Bewitched (1964) s03e13 Episode Script

Oh, dear.
No, not fair.
Oh, dear.
- Aunt Clara.
Easy.
- I'm sorry, Samantha.
I'm sorry.
I thought I was popping into the kitchen.
Don't you worry about a thing.
You only missed by a few feet.
Oh, yes.
Oh, it's distressing.
- What? - It's distressing.
- What? - Oh, dear.
You know, I used to pop in on a dime.
Oh, but when you get old, you know, the equipment The navigation equipment, you know, it's not what it was.
Oh, yes, well Yeah, so I see.
Come on in, come on in.
You come in and sit down.
There you go.
Oh, go on, go on.
Do just what you were doing.
What are you doing? Trying to fix this lamp.
But I think I've got it wired wrong.
Oh, dear.
Now, do be careful.
Electricity is a very tricky thing.
With all the watts and the ohms and the - I'll call an electrician.
- Oh, no.
Don't bother, Aunt Clara.
Darrin will look at it when he gets home.
I'm gonna take a look at Tabatha.
Just relax.
- Wait till you see how she's grown.
- Yes.
It's no bother.
No bother at all.
Hark ye, hark ye Ye witches who live in lamps Ye powers of watts And ohms and amps Wizards of AC/DC transmission Send me an electrician It worked.
Benjamin Franklin, at your service, madam.
Samantha, the electrician has arrived.
Here's the lamp, Mr.
Franklin.
Madam, who are you? What manner of contraption is that? It's an ordinary lamp, and we want you to fix it.
- Excuse me, madam, who are you? - Who are you? Benjamin Franklin, madam, at your service, but l Benjamin Franklin? Aunt Clara, what have you done? Ladies, I fear you have the advantage.
You seem to recognize me yet I don't know you or where I am or, for that matter, how I came to be here.
Are you really Benjamin Franklin? Madam, although a prudent man should be miserly with those things he holds to be certain I can assure you that I am indeed he.
Samantha, you know, electricians cost $7.
50 an hour.
Aunt Clara.
Aunt Clara, do you know what you've done? You've brought back Benjamin Franklin.
The famous one.
Now, all he did was experiment with electricity.
- He wouldn't know how to fix a lamp.
- He wouldn't know how to fix a lamp? Shocking.
Mr.
Franklin, I'm Samantha Stephens.
And this is my Aunt Clara.
What did he say? What did you say, I mean? Oh, "We're pleased to meet each other" in French, Aunt Clara.
In Mr.
Franklin's time, people often spoke French when they wanted to be polite.
In my time, madam? In my time? How come you? How come you to say "my time" as if it were far removed from your own? Forgive me, but I am perplexed.
Well, I don't blame you.
Forgive us.
Mr.
Franklin this is 20th century America.
But that's impossible.
It's against the laws of nature.
You want to see a calendar? And yet, I confess I find myself in strange surroundings.
The room filled with devices I've never seen before.
Can it be? Is it possible that modern science has advanced so far as to be capable of transporting a man from one century to another? Well, I suppose you could put it that way.
That's fantastic.
Absolutely fantastic.
You mentioned the word "electricity" earlier.
I'm curious.
I dealt with some of the natural phenomena of electricity.
I wonder, did anything come of it? Electricity, Mr.
Franklin.
But that That's astounding.
It's astounding.
Oh, it does work.
It works.
Oh, there were those in my day who would have clapped me in the stocks for dealing with witchcraft.
Oh, well, I remember Aunt Clara, let's get Mr.
Franklin some coffee from the kitchen.
Oh, don't trouble yourself, ladies.
Although, if you happen to have a tankard of ale Why, Mr.
Franklin, somehow I never thought of you as a drinking man.
Well, drinking doesn't improve our faculties, it's true, but it helps.
Come on, Aunt Clara.
Aunt Clara, you have to get rid of him.
Nicely, of course.
Now, Samantha, he hasn't fixed the lamp, you know.
Aunt Clara, he isn't an ordinary electrician.
He's Benjamin Franklin, and he doesn't belong here.
Well, I suppose you're right.
Yes, I've done it again.
I've gone and witched the whole thing up.
Oh, no, no, you haven't at all.
It was just a little mistake in judgment.
As a matter of fact, I'm impressed that you were able to get him here.
It was a bit of the old Clara, wasn't it? Oh, yes, you can still teach me a thing or two.
And I'm sure you can get rid of him just as easily.
Well, now, I don't know.
- It's much harder to reverse the spell.
- Yes, I know.
Well, Aunt Clara, you just stay in here and concentrate.
I'll go outside and entertain Mr.
Franklin.
Yes, I'll concentrate.
Forgot.
One tankard of ale coming up.
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.
Well, that's a fine way to greet a husband after a hard day at work.
What's that? - And who is that? - This is a tankard of ale.
Sam, who is he? What have you done? - Well, he - Samantha.
Oh, he's still here.
I thought I had it.
Mr.
Stephens, I presume? I'm proud to make the acquaintance of such a charming lady's husband and an enlightened gentleman of the 20th century.
- I thought I'd sent him back.
- I might have known.
Samantha Darling, dinner will be ready in about an hour.
Why don't you relax and have a nice chatty evening with Benjamin Franklin? Benjamin Franklin? That's right.
At the risk of your thinking me a vain and foolish old man can you tell me, has anything happened to the To the innovations that I began in Philadelphia? Well, as you can see, electricity has caught on pretty well.
- Oh, we showed him that first thing.
- Yes.
Oh, yes, and I am delighted, of course.
Although I'm still very much in the dark about light.
He hasn't fixed the lamp yet, you know.
When I was in Philadelphia I began I began an experiment of lending books which I called the public library.
Every city has one.
New York City alone has over 50 branches.
Mr.
Franklin, many of your inventions have become household words.
It's hard to tell you how important they are.
The public library, the fire department the rocking chair, bifocals.
Mr.
Franklin, did you start the fire engine? I started the fire department, madam, yes.
Darrin, I have a wonderful idea.
Instead of trying to tell all this to Mr.
Franklin, why don't we show him? Tomorrow, we can take him on a tour of the town.
- Well, that's a splendid idea, madam.
- Sam, no.
Now, Darrin, I think it would be much simpler, you know.
Have you two taken leave of your senses? In case you've forgotten, Mr.
Franklin did not exactly get here by bus.
But, Darrin, no one has to know how he got here.
I mean, he could Stay right where you are.
I'll get that.
- Darrin? - Larry.
- Am I too early? - Early? For what? For anything.
I'm just dropping in.
- Tonight? - Yeah.
How'd you guess? - Well, Larry, as a matter of fact - Still at dinner, huh? I'll just have a drink while you finish.
Hi, Larry.
My, it's nice to see you.
Listen, you two finish dinner.
I know my way to the bar.
Darrin, why don't you have a drink with Larry? I'll clear off the table.
Well, the electricity comes from outside, you know.
Isn't that so, Samantha? Larry, you know my Aunt Clara.
And this is Aunt Clara's friend.
Who's a friend of Aunt Clara's.
Aunt Clara.
Costume party.
We're going to a costume party.
Oh, Tate.
Larry Tate.
Costume party, huh? Oh, wait a minute.
Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
Thomas Jefferson.
No, sir.
Mr.
Jefferson was much taller.
My name is Benjamin Franklin.
Of course.
I should've gotten it right off the bat.
Those square glasses.
Yes, they're called bifocals.
I invented them.
One can look through the top part or the bottom Hold it.
You're not going to any costume party.
- We're not? - Darrin, you sly dog.
No wonder you didn't wanna let me in.
You wanna spring it at the meeting.
- What are you talking about? - Sam, you've got a sneaky husband.
Brilliant, but sneaky.
We've been racking our brains for just the right approach to the Franklin Electronics account.
You know, something socko, original.
And here it is, Franklin himself.
I don't believe I understand, sir.
You wish me to lend my name to a commercial venture? Terrific, terrific.
Just the right quality.
Integrity, honesty.
Let's hear some more.
And this time, sprinkle in a few "thees" and "thous.
" You know, for the old-world flavour.
Aunt Clara, why don't you show Mr.
Franklin how the telephone works? Wonderful gadget, the telephone.
Works by electricity.
Well, yes.
Well, just come this way.
Yes.
Thank you.
Come on, Darrin.
You don't need to keep up the act.
I'm convinced.
Just wait till Bernie Franklin hears about this.
He'll be tickled pink.
Oh, Larry, I don't think it's such a hot idea.
It's a question of Sam, they're going outside.
Aunt Clara has a cold.
She can't go out without her sweater.
Abner, there's something funny going on over there.
Something funny "ha-ha," or something funny "you're seeing things again"? Mr.
Franklin.
Aunt Clara.
Don't you think we ought to go inside? It's getting a little chilly out here.
Mrs.
Stephens.
Yoo-hoo, Mrs.
Stephens.
That lady seems to be hailing you, madam.
Mrs.
Stephens.
Mrs.
Stephens, I wonder whether I could borrow Hello.
My name is Kravitz, Gladys Kravitz.
- My name is - Mrs.
Kravitz, you know my Aunt Clara.
- They're going to a costume party.
- Costume party? - How come she isn't dressed? - Oh, but I am.
I'm going as a witch.
Mrs.
Kravitz, what is it you wanted to borrow? - Well, just a - Mrs.
Kravitz.
Good night, Sam.
Clara.
Oh, and good night, Ben.
You son of a gun.
Ben.
Benjamin Franklin.
I was right.
I was right.
No, Mrs.
Kra - Funny frog.
- That's a funny frog.
It's a green frog.
You know what his name is? Fergus? - Funny frog.
- Fergus frog.
How can you talk when your hand Yeah.
For the guy who said, "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise," Mr.
Franklin sure can sleep.
If you travelled two centuries, you'd be sleepy too.
Better not let him sleep too long.
You've got lots to see.
And while you're sightseeing, keep trying to make Aunt Clara remember that spell to send him back, please.
- Don't worry, darling.
- And you call me every half-hour.
Shall we synchronize our watches? We are synchronized.
See you tonight.
Bye, darling.
- Bye-bye, Daddy.
- Samantha.
- Bye-bye.
- Oh, Samantha.
Oh, he's gone.
- Mr.
Franklin.
He's gone.
- Oh, Aunt Clara.
- You mean you remembered the spell? - No, no.
No, he's gone.
He's gone.
He isn't here.
What I mean What I mean to say is he's not here, but There.
"Not wishing to be the source of domestic discord l've decided to see a bit of the city myself.
With kindest regards, B.
Franklin.
" Oh, Aunt Clara, that's terrible.
- It is.
- I'll get a babysitter.
Yes.
Oh, oh, dear.
Come on, Tabatha.
Well, that's the electric company, the phone company and three fire stations, and still no sign of him.
Oh, dear.
Don't you think you should phone Darrin? Oh, no.
No, no, Aunt Clara.
No sense in him worrying too.
I have an idea.
Let's try the public library.
Come on, mister, let us in on the gag.
What are you advertising? I'm merely waiting, sir, for the library to open.
In those weirdo rags? Which, by your sundial, sir, should be in exactly 10 minutes.
Come on, buddy boy.
Stop putting us on.
What are you pitching, huh? A new movie or something? Hey, I know.
Shampoo.
Oh, leave the old guy alone.
What's bugging you, buster? You got a gripe? Young man.
In the sense that one may learn a good deal about a man by his clothing I am, in fact, advertising myself in the same sense that you, by your appearance, proclaim what you are.
By your clothes and countenance I take you to be advertising dirt, slovenliness and a dislike for soap and water.
Your demeanour proclaims your insolence and your disrespect.
By your speech, I suspect you are advertising rudeness, vulgarity and ignorance for the English language.
Good day.
The old man can take care of himself.
I'm from the Morning Gazette.
Can I ask you a few questions? Mr.
Franklin, I certainly am glad we found you.
- You needn't have bothered.
- Oh, no bother at all.
But I do think we should be running along.
We've got lots to see.
Franklin, huh? - How long has he been like this? - Oh, about 200 years.
Give or take a few.
Come along.
It's marvellous, simply marvellous.
What a contraption.
I should imagine it's very efficient too.
Oh, well, this one must be at least 35 years old.
The ones they use now are inside.
- Would you like to inspect it further? - Indeed I would.
Good.
Well, I'll be right back.
I just wanna call Darrin.
Larry, it's just not dignified, that's all.
What could be more dignified than a man playing Benjamin Franklin pitching transistor radios? The Franklin Electronics people were ecstatic.
- You told them? - Of course.
Hello.
Oh, hello, Sam.
How's it going? Don't you worry, darling.
Everything's going beautifully.
And Mr.
Franklin's very grateful to all of us.
And this machine operates on the same principle as these other conveyances I see? Yes, yes, you see, it's an automatic.
And there's a button that you press to start it.
Oh, yes.
This button here? - Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
- Well This is very exciting, but how does one turn it off? If you If you What? Well, don't you think you've seen enough? Don't forget, Aunt Clara has some memory work to do this afternoon.
I seem to be moving.
Where's the braking device? The pedal.
Press the pedal.
Oh, there must be a spell for this.
There must be a spell for Mr.
Franklin, come back.
Listen.
We'll be home in about an hour.
Samantha.
Oh, Samantha.
- The fire engine.
- Well, what happened, Aunt Clara? - He I'm telling you.
- What? - Oh, my goodness.
- Oh, my goodness.
Sam? Sam? Sam? Sam? Aunt Clara.
Aunt Clara, go home.
And please, try and remember that spell.
Yes, yes.
I will, I will, I will.
Mr.
Franklin? Mr.
Franklin, are you all right? Right this way, lady.
- I am unhurt, madam.
- Hey, mister, where's the fire? Oh, officer, I'm Samantha Stephens.
- I'm sure I can explain everything.
- Well, fine.
Why don't you do it down at the station house? This gentleman, whoever he is, is under arrest.
Right this way, sir.
What a story: "Ben Franklin Steals Fire Engine.
" Right.
Aunt Clara, now, you remember that spell.
Right? You'll remember that spell at once.
Right.
What spell? What you're supposed to remember.
Oh, dear.
I'm the dumbest witch of all.
This has all the trappings of some kind of publicity stunt.
The idea that a name like Benjamin Franklin is involved in this kind of proceeding As to whether Benjamin Franklin is involved or not, Your Honour I believe I'm the best judge of that.
The charge is grand theft, and bail is set at $1,000.
I'll put up bail, Your Honour.
Your Honour, could you tell us when the trial will be? - Oh, in about four weeks.
- Four weeks? Your Honour, due to the advanced age of the defendant couldn't we have the trial sooner? - How old are you? - Two hundred and sixty.
Four weeks.
You can pay the clerk.
We should have protested more vigorously.
The constitution guarantees to every citizen the right to a speedy trial.
Don't you worry, Mr.
Franklin.
You won't have to stand trial.
Oh, wait a minute, Sam.
We can't send him back now.
If he doesn't appear in court in four weeks, I'll lose $1,000.
I understand, of course Abner, Ben Franklin.
There he is.
Come quick, come quick.
- Although it grieves me to impose upon your hospitality this way.
We're delighted to have you.
As long as you don't cause any more trouble.
- Where is he? Mr.
Franklin? - Oh, no.
Ben Franklin? Where's Ben Franklin? He was He was there just He was He was there I remembered.
I remembered.
Aunt Clara, Aunt Clara, you've got to bring him back or we're out $1,000.
Well, if What? Now she remembers.