See Dad Run (2012) s03e12 Episode Script

Yes, Mrs.
Morgan.
No, no, tomorrow's perfect.
No, I will I will tell her I'm setting up a play date for you and Bobby for tomorrow, okay? Uh, yeah, Mrs.
Morgan tell Bobby to bring his bathing suit, I think Janie wants to go swimming, too, okay? Alright you take care of yourself.
Bye.
I don't wanna swim! Bobby stinks.
That's why I was doing this Honey, that's swimming.
Your mime skills are terrible.
I thought you liked this boy.
I do, but he stinks.
Come on, he can't be that bad.
Trust me daddy.
If that kid swims in our pool, we'll have to flush it.
Sorry Em', I got to back out of tomorrow.
David might need me to flush something.
Kevin, he can handle it by himself.
- (Both laugh) - You by yourself mom got us jobs as extras on the soap tomorrow.
Extras why would you want to spend the entire afternoon making believe you're talking in the background? (No audio) Well I was gonna use the money to fly out for my Nana's 100th birthday, but if you need me, fingers crossed, I'm sure she'll make it another year.
It's okay! Go.
No, seriously, I don't have to do it.
Kevin, you'll only be away from my father for two days.
Both: Two days? - No, I will quit right now.
Dad, tell him it's okay.
What? He's his own man, he's not my puppet.
Are you new here? Alright, have fun you guys.
Or should I say (No audio) Guys, do I really need a stupid Spanish tutor? Si.
No, I don't see, that's why I'm asking! Joe, if you don't pass Spanish, you'll have to repeat it next year.
- Fine, but this whole thing is mucho lame - O.
(Doorbell rings) Ah, there's your Spanish tutor now! - Great - O.
Son, just a little hint Putting an "o" on the end of everything does not suddenly make it Spanish.
Hi, daddy! I have another sister? - Awkward - O.
(Upbeat music) Janie, this is Tracey McPhee.
She's not your real sister.
She was my daughter on see dad run.
I don't remember you.
Well, I was fired.
No, no, no, no, no, not fired.
Marcus Barnes, our executive producer, decided to go another way.
- This is awkward - O.
So, uh, how you been? Where you been? How'd you get my address? I'm Joe's tutor.
Wait, hold on.
You're my tutor? Ooh, hello-o.
And you must be Joe.
I must be! I'm gonna go put on my skinny jeans.
I mean, get my books.
- So, you're tutoring now! Both: Good for you! Yeah, when I saw Amy had called the agency I just, I figured I'd surprise you.
Well, dang it, you did.
Well when was the last time you two saw each other? David? I am not doing a first pimple episode! I will not let the writers make me look ugly! No no no no no no no! Actually Amy, I remember.
It was right after I was fired, my life went into a tailspin, and see dad run went on to become a hit! Actually, I think TV guide referred to it as "a cultural juggernaut," but let's get back to you honey.
Listen, you were not fired.
Marcus Barnes, our executive producer, his job was to do that kind of stuff and he decided to go another way.
Um, bottom line, Tracey, we're going another way.
Um To be clear, I decided to go another way.
David had nothing to do with this.
You're making the biggest mistake of your life, and you'll all live to regret it! What's your name, son? Gerry.
You look more like a Kevin.
Okay! Whatever happened to Marcus? Actually Tracey, he lives in - He moved to Dubai.
Hey, where's my best buddy at? (Screams) Did I say Dubai? I meant nearby.
Tracey McPhee.
So, what do we owe this pleasure? Tracey is Joe's Spanish tutor.
Good for you! Thanks.
Turns out my acting career kind of stalled.
One choke hold to a security guard, and suddenly you have "anger issues.
" It's not like I tried to run him over with my car.
I mean, if there's no witnesses, it didn't happen, right? Such a lovely story.
(Whispers) I have to go.
I have to apologize, Tracey.
The thing is that I was talking with my son earlier, and it turns out he doesn't really need a tutor Hey, dad, not so fast.
Look, Tracey.
I am as dumb as a stump when it comes to Spanish, so I really need you.
Well, let's get started! I am right behind you.
Ooh, ooh ah.
Come on, come on! Unh! Okay.
All right, background, here's your motivation.
Blend into the background.
If I notice you, you're fired! And, hey, hey, hey, have fun! All right, let's practice our silent conversation.
(No audio) Are you mouthing "David" over and over again? No yes, I am.
Look, I just Do you think he's okay without me? Kevin, you need to show him that you have a life and that you're a somebody.
So, start being a nobody and blend into the background.
Okay guys, here's the scene.
So Sasha, one of my multiple personalities, is back to being a bad high school girl again, and she's stolen the colonel's family jewels.
And I've gone undercover, disguised as a science teacher, to bust her.
Wouldn't it make more sense if he was the Spanish teacher? Just because I am a gorgeous Latin lover, I can't play a science teacher Who loves science, slowly, and with passion.
Cue the background! And Action! Of course I studied! It's not like I was pretending to do my homework while actually out, stealing diamonds.
Once I grade your science test, slowly, and with passion I will know the truth.
Oh, no! I forgot to remind David about his spa appointment! No, you can't call him! We're in the middle of a scene.
Emily, your father's skin is a national treasure.
You can't stop me.
Okay, you can stop me.
- Now this, is a "taa - Co.
" "Taco.
" Good.
Now this next one's a tough one.
"Chili con carne.
" Now "chili," is obvious, means cold.
And "con" is the opposite of "pro," which means bad.
And "carne" is a carnival.
So this is cold food you find at a bad carnival.
You teach good.
Hi, guys.
Hey, dad, check it out.
Tracey is teaching me Spanish with food.
Oh.
Kwess-a-della? I thought that was pronounced "quesadilla.
" Very common mistake, you got to really hit the "I" s.
That's why there's two of 'Em.
Are you sure? I'm pretty sure.
When I was under house arrest I watched a lot of "tell-a novel-as.
" Isn't it "telenovela?" Come on, David, who's the expert here? This muchacho.
Well then, pass me one of those kwess-a-dell-as, muchacho.
Thank you! Whoa! (Coughs) Hey, you must be Bobby.
How'd you know? Well (Inhales) I just kinda walked in the room and it hit me.
Good gorgonzola! Unh! I win again! I'm on fire! Well, not yet, but if somebody lit a match around you boom! Can I use your phone? I have to call my mom.
Sure thing, you know what? Outside, Bobby.
Outside we get really good reception.
Are you kidding me? Whoa! (Coughs) I have to tell Bobby he stinks.
Honey, you can't just come right out and tell him the truth, you're gonna hurt his feelings, all right? But you said to always tell the truth.
I know I said that, but in this case, either his mom, his dad, or, more than likely, a doctor needs to tell him.
He's off the phone! My dad says you should hear this from a doctor, so, Dr.
monkey chunks thinks you're smelly.
What? - A super stink - O.
I don't wanna play with you anymore you're mean.
We're still friends! Dr.
monkey chunks just went a different way.
I will grade you right here in this hallway, if I must.
What do I care? No, Kevin! You're gonna get us fired.
David, I have to make this quick! You have a spa appointment two o'clock, today, you're getting everything But face Exfoliation.
Kevin just called me "butt face.
" David, your house smells so bad, I almost don't wanna eat your food.
I said "almost.
" That would be the lingering stink of Bobby.
Spelled with a "b-o.
" B-b-y.
Well, he's never coming back.
I offered him the cookies from snack time, but he still won't talk to me.
Oh, sweetheart, you'll make other, more hygienic friends.
Hey, what's up? Well, I got an "f" on my Spanish test today.
Oh! News flash dad.
It's not pronounced "kwess-a-della.
" Tracey is making me stupider.
You gotta get rid of her.
Well, then why you still wearing those skinny jeans? Because I can't get 'Em off! All right, well, you take care of your pants, and I'll take care of Tracey, okay? Sorry, I'm late, worst day ever! - Uh - Oh, there's a lot of ammo on this island! Which one will you choose? Which one will you choose? Listen, Tracey, we have to talk, okay? One day, my coffee shop has an icy drink that I love, and then the next day, they change out the two percent milk for fat-free milk because they decided to go a different way! Sorry, it's just, if one more bad thing happens to me, I swear I am going to lose it! Hold that thought.
Sorry, David.
What was it that you wanted to talk to me about? Tracey, we're having dinner, we'd like to invite you.
We're having fajitas.
Ugh! David, I'm a girl.
So it's "fa-she-tas.
" Dad, isn't there something that you wanted to tell Tracey? Yes, yes, there is, I Are you done with the ketchup? - Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey! Hey, hey, look who it is! It's my beautiful wife, the star of all the days.
Uh-oh - you know Honey I was actually just telling Tracey here that she should resume her acting career, full-time.
Really? - Really? - Yes, absolutely.
You have a gift, Tracey.
You need to share it with the world! As a matter of fact, my wife, the star of all the days, has a part in her show that would be perfect for you! - Really? - Oh, wow! This is so great! It's almost hard to believe! Yes, it's very hard to believe.
(Forced laughter) But what I do know for sure is you are wasting your talents as a tutor, honey.
(Laughs) I can't believe this is happening! Neither can I! All right.
Welcome to all the days, sweetie.
This is a dream come true! All right, places please! Wow, Amy, I seriously can't tell you how grateful I am.
I feel like I've been given a fresh start.
And, action! What? No countdown? How am I supposed to be prepared with no warning? I am an actor, not a trained dog! Yeah, I wasn't quite ready either.
Fine, in 3, 2, and action! Go ahead, search my locker.
What do I care? There's a lot of jewels in there for a high school girl.
Jealous? - It's David! - Do not speak.
Really, Kevin? The silent treatment? I get it, you're mad at me, that's why you called me "butt face.
" Look, Kevin, whatever I did, I will make it up to you, okay? We'll grab a burger, we'll spend some quality time together, how's that? Still nothing? Alright fine, forget it.
Who's being a butt face now? Dad, it's a date.
He'll call you later.
Thank you, I owe you big time.
Cut! That's it.
Girl extra in the sweater and curly-haired guy, get off my stage! -Yes! Will I still get a full day's pay? You know what? Never mind.
And action.
Oh, hey, Bobby.
How you doing? It's okay, daddy.
Bobby and I are friends again.
I don't stink anymore! Oh! Oh great.
All thanks to me.
I guess telling the truth works out after all.
Huh.
Weird.
Daddy, can we play pretzel? Oh, yeah, absolutely, I'll get it.
Here you go.
Hey, you found my lucky socks! You're under arrest, Sasha desario.
So grab your bedazzled backpack and your rubber band bracelets and come with me.
Cut! These lines are all wrong.
What's wrong with them? They should be my lines.
My character should be making the arrest.
There is only one real detective in this show, me! Me, me, me, me, me! (Dialing phone number) David, good, you're here.
Tracey has lost her mind.
Please, no sudden moves.
Mustard makes Santiago queasy.
Get away from my dressing room.
I've got spicy brown mustard, and I swear I'll use it.
David, you've got to do something.
All right, I got this.
Marcus, you gotta do something.
- No, I don't.
- Come on, how do you handle an out-of-control actor on a set? Well, what works for me is to repeat back to them whatever they said, in an agreeable manner.
That'll never work.
You're right.
That'll never work.
Wait, not so fast, it just might.
Maybe you should tell her the truth.
It worked out for me and Bobby.
That'll never work.
You're right, that'll never work.
Wait, not so fast, it just might.
Tracey, I'm coming in.
Put down the mustard, and let Santiago go.
Not until my demands are met.
I want all of his lines in the script, and a bigger badge.
Please help me.
The mustard seed is Santiago's only weakness.
If you squeeze that bottle, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
Fine.
You are loco en LA cabeza.
I am an aquarius.
What are you doing? What's wrong with you? This is the reason you got fired from see dad run.
What happened to "Marcus went a different way?" I made him fire you because you act like this.
You fired me? Yes! If I was using my head, I should have told you the truth back then, and maybe you'd have saved your job.
I know you wouldn't understand, David, but When I get in front of that camera, suddenly everything becomes about me.
Well, I get it.
But the trick is, you have to keep the "me, me, me" inside.
You hear the "me, me, me" too? I'm hearing it right now.
I'm really sorry, David.
Don't apologize to me.
Apologize to them.
That'll never work.
You're right, that'll never work.
Wait, not so fast, it just might.
Will you go with me? Yes, absolutely.
I mean, I'm not going to let anything bad happen to my first TV daughter.
Thanks.
Hey, and if things don't work out, I could always go back to tutoring Spanish.
Let's talk about that over a kwess-a-della.
(Phone rings) Both: The radius - of what? - Of a circle.
Hello? Uh, no, sorry, there's nobody by the name of Gerry here.
David, I'll take care of that.
Just - What Oh.