Being Erica (2009) s03e13 Episode Script
Fa La Erica
I do not remember telling Ivan to make a gingerbread house.
You didn't, 'cos I made it.
Uhm Erica, you know that I love you, But your lattes taste like day-old battery acid Food isn't just you forté So, we'll just pretend this maybe Tastes like Christmas and Rudolph and gingerbread latte exploting in my mouth all at once.
You'll be nicer now? I'm so sorry, chicken.
This time of year brings out my mother in me.
Now, the 50-50 Press Holiday Soirée is way inclusive So, for our guests observing Kwanzaa, we have a Unity Cup, and a Mkeka.
How cool.
And next, for you and yours peeps, Erica, A Menorah! Technically it's a Chanukkiyah but thank you very much, it's a very sweet gesture.
Is not just a gesture, Hanukkah is a major holiday Actually, Yom Kippur is major, Rosh HashanahRosh Hashanah is major, but Hanukkah, not so major.
Ho-ho-ho my dear tinsel ladies Jolly Ole' Saint Ivan is in the House.
You look amazing! He knows, He's been staring in the mirror for three hours.
David's troll is gorgeous, this party is gonna rock.
- Jingle Bell Rock - Well it better, 'cos I'm keeping a list and I'm checking it twice, and if anything that is on here is not out there, I'm gonna be grabbing two lumps of coal down your bear cage chimney Make sure to answer with a Hello-ho-ho Hello-ho-ho Erica? Hey, dad! When are you gonna be here? We'll hold off lighting the candles Ahm.
.
No wait, I have the Didn't mum tell you? No, your mother didn't tell me.
No, Lenin, just just one for the first night.
Oh Sorry First hanukkah You're not gonna be here for the first night of hanukkah You know is a family tradition, Erica.
I know dad, but I have work party, so why don't I come to your place some other night.
Dad.
Don't let me feel bad.
I'm sorry.
Is Okay, honey.
Go and enjoy your party.
Ok.
Well, I'll swing by tomorrow.
Chag Sameach Happy Hanukkah to you too - Ho Ho Ho - Hey Wow.
Look at this place.
You don´t need more decorations.
I'll take those.
Ok this is not holly, this is cedar.
I'm aware Julianne, but they ran out of Holly.
I apologise.
Thank You, I think.
Julianne isn't full on trust mode.
Julianne has never been on the road and the shops Stores, I mean is just other day of the year.
No no no no.
.
no holiday squidgy grinch talk, mister I am determined to make this a good Christmas for you.
Erica.
You have enough on your plate already You know, this work shindig tonight and family commitments Don't add me to your list of obligations.
Oh well, you're number one on it, so I know that the holidays, they make you sad and I don't want you to be.
Just wanna make you happy.
Starting with Okay, that's a good start.
Being Erica 3x13 - Fa La Erica- Sincr.
by Alice Say "minced meat".
You're going tubing on Christmas Day? If Santa over there can get over his acrophobia, yeah But if not, we'll just go cross-country skiing like always.
With all of your parents? That's.
.
it is so cute They kind of live for it, it's pretty adorable.
Ok, I live for Christmas too, inside, where it's warm.
with my mum's homemade Christmas clothes, loads of presents and carols and crackers and all the other Giacomelli traditions.
You have everything but "chestnuts roasting on an open fire".
No no no, we usually have those too! and Adam, what you got any special Christmas tradition you gonna share with Erica this year? My family likes to get drunk and pass out on the Christmas pudding I can.
Rum and eggnog anyone? No? yeah either this stuff tastes like leather or did I put a size six Nunavut boot right of my mouth.
No, you know, it's not you Adam, he just has bag full of memories about the holidays.
I'm so sorry I didn't mean to drudge up the ghost of Christmas past day No I know, I just I don't know what to do for him.
You know, I've seen all the Christmas movies and I think I know what it's supposed to be like and this is gonna sound cheesy but I just I want that for him.
Erica I I think that's beautiful.
Are you crying? Ok yes, 'cos I'm a sap and I just love this time of year, brings up the best in people and I have to say when it comes to perfect Christmases, I'm kind of an expert.
Well, good then because I'm not! Maybe you can help me, You can be like my Christmas coach Oh!, I'd love to! So, it starts with the present.
you have to pick something that is very important to both of you.
Jules! Oh my God.
This is a great party.
Thanks! We have cider, we have cocoa and if you want something more alcoholic, we have rum and eggnog No thanks I'm just gonna get a cider, you want one? No, I'm Ok.
Judith.
I'm gonna catch up with you in just a bit - Ok - Hello another when you get a chance.
That doesn't look like a rum and eggnog No, that's because it's an Irish car bomb Just doing my bit to help the Irish economy Well, I got you a Christmas present.
Erica No I know you said no, but look, it's very small.
A door.
- Get it? From therapy - Get it.
I stole it from the gingerbread house.
I hope no one notices.
Thank you.
Great, next step? Picture with Santa.
Erica.
The door is great, but really I'm not I'm not up for this Christmas stuff.
Aw, c'mon.
One picture to remember tonight by.
Just you and me and Jolly Ole' Saint Nick! Come young lady and sit on Santa's lap.
You too, young man! Everybody say "Gouda" on three.
One Two Three.
Gouda! Alright.
.
Oh.
wait.
.
Adam Let's try it again, this time think like sugarplum fairies It's alright man! Sorry.
Adam.
Adam.
You're not gonna have fun if you don't even try I told you, Christmas is just not my thing.
I know, I'm just trying to make you happy I know that this time of year is hard for you because of your family Erica, I didn't ask to make this time of year fun because there's no way it can be, Ok? I'm sorry.
I just need some air.
Excuse me.
Adam.
Adam wait.
Happy Holidays, Erica.
Would you mind handing me that silver bell? Look I hope you didn't call me in here to help you decorate your Christmas tree because I'm not really an expert.
Well, then perhaps you wouldn't mind assisting me with this.
Why do you have a Chanukkiyah? Traditions all over the world celebrate the winter holiday.
So I choose to observe them all.
- You must be really busy right now - You have no idea Would you do me the honour of lighting the first candle? This is the first night of Hanukkah, after all For eight days, they celebrated.
One Maccabees.
Did the Maccabees have any advice about how to patch things up with Adam? What happened? Well, is just, you know, Christmas is a difficult time of year for him.
You know his family.
And I just hope that I can reboot the holidays for him this year.
Because you feel he's been missing out.
well of course he has He never had a Christmas tree growing up, no presents, no stockings and I know he's not a child anymore.
but What? Being jewish this time of year especially when you are a kid, is really hard everywhere there's these crazy, shiny amazing parties and you're not invited.
So it must be doubly hard if you are invited to the party, but nobody cares enough to throw the party for you.
So if you could give Adam a real Christmas, one with lots of presents and bowls of holly and carols sung by a roaring fire, you think that would help him.
I think that would help him look at the holidays in a new light.
I think that would make him happy.
Or, you might be missing the forest for the Christmas trees.
What does that mean? Oh My God! Oh no is time to give you a Christmas *** *gasp* Sorry? You should be.
It's Only idiots and preschoolers are up.
Go back to bed.
Julianne?! This just looks like a stocking from a magazine.
what? That's because it is a stocking from a magazine.
Your real one is under the tree, remember, sleepyhead? Totally makes sense.
Two stockings! It makes sense to your mother that's all that matters, chicken.
Chicken! So Weird Want some advice, honey? Ok.
Go get dress for the big portrait before you get us both in trouble! Then we open stuff, Ok? - Oh, okay - I wouldn't mind.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas.
Cheese! Let me check and see if that went out correctly.
The flash went out, honey.
Julianney don't move! I want one more picture, just to be safe.
Oh, sorry.
The annual photo op is a deadly serious matter! just why you chose to dress as a witch this year Ok now, all together everyone.
Eyes open, and Fruitcake! Perfect! Thank you.
Now, to open presents.
And panettone, your favourite.
good, I'm starved! Wait! Don't move! Is that star crooked? It looks fine to me, honey.
It's crooked, Remo.
# O star of wonder # # star of light # # Fix the star # # or have a fight # Does that mean we're doing it again? Yes, that means we're going again.
Laugh at me now but someday you will be glad you have all these nice pictures.
Fruitcake Perfect! Do we get to open the presents now, please! What is with you today? You're acting like you're 8 years old I thought everybody was excited at Christmas Your sister loves this time of year and why is that a bad thing? I don't know.
'cos maybe she doesn't even see that she's part of this giant consumerist culture that is so hypocritical Consumerist? That's a big word.
Have you read Chusmky? Liar.
You're not even a kid and you still listen to New Kids on The Block.
Excuse me Georgy, but reading Chumsky and listening to New Kids are not "mutually exclusive" You don't even understand what I'm talking about Girls, girls, girls It's Christmas morning please stop fighting Have some panettone, some eggnog And then we will open presents You know I sent for that all the way from Italy Just for you, Julianne 'cos is your favourite.
Maybe I need to wash it down Freak.
Thank you so much everyone.
I've never opened as many gifts in my entire life.
Wait.
.
I think Santa missed something over here.
Let's see.
Oh, for Georgy.
- Who is this one? - That's from me.
Hope you like it.
"Tolerance" You brought me a rock.
Maybe you should tell your sister what were you thinking when you bought it.
Well Tolerance is a beautiful concept, especially at this time of the year.
and I need to be reminded of that because why because I'm intolerant? C'mon.
Your sister wouldn't be trying to hurt your feelings at Christmas.
Wouldn't she? Well, I'll have to agree, it isn't the most thoughtful gift.
Honey! Not helping.
I mean, it isn't quite as thoughtful as, let's say an electric grill.
Hey! Are there any other presents under here maybe? Are you calling my gift thoughless? Do you know how long I had to spend on the phone to get you one of those? Is the biggest gift of the season! Oh yeah, mum, they are great, trust me.
is like you know, like having a barbecue on your kitchen.
Oh, that's just wonderful! So I can use my gift to barbecue for all for you.
No, mum No, you know what? It's fine.
I do all the work around here, making sure your Christmases are something to remember and the big joke ends up to be on me.
And clearly, I'm the worst husband in the world! Listen.
how many times have you told me that you wish you had a grill! So I got you a grill.
I didn't want it for Christmas! Dad be careful.
You're sounding intolerant.
wouldn't want Julianne giving you one of these for Father's day Georgy hey look, I'm sorry I guess I wasn't thinking.
Give me the rock an I'll take it back to the store.
Oh no.
This is mine now.
No, Georgy.
You hate it C'mon give it to me.
No, it's useful.
I might be whacking a sister I have.
No, c'mon.
# O rest ye merry gentlemen # # let nothing you dismay # Yeah, dismay.
That about sums it up.
That's hardly in the spirit of the Season What, you didn't get enough presents? No.
I got loads, but the tension around it all was unbelievable just feels that there's way too many expectations for one morning You thought that all would be candy cane and chestnust roasting on an open fire and # Five golden rings # # Four calling birds # # Three french hens # # Two turtle doves # -Dr.
Tom - Hold on.
# And a partdridge in a pear tree.
# Go ahead.
Yes, that's what I thought, but through no fault of my own, and Julianne, she swears up and down that Christmas is just the best time of year.
Well, what do you think? Well, I'm sure not feeling the Christmas spirit that she's talking about Clearly she and Georgy hate each other 'Cos Julianne is seriously "type A" and I was feeling bad for Remo until the whole grill incident.
You know what? Adam, he may be a Grinch in Christmas, but at least he's honest about it.
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick" "even when you're home" Carol Nelson - Julianne.
- Yeah? Who is at the door? Just a Caroler.
Ooh! Merry Christmas Why thank you, Madam.
God bless us everyone.
Julianne put your coat on, we can't be late.
She's stalling 'cos she's nervous Nervous, for what? We're just going to Church not like I have to get up there and do a solo? A Solo? If i have to hear you sing "Silent Night" one more time I will barf.
Oh no no, wait I'm singing in front of like a church full of people? Seriously, have you guys heard my voice? Father Angelo says you sound terrific.
I hope so, after all the lessons we paid for.
Oh mum, dad Ok, c'mon let's go.
Parking it's gonna be a nightmare.
Julianne.
Put your coat on.
Now is the Day of Joy Let us not revenge.
Now is the Day of Good Will Let us not be cruel.
Georgy Georgy Do you know the tune of "Silent Night"? Yes! - Can you help me? - With what?? Girls! We're at church! The Lord be with you - and also with you - and also yeah with with you.
And now, dear friends, A Christmas gift for us all, The god-given voice of Julianne Giacomelli.
Julianne Go, honey! Merry Christmas What are you doing? Sorry I don't know I don't know what's wrong with me.
maybe we'll just skip next week's service and save Father Angelo the embarrasment.
I just I mean I blanked.
Pretty awful, right? Is nice to see Georgy sing Actually was pretty great thing the two of you sing together again It's been a long time Now, would anyone like a nice light lunch, nothing to spoil your dinner Let me get that, Cass.
You just sit and relax.
- Are you sure? - 'Course I'm sure with so much effort into making Christmas perfect for us, is your turn to enjoy yourself.
How does grilled cheese and salami sound? It sounds great I guess I'll rustle up some coffee and don't worry Julianne, I will make you a latte Thanks mum.
And thank you for coming to my rescue Yeah well, it was too much watching you die up there! even for me.
look about the present I got you Don't worry about it.
No, really.
I didn't get it to hurt you.
you know, that's not Julianne that's not my style I think that we're just so different, and I see you and you're all intellectual and political and I think that I kinda wanted to get you something deep and I picked the wrong thing.
Yeah, well Tolerance is a really deep message.
Yeah! it is.
It's pretty perfect, for the Season We are different But, maybe I could be more tolerant of everything that makes you you That was one crazy Christmas morning, huh? yeah! crazy! What are you talking about? That was nothing Nothing? The tree fell over! Sorry about that, again.
Dad's right.
It's like this every year.
Remember two years ago? When you killed the oven and we had to have chinese food.
Really? Or the year before that, when Nono was here, and he flooded the upstairs bathroom? That's right.
It came through the ceiling and went on the tree and wet all the presents.
Anyway Here's to another crazy Giacomelli Christmas.
hear, hear, hear Oh My God But I wanna sit on his knees! Please, please, please You know we don't celebrate Christmas I want a candy cane and a picture to show my friends! Sam we've got to get on setup the party, why don't I buy you a lollipop for the I don't want a lollipop I want a candy cane I'll be so fast! look! there's no line up.
Please! Samantha Rachel Strange! Keep your voice down.
Mum, just let her, Santa isn't even a christian icon, if anything he's pagan.
Erica, please don't cause problems for me right now I got a lot to deal with I'm just saying that you're making way too big a deal of this.
One candy cane from Santa Claus isn't gonna make Sam convert.
Just this one time, mommy.
Please let me.
Ok.
- Go! - Thank you, mommy! Pagan? When did you get so smart? Daddy! Daddy! Hey, honey! look what I got! So, you visited Santa I asked for a talking Cabbage Patch Doll and some for me and Leo.
She's that generous Thanks Sam, but I wouldn't count on Santa delivering to this house.
Leo! What are you doing? Wishing you a happy Hanukkah Okay, thanks.
You wanna let go? Leo, can you put this bags in the kitchen for me, please? 'kay mum.
Daddy? Did you know Santa has twelve reindeer, and elves to make all the presents? Really! - Barb, can we speak for a moment? - 'Course Erica, can you get the rest of the bags from the car, please? Sure.
Oh.
Okay, so ahm what's going on? Memories of Hanukkah's past Okay, you sent me back to experience Christmas so that I can learn that is not all snowflakes and reindeers and now I'm doing Hanukkah in the eighties? No, not just any Hanukkah I mean this one was particularly memorable.
I have no idea what are you talking about.
- I was like, eleven? - it'll come back to you.
Forgive me, it's just the irony of it all.
I mean, here you are, you wanted to give Adam the perfect Christmas.
Yes, and? Is funny.
The apple never falls far from the tree.
Still in the dark here! Oh, thank you, Erica.
You go off and enjoy some Hanukkah magic I promise that all will be revealed they feel left out well that's too bad, they're jewish they have to deal with it you are over-reacting am over-reacting? Where's this gonna end up, Barb? We're gonna get a Christmas tree in here, put out lights She sat on Santa's lap for a picture You know, you're blowing this out of proportion Erica did I do something bad? Oh no, no.
Don't worry about it, Ok? Everything's gonna be alright Could have fooled me hon! No.
I didn't fool you.
I'm merely stating something.
.
Hey! Anyone up for a little dreidel tonight? No thanks Uncle Joe.
Erica, if I were older, do you think George Michael would like me? I don't think you're his type, Sam.
What was that? That was a very special visitor to our house.
who we are welcoming this year.
Did that come from the roof? It did, indeed.
say hello to Judah the Lion.
Judah the lion.
- He's the reincarnation of - Judah the Macabee.
I remember this.
If you bring your wishes of the Chanukkiyah and scatter the ashes, Judah magically reassembles them and brings you presents.
Were you eavesdropping? Maybe Hold it.
Are you saying there's a lion on our roof right now, daddy? Yes, sweetie, I think so.
If we listen carefully, we might hear him.
Alright, exciting.
I'll be in my room listening to the Smiths call me when is time to eat.
Oh no.
You gotta wait, we should talk about Judah Otherwise, you might not get anything for Hanukkah.
C'mon dad, seriously.
What can it hurt? Besides, you might have some fun.
Judah the Macabee was a fierce warrior who stormed the Temple.
and with a few men, he defeated the mighty Assyrian army.
So, when did he become a lion, daddy? I'm getting to that, sweetie.
Judah the Macabee lived for many years And then he died and became a lion who loves his pops.
Can I go now? - Leo.
- What? - This is whack - It's Hanukkah, and I'm trying to tell a story.
Yeah well, I learned the real story in hebrew school.
what you're telling us is a lie Leo, if you want to go to your room, go.
Barb! I want the family together, and that includes our son.
I'm not pretending to believe in a fake lion, ok? Dad, Judah the lion is fake? not exactly, sweetheart.
He's pretend! I don't know why I even bother.
You girls wanna help me make latke? I'll be right back.
Potato.
Hey, dad.
I just wanted to give you kids something to enjoy, to be excited about.
I wanted it to be special for you.
We have Hanukkah traditions.
Yeah, they are a little lame but, so what? So what? So Christmas is everywhere, Poor jews, and I don't want my family, my children, growing up feeling that's there's something out there that's better.
that what we've got here.
But Chritmas is not about the tree, or the holly, or the Temple, or the gifts.
Because even if you have all that stuff, it means nothing if you're not together, as a family.
We have that, dad we are together.
And, that's what's all about You've got your mother's brains.
Thanks.
I just hope I have some of your heart.
So, are you still in the dark? No.
No.
Is not about trying to give Adam the perfect Christmas.
Because there's no such thing, first of all.
And second of all, I think that I was missing the point.
Which is? That the holidays They're all about being with the people you love.
Which is why you and Julianne are so fortunate.
You both have families who love you.
and Adam doesn't.
He can't see you.
What is he doing here? Well, this is last Christmas, and here is where he spent it.
I mean, I know that Adam has estranged from his family, but surely he has friends that he spend the holidays with.
If you have whisky as a friend, Adam does.
Hey Bobby, another whisky when you get a chance.
Coming right up.
You know, if it was me I'd just head home and I'd draw the blinds and grab some junkie monkey and watch TV.
There is a comfort about being amongst people like yourself.
My first Christmas, after Sarah left? I spent in a place much like this.
Adam is here because today, more than any other, He is seeking something that he truly needs.
Tell me what he doesn't need.
which is apparently me, dragging him around to sit on Santa's lap.
Cheers, Bobby.
Guiseppe Martini said that "Family is the Country of the Heart".
We spend so much of our lives in exile, but on the holidays we make the pilgrimage home.
to the nation of our heart.
wherever that may be You and me on "knock-knock" jokes.
I warn you in advance, pretty terrible.
Unless you're like Adam.
Then you don't have a family to go home to.
That's right.
Is there such a thing as the perfect holiday? I think that question kind of misses the point really.
because all holidays are about the same thing.
and what's that? Connecting to the people that care about you.
Feeling like you are a part of something A family, a Community, a Culture Thanks Dr.
Tom Chag Sameach, Erica Merry Christmas.
Hey, Julianne? - Have you seen Adam? - Chicken, I think he already left, I'm sorry.
Yeah, but like a bad box of fruitcake, I keep coming back.
Uhm excuse me.
I have to do repair on the gingerbread house.
Would you believe some party-pooper swiped the door! I'm sorry.
No, I am.
No, I am.
Wanna fight about it? Listen, I was wrong the way I crammed Christmas down your throat You should do whatever you need to do in order to feel Ok for the holiday Just, no pressure Thanks.
I've to split soon, to go to my parents' Hanukkah party I thought you weren't going I changed my mind and I would love for you to come I mean is gonna be filled with crazy people and games that probably make no sense and oily food this is your sales pitch? And if you don't wanna go, is totally cool, Adam.
It's like i said.
There's just no pressure.
Would you look at that One Christmas tradition I can get behind.
Well then, you better be, for me.
On that note, I think that we should run before we miss the candle lighting.
You can't come to the candles, the candles come you - Dad! What? - Hi, honey What are you guys doing here? It wasn't a Hanukkah party without you So we thought we'd crash With latkes and apple sauce.
I ate the last doughnut on the way over what kind of a Holiday you come with doughnuts I don't care where I light the Chanukkiyah Erica, as long as I do it with my family.
Come in, Come in! - Can I put this some place? - Yes, absolutely Julianne! Strangers are here.
My favourites! - Merry Christmas - Thank You Sinc.
by Alice
You didn't, 'cos I made it.
Uhm Erica, you know that I love you, But your lattes taste like day-old battery acid Food isn't just you forté So, we'll just pretend this maybe Tastes like Christmas and Rudolph and gingerbread latte exploting in my mouth all at once.
You'll be nicer now? I'm so sorry, chicken.
This time of year brings out my mother in me.
Now, the 50-50 Press Holiday Soirée is way inclusive So, for our guests observing Kwanzaa, we have a Unity Cup, and a Mkeka.
How cool.
And next, for you and yours peeps, Erica, A Menorah! Technically it's a Chanukkiyah but thank you very much, it's a very sweet gesture.
Is not just a gesture, Hanukkah is a major holiday Actually, Yom Kippur is major, Rosh HashanahRosh Hashanah is major, but Hanukkah, not so major.
Ho-ho-ho my dear tinsel ladies Jolly Ole' Saint Ivan is in the House.
You look amazing! He knows, He's been staring in the mirror for three hours.
David's troll is gorgeous, this party is gonna rock.
- Jingle Bell Rock - Well it better, 'cos I'm keeping a list and I'm checking it twice, and if anything that is on here is not out there, I'm gonna be grabbing two lumps of coal down your bear cage chimney Make sure to answer with a Hello-ho-ho Hello-ho-ho Erica? Hey, dad! When are you gonna be here? We'll hold off lighting the candles Ahm.
.
No wait, I have the Didn't mum tell you? No, your mother didn't tell me.
No, Lenin, just just one for the first night.
Oh Sorry First hanukkah You're not gonna be here for the first night of hanukkah You know is a family tradition, Erica.
I know dad, but I have work party, so why don't I come to your place some other night.
Dad.
Don't let me feel bad.
I'm sorry.
Is Okay, honey.
Go and enjoy your party.
Ok.
Well, I'll swing by tomorrow.
Chag Sameach Happy Hanukkah to you too - Ho Ho Ho - Hey Wow.
Look at this place.
You don´t need more decorations.
I'll take those.
Ok this is not holly, this is cedar.
I'm aware Julianne, but they ran out of Holly.
I apologise.
Thank You, I think.
Julianne isn't full on trust mode.
Julianne has never been on the road and the shops Stores, I mean is just other day of the year.
No no no no.
.
no holiday squidgy grinch talk, mister I am determined to make this a good Christmas for you.
Erica.
You have enough on your plate already You know, this work shindig tonight and family commitments Don't add me to your list of obligations.
Oh well, you're number one on it, so I know that the holidays, they make you sad and I don't want you to be.
Just wanna make you happy.
Starting with Okay, that's a good start.
Being Erica 3x13 - Fa La Erica- Sincr.
by Alice Say "minced meat".
You're going tubing on Christmas Day? If Santa over there can get over his acrophobia, yeah But if not, we'll just go cross-country skiing like always.
With all of your parents? That's.
.
it is so cute They kind of live for it, it's pretty adorable.
Ok, I live for Christmas too, inside, where it's warm.
with my mum's homemade Christmas clothes, loads of presents and carols and crackers and all the other Giacomelli traditions.
You have everything but "chestnuts roasting on an open fire".
No no no, we usually have those too! and Adam, what you got any special Christmas tradition you gonna share with Erica this year? My family likes to get drunk and pass out on the Christmas pudding I can.
Rum and eggnog anyone? No? yeah either this stuff tastes like leather or did I put a size six Nunavut boot right of my mouth.
No, you know, it's not you Adam, he just has bag full of memories about the holidays.
I'm so sorry I didn't mean to drudge up the ghost of Christmas past day No I know, I just I don't know what to do for him.
You know, I've seen all the Christmas movies and I think I know what it's supposed to be like and this is gonna sound cheesy but I just I want that for him.
Erica I I think that's beautiful.
Are you crying? Ok yes, 'cos I'm a sap and I just love this time of year, brings up the best in people and I have to say when it comes to perfect Christmases, I'm kind of an expert.
Well, good then because I'm not! Maybe you can help me, You can be like my Christmas coach Oh!, I'd love to! So, it starts with the present.
you have to pick something that is very important to both of you.
Jules! Oh my God.
This is a great party.
Thanks! We have cider, we have cocoa and if you want something more alcoholic, we have rum and eggnog No thanks I'm just gonna get a cider, you want one? No, I'm Ok.
Judith.
I'm gonna catch up with you in just a bit - Ok - Hello another when you get a chance.
That doesn't look like a rum and eggnog No, that's because it's an Irish car bomb Just doing my bit to help the Irish economy Well, I got you a Christmas present.
Erica No I know you said no, but look, it's very small.
A door.
- Get it? From therapy - Get it.
I stole it from the gingerbread house.
I hope no one notices.
Thank you.
Great, next step? Picture with Santa.
Erica.
The door is great, but really I'm not I'm not up for this Christmas stuff.
Aw, c'mon.
One picture to remember tonight by.
Just you and me and Jolly Ole' Saint Nick! Come young lady and sit on Santa's lap.
You too, young man! Everybody say "Gouda" on three.
One Two Three.
Gouda! Alright.
.
Oh.
wait.
.
Adam Let's try it again, this time think like sugarplum fairies It's alright man! Sorry.
Adam.
Adam.
You're not gonna have fun if you don't even try I told you, Christmas is just not my thing.
I know, I'm just trying to make you happy I know that this time of year is hard for you because of your family Erica, I didn't ask to make this time of year fun because there's no way it can be, Ok? I'm sorry.
I just need some air.
Excuse me.
Adam.
Adam wait.
Happy Holidays, Erica.
Would you mind handing me that silver bell? Look I hope you didn't call me in here to help you decorate your Christmas tree because I'm not really an expert.
Well, then perhaps you wouldn't mind assisting me with this.
Why do you have a Chanukkiyah? Traditions all over the world celebrate the winter holiday.
So I choose to observe them all.
- You must be really busy right now - You have no idea Would you do me the honour of lighting the first candle? This is the first night of Hanukkah, after all For eight days, they celebrated.
One Maccabees.
Did the Maccabees have any advice about how to patch things up with Adam? What happened? Well, is just, you know, Christmas is a difficult time of year for him.
You know his family.
And I just hope that I can reboot the holidays for him this year.
Because you feel he's been missing out.
well of course he has He never had a Christmas tree growing up, no presents, no stockings and I know he's not a child anymore.
but What? Being jewish this time of year especially when you are a kid, is really hard everywhere there's these crazy, shiny amazing parties and you're not invited.
So it must be doubly hard if you are invited to the party, but nobody cares enough to throw the party for you.
So if you could give Adam a real Christmas, one with lots of presents and bowls of holly and carols sung by a roaring fire, you think that would help him.
I think that would help him look at the holidays in a new light.
I think that would make him happy.
Or, you might be missing the forest for the Christmas trees.
What does that mean? Oh My God! Oh no is time to give you a Christmas *** *gasp* Sorry? You should be.
It's Only idiots and preschoolers are up.
Go back to bed.
Julianne?! This just looks like a stocking from a magazine.
what? That's because it is a stocking from a magazine.
Your real one is under the tree, remember, sleepyhead? Totally makes sense.
Two stockings! It makes sense to your mother that's all that matters, chicken.
Chicken! So Weird Want some advice, honey? Ok.
Go get dress for the big portrait before you get us both in trouble! Then we open stuff, Ok? - Oh, okay - I wouldn't mind.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas.
Cheese! Let me check and see if that went out correctly.
The flash went out, honey.
Julianney don't move! I want one more picture, just to be safe.
Oh, sorry.
The annual photo op is a deadly serious matter! just why you chose to dress as a witch this year Ok now, all together everyone.
Eyes open, and Fruitcake! Perfect! Thank you.
Now, to open presents.
And panettone, your favourite.
good, I'm starved! Wait! Don't move! Is that star crooked? It looks fine to me, honey.
It's crooked, Remo.
# O star of wonder # # star of light # # Fix the star # # or have a fight # Does that mean we're doing it again? Yes, that means we're going again.
Laugh at me now but someday you will be glad you have all these nice pictures.
Fruitcake Perfect! Do we get to open the presents now, please! What is with you today? You're acting like you're 8 years old I thought everybody was excited at Christmas Your sister loves this time of year and why is that a bad thing? I don't know.
'cos maybe she doesn't even see that she's part of this giant consumerist culture that is so hypocritical Consumerist? That's a big word.
Have you read Chusmky? Liar.
You're not even a kid and you still listen to New Kids on The Block.
Excuse me Georgy, but reading Chumsky and listening to New Kids are not "mutually exclusive" You don't even understand what I'm talking about Girls, girls, girls It's Christmas morning please stop fighting Have some panettone, some eggnog And then we will open presents You know I sent for that all the way from Italy Just for you, Julianne 'cos is your favourite.
Maybe I need to wash it down Freak.
Thank you so much everyone.
I've never opened as many gifts in my entire life.
Wait.
.
I think Santa missed something over here.
Let's see.
Oh, for Georgy.
- Who is this one? - That's from me.
Hope you like it.
"Tolerance" You brought me a rock.
Maybe you should tell your sister what were you thinking when you bought it.
Well Tolerance is a beautiful concept, especially at this time of the year.
and I need to be reminded of that because why because I'm intolerant? C'mon.
Your sister wouldn't be trying to hurt your feelings at Christmas.
Wouldn't she? Well, I'll have to agree, it isn't the most thoughtful gift.
Honey! Not helping.
I mean, it isn't quite as thoughtful as, let's say an electric grill.
Hey! Are there any other presents under here maybe? Are you calling my gift thoughless? Do you know how long I had to spend on the phone to get you one of those? Is the biggest gift of the season! Oh yeah, mum, they are great, trust me.
is like you know, like having a barbecue on your kitchen.
Oh, that's just wonderful! So I can use my gift to barbecue for all for you.
No, mum No, you know what? It's fine.
I do all the work around here, making sure your Christmases are something to remember and the big joke ends up to be on me.
And clearly, I'm the worst husband in the world! Listen.
how many times have you told me that you wish you had a grill! So I got you a grill.
I didn't want it for Christmas! Dad be careful.
You're sounding intolerant.
wouldn't want Julianne giving you one of these for Father's day Georgy hey look, I'm sorry I guess I wasn't thinking.
Give me the rock an I'll take it back to the store.
Oh no.
This is mine now.
No, Georgy.
You hate it C'mon give it to me.
No, it's useful.
I might be whacking a sister I have.
No, c'mon.
# O rest ye merry gentlemen # # let nothing you dismay # Yeah, dismay.
That about sums it up.
That's hardly in the spirit of the Season What, you didn't get enough presents? No.
I got loads, but the tension around it all was unbelievable just feels that there's way too many expectations for one morning You thought that all would be candy cane and chestnust roasting on an open fire and # Five golden rings # # Four calling birds # # Three french hens # # Two turtle doves # -Dr.
Tom - Hold on.
# And a partdridge in a pear tree.
# Go ahead.
Yes, that's what I thought, but through no fault of my own, and Julianne, she swears up and down that Christmas is just the best time of year.
Well, what do you think? Well, I'm sure not feeling the Christmas spirit that she's talking about Clearly she and Georgy hate each other 'Cos Julianne is seriously "type A" and I was feeling bad for Remo until the whole grill incident.
You know what? Adam, he may be a Grinch in Christmas, but at least he's honest about it.
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick" "even when you're home" Carol Nelson - Julianne.
- Yeah? Who is at the door? Just a Caroler.
Ooh! Merry Christmas Why thank you, Madam.
God bless us everyone.
Julianne put your coat on, we can't be late.
She's stalling 'cos she's nervous Nervous, for what? We're just going to Church not like I have to get up there and do a solo? A Solo? If i have to hear you sing "Silent Night" one more time I will barf.
Oh no no, wait I'm singing in front of like a church full of people? Seriously, have you guys heard my voice? Father Angelo says you sound terrific.
I hope so, after all the lessons we paid for.
Oh mum, dad Ok, c'mon let's go.
Parking it's gonna be a nightmare.
Julianne.
Put your coat on.
Now is the Day of Joy Let us not revenge.
Now is the Day of Good Will Let us not be cruel.
Georgy Georgy Do you know the tune of "Silent Night"? Yes! - Can you help me? - With what?? Girls! We're at church! The Lord be with you - and also with you - and also yeah with with you.
And now, dear friends, A Christmas gift for us all, The god-given voice of Julianne Giacomelli.
Julianne Go, honey! Merry Christmas What are you doing? Sorry I don't know I don't know what's wrong with me.
maybe we'll just skip next week's service and save Father Angelo the embarrasment.
I just I mean I blanked.
Pretty awful, right? Is nice to see Georgy sing Actually was pretty great thing the two of you sing together again It's been a long time Now, would anyone like a nice light lunch, nothing to spoil your dinner Let me get that, Cass.
You just sit and relax.
- Are you sure? - 'Course I'm sure with so much effort into making Christmas perfect for us, is your turn to enjoy yourself.
How does grilled cheese and salami sound? It sounds great I guess I'll rustle up some coffee and don't worry Julianne, I will make you a latte Thanks mum.
And thank you for coming to my rescue Yeah well, it was too much watching you die up there! even for me.
look about the present I got you Don't worry about it.
No, really.
I didn't get it to hurt you.
you know, that's not Julianne that's not my style I think that we're just so different, and I see you and you're all intellectual and political and I think that I kinda wanted to get you something deep and I picked the wrong thing.
Yeah, well Tolerance is a really deep message.
Yeah! it is.
It's pretty perfect, for the Season We are different But, maybe I could be more tolerant of everything that makes you you That was one crazy Christmas morning, huh? yeah! crazy! What are you talking about? That was nothing Nothing? The tree fell over! Sorry about that, again.
Dad's right.
It's like this every year.
Remember two years ago? When you killed the oven and we had to have chinese food.
Really? Or the year before that, when Nono was here, and he flooded the upstairs bathroom? That's right.
It came through the ceiling and went on the tree and wet all the presents.
Anyway Here's to another crazy Giacomelli Christmas.
hear, hear, hear Oh My God But I wanna sit on his knees! Please, please, please You know we don't celebrate Christmas I want a candy cane and a picture to show my friends! Sam we've got to get on setup the party, why don't I buy you a lollipop for the I don't want a lollipop I want a candy cane I'll be so fast! look! there's no line up.
Please! Samantha Rachel Strange! Keep your voice down.
Mum, just let her, Santa isn't even a christian icon, if anything he's pagan.
Erica, please don't cause problems for me right now I got a lot to deal with I'm just saying that you're making way too big a deal of this.
One candy cane from Santa Claus isn't gonna make Sam convert.
Just this one time, mommy.
Please let me.
Ok.
- Go! - Thank you, mommy! Pagan? When did you get so smart? Daddy! Daddy! Hey, honey! look what I got! So, you visited Santa I asked for a talking Cabbage Patch Doll and some for me and Leo.
She's that generous Thanks Sam, but I wouldn't count on Santa delivering to this house.
Leo! What are you doing? Wishing you a happy Hanukkah Okay, thanks.
You wanna let go? Leo, can you put this bags in the kitchen for me, please? 'kay mum.
Daddy? Did you know Santa has twelve reindeer, and elves to make all the presents? Really! - Barb, can we speak for a moment? - 'Course Erica, can you get the rest of the bags from the car, please? Sure.
Oh.
Okay, so ahm what's going on? Memories of Hanukkah's past Okay, you sent me back to experience Christmas so that I can learn that is not all snowflakes and reindeers and now I'm doing Hanukkah in the eighties? No, not just any Hanukkah I mean this one was particularly memorable.
I have no idea what are you talking about.
- I was like, eleven? - it'll come back to you.
Forgive me, it's just the irony of it all.
I mean, here you are, you wanted to give Adam the perfect Christmas.
Yes, and? Is funny.
The apple never falls far from the tree.
Still in the dark here! Oh, thank you, Erica.
You go off and enjoy some Hanukkah magic I promise that all will be revealed they feel left out well that's too bad, they're jewish they have to deal with it you are over-reacting am over-reacting? Where's this gonna end up, Barb? We're gonna get a Christmas tree in here, put out lights She sat on Santa's lap for a picture You know, you're blowing this out of proportion Erica did I do something bad? Oh no, no.
Don't worry about it, Ok? Everything's gonna be alright Could have fooled me hon! No.
I didn't fool you.
I'm merely stating something.
.
Hey! Anyone up for a little dreidel tonight? No thanks Uncle Joe.
Erica, if I were older, do you think George Michael would like me? I don't think you're his type, Sam.
What was that? That was a very special visitor to our house.
who we are welcoming this year.
Did that come from the roof? It did, indeed.
say hello to Judah the Lion.
Judah the lion.
- He's the reincarnation of - Judah the Macabee.
I remember this.
If you bring your wishes of the Chanukkiyah and scatter the ashes, Judah magically reassembles them and brings you presents.
Were you eavesdropping? Maybe Hold it.
Are you saying there's a lion on our roof right now, daddy? Yes, sweetie, I think so.
If we listen carefully, we might hear him.
Alright, exciting.
I'll be in my room listening to the Smiths call me when is time to eat.
Oh no.
You gotta wait, we should talk about Judah Otherwise, you might not get anything for Hanukkah.
C'mon dad, seriously.
What can it hurt? Besides, you might have some fun.
Judah the Macabee was a fierce warrior who stormed the Temple.
and with a few men, he defeated the mighty Assyrian army.
So, when did he become a lion, daddy? I'm getting to that, sweetie.
Judah the Macabee lived for many years And then he died and became a lion who loves his pops.
Can I go now? - Leo.
- What? - This is whack - It's Hanukkah, and I'm trying to tell a story.
Yeah well, I learned the real story in hebrew school.
what you're telling us is a lie Leo, if you want to go to your room, go.
Barb! I want the family together, and that includes our son.
I'm not pretending to believe in a fake lion, ok? Dad, Judah the lion is fake? not exactly, sweetheart.
He's pretend! I don't know why I even bother.
You girls wanna help me make latke? I'll be right back.
Potato.
Hey, dad.
I just wanted to give you kids something to enjoy, to be excited about.
I wanted it to be special for you.
We have Hanukkah traditions.
Yeah, they are a little lame but, so what? So what? So Christmas is everywhere, Poor jews, and I don't want my family, my children, growing up feeling that's there's something out there that's better.
that what we've got here.
But Chritmas is not about the tree, or the holly, or the Temple, or the gifts.
Because even if you have all that stuff, it means nothing if you're not together, as a family.
We have that, dad we are together.
And, that's what's all about You've got your mother's brains.
Thanks.
I just hope I have some of your heart.
So, are you still in the dark? No.
No.
Is not about trying to give Adam the perfect Christmas.
Because there's no such thing, first of all.
And second of all, I think that I was missing the point.
Which is? That the holidays They're all about being with the people you love.
Which is why you and Julianne are so fortunate.
You both have families who love you.
and Adam doesn't.
He can't see you.
What is he doing here? Well, this is last Christmas, and here is where he spent it.
I mean, I know that Adam has estranged from his family, but surely he has friends that he spend the holidays with.
If you have whisky as a friend, Adam does.
Hey Bobby, another whisky when you get a chance.
Coming right up.
You know, if it was me I'd just head home and I'd draw the blinds and grab some junkie monkey and watch TV.
There is a comfort about being amongst people like yourself.
My first Christmas, after Sarah left? I spent in a place much like this.
Adam is here because today, more than any other, He is seeking something that he truly needs.
Tell me what he doesn't need.
which is apparently me, dragging him around to sit on Santa's lap.
Cheers, Bobby.
Guiseppe Martini said that "Family is the Country of the Heart".
We spend so much of our lives in exile, but on the holidays we make the pilgrimage home.
to the nation of our heart.
wherever that may be You and me on "knock-knock" jokes.
I warn you in advance, pretty terrible.
Unless you're like Adam.
Then you don't have a family to go home to.
That's right.
Is there such a thing as the perfect holiday? I think that question kind of misses the point really.
because all holidays are about the same thing.
and what's that? Connecting to the people that care about you.
Feeling like you are a part of something A family, a Community, a Culture Thanks Dr.
Tom Chag Sameach, Erica Merry Christmas.
Hey, Julianne? - Have you seen Adam? - Chicken, I think he already left, I'm sorry.
Yeah, but like a bad box of fruitcake, I keep coming back.
Uhm excuse me.
I have to do repair on the gingerbread house.
Would you believe some party-pooper swiped the door! I'm sorry.
No, I am.
No, I am.
Wanna fight about it? Listen, I was wrong the way I crammed Christmas down your throat You should do whatever you need to do in order to feel Ok for the holiday Just, no pressure Thanks.
I've to split soon, to go to my parents' Hanukkah party I thought you weren't going I changed my mind and I would love for you to come I mean is gonna be filled with crazy people and games that probably make no sense and oily food this is your sales pitch? And if you don't wanna go, is totally cool, Adam.
It's like i said.
There's just no pressure.
Would you look at that One Christmas tradition I can get behind.
Well then, you better be, for me.
On that note, I think that we should run before we miss the candle lighting.
You can't come to the candles, the candles come you - Dad! What? - Hi, honey What are you guys doing here? It wasn't a Hanukkah party without you So we thought we'd crash With latkes and apple sauce.
I ate the last doughnut on the way over what kind of a Holiday you come with doughnuts I don't care where I light the Chanukkiyah Erica, as long as I do it with my family.
Come in, Come in! - Can I put this some place? - Yes, absolutely Julianne! Strangers are here.
My favourites! - Merry Christmas - Thank You Sinc.
by Alice