Lovejoy (1986) s03e13 Episode Script

There were some Polaroids in the pigsty and one was of the original bureau cabinet.
So I brought them back here including one of the redhead Redhead? What redhead? My jacket was in the wardrobe and the Polaroids were in the pocket.
The ones from the pigsty are gone, unless they're I took these with Edward's camera.
Right? I saw Edward coming up here before dinner.
- (Dog barks) - What's Edward got to do with it? Shut up! I'll tell you what Edward's got to do with it.
Look out! Oh, Lovejoy.
Lovejoy.
Lovejoy.
Are you all right? Oh, my Oh.
Oh.
Janey.
Your pal Fraser, the Oscar Wilde of the timber business, is he your idea of a good time? Why do you want to know that? Just curious.
I'd like to know what turns you on.
Well - The truth? - Of course.
- (Sighs) You may not like it.
- Try me.
Well the kind of man who turns me on Hello, hello.
What have we got here? - You are the most exasperating - No, Janey.
You know that an old portfolio always makes the hairs on the back of my head stand up.
I'm glad something's in working order.
Now what have we here? You've got that look on your face.
These are working drawings, Jane, look at the grid.
Black and white chalk.
Occasional flash of pencil.
Wait a minute.
Yeah, I know what this is.
This is This is Cleopatra's Banquet.
See that? She's just about to dissolve her largest pearl in a glass of wine, which she will drink to pledge her love for Antony.
The way that hand's drawn holding the pearl.
Oh.
What's happened here? The drawing just ends with that slave chopped in the middle.
Oh, it would have continued on another sheet, which is obviously missing.
It's Baroque, isn't it? It's obviously Italian.
Oh, look.
The pigsty.
It's signed "TF" and dated 1788.
There's something written on the back.
- In Italian.
- (Lovejoy) In Italian? It's a letter.
I don't know if my menu Italian's up to this.
Erm"My dear sister" Er, something, something.
"The skies are" Er, opening.
"pouring forth.
" Something, erm - I think he's moaning about the weather.
- What, in Scotland? Surely not.
Lovejoy, are these valuable? If you're asking me, yeah.
I was just thinking, this could be the answer to Katriona's problems.
Listen.
What? I don't hear anything.
Exactly.
Hector.
Oh, my God.
You don't think he's What will I tell Katriona? (Dog barks) Thank you, Katriona, it was great.
I'll have someone look at the drawings as soon as I get to London.
You won't forget about that other little matter? - I'll see what I can do.
- Here's Robert.
Come on, Jane.
Time to go.
Are you away? No, Lovejoy is.
I'm just taking him to the airport.
Excellent.
(Laughs) You'll not forget I promised you a tour of the woods, Lady Jane.
Super.
I can't wait.
- (Beeps horn) - All right, all right.
Hello.
(Laughs) Edward? You think Edward stole the bureau cabinet? What an extraordinary suggestion.
He spent what little money Katriona had left on his ridiculous salmon and deer farming ventures.
He had some bad luck.
And don't forget his health problems.
Health problems? Have you seen him eat? Have you seen him drink? I wish I had his health problems.
I see.
Suddenly you're a medical expert.
And then there's the redhead and the missing Polaroids.
Oh, yes.
Edward's mysterious girlfriend.
I don't know what's got into you, Lovejoy.
OK, OK.
Just remember what I said about family heirlooms, selling them off.
Always brings out the worst in people.
Oh, and Janey, while I'm away, would you have a good look round for the other parts of those drawings? Sandra? Sandra? Sandra? (Sighs) Morning, Tinker.
Either we were visited during the night by a particularly untalented modernist sculptor, or you shelled out good money for this junk.
Well, it was only a tenner.
I was after the lawn mower.
Very collectable now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I gave up worrying years ago, I'd worry about you, Eric.
Lovejoy returns today.
You'd better find somewhere to hide this.
I doubt he shares your enthusiasm for rustic implements.
Today? Lovejoy comes back today? Oh.
Time stands still at Lovejoy and Associates.
Nothing has stirred since I departed.
Yes, it has.
Tinker, you've changed your shirt, and Eric, I do believe you've finished that table.
We have been a hive of activity, haven't we, Eric? - What? - Eric, are you all right? You look peaky.
- Me? I'm all right.
- How was Scotland? Oh, thank you for asking, Tinker.
Scotland.
Well, the countryside was beautiful, and the natives, with one or two exceptions, were very, very charming.
My bedroom was so damp, salmon were starting to spawn in it, and my hostess's 17th-century Italian bureau cabinet turned out to be about as Italian as Eric and a little younger.
Throw in an invalid husband, a dotty mother, and a mystery woman who haunts the glens and you've got the flavor of it.
What dull dogs we are by comparison, eh, Eric? Oh, yeah, dull.
Not half.
However, I did manage to come across these, Tink.
Cleopatra.
The very same.
Am I right in saying these are rather good? You are.
Incomplete.
- They're just working drawings, aren't they? - An assistant would transfer them onto canvas.
There's no signs of the The paintings? No.
This is a neoclassical folly that's in the grounds.
There's the loch, there's the mountain.
(Tinker) An Italian letter.
There were a lot of Italian craftsmen in Scotland in the 18th century.
Even now you can wander into the most nondescript laird's house and discover a magnificent Italianate ceiling.
Wander into Kilbeg House, you'll trip over a bucket that's been put there to catch the drips.
You eat dinner off the remnants of half a dozen dinner services, the hallmarks have worn off all the silver, and the glassware's got more chips in it than a fish supper.
As for paintings, what is there? There's a couple of murky daubs of bloodthirsty ancestors the most interesting of whom was so in love with his pigs, he built this folly for them.
Not exactly a treasure house of the Italian Renaissance.
Not exactly.
Talking of wandering craftsmen, Lovejoy, I think I've found out where Archie Letts the cabinetmaker is.
He retired to Theydon Bois it seems.
Go and see him, will you, Tink? And show him these and see if they ring a bell.
I'm gonna get a second opinion on these.
I hate to mention it, Lovejoy, but I can't see Archie Letts giving me time of day without the prospect of some remuneration.
Well, Eric, it looks like we're going to have to get you a job.
(Laughs) Who are you thinking of taking the pictures to? - Lovejoy.
- Adrian Deschelles.
- Rather you than me.
- (Eric) Lovejoy.
I know he's a complete slimeball, Tink, but he does know his stuff.
Yes, Eric, what is it? Erm Well, there's something I'd like to tell you.
Well, spit it out, Eric.
Er (Both) Er What is wrong with you, Eric? Well - I met this girl - Oh, Tink! Eric's met a girl! Don't do that! Er What I mean is, erm - There was something about her.
- Eric.
- I do not wish to hear about your sex life.
- (Car horn) It's Dave Goodis.
Ho-ho.
Cash.
At last.
(Sighs) You're not well, are you? It's a pleasure doing business with you, David.
Oh, likewise, Lovejoy.
- Likewise.
- (Laughs) - Er, Dave, could I have a word? - Yes.
What's on your mind, Eric? Billy Wilson was in the pub with you the other night.
Scruffy bloke, says he sells you a piece now and then.
Oh.
Billy Wilson.
Oh, I wouldn't take anything off him.
Not for a gift.
You wouldn't happen to know where he lives, would you? Pennington way, I think.
But I wouldn't have anything to do with him.
He's a bad man.
Adrian Deschelles is a thief, a cheat and a liar.
I wouldn't trust him as far as I'd like to throw him.
But he does have one priceless asset uncontrollable body language, in particular, a nervous twitching of the head whilst fiddling with a tie knot.
That means the bastard's seen something he likes.
"TF" is almost certainly Tulio Fattori.
Born in Venice, 1740-something.
Went to Madrid as an assistant to Tiepolo, 1762.
Hence the Antony and Cleopatra theme, one of Tiepolo's favorites as I recall, right, Adrian? Fattori would have been no more than a child, of course.
Probably ran errands for Tiepolo's sons, - Domenico and, er - Lorenzo.
Tiepolo died in 1770.
Fattori, never more than a hack at his best, wandered round Europe getting work where he could.
Ended up in England, did an altar piece here, a ceiling there.
Died in obscurity.
Not to mention poverty.
So what do you reckon, Adrian? The only real interest lies in the Tiepolo connection, which is tenuous to say the least.
What we have here is a clumsy pastiche of the worst excesses of the Baroque era.
Added to which, these large drawings are incomplete.
No, they're they're really of no interest to me whatsoever, Lovejoy.
As you say, Adrian.
However, there is a certain curiosity value, so I may be prepared to go to seven.
Seven? - And a half.
- And a half? Deschelles here.
I've got some rather interesting news about our friend (Adrian) Tulio Fattori.
All right.
Let's have it.
- Tinker.
- (Laughs) - Long time no see.
- Archie.
Come out the back, I'll open the bar.
- I thought you'd never ask.
- (They laugh) Yeah.
Yeah, this is one of mine.
A copy of a Dutch piece.
Lovely bit of walnut.
Flew me up to Scotland, he did.
Five-star hotel, all the trimmings.
Who did? (Speaks in Italian) (Knock at door) Hello, Maria.
Archie Letts was hired by a dealer named Molyneaux.
According to Archie, he was taken up (Speaks in Italian) Maria.
Would you do me Well, it's a It's a little favor.
Would you translate this for me? This is old handwriting, Lovejoy.
Very difficult.
Let me see.
"My dear sister, "For the third day running, "the skies have opened to pour forth yet more freezing rain.
"And now I find that my noble patron, "an "an imbecile and a madman, "has brought me here under false pretences.
"I am not to work on the public rooms of his vile mansion, "I am to embellish "the squalid and ludicrous dwelling, "which my noble patron has constructed "for his beloved "swine"? Frescoes, that's what these drawings were for, not paintings.
Poor old Tulio Fattori.
No wonder he was cheesed off, Tink.
Apprentice to the great Tiepolo forced to go to Scotland to decorate a pigsty.
- Who'd be a painter? - Yeah, who indeed.
Where do we find this bloke Molyneaux? Islington.
(Bell rings) (Lovejoy) No, it has to be English.
Look at the dovetail.
Surely the feet aren't right.
- Maybe it's a marriage.
- An unhappy one.
- Can I help you, gentlemen? - We're looking for a Mr.
Molyneaux.
- I'm he.
- Excellent.
I'm Lovejoy.
Excellent.
I'm Dill.
You sold a piece for a friend of ours and had a copy made.
Late 18th-century Dutch bureau cabinet.
Mr.
Dill.
Oh, no.
It's about the drawings, isn't it? I knew this would happen.
Better come downstairs.
I I brought the bureau cabinet down from Scotland.
But the buyer I'd lined up dropped out.
Well I'd had a terrible year.
The bank was breathing down my neck, so I contacted another customer of mine, Gerald Somers.
Reluctantly, I hasten to add, but I was desperate.
And I knew he'd jump at the bureau cabinet.
Anyhow, he came round to the shop to give it the once-over.
You told him where the cabinet came from? Yes, there seemed no reason not to, not at that point.
So, Somers came to give it the once-over.
Yes.
And I was right, he loved it.
Oh, he moaned about the patina, the wear and tear, but he was all over it, licking his lips.
That's when he found the drawings.
Jammed down the back, behind the drawers.
Got so excited he practically had a heart attack.
Describe the drawings.
Well Scenes of antiquity, that sort of thing.
Someone said something about Antony and Cleopatra.
They were incomplete, I think.
Look I told Somers the drawings ought to go back to Kilbeg House.
I I put my foot down.
Not hard enough.
Right.
Right.
I I I've done a few deals with Somers in the past, not quite cricket.
You see what I'm driving at? He told me if I made a fuss about the drawings, he'd drop me in it with the police.
And he meant it.
I never saw any drawings, he said.
And he took them away with the bureau cabinet.
What else could I have done? Answer me that.
Thanks, Mr.
Molyneaux.
You've been a great help.
You won't tell Somers I've talked to you, for God's sake.
I don't want to go to prison.
Who were you acting for when you sold Somers the cabinet? You said the owner was a friend of yours.
Did I? Just exactly who the hell are you, for God's sake? Thank you for your help.
You didn't get any help from me.
I didn't tell you a thing.
( Pop music on radio) 'Scuse.
Move paper.
(Eric) Ooh! Thank God you're here.
You've got to help me get away from them.
- (Horse) Sandra! - Look, look.
Meet me at the pub, half seven, OK? - You gotta be there.
- Yeah.
Where's my t-t-tea? (Phone rings) - Hello? - Lovejoy.
Duncan asked me to call you.
Janey, don't worry about the drawings.
No luck yet, I'm afraid.
Katriona and I spent hours in the attic.
I just said don't worry about them.
I know where they are, at least I know who's got them.
Is Gerald Somers still staying there? No, all the PGs left today.
Why? Doesn't matter, I'll tell you when I see you.
I'm coming up tomorrow.
You must listen to this, Janey.
Tulio Fattori was an Italian who specialized in frescoes.
I've got to go, Lovejoy.
Robert's waiting to take me out to dinner.
Tell me all about it tomorrow.
Yeah, tomorrow.
OK.
- The mirror.
- I got it back for you, Eric.
Are you glad? - Who's that, then? - Horse's brother.
I used to go out with him.
He's a mate.
But Horse is your brother.
No.
No, he's not.
He's my boyfriend.
No, he he was my boyfriend.
He's not now.
Look, I thought that if I told you - I thought that if I told you I'd put you off.
- You mean I wouldn't invite you back - and you wouldn't be able to swap the mirrors.
- Look, I didn't want to do it! Billy and Horse made me.
And who's Billy? Your mother, I suppose.
No, he's my dad.
Really.
Well, I don't know what to believe anymore, Sandra.
Look, Eric.
I've been trying to get away from them for years! And I've done it.
I've changed my life.
You got your bloody mirror back.
Do you want me back as well or not? Look, I think you're an extraordinary, interesting person.
In fact, that's the understatement of the year, you're a social worker's nightmare.
Look, I'm an associate, I've got a career.
OK, Eric, I get the message.
No, look, Sandra, I hadn't finished.
- Look, listen.
- See you in another life, Eric.
Listen, Sandra, listen.
No, listen.
Listen to me, Sandra.
No.
Stop.
Good morning, Tinker.
Morning.
Where's your luggage? - Fair enough.
- (Eric) Have a nice time.
Ah, Eric, while I'm away I know.
Don't buy anything, don't sell anything, don't breathe.
He's got it.
You've got it, Eric.
(Plays harmonica) Yeah.
Er, Eric Catchpole, Lovejoy Associates.
Look, er, I've got a piece you might be interested in.
- Gerald Somers hasn't gone from the area.
- (Harmonica continues) He's moved into the local hotel.
Robert and I went there for a drink last night, we bumped into him.
Oh, that sounds fun.
Tink, think we'll book you into the local hotel.
Well, I hope they've got a license.
Tink, it's not my fault if there's no duty-free booze on a flight to Scotland.
Well, they should have.
I mean, God knows, it's a foreign country.
If you'd be so kind as to sign the register.
Er, it's just the single you're wanting, is it? - That's correct.
- Oh, look, darling.
Gerald Somers is staying here.
- Oh, that's nice.
- No, not you, darling.
He's an old friend.
How long is he staying? Mr.
Somers? He's booked with us until Monday.
Super.
Yes, it's a 17th-century Florentine cassetta, and it's in very good No, Lovejoy's in Scotland at the moment.
I'm Eric Catchpole, I'm an associate.
No, Lovejoy hasn't seen the mirror himself, but I can assure you that it's in (Sighs) Well, thank you and goodbye.
Sandra.
Hi.
Hello, Eric.
You shouldn't have run off like that last night.
I know, Eric, but I'd just walked out on my dad and my boyfriend.
- I was in a state of emotional turmoil.
- Well, so was I.
One minute I had a 17th-century looking glass, the next I had something you get free with four gallons of unleaded.
Don't start.
It was you who conned my dad in the first place.
OK.
Let's call it quits.
Quits it is.
I missed you.
Oh, did you really? Oh, Eric, that's wonderful.
What the bloody hell do they want? (Gasps) Get down! (Police radio) What are you doing, Sandra? - That bastard Horse, I didn't think he'd do it.
- Do what? - He threatened to tell the police if I left.
- Tell the police what? - The mirror's stolen.
- But it isn't, so what's the problem? It is.
How else would my dad get hold of something like that? Oh, great.
Follow me out the back.
Gerald Somers must have stayed here half a dozen times in the last six months.
I must admit, it puzzled me.
He didn't seem the draughty house with a leaking roof type.
He was looking for something.
Fortunately for us, he was looking in all the wrong places.
Listen, I've no wish to detract from the excitement, Lovejoy, but what if you're wrong? What if Fattori failed to fulfill his commission? His letter certainly expressed a disinclination to embellish a pigsty, however grand.
Tink, the first time I went into that pigsty, I got the whole buzz.
I mean the back of the neck, the soles of the feet, the palms of the hands.
I knew something was in there, I just couldn't figure out what.
What is it? - I don't know.
It's this place.
- Sh.
Sh.
Don't move.
Redhead.
Tink, look.
I can't see anything.
(Door creaks) Oh.
Look at that.
Beautiful.
Not bad.
Not bad at all.
(Lovejoy) Antony.
Stepping down from his barge on the Nile.
(Katriona) It's Lady Mary who had this covered up.
She hated this place and she hated the pigs.
What happened to the pigs? She ate them.
(They laugh) God, I've just sold the wood to Robert Fraser.
Well, explain the situation to him.
I mean, tell him the pigsty has family connections.
There's no need to mention the frescoes, I'm sure you'll be able to come to some agreement.
Robert had to go to Glasgow.
He won't be back until tomorrow.
Yes.
Well, we'll have to wait until then.
In the meantime let's keep this under wraps.
(Lovejoy) Mmm.
I'm surprised Fraser didn't ask you to go to Glasgow with him.
As a matter of fact, he did.
Why didn't you? I'm beginning to wonder.
- Have you seen Edward? - No.
Why? I thought it was about time I told him about the bureau cabinet, and the drawings and the whole business.
He took it incredibly badly.
He went red and then he went white, then he started hyperventilating.
"Edward," I said, "Go and lie down.
" I haven't seen him since.
I'm terribly worried, Jane.
I saw the gentleman about half an hour ago running for the wood.
I think I know where he is, Katriona.
Stay here with Jane.
Don't worry about him, he'll be all right.
Come on, Tink.
Edward must have needed to make money fast.
Maybe the girlfriend was threatening to make trouble for him.
Anyway, he spends what little money Katriona has left on his business ventures, so he has to sell the bureau cabinet.
Meanwhile, she, ever-adoring Katriona, waits on him hand and foot, suspecting nothing.
We live in a cruel world, Lovejoy.
- Lovejoy.
- Hello, Edward.
This is the man I was telling you about, Margaret.
I know.
I've seen him in the woods.
I've seen you too.
Well, almost.
You keep disappearing.
- Perhaps you weren't looking hard enough.
- Maybe not.
It's a good trick, though.
- Maybe I should learn it.
- Och, it's nothing you can learn.
You have to be born with it.
You're gonna have to tell Katriona, Edward.
Tell her what, Lovejoy? About how he sold the bureau cabinet.
I sold the bureau cabinet, Lovejoy.
On Lady Rebecca's instructions.
It was, after all, hers to sell.
This is my daughter Margaret.
Mr.
Brooksby here.
His talent for losing money was such that Lady Rebecca and I feared there'd be nothing left in the estate to provide for Margaret.
But why would Lady Rebecca want to provide for your daughter, Duncan? Because, Lovejoy she's our daughter.
I I think I'll go and get a breath of fresh air.
Lady Rebecca and I were worried, you see that if the secret came out, it would be impossible for us to live under the same roof.
And that would have been unbearable.
For both of us.
Well, I suppose it's time to break the news to Katriona.
Excuse me.
Edward.
I, erm I owe you an apology.
Well, actually, you don't.
No, the joke is I was going to sell that bureau cabinet.
So I had it valued and made the same discovery you had.
Lady Rebecca had beaten me to it.
Duncan found out what I was up to and swore me to secrecy.
It's quite a relief, really.
It's not quite my style, that sort of stunt.
No, it's not.
Ooh.
Bad? It's like a sort of avant-garde percussion solo.
Oh, well.
Might as well face the music, I suppose.
So I can't be right every time.
(Chuckles) Goodbye, Lovejoy.
Margaret, can I ask (Tinker) Lovejoy! Tink.
All right? I wish she'd stop doing that.
Look at this.
This trench.
It wasn't here this morning.
No, it certainly wasn't.
Well, it looks like we need someone to stay on the spot, - keep an eye on things.
- Yeah.
Oh, no, Lovejoy! No.
(Sighs) - (Knock at door) - Yeah.
Come in.
I saw the light under your door.
How's Katriona? Not bad, I suppose, considering the news.
Poor Edward came in for a bit of a tongue-lashing.
Yeah, I bet.
You see, Margaret was adopted.
As soon as she was old enough, she decided to track down her real parents.
Pitched up on the doorstep one day, gave Duncan a real turn.
He thought Katriona would kick him out if she knew, hence the clandestine meetings in the pigsty.
Which reminds me, have you rung Fraser? I tried his hotel, yes, but he wasn't in.
Out? At this time? The man's an animal.
Lovejoy, you've got to stop this.
Every time a man comes along who who shows any interest in me, you you make it impossible.
Well, that's good coming from you.
You're as bad.
Me? Well, that's ridiculous.
The woman I took out, who bought the Chelsea figure.
- Her? She was frightful.
- Yeah, you see? Well, she was! Yeah.
Yeah, she was.
You're right.
And You're right about Fraser, he's frightful too.
Boring, conceited, pompous (Sighs) That's what's so irritating.
- What? - The fact that you're right.
We've got to do something about it, Janey.
Well, what do you suggest? Lovejoy.
(Dog barks) A little A little bit more gently this time.
(Dog howls) - (She sighs) - Bloody animal, I'll kill it.
- We could always go to my room.
- Could we? - Yeah.
- Give me a couple of minutes.
Lovejoy, is this sensible? - Oh, no.
- Oh, good.
Wee, sleekit, cowrin', tim'rous beastie.
(Owl hoots) You haven't fallen asleep, have you? Hm? Huh? That's not very flattering, Lovejoy.
I thought you were going to clean your teeth, not go to the dentist.
Move over.
I usually sleep on that side.
(As Bogart) Who said anything about sleeping, sweetheart? Come on.
Let me.
(Sniffs) What's wrong? You-you-you Smell different.
I put some moisturizer on.
What's wrong? Don't you like it? No, no, no.
It's fine.
Just different.
Well, I can't go round drenched in Eau de Givenchy all the time.
- If you like, I'll go and wash it off.
- No! Don't, don't move.
It took us half an hour to get this far, don't start again.
- What? - Sh.
- (Vehicle approaching, faint) - Mm! - What's wrong? - No.
Don't.
No, no, no.
No, it can't be.
(Engine rumbling) Lovejoy, is this some sort of Oriental technique? There it is again.
I I I hope it isn't, but There's something horribly familiar about that sound.
(She sighs) (Eric panting) Eric.
Lovejoy.
Ah.
So we got on the bike and came up here.
The last-ditch emergency slush fund, Eric.
- Sorry, Lovejoy.
- Oh, don't get heavy on him, Lovejoy.
He was brilliant with my dad and Horse.
And he got us away from the cops.
Meeting Eric has changed my life.
Yeah, well, you're right about one thing, Eric.
The mirror, it's very good.
Where did you say your father acquired this? Havering Manor.
Yeah, well, you know it's got to go back there, don't you? (Eric) Yeah, right.
Whatever you say, Lovejoy.
(Rumbling) (Rumbling) (Rumbling continues) - Robert, how could you? - Now, Katriona, be fair.
I asked you about the pigsty and you said you didn't care what happened to it.
- If I'd had the slightest inkling - You'll have to tell him it was a mistake.
- A mistake? - Robert has sold the pigsty to Gerald Somers.
Give him his money back.
You can't sell the pigsty.
- What makes you think he'll agree to that? - Think of the sentimental value.
- Look.
- Katriona hates it.
- It's been in the family for generations.
- Will everybody stop? Look.
What? I can't see anything.
Exactly.
(Katriona) Well, he didn't waste much time, did he? - He must have found out about the frescoes.
- Yeah.
Katriona.
I'm terribly sorry.
I wonder where he went with them.
I know where.
That's her, isn't it? Where, Margaret? Out on the loch.
What? Why would Gerald Somers go to all that trouble? Why didn't he just cut the frescoes out? Because their value is in situ.
In the place they were painted in.
Chop them out, they're only worth half as much.
Well, if he's got the whole damn thing, that's that, isn't it? No.
I don't think so.
Janey, call the police.
Tell them to go to the old quay at the end of the loch.
Duncan and I will meet them there.
What can the police do, Lovejoy? The pigsty belongs to Gerald Somers, it is his.
Just get them there.
Yeah, I appreciate your help, Duncan.
Och, it will be no problem.
The hotel manager's an old friend of mine.
Hey! What are you doing in there? Where the hell are you sailing this pigsty? Hamish! Can we borrow your boat? - Lovejoy.
- What do you think you're playing at? Me? Me? You abduct me in the middle of the night, you risk my life in a a pigsty on all this water - and you want to know what I'm playing at?! - Get this man off my property.
Apart from getting rid of this idiot, Lovejoy, you've had a wasted journey.
This pigsty belongs to me now.
Absolutely legal, signed, sealed and delivered.
Maybe, but you're gonna give it back.
Along with the missing Fattori drawings.
Oh, come now, Lovejoy.
Nobody's gonna believe I've got those.
The law might.
Especially if they hear that you've got a 17th-century Italian mirror hidden in your hotel room that was nicked in Essex last week.
- I don't believe you.
- The man's telling the truth, Somers.
Somers.
I raise my hand and Jane tells the police.
No.
Stop! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a toast.
Tulio Fattori.
(All) Tulio Fattori.
Lovejoy, thank you.
Are you warm enough, Edward? Don't want you catching a chill.
No, I'm fine, fine, fine.
Except this rather peculiar stinging sensation in my left arm.
Oh, God.
What would Katriona do if he suddenly got healthy? Divorce him, probably.
Lady Jane.
(Laughs) - Hello, Robert.
- Hello.
(Laughs) Lovejoy.
About last night.
Erm (Clears throat) I was gonna say, er I was glad Eric turned up when he did.
You are? Really? Well, I'm so glad.
I mean we have such a nice time.
Yeah.
It would be a shame to make a mess of things.
Which we undoubtedly would.
Mm.
(Clears throat) And on top of which, I have to sleep on the right.
Me too.
- It's no good, Eric.
Leave me alone.
- Sandra, come back.
I hate my life, Eric! (Eric) Just calm down a minute.
Have I ever shown you my Gay Gordons? (Lovejoy) The Tulio Fattori drawings did very well at auction.
I got my commission and Katriona will get a new roof for the house.
The stolen mirror was returned by an anonymous do-gooder.
Eric and Sandra decided to give it another go.
And Edward's seeing an acupuncturist.
I'm glad everything worked out, Lovejoy.
(Groans) Charlie? Charlie.
Maria? I'm here, my darling.
Maria.
I was having this terrible dream.
I could hear Lovejoy's voice.
He was telling some story about Scotland, going on and on.
I thought I've got to wake up or he'll drive me mad.
Charlie.
Surprise.
Lovejoy.
I wonder when he'll be well enough to write a check.