Monk s03e12 Episode Script

That's Julie's dance studio right there.
She'll be out soon.
- She has a big recital coming up.
- Do you have pliers? - What for? - Huh, that antenna, it's bent.
So what? Well, we could straighten it out.
It'll just take a second.
Well, it's none of our business.
Forget about it.
I happen to believe that all men are brothers.
Every man's bent antenna diminishes me.
- What are you talking about? - I don't know.
Maybe he likes it like that.
You don't know.
Maybe he did it himself.
He didn't bend his own antenna.
People don't like things bent.
People like things straight.
Nice and straight.
And even.
I'll tell you what people like, Mr.
Monk.
People like people who mind their own business.
Every time I poke my nose some place, I end up regrettin' it.
It's bad karma.
I will be right back.
Stay here.
Stay.
Good boy.
MONK Season 3 Epi.
12 Mr.
Monk Gets Cabin Fever - Why couldn't we stay in the city? - Because a man there wants you dead.
Right, I know.
And that man packs a lot of muscle in the Bay Area.
I know.
That's why they have a witness protection program.
Captain, please stay in the vehicle until we get to the cabin.
What are you afraid of, Grooms? A sharp-shooting raccoon with a high-powered rifle? All right, this is not a joke, Captain.
Tommy Win has already had two other federal witnesses killed.
I know he has.
That's why I'm here.
Miss Teeger, please.
Stay in the vehicle.
- No.
All right, you can stretch your legs.
Just don't call any attention to yourself.
Good advice coming from a guy wearin' a three-piece suit in the middle of the woods.
- Where are we? - You're safe, that's where you are.
How long do we have to stay here? - Until the deposition on Monday.
- Six days.
You're doing God's work.
We finally have Tommy Win behind bars, and thanks to you, he's gonna stay there.
Six days, piece of cake.
- What? Are you okay? - I should tell you.
- I'm afraid of places.
- You're always someplace.
This is your own fault.
You should have stayed in the car.
Now we're in the middle of nowhere, my kid has to stay with my parents and she is missing a whole week of school.
You've got some drug lord with a price on your head plus you broke that guy's antenna.
I know you mean well, but you're bad karma.
Bad karma.
Yeah, bad, bad.
Look, are you thirsty? - Yes.
Uh, here.
I've got some water.
I I brought two cases in the back.
I can only drink Sierra Springs.
- What? What, is it like some medical thing? - Yes.
- Bought the wrong water.
- All right, look.
Make it fast.
Make it fast.
Hey, Monk, now remember, as long as you're here, your name is Conway.
Frank Conway.
We made up an ID for you.
Wait, he doesn't look like me.
That's a picture of you.
- It is? Excuse me, do you carry Sierra Springs bottled water? In the cooler.
Help yourself.
- Thanks.
You folks just passin' through? I'm I'm a hunter.
I'm gonna do some hunting.
The season doesn't start for three months.
- I know.
Uh, I like to get here early, get a good spot.
What are you gonna do, squat in the woods for 12 weeks? Kathy? - What? It's none of our business.
This gentleman isn't poking his nose into your life, is he? He can ask me anything he likes.
I've got nothin' to hide.
Turn that up! Martin hates country music.
He never lets me play it at home, ain't that right, darling? That is why the good lord invented headphones.
Oh, Martin, I got those dipsy-diggitys you were asking about.
Oh, thank you much.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
The best bass lure in the whole world.
Yeah, every lure you buy is the best lure in the world.
Well, that's 'cause they keep improving 'em.
I'll take two.
One for the fish and one for my lucky hat.
Okay, that'll be $22 even.
$22 go Mr.
Conway, we have to go.
Mr.
Conway? Mr.
Conway? Mr.
Conway? Frank? Frank! Hello! Mr.
Conway, we have to go! - Sorry.
I've been calling you for five minutes.
Then I should have answered you, because that is my name.
Frank Conway.
Thank you very much.
The bureau's been using this place for 30 years.
Remember that guy that testified against Marty Vincenzo? - He stayed here.
- Wasn't he killed? - Yep.
- Not here, he wasn't.
Okay.
Cell phones off and keep 'em off.
Not that it matters.
There's no signal up here.
- All right.
- The landline is for FBI use only.
No calls in or out.
As of this moment, we are closed off from the outside world.
- Can we see the rest of it? - This is it.
Look, I know it's not the Four Seasons, but we've all seen worse.
I actually don't think I have.
It's no picnic for me, either, but I suggest we all try to make the best of it.
Try to think of it like a little vacation, hmm? - Okay.
I can't do this.
I can't live like this.
I wanna go home.
You go home now, you'll get shot in the head.
- Shot in the head.
- Mr.
Monk, you're not going anywhere.
You're going to testify in open court against Tommy Win on Monday and you're gonna stay in this cabin until you do.
I'm by the door.
Miss Teeger, you have the bedroom.
Captain, you and Monk take the bunk bed.
- Huh? Top or bottom? - Oh.
Um - Okay, I'll flip a coin.
Heads or tails? - Um Hey, Monk, have a seat.
I'll sit when I get home.
Suit yourself.
Hey there, Mr.
Conway.
You know, I could get used to this.
Yeah, it's nice.
You know what would make it even nicer? - Hmm? If we were someplace else.
Well, I'm gonna make the most of it.
- Hey, guess what tomorrow is? - It's your birthday, of course.
Happy birthday to me.
What the hell happened to me, Monk? I was supposed to be the Deputy Commissioner by now.
I was the fair-haired boy, remember? Youngest detective in the history of the department.
And now, I'm the guy that knows how to find you.
- Oh, look, Captain, there isn't - Forget about it.
- Say, how's Natalie workin' out? - Oh, Natalie's great.
Just pick 'em up, pick 'em up.
I like her, I I trust her, and hey, I I depend on her.
She'll probably be quitting soon.
Hey, uh, Monk, that's just dirt.
You can throw it anywhere.
Oh, yeah.
Go ahead.
I really appreciate you comin' out here.
All the way here.
Especially on your birthday.
- You didn't have to do this.
- Yes, I did.
I don't trust these guys, particularly not Grooms.
You could have asked Lieutenant Disher, or I thought about that, but he has a big date.
The kid thinks he's in love.
- Really? - Yeah.
He's the one who ought to be in protective custody.
You are right.
This place is great.
I used to come here with my grandfather.
We used to sit in that booth over there.
Well, I, uh, hope your grandfather wasn't thinking what I'm thinking right now.
Actually, my grandfather died last year.
It's It's funny.
Every time I'm here, it's like he's with me.
Like I can feel him, his spirit.
Thank you very much.
Don't forget your cookies.
My favorite part.
I'm taking this one.
- Okay.
What does it say? "True love has finally come your way.
" No way.
It does not say that.
- It does not say that.
- Yes, it does.
Look.
Read it.
Wow.
Maybe they know something.
- Maybe they do.
Okay.
- Here.
Here is mine.
"A friendly hand will save you from a dirty death.
" Really? Wow, that's weird.
- So what are you doin' tomorrow night? - What are you doing in 20 minutes? - You like to move fast, don't you? - Well, I wouldn't say that.
So what do you want to name our first child? Okay, now you're scaring me.
Randy! - Are you okay? - Yeah.
Ooh.
"A friendly hand.
A dirty death.
" You hear that? Thunder.
I better pull the car around.
I already did and I covered the boat.
What on earth would you do without me? You mean what would I do first? As soon as that insurance kicks in, I'd get me one of those new Lebarons, fully loaded, with leather seats.
Yeah.
Sounds like you've been thinkin' about it.
Only every waking minute.
Then I'd take me one of them cruises to Hawaii.
Yeah, yeah, in your dreams.
Oh, turn that off.
You know I hate that crap.
Turn it off yourself.
Did you hear that? Huh? Hear what? My leg.
Untie my leg.
Monk.
Monk! Are you ready for your fortune? I don't know after the last one.
Listen, I've been thinking about my grandfather all day.
I know it sounds crazy, but before he died, he said he would always look out for me.
What if he's communicating with me, with us, through the cookies? Or What if it's just a coincidence? Hayley, I'm a cop.
I'm gonna wait till I see some real evidence.
Okay, Lieutenant, let's check out Exhibit A.
"Follow your heart.
" Yeah, that's kind of boring.
My turn.
"You will receive unexpected money from your uncle.
" Sorry.
It looks like your grandpa's having an off day.
- What do you mean? - I don't have any uncles.
Two aunts, but no uncles.
Oh.
It was fun while it lasted.
Is that Adrian Monk the detective? Yeah.
That's right.
You know him? Yeah, we work together all the time.
See, that's me.
And, uh, that's me.
Is he really that smart? I hear he's like Sherlock Holmes.
Yeah, well, you know, it's really a team effort.
- I'd love to meet him.
- I'll introduce you.
Really? - Yes.
But not right away because he's out of town.
Oh, is he working on some case? Well, I'm not at liberty to say.
It's confidential.
- Mmm.
- Hang on.
Randall Disher? - Yeah.
Certified letter.
Sign right here.
All right, thanks.
Oh, it's from the IRS.
Ooh, you are in trouble now.
It's a check, for $2,400 dollars.
- What? - Yeah.
It's a refund.
It says that they've been miscalculating my taxes or the past six years.
Good old Uncle Sam.
Good old Uncle Sam? She's carryin' two packages, looks like ice.
Exactly.
She's been buying ice all day.
That makes 16 bags she's carried in so far.
- Maybe she's havin' a party.
- No food! No beer, no chips, just ice.
Maybe she's having an Adrian Monk party.
The only other thing she bought today - was a new radio.
- What are you gettin' at? Plus, I am positive I heard a man screaming at 1:15 last night.
That was me.
You tied my foot to the bed.
I mean before that.
It was definitely coming from that cabin.
- What? - Hear that? - What? She said her husband didn't let her listen to country music in the house.
Maybe he's not home.
Well, where did he go? There's his boat.
- They only have the one car.
- Maybe he went on a walk.
No, I have been watching the house all day.
Captain, I have not seen him.
- It's ringing.
- Well, Agent Grooms said no calls.
- Agent Grooms can kiss - Hello? Oh, hello, Mrs.
Willowby.
- Yes? - Uh, is Martin there? My name is Darrell Hindershot.
I'm a friend of Martin's.
We went to high school together.
We're havin' a big high-school reunion.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
He is on the lake, fishin'.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'll I'll try back, then.
- You do that.
- Thank you very much.
She says he's on the lake fishing.
She killed him.
Oh, you've got to be kidding.
Can't I take you anywhere? She was playing country music? - Oh, yeah.
- And buying ice.
- That's right.
About 20 bags.
Okay, I've seen this before.
You're cooped up for a long time away from home under a lot of stress, you begin to imagine things.
I'm not imagining anything.
I heard him screaming.
- Then their lights flickered.
- And he hasn't been seen since.
Uh-huh, it's not exactly a slam-dunk, is it? Well, it sure as hell is probable cause.
It's only thunder.
It's only thunder.
It can't hurt you.
- What do you want me to do? - Do your job.
Call the sheriff.
If I call the local yokels they're gonna want to talk to Monk.
I can't allow that.
W-what kind of cop are you? I'm a cop who has his priorities straight, Captain.
It's my job to protect that man.
What if he's wrong? We'll be blowing his cover for nothing.
He is never wrong.
Maybe he heard something.
I don't know, a scream.
Maybe the TV was on.
Well, why did she lie to me when I called her? You called her? Yes, I called her.
It was a local call.
It can't be traced.
Okay.
First thing in the morning, I'm gonna go into town and talk to the sheriff.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Tomorrow's too late.
She could be getting rid of the evidence right now.
That's the best I can do.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna wash up and go to bed.
Monk, are you sure? I mean, are you really sure? And don't give me any of that 95% crap.
Captain, I am 100% sure that she probably killed him.
What does that mean? Whoa-ho, hey, I need some privacy here.
- Okay.
Take your time.
Be careful out there! Which way, left or right? - Uh Not you.
- Um, left.
I think the lake is that way.
Hey, guys, joke's over.
Come on! Okay, when we get there, what's the plan? We knock on the door.
If Mr.
Willowby answers, we owe everybody a great big apology.
He's not gonna be there.
I'm telling you, she killed him.
Okay, can I say something? I'm freaking out back here.
- Why? Everywhere you go, every time you turn around, somebody is killing somebody else.
That's true.
- What? Well, there was the time you went on vacation - and then on the airplane - These things happen.
Oh, and then that that stage play.
- It happens.
- To you! Not to me, not to anybody else.
It follows you around.
You're not just unlucky, it's it's something else.
- Bad karma? - You're like a magnet.
Bad karma.
- It's like you're causing it somehow.
You're the Prince of Darkness.
No, no.
He's not the Prince of Darkness.
I've seen him vacuum the ceiling.
You wouldn't see the Prince of Darkness vacuuming the ceiling.
I can picture the Prince of Darkness vacuuming the ceiling to trick us.
- He's very tricky.
- Stop calling me the Prince of Darkness.
That's how rumors get started.
- Son of a bitch! - What happened? We're stuck! Maybe we can back out.
I'm trying.
Maybe we can go forward.
We can't go forward, we're stuck.
Maybe we can back out.
Back.
Back out.
Back out.
Ow.
We're stuck.
Open the door! Oh! God! I think the main road's about two miles up ahead.
I'll stay here with Mr.
Monk, and you go ahead and get help! No, I can't leave you.
Technically, he is still in protective custody.
Well, maybe we should all go.
Or we could just stay here.
What's this? Oh, oh, it's your birthday cake.
We were gonna surprise you.
Ready? Happy birthday, Captain.
Thank you very much, Natalie.
This is probably the most depressing birthday I've ever had.
I've had worse.
- Did you make a wish? - Yes, I did.
What was it? - Did it involve me? - Yes, it did.
Cake? I'm almost scared to open this.
It's like a Twilight Zone episode.
First I almost get run over, and then a check from the IRS? - Do you believe me now? - I don't know what to think.
Look at me.
I'm afraid of a cookie.
What does it say? "An old friend is in danger.
Only you can save him.
" - An old friend? - Monk? The number you dialed is not in service at this time.
Listen, I, uh I gotta go.
Uh, can you get yourself home okay? - What's going on? - I'll tell you later.
I promise.
I love you.
It worked.
He actually fell for it.
Of course he did.
Now he's gonna lead us right to Monk.
You visiting Tommy tonight? Tell him to relax.
Adrian Monk won't live to testify against him.
- What do you think? - I think that north is that way.
Are we lost? Just tell me.
I I I I have to know.
Are are we lost? We're not lost.
Oh, my God.
We're lost! - Hey, water! - Oh, oh.
Water.
Water.
What? What are you doing? Hey, don't, don't! No, no, don't drink that! You don't wanna do that.
You don't wanna drink that.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Mr.
Monk, you have to take a sip.
You're dehydrated.
I'm not that thirsty.
I'm not drinkin' that.
You have no idea what's in there.
Monk, don't you know what this is? This is Sierra Springs! This is the water you drink all the time.
Yeah, he's right.
And I saw it on the map.
Which means the bottling plant is right over that hill.
- Sierra Springs? - The one and only.
This is where they get it.
This is the exact same water, only it's free! Oh, uh It is! It's Sierra Springs! And it's free.
Son of a bitch! Ah, ah, I got nature There's There's nature on my hand.
I need a wipe.
Wipe! No, y-you can't clean nature with nature! Shh! Listen.
- It's a car! - A car! It's probably people.
Yeah, Monk, it's probably people.
I'm gonna take a few more pictures.
I'll meet you guys back at the station.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Can I help you folks? Our car broke down.
We got a little lost.
Yeah, we got a little lost in the woods.
We got a little lost.
What happened here? - The guy who lived here got hit by lightning.
Guess when your number's up, your number's up.
What's your name, son? Coby.
Paul Coby.
Deputy Paul Coby.
Deputy Coby, I'm a homicide detective from San Francisco.
We're staying in a cabin across the lake.
- Oh, the FBI cabin.
- Yeah.
Uh uh uh Yeah, we've been watching the woman that lives here, a Mrs.
Willowby.
That's right.
Kathy Willowby.
They wanna ask her a few questions.
It'll take just a minute.
Captain? Hello? Hello? Excuse me.
He, uh, he was killed in this boat? That's right.
I don't know what he was doing out in the storm.
He must be pretty serious about his fishing.
Got an uncle like that.
That's where the lightning hit.
- Uh-huh.
This rod is metal.
Why didn't the lightning hit the fishing rod first? I don't know.
Here's the thing.
I heard him screaming for help two nights ago.
That doesn't make sense.
The medical examiner was just here.
He put the time of death at midnight last night.
Is Mrs.
Willowby here? Have a little respect here.
My husband died last night.
I don't think so.
I think he died the night before.
I heard him screaming.
- You heard him.
- They're stayin' at the FBI cabin.
Would you please stop calling it that? Well, talk to Dr.
Culver.
He was just here.
He can tell you that Martin died last night on the lake.
I told him not to go out in the rain.
The old fool.
Isn't that Martin's lucky fishing hat? - Why wasn't he wearing it? - I don't know.
Maybe he didn't want to get it wet.
He seemed pretty excited about his new lures.
I was there when he bought them.
Wonder why he didn't try them out.
I don't have to talk to you, do I? I don't know, Kathy.
I think he's asking some mighty interesting questions.
Mrs.
Willowby, did Martin have a life insurance policy? - Maybe.
Did it have a double indemnity clause, which pays double for an act of God? A lot of policies do.
Look, I know my rights.
If you people think you've got something to prove, then prove it.
Otherwise, I want you to go.
- Lieutenant.
- Thank God.
Randy, what are you doing here? Captain, I think Monk is in danger.
I tried to call you, but Okay, this sounds crazy, I've been getting these fortune cookies and they've all been coming true.
- Fortune cookies? - Yeah.
Today I got that one.
- What, you got this today? - Yeah, at lunch.
Look, I don't believe in any of this stuff, but that's the third one, and they've all been coming true.
Lieutenant, this was made by hand.
You see the edge? It was cut with a scissors.
Randy, did you just drive up here? - Yeah.
Get down! Stay away from the window! - How many? - There's at least two! - One behind the canoes - Where's the other one? - I don't know.
- Who the hell are they? - Hit men from San Francisco.
- They're here to kill Monk! - Good! Oh, my God.
I've got it.
Here's what happened! - We didn't meet by accident.
- She electrocuted him.
It was a set-up from the very beginning.
Oh, I can see that now.
God, I'm such an idiot! She dropped the radio into the tub while he was bathing.
She wanted to make it look like an act of God to collect the extra insurance Maybe I believed it because I wanted to believe it.
All those fortunes were printed in advance, just for me! She had to preserve the body until the storm came.
That's why she bought those bags of ice.
My head is spinning.
Which one are you listening to? - Neither one.
She froze the body so the coroner would never know the time of death.
The first fortune predicted that I'd be saved from a dirty death which is exactly what happened when I left the restaurant.
Last night, during the storm, she put her husband in the boat, then cut it loose, waited a few hours, and then reported it as an accident.
Now I have to go back and arrest my girlfriend for conspiracy and attempted murder.
She'll probably break up with me.
FBI! Freeze! Grooms! A little vacation, huh? - Is it over? - Not for you.
I'm gonna order a full autopsy on Martin's body.
They'll know if it was lightning or electrocution.
- So, what the hell happened here? - She electrocuted her husband.
Well, it looks like we all had a pretty full day.
- Huh? You guys solved a homicide, and I led those two hit men into our trap.
- Yeah, that was - Right, Randy.
- Brilliant.
Really good.
- Thanks.
- I get it now.
- Get what? It's not bad karma, people getting killed whenever he's around.
It's good karma, because he's there to catch 'em and make it right.
It's a good thing, isn't it? Yes, it is.
It's a good thing.
Come on.
I'll buy you a wipe.