Batman (1966) s03e13 Episode Script

NARRATOR".
Nothing has changed with the weather in the great metropolis of Londinium.
It's still clear as glass.
But at least the Dynamic Duo are out of the fog in the winch room.
And the mist seems to have missed the Batmobile.
Thank heavens, Robin.
I despaired of ever seeing you again.
The despair was mutual, Alfred.
I think we better get out to Ffogg Place and see what's happened to Batgirl.
- Batgirl? -Yes.
Alfred heard that she discovered a super-secret Cricket Pavilion which just might contain the solution to this entire mystery.
She has and it does.
You two seem to know a lot more about Batgirl than I do.
She's in the dungeon at Ffogg Place beneath the gallery off the super-secret Cricket Pavilion.
I would be too if Lord Ffogg hadn't wanted me to wind up in the winch room.
- We better get there on the double.
-If I may, sir, my cab.
- Your cab? -I borrowed one from my cousin Cuthbert to get around a bit, you know? It's parked in the dock area.
Yes, of course, I remember.
Better still, Robin, you drive the Batmobile.
Let us off at Alfred's cab, go straight to Ffogg Place, and we'll follow.
You bet, Batman.
If we disassemble, maybe we can catch the whole gang off guard.
And don't forget to drive on the left, not the right.
I won't, Batman.
I learned that when we got our international driver's licenses.
Good.
Batman.
NARRATOR".
Meanwhile in the dungeon at Ffogg Place Batgirl seems to have survived Lord Ffogg's paralyzing gas.
But what next? So young, so pretty, such joie de vivre.
Yes, Marmaduke.
It seems a pity that we have to dispose of her, doesn't it? But dispose of her we must.
With Batman and Robin fogbound in the Tower Bridge we can now plan our crowning theft.
- The Crown Jewels.
-The Crown Jewels? - She heard you, Marmaduke.
-It matters little, sister dear.
Somehow Batman has managed to regain his memory.
But death will prevent Batgirl from regaining hers when I toss these lethal fog pellets from the steps.
- Toodle-oo.
-And chin-chin.
NARRATOR".
And soon, hard by the gates of Ffogg Place What's that? The blooming Boy Wonder climbed over the main gates? Hold your places.
I'll handle this.
Did you hear that, Penelope? Robin is on the grounds someplace.
We must act covertly to trap him.
Well, why don't we have Lady Prudence act covertly? Lady Prudence.
Splendid, my dear, splendid.
Smashing, Robin.
You've tripped the wire leading to His Lordship's beehive.
And released an African death bee.
The queen, in fact.
She's landing on your hand, Robin.
Don't lose your cool.
Tempted, sir? Sorely, Alfred.
By opening this suitcase, I might learn Batgirl's true identity.
And thus destroy the anonymity so precious to her.
As yours is to you, sir.
I know, Alfred.
You go back to the city while I infiltrate Ffogg Place and try to find her and Robin.
Alert Commissioner Gordon and venerable Ireland Yard as to my whereabouts.
Tell them I'll be in touch if I need help.
Cheerio.
She won't leave.
She may.
But once a death bee lands, she usually stays a while.
Or she may sting you, Robin, and you'll die.
All the other girls are out of their skin over you.
I can see why, Robin.
I can see why.
What? Not dead yet? No, Lord Ffogg, far from it.
My lethal fog pellets must be stale.
They're losing their strength.
Well, I had the girls make up a fresh batch in chemistry class, Marmaduke.
And I hid them amongst the Duchess of Desborough's diamonds to be handy.
Let's get them.
But, Marmaduke, hadn't we better hurry? What with Robin out on the lawn and Batman coming up the drive.
When the death bee stings Boy Wonder, he'll be out the lawn forever.
Then Digby, Scudder and Basil can handle Batman.
Well, they didn't before.
Since that little incident, I've given them a severe talking to.
What? Batman got away from the terrace? He's coming here to the Cricket Pavilion? Basil, you are discharged.
We had better hurry, Penelope.
- Unh.
- Come here, Penelope.
- Batgirl.
-No, Batman, don't come down here.
Look out behind you.
Lord Ffogg.
Quick, the pellets, my dear.
I will close and bolt the door to the dungeon.
What a triumph.
A double triumph.
And the grooviest thing happened, governor.
What happened? - The bee stung Robin.
-Ah! Well, you better take him up to the girls' dormitory and let him perish there.
And round up the rest of the pupils.
We're off to the Tower of Londinium and the Crown Jewels.
Why don't I perish here? It's closer.
NARRATOR".
Courage, Robin.
Seconds away, Alfred is forcing the gates of Ffogg Place with an unusual show of strength.
What's this? Another troubled visitor in venerable Ireland Yard? I'm sorry to bother you here in venerable Ireland Yard, commissioner.
Oh, no bother, Mrs.
Cooper.
I'm glad you found me.
I'm sure Bruce and Dick are someplace in Londinium but I haven't been able to locate them.
I'm on my way home from my North Cape cruise and I hoped to surprise them.
Well, Bruce has been tied up on Wayne Foundation business since his arrival and young Mr.
Dick, I believe, is doing some research at the various museums.
And we have various, various museums, Mrs.
Cooper.
- Ha-ha-ha.
-Yes, ha, ha.
Well, I thank you both for your time.
It's been a pleasure.
- Oh, commissioner.
-Yes, ma'am? If you hear from either of them will you please tell them that I'll be at the Londinium House for another day or so? -Of course.
It's nice meeting you.
Oh, the pleasure's been all mine.
- Thank you again.
Goodbye.
-Goodbye.
Ha, ha.
Yeah, delightful lady.
NARRATOR".
While back in the dungeon That Anti-Lethal-Fog Batspray is working, Batman.
Yes, I always carry some in my utility belt along with a Bat-file.
Now to get to work on those chains.
NARRATOR".
As in the pretty student bodies' dormitory You're not dying, Robin.
I was down to my last African death bee antidote pill but I popped it in my mouth and I'm fine.
- Groovy.
-You're right, Duchess.
Man, I'm ape about you, Robin.
Oh, you're duping my mind.
I'm launched.
Were you ape and launched when you waylaid me on that dock shanghaied me and brought me back here when you knew I was being tied to a winch in Tower Bridge? Merely scholastic exercises, Boy Wonder.
Holy homework.
I'm getting out of here.
Your daughter, commissioner? No, she's not here.
She left earlier this afternoon.
Left? For where? I don't know.
We were out.
That's very unlike Barbara, not getting in touch with me.
I'm coming over there at once.
Oh, certainly, commissioner.
He's coming out here at once, Marmaduke.
At once? With Londinium traffic the way it is in the late afternoon it will be an hour at least.
I don't see why the girls are not-- It was your idea, my sweet.
Yes, but that was before we decided to fog in on the Crown Jewels.
Tell the girls to bury Robin where the aftergrass lawn is thickest.
No one will ever find Batman and Batgirl in that dungeon and we're home free as soon as we get the Crown Jewels.
I have a strange feeling that the authorities are beginning to get suspicious of us, Marmaduke.
Getting suspicious of us is one thing, getting us is another.
Our private plane is being refueled right now.
And Argentuela has no extradition treaty with this country.
Argentuela.
Oh, Marmaduke, I've always wanted to go to the Southern Hemisphere.
I'll alert the household staff.
- You sacked the household staff.
-I rehired them.
They're doctoring their bruises.
- What is it, Lady Prudence? -Robin got away, governor.
He jumped out of the window of the girls' dormitory.
- Dead? -Dead? He wasn't dead.
He's took some sort of bee-sting pill.
Isn't that the most? To the Tower of Londinium at once.
Just as I suspected, the dungeon door is made of solid oak.
I can't break through it.
If we could only reach that grating up there.
Your Batarang? I left it in the Batmobile.
If we only had a length of rope.
Here's some rope, Batman.
But how can you get it to the grating without your Batarang? By using the old Indian rope trick.
I mastered it years ago.
How can I help? By standing directly under that grating and concentrating on the Indian fakir command.
Hindi for "rope stay straight.
" Master Robin, I just heard you were dead.
You heard wrong.
Uh, wrongly.
I gotta get a message to Commissioner Gordon at venerable Ireland Yard.
Just what I was attempting to do.
Lord Ffogg is planning to steal the Crown Jewels from the Tower of Londinium.
And Batman and Batgirl are both in the Ffogg Place dungeon.
I'll get back there.
You get on the Batmobile's Batphone.
Good.
NARRATOR".
But Lord Ffogg and his evil entourage of Londinium ladies are already on their way to the Tower of Londinium and the Crown Jewels.
It worked.
Yes, there's more to old Indian fakir tricks than one might suspect.
And concentration magnified by the power of yoga? Yes, yes, that's enough talking, Batgirl.
Up you go.
This rope may have saved our lives.
Batman, Batgirl, how did you get out of that dungeon? Holy levitation.
- The rope's doing it again.
-Yes, I better reverse the incantation.
Can you conjure up something to get us to the tower before Lord Ffogg and Lady Peasoup? They've left to steal the Crown Jewels.
I certainly hope so, Robin.
And so at the famed Tower of Londinium.
.
.
otherwise known as the Bloody Tower where two Beefeaters and a busbied sentry guard the glass case containing the Crown Jewels.
A, ha! Here we are, girls, the Crown Jewels.
Aren't they magnificent? Look at the Star of Africa diamond in the royal scepter.
Isn't it smashing? Well, I'm out of my skin over the Sovereign's Golden Orb.
I'm sorry, but it's past closing.
Past closing? To me, Lord Ffogg of Ffoggshire? I'll take that halberd.
But not the Crown Jewels, Lord Ffogg.
Batman and Robin? How did you get here? It took a holy incantation.
Basil, Digby, Scudder! - Oh, we're here, governor.
-Johnny-on-the-spot.
Jolly good timing, what.
Hey- I think we better split, Lady Peasoup.
Indeed, Prudence.
Batgirl.
"Batgirl? "Batgirl? My Pipe of Fog Bat-reverser, Your Lordship.
You'll not catch us flat-footed again.
Well, this is a jolly little beanfest.
Take His Lordship, Her Ladyship and these girlships to the tombs.
But who's going to look after our aftergrass, Marmaduke? Quite so, quite so.
I wish I had time to explain, Robin.
I've been very naughty.
I thought if I could play all sides against each other, I would come out on top and be Her Ladyship of Ffogg Place alone.
But it didn't work.
No, Lady Prudence, it didn't.
But cheerio.
Well, I think this calls for a cup of char at venerable Ireland Yard.
Char? Yes, Robin, a colloquialism for tea.
I think a cup of char would be most welcome, sir.
It will be our first in Londinium, as a matter of fact.
Will you join us, Batgirl? Hm.
She's gone.
Batgirl? I just passed her outside in the fog.
She was on her Batgirl Cycle.
Where have you been? I've been so worried.
And what are you doing in this Bloody Tower? Bloody Tower is right, Daddy.
I'll explain later, or at least I'll try to.
But look, the Crown Jewels.
Right where they belong, my dear.
Thanks to Batman and Robin.
Pip-pip, chin-chin and toodle-oo.
Yes, sir, we all know how important international relations are and I'm glad we were able to help in our small way.
Uh, how's your grandson? Heh.
He is? Extraordinary.
Ha-ha-ha.
He is? Incredible.
He is? Amazing.
One second, sir.
He's right here.
This is Batman, sir.
A weekend in Texas, sir? With a barbecue, sir? And bring the Batmobile, sir? That's a great honor, sir, but, uh I wonder, could Robin and I take a rain check, sir sometime around Easter? Oh, of course, sir.
I'm sorry, I completely forgot.
Yes, that's convention time.
Mm-hm.
But thank you for calling, sir.
How could you turn down an invitation like that, Batman? Oh, I'm sure he has plenty of problems right now without trying to entertain average citizens such as Robin and I.
No, we'll just hole up here in Gotham City.
Yes, Bonnie.
I'm sorry to bother you, commissioner but some very feline character just breezed in here.
Hold it, Bonnie.
Say that again, will you, please? Some very feline character just breezed in here and stole all the policewomen 's new mini-uniforms you were to approve.
Some feline character? Could it be Catwoman back again? Let's take a look.
The Caped Crusaders will try to head her off, Bonnie.
Just one minute, Catwoman.
The nerve of her, invading police headquarters.
Yes, Robin.
Gotham City may be in for some cataclysmic catastrophes.
NARRATOR".
And how right Batman is.
How catastrophic are the days and nights to come as you will see in the next episode.