Grounded For Life (2001) s03e13 Episode Script

All right, just relax.
It's all in the wrist.
Why are you licking my neck? 'Cause, you know, there's a little bit in the neck.
Hey, let's play foosball! What are you doing here, grandpa? I got nothing else to do.
See, Brad, they closed down the dump.
Yeah, you told me.
and now here I am tossed aside like the very garbage I looked down upon for all those years.
But hey, more time for foosball, huh? Grandpa, we're kind of in the middle of a game.
Fine.
I'll just watch.
Go ahead.
All right.
Oh, oh, keep the legs down, Brad! Keep 'em down! Stop! You're wide open.
You got no defense! Eddie, come on! Eddie, look at this place.
Eddie! All right.
Ok.
I heard you.
Then why didn't you come out? I don't know.
It's almost like you were being deliberately ignored.
What was so important? Hey, captain.
Let me squeeze by you, lover.
Ooh, don't I know you from someplace? Come here.
I'm sick and tired of doing all the work around here while you're doing the bartender.
Hey.
Aah! Ow! Hey.
Aah! Hey.
Hey.
Aah! I never thought I'd say this, but I never want to see that woman naked again.
Ok, that's really mean, man.
I still want to see Claudia naked.
Eddie, you hungry? I could go for something.
You know, these shrimps look really good.
You want some shrimps? I'll eat shrimps.
Garlic shrimps.
These are gonna be too garlicky for you.
How can shrimps be too garlicky? There's no such thing as shrimps.
It's shrimp.
Ok, you're not gettin' any of our shrimps.
You want anything else, sugar? Nah.
Ok.
Hey, uh So, you wanna order something? Did you just call her sugar? Uh, no, I didn't.
What's getting into you, man? W-what do you mean? It's just, like, you're really into this girl.
You want anything or not? No, sugar.
Shut up, man.
Wait up for me.
Oh, we'll see how tired you are.
See ya later.
Who was that? That? That was Lomax.
What is Lomax? He's a guy.
Oh, are you cheating on me with him? No No I'm cheating on him with you.
Oh That's good to know.
Are you sure you can do this? Whew! I can totally do this.
I'm gonna be on mtv! That would be awesome! All right.
All right Here's the drill.
I'm gonna Ollie grind, railslide, pop a fakie, and stick my landing goofy-foot.
What in the hell is he talking about? Grandpa, what are you doing here? I'm spending some time with my granddaughter.
My golden years are being shoved down my throat, so I want to share them with you And this idiot.
Lily: Grandpa, we're kinda busy.
All right, it's go time! Here, let me help you with this.
No, it's ok.
Oh! Sweet! Did you get it? Ah I'm seeing pictures of Henry's birthday party.
No! No! Oh, come on! What kind of TV show would want to show that anyway? Jackass.
Watch your mouth with me, young lady.
What are you doing? Playing the piano.
Not well.
It speaks to me.
Look, ed, this whole Nicole thing has really got you down, hasn't it? Do you mind? I'm making music.
All right, mom, I'm gonna go count my yu-gi-oh cards.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Finish your breakfast.
Oh, I did.
Uh I see an egg on the plate.
Yeah.
You put it there.
For you to eat.
That's ok, I'll have another double-fudge pop tart.
No.
You are eating healthy.
Starting right now, all right? Every week I go and I buy healthy foods, and every week they go bad.
All right, you're eating healthy.
You are not leaving here till you eat that egg.
What about a pokémon vitamin? That is not food.
If I can chew it, it's food.
Sit down! Ok, you're not leaving this table un-until you eat that egg.
I mean it.
Fine.
I've got all day.
Fine.
Eww, what is that noise? Uh, Eddie's playing the blues.
I mean, this whole Nicole with another guy thing has really thrown him for a loop.
He really likes her.
Come on, Eddie doesn't form relationships like normal people.
I mean, he's like one of those monkeys nursed by a robot.
Wait a minute, are you calling my brother a monkey or my mother a robot? I shouldn't be hearing this.
Hey, butt on seat.
Look, forgive me for being heartless, but come on, he's been asking for it.
It's not you.
It's me.
But I don't want to break up.
I know.
That's why I said "it's me.
" I want to break up.
It's you.
You're married?! I guess I should have told you.
Why didn't you tell me? I'm I'm sorry.
We just decided to give it another go.
Just hey, honey.
Eddie.
Hey, kids.
Daddy's coming home.
He's already here.
Yes, he is.
Woman: Eddie.
Yeah.
Uh, mom, dad, this is Eddie.
Look, I can't defend everything Eddie's ever done, ok? But he is my little brother, and I just I don't like to see him hurtin' like this.
He'll be fine tomorrow.
He's Eddie.
He'll never change.
You drop that egg on the floor, you're eating that and another one.
Hey, lil, what's up? We're having a fun day with grandpa.
See you later.
We'll get ice cream.
Oh, god, will you please tell Eddie to stop playing that piano? He never practiced enough.
Dad, the whole reason he's playing is because he's depressed.
He just won't admit it.
You're telling me.
Last night was a pip.
Just pull over to the curb.
Just pull over to the curb.
Right here.
Stop.
This is fine.
This is fine.
Now, we're just gonna sit here.
Well, I thought we were gonna hit some golf balls.
At 2:00 in the morning? You said you knew a place.
Shh! You see that window? Third story, seventh from the left? The window? A woman lives there.
Does she live with Nicole? 'Cause I think this is her building.
Shh! A man is up there.
You can see his shadow.
Do you see the man's shadow on the window? Yeah.
You ever see what a pitching wedge could do to a person's window? What? Oh, man, this is worse than I thought.
I better go talk to him.
Anybody eating this egg? No Yes! Drop it! Step away, Walt.
Um, lil? Yes? You know how you and me had, you know Our moment of ultimate togetherness? Yeah.
Well, you know, ever since then, something's been missing.
What, Brad? alone together! I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
B-but we're alone right now.
Ultimate togetherness, alone? Medium togetherness? Ultimate medium togetherness? Maybe.
God help me! Of course! What, Jimmy? I was hanging out on the stoop and the Larson sisters were on the sidewalk.
And, you know, I was checking 'em out, being really cool, and outta nowhere, grandpa comes over and he grabs me! Ok, ok, we have to do something about grandpa.
He needs a girlfriend.
Yes! He needs a girlfriend And we're going to find him one.
I need a girlfriend.
One annoying loner at a time.
Hey, Eddie Eddie, we gotta talk.
Ok.
I don't blame you for being depressed.
Who said anything about being depressed? Look, I'd be depressed, you know, if I just lost my girlfriend.
I didn't lose her.
I'm just sharing her.
Look, Eddie, you can't date Nicole.
She's got a boyfriend.
"A," all right, she's with someone else and it's not right, and "b," he's gonna kick your ass.
Well, she didn't tell me about that.
I i mean, I only found out about that because I was prying where I didn't belong.
It would be unfair of me to break up with her for something I did.
Oh, my god, this girl's really got you, doesn't she? So what if she does? She's different.
She's not clingy or needy.
She can take me or leave me, charmingly indifferent.
Oh, she's like you in a bra.
She's not always in a bra.
Ed, see, that's it.
If you really have these strong feelings for her, you should tell her.
You know, you should fight for her.
Fighting is not something I do.
There's too much potential for downside.
That's right.
See? Exactly.
You never take a risk.
The best things in life are worth taking a risk over.
What do you know about risk? You had a sure thing with Claudia.
You got her pregnant.
I mean, you didn't it was easy for you.
I'm sorry you've never enjoyed the utter vacation that is teen pregnancy, ok? But we're not talking about me.
You should find someone who loves only you Who's just devoted to you.
You're right.
Right.
I know.
Good.
I'm gonna talk to her.
You should.
One of these days no, no.
Now! Now? She's down there now.
Come on.
Come on.
Ed, come on.
You'll feel better.
Sean, yelling: Eddie! There she is.
Go talk to her.
Ok.
Don't pressure me.
Remember, come on, you gotta take risks.
You don't win if you don't play.
Eye of the tiger.
That's very inspiring.
Hey, Nicole, Eddie's got something he wants to say to you.
Real subtle.
Hey, uh, look, sweet 'n low, uh Uh, we gotta talk about something.
Oh, what is it, Eddie? I need you to know that, uh My lips are very dry.
Can I borrow some of your chapstick? Oh, yeah.
Of course, hon.
Here.
It's right in my purse.
Thank you.
Good, good.
I'm glad we understand each other.
Hello Is this Lomax? Oh, it is? Boy.
Well, Lomax, um I'm calling because Why? Who am I? I'm Let's just say I'm a friend.
Uh, yeah, your buddy pal.
How's it going, buddy? Me? I'm terrific.
I'm great.
Oh Um Hey, listen.
Nicole doesn't like you anymore.
There's a new guy.
So why don't you just take whatever dignity you got left and skidoo, pal? Yeah.
No, hey, that's not my problem.
You can have a nice life now.
And that's that.
Red boot, finnerty speaking.
Ah, you star-69ed me.
That was fairly smart.
Yo, if you were to say that to my face, I'd be seperatin' your whites from your yolks, you tic tac.
Oh, you're gonna come down here? You're gonna come down here? Y-y-you're gonna come down here? C-come on.
Come on down.
Come on down.
I'll be here.
Oh, you'll know it's me, 'cause I'm I'm wearing a flannel shirt, I got red hair and a beard.
Oh, same to you.
Jimmy, check it out.
What? That web site was great.
Look how many ladies already responded to grandpa's personal ad.
No way.
Wow.
Now we just gotta pick the right one.
Oh, my god, check this one out.
Somebody put Mandy Moore's head on Pamela Anderson's naked body.
That's just something I was printing for school.
Eat the egg, Henry.
No.
Eat it.
No.
Eat it! No! Oh, come on, please eat it.
I just want to take a shower.
Go ahead.
If I go upstairs, you will throw the egg away.
Hey, where's the trust? Ok, this is ridiculous.
I'm gonna count to 3, and you are gonna eat the egg.
You can count to 8.
Ok, that's it.
Aah! Chew! Chew! Chew it! Chew.
Chew.
Chew it.
Chew it.
Chew it.
Uh-huh.
That was good! Ha ha ha! Yes, mom wins! I'm gonna take a shower.
Can I have a can of frosting? Um One! So tell me, what happened? It went great.
I'm in.
Lomax is out.
Thanks for all your help, man.
Take the night off, get some Chinese food or something.
Come on, it's too busy.
Why don't you Clean yourself up then? Change your shirt, change your beard, maybe dye your hair.
What the heck are you talkin' about? You look like crap, Sean! Grandpa, where are you going? I'm going home.
Oh, no, no, no.
You gotta stay here.
Why? Grandpa, we did something.
We took out a personal ad for you, and a woman's gonna be here any minute.
What? Let me see that.
It'll be fun.
Whoa! She's a looker.
But once she finds out I don't work at the dump, she won't want any part of me.
Grandpa, don't say that.
You're a catch.
We described you just as you are, and you already got 7 responses.
So just be yourself.
You'll be great.
And if it comes up, you own a boat.
If this works out, maybe I'll get a boat.
Look, I think that's her! All right.
Here I go.
It would be so great if this worked out! It sure would.
We could have some alone time! And your gramps'll have a girlfriend! You know what? That's a man.
Yes, it is.
How did this happen? What did you put in the ad? What do we write? I don't know.
What do the other ads say? A bunch of these guys are into discipline.
Yes.
Grandpa's into that.
He's definitely mature.
Your grandpa's way into TV.
That's practically his favorite thing on earth.
Ok.
Into TV.
I'm gonna put that first.
I don't think TV means television.
Oh! Yes, and with all that seaweed on the propeller, I thought it best to put her in dry dock for a while.
Uh-huh.
So tell me, what do you do for a living? Oh, that's a good question.
I worked at the landfill for 35 years, but they closed it down and now I got nothin'.
Oh, stop! Why, you're still young.
You're healthy.
Something better will happen for you.
Well That's very nice.
Thank you.
You're welcome, Walt.
You're a fella, aren't ya? Yes.
I don't have a boat.
You finnerty? Yeah.
You and me got a little problem.
We do? Yeah.
We got a problem you! You wanna order something or I'll order something.
I'll order you a cream of ass How 'bout that, finnerty? Wait a minute.
How do you know my name? Because I'm Lomax.
Oh, you're Lomax.
Yeah.
Well, look, man, I'm sorry about what happened Can I buy you a drink or something? No, let me buy you a drink a fist drink! What the hell are you talkin' about? Flannel shirt, beard! You just called and said you were messing around with Nicole! Hey, Eddie! Come out from behind the bar.
I'm gonna chop you up.
The first rule of bartending is you never come out from behind the bar.
What's the second rule? It involves inventory.
I don't think you'd be interested.
I'm coming over there.
Call me a tic tac? Hey, lo, lo, Lomax! Come on.
Who are you? I'm Edwin finnerty.
I'm the one who called you.
I'm the one who's with Nicole.
You? With Nicole? Yeah, right.
Him I could believe.
He's a little bit more of a man.
Ho, ho, ho, wait.
I'm plenty of a man.
Why don't you just ask your girlfriend? Nice try, fruit fly, ok? Fruit fly? This is getting insulting, huh? Hey, hey! Come on, come on! Lomax! What Oh, for the love of Pete, break it up! Hey! I'm all right! I'm all right! God, you're strong.
Lomax, go home! Now! Don't say it! Don't i know.
We gotta talk.
I'm sorry about Lomax, Eddie.
I don't know how he found out about you.
I do.
I i mean, I called him up and I threatened him.
What? It's gotta be either me or Lomax.
It can't be both.
Why do I have to choose, sugar? I need more.
I need more than You know, I just I don't know, I need what do you call a relationship.
But things are good.
We can hang out, have laughs, casual sex.
Nah.
I don't think so.
It doesn't feel casual anymore.
I'm sorry.
Wow, Eddie I can't believe you're so sensitive.
I know.
Join the club.
Eddie.
How ya feeling? Crappy.
But a good kinda crappy, right? Oh, fantastic kinda crappy.
As your older brother, I know this might a little condescending, but The fact that you're feeling bad, you know, shows a little maturity and a little growth.
You're right, Sean.
That does sound condescending.
But thanks.
Any time, bro.
Ow.
We're never gonna be alone, are we? Some day.
When we graduate in 2 years.
Oh, god.
Hey, you know, we just got a new refrigerator.
So? So Let's go hang out in the empty box.
Brad, I'm not gonna have ultimate togetherness with you in a box.
No, Lily.
I don't care about ultimate togetherness.
You don't? Uh, n-no, I do, but I mean I just want togetherness, you know? Regular togetherness.
You do? Yes.
Ok.
Let's go check out the box.
Lily, you know, there are many guys that would get very angry if their granddaughters fixed them up with cross-dressers.
Oh, I know.
I'm sorry, grandpa It's ok.
I know you were doing it out of the goodness of your heart.
Actually, it was more of a selfish thing Please let me keep a small shred of dignity here.
Ok.
Anyway, I made a new friend.
This afternoon I'm meetin' Carla down at the otb.
That's great! You're sure otb is off-track betting? Oh, lord, I hope so.