iCarly s03e13 Episode Script

Bad, bad tuna! Bad, bad tuna! Bad! And that's the proper way to spank a tuna fish.
Okay, and now to prove iCarly can be educational.
Let's bring out 4 kindergartners who live here in Carly's building.
Yeah.
Woo, hi.
Hello, children.
It's time to learn about our nation's monuments.
So, let's take a look at Whoa! Baa! Aah! Now, how about a hand for those little kids we just emotionally scarred.
Whoo! Yeah.
Okay, that's about it for this iCarly.
Except Oh, yeah.
Do you guys remember Wade Collins? That obnoxious hob-knocker from America sings? One might call him hob-noxious.
Oh, Carly.
Anyway, you guys remember that music video, Freddie directed for him? Tell our fans the big news, Fredenstein.
According to pear tunes, the Wade Collins music video we made is the number three most downloaded video of the year.
And that deserves one of these.
We still hate that guy.
He be hobbin' and knockin'.
But we're very proud of Freddie for directing and editing the video.
Carly and Sam helped a lot.
There's no way I coulda gotten it all done.
Aah! Stop, please.
Hey, quit.
That's not patriotic.
Carly, Sam, I'm the statue of Gibberty.
Where's the respect? Aah, aah, stop.
Kids.
They're gonna sleep good tonight.
In 5432 I know, you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one and the time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give it your best and leave the rest to me leave it all to me leave it all to me just leave it all to me Whatcha watchin'? Our Wade Collins music video.
Man, I can't believe that thing's still in the top 20.
We did a good a job with that Fudge bag.
Hey, what's the most downloaded video of all time? Um, let's see.
Oh yeah, ginger fox: Hate me, love me.
Mm-hmm, I love that song.
Yeah, ginger was good.
Yeah, till her career went in the toilet.
Remember that insane video of her last year? Yeah, wait.
Hang on.
Um, oh, here it is.
Ginger, what are you doing? Washing my hair.
That's not even shampoo, that's blue cheese dressing.
Oh.
Get out of my bathroom! That chick's a disaster.
Carly, where's Carly? Groovy smoothie.
Ooh, text her and tell her to bring me a corn dog.
They don't sell corn dogs.
I know, she'll be so confused.
Anyway, so get this, I was just at "hey food," buying groceries, and as I'm coming out, I meet this woman, this like totally super hot woman wearing a sweater.
So I start flirtin' her up, right? Sure.
Then I say, "yo, let's go grab a donut.
" And she goes, "m'kay.
" So I took her to that religious donut shop around the corner.
Holy-o's? No, amazing glaze.
Anyway, it turns out she's really fun and cool and single and female and she's coming here to have dinner with me tomorrow night.
Oh! Nice.
Tchyaaa.
So where are the groceries? You left them at the donut shop? No.
Where ya goin'? To the donut shop.
Roll over, roll over.
Roll over! Ginger, you need to go out there and rehearse.
You haven't had a hit song in three years.
So, neither have you.
You know, there are plates and spoons right there.
I don't need to rehearse.
Do you know how many people watch the pop music awards? Rabbit, sit.
You've got to be amazing to make a comeback really happen.
Uh, but I think I'm the biggest pop star like ever.
Were, you were.
AAA! And you can be again, if you'll please, just get out there and do what the director tells you.
I fired the director.
Just go-- you what? He kept telling me what to do.
'Cause he's the director.
Not anymore.
Look at that.
What, the Wade Collins video? What about it? Get me the dude who directed that.
Look, we can't just change directors in the middle of-- get me the director who did that video! Okay, okay.
You stay! Special seasoning.
Oh, all right, just tell me what is wrong with you? What do you mean? You're handsome, you're funny, you're smart, and you can cook.
Don't forget about my very special socks.
Wheew.
You don't see that on most men, do you? Can't say I do.
Oh, you're doing it again.
What? Staring at me.
I'm sorry, I didn't-- it's just something about you looks very familiar to me.
You're sure we've never met before? Not before yesterday, no.
Huh, it's so weird 'cause when I look in your face, it's like I can see-- Excuse me, one sec.
I'm comin'.
Oh, hey guys.
'Sup? Carly here? Nah, she and Sam went to build-a-bra.
They're always kickin' me out of that place.
Yeah.
Uh, can Gibby and I run upstairs real quick and install this? Sure, but make it fast.
I got a hot one in the kitchen.
Ooo.
No worries.
Gibby? Mom? Oh, my God.
Hey, there.
I'm home from school.
Oh, hey.
Whatcha doin'? Watching TV.
Well, then, maybe you oughta turn it on.
You're mocking my pain? What's the matter? What's-- I have a crush on Gibby's mom.
Okay, I still don't get why that's such a big problem.
'Cause when I look at her now, all I see is Gibby's face, Gibby's eyes, Gibby's nose, Gibby's lips.
Oh, I can't kiss Gibby lips.
Okay, why don't you just-- [Doorbell rings.]
--Try to relax.
Hi.
Hi, I'm Leslie Grant.
You're Carly shay? Yeah, um? I'm ginger fox's manager.
Ginger fox, like, the ginger fox? Yeah, I had an appointment with you here.
I talked to some guy named Spencer.
Oh, yeah, ginger fox's manager called.
He's coming over here to meet you.
Oh, Gibby lips.
Where is she? I'm sick of waitin' for this chick.
Let's bail.
No.
We're not gonna pass up a chance to work with ginger fox.
She's a huge star.
She was, till she hopped on the psycho train and crashed into has-been island.
Technically, you can't take a train to an island.
See, they're surrounded by water, so there's no-- dude.
I'll shut up.
Look, ginger's manager said that she's gotten some, you know, mental help, and now she's ready to make a big comeback.
All dancers to stage.
Hi, sorry to keep you guys waiting.
I had some trouble getting ginger out of her dressing room.
Is that blood on your face? Yeah, ginger stabbed me with a fork.
Here we go.
Ginger, this is-- where did ginger go? Um, she's over there, using the bathroom.
There's a bathroom back there? No.
Oh, there she is.
Wow.
Gross.
Come, meet some friends.
Who are they? These are the people who made that video you liked? Oh, hamster in my pasta? No, the Wade Collins music video.
And they're gonna help you do an amazing performance on the PMAs.
Oh, we haven't agreed to that yet.
Yes, we have.
Um, aren't the PMAs in like five days? Are we gonna have enough time? It's cool.
The last director already had a basic routine worked out.
Here.
Larry, cue the song from the top.
You got it.
Ginger, why don't you and the other guys show 'em what you got so far, huh? Okay.
Oww! Aah! God, be careful.
Aah.
Ginger, ginger.
Kill the song.
Ouch, what?! You're doing the wrong moves.
No, no, don't throw it.
Don't.
Owww! There's a fork in my shoulder.
All right, who gave ginger another fork? This is a mess.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Ew, it's really stuck in there.
Just move.
Wait, no, no, no.
Sam, Sam, don't! Aah.
Look, I'm really sorry about that.
Ginger can be a little-- hey, backstage Hollywood is ready to talk to you.
Good.
I'll be back in a sec, don't leave.
Can you believe that six years ago buzz magazine named her "sexiest woman alive?" Man, I gotta go hack this up.
That's pretty sexy.
Here they are, right here.
What's this about? What do you-- what'd you gonna-- I'm here with the iCarly crew, the creative masterminds behind, what could be, ginger fox's comeback performance at Friday night's pop music awards.
No, that's wrong and-- there's been a little bit of a mix-up, we're not-- what inspired you to hire the iCarly team to revive ginger's career? Well, ginger's a big fan of iCarly.
So it just seemed like a perfect fit.
This isn't live, is it? Is this live? Yes.
Well, I know the whole world will be watching to see if ginger fox still has that superstar magic.
Well, whatever happens, it'll be 'cause of these guys.
Senor, that's-- please listen to-- I'm Jessica Warner for backstage Hollywood.
If we could just have-- bye kids.
That's a AP.
I'm having such a nice time.
Yeah, that's so good.
You know, I was worried.
What about? That you were never gonna call me again.
Oh, well, why wouldn't I? 'Cause you seemed a little weirded out when you found out I was Gibby's mom.
Oh, well, not really, no.
I mean, Gibby's a great kid and you're his nice mom.
It's not a thing.
Good.
So, isn't there something you would rather do than watch the movie? Aah! What's wrong? Nothing, nothing.
I just-- I saw a spider in your hair.
There, it's dead.
Maybe we should watch a part of Aah! Now, what's wrong? Gibby lips.
I found her.
Oh, finalmente.
Finally.
Oh, 'bout time.
She was supposed to be here four hours ago.
You said 2:00.
It's 6:00.
Well, I didn't know if you meant o'clock A.
M.
Or o'clock P.
M.
You're oh-mazingly stupid.
What did she say? I'll leave you guys to it.
Good luck.
Calcetin.
Thank you.
Great.
Okay, people, let's rehearse this.
Can we get a wireless Mike on her, please? On it.
Okay, ginger, to start, we're just gonna rehearse your vocals.
Uh, dancers, you dance.
Everybody, ready? Ready.
Nice.
Cue the track! Track's up.
Hello, is everybody watchin'? before, I get the party blah, blah you know, you wanna be invited step right up and dah d'dah dah dah-- I'm a something kill the track! Listen, I'm not gonna be able to sing that good while I'm dancing, you know.
Right.
Yeah, we wouldn't expect that.
Excuse me.
Ginger, hi.
Your ex-husband dropped off your baby.
Oh, hi, baby.
Hi, baby.
Someone take this.
Spencer, I know you're home.
Spencer.
Hi.
Okay, you've ignored my phone calls, my e-mails, my text messages.
I can't do this.
Why? It's not you, it's your face.
Well.
You look too much like your son.
I can't kiss a woman when all I see is a bunch of Gibby.
I've known Carly for three years.
She's been over to our house, I've given her rides home from school.
So? So, you two look alike.
And if I can handle kissing a man who looks like his little sister, you should be able to handle kissing me, even if I look like my son.
Well, I can give it a try.
I don't see Gibby.
Wanna kiss again? Aah! What?! What's wrong? You look like Carly.
Ya-aah! Why did you scream? You looked like Gibby.
Aah! Aah! Aah! I'm sitting here without your love I'm in love, I'm in love how could ginger fox have seemed so awesome seven years ago? She was young then.
Now, she's all 26 and old.
And even back then, it wasn't real.
Just editing, audio voice filters.
Well, in two days, she has to appear live, and the whole world knows we're responsible for her performance.
She can lip-sync the song.
And how does that help the fact that she dances like a diseased elephant? Argh, I'm so mean.
Do you see what pressure does to me? It brings out my mean.
All right, let's think.
We have a talentless woman who can't sing, can't dance, and looks terrible.
Ooh, this thinkin's fun.
Lip-syncing fixes the singing issue.
And I guess, hair, makeup, costumes, lighting, and no close-ups can make her look less disgusting.
Little creative choreography? I don't know.
How did we get stuck in all this ginger fox chiz anyway? Oh, it's not that bad.
Then you change her baby this time.
Careful, he's a distance pee-Er.
Up next, ginger fox.
You guys ready to put ginger back on top? No.
Not really.
Huh? Ginger has zero talent.
I know.
That's why I made this your responsibility.
If she fails, she blames you iCarly people, not me.
Don't you think that's kind of slimy? Uh, I'm in the music business.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome three-time platinum selling artist and two-time PMA winner: Ginger fox.
Here we go.
Fingers crossed.
Can I get a sandwich? Let's get this started hello is everybody watchin'? before I get the party started you know you wanna be invited she looks okay, from a distance.
Feel the groove when we move I'm the center get it right every night like I meant to when it all goes down you're gonna love me you're gonna tell me that you're ready to go why did you tell me look up in the air 'cause I'm the star of the show.
I'm number one baby always number one baby so forget what you heard this is my world this is working.
Just keep your fingers crossed.
Go wide, camera seven.
That's too much light! We can see her face! More smoke.
Thank you.
I gotta say, this isn't half bad.
Except her lip-syncing is pretty off.
It doesn't even look like she's singing the right song.
Go wide again, camera seven.
Hurry, and more smoke.
And where's my sandwich? Why's the audience cheering her? She's just marching around the stage like an idiot.
Did she shave under her arms? I don't think she shaved under her arms.
What girl doesn't shave her underarms? Unbelievable.
Okay, you just saw a replay of the ginger fox live performance from earlier tonight.
And as you can hear from this crowd, ginger is a hit, yet again.
Ginger fox has no talent.
She can't do anything.
Maybe, it's best they don't know.
I feel like I kissed Gibby.
Here comes ginger fox, right now.
Aah! Has anybody seen my baby? His name is Brian.
It's Billy.
His name is Billy.
Oh, ginger.