothing in the sky.
Maybe it was an asteroid or a spaceship.
- Where is Dr.
Smith? - I'll take you to him.
Come on.
It's over here.
Will you please stop playing with the lights, whoever you are? [ Sighs .]
Dr.
Smith.
- Um, yes, madam? - Two hours ago I told you Don and the girls were going out collecting plant and mineral specimens.
- Isn't that right? - Yes.
I do seem to recall some mention of that.
And I also asked if you would please send the Robot out to help them carry back anything that was too heavy.
- Yes.
Yes, of course.
- Then what is he doing there? - I have received no orders.
- Tattletale.
- Come on, Dr.
Smith.
I'll help you find them.
- You'd better hurry.
Just you wait! Hi.
Did you find any plants? Not a one.
I don't think Penny's finding any either.
- We split up so we could cover as much area as possible.
- [ Loud Boom .]
What was it? An eclipse? No.
It was much too close for an eclipse.
I think we'd better get back to the spaceship.
- But what about Penny? - We'll find her on the way back.
- We don't have to wait for the Robot.
- No.
Oh, it's a daffodil, just like on Earth.
Only it isn't real.
It's made of paper.
- Judy? - [ Growls .]
Who are you? [ Anxious Grunting .]
- I wasn't gonna pick it.
- [ Anxious Grunting Continues .]
You want me to go away? - [ Affirmative Grunting .]
- Yes.
I think I will, thank you.
- [ Anxious Grunting Resumes .]
- [ Screams .]
Ow! Let go of me! You want me to-- You want me to go that way? No.
I didn't do anything, and I'll just go back the way I came! - [ Desperate Grunting .]
- [ Screams .]
[ Continues Screaming .]
Oggo! What the devil are you doing here? Get back inside! Stop struggling in there, you silly little girl.
You can't get away.
You'll only hurt yourself.
- Then you'll be spoiled as an exhibit.
- Exhibit? Of course, Earth girl.
You're mine now.
- I trapped you for my zoo.
- Zoo? Penny? Penny? - I thought she'd be around here somewhere.
- Let's go, Penny! - [ Sighs .]
Penny! - Penny! [ Judy .]
Penny? Penny? - Judy, help! - Silence! Your name is Penny.
Well, then, Penny, close your eyes.
- No, I won't! - I'm not going to hurt you.
Not until you tell me who you are and what you mean by "zoo.
" Well, not the silly little net that you're in.
At the moment, you're outside my zoo, but just wait-- wait until you see your quarters inside! - Hurry up! Close your eyes! - Oh, please, sir.
I'd much rather be outside the zoo.
Would you want me to destroy your friends who are calling you? - No! Please don't hurt them! - Well, then do as I say.
Yes, sir.
That's it.
Tight now.
[ Chuckles .]
I promise, this won't hurt a bit.
You're going to love the quarters I've arranged for you.
- Now, are you ready? Hmm? - [ Electronic Warbling .]
[ Cackles .]
I've got her.
I've got her! - There.
Isn't that better? - No.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You see, I'm really quite harmless.
[ Chuckles Deviously .]
I only use this silly thing when I trap Homo sapiens.
Most human beings, I find, are afraid of loud noises and bad faces.
You mean you've trapped other people from Earth? Well, I used to exhibit Martians but no one seems to believe in them much anymore.
But, yes, of course I've trapped other people from Earth.
I'll show you.
I'll prove it to you! Come with me.
Wait till you see this.
Now, you just stand right here.
Now, turn around.
That's it.
Uh-- that way.
- Are you ready? - [ Electronic Warbling, High-frequency Tone .]
[ Grunts .]
- He's an old-fashioned knight in armor.
- [ Chuckles .]
Yes.
Of course, my dear.
I snatched him out of your Middle Ages.
His name is Mort.
Now, wait until you see this dear, sweet thing.
[ High-frequency Tone .]
## [ Harpsichord .]
- Oh, I think I've seen her before someplace.
- [ Chuckles .]
- Excuse me, miss-- - Not now, my dear.
Later.
I'm afraid Mrs.
Whistler's rather hard of hearing but you do see how happy she looks, hmm? But if that knight's from the Middle Ages and she's from the 19th century-- Yes, I know.
Time and space mean absolutely nothing to me.
Why, I've collected specimens from all ages of human development.
You see, I am the great Farnum B.
, showman of the cosmos sole proprietor of the one and only traveling zoo in all the heavens.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Farnum, but I'm not very pleased to meet you.
Oh.
Oh, well.
Just you wait until you see your room! Come along, my dear! This way.
Now, here we are.
Hmm? - [ Electronic Warbling .]
- Your room! My room? It doesn't look like much.
Oh! Wait.
Just you wait, Penny.
You'll be safe here.
No more struggling for survival.
Why, here you can have anything you want forever.
You see, you'll be exhibited in your natural habitat.
[ High-frequency Tone .]
Ta-da! Earth girl, [ Electronic Warbling .]
[ High-frequency Tone .]
- [ High-frequency Tone .]
- [ Farnum .]
Not bad, huh? [ Chuckles .]
Just like home.
- This was way back in Grandmother's time.
- Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry.
A few minor adjustments may be necessary.
- Um, Mr.
Farnum? - What? - How did you do all this? - Oh.
Oh, well, this is nothing.
Wait till you taste the food in my zoo.
Mm.
Yummy.
And you can have anything you like, anything you can think of.
And there are no germs here and air so pure you'll live for hundreds of-- Uh, go on, Mr.
Farnum.
Years.
There's only one thing, my dear.
You must never, ever try to deceive me like you, you ungrateful little brat, you! You thing! Give me that! - Can't even steal properly without making a mess of it.
- Oh! - What have you been doing with my control box? - [ Confused Grunting .]
Get out of here! Get back to your cage! Do you hear me? Get back to your cage, or I'll ship you home-- home to your filthy jungle! - Out! - No! Please don't hurt him! Oh, don't worry, my dear.
I would never hurt him.
But don't you tell him that.
[ Chuckles .]
Blasted prehistoric nuisance.
- Do you know that he's my most valuable exhibit? - You mean he's from Earth too? But of course! The only Stone Age cave boy in captivity! - The one and only authentic-- - [ Beeping .]
[ Beeping Continues, Louder .]
Well, no wonder.
One of my traps is buzzing.
Look at that! - What? - [ Shrieks .]
I've caught another one! Oh! [ Laughs Heartily .]
- Oh, galloping galaxies! - [ High-frequency Tone .]
This is my lucky day! - Where are we? - I don't know.
- [ Whip Cracks .]
- Both of you, back! - Now, look here, mister.
- [ Whip Cracks .]
Do as I say! Get back! Mort! What in the name of-- [ Farnum Chuckles Deviously .]
Be careful, my boy.
He'll tear you asunder.
Better call him off, mister.
That medieval armor's no match against this.
[ Judy Shrieks .]
Oh, stop struggling, you silly fool.
It won't do you any good.
Mort here is one of my finest exhibits-- the original Sir Mordred, who killed your King Arthur.
the original Sir Mordred, who killed your King Arthur.
Mort! Bring them along! [ Farnum .]
Put them in this empty cell next to Penny's.
[ High-frequency Tone .]
Hurry, Mort! We've got to get going.
- Get going? Where? - Oh, dear.
I hope I'm not going to have trouble with that one.
But you'll help me, won't you, my dear, to keep him calm, hmm? The trouble with the Homo sapiens male, I understand is that they all used to be boys.
[ Shudders .]
What's wrong with boys? Weren't you one once? Well, of course not! Where I come from, we've done away with that "growing up" nonsense.
But if it's true you've caught all kinds of humans, you must have had lots of experience.
Are you calling me a fraud, Penny? I'll have you know that I have caught hundreds literally thousands, of human beings.
And the only one I have any trouble with is Oggo and do you know why? Because he's a boy.
So there.
Hmm.
I don't see anybody, Dr.
Smith.
- Are you sure you set his direction finders right? - Of course I did.
He's simply not cooperating today, and that is what it is.
Now, then, you tin-plated tintinnabulation, where is the major? And Judy? And Penny? Answer me at once, do you hear? - [ Robot Speaking Gibberish .]
- Dr.
Smith, I think he's trying to make alarm signals.
- [ Gibberish Continues .]
- Alarm signals, my foot.
I see nothing to be alarmed about.
Actually, this is one of the most pleasant areas - I have ever been in.
- [ Gibberish .]
- Ah, yes, it's perfectly charming.
- But Dr.
Smith-- Hush, William.
Will you stop cackling, you cantankerous clod? William, look! How lovely! What a lovely daffodil for your mother.
Dr.
Smith, where'd you go? Dr.
Smith, where-- Let go of me! - Let me go! - William! William, where are we? - Let me go! - Silence! Ho-ho! I've hit the jackpot! - Who's that thing? - That's Dr.
Smith.
- "Thing" indeed.
How dare you, sir! - No, no, no.
The other thing.
Our Robot.
Mort! - Do your duty.
- No, no.
Wait just a moment, sir.
I have a splendid suggestion to make.
- You have? - Yes, I do.
Let them-- that is to say, this one and that one-- Let them joust.
- Let them what? - Joust.
You know, as when knighthood was in flower.
- Well, I, uh-- - It's really quite simple, sir.
I shall explain it to you.
If your knight wins, why, then, you have us at your mercy.
Howsoever, if our Robot emerges victorious you will grant us our freedom.
What do you say, my dear sir? Is it agreed? [ Buzzing .]
Well why not? - [ Chuckles Deviously .]
- It's a bargain.
[ Spits .]
Mort, please, try not to damage him too much.
He'll make such a lovely exhibit.
[ Whispering .]
Take him, my dear friend.
Take him, my bosom companion.
Take him! [ Whispering .]
Hit him! Slug him! [ Dr.
Smith Gasps .]
[ Bell Dings .]
[ Robot Yelling Threateningly .]
[ Yelling Continues .]
[ Metal Crashing .]
[ Cackling .]
Now, you stupid Earth creatures-- Now do you believe that I, Farnum B.
, am the greatest showman of the cosmos? Perhaps one or two of my exhibits are a bit, uh hmm, humbug.
But that's show business, isn't it? Mort here is the greatest robot ever created.
And you, you are all in my zoo forever.
Oh, and I'll try very, very hard to make you happy or break every bone in your bodies.
[ Laughs Evilly .]
Yah! [ Cackling .]
[ Sighs .]
Oh, Will, what are we gonna do? I don't know.
I'm sure I'd just love to spend forever in a girl's room.
That's not important.
The trouble is Mr.
Farnum's so smart.
- ## [ Simple Melody .]
- It's obvious he can travel anyplace-- through time, space, anything.
Well, then why didn't he bring back a real knight from the Middle Ages? Who cares? Oh, Will, don't you realize the spot we're in? You wanna be an animal in a zoo for the rest of your life? - But Penny-- - [ Crash .]
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Now, you just stop that! You asked for lamps, didn't you? I gave them to you.
- What are you throwing them for? - All right, but give me my laser gun.
- Give me a radio! - Major, I don't understand why you're carrying on like this.
I give you almost everything, and as soon as I get organized I promise you'll all even have your own private cages.
And on top of that, there's no danger here, no disease.
All right! Then I'll quit throwing things.
- Oh, good.
- [ Sighs .]
I'm just trying to make you listen to me.
That's all.
Don't you understand? Trying to make you listen.
- So if you'll just step inside here, maybe we can-- - Major, Major, Major.
You have inferior intelligence.
Don't you know it's impossible to trick me? Oh, besides, time to get this show on the road! - Show on the road? - Yes, of course.
Now that I have you 20th-century specimens, my exhibit's complete.
Ho-ho! I'll pack them in.
At last, I'll clean up! Wait! Where are we goin'? Oh, first a little road trip, cover several galaxies.
Just as soon as I make certain Dr.
Smith is properly settled we'll be blasting off! Get him in here.
Excuse me, Mr.
Farnum.
Please? Yes, yes, my dear? What is it? I'm in a terrible hurry.
- Well, I just thought of something else I'd like.
- What? - Um, could I please have a strawberry? - A strawberry? Now? - Well, you said I could have anything I wanted.
- I did? Oh, yes.
So I did.
Well, I think I have time to manage a little thing like a strawberry.
[ Electronic Warbling .]
I thought you were going to ask for something-- something much more difficult something like an artichoke.
Close your eyes.
Open your mouth.
Now, there's a real, live strawberry.
There! - How's that? - Mmm.
It's delicious! - Oh, good.
Here.
Have another.
- [ Groans .]
It's yellow.
Yes.
Of course.
Isn't it lovely? - It's supposed to be red.
- Oh.
Well, never mind.
Mmm.
A few minor adjustments.
You will be happy here though.
- Just you wait.
- [ Electronic Warbling .]
Ta! - What did you do? - It's an old trick.
There's a woman over there.
She looked awfully nice, and she's pretty old so I guess she's been here a long time.
- Maybe she can tell us how to get out.
- Yeah.
Come on.
There! Excuse us, please, Mrs.
Whistler.
- [ Will .]
Hey, ma'am! - Mr.
Farnum says she's a little deaf.
Excuse us, ma'am.
Please.
Mrs.
Whistler.
[ Shrieks .]
She's a fake.
Maybe everything here's a fake, everything except us.
- No.
Not Oggo.
- Oggo? The cave boy.
He was even outside when I got caught.
So he must know the secret.
Oggo can show us how to get out.
Come on.
I came here to see if Mort supplied you with everything you asked for.
I came here to see if Mort supplied you with everything you asked for.
Oh, please.
I'm in a hurry.
What is the matter with you? Didn't he arrange your natural habitat properly? Yes, indeed.
"My natural habitat.
" This is what I'm accustomed to.
This is what I deserve.
Champagne.
Fresh caviar.
Howsoever, my dear Mr.
Farnum there is one rather important theme that I remember that seems to be missing.
How very nice.
Well, just don't throw it at me like that ungrateful major.
A little pocket money.
My dear Mr.
Farnum, at last I've found an environment suitable to my station in life.
And you have done it, Excellency! You are my savior, my leader! May I congratulate you for rescuing me for posterity-- for the ages.
You mean you-- you really like my little zoo? Ask rather do I like the fountains of youth do I like basking on the shores of heaven.
- Do you? - Yes.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
Oh, dear-- Oh, dear, Mr.
Farnum, I am forgetting my manners.
Now, then, sir.
May I offer you some pickled shrimp? Pheasant under glass? Rare roast beef? Don't you understand? Home.
Wouldn't you like to go back where you came from, back to your jungle? [ Anxious Grunting .]
I guess that prehistoric jungle of his wasn't so hot.
I think he's been living with Mr.
Farnum ever since he was a little boy.
- [ Growling .]
- Evidently he doesn't care much for Mr.
Farnum either.
Oggo, please! We just want you to show us how to get out because you don't want us here either, do you? I mean, you tried to shoo me away from the daffodil, remember? Well, weren't you trying to save me from being caught? [ Grunting Affirmatively .]
I think he's changing his mind about you.
You could come with us if you like.
[ Chuckles .]
Shh! Maybe he's afraid there are too many of us.
Could you get one of us out, just one? [ Grunting .]
I guess it's easier to get you out 'cause you're smaller and you could bring help and get the rest of us out.
- [ Grunting Affirmatively .]
- You'd better get back to your cage, Penny.
Don't worry.
Come on, Oggo.
Let's go.
- May I? - May you what? - By all means.
- Thank you.
Mr.
Farnum, there is one little thing.
I hesitate to mention it.
- Yes? - My wristwatch.
- Your wristwatch? - After I received your charming little gifts I noticed that my wristwatch was missing.
Ohh.
Tell me when Mort was in here arranging things, did Oggo come in too? The little hairy creature? Uh, yes--yes, he did.
For a moment.
Oh, good for him.
He stole it, and you didn't even notice.
Oh, I've taught him well.
That clever little scoundrel.
- I'm very pleased with him.
- For shame, Mr.
Farnum.
- Did you teach the boy to steal? - [ Grunts Affirmatively .]
To steal, to lie, to cheat, never to trust anyone.
Well, I mean, after all, how else can man survive in show business, hmm? Do you know, if it hadn't been for Oggo, there are some planets I would've been ridden off on a rail, wearing tar and feathers.
- Zach-- - Zach indeed! Smitty? Do you know that I have never caught a real human being in my whole life? - Pity.
- Mm-hmm.
Except Oggo, that is.
But if you knew what a nuisance it's been trying to keep him primitive like that.
Do you know I'm even afraid to speak in front of him for fear that he'll start talking and ruin the only good exhibit that I've got.
This zoo, everything-- a fraud? No, sir.
Delusion.
[ Snickers .]
Oh, my inventions are real and so is my zoo now, now that I've got real, live people down there.
Oh, Smitty, I tell you.
We'll simply clean up! Standing room only! Now that you're here to help me control them to help me with the work-- Just one moment, sir.
Did I understand you to say that there was work to be done? Well, sometimes it becomes a bit much to handle.
Collecting the admissions, that is.
Do you know that there are some planets where they pay admission in diamonds that have to be weighed? And emeralds so heavy that even Mort can't lift them.
- Diamonds? - Mm.
- And emeralds? - Mm-hmm.
How very nice.
Mr.
Farnum, a toast.
To your new assistant.
- [ Beeping .]
- Oh! Oh, dear.
- What was that? - No.
Not that one.
- [ Beeping Continues .]
- That's the wrong one.
Ah! There we are.
- What is that? - Escape! [ Alarms Ringing .]
- Is that it? Is that where we get out? - [ Anxious Grunting .]
- [ Grunting .]
- You mean, that goes to where you live - back to your jungle? - [ Grunting Affirmatively .]
Oggo, show me mine.
How do I get back to the spaceship? Oggo, you young devil! Keep away from those doors! - Hurry! - [ Grunting .]
Give me that boy.
You little brat! [ Screams .]
Where are we? This is the wrong place.
Oggo? Oggo? Oggo! - Oggo? - [ Groaning .]
- Mr.
Farnum! - [ Continues Groaning .]
Brats! Worthless young scamps! - Mr.
Farnum! - [ Growls .]
Take your dirty little paws off my person.
- I think something's wrong, sir.
- Oh, good heavens! I think maybe we fell through the wrong door.
Oh, you think maybe we fell through the wrong door? Well, just you wait, young man.
Just you wait.
In five seconds, I'm going to teach you to-- [ Shrieks .]
Oh! Oh! My ankle! - Does your ankle hurt, sir? - [ Sarcastically .]
No.
- [ Shrieks .]
- I've never seen caves like this near the Jupiter.
- Not even on our whole planet maybe.
- Oh, how observant you are.
- How wise.
- What I mean is, where are we? How should I know where we are? This should teach you a good lesson, huh? I suppose now you'll be ready to go back to my zoo, boy.
Well, I'll just press this button, and in five seconds-- Will that take us back? Is something wrong with it? Uh, no! No, no.
It's the wrong control box.
That's all.
Where is it? Where are my other control boxes? I don't know.
Well, how are we going to escape from-- Escape.
Escape.
That's it.
I took the control boxes out when the escape alarm rang.
Oh, no, no, no, no! Yes, I left them there! I left them in Dr.
Smith's room! [ Growls .]
Oggo, come here.
Have you seen Mr.
Farnum? I can't seem to find him anywhere.
[ Grunting .]
Down there? Where? He's gone away? He's gone away? [ Forceful Grunting .]
Oggo, did you do something to him? Did you get rid of him? Forever? You stupid little creature! Now what shall I do? Now I shall never be saved! And then when I think of all those diamonds and emeralds! - [ Grunting .]
- What? What? Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I know.
These are Farnum's controls, but I don't know how to operate them! Oggo, do you know how these control boxes work how the whole spaceship works? You do? How very interesting.
Perhaps we shall not need Mr.
Farnum after all.
That wicked man.
I'm sure he mistreated you and was very cruel to you.
You poor, dear boy.
Never even gave you proper clothes, did he? Oggo, wouldn't it be lovely to have a nice, new, shiny coat like a real circus boy? Would you like that? Perhaps I can arrange it.
Perhaps, Oggo we can help each other.
We can be friends.
And I would not be cruel to you.
Oh, no.
I would treat you very kindly.
And the others too.
You see they don't know what's best for them, but I do.
I know how to make everyone happy.
What do you say, Oggo? Shall we cooperate? Don.
Dr.
Smith! - How did you get out there? - Hurry.
Open this door.
Oggo! What are you doing in that coat? Never mind the coat.
There's work to be done.
What happened to Will? Oggo, did Will get out? - Smith, open the door.
- Not yet, Major.
Not until I have tested one more thing.
Oggo, come here.
- Show me the proper button.
- Test what thing, what button? - Dr.
Smith, what are you talking about? - The acid test.
- Oh, please let it work.
- [ Box Beeping .]
Mort? Yoo-hoo.
Mort? Now, then, sir.
Right face.
Right face! About face! About face! He's doing it! He's doing it! Tell him to let us out! - Hurry! - Yes! Let us out of here! Silence! Have you forgotten those sacred words, "The show must go on"? - The what? - Unfortunately, Mr.
Farnum has met with a slight accident.
I am in charge here now, and let me remind you this zoo is already booked for a road tour.
There are eager customers waiting on distant planets with money in their hot little hands.
Smith, you open this door.
You'll get out when I say so, Major-- when I have collected that money.
For the nonce, I am the greatest showman in the cosmos.
Mort, I shall need your help to put my mechanical misfit back together again.
- We are hitting the road.
- [ Whip Cracks .]
Smith, get back here! Hurry up, sir.
We'd better at least find out where we are.
- Easy.
Easy.
- Maybe we fell through Oggo's door.
Ohh.
That's not so bad.
Thank you, boy.
You're welcome, sir.
I guess now you can see that boys can be of some use.
Well, I know that.
That conniving Oggo is the most useful thing I've ever caught.
Blasted brat.
He's 10 times smarter than you are.
Why haven't you ever told him that? - Never you mind.
- Mr.
Farnum why did you start your old zoo in the first place? Why? Well because it's in my blood, that's why.
I'll have you know that my mommy was the greatest monster tamer of all the outer heavens.
Oh.
You know, but why does that make you wanna catch everything? Oh, well, boys catch things, don't they? Yes, they do.
I've seen them.
They catch all sorts of crawly things like snakes and spiders and lizards.
But we just do that to learn how they feel and once we do, well, we let them go.
You let them-- Ohh, you have an inferior intelligence, boy.
Yes, sir.
But maybe you feel that way because you never were a boy.
You never had the chance to grow up.
Now, that'll be enough out of you! [ Shrieks .]
Oh, let me go, boy! I am the great Farnum B! I don't-- I don't need anyone's help! Not yours, not anybody's! Oh, good heavens.
- What is it? What's the matter? - This is where Oggo came from.
[ Will .]
It can't be.
I've seen pictures of prehistoric Earth.
No, no, no, no.
Not Earth.
Oggo's humbug.
Haven't you guessed that by now? I merely found him on this horrible planet and dressed him up to look like a cave boy.
- That's all.
- You what? Then I taught him to lie to cheat, to steal to never trust anybody.
How he must be laughing now! - Why? - At what he's done to me, of course! Oggo is the only one who can get us out of here.
Nobody else can figure it out.
Oggo's the only one that can save us.
Oh, but then if-- if he's learned his lessons as well as I think he has well-- oh, well, then he'll never-- What kind of a planet is this? I believe the life expectancy here is 45 minutes.
- ## [ Circus .]
- This way! This way! Come and see the primitive Earth people.
See Homo sapiens in his natural habitat.
See the Renegade Robot of Mars.
See the greatest show from Earth.
[ Whip Cracks .]
Oggo, give it here.
Later, boy.
Later.
You'll have your chance later.
Have a look.
Jewels.
We're on a planet where they pay in jewels.
Let me see.
Emeralds, rubies, sapphires.
[ Don .]
Grab them, Penny, and wrap them around his neck.
Silence! For shame, Major.
- Don't you appreciate what I'm doing for you? - I'm gonna slaughter you.
I swear, when I get outta here, I'm gonna-- Really, Major.
It's very bad form for the aliens to see you behaving in this way.
- The curtain's going up.
Take your places! - Curtain? Oggo, give this here.
I'll handle it.
[ Warbling .]
- ## [ Circus .]
- [ Chattering .]
Good luck, everyone.
On with the show! [ Aliens Exclaiming .]
Oh, no, no! There must be hundreds of 'em out there.
What are they? [ Aliens Chattering, Exclaiming .]
- [ Shrieks .]
- That's it.
That's it.
Move about.
Put some showmanship into it.
[ Panting .]
Penny, don't just stand there.
Move about.
- I've worked very hard on this production.
- But I'm scared.
Nonsense, my dear.
Remember how the polar bears bask in their pool of water? How the little raccoons show off in their cages? But I'm a person, and they're-- Well, look at them! [ Chattering, Exclaiming Continue .]
Don't worry.
We'll get out of here somehow.
- [ Shrieks .]
- Now, stop it at once, do you hear? Play it up! Play your part well, and I promise you shall have ice cream at feeding time.
Ice cream? Well, what are you grinning at? Look at you in that silly coat.
Is that all you wanted? Are you happy now? - [ No Audible Dialogue .]
- You, sir-- into your Renegade Robot of Mars outfit quickly.
Peanuts, popcorn! Get your peanuts, popcorn! Robot, I can understand about Dr.
Smith and that silly boy but how could you let this happen? Because the show must go on.
Dr.
Smith implanted that on all my memory tapes.
This has nothing to do with the show.
Can't you erase your tapes and start acting like you should? Self-erasure of tapes is against a robot's prime directive.
Is that all you can say? There is no business like show business, at least according to Dr.
Smith.
Now, you stop that.
At least try to erase all that from your tapes and help us.
Very well.
It shall be done.
[ Raucous Laughter .]
[ Laughter Continues .]
I'll keelhaul that Dr.
Smith! I'll smash him! I'll draw and quarter him.
I'll break every bone in his greedy, mean body! [ Laughter Increases .]
Ohh, you know what it makes me wanna do? - [ Laughter Increases .]
- Oh! Take it easy, Judy.
We'd all better take it easy.
[ Exhales Forcefully .]
But now I know how the monkeys feel.
It's five minutes to showtime.
See the humans.
See them eat.
See their funny faces.
See the silly humans.
This way! This way! Mort, careful with those jewels.
Put them all in my room, remember? Hurry, hurry, hurry! See the greatest show on Earth! Get your tickets! See the one and only Zachary Smith present his marvel of the ages! Ah, madam.
How many? Three? I have them right here.
Here we are, sir.
Thank you very much.
Go along.
Go along.
Aha-ah.
My, my, what a pretty little girl.
Aha-ah.
My, my, what a pretty little girl.
Don't feed this to the animals, girlie.
They'll bite.
[ Chuckles .]
See them bite! See the terrifying, raging major.
See the pretty little girl.
See-- No, no.
Later.
Later, Oggo.
You'll get your chance later.
Hurry, hurry! Stop it! Do you hear? Stop it! - The show's over, Smith.
- [ Robot .]
Ring down the curtain, Dr.
Smith.
I just wanted to help, Major.
I meant no harm.
I was just trying to make a bit of money for all of us, for the children's future.
- I told you to be quiet.
- Oh, Don, I found another one of Mr.
Farnum's control boxes.
- Where's Will? - I don't know where Will is.
Oggo, you know where Will is, don't you? He's with Mr.
Farnum, isn't he? And you know how to get them back.
- [ Don .]
I'll handle this.
- No! Wait a minute, Don! Don't you care about anything but that silly, shiny coat? Have you really been having so much fun since Mr.
Farnum disappeared? No.
You wait a minute.
We all love Will.
What if something awful happened to him? Do you want that? - [ Grunting Negatively .]
- Do you want something awful to happen to Mr.
Farnum? - [ Panting .]
- Do you? Really? Mr.
Farnum would never do anything to really hurt you.
I know he wouldn't.
He told me so.
Oggo, please.
Maybe he is awful but he did raise you, didn't he? And even if he can't understand about boys doesn't mean you can't-- can't try to understand about men about fathers.
Please, Oggo.
Please help us! [ Creature Roaring .]
- Maybe he's too big to get in here.
- [ Continues Roaring .]
What are we going to do? There's no place to run! - [ Will .]
Maybe he'll go away.
- [ Coughing .]
No, he won't! I can't stand places like this-- closed in, suffocating! [ Hyperventilating .]
[ Coughing .]
We're going to be trapped! Boy, I have claustrophobia! Don't you have any sympathy? - Well, sure I have, but there's nothing I can do about it.
- [ Creature Roaring .]
- [ Both Coughing .]
- [ Will .]
Wait.
The air's better down here, towards the ground.
[ Wheezing .]
No, it's not! [ Whimpering .]
He's going to catch us! We're trapped like rats! Now you know how it feels, Mr.
Farnum.
Help! Help me! Help us! Anybody! Help! - [ Coughs .]
- [ Don .]
Take it easy, Mr.
Farnum.
- Don! - Oggo! Stay down, all of you.
Stay down.
[ Roars .]
[ All Coughing .]
[ Coughing Continues .]
[ Roars .]
- That does it.
- [ Whoops .]
We're saved! We're saved! [ Laughing Hysterically .]
I called, and you came to save us.
You came to save me.
Me, the great Farnum.
[ Laughter Subsides .]
Oh, Oggo.
After all the horrid, stupid things I taught you, you still came.
Well, come on, son.
Get on with it! Speak your piece.
Good-bye, Penny.
- [ Judy .]
Ahh! - How about that? Give a boy an inch, and he'll take a mile.
Next thing, he'll be talking my head off.
Well, we've got to find a new way to make a living.
But that's showbiz.
Good-bye, everybody.
Good-bye.
- Come along, son.
- Good-bye, Mr.
Farnum.
Mom, do you suppose I'll ever meet a nice boy from my own neighborhood? Goodness.
I hope so, dear.
Come on.
[ Jet Propulsion Whistling .]
There they go.
[ Dr.
Smith Groans .]
Oh, dear! [ Don .]
Smith.
- Smith! - [ Dr.
Smith .]
Oh, how dare he? That cur! That ingrate! He and that worthless boy! Do you know what that lying Farnum had the temerity to say when he threw me overboard? He said I was a fraud.
He said he would not allow me in any kind of zoo.
Indeed! A man of my quality! Beware, Farnum! I'll sue you for libel! - Beware! Help me out of this infernal thing! Oh! - [ Laughter Continues .]