Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e13 Episode Script
Jokers Playhouse
narrator: Coming up Why are sal and q hitting the bottle? Why are sal and q hitting the bottle? ah! Aaah! Bottle? ah! Aaah! [ laughs .]
ah! Aaah! [ laughs .]
narrator: Will murr finally [ laughs .]
narrator: Will murr finally step up to the plate? narrator: Will murr finally step up to the plate? how do I get to first base? Step up to the plate? how do I get to first base? It's normally up here.
how do I get to first base? It's normally up here.
[ laughter .]
It's normally up here.
[ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker [ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker will have to clean house after narrator: And which joker will have to clean house after tonight's punishment? Will have to clean house after tonight's punishment? [ distorted voice .]
ha ha! Tonight's punishment? [ distorted voice .]
ha ha! [ all cheer .]
[ distorted voice .]
ha ha! [ all cheer .]
prepare for something [ all cheer .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today, we are giving personality tests to strangers.
However, the person really being Personality tests to strangers.
However, the person really being tested is us.
However, the person really being tested is us.
while giving the survey, the Tested is us.
while giving the survey, the other guys will be behind this while giving the survey, the other guys will be behind this glass wall, which becomes Other guys will be behind this glass wall, which becomes see-through at the flip of a Glass wall, which becomes see-through at the flip of a switch.
the goal is not to laugh.
And when that glass becomes And when that glass becomes see-through, anything goes.
See-through, anything goes.
[ no audio .]
[ no audio .]
[ laughter .]
I'm fascinated by the glass.
when we thought of this bit, when we thought of this bit, we had no idea this technology We had no idea this technology existed.
Existed.
is that, like, ions? is that, like, ions? Is that negatively charged ions? Is that negatively charged ions? I think it's magic.
I think it's magic.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
hello.
Hi.
hello.
Hi.
elizabeth.
elizabeth.
elizabeth.
elizabeth.
yeah.
elizabeth.
yeah.
oh, please, have a seat, yeah.
oh, please, have a seat, elizabeth.
oh, please, have a seat, elizabeth.
How are you today? Elizabeth.
How are you today? good.
How are you today? good.
so, I'll just be asking you good.
so, I'll just be asking you questions.
so, I'll just be asking you questions.
let's go.
Questions.
let's go.
[ chuckles .]
let's go.
[ chuckles .]
where are you from? [ chuckles .]
where are you from? I grew up in st.
Louis.
where are you from? I grew up in st.
Louis.
you live in new york city? I grew up in st.
Louis.
you live in new york city? yeah, so I'm based here now.
you live in new york city? yeah, so I'm based here now.
so, tell me about your daily yeah, so I'm based here now.
so, tell me about your daily eating habits.
they've gotten better.
I used to eat more junk food, I used to eat more junk food, but I'm But I'm yeah.
yeah.
[ breathing deeply .]
[ breathing deeply .]
you go -- you shop in the you go -- you shop in the same place every week? Same place every week? yeah, I go -- I have this -- yeah, I go -- I have this -- I like italian at this one I like italian at this one place.
Place.
[ traditional music plays .]
that's just namaste.
What sort of -- what What sort of -- what social-media sites are you a Social-media sites are you a member of? Member of? twitter, facebook.
twitter, facebook.
do you have cable? do you have cable? I do.
I do.
how long have you had cable how long have you had cable for? For? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
um, gosh.
um, gosh.
Since, like, college.
Since, like, college.
So I always had a cable internet So I always had a cable internet connection.
Connection.
I'm a techie, so, like, I I'm a techie, so, like, I hook -- instead of having, like, Hook -- instead of having, like, cable Cable oh, my god! oh, my god! ah! ah! oh, my god! oh, my god! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
sorry.
Do you prefer to shop Sorry.
Do you prefer to shop alone or with someone? Alone or with someone? Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't turn around.
Don't.
Don't turn around.
Don't.
like, shopping trip like, shopping trip sometimes.
Sometimes.
Oh! Oh! sorry.
There's a fly.
sorry.
There's a fly.
oh.
oh.
there's -- a bug got in here.
there's -- a bug got in here.
okay.
okay.
it looked like it was gonna it looked like it was gonna land on your head.
Land on your head.
I didn't I didn't okay.
[ laughs .]
okay.
[ laughs .]
wow! wow! yeah, I prefer to shop alone.
yeah, I prefer to shop alone.
things are getting real in things are getting real in here.
Here.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all right, you guys are up.
all right, you guys are up.
so, luxury brands.
so, luxury brands.
so, I had a wallet before so, I had a wallet before this one, and then, once I had This one, and then, once I had that one for five years, then I That one for five years, then I got a new one.
Got a new one.
right.
right.
so I kind of like stick with so I kind of like stick with it.
It.
okay.
okay.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
do your friends use it? do your friends use it? [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
do -- I mean, not, like, do -- I mean, not, like, often, like, I guess, Often, like, I guess, economically speaking, they Economically speaking, they don't have the same, I guess, Don't have the same, I guess, income resources as I do.
Income resources as I do.
So I think they would love to if So I think they would love to if they could afford it.
They could afford it.
movies -- we didn't talk movies -- we didn't talk about movies yet, right? About movies yet, right? Thank god.
Thank god.
[ laughing .]
how did you not [ laughing .]
how did you not laugh? Laugh? okay, how often do you go to okay, how often do you go to the movies? The movies? it's usually, I mean, twice a it's usually, I mean, twice a month Month [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's -- it's godzilla! it's -- it's godzilla! Or as much as once a week.
Or as much as once a week.
oh, my god! oh, my god! aaah! aaah! uh.
uh.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what's the last movie you saw? What's the last movie you saw? [ laughter and applause .]
[ laughter and applause .]
aaaah! aaaah! "wolf of wall street.
" "wolf of wall street.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughing .]
he's laughing.
he's laughing.
ah! ah! [ knuckles crack .]
[ knuckles crack .]
hi.
I'm james murray.
hi.
I'm james murray.
How are you? How are you? Have a seat, please.
Have a seat, please.
murr, welcome to your worst murr, welcome to your worst nightmare.
Nightmare.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay.
First, some general okay.
First, some general questions -- when you eat on Questions -- when you eat on vacation, do you keep to your Vacation, do you keep to your diet that you may have at home? Diet that you may have at home? no.
no.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
you don't? you don't? it's murr the puppet.
it's murr the puppet.
It's a "murr-pet.
" It's a "murr-pet.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
a puppet! A puppet! are you a member of a gym at are you a member of a gym at all? All? no.
no.
he wishes it was a real boy.
he wishes it was a real boy.
Oh, look.
Oh, look.
no, it's not in my budget.
no, it's not in my budget.
it's a fairy godmother.
it's a fairy godmother.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
ding! Ding! I don't need a gym to do.
I don't need a gym to do.
tell me about what your tell me about what your exercise routine was or would Exercise routine was or would be.
Be.
oh, look, it's a murr.
oh, look, it's a murr.
I just I just same pencil neck.
same pencil neck.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
same hairline.
Same hairline.
same hairline.
same hairline.
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
That's what murr would look like That's what murr would look like if he grew a mullet.
If he grew a mullet.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
and and [ speaking indistinctly .]
[ speaking indistinctly .]
tell me what -- what tell me what -- what motivates you on vacation? Motivates you on vacation? the relaxation.
the relaxation.
relaxation's number 1? relaxation's number 1? yeah.
yeah.
hey, just two friends hanging hey, just two friends hanging out.
Out.
Love you, man.
Love you.
Love you, man.
Love you.
exploring.
exploring.
no, don't get -- no, you're no, don't get -- no, you're friends.
Friends.
Don't fight.
Don't fight.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ohh! ohh! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
sal really got jacked! Sal really got jacked! so, tell me -- so, tell me -- tell me about -- Tell me about -- tell me about -- have you ever Tell me about -- have you ever taken a cruise before? Taken a cruise before? no.
no.
ow! Ow, ow, ow! ow! Ow, ow, ow! It really hurts! It really hurts! you've never been on a you've never been on a cruise? Cruise? [ chuckling .]
no.
[ chuckling .]
no.
no? Okay.
no? Okay.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
why are you laughing so much? why are you laughing so much? no.
[ chuckles .]
no.
[ chuckles .]
dude.
dude.
that felt weird to do.
that felt weird to do.
that was weird.
that was weird.
it felt weird to do.
it felt weird to do.
it looked weird to do.
it looked weird to do.
All right, let me give it a All right, let me give it a shot.
Shot.
you're up, buddy.
you're up, buddy.
let's switch topics a little let's switch topics a little bit.
Bit.
Tell me about your daily Tell me about your daily routines.
Routines.
Take me through a typical Take me through a typical Saturday.
Saturday.
okay.
I try to do as little okay.
I try to do as little as [chuckling.]
humanly As [chuckling.]
humanly possible Possible [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
And just sleep more.
And just sleep more.
I prepare all my meals, usually.
I prepare all my meals, usually.
I don'tBuy food from outside.
I don'tBuy food from outside.
And I might meet up with my And I might meet up with my friends.
Friends.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
uh-huh.
What do you do on a uh-huh.
What do you do on a typical Saturday night? Typical Saturday night? usually, go drinking or stay usually, go drinking or stay home.
Home.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what was that? what was that? doughnuts? doughnuts? doughnuts? doughnuts? oh, my god! It's doughnuts! oh, my god! It's doughnuts! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
look at his face.
look at his face.
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
there he goes.
there he goes.
That's a laugh.
That's a laugh.
oh, my god! It's doughnuts! oh, my god! It's doughnuts! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
wow.
Murr.
wow.
Murr.
You got him again.
You got him again.
hey, sal, this is what the hey, sal, this is what the kids call a walk in the park.
Kids call a walk in the park.
We have to get you to laugh.
We have to get you to laugh.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you guys all talk a good you guys all talk a good game.
Game.
You all keep talking this good You all keep talking this good game.
Game.
all right.
all right.
you watch.
you watch.
Look at me.
Ready? Look at me.
Ready? yeah.
yeah.
watch this.
watch this.
ooh.
ooh.
ohh.
ohh.
all right.
all right.
ohh! ohh! fart noise.
fart noise.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I didn't even make the I didn't even make the fart noise -- I said the words Fart noise -- I said the words "fart noise.
" "fart noise.
" that's what was funny about that's what was funny about it.
It.
Hey, how are you, bud? Hey, how are you, bud? What's going on? What's going on? My name's sal.
My name's sal.
Zachary? Pleasure to meet you.
Zachary? Pleasure to meet you.
let me go help this guy.
let me go help this guy.
yeah, go get him, tiger.
yeah, go get him, tiger.
how often do you feel the how often do you feel the need to update your software and Need to update your software and things like that kind of stuff? Things like that kind of stuff? I mean, I have a laptop, but I mean, I have a laptop, but I really don't use it anymore I really don't use it anymore because of the new technology Because of the new technology right.
right.
Like the smartphones and Like the smartphones and things like that.
Things like that.
It's just It's just as far as -- sorry.
as far as -- sorry.
I'm trying to think, 'cause we I'm trying to think, 'cause we go through all the things you Go through all the things you ever got.
Ever got.
oh, it's not over yet, buddy.
oh, it's not over yet, buddy.
This is gonna haunt your dreams, This is gonna haunt your dreams, my friend.
My friend.
talk to me about your talk to me about your opinions on the subway system.
Opinions on the subway system.
depending on public depending on public transportation, as far as -- Transportation, as far as -- there's a lot of idiotic people There's a lot of idiotic people that's on the train that do That's on the train that do stupid things just to hold the Stupid things just to hold the train door, so Train door, so [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
For no reason at all.
For no reason at all.
They have nothing better to do They have nothing better to do or anywhere -- anywhere else to Or anywhere -- anywhere else to go.
Go.
oh, my god! oh, my god! I know.
I know.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ohh! ohh! they do have good plans for they do have good plans for public transportation and a Public transportation and a good Good oh, my god! oh, my god! Someone's system sucks.
Someone's system sucks.
yeah, the train is horrible.
yeah, the train is horrible.
the train is awful.
the train is awful.
yeah, as far as getting yeah, as far as getting around to the, like, different Around to the, like, different boroughs.
Boroughs.
I'm next.
I'm next.
Let's see what I got up my Let's see what I got up my sleeve.
Sleeve.
just please elaborate on just please elaborate on q has guaranteed us that he's q has guaranteed us that he's got this.
Got this.
I trust him.
I trust him.
he's got it.
he's got it.
he's got it.
he's got it.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
do you online bank? do you online bank? yes, I do.
yes, I do.
okay.
okay.
[ tuba plays [ tuba plays wagner's "bridal chorus" .]
Wagner's "bridal chorus" .]
[ laughing .]
[ laughing .]
[ laughter and applause .]
[ laughter and applause .]
it's your father it's your father Marrying q! Marrying q! he's not giving him away.
he's not giving him away.
ah! ah! [ laughing continues .]
[ laughing continues .]
you may now kiss the bride.
you may now kiss the bride.
[ laughing continues .]
[ laughing continues .]
oh, we're done.
Oh, we're done.
We're done here.
We're done here.
We're done here.
We're done here.
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter and applause .]
[ laughter and applause .]
all right, joey, you're up.
all right, joey, you're up.
How do you feel out there? How do you feel out there? stone cold killa.
stone cold killa.
no way.
no way.
look at him.
Look at that.
look at him.
Look at that.
pleased to meet you.
pleased to meet you.
Have a seat, my friend.
Have a seat, my friend.
let's go turn the screws on let's go turn the screws on this, huh? This, huh? [ earpiece clatters .]
[ earpiece clatters .]
tell me about a typical movie tell me about a typical movie experience for you.
Experience for you.
Do you buy the tickets online? Do you buy the tickets online? oh, no, I buy the tickets at oh, no, I buy the tickets at the machine.
The machine.
at the machine? at the machine? yeah.
yeah.
okay.
Wow.
All right.
okay.
Wow.
All right.
Do you ever go to the ymca? Do you ever go to the ymca? no.
no.
no.
You don't go to the ymca? no.
You don't go to the ymca? Okay.
Um.
[ chuckles .]
Okay.
Um.
[ chuckles .]
uh.
Uh.
Would you consider yourself Would you consider yourself accepting any friends? Accepting any friends? Let's say you have three best Let's say you have three best friends, and other people might Friends, and other people might think they're, you know [bleep.]
Think they're, you know [bleep.]
but they're your friends.
But they're your friends.
yeah.
yeah.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
when you have a group party, when you have a group party, are you likely or not likely to Are you likely or not likely to bring out a board game? Bring out a board game? depends on the party.
depends on the party.
If it's, like, during the day, If it's, like, during the day, during a snowstorm During a snowstorm [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
like, "oh, this doctor's like, "oh, this doctor's like" Like" oh, my god.
oh, my god.
it's a cute old lady.
it's a cute old lady.
look at joe's curious, look at joe's curious, confused face.
Confused face.
oh.
oh.
oh, what's gonna happen to oh, what's gonna happen to her? Her? what's gonna happen? what's gonna happen? okay.
Do you -- do you okay.
Do you -- do you calorie-count? Calorie-count? [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ah, ah.
Ah, ah.
Joe! Joe! oh, don't do it.
oh, don't do it.
oh! oh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! ah! ah! [ laughter and applause .]
[ laughter and applause .]
oh, my god! oh, my god! Yes! Yes! [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
oh.
There you go.
oh.
There you go.
oh, my god! oh, my god! yes! yes! I did not see that coming.
I did not see that coming.
ah! ah! this is just insane.
this is just insane.
yes! yes! you got to give it to them.
you got to give it to them.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you got to give it to them, man.
[ ding! .]
You got to give it to them, man.
[ ding! .]
q, murr, and sal are all [ ding! .]
q, murr, and sal are all laughers, making them all Q, murr, and sal are all laughers, making them all losers.
Laughers, making them all losers.
today, we'll be stopping Losers.
today, we'll be stopping strangers and starting a today, we'll be stopping strangers and starting a conversation with a single word.
Strangers and starting a conversation with a single word.
but that word is gonna be Conversation with a single word.
but that word is gonna be given to us by the other guys.
but that word is gonna be given to us by the other guys.
and that word won't make Given to us by the other guys.
and that word won't make sense until we're given the and that word won't make sense until we're given the explanation afterward.
the goal is to follow through with the surprise explanation.
With the surprise explanation.
If you can't, you lose, and I If you can't, you lose, and I don't know what this is.
Don't know what this is.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's a ponytail.
it's a ponytail.
I'm trying something new, all I'm trying something new, all right? Right? you know what I often think you know what I often think about, boys? About, boys? doughnuts? doughnuts? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you guys know me.
you guys know me.
[ chuckles .]
excuse me.
[ chuckles .]
excuse me.
"sexy?" "sexy?" sexy? sexy? "that's my nickname for my "that's my nickname for my sister.
" ohh.
Sister.
" ohh.
[ laughter .]
ohh.
[ laughter .]
that, uh, that's the nickname [ laughter .]
that, uh, that's the nickname I call my sister.
that, uh, that's the nickname I call my sister.
[ laughter .]
I call my sister.
[ laughter .]
you know what I'm saying? [ laughter .]
you know what I'm saying? She got an ass that won't quit.
You know what I'm saying? She got an ass that won't quit.
I'm just saying.
She got an ass that won't quit.
I'm just saying.
ohh! I'm just saying.
ohh! all day with it.
ohh! all day with it.
[ laughter .]
all day with it.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
"ozone?" Excuse me.
"ozone?" ozone? "ozone?" ozone? "oh, I'm sorry.
ozone? "oh, I'm sorry.
I meant, 'I want to touch you in "oh, I'm sorry.
I meant, 'I want to touch you in your boy zone.
'" I meant, 'I want to touch you in your boy zone.
'" [ laughing .]
oh, no.
Your boy zone.
'" [ laughing .]
oh, no.
that went over my head.
[ laughing .]
oh, no.
that went over my head.
[ laughter .]
that went over my head.
[ laughter .]
I'm sorry.
[ laughter .]
I'm sorry.
I meant to say I'm sorry.
I meant to say oh? I meant to say oh? I meant to say, "I want to oh? I meant to say, "I want to touch you in your boy zone.
" I meant to say, "I want to touch you in your boy zone.
" [ laughter .]
Touch you in your boy zone.
" [ laughter .]
and you would say [ laughter .]
and you would say I would probably kill you.
And you would say I would probably kill you.
you would probably kill me.
I would probably kill you.
you would probably kill me.
All right.
Good.
you would probably kill me.
All right.
Good.
[ laughter .]
All right.
Good.
[ laughter .]
where is this going? [ laughter .]
where is this going? I think we're done with it.
where is this going? I think we're done with it.
[ laughter .]
I think we're done with it.
[ laughter .]
you got a good day.
[ laughter .]
you got a good day.
there you go.
You got a good day.
there you go.
Have a good day.
there you go.
Have a good day.
take care, buddy.
Have a good day.
take care, buddy.
Take care of yourself.
take care, buddy.
Take care of yourself.
[ laughter .]
Take care of yourself.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
all right, you ready, [ ding! .]
all right, you ready, my little pony? oh, thank you.
Thank you.
She complimented my ponytail.
She complimented my ponytail.
they didn't say anything.
they didn't say anything.
thank you, guys.
thank you, guys.
Thanks for the compliment on my Thanks for the compliment on my ponytail.
Ponytail.
you know, I haven't heard one you know, I haven't heard one person.
Person.
you like the ponytail? you like the ponytail? Thank you, sir! Thank you, sir! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
"ponytail.
" Excuse me.
"ponytail.
" ponytail.
"ponytail.
" ponytail.
"look at this [bleep.]
stupid ponytail.
"look at this [bleep.]
stupid ponytail.
" "look at this [bleep.]
stupid ponytail.
" [ laughter .]
Ponytail.
" [ laughter .]
look at this [bleep.]
stupid [ laughter .]
look at this [bleep.]
stupid ponytail.
look at this [bleep.]
stupid ponytail.
yeah, there you go! Ponytail.
yeah, there you go! I heard that one.
yeah, there you go! I heard that one.
[ laughter .]
I heard that one.
[ laughter .]
excuse me one second.
Um.
[ laughter .]
excuse me one second.
Um.
"baby.
" excuse me one second.
Um.
"baby.
" "baby.
" "baby.
" "baby.
" "baby.
" "baby.
" "baby.
" baby.
"baby.
" baby.
"that's what I'm gonna put baby.
"that's what I'm gonna put into you.
" "that's what I'm gonna put into you.
" that's what I'm -- Into you.
" that's what I'm -- [ laughter .]
that's what I'm -- [ laughter .]
baby -- that's what I'm gonna [ laughter .]
baby -- that's what I'm gonna put in you, huh? oh, my god! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
got it.
[ ding! .]
got it.
[ ding! .]
thank you.
Thank you.
[ ding! .]
thank you.
Thank you.
[ laughs .]
thank you.
Thank you.
[ laughs .]
another compliment on my [ laughs .]
another compliment on my ponytail, boys.
another compliment on my ponytail, boys.
yeah.
No one has said, Ponytail, boys.
yeah.
No one has said, "nice ponytail.
" yeah.
No one has said, "nice ponytail.
" I've heard "nice ponytail" "nice ponytail.
" I've heard "nice ponytail" three times.
I've heard "nice ponytail" three times.
you look out of touch, man.
Three times.
you look out of touch, man.
[ laughs .]
excuse me.
"directions?" "directions?" directions? Um.
directions? Um.
"how do I get to first base?" "how do I get to first base?" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
how do -- how do I get to how do -- how do I get to first base? First base? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what do you mean? I can't find my way.
what do you mean? I can't find my way.
I keep -- I keep making the I can't find my way.
I keep -- I keep making the wrong turns.
I keep -- I keep making the wrong turns.
[ laughter .]
Wrong turns.
[ laughter .]
to first base? [ laughter .]
to first base? yeah.
to first base? yeah.
[ chuckling .]
I don't know yeah.
[ chuckling .]
I don't know where first base is.
[ chuckling .]
I don't know where first base is.
it's normally up here.
Where first base is.
it's normally up here.
[ laughter .]
it's normally up here.
[ laughter .]
yeah.
The -- the -- the -- [ laughter .]
yeah.
The -- the -- the -- the -- the -- the tea-- Yeah.
The -- the -- the -- the -- the -- the tea-- the teats.
The -- the -- the tea-- the teats.
[ laughing .]
the teats.
The teats.
[ laughing .]
the teats.
I think I just figured out [ laughing .]
the teats.
I think I just figured out why you can't get there -- I think I just figured out why you can't get there -- you're calling them "teats.
" Why you can't get there -- you're calling them "teats.
" I feel so bad for his future You're calling them "teats.
" I feel so bad for his future son when they're gonna have that I feel so bad for his future son when they're gonna have that talk.
Son when they're gonna have that talk.
[ laughter .]
all right, man.
Thanks so much, man.
You, too.
Thanks so much, man.
You, too.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he's walking away shaking his head.
He's walking away shaking his head.
[ laughter .]
Head.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
"three.
" excuse me.
"three.
" three.
"three.
" three.
"you two plus me.
" three.
"you two plus me.
" [ laughter .]
"you two plus me.
" [ laughter .]
you two plus me [ laughter .]
you two plus me Is three.
you two plus me Is three.
[ laughter .]
Is three.
[ laughter .]
we doing this or what? [ laughter .]
we doing this or what? No? We doing this or what? No? Is it -- No? Is it -- is it me, or is it him? Is it -- is it me, or is it him? [ laughter .]
Is it me, or is it him? [ laughter .]
it's me.
[ laughter .]
it's me.
it's you.
Okay.
it's me.
it's you.
Okay.
I had to ask.
it's you.
Okay.
I had to ask.
Okay.
I had to ask.
Okay.
[ laughter .]
Okay.
[ laughter .]
these two guys.
[ laughter .]
these two guys.
"you.
" you.
You, you, you, you, you, you, you.
You, you, you.
"suck it.
" "suck it.
" so what, man? so what, man? [ laughter .]
Are awesome.
Have a great day.
[ laughter and applause .]
Have a great day.
[ laughter and applause .]
come on.
[ laughter and applause .]
come on.
two words -- one thumbs-down.
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
hey.
[ buzzer .]
hey.
"hungary.
" hey.
"hungary.
" hungary.
"hungary.
" hungary.
huh? hungary.
huh? hungary.
huh? hungary.
"that's where my bride's hungary.
"that's where my bride's being shipped from.
" "that's where my bride's being shipped from.
" no, no, no.
Being shipped from.
" no, no, no.
Not that "hungry.
" no, no, no.
Not that "hungry.
" that's where my bride's being Not that "hungry.
" that's where my bride's being shipped from.
That's where my bride's being shipped from.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I was told to wait right here for her.
I was told to wait right here for her.
[ laughter .]
For her.
[ laughter .]
I hope she's the good-looking [ laughter .]
I hope she's the good-looking european.
I hope she's the good-looking european.
[ laughter .]
European.
[ laughter .]
oh, this girl.
[ laughter .]
oh, this girl.
"zero.
" oh, this girl.
"zero.
" zero? "zero.
" zero? "that's my chances with you?" zero? "that's my chances with you?" zero is -- those are my "that's my chances with you?" zero is -- those are my chances with you? zero is -- those are my chances with you? oh! Chances with you? oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
I don't know what -- what [ laughter .]
I don't know what -- what came over me there.
I don't know what -- what came over me there.
[ laughter .]
Came over me there.
[ laughter .]
probably three 37-year-old men.
[ laughter .]
probably three 37-year-old men.
yes.
Probably three 37-year-old men.
yes.
[ laughter .]
yes.
[ laughter .]
"fire.
" [ laughter .]
"fire.
" excuse me.
"fire.
" excuse me.
Fire? Fire? excuse me.
Fire? Fire? "that's what it feels like Fire? Fire? "that's what it feels like when I make a peeps.
" "that's what it feels like when I make a peeps.
" oh, no.
When I make a peeps.
" oh, no.
That's actually what it feels oh, no.
That's actually what it feels like when I make -- when I make That's actually what it feels like when I make -- when I make peeps.
Like when I make -- when I make peeps.
[ laughter .]
Peeps.
[ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
oho, no! [ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
oho, no! now she knows you have an [ laughing .]
oho, no! now she knows you have an std.
now she knows you have an std.
Good work, buddy.
Std.
Good work, buddy.
[ laughter .]
Good work, buddy.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: The key word for [ ding! .]
narrator: The key word for murr is "loser!" which means narrator: The key word for murr is "loser!" which means it's punishment time.
Murr is "loser!" which means it's punishment time.
hey! It's punishment time.
hey! hey, here we are.
hey! hey, here we are.
Murr is our loser, and now it's hey, here we are.
Murr is our loser, and now it's time to be punished.
Murr is our loser, and now it's time to be punished.
all right, buddy.
Time to be punished.
all right, buddy.
You're gonna have to go in there all right, buddy.
You're gonna have to go in there and pitch your new television You're gonna have to go in there and pitch your new television show that we've created.
And pitch your new television show that we've created.
and you'll be showing it to Show that we've created.
and you'll be showing it to the tv show's target audience, and you'll be showing it to the tv show's target audience, The tv show's target audience, [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
so, kiddies.
[ laughter .]
so, kiddies.
I don't do well with so, kiddies.
I don't do well with children.
I don't do well with children.
[ laughter .]
Children.
[ laughter .]
[ indistinct conversations .]
[ laughter .]
[ indistinct conversations .]
hi, everybody.
[ indistinct conversations .]
hi, everybody.
hi! hi, everybody.
hi! hi.
I'm james.
hi! hi.
I'm james.
You having fun today? I'm gonna sit over here.
What looks like me? What looks like me? "murr's play house.
" "murr's play house.
" that does look like me.
That does look like me.
there's a questionnaire behind you, bud, right on that there's a questionnaire behind you, bud, right on that windowsill.
Behind you, bud, right on that windowsill.
okay.
Windowsill.
okay.
just grab that.
okay.
just grab that.
okay.
Here's a questionnaire.
just grab that.
okay.
Here's a questionnaire.
I'm gonna ask you guys a couple okay.
Here's a questionnaire.
I'm gonna ask you guys a couple questions, okay? I'm gonna ask you guys a couple questions, okay? so, we're leaving here.
Questions, okay? so, we're leaving here.
We're not gonna be here.
so, we're leaving here.
We're not gonna be here.
We're actually gonna take this We're not gonna be here.
We're actually gonna take this time to go to murray's We're actually gonna take this time to go to murray's apartment, which is nearby Time to go to murray's apartment, which is nearby yes.
Apartment, which is nearby yes.
And destroy it.
yes.
And destroy it.
and the trick of it is we're And destroy it.
and the trick of it is we're going to play that live on that and the trick of it is we're going to play that live on that little television he has set up Going to play that live on that little television he has set up in that room, so Little television he has set up in that room, so ladies and gentlemen, we're In that room, so ladies and gentlemen, we're proud to present ladies and gentlemen, we're proud to present "murr's play house" at his real Proud to present "murr's play house" at his real play house.
"murr's play house" at his real play house.
we better get moving, guys.
Play house.
we better get moving, guys.
We got three blocks to cover.
we better get moving, guys.
We got three blocks to cover.
[ chuckles .]
We got three blocks to cover.
[ chuckles .]
what's the grossest thing you [ chuckles .]
what's the grossest thing you can think of? Wow! [ dramatic music plays .]
[ horn honks .]
[ dramatic music plays .]
[ horn honks .]
what smells funny? [ horn honks .]
what smells funny? Your english teacher.
Ah! what smells funny? Your english teacher.
Ah! That's funny.
Your english teacher.
Ah! That's funny.
snack time That's funny.
snack time guys, are you there? snack time guys, are you there? snack guys, are you there? snack it's really quiet.
snack it's really quiet.
Okay, there's one more question, it's really quiet.
Okay, there's one more question, and nothing's happened.
Okay, there's one more question, and nothing's happened.
[ chuckling .]
I'm a little And nothing's happened.
[ chuckling .]
I'm a little confused right now.
[ chuckling .]
I'm a little confused right now.
What's your favorite holiday, Confused right now.
What's your favorite holiday, out of all the holidays -- What's your favorite holiday, out of all the holidays -- easter, christmas -- Out of all the holidays -- easter, christmas -- christmas! Easter, christmas -- christmas! christmas? christmas! christmas? Okay.
Cool.
christmas? Okay.
Cool.
hi, guys! Okay.
Cool.
hi, guys! hey! hi, guys! hey! welcome to hey! welcome to "murr's play house"! welcome to "murr's play house"! look where we are.
"murr's play house"! look where we are.
yay! look where we are.
yay! it's so much fun here yay! it's so much fun here in murr's play house.
it's so much fun here in murr's play house.
so, hey, murr, how are In murr's play house.
so, hey, murr, how are you, buddy? so, hey, murr, how are you, buddy? wait.
Is this happening live? You, buddy? wait.
Is this happening live? yeah, it's live.
wait.
Is this happening live? yeah, it's live.
yeah, we hear you.
yeah, it's live.
yeah, we hear you.
wait.
This is now?! yeah, we hear you.
wait.
This is now?! yeah, this is right now.
wait.
This is now?! yeah, this is right now.
this is right now! yeah, this is right now.
this is right now! this is real? this is right now! this is real? it's right now! this is real? it's right now! no, no.
This is not actually it's right now! no, no.
This is not actually happening, right? no, no.
This is not actually happening, right? That's my apartment! Happening, right? That's my apartment! Get the hell out of my Delay was -- you were -- yeah! [ laughter and applause .]
yeah! [ laughter and applause .]
why don't you grab those [ laughter and applause .]
why don't you grab those questions that are behind the why don't you grab those questions that are behind the tv and ask the kiddies what Questions that are behind the tv and ask the kiddies what they want to see? Tv and ask the kiddies what they want to see? hey! They want to see? hey! hey! hey! hey! okay, the first question -- hey! okay, the first question -- should the guys have a serious okay, the first question -- should the guys have a serious talk or a silly string fight? Should the guys have a serious talk or a silly string fight? [ children chanting Talk or a silly string fight? [ children chanting "silly string fight" .]
[ children chanting "silly string fight" .]
[ men chanting "silly string fight" .]
[ men chanting "silly string fight" .]
[ men chanting "silly string fight" .]
ah! "silly string fight" .]
ah! Ohh! ah! Ohh! aahh! Aahh! Ohh! aahh! Aahh! oh, no! aahh! Aahh! oh, no! It's all over the place! oh, no! It's all over the place! [ laughing .]
It's all over the place! [ laughing .]
yeah! [ laughing .]
yeah! we love silly string! Yeah! we love silly string! yeah, I-I-I pride myself on we love silly string! yeah, I-I-I pride myself on keeping my apartment really yeah, I-I-I pride myself on keeping my apartment really clean.
Keeping my apartment really clean.
what's next, kids? Clean.
what's next, kids? uh.
Should the guys play a what's next, kids? uh.
Should the guys play a flute or play frisbee with a uh.
Should the guys play a flute or play frisbee with a pizza? Flute or play frisbee with a pizza? frisbee with a pizza! Pizza? frisbee with a pizza! with a pizza! frisbee with a pizza! with a pizza! [ laughter .]
with a pizza! [ laughter .]
yay! [ laughter .]
yay! yay! yay! yay! ohhh, god.
No.
yay! ohhh, god.
No.
I have beige couches.
ohhh, god.
No.
I have beige couches.
time to play frisbee pizza.
I have beige couches.
time to play frisbee pizza.
I got it.
time to play frisbee pizza.
I got it.
ready, q? I got it.
ready, q? I'm ready! ready, q? I'm ready! Hey! I'm ready! Hey! Right back at you, buddy! Hey! Right back at you, buddy! all righty! Right back at you, buddy! all righty! Oh! I missed it! all righty! Oh! I missed it! [ chuckling .]
oh, no! Oh! I missed it! [ chuckling .]
oh, no! oh, no! [ chuckling .]
oh, no! oh, no! oh, I missed it.
oh, no! oh, I missed it.
oh, it's on the rug! oh, I missed it.
oh, it's on the rug! oh, you're stepping on the oh, it's on the rug! oh, you're stepping on the frisbee.
oh, you're stepping on the frisbee.
oh, here, guys.
Frisbee.
oh, here, guys.
We'll start again.
oh, here, guys.
We'll start again.
hey, kids.
We'll start again.
hey, kids.
[ zwip! .]
hey, kids.
[ zwip! .]
oh, god.
[ zwip! .]
oh, god.
what's next? oh, god.
what's next? [ mock sobbing .]
what's next? [ mock sobbing .]
should crazy steve read a story [ mock sobbing .]
should crazy steve read a story or take a crazy bubble bath? Should crazy steve read a story or take a crazy bubble bath? take a crazy bubble bath! Or take a crazy bubble bath? take a crazy bubble bath! bubble bath! take a crazy bubble bath! bubble bath! [ laughter .]
bubble bath! [ laughter .]
[ men chanting "bubble bath" .]
[ laughter .]
[ men chanting "bubble bath" .]
hey, crazy steve.
[ men chanting "bubble bath" .]
hey, crazy steve.
hi, kids.
hey, crazy steve.
hi, kids.
oh, my god.
He's gross.
hi, kids.
oh, my god.
He's gross.
ew! oh, my god.
He's gross.
ew! ohh.
ew! ohh.
Oh, my god! ohh.
Oh, my god! it's so soapy in here.
Oh, my god! it's so soapy in here.
oh, my god.
it's so soapy in here.
oh, my god.
He's so hairy.
oh, my god.
He's so hairy.
let's go.
He's so hairy.
let's go.
What else do you got, bud? let's go.
What else do you got, bud? uh.
What else do you got, bud? uh.
Uh, I don't think -- I don't -- uh.
Uh, I don't think -- I don't -- yeah, I don't think anybody Uh, I don't think -- I don't -- yeah, I don't think anybody wants to see any other Yeah, I don't think anybody wants to see any other questions.
Wants to see any other questions.
yes, we do! Questions.
yes, we do! no! yes, we do! no! yes! no! yes! no! yes! no! all right, next question -- no! all right, next question -- do you want the guys to clean all right, next question -- do you want the guys to clean the toilet Do you want the guys to clean the toilet Or do you want them to feed the The toilet Or do you want them to feed the toilet? Or do you want them to feed the toilet? feed the toilet! Toilet? feed the toilet! feed the toilet! feed the toilet! feed the toilet! the toilet only eats dress feed the toilet! the toilet only eats dress clothes.
the toilet only eats dress clothes.
dress clothes.
Clothes.
dress clothes.
[ children chanting "feed it" .]
dress clothes.
[ children chanting "feed it" .]
but wait right here.
[ children chanting "feed it" .]
but wait right here.
I just got these out of the but wait right here.
I just got these out of the closet.
I just got these out of the closet.
no, no, no, no, no.
Closet.
no, no, no, no, no.
Don't you -- don't you dare.
no, no, no, no, no.
Don't you -- don't you dare.
and the toilet's hungry.
Don't you -- don't you dare.
and the toilet's hungry.
don't you dare.
and the toilet's hungry.
don't you dare.
are you hungry? don't you dare.
are you hungry? [ deep voice .]
why, yes, are you hungry? [ deep voice .]
why, yes, I amhungry.
[ deep voice .]
why, yes, I amhungry.
that's -- I just -- I just I amhungry.
that's -- I just -- I just got them steamed one week ago.
that's -- I just -- I just got them steamed one week ago.
toilet! Got them steamed one week ago.
toilet! [ deep voice .]
yeah, nom, toilet! [ deep voice .]
yeah, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom! [ deep voice .]
yeah, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom! Nom, nom! Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom! Nom, nom! I eat dress clothes! Nom, nom! I eat dress clothes! oh, no.
I eat dress clothes! oh, no.
I can't even -- I can't even oh, no.
I can't even -- I can't even say bad words.
I can't even -- I can't even say bad words.
oh, this is great.
Say bad words.
oh, this is great.
Isn't murr's play house so oh, this is great.
Isn't murr's play house so much fun? Isn't murr's play house so much fun? yeah, it's fun! Much fun? yeah, it's fun! it is for us.
It is for us.
yeah, it's fun! it is for us.
It is for us.
okay, guys.
it is for us.
It is for us.
okay, guys.
The next question is okay, guys.
The next question is I'm not reading the next The next question is I'm not reading the next question.
I'm not reading the next question.
[ laughter .]
Question.
[ laughter .]
just do it! [ laughter .]
just do it! just do it! Just do it! just do it! just do it! Just do it! I'm not reading the just do it! Just do it! I'm not reading the question.
I'm not reading the question.
it's a punishment.
Question.
it's a punishment.
I'm not gonna read this it's a punishment.
I'm not gonna read this question.
I'm not gonna read this question.
read it! Question.
read it! hey, kids, do you want us read it! hey, kids, do you want us to take a nap, or do you want hey, kids, do you want us to take a nap, or do you want us to smash a television?! To take a nap, or do you want us to smash a television?! smash the tv! Us to smash a television?! smash the tv! well, look what I have right smash the tv! well, look what I have right here! well, look what I have right here! it's the super-duper Here! it's the super-duper smasher sledgehammer! it's the super-duper smasher sledgehammer! guys, no.
Smasher sledgehammer! guys, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
guys, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [ laughs .]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [ laughs .]
all righty.
[ laughs .]
all righty.
that's not funny.
all righty.
that's not funny.
1 that's not funny.
1 oh, god! 1 oh, god! 23! oh, god! 23! ha ha! 23! ha ha! ohh! ha ha! ohh! [ all cheer .]
ohh! [ all cheer .]
we smashed your tv! [ all cheer .]
we smashed your tv! we smashed your tv, fool! we smashed your tv! yes! yes! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I can't get enough of I can't get enough of smashing this tv! Smashing this tv! whoo! whoo! aaaah! aaaah! ohh! ohh! kids, thank you coming to kids, thank you coming to murr's play house.
Murr's play house.
Stay in school.
Stay in school.
bye, everybody.
bye, everybody.
I'm gonna kick some ass.
ah! Aaah! [ laughs .]
narrator: Will murr finally [ laughs .]
narrator: Will murr finally step up to the plate? narrator: Will murr finally step up to the plate? how do I get to first base? Step up to the plate? how do I get to first base? It's normally up here.
how do I get to first base? It's normally up here.
[ laughter .]
It's normally up here.
[ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker [ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker will have to clean house after narrator: And which joker will have to clean house after tonight's punishment? Will have to clean house after tonight's punishment? [ distorted voice .]
ha ha! Tonight's punishment? [ distorted voice .]
ha ha! [ all cheer .]
[ distorted voice .]
ha ha! [ all cheer .]
prepare for something [ all cheer .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today, we are giving personality tests to strangers.
However, the person really being Personality tests to strangers.
However, the person really being tested is us.
However, the person really being tested is us.
while giving the survey, the Tested is us.
while giving the survey, the other guys will be behind this while giving the survey, the other guys will be behind this glass wall, which becomes Other guys will be behind this glass wall, which becomes see-through at the flip of a Glass wall, which becomes see-through at the flip of a switch.
the goal is not to laugh.
And when that glass becomes And when that glass becomes see-through, anything goes.
See-through, anything goes.
[ no audio .]
[ no audio .]
[ laughter .]
I'm fascinated by the glass.
when we thought of this bit, when we thought of this bit, we had no idea this technology We had no idea this technology existed.
Existed.
is that, like, ions? is that, like, ions? Is that negatively charged ions? Is that negatively charged ions? I think it's magic.
I think it's magic.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
hello.
Hi.
hello.
Hi.
elizabeth.
elizabeth.
elizabeth.
elizabeth.
yeah.
elizabeth.
yeah.
oh, please, have a seat, yeah.
oh, please, have a seat, elizabeth.
oh, please, have a seat, elizabeth.
How are you today? Elizabeth.
How are you today? good.
How are you today? good.
so, I'll just be asking you good.
so, I'll just be asking you questions.
so, I'll just be asking you questions.
let's go.
Questions.
let's go.
[ chuckles .]
let's go.
[ chuckles .]
where are you from? [ chuckles .]
where are you from? I grew up in st.
Louis.
where are you from? I grew up in st.
Louis.
you live in new york city? I grew up in st.
Louis.
you live in new york city? yeah, so I'm based here now.
you live in new york city? yeah, so I'm based here now.
so, tell me about your daily yeah, so I'm based here now.
so, tell me about your daily eating habits.
they've gotten better.
I used to eat more junk food, I used to eat more junk food, but I'm But I'm yeah.
yeah.
[ breathing deeply .]
[ breathing deeply .]
you go -- you shop in the you go -- you shop in the same place every week? Same place every week? yeah, I go -- I have this -- yeah, I go -- I have this -- I like italian at this one I like italian at this one place.
Place.
[ traditional music plays .]
that's just namaste.
What sort of -- what What sort of -- what social-media sites are you a Social-media sites are you a member of? Member of? twitter, facebook.
twitter, facebook.
do you have cable? do you have cable? I do.
I do.
how long have you had cable how long have you had cable for? For? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
um, gosh.
um, gosh.
Since, like, college.
Since, like, college.
So I always had a cable internet So I always had a cable internet connection.
Connection.
I'm a techie, so, like, I I'm a techie, so, like, I hook -- instead of having, like, Hook -- instead of having, like, cable Cable oh, my god! oh, my god! ah! ah! oh, my god! oh, my god! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
sorry.
Do you prefer to shop Sorry.
Do you prefer to shop alone or with someone? Alone or with someone? Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't turn around.
Don't.
Don't turn around.
Don't.
like, shopping trip like, shopping trip sometimes.
Sometimes.
Oh! Oh! sorry.
There's a fly.
sorry.
There's a fly.
oh.
oh.
there's -- a bug got in here.
there's -- a bug got in here.
okay.
okay.
it looked like it was gonna it looked like it was gonna land on your head.
Land on your head.
I didn't I didn't okay.
[ laughs .]
okay.
[ laughs .]
wow! wow! yeah, I prefer to shop alone.
yeah, I prefer to shop alone.
things are getting real in things are getting real in here.
Here.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all right, you guys are up.
all right, you guys are up.
so, luxury brands.
so, luxury brands.
so, I had a wallet before so, I had a wallet before this one, and then, once I had This one, and then, once I had that one for five years, then I That one for five years, then I got a new one.
Got a new one.
right.
right.
so I kind of like stick with so I kind of like stick with it.
It.
okay.
okay.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
do your friends use it? do your friends use it? [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
do -- I mean, not, like, do -- I mean, not, like, often, like, I guess, Often, like, I guess, economically speaking, they Economically speaking, they don't have the same, I guess, Don't have the same, I guess, income resources as I do.
Income resources as I do.
So I think they would love to if So I think they would love to if they could afford it.
They could afford it.
movies -- we didn't talk movies -- we didn't talk about movies yet, right? About movies yet, right? Thank god.
Thank god.
[ laughing .]
how did you not [ laughing .]
how did you not laugh? Laugh? okay, how often do you go to okay, how often do you go to the movies? The movies? it's usually, I mean, twice a it's usually, I mean, twice a month Month [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's -- it's godzilla! it's -- it's godzilla! Or as much as once a week.
Or as much as once a week.
oh, my god! oh, my god! aaah! aaah! uh.
uh.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what's the last movie you saw? What's the last movie you saw? [ laughter and applause .]
[ laughter and applause .]
aaaah! aaaah! "wolf of wall street.
" "wolf of wall street.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughing .]
he's laughing.
he's laughing.
ah! ah! [ knuckles crack .]
[ knuckles crack .]
hi.
I'm james murray.
hi.
I'm james murray.
How are you? How are you? Have a seat, please.
Have a seat, please.
murr, welcome to your worst murr, welcome to your worst nightmare.
Nightmare.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay.
First, some general okay.
First, some general questions -- when you eat on Questions -- when you eat on vacation, do you keep to your Vacation, do you keep to your diet that you may have at home? Diet that you may have at home? no.
no.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
you don't? you don't? it's murr the puppet.
it's murr the puppet.
It's a "murr-pet.
" It's a "murr-pet.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
a puppet! A puppet! are you a member of a gym at are you a member of a gym at all? All? no.
no.
he wishes it was a real boy.
he wishes it was a real boy.
Oh, look.
Oh, look.
no, it's not in my budget.
no, it's not in my budget.
it's a fairy godmother.
it's a fairy godmother.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
ding! Ding! I don't need a gym to do.
I don't need a gym to do.
tell me about what your tell me about what your exercise routine was or would Exercise routine was or would be.
Be.
oh, look, it's a murr.
oh, look, it's a murr.
I just I just same pencil neck.
same pencil neck.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
same hairline.
Same hairline.
same hairline.
same hairline.
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
That's what murr would look like That's what murr would look like if he grew a mullet.
If he grew a mullet.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
and and [ speaking indistinctly .]
[ speaking indistinctly .]
tell me what -- what tell me what -- what motivates you on vacation? Motivates you on vacation? the relaxation.
the relaxation.
relaxation's number 1? relaxation's number 1? yeah.
yeah.
hey, just two friends hanging hey, just two friends hanging out.
Out.
Love you, man.
Love you.
Love you, man.
Love you.
exploring.
exploring.
no, don't get -- no, you're no, don't get -- no, you're friends.
Friends.
Don't fight.
Don't fight.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ohh! ohh! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
sal really got jacked! Sal really got jacked! so, tell me -- so, tell me -- tell me about -- Tell me about -- tell me about -- have you ever Tell me about -- have you ever taken a cruise before? Taken a cruise before? no.
no.
ow! Ow, ow, ow! ow! Ow, ow, ow! It really hurts! It really hurts! you've never been on a you've never been on a cruise? Cruise? [ chuckling .]
no.
[ chuckling .]
no.
no? Okay.
no? Okay.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
why are you laughing so much? why are you laughing so much? no.
[ chuckles .]
no.
[ chuckles .]
dude.
dude.
that felt weird to do.
that felt weird to do.
that was weird.
that was weird.
it felt weird to do.
it felt weird to do.
it looked weird to do.
it looked weird to do.
All right, let me give it a All right, let me give it a shot.
Shot.
you're up, buddy.
you're up, buddy.
let's switch topics a little let's switch topics a little bit.
Bit.
Tell me about your daily Tell me about your daily routines.
Routines.
Take me through a typical Take me through a typical Saturday.
Saturday.
okay.
I try to do as little okay.
I try to do as little as [chuckling.]
humanly As [chuckling.]
humanly possible Possible [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
And just sleep more.
And just sleep more.
I prepare all my meals, usually.
I prepare all my meals, usually.
I don'tBuy food from outside.
I don'tBuy food from outside.
And I might meet up with my And I might meet up with my friends.
Friends.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
uh-huh.
What do you do on a uh-huh.
What do you do on a typical Saturday night? Typical Saturday night? usually, go drinking or stay usually, go drinking or stay home.
Home.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what was that? what was that? doughnuts? doughnuts? doughnuts? doughnuts? oh, my god! It's doughnuts! oh, my god! It's doughnuts! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
look at his face.
look at his face.
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
there he goes.
there he goes.
That's a laugh.
That's a laugh.
oh, my god! It's doughnuts! oh, my god! It's doughnuts! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
wow.
Murr.
wow.
Murr.
You got him again.
You got him again.
hey, sal, this is what the hey, sal, this is what the kids call a walk in the park.
Kids call a walk in the park.
We have to get you to laugh.
We have to get you to laugh.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you guys all talk a good you guys all talk a good game.
Game.
You all keep talking this good You all keep talking this good game.
Game.
all right.
all right.
you watch.
you watch.
Look at me.
Ready? Look at me.
Ready? yeah.
yeah.
watch this.
watch this.
ooh.
ooh.
ohh.
ohh.
all right.
all right.
ohh! ohh! fart noise.
fart noise.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I didn't even make the I didn't even make the fart noise -- I said the words Fart noise -- I said the words "fart noise.
" "fart noise.
" that's what was funny about that's what was funny about it.
It.
Hey, how are you, bud? Hey, how are you, bud? What's going on? What's going on? My name's sal.
My name's sal.
Zachary? Pleasure to meet you.
Zachary? Pleasure to meet you.
let me go help this guy.
let me go help this guy.
yeah, go get him, tiger.
yeah, go get him, tiger.
how often do you feel the how often do you feel the need to update your software and Need to update your software and things like that kind of stuff? Things like that kind of stuff? I mean, I have a laptop, but I mean, I have a laptop, but I really don't use it anymore I really don't use it anymore because of the new technology Because of the new technology right.
right.
Like the smartphones and Like the smartphones and things like that.
Things like that.
It's just It's just as far as -- sorry.
as far as -- sorry.
I'm trying to think, 'cause we I'm trying to think, 'cause we go through all the things you Go through all the things you ever got.
Ever got.
oh, it's not over yet, buddy.
oh, it's not over yet, buddy.
This is gonna haunt your dreams, This is gonna haunt your dreams, my friend.
My friend.
talk to me about your talk to me about your opinions on the subway system.
Opinions on the subway system.
depending on public depending on public transportation, as far as -- Transportation, as far as -- there's a lot of idiotic people There's a lot of idiotic people that's on the train that do That's on the train that do stupid things just to hold the Stupid things just to hold the train door, so Train door, so [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
For no reason at all.
For no reason at all.
They have nothing better to do They have nothing better to do or anywhere -- anywhere else to Or anywhere -- anywhere else to go.
Go.
oh, my god! oh, my god! I know.
I know.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ohh! ohh! they do have good plans for they do have good plans for public transportation and a Public transportation and a good Good oh, my god! oh, my god! Someone's system sucks.
Someone's system sucks.
yeah, the train is horrible.
yeah, the train is horrible.
the train is awful.
the train is awful.
yeah, as far as getting yeah, as far as getting around to the, like, different Around to the, like, different boroughs.
Boroughs.
I'm next.
I'm next.
Let's see what I got up my Let's see what I got up my sleeve.
Sleeve.
just please elaborate on just please elaborate on q has guaranteed us that he's q has guaranteed us that he's got this.
Got this.
I trust him.
I trust him.
he's got it.
he's got it.
he's got it.
he's got it.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
do you online bank? do you online bank? yes, I do.
yes, I do.
okay.
okay.
[ tuba plays [ tuba plays wagner's "bridal chorus" .]
Wagner's "bridal chorus" .]
[ laughing .]
[ laughing .]
[ laughter and applause .]
[ laughter and applause .]
it's your father it's your father Marrying q! Marrying q! he's not giving him away.
he's not giving him away.
ah! ah! [ laughing continues .]
[ laughing continues .]
you may now kiss the bride.
you may now kiss the bride.
[ laughing continues .]
[ laughing continues .]
oh, we're done.
Oh, we're done.
We're done here.
We're done here.
We're done here.
We're done here.
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter and applause .]
[ laughter and applause .]
all right, joey, you're up.
all right, joey, you're up.
How do you feel out there? How do you feel out there? stone cold killa.
stone cold killa.
no way.
no way.
look at him.
Look at that.
look at him.
Look at that.
pleased to meet you.
pleased to meet you.
Have a seat, my friend.
Have a seat, my friend.
let's go turn the screws on let's go turn the screws on this, huh? This, huh? [ earpiece clatters .]
[ earpiece clatters .]
tell me about a typical movie tell me about a typical movie experience for you.
Experience for you.
Do you buy the tickets online? Do you buy the tickets online? oh, no, I buy the tickets at oh, no, I buy the tickets at the machine.
The machine.
at the machine? at the machine? yeah.
yeah.
okay.
Wow.
All right.
okay.
Wow.
All right.
Do you ever go to the ymca? Do you ever go to the ymca? no.
no.
no.
You don't go to the ymca? no.
You don't go to the ymca? Okay.
Um.
[ chuckles .]
Okay.
Um.
[ chuckles .]
uh.
Uh.
Would you consider yourself Would you consider yourself accepting any friends? Accepting any friends? Let's say you have three best Let's say you have three best friends, and other people might Friends, and other people might think they're, you know [bleep.]
Think they're, you know [bleep.]
but they're your friends.
But they're your friends.
yeah.
yeah.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
when you have a group party, when you have a group party, are you likely or not likely to Are you likely or not likely to bring out a board game? Bring out a board game? depends on the party.
depends on the party.
If it's, like, during the day, If it's, like, during the day, during a snowstorm During a snowstorm [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
like, "oh, this doctor's like, "oh, this doctor's like" Like" oh, my god.
oh, my god.
it's a cute old lady.
it's a cute old lady.
look at joe's curious, look at joe's curious, confused face.
Confused face.
oh.
oh.
oh, what's gonna happen to oh, what's gonna happen to her? Her? what's gonna happen? what's gonna happen? okay.
Do you -- do you okay.
Do you -- do you calorie-count? Calorie-count? [ laughing .]
oh, my god.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ah, ah.
Ah, ah.
Joe! Joe! oh, don't do it.
oh, don't do it.
oh! oh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! ah! ah! [ laughter and applause .]
[ laughter and applause .]
oh, my god! oh, my god! Yes! Yes! [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
oh.
There you go.
oh.
There you go.
oh, my god! oh, my god! yes! yes! I did not see that coming.
I did not see that coming.
ah! ah! this is just insane.
this is just insane.
yes! yes! you got to give it to them.
you got to give it to them.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you got to give it to them, man.
[ ding! .]
You got to give it to them, man.
[ ding! .]
q, murr, and sal are all [ ding! .]
q, murr, and sal are all laughers, making them all Q, murr, and sal are all laughers, making them all losers.
Laughers, making them all losers.
today, we'll be stopping Losers.
today, we'll be stopping strangers and starting a today, we'll be stopping strangers and starting a conversation with a single word.
Strangers and starting a conversation with a single word.
but that word is gonna be Conversation with a single word.
but that word is gonna be given to us by the other guys.
but that word is gonna be given to us by the other guys.
and that word won't make Given to us by the other guys.
and that word won't make sense until we're given the and that word won't make sense until we're given the explanation afterward.
the goal is to follow through with the surprise explanation.
With the surprise explanation.
If you can't, you lose, and I If you can't, you lose, and I don't know what this is.
Don't know what this is.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's a ponytail.
it's a ponytail.
I'm trying something new, all I'm trying something new, all right? Right? you know what I often think you know what I often think about, boys? About, boys? doughnuts? doughnuts? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you guys know me.
you guys know me.
[ chuckles .]
excuse me.
[ chuckles .]
excuse me.
"sexy?" "sexy?" sexy? sexy? "that's my nickname for my "that's my nickname for my sister.
" ohh.
Sister.
" ohh.
[ laughter .]
ohh.
[ laughter .]
that, uh, that's the nickname [ laughter .]
that, uh, that's the nickname I call my sister.
that, uh, that's the nickname I call my sister.
[ laughter .]
I call my sister.
[ laughter .]
you know what I'm saying? [ laughter .]
you know what I'm saying? She got an ass that won't quit.
You know what I'm saying? She got an ass that won't quit.
I'm just saying.
She got an ass that won't quit.
I'm just saying.
ohh! I'm just saying.
ohh! all day with it.
ohh! all day with it.
[ laughter .]
all day with it.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
"ozone?" Excuse me.
"ozone?" ozone? "ozone?" ozone? "oh, I'm sorry.
ozone? "oh, I'm sorry.
I meant, 'I want to touch you in "oh, I'm sorry.
I meant, 'I want to touch you in your boy zone.
'" I meant, 'I want to touch you in your boy zone.
'" [ laughing .]
oh, no.
Your boy zone.
'" [ laughing .]
oh, no.
that went over my head.
[ laughing .]
oh, no.
that went over my head.
[ laughter .]
that went over my head.
[ laughter .]
I'm sorry.
[ laughter .]
I'm sorry.
I meant to say I'm sorry.
I meant to say oh? I meant to say oh? I meant to say, "I want to oh? I meant to say, "I want to touch you in your boy zone.
" I meant to say, "I want to touch you in your boy zone.
" [ laughter .]
Touch you in your boy zone.
" [ laughter .]
and you would say [ laughter .]
and you would say I would probably kill you.
And you would say I would probably kill you.
you would probably kill me.
I would probably kill you.
you would probably kill me.
All right.
Good.
you would probably kill me.
All right.
Good.
[ laughter .]
All right.
Good.
[ laughter .]
where is this going? [ laughter .]
where is this going? I think we're done with it.
where is this going? I think we're done with it.
[ laughter .]
I think we're done with it.
[ laughter .]
you got a good day.
[ laughter .]
you got a good day.
there you go.
You got a good day.
there you go.
Have a good day.
there you go.
Have a good day.
take care, buddy.
Have a good day.
take care, buddy.
Take care of yourself.
take care, buddy.
Take care of yourself.
[ laughter .]
Take care of yourself.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
all right, you ready, [ ding! .]
all right, you ready, my little pony? oh, thank you.
Thank you.
She complimented my ponytail.
She complimented my ponytail.
they didn't say anything.
they didn't say anything.
thank you, guys.
thank you, guys.
Thanks for the compliment on my Thanks for the compliment on my ponytail.
Ponytail.
you know, I haven't heard one you know, I haven't heard one person.
Person.
you like the ponytail? you like the ponytail? Thank you, sir! Thank you, sir! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
"ponytail.
" Excuse me.
"ponytail.
" ponytail.
"ponytail.
" ponytail.
"look at this [bleep.]
stupid ponytail.
"look at this [bleep.]
stupid ponytail.
" "look at this [bleep.]
stupid ponytail.
" [ laughter .]
Ponytail.
" [ laughter .]
look at this [bleep.]
stupid [ laughter .]
look at this [bleep.]
stupid ponytail.
look at this [bleep.]
stupid ponytail.
yeah, there you go! Ponytail.
yeah, there you go! I heard that one.
yeah, there you go! I heard that one.
[ laughter .]
I heard that one.
[ laughter .]
excuse me one second.
Um.
[ laughter .]
excuse me one second.
Um.
"baby.
" excuse me one second.
Um.
"baby.
" "baby.
" "baby.
" "baby.
" "baby.
" "baby.
" "baby.
" baby.
"baby.
" baby.
"that's what I'm gonna put baby.
"that's what I'm gonna put into you.
" "that's what I'm gonna put into you.
" that's what I'm -- Into you.
" that's what I'm -- [ laughter .]
that's what I'm -- [ laughter .]
baby -- that's what I'm gonna [ laughter .]
baby -- that's what I'm gonna put in you, huh? oh, my god! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
got it.
[ ding! .]
got it.
[ ding! .]
thank you.
Thank you.
[ ding! .]
thank you.
Thank you.
[ laughs .]
thank you.
Thank you.
[ laughs .]
another compliment on my [ laughs .]
another compliment on my ponytail, boys.
another compliment on my ponytail, boys.
yeah.
No one has said, Ponytail, boys.
yeah.
No one has said, "nice ponytail.
" yeah.
No one has said, "nice ponytail.
" I've heard "nice ponytail" "nice ponytail.
" I've heard "nice ponytail" three times.
I've heard "nice ponytail" three times.
you look out of touch, man.
Three times.
you look out of touch, man.
[ laughs .]
excuse me.
"directions?" "directions?" directions? Um.
directions? Um.
"how do I get to first base?" "how do I get to first base?" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
how do -- how do I get to how do -- how do I get to first base? First base? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what do you mean? I can't find my way.
what do you mean? I can't find my way.
I keep -- I keep making the I can't find my way.
I keep -- I keep making the wrong turns.
I keep -- I keep making the wrong turns.
[ laughter .]
Wrong turns.
[ laughter .]
to first base? [ laughter .]
to first base? yeah.
to first base? yeah.
[ chuckling .]
I don't know yeah.
[ chuckling .]
I don't know where first base is.
[ chuckling .]
I don't know where first base is.
it's normally up here.
Where first base is.
it's normally up here.
[ laughter .]
it's normally up here.
[ laughter .]
yeah.
The -- the -- the -- [ laughter .]
yeah.
The -- the -- the -- the -- the -- the tea-- Yeah.
The -- the -- the -- the -- the -- the tea-- the teats.
The -- the -- the tea-- the teats.
[ laughing .]
the teats.
The teats.
[ laughing .]
the teats.
I think I just figured out [ laughing .]
the teats.
I think I just figured out why you can't get there -- I think I just figured out why you can't get there -- you're calling them "teats.
" Why you can't get there -- you're calling them "teats.
" I feel so bad for his future You're calling them "teats.
" I feel so bad for his future son when they're gonna have that I feel so bad for his future son when they're gonna have that talk.
Son when they're gonna have that talk.
[ laughter .]
all right, man.
Thanks so much, man.
You, too.
Thanks so much, man.
You, too.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he's walking away shaking his head.
He's walking away shaking his head.
[ laughter .]
Head.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
"three.
" excuse me.
"three.
" three.
"three.
" three.
"you two plus me.
" three.
"you two plus me.
" [ laughter .]
"you two plus me.
" [ laughter .]
you two plus me [ laughter .]
you two plus me Is three.
you two plus me Is three.
[ laughter .]
Is three.
[ laughter .]
we doing this or what? [ laughter .]
we doing this or what? No? We doing this or what? No? Is it -- No? Is it -- is it me, or is it him? Is it -- is it me, or is it him? [ laughter .]
Is it me, or is it him? [ laughter .]
it's me.
[ laughter .]
it's me.
it's you.
Okay.
it's me.
it's you.
Okay.
I had to ask.
it's you.
Okay.
I had to ask.
Okay.
I had to ask.
Okay.
[ laughter .]
Okay.
[ laughter .]
these two guys.
[ laughter .]
these two guys.
"you.
" you.
You, you, you, you, you, you, you.
You, you, you.
"suck it.
" "suck it.
" so what, man? so what, man? [ laughter .]
Are awesome.
Have a great day.
[ laughter and applause .]
Have a great day.
[ laughter and applause .]
come on.
[ laughter and applause .]
come on.
two words -- one thumbs-down.
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
hey.
[ buzzer .]
hey.
"hungary.
" hey.
"hungary.
" hungary.
"hungary.
" hungary.
huh? hungary.
huh? hungary.
huh? hungary.
"that's where my bride's hungary.
"that's where my bride's being shipped from.
" "that's where my bride's being shipped from.
" no, no, no.
Being shipped from.
" no, no, no.
Not that "hungry.
" no, no, no.
Not that "hungry.
" that's where my bride's being Not that "hungry.
" that's where my bride's being shipped from.
That's where my bride's being shipped from.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I was told to wait right here for her.
I was told to wait right here for her.
[ laughter .]
For her.
[ laughter .]
I hope she's the good-looking [ laughter .]
I hope she's the good-looking european.
I hope she's the good-looking european.
[ laughter .]
European.
[ laughter .]
oh, this girl.
[ laughter .]
oh, this girl.
"zero.
" oh, this girl.
"zero.
" zero? "zero.
" zero? "that's my chances with you?" zero? "that's my chances with you?" zero is -- those are my "that's my chances with you?" zero is -- those are my chances with you? zero is -- those are my chances with you? oh! Chances with you? oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
I don't know what -- what [ laughter .]
I don't know what -- what came over me there.
I don't know what -- what came over me there.
[ laughter .]
Came over me there.
[ laughter .]
probably three 37-year-old men.
[ laughter .]
probably three 37-year-old men.
yes.
Probably three 37-year-old men.
yes.
[ laughter .]
yes.
[ laughter .]
"fire.
" [ laughter .]
"fire.
" excuse me.
"fire.
" excuse me.
Fire? Fire? excuse me.
Fire? Fire? "that's what it feels like Fire? Fire? "that's what it feels like when I make a peeps.
" "that's what it feels like when I make a peeps.
" oh, no.
When I make a peeps.
" oh, no.
That's actually what it feels oh, no.
That's actually what it feels like when I make -- when I make That's actually what it feels like when I make -- when I make peeps.
Like when I make -- when I make peeps.
[ laughter .]
Peeps.
[ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
oho, no! [ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
oho, no! now she knows you have an [ laughing .]
oho, no! now she knows you have an std.
now she knows you have an std.
Good work, buddy.
Std.
Good work, buddy.
[ laughter .]
Good work, buddy.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: The key word for [ ding! .]
narrator: The key word for murr is "loser!" which means narrator: The key word for murr is "loser!" which means it's punishment time.
Murr is "loser!" which means it's punishment time.
hey! It's punishment time.
hey! hey, here we are.
hey! hey, here we are.
Murr is our loser, and now it's hey, here we are.
Murr is our loser, and now it's time to be punished.
Murr is our loser, and now it's time to be punished.
all right, buddy.
Time to be punished.
all right, buddy.
You're gonna have to go in there all right, buddy.
You're gonna have to go in there and pitch your new television You're gonna have to go in there and pitch your new television show that we've created.
And pitch your new television show that we've created.
and you'll be showing it to Show that we've created.
and you'll be showing it to the tv show's target audience, and you'll be showing it to the tv show's target audience, The tv show's target audience, [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
so, kiddies.
[ laughter .]
so, kiddies.
I don't do well with so, kiddies.
I don't do well with children.
I don't do well with children.
[ laughter .]
Children.
[ laughter .]
[ indistinct conversations .]
[ laughter .]
[ indistinct conversations .]
hi, everybody.
[ indistinct conversations .]
hi, everybody.
hi! hi, everybody.
hi! hi.
I'm james.
hi! hi.
I'm james.
You having fun today? I'm gonna sit over here.
What looks like me? What looks like me? "murr's play house.
" "murr's play house.
" that does look like me.
That does look like me.
there's a questionnaire behind you, bud, right on that there's a questionnaire behind you, bud, right on that windowsill.
Behind you, bud, right on that windowsill.
okay.
Windowsill.
okay.
just grab that.
okay.
just grab that.
okay.
Here's a questionnaire.
just grab that.
okay.
Here's a questionnaire.
I'm gonna ask you guys a couple okay.
Here's a questionnaire.
I'm gonna ask you guys a couple questions, okay? I'm gonna ask you guys a couple questions, okay? so, we're leaving here.
Questions, okay? so, we're leaving here.
We're not gonna be here.
so, we're leaving here.
We're not gonna be here.
We're actually gonna take this We're not gonna be here.
We're actually gonna take this time to go to murray's We're actually gonna take this time to go to murray's apartment, which is nearby Time to go to murray's apartment, which is nearby yes.
Apartment, which is nearby yes.
And destroy it.
yes.
And destroy it.
and the trick of it is we're And destroy it.
and the trick of it is we're going to play that live on that and the trick of it is we're going to play that live on that little television he has set up Going to play that live on that little television he has set up in that room, so Little television he has set up in that room, so ladies and gentlemen, we're In that room, so ladies and gentlemen, we're proud to present ladies and gentlemen, we're proud to present "murr's play house" at his real Proud to present "murr's play house" at his real play house.
"murr's play house" at his real play house.
we better get moving, guys.
Play house.
we better get moving, guys.
We got three blocks to cover.
we better get moving, guys.
We got three blocks to cover.
[ chuckles .]
We got three blocks to cover.
[ chuckles .]
what's the grossest thing you [ chuckles .]
what's the grossest thing you can think of? Wow! [ dramatic music plays .]
[ horn honks .]
[ dramatic music plays .]
[ horn honks .]
what smells funny? [ horn honks .]
what smells funny? Your english teacher.
Ah! what smells funny? Your english teacher.
Ah! That's funny.
Your english teacher.
Ah! That's funny.
snack time That's funny.
snack time guys, are you there? snack time guys, are you there? snack guys, are you there? snack it's really quiet.
snack it's really quiet.
Okay, there's one more question, it's really quiet.
Okay, there's one more question, and nothing's happened.
Okay, there's one more question, and nothing's happened.
[ chuckling .]
I'm a little And nothing's happened.
[ chuckling .]
I'm a little confused right now.
[ chuckling .]
I'm a little confused right now.
What's your favorite holiday, Confused right now.
What's your favorite holiday, out of all the holidays -- What's your favorite holiday, out of all the holidays -- easter, christmas -- Out of all the holidays -- easter, christmas -- christmas! Easter, christmas -- christmas! christmas? christmas! christmas? Okay.
Cool.
christmas? Okay.
Cool.
hi, guys! Okay.
Cool.
hi, guys! hey! hi, guys! hey! welcome to hey! welcome to "murr's play house"! welcome to "murr's play house"! look where we are.
"murr's play house"! look where we are.
yay! look where we are.
yay! it's so much fun here yay! it's so much fun here in murr's play house.
it's so much fun here in murr's play house.
so, hey, murr, how are In murr's play house.
so, hey, murr, how are you, buddy? so, hey, murr, how are you, buddy? wait.
Is this happening live? You, buddy? wait.
Is this happening live? yeah, it's live.
wait.
Is this happening live? yeah, it's live.
yeah, we hear you.
yeah, it's live.
yeah, we hear you.
wait.
This is now?! yeah, we hear you.
wait.
This is now?! yeah, this is right now.
wait.
This is now?! yeah, this is right now.
this is right now! yeah, this is right now.
this is right now! this is real? this is right now! this is real? it's right now! this is real? it's right now! no, no.
This is not actually it's right now! no, no.
This is not actually happening, right? no, no.
This is not actually happening, right? That's my apartment! Happening, right? That's my apartment! Get the hell out of my Delay was -- you were -- yeah! [ laughter and applause .]
yeah! [ laughter and applause .]
why don't you grab those [ laughter and applause .]
why don't you grab those questions that are behind the why don't you grab those questions that are behind the tv and ask the kiddies what Questions that are behind the tv and ask the kiddies what they want to see? Tv and ask the kiddies what they want to see? hey! They want to see? hey! hey! hey! hey! okay, the first question -- hey! okay, the first question -- should the guys have a serious okay, the first question -- should the guys have a serious talk or a silly string fight? Should the guys have a serious talk or a silly string fight? [ children chanting Talk or a silly string fight? [ children chanting "silly string fight" .]
[ children chanting "silly string fight" .]
[ men chanting "silly string fight" .]
[ men chanting "silly string fight" .]
[ men chanting "silly string fight" .]
ah! "silly string fight" .]
ah! Ohh! ah! Ohh! aahh! Aahh! Ohh! aahh! Aahh! oh, no! aahh! Aahh! oh, no! It's all over the place! oh, no! It's all over the place! [ laughing .]
It's all over the place! [ laughing .]
yeah! [ laughing .]
yeah! we love silly string! Yeah! we love silly string! yeah, I-I-I pride myself on we love silly string! yeah, I-I-I pride myself on keeping my apartment really yeah, I-I-I pride myself on keeping my apartment really clean.
Keeping my apartment really clean.
what's next, kids? Clean.
what's next, kids? uh.
Should the guys play a what's next, kids? uh.
Should the guys play a flute or play frisbee with a uh.
Should the guys play a flute or play frisbee with a pizza? Flute or play frisbee with a pizza? frisbee with a pizza! Pizza? frisbee with a pizza! with a pizza! frisbee with a pizza! with a pizza! [ laughter .]
with a pizza! [ laughter .]
yay! [ laughter .]
yay! yay! yay! yay! ohhh, god.
No.
yay! ohhh, god.
No.
I have beige couches.
ohhh, god.
No.
I have beige couches.
time to play frisbee pizza.
I have beige couches.
time to play frisbee pizza.
I got it.
time to play frisbee pizza.
I got it.
ready, q? I got it.
ready, q? I'm ready! ready, q? I'm ready! Hey! I'm ready! Hey! Right back at you, buddy! Hey! Right back at you, buddy! all righty! Right back at you, buddy! all righty! Oh! I missed it! all righty! Oh! I missed it! [ chuckling .]
oh, no! Oh! I missed it! [ chuckling .]
oh, no! oh, no! [ chuckling .]
oh, no! oh, no! oh, I missed it.
oh, no! oh, I missed it.
oh, it's on the rug! oh, I missed it.
oh, it's on the rug! oh, you're stepping on the oh, it's on the rug! oh, you're stepping on the frisbee.
oh, you're stepping on the frisbee.
oh, here, guys.
Frisbee.
oh, here, guys.
We'll start again.
oh, here, guys.
We'll start again.
hey, kids.
We'll start again.
hey, kids.
[ zwip! .]
hey, kids.
[ zwip! .]
oh, god.
[ zwip! .]
oh, god.
what's next? oh, god.
what's next? [ mock sobbing .]
what's next? [ mock sobbing .]
should crazy steve read a story [ mock sobbing .]
should crazy steve read a story or take a crazy bubble bath? Should crazy steve read a story or take a crazy bubble bath? take a crazy bubble bath! Or take a crazy bubble bath? take a crazy bubble bath! bubble bath! take a crazy bubble bath! bubble bath! [ laughter .]
bubble bath! [ laughter .]
[ men chanting "bubble bath" .]
[ laughter .]
[ men chanting "bubble bath" .]
hey, crazy steve.
[ men chanting "bubble bath" .]
hey, crazy steve.
hi, kids.
hey, crazy steve.
hi, kids.
oh, my god.
He's gross.
hi, kids.
oh, my god.
He's gross.
ew! oh, my god.
He's gross.
ew! ohh.
ew! ohh.
Oh, my god! ohh.
Oh, my god! it's so soapy in here.
Oh, my god! it's so soapy in here.
oh, my god.
it's so soapy in here.
oh, my god.
He's so hairy.
oh, my god.
He's so hairy.
let's go.
He's so hairy.
let's go.
What else do you got, bud? let's go.
What else do you got, bud? uh.
What else do you got, bud? uh.
Uh, I don't think -- I don't -- uh.
Uh, I don't think -- I don't -- yeah, I don't think anybody Uh, I don't think -- I don't -- yeah, I don't think anybody wants to see any other Yeah, I don't think anybody wants to see any other questions.
Wants to see any other questions.
yes, we do! Questions.
yes, we do! no! yes, we do! no! yes! no! yes! no! yes! no! all right, next question -- no! all right, next question -- do you want the guys to clean all right, next question -- do you want the guys to clean the toilet Do you want the guys to clean the toilet Or do you want them to feed the The toilet Or do you want them to feed the toilet? Or do you want them to feed the toilet? feed the toilet! Toilet? feed the toilet! feed the toilet! feed the toilet! feed the toilet! the toilet only eats dress feed the toilet! the toilet only eats dress clothes.
the toilet only eats dress clothes.
dress clothes.
Clothes.
dress clothes.
[ children chanting "feed it" .]
dress clothes.
[ children chanting "feed it" .]
but wait right here.
[ children chanting "feed it" .]
but wait right here.
I just got these out of the but wait right here.
I just got these out of the closet.
I just got these out of the closet.
no, no, no, no, no.
Closet.
no, no, no, no, no.
Don't you -- don't you dare.
no, no, no, no, no.
Don't you -- don't you dare.
and the toilet's hungry.
Don't you -- don't you dare.
and the toilet's hungry.
don't you dare.
and the toilet's hungry.
don't you dare.
are you hungry? don't you dare.
are you hungry? [ deep voice .]
why, yes, are you hungry? [ deep voice .]
why, yes, I amhungry.
[ deep voice .]
why, yes, I amhungry.
that's -- I just -- I just I amhungry.
that's -- I just -- I just got them steamed one week ago.
that's -- I just -- I just got them steamed one week ago.
toilet! Got them steamed one week ago.
toilet! [ deep voice .]
yeah, nom, toilet! [ deep voice .]
yeah, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom! [ deep voice .]
yeah, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom! Nom, nom! Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom! Nom, nom! I eat dress clothes! Nom, nom! I eat dress clothes! oh, no.
I eat dress clothes! oh, no.
I can't even -- I can't even oh, no.
I can't even -- I can't even say bad words.
I can't even -- I can't even say bad words.
oh, this is great.
Say bad words.
oh, this is great.
Isn't murr's play house so oh, this is great.
Isn't murr's play house so much fun? Isn't murr's play house so much fun? yeah, it's fun! Much fun? yeah, it's fun! it is for us.
It is for us.
yeah, it's fun! it is for us.
It is for us.
okay, guys.
it is for us.
It is for us.
okay, guys.
The next question is okay, guys.
The next question is I'm not reading the next The next question is I'm not reading the next question.
I'm not reading the next question.
[ laughter .]
Question.
[ laughter .]
just do it! [ laughter .]
just do it! just do it! Just do it! just do it! just do it! Just do it! I'm not reading the just do it! Just do it! I'm not reading the question.
I'm not reading the question.
it's a punishment.
Question.
it's a punishment.
I'm not gonna read this it's a punishment.
I'm not gonna read this question.
I'm not gonna read this question.
read it! Question.
read it! hey, kids, do you want us read it! hey, kids, do you want us to take a nap, or do you want hey, kids, do you want us to take a nap, or do you want us to smash a television?! To take a nap, or do you want us to smash a television?! smash the tv! Us to smash a television?! smash the tv! well, look what I have right smash the tv! well, look what I have right here! well, look what I have right here! it's the super-duper Here! it's the super-duper smasher sledgehammer! it's the super-duper smasher sledgehammer! guys, no.
Smasher sledgehammer! guys, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
guys, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [ laughs .]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [ laughs .]
all righty.
[ laughs .]
all righty.
that's not funny.
all righty.
that's not funny.
1 that's not funny.
1 oh, god! 1 oh, god! 23! oh, god! 23! ha ha! 23! ha ha! ohh! ha ha! ohh! [ all cheer .]
ohh! [ all cheer .]
we smashed your tv! [ all cheer .]
we smashed your tv! we smashed your tv, fool! we smashed your tv! yes! yes! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I can't get enough of I can't get enough of smashing this tv! Smashing this tv! whoo! whoo! aaaah! aaaah! ohh! ohh! kids, thank you coming to kids, thank you coming to murr's play house.
Murr's play house.
Stay in school.
Stay in school.
bye, everybody.
bye, everybody.
I'm gonna kick some ass.