Victorious s03e12 Episode Script

There's been a burglary! They could still be here.
Bananas! Check the room.
Under desk.
.
Clear.
Closet.
.
Clear.
Middle of the room.
.
This area from here to like right around here.
.
This whole section I'm indicating with my hand gestures.
.
Clear.
Tawny, you're holding your banana backwards.
Are you sure? Because it's my understanding that the ba.
.
I told the Chief they shouldn't put idiots on The Blonde Squad.
Look.
.
There's McKulsky's bird.
Hey bird.
.
Who cracked that safe? Talk.
Cat.
.
Cat.
You have the next line.
No, the bird does.
No.
.
No, we put the bird's line in later.
Oh, okay, I'll wait.
And cut.
How is it that I'm playing the dumb girl? Aw.
.
Who's a pretty bird? Yes, who's a pretty.
.
- Don't touch him! - Oh! Was that necessary? You know the rules! You can borrow my Grandma's bird to be in your little student movie, but nobody's allowed to touch him.
I know, but.
.
Hey! - I was just.
.
- I say hey! My wig is hurting my head.
Here, I'll fix it.
Why can't I just.
.
Who's the wig-master on this film? - You are.
You are.
- Robbie is.
That's right.
And only the wig-master touches the wigs.
Well, fix hers.
.
Wig-master.
Well! It's almost five o'clock.
Come on, Larry.
What are we doing? I told you.
.
Larry has to get some fresh air outside every hour.
Come on Larry, fly to my finger.
Aw no, you missed my finger! Larry, Larry stay there! I'm coming, son! I guess that's a wrap for the day.
Oh, hey, you guys wanna go grab some Sushi at Nozu? Yay.
I don't want to but I will.
Oh, remember, we have to let Robbie take our wigs off.
Or.
.
We could go to Nozu in our wigs.
Why? Because.
.
Haven't you ever wondered what it's like to be a blonde? No.
I've wondered that.
I've also wondered why lemonade is a drink and first aid is for the injured.
Like, what if a thirsty person gets injured? Do you give him first aid first, and then lemonade? Or lemonade first and then second aid? Lemonade.
He-he-he.
- So Sushi? - Let's go.
Here I am once again.
Feeling lost but now and then.
I breathe it in to let it go.
And you don't know where you are now.
And what it will come to if only somebody could hear.
When you figure out how.
You're lost in the moment.
You disappear.
You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action.
You'll never gonna fade.
You'll be the main attraction.
Not a fantasy.
Just remember me.
When it turns out right.
Because you know that if you live in your imagination.
Tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination.
In my victory.
Just remember me.
When I make it shine.
This is so cool! We're blondes! Woo! We're like princesses.
Can you be the Princess who gets poisoned? Why are you so excited to be blonde? Because guys love blonde girls, especially with blue eyes.
You watch.
Tonight we're gonna get extra special treatment.
My brother gets special treatment.
From special Doctors.
It's court ordered.
Here's some water.
Heh? Heh? - What? - He just gave us water.
Do you see what blonde girls get? Free stuff.
Cha-ching! Yay-uh.
Oh, it's a magical night.
You have to go to the bathroom? No.
Oh.
I do.
Back in a boo! Hi.
Hey.
Oh, hi.
What's going on? Nothing.
I'm just.
.
Going to the bathroom.
I mean, not right this second.
.
What? You're just really pretty.
Oh.
Ha.
Um, sorry.
.
I probably shouldn't have said that.
No, it's okay.
.
I love compliments.
Well, you wanna sit down with me.
.
Maybe talk a little bit? Um.
.
I dunno if I should.
Okay! Wait, don't you wanna go hit the bathroom first? No, you seem way more fun than a bathroom.
Hey, Cat just sat down with some guy.
Huh? See what blonde hair does for a girl? Ugh! Excuse me.
.
Hi.
.
Well, hi there.
Can I borrow your soy sauce? Oh.
He wants to borrow our soy sauce.
Wow? What's your name, cute thing? Reese.
Well, Reese.
.
- If you wanna hang with us blondes.
.
- My God.
Listen, you don't have to pretend that you wanna borrow our.
.
Reese.
.
Dad, I was just.
.
I told ya to get some dang soy sauce! I asked this girl for it but she.
.
Are you gonna lend us your dang soy sauce or what? Sure, here.
.
Oh, it's low-sodium.
What are you, a Doctor? - What's the matter with you? - Dad, I tried.
.
- Hi.
- Shh.
I'm trying to catch my Grandma's bird, Larry.
How? Well, I put some special bird seed in his cage, and turned out all the lights.
Soon as I hear him munching on that seed, I'm gonna go in there, slam that cage, and then I'll get my life back to normal.
What do you mean? Well, every night, when my Grandma goes to bed, she talks to the bird.
Sure.
Since he wasn't there last night, she made me crawl under her bed and.
.
Do the bird's voice.
What kinda things does your Grandma say to the bird? Stuff like uh.
.
Larry? Are ya there, Larry? So then I had to go.
.
Yes, Grandma.
Larry loves you, Grandma.
The.
.
The bird calls your Grandma "Grandma"? Mmm-hmm.
So you and the bird are cousins? I guess.
Shh! Shh, listen.
.
The bird! And he's munching that seed.
Let's get him.
When I shut the cage, you turn on the lights.
Got it.
Lights! This is a good blend.
Hey, Tori Here.
.
What are.
.
Is that a pair of my underwear?! Yeah.
My allergies have been so bad today.
What?! Tissues make my nose red and sore.
These are so soft.
You've been blowing your nose in my underwear?! Yeah, they're like a giant soft hanky.
Giant?!?!? Well, if it isn't the Vega girls.
Gross.
You're in a good mood.
Yep.
.
Because I finished the song I've been writing.
Aw, is it another song about worms? Not this time.
Hate this guy.
This song's about a girl.
Ugh, Robbie.
.
I've told you, I'm not interested in you.
Hey, I didn't mean you.
.
Listen.
Ya know when sometimes girls say, "I just like you as a friend"? - Yeah.
- I don't even like you that way.
Free hugs! Who wants a free hug! I'm hugging you! Ah.
.
Oh.
Wow.
Someone's a happy Cat.
Yeah, me! Wait, is this because of that guy you met last night? Uh-huh.
Oh.
You.
.
You met a fella? Yeah.
His name is Evan.
Oh, and I invited him here tonight to watch Beck's movie.
Oh yeah, the screening's tonight.
I hear the movie came out pretty good.
I was the wig-master.
So what'd Evan do when you told him your blonde hair was really a wig? What? I say.
.
What'd Evan do when you told him your blonde hair was really a wig? That did not come up.
You never told him you were wearing one of my wigs? I guess not.
Or blue contacts? Also did not come up.
So, you spent like five hours with this guy and he still doesn't know what you really look like? No.
Oh my God! What if he hates red-headed girls with brown eyes? Don't worry, he won't.
Are you crying? Yeah, I can't help it.
.
I cry when I'm scared.
What is this? Underwear.
They're so big! You know what?! Hello.
What do you want? You're the one who sat down here.
Yeah, lucky you.
I'm so upset! Did you try to play pirates with her? No.
Cat's bugging because she and that guy Evan really hit it off last night, but he thinks that she has blonde hair and blue eyes.
You never told him you were wearing a wig?! I forgot! What if he hates red-headed girls? He won't.
You're being silly.
What's this boy's name? Evan.
I forget his last name.
It rhymes with snith.
Uh, could it be Smith? That's it! God, it's been killing me.
Where's he go to school? Briarwood.
When he sees how I really look he's gonna be disappointed and then.
.
That does it! Catarina Valentine, I will not sit here any more and listen to you talk bad about yourself! You're adorable.
Any guy would be lucky as cheese to go out with you.
Thanks Robbie, that's really sweet, but you don't know how guys think.
Wh.
.
H.
.
How can.
.
Good day! - Cheese is lucky? - Yes! Jade, tell Cat that when this boy sees her pretty red hair tonight, he's gonna like her even more.
Ah, can't do that.
Why not? Because I'm looking at Evan's Splashface page and.
.
Scrolling through pics of his ex-girlfriends.
.
Blonde, blonde, blonde.
.
Whoa, ugly blonde.
Uh, blonde, oh, and his blue-eyed dog with blonde fur.
I'm thinking Evan goes for blondes.
Oh, that doesn't mean anything.
What are his likes and dislikes? Uh, likes.
.
"Sushi, video games, girls with blonde hair and blue eyes".
Oh! Dislikes? "People who pretend to be something they're not".
Oh no.
Can I have your underwear again? Thank you for coming to see my semester project.
.
A funny, short film called "The Blonde Squad".
.
Yay! All right, Beck! We love you, Beck! - Northridge right? - Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Anyway.
.
Hang out, get some popcorn, we're gonna start.
.
Sinjin, please stop eating bird seed.
Don't you think I would if I could? - All right.
Uh.
.
- Real quick, real quick.
I'm sure most of you have heard by now, I'm looking for a bird.
.
Name-a Larry.
If ya happen to see him, please alert me by saying something like uh.
.
"Hey Andre.
.
There's your bird".
Thanks.
Thanks for that.
You seen Cat's boy-toy yet? - Right over there.
- Oh, so she's meeting him here? Yup.
And I guarantee you, when he sees what she really looks like he's gonna be even more psyched.
.
Whoa whoa.
.
- Hi.
- Uh.
.
No.
Oh Cat.
What's going on? Oh.
.
Hey.
Did you do that to Cat's head?! - I couldn't talk her out of it! - You helped her? Do you see this belt? I am a wig-master.
Oh.
Helping people with their wig needs is my duty.
Oh.
Here, sniff it.
Ha ha ha.
.
Ha! There's been a burglary.
They could still be here.
Bananas! Check the room.
Under desk.
.
Clear.
Closet.
.
Clear.
Middle of the room.
.
This area from here to like right around here.
.
This whole section that I'm indicating with these hand gestures.
.
Clear.
Tawny, you're holding your banana backwards.
Are you sure? Because it's my understanding that.
.
Larry! Oh my word! Stop the film! Stop the film! Whoa.
Cat, don't move! I gotta go freshen up.
No, no, Cousin Larry! Our Grandma needs ya'! Andre! Cat.
.
Cat.
.
Cat.
Larry! Larry! Please, fix it, Robbie.
Fix my wig! Okay.
No! This ends now.
Tori.
.
Cat.
You are a beautiful girl, with a beautiful personality.
Any guy would be insanely lucky to go out with you.
Lucky as cheese.
Please.
.
Just tell Evan the truth.
Show him the real you.
.
And I promise.
.
He'll think you're amazing.
You're sure he'll still like me? Hundred percent.
Come with me.
I don't know about this.
.
It's okay.
But I don't like controversy.
I know.
I know.
Excuse me.
.
Have you seen a blonde girl, she's.
.
Cat.
Yeah.
She'll be back in a sec.
Is she all right? Yeah, she's.
.
She just gets weird when birds eat from her hair.
Larry! Larry! Eat from my finger! Larry! Why don't you wait here, for Cat? She's really sweet, and.
.
Pretty and.
.
Deserving of being accepted for who she is.
Huh? Just wait here.
Hi.
Cat? I guess.
Is that you? - But.
.
- It was a blonde wig.
And the blue eyes were fake.
It was for Beck's movie.
This is me.
Well.
.
You're beautiful.
I am? Totally.
But I'm really into blondes.
Later.
Squawk.
Larry loves Grandma.
Larry.
.
I got the wig on and it's full a bird seed! Come eat from my wig! Aw Cat.
.
I feel like I've done something terrible to you.
Yeah.
You hate me now? No.
I just want something bad to happen to you.
Not like really bad.
Just.
.
Something to ruin your weekend.
I'll try.
I'd appreciate it.
Can I just be alone now? Okay.
Hug? No.
Hey.
Hi.
I think that Evan guy is really dumb for not seeing how great you are.
You wanna hear the new song I've been working on? I don't know if I'm in the mood to listen.
.
Please? Okay.
I think you're swell.
.
I think you're swell.
.
You're the nugget in my chicken.
The peanuts in my butter.
Adding fiber to our diets beneficial for each other.
You're a piece of dental floss, and I am the teeth.
You're Aretha Franklin, I'm R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
I love you like a Cops Marathon on TV.
I love you more than the original Star Wars trilogy.
You're a guitar, and I'm the strings.
Like a jet-ski in the water.
You're New York, I'm the buildings.
You're my Mother.
I'm your father.
And I think you're swell.
.
And every day when you're walking down the street.
Is like every other day because you're constantly walking down the street.
And every day.
I'm only thinking about you.
And a bunch of other important things, but primarily you.
And that's true because I think you're swell I think you're swell.
.
I'll be the Jagger to your Richards.
The Captain Kirk to your Picard.
If you're a molten lava room, I'll be the one inept guard.
We go together like pastrami on rye.
Like watching Titanic and trying not to cry.
We go together like a parade to confetti.
And later if you're hungry I'll make you some spaghetti.
Would there be meatballs? There would.
And I think you're swell.
.
I think you're swell.
.
And I think you're swell.
.
Hey.
.
What if I just dye my hair blonde?