Moonlighting s03e13 Episode Script

DID YOU WATCH MOONLIGHTING LAST WEEK? NO.
IT WAS A REPEAT AGAIN.
NO, I HAVE A CLASS ON TUESDAY NIGHTS.
I USED TO WATCH IT A LOT, BUT- NO, WE- OH, NO.
NO, I HAD BETTER THINGS TO DO.
I WAS WRITING LETTERS.
I'M SURE I DID, BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THAT FAR BACK.
WELL, TOM HARMON IS APPARENTLY MAKING HIS PRESENCE KNOWN ON THE SERIES.
THEY MET A LONG TIME AGO- THAT HE WAS AN OLD FRIEND OF HERS.
WHEN I GOT THERE, THERE WAS A MESSAGE FROM AN OLD FRIEND.
WE GOT TOGETHER, STAYED UP A LITTLE LATE.
I'M SORRY.
I WASN'T THINKING.
AN OLD FRIEND.
YEAH, I'VE KNOWN SAM SINCE I WAS 6.
PROMISED HIM SOME LUNCH, AND I'VE GOT A COUPLE OF THINGS I WANT TO DO.
BE BACK HERE ABOUT ON THIS CASE? YEAH, GREAT.
BYE.
SAM.
DAVID BEGINS TO GET VERY JEALOUS.
AND, UH, HE WAS ON A CASE- HOW MAY WE HELP YOU? I THINK MY BOYFRIEND IS IN LOVE WITH HIS WIFE.
I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD DO THIS ONE BY YOURSELF.
I SEE.
WHY IS THAT? I HAVE PLANS.
PLANS? I'M HAVING DINNER.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I WASN'T CLEAR.
THIS IS THE DELUXE STAKEOUT PACKAGE- DINNER'S INCLUDED.
I'M HAVING DINNER WITH SOMEONE.
OH ANY SOMEONE I KNOW? MY FRIEND.
SID? SAM.
AHA.
MADDIE WAS GOING OUT ON A DATE WITH MARK HARMON.
DAVID ADDISON HAD INVITED HIMSELF TO JOIN THEM.
DAVID! EVENING.
HI.
HI.
DAVID? FORGIVE ME, I'M SORRY.
SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR DINNER.
IT'S JUST THAT THERE'S, UH, KIND OF AN EMERGENCY.
THAT'S WHEN HE WANTED TO TELL MADDIE HAYES THAT HE LOVED HER.
I, UH KIND OF REALIZED SOMETHING LAST NIGHT.
WHAT? WELL I MADE A DECISION.
BIG DECISION.
GOD, MADDIE WHAT, DAVID? LOOK, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS- HI.
BACK TOO SOON? DAVID ADDISON GOT JUST SMASHED.
SLOSHED.
DRUNK.
HE MADE A FOOL OF HIMSELF.
WHOOSH HA HA HA HA! YOU KNOW, PERSONALLY, I THINK SPACE TRAVEL'S HIGHLY OVERRATED.
THEY GOT NO STEWARDESSES, NO MOVIES.
NO DRINKING.
OOH, I'M SORRY.
I THOUGHT WE WERE CELEBRATING.
AREN'T WE CELEBRATING, SAMMY? OH YEAH, WE'RE DEFINITELY- YOU BETCHA WE'RE CELEBRATING.
I PREFER TERRA FIRMA.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE FIRMA THE TERRA, THE BETTER.
HOO! HA HA HA HA HA HA! MARK HARMON HAS TO TAKE BRUCE HOME AND PUT HIM TO BED.
TRY NOT TO FALL OUT OF BED.
HEY, LUKE? YEAH.
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
RAT BASTARD.
MARK HARMON ENDED UP GOING BACK TO MADDIE, AND THEY HAD A GOOD TIME.
* ALL THOSE IN-BETWEEN YEARS * * COME WHAT MAY * THEY ENDED UP MAKING LOVE, AND SHE LOOKED TO THE SIDE LIKE SHE WAS THINKING OF BRUCE.
I ENJOY THE LOVE SCENES.
* SOME WALK BY NIGHT * * SOME FLY BY DAY * * NOTHING COULD CHANGE YOU * * SET AND SURE OF THE WAY * * THERE IS THE SUN AND MOON * * THEY SING THEIR OWN SWEET TUNE * * WATCH THEM WHEN DAWN IS DUE * * SHARING ONE SPACE * * WE'LL WALK BY NIGHT, BABE * * WE'LL FLY BY DAY * * MOONLIGHTING STRANGERS * * WHO JUST MET ON THE WAY * CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT SLEEP GOOD? YOU GOING TO BE OK? YEAH.
I'M GOING TO BE OK.
EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OK.
MORNING, MS.
DIPESTO.
PLEASE HOLD.
MORNING, MISS HAYES.
DO YOU KNOW A WORD THAT RHYMES WITH PERPENDICULAR? THAT'S EXTRACURRICULAR.
HE'S NOT IN YET.
GOOD.
COME IN! I HAVE YOUR MESSAGES.
THANK YOU.
COME IN! MORNING, MISS HAYES! WELL, I PUT THIS BABY TO SLEEP.
IT'S OVER AND OUT.
THE FAT LADY SANG! WHILE I'M ON THE SUBJECT, DO WE HAVE ANY TOMATO JUICE? HEY, HERBERT.
SO-HI.
SO, I'M IN THIS HOTEL ROOM, RIGHT, AND IT'S ABOUT 5 A.
M.
, AND YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THE PLACES ON YOUR BODY THAT START ITCHING BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES, LIKE, ALL NIGHT LONG.
AND I'M LOOKING THROUGH THIS STATE-OF-THE-ART TELEPHOTO LENS, AND I'M THINKING TO MYSELF, "MY GOSH! IT JUST DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!" MR.
VIOLA, MAYBE IF YOU CALM DOWN- OH, YEAH.
RIGHT.
SORRY! ARTIFICIAL STIMULANTS.
HAVE YOU EVER DONE, LIKE, ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, UH-AAH! WHAT WAS I SAYING? UH-OH, YES! AN ENTIRE NIGHT OF BETROTHED BLISS, YOU KNOW? NO, I DON'T.
THE McCLAFFERTY CASE! HUSBAND AND WIFE SHACKED UP IN A HOTEL.
THE MISTRESS IS SURE HE'S CHEATING ON HER.
I CAPTURED THE ENTIRE THING ON FILM! DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS NOW? I'VE KIND OF ARRANGED THESE IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER SO AS TO COINCIDE WITH THE ACTUAL PROGRESSION OF THE- MR.
VIOLA.
UH, THIS GETS A LITTLE HEADY ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE STACK.
THIS ONE'S LIKE A 3-ALARM FIRE.
NOT THE KIND OF THING THAT YOU WANT A LADY TO SEE.
THANK YOU, HERBERT.
NOT THAT YOU'RE NOT A LADY, MISS HAYES.
ISN'T THAT ONE UPSIDE DOWN? THANK YOU, MR.
VIOLA, THAT'S VERY PROFESSIONAL.
NOW, IF I COULD JUST TAKE SOME TIME AND LOOK AT THESE FOR MYSELF.
OH, YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE, DON'T YOU? UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
IF YOU NEED ANY OF THOSE BLOWN UP, I CAN- EXCUSE ME, MISS HAYES.
MR.
ADDISON IS HERE.
THANK YOU.
BOY, IT'S AMAZING WHAT PEOPLE CAN DO IN A DARKROOM.
NOT TO MENTION A DARK ROOM.
OOH! NOW HERE'S ONE WE'RE PARTICULARLY PROUD OF.
NOTE THE 3-D EFFECT.
EXCUSE ME! CAN WE TALK? I KNOW I CAN.
BOYS? OH, MISS HAYES! I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF MAKING COPIES OF THE PHOTOS FOR MR.
ADDISON.
WE WERE JUST- YOU KNOW, BUSINESS.
LOOK FOR THE SLIDE SHOW, BOYS, COMING TO A BATHROOM NEAR YOU SOON.
OH, AND HERBERT, BY THE WAY, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES.
HIYA, BOSS.
MORNING.
IT IS TILL 12:00.
THEN IT BECOMES AFTERNOON.
DID YOU COP A GANDER AT THE GOODS? KIND OF.
KIND OF? MR.
VIOLA LEFT A SET ON MY DESK.
WITH OR WITHOUT A FIRE EXTINGUISHER? AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WAS JUST MAKING MY WAY DOWN TO YOUR OFFICE.
BUSINESS OR PLEASURE? HARD TO TELL.
WITH YOU, BUSINESS IS ALWAYS A PLEASURE.
GEE, AND ME WITHOUT MY HIP BOOTS.
THE WAY I FIGURE, WE PUT ON ASBESTOS GLOVES, RUN THESE SNAPSHOTS OVER TO THE CLIENT, OR LARRY FLYNT, DEPENDING ON WHO'LL PAY US MORE MONEY.
I SAY WE TRY THE CLIENT FIRST.
WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED IT? SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THIS NECK OF THE WOODS? WELL, I-I-GUESS I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW YOU WERE DOING.
HOW I'M DOING WHAT? FINE! YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, THAT'S FINE.
I'LL BE GLAD TO TALK ABOUT IT.
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
WELL, LET'S START WITH YOU! FOR OPENERS, YOU CONSUMED A GREAT DEAL OF ALCOHOL LAST NIGHT.
ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT? NOTHING A LIVER TRANSPLANT WOULDN'T FIX.
DAVID, ABOUT LAST NIGHT- YEAH, A GOOD TIME WAS HAD BY ALL ON HAND, HUH? OK.
OK.
ANYTHING ELSE? BY THE WAY, THANK SAM FOR THE LIMO SERVICE.
I GUESS I WAS A LITTLE WHACKED OUT LAST NIGHT.
SURE.
I'LL TELL HIM.
HE'S A NICE GUY.
YEAH.
MR.
ADDISON? THERE'S A CALL FOR YOU ON LINE ONE.
MONIQUE.
MONIQUE! BETTER TAKE THIS.
MONIQUE'S GOT A SHORT ATTENTION SPAN.
HI, EEKY! WHAT'S SHAKING, BABY? AND WILL YOU SHAKE IT FOR ME? MM-HMM.
SURE, NO, WE'RE STILL ON FOR TONIGHT.
HUH? HEH! NO, NO, I CAN'T REALLY TALK NOW.
YEAH, RIGHT.
MM-HMM, 7-7, BABY.
AU RESERVOIR TO YOU, TOO.
SORRY.
TOLD HER NEVER TO CALL ME HERE.
WHAT WERE YOU SAYING? I WAS SAYING? OH, YES.
WELL, WHEN YOU CAME TO THE RESTAURANT LAST NIGHT, YOU SAID YOU HAD SOMETHING TO TELL ME.
SOME BIG DECISION YOU MADE.
I GOT THE FEELING IT WAS IMPORTANT.
WAS THIS BEFORE THE WINE? WHAT AM I DOING? OH, THAT.
YEAH, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT OUR BOY VIOLA.
OH YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT KIND OF HUMP THAT BOY'S BEEN BUSTING FOR US SINCE HE'S BEEN HERE? LAST NIGHT IT HIT ME- IT'S HIGH TIME WE PROMOTED THAT BOY TO FULL-FLEDGED BLUE MOON FLATFOOT.
MAYBE FLATFOOT FIRST CLASS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? I HAVEN'T GIVEN IT A THOUGHT.
YEAH, MADDIE, OLD BERT'S BEEN DOING THE WORK OF 3 SHORT MEN IN THIS OFFICE.
NOW WE EITHER THROW A NET OVER HIM P.
D.
Q.
, OR WE WATCH HIS BOOT HEELS WANDER TO ANOTHER AGENCY THAT RECOGNIZES UNTAPPED POTENTIAL.
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT, DAVID.
THAT'S ALL IT WAS? THAT'S ALL IT WAS.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
BLUE MOON DETECTIVE AGENCY.
MISS HAYES! IT'S ELAINE JOHNSON, WONDERING HOW WE'RE DOING WITH HER CASE.
I'M SORRY, BUT SHE'S BEHIND CLOSED DOORS RIGHT NOW.
FINE.
A FINE TIME WAS HAD BY ALL.
A FINE TIME WAS HAD BY ALL.
HERBERT VIOLA.
NOW HE WANTS ME TO BELIEVE HE INTERRUPTED MY DINNER TO TALK TO ME ABOUT HERBERT VIOLA.
FINE.
FINE.
MISS HAYES? IT'S ME.
CAN I COME IN? FINE.
THAT WAS ELAINE JOHNSON ON THE PHONE.
YOU HAD NOTHING IN YOUR BOOK FOR 2:30, SO I MADE AN APPOINTMENT FOR YOU AND MR.
ADDISON TO TAKE THE PICTURES TO HER THEN.
FINE.
MISS HAYES? HUH? NO FORGET IT.
NEVER MIND.
MISS DIPESTO? I'M SORRY.
YOU'VE GOT A LOT ON YOUR MIND.
WHAT? WELL WHAT'S GOING ON? I'M SORRY.
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH WHAT? WITH YOU AND MR.
ADDISON.
ME AND MR.
ADDISON? NOTHING.
NOTHING IS GOING ON WITH ME AND MR.
ADDISON.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE? YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIM THIS MORNING.
DAVID? I JUST LEFT HIS OFFICE.
NO WHEN HE GOT IN, HE WAS ALL DRESSED AND SHAVED, LIKE HE WANTED TO MAKE A GREAT IMPRESSION.
BUT HE WAS HOLDING HIS HEAD, HOLDING HIS STOMACH.
I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR A LONG TIME, MISS HAYES, AND HE'S PUTTING ON A GREAT ACT FOR YOU.
BUT SOMETHING'S MAKING HIM CRAZY.
MAYBE IT'S MONIQUE.
MMM, I DON'T THINK SO.
DON'T TELL HIM I TOLD YOU- THERE'S NO MONIQUE.
I'M MONIQUE! IS THERE REALLY A SAM? YEAH, THERE'S REALLY A SAM.
IS HE REALLY TERRIFIC? THE TRUTH IS, MISS DIPESTO THEY'RE BOTH REALLY TERRIFIC.
SOMEONE'S MAKING YOU CRAZY, TOO, HUH? I'LL JUST LET MR.
ADDISON KNOW 2:30, HUH? SURE.
WHAT? NOTHING.
THIS MUST BE A FIRST.
WHAT'S THAT? YOU AWAKE WITHOUT YOUR MOUTH ENGAGED.
YOU SPOKE TOO SOON.
MY MOUTH IS ENGAGED.
IT'S JUST THE REST OF MY BODY THAT'S STILL UNSPOKEN FOR.
SO? SO? WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MONIQUE TONIGHT? MONIQUE? MONIQUE.
WHY? WANT TO DOUBLE-DATE? HE WAS WITH RITA, ALL RIGHT.
YOU RECOGNIZE MRS.
McCLAFFERTY? FROM THE PHOTOGRAPH IN HIS WALLET.
SHE'S LOST SOME WEIGHT.
MAYBE IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT, HUH? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHY DOES A MAN RUN OFF TO A HOTEL FOR AN ILLICIT AFFAIR WITH HIS WIFE? ALAN'S A ROMANTIC.
YESTERDAY WAS HIS ANNIVERSARY.
HIS TENTH, I THINK.
YOU SEEM TO KNOW A LOT ABOUT THEIR MARRIAGE.
THE OTHER WOMAN ALWAYS DOES.
YOU HEAR ABOUT EVERYTHING- THE KIDS, THE DOG, THE OFFICE.
I'M THE SECRET IN ALAN'S LIFE, SO THERE'S NO NEED FOR HIM TO KEEP SECRETS FROM ME.
AT LEAST THERE WASN'T.
HE ALWAYS TOLD ME MAKING LOVE TO HIS WIFE WAS A CHORE.
WELL, HE SEEMS TO BE GETTING HIS CHORES DONE.
WELL THAT'S THAT.
NOW CAN I HEAR THE TAPES? THE TAPES? THE TAPES? THE TAPES.
I HIRED YOU TO PUT ALAN UNDER SURVEILLANCE.
AND WE DID.
THESE PHOTOGRAPHS GIVE A PRETTY GRAPHIC PICTURE.
ALL THOSE PICTURES TELL ME IS THAT HE WAS TOGETHER WITH HER IN A HOTEL ROOM.
WELL, THEY ALSO SUGGEST THAT THEY WEREN'T THERE FOR CONVERSATION.
MR.
ADDISON, I'VE BEEN TO BED WITH PLENTY OF MEN IN MY LIFE.
AND I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT LOVE WAS THE FURTHEST THING FROM MOST OF THEIR MINDS.
I NEED TO HEAR HIS VOICE.
NOT SO MUCH WHAT HE SAYS TO HER, BUT HOW HE SAYS IT.
I'M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND.
MEN ARE CAPABLE OF MAKING LOVE WITH THEIR BODIES; WE MAKE LOVE WITH OUR HEARTS.
IT'S IMPORTANT FOR ME TO KNOW WHAT'S IN HIS.
I WANT TO KNOW IF THERE'S ANY HOPE FOR US, OR IF I'VE LOST HIM TO HIS WIFE FOREVER.
TAPES! TAKE IT EASY.
I'LL 86 MONIQUE AND TAKE CARE OF IT MYSELF.
OH, NO.
OH, NO? OH, NO.
WHO KNOWS WHAT SAM HAS IN MIND TONIGHT, BUT WHATEVER IT IS, I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT THAT WE'LL BE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT, AND IN YOU'LL WALK WITH ANOTHER EMERGENCY ABOUT SOME EMPLOYEE WHO NEEDS A PARKING PLACE CLOSER TO THE ELEVATOR OR A SPEAKERPHONE ON HIS DESK- THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
YOU'RE RIGHT, BECAUSE I'M GOING WITH YOU.
DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS, MADDIE.
I'M NOT DOING YOU ANY FAVORS.
I'M DOING ME A FAVOR.
HE'S A NICE GUY, DAVID.
I KNOW HE'S A NICE GUY.
HE DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS.
IDESERVE BETTER THAN THIS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M- I DO NOT KNOW WHAT- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M- NO, I DON'T! YES, YOU DO! YES, YOU DO! NO, I DON'T! YES, YOU DO.
I DO NOT! YOU DO, TOO! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, JEALOUS, JEALOUS! JEALOUS, JEALOUS, JEALOUS? OF WHO, OF WHAT? OF HIM, OF ME, OF US! US? US? YOU'RE AN US NOW? YES.
NO.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE ARE, BUT I'M HAVING A DAMN HARD TIME TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT BECAUSE EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND, THERE YOU ARE.
AND WHAT THE HELL BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS IF I AM AN US? I WORK WITH YOU.
I'VE WORKED WITH YOU FOR 21/2 YEARS.
YEAH, FOR 21/2 YEARS YOU'VE WORKED- NO, LET'S SAY SLAVED- TO TAKE NOTHING ABOUT ME, MY LIFE, OR MY BUSINESS SERIOUSLY.
AND NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, THERE'S SAM.
LOOK, I LIKE SAM.
AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING.
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU DO LIKE SAM! SAM LIKES YOU, YOU LIKE SAM.
WHO CARES WHO YOU AND SAM LIKE? WELL, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH- IT'S WORTH NOTHING! OK.
OK, OK,OK! WHAT'S OK? I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S DOING ALL THE YELLING.
LOOK, IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, THIS JOB'S A PIECE OF CAKE.
WE CAN DO IT WITH OUR EARS TIED BEHIND OUR BACK.
YOU TIE YOUR EARS BEHIND YOUR BACK.
I LIKE WHERE EVERYTHING IS ON ME.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT.
HI! OH, HI! JUST LEAVING YOU A NOTE.
LOOK AT YOU- STANDING, BREATHING.
INCREDIBLE! A WALKING MIRACLE OF MODERN SCIENCE! MISS DIPESTO? MISS DIPESTO, THE PHONE! IT'S RIGHT THERE.
EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY.
BLUE MOON DETECTIVE AGENCY.
UH, IF YOU WANT A RHYME, CALL ANOTHER TIME.
EXCUSE ME.
SO, UH HOW ARE YOU FEELING? HEH HEH! BETTER THAN YOU LOOK.
YEAH, TURNS OUT HE CAUGHT ME PRETTY GOOD.
YEAH, WELL, DON'T SWEAT IT.
GOLIATH WAS BARELY ABLE TO CRAWL OUT OF THERE HIMSELF.
HEY, WE DID OK.
I'M SURPRISED YOU COULD SEE HIM, MUCH LESS LAND A PUNCH.
WELL, I WAS LUCKY.
HE WAS TOO BIG TO MISS.
I HAD A NICE TIME, TOO! NO VISIBLE SCARS, BUT A NICE TIME.
WELL, UM MAYBE WE SHOULD TALK.
SURE, SURE! EXCUSE US, DAVID.
LATER.
HUNK CITY.
THIS IS THE KIND OF TALK I LIKE.
JUST HAPPENED TO BE IN THE SAME STATE.
HEH HEH! THOUGHT I'D STOP BY.
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
WHY WOULD I MIND? WELL, IT'S WHERE YOU WORK, SPEND MOST OF YOUR DAY.
THIS IS THE PLACE MOST PEOPLE PREFER TO KEEP THEIR PRIVATE LIFE PRIVATE.
NOT ME.
I'M GLAD YOU CAME BY.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'VE BEEN SPENDING A WHOLE LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
ME, TOO.
GUESS WHAT I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MOST IS HOW WE'RE GOING TO TOP IT.
GOT A FEW IDEAS ABOUT THAT ONE.
ANYTHING YOU CAN REPEAT? I DON'T KNOW.
STARTS WITH YOU AND ME.
JUST YOU AND ME? MM-HMM.
BOTTLE OF WINE.
MAYBE A SUNSET.
THEN WE CAN SKIP THE BOTTLE OF WINE.
IT'S THE TONIGHT PART.
I'VE GOT TO WORK.
ALL NIGHT? I DON'T KNOW.
NO PROBLEM.
HOW ABOUT SAME TIME TOMORROW? I HEAR THERE'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER SUNSET.
MAYBE LATER TONIGHT, IF YOU'RE STILL AWAKE.
OH I'LL STILL BE AWAKE.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS TONIGHT, YOU KNOW.
I KNOW.
I COULD HAVE HANDLED IT ALL BY MYSELF.
YOU COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING ELSE.
DAVID, DON'T.
DON'T WHAT? I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.
DAVID, WE HAVE A JOB TO DO.
THIS IS WHERE I'M HAPPY TO BE.
FINE.
AS LONG AS YOUR HAPPY.
I'M HAPPY! FINE.
END OF CONVERSATION.
FINE.
I COULD TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW.
JUST SAY THE W- FINE.
GO AHEAD, ASK ME A QUESTION.
I'M NOT GOING TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
HOW ARE WE GOING TO PLAY IF YOU DON'T ASK ME A QUESTION? ARE THESE PEOPLE EVER GOING TO COME HOME? OH, I'M SORRY.
THAT'S TOO BORING.
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE DISQUALIFIED.
BUT WE DO HAVE SOME LOVELY PARTING GIFTS AND OUR HOME VERSION OF THE GAME.
NOW, LET'S BRING OUT OUR NEXT BACHELORETTE.
* REE DA DA DO * SHE'S A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER.
* REE DA DA DO * SHE LOVES SKIING, NEIL DIAMOND, AND HER OWN PERSONAL COLLECTION OF CERAMIC UNICORNS.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR SUSAN LEAPER.
YAY! YAY! SUSAN! WELL, SUSAN, WE HAVE BACK THERE FOR YOU, AND THEY'RE JUST HUNGRY FOR A DATE.
GOT YOUR QUESTIONS READY? YES, JIM.
THEN FIRE AWAY.
OK.
BACHELOR NUMBER ONE, I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT BACHELOR NUMBER 2 AND TELL ME, IF HE WERE A RIDE AT DISNEYLAND, WHAT RIDE WOULD HE BE AND WHY? WELL, I'D HAVE TO SAY BACHELOR NO.
2 WOULD BE "PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN.
" AND WHY IS THAT? BECAUSE OF HIS SUNKEN CHEST.
DAVID, THERE'S A CAR.
MAYBE THEY'RE HOME.
GREAT.
I'VE SEEN THESE TWO IN ACTION.
YOU WON'T BE BORED MUCH LONGER.
NAH, IT'S JUST HER.
GUESS WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE MAIN ATTRACTION.
GUESS WE OUGHT TO SEE IF THIS STUFF WORKS.
DAVID, SHE'S CRYING.
WHY IS SHE CRYING? WHAT IS SHE DOING? UH, LOOKS LIKE SHE'S TYPING.
WELL, SO MUCH FOR FINDING OUT WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER AND HOW THEY SAY IT.
MAYBE THIS IS ELAINE JOHNSON'S LUCKY NIGHT.
MAYBE HIS WIFE'S WRITING HIM A LETTER THAT SHE'S LEAVING.
WELL, SO MUCH FOR LONG GOOD-BYES.
WHAT'S SHE DOING? SHE'S GOING THROUGH THE DESK.
LOOKS LIKE SHE'S LOOKING FOR SOMETHING.
MADDIE, IT'S A GUN! OH, DAVID.
MAYBE SHE'S GOING TO KILL HIM.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WHY WOULD A MURDERER LEAVE A NOTE? * BEFORE YOU LEAVE MY ARMS * * AND RUSH OFF TO HER CHARMS * * THINK IT OVER * WHAT? NO.
DON'T LOOK.
WHAT? DON'T LOOK AT HER.
Police investigator: AHA, AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED? SHE FINISHED TYPING THE NOTE, OPENED THE DRAWER, TOOK THE GUN OUT.
THAT'S WHEN WE FIGURED OUT WHAT SHE WAS DOING.
WE JUST DIDN'T FIGURE IT OUT SOON ENOUGH.
THAT'S ANDY.
HE'S 10.
THE OTHER IS HIS BROTHER PHILIP.
THEY'RE AT MY MOTHER'S.
THEY GO THERE EVERY THURSDAY BECAUSE RITA HAS HER ART CLASS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO THEM.
MR.
McCLAFFERTY, IF THERE IS ANYTHING WE CAN DO- NO.
VERY KIND OF YOU TO OFFER, BUT I DON'T DESERVE ANYONE'S KINDNESS.
I- I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TODAY.
I MEAN HOW SHE FOUND OUT, IF YOU DIDN'T TELL HER.
IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING, I GUESS.
BRUNETTE HAIR, A STRAY LIPSTICK MARK GOD KNOWS SHE KNEW WHAT TO LOOK FOR BY NOW.
THIS ISN'T EXACTLY MY FIRST OFFENSE.
BUT YOU WANT TO KNOW THE STUPID PART? I WAS ABOUT TO BREAK IT OFF.
IT'S BEEN A SHAM, FOR MONTHS.
I'VE JUST BEEN GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS TO END IT.
WE WENT OUT TO CELEBRATE LAST NIGHT.
OUR TENTH ANNIVERSARY.
I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS FINE.
BUT I GUESS IT WASN'T OR SHE WOULD HAVE DISCHARGED YOU.
BUT SHE COULDN'T DO THAT.
WE DIDN'T WORK FOR YOUR WIFE.
WE WORKED FOR MISS JOHNSON.
ELAINE HIRED YOU? TO FOLLOW ME? BUT WHY? SHE SAID YOU HAD BEEN ACTING STRANGELY.
SHE THOUGHT MAYBE YOU HAD FALLEN BACK IN LOVE WITH YOUR WIFE.
SHE WAS RIGHT.
WHAT A WASTE.
I MEAN, I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE SAY WHEN SOMEONE DOES THIS- "SHE HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR.
" BUT DAVID, SHE DID.
IF ONLY FOR ALL THE TIME THEY SPENT TOGETHER.
I MEAN, TO JUST DENY MADDIE, THE WOMAN DIDN'T GET UP THIS MORNING, TAKE A SHOT OF O.
J.
, HAVE A TENNIS LESSON, BLOW HERSELF AWAY.
SHE HAD A LITTLE BIT OF HELP FROM HER HUSBAND WHEN SHE FOUND OUT HE WAS MUSSING SHEETS ACROSS TOWN.
DAVID, LIKE IT OR NOT, SOMETIMES PEOPLE GROW APART.
THEY BECOME ATTRACTED TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THEY DON'T ALWAYS KNOW WHY THEY DO WHAT THEY DO.
TALK AROUND IT ALL YOU WANT.
IT'S STILL A CUT-AND-DRIED, BOTTOM-LINE, EVERYDAY BETRAYAL.
SINCE WHEN ARE YOU SO JUDGMENTAL ABOUT SLEEPING AROUND? MAYBE SHE JUST KNEW IT WAS OVER.
* THERE'S A SAYING OLD * * SAYS THAT LOVE IS BLIND * * STILL WE'RE OFTEN TOLD * * SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND * * SO I'M GOING TO SEEK * * THIS CERTAIN LAD I HAVE * * IN MIND * * LOOKING EVERYWHERE * * HAVEN'T FOUND HIM YET * * HE'S THE BIGGEST BET * * I CANNOT FORGET * * ONLY MAN I EVER THINK OF * * WILL BE THERE * HI.
HI.
IT'S AFTER 2:00.
I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO STILL BE UP.
WE HAD A DATE, REMEMBER? OH.
I'M NOT MUCH IN THE MOOD FOR A DATE, I'M AFRAID.
HMM.
HOW ABOUT, UH, LAMB? LAMB? YOU IN THE MOOD FOR LAMB? LAMB? YEAH, IT SHOULD BE READY IN ABOUT 10 MINUTES.
FIGURED MAYBE YOU DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO EAT.
YOU MADE LAMB? HOW ABOUT I RUN YOU A HOT BATH? BATH? LAMB? SAM! YOU'RE IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD.
WHAT DID YOU TAKE? AND DID YOU PUT IT IN THE FOOD? YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE SOMEBODY A GOOD WIFE SOMEDAY.
YEAH, SO ARE YOU.
YOU DON'T KNOW ME AS WELL AS YOU THINK.
I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU THINK I DO.
COME ON, MADDIE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MAKE IT OFFICIAL? YOU AND ME? WIFE AND WIFE.
SAM! WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? I DON'T KNOW.
BEEN LAYING HERE, WAITING FOR YOU DOING THINGS.
LISTENING FOR THE SOUND OF A CAR.
HMM, 2:30 IN THE MORNING, RIGHT? ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU CRAZY.
DIDN'T MAKE ME CRAZY.
MADE ME KIND OF HAPPY.
YEAH.
YEAH, PERFECTLY HAPPY.
JUST SITTING HERE, KNOWING THAT YOU'D BE COMING HOME SOMETIME TO ME.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? I'M THINKING MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE.
OH, MADDIE.
YOU GOT TO HELP ME MORE THAN THAT.
IT'S NOTHING.
BUT MAYBE IT'S NOT NOTHING.
MAYBE IT IS SOMETHING.
I'M CONFUSED.
I'M SO CONFUSED.
I JUST WISHED SOMEONE WOULD TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
OK.
DO THIS MARRY ME.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOUR WIFE! I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS ANYBODY'S WI- WAIT! HANG ON.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? TO WAKE UP THE MICE? YEAH? DAVID.
MADDIE? THAT NIGHT YOU INTERRUPTED MY DINNER WITH SAM, WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME? WHAT? NO "WHAT".
NO "HUH.
" I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT WAS ON YOUR MIND.
WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME? MADDIE, IT'S 4:00 IN THE MORNING, WHAT- WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME? DAVID? MADDIE.
WHERE ARE WE? WHAT IS THIS ROOM? UM, THIS IS MY LIVING ROOM.
YOUR LIVING ROOM? MM-HMM.
THERE'S NOTHING IN IT.
YEAH.
PICKED UP ON THAT, UH? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THERE'S NO LAMPS, NO CHAIRS DOESN'T ANYONE EVER COME OVER? DON'T YOU EVER ENTERTAIN? YEAH, I ENTERTAIN A LOT.
I GENERALLY DO MOST OF THE ENTERTAINING IN THE BEDROOM.
UM I DON'T KNOW.
I'M NOT HERE THAT MUCH.
WAIT, HANG ON A MINUTE.
COME HERE, SIT.
UM, DO YOU WANT SOMETHING? YOU- YOU WANT SOMETHING TO EAT? I GOT SOME- SOME FOOD I THINK.
UH, I THINK I GOT SOME FOOD.
SIT! SIT DOWN.
SO SO WELL, THIS IS GREAT.
UH, I'M GLAD YOU STOPPED BY.
I'VE BEEN MEANING TO HAVE YOU OVER.
UM, CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING? ARE YOU SURE? SOME CHEESE, PEANUT BUTTER? DAVID, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? I DON'T KNOW.
THERE'S ALWAYS THE BEDROOM.
IT WAS A JOKE.
IT WAS A JOKE.
BAD JOKE.
HERE, LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT.
NO, THAT'S OK.
I SNUCK OUT.
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ON UNDER HERE, EXCEPT FOR A NIGHTGOWN.
NICE, HUH? SNEAKERS FOR SNEAKING.
I LIKE THAT.
YOU JUST LEFT HIM THERE, HUH? HE'S PERFECT FOR ME, YOU KNOW.
BUT YOU AND ME WE WE I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GOING TO SIT THERE AND LET ME GO THROUGH THIS BY MYSELF.
COME HERE.
IT'S OK.
I HATE YOU, DAVID ADDISON.
I KNOW.
I HATE YOU, TOO, MADDIE HAYES.
I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU.
YOU LOOK AWFUL.
YEAH, WELL, YOU SMELL AWFUL.
THIS IS GREAT.
I'LL GET YOU SOME TISSUES.
I KNOW I HAVE SOME TISSUES HERE.
IN MY WHOLE LIFE, EVERY MAJOR EVENT SINCE I WAS 13, YOU COULD COUNT ON ME TO CRY, COUNT ON MY MASCARA TO RUN.
I'LL PROBABLY GO TO MY GRAVE WITH RUNNING MASCARA.
NAH, I WAS WRONG.
DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANY TISSUES.
HERE.
DAVID, MRS.
McCLAFFERTY, WHEN THEY CARRIED HER OUT, SHE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL, DIDN'T SHE? YEAH, I GUESS SO.
IF YOU GO FOR THAT SORT OF THING.
NO, I MEAN WE HEARD HER CRYING A LOT.
WE HEARD HER CRYING A LOT.
WHEN THEY CARRIED HER OUT, SHE LOOKED PERFECT.
I MEAN, HER MAKEUP LOOKED PERFECT.
YEAH, SO? SO PUT SOME SHOES ON.
YEAH.
I KNOW.
I THOUGHT WE WERE HEADING FOR SOMETHING BIG, TOO.
DON'T YOU SEE? WE HEARD RITA McCLAFFERTY SOBBING HER EYES OUT.
BUT WHEN THEY CARRIED HER OUT, HER MAKEUP WAS PERFECT.
DOESN'T THAT TELL YOU ANYTHING? YOU OUGHT TO CHANGE TO HER BRAND? NO, IT TELLS YOU THAT THE WOMAN WE HEARD CRYING AND THE WOMAN WE SAW BEING CARRIED OUT WERE NOT THE SAME WOMAN.
MADDIE, WE SAW RITA McCLAFFERTY SHOOT HERSELF.
NO, WE HEARD RITA McCLAFFERTY SHOOT HERSELF.
WHAT I THINK WE SAW WAS A WOMAN WHO LOOKED LIKE RITA McCLAFFERTY TRYING TO CONVINCE US SHE WAS SO DISTRAUGHT THAT THE LIFE ABOUT TO BE TAKEN WAS HER OWN.
BUT WHY? I DON'T KNOW WHY.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO ASK ELAINE JOHNSON.
SHE WAS THE ONE WHO MADE SURE WE WERE THERE TO SEE THE WHOLE PERFORMANCE.
YOU'RE SAYING THAT BECAUSE A DEAD WOMAN'S MAKEUP DIDN'T RUN, THAT SHE DIDN'T KILL HERSELF, AND ELAINE JOHNSON SET US UP? THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
WHOA, ELAINE JOHNSON? THIS VULNERABLE DOORMAT OF A WOMAN WHO THINKS HER ADULTEROUS LOVER'S CHEATING ON HER? THIS VICTIM, THIS INNOCENT, THIS MR.
ADDISON, MISS HAYES? LITTLE SEX-SHOOTER HERE.
SOMETHING THE MATTER? MR.
McCLAFFERTY DIDN'T TELL YOU? HIS WIFE TOOK HER OWN LIFE TONIGHT.
OH, MY GOD.
NICE TOUCH DROPPING THE GLASS.
ENTERTAINING? MISS HAYES! CAN'T WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING WAIT UNTIL A MORE DECENT HOUR? WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING? WE DO OUR BEST WORK AT INDECENT HOURS.
WOULD YOU PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT HER? I DON'T KNOW.
LOOKS LIKE SHE'S DOING PRETTY GOOD BY HERSELF.
DO YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR? THE DRESS AND THE WIG.
WHAT DRESS? WHAT WIG? MY, MY, MY, MY, MY.
IMAGINE THAT.
SOMEBODY COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET ON OUR SHOW.
WHERE'S THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER WHEN YOU NEED THEM? I KNOW WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE.
YOU DO? I JUST-I DIDN'T, DIDN'T WANT TO BE ALONETONIGHT.
SO YOU CAME OVER HERE.
SO I CAME OVER HERE.
OH, LET ME GUESS.
THE YOU HEARD A PROWLER IN THE CLOSET.
NO, LIKE I SAID, I I KNOW WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE.
YOU DO? IT LOOKS BAD.
LOOKS LIKE THE TWO OF YOU CONSPIRED TO GET RID OF YOUR WIFE.
SAVE YOURSELF A MESSY, NOT TO MENTION EXPENSIVE DIVORCE.
OK, I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU MIGHT JUMP TO THAT CONCLUSION, BUT THE PROBLEM IS YOUR PROBLEM IS THAT, YOU TWO, YOU DON'T KNOW SOMETHING.
I MEAN, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT TAKING INTO ACCOUNT WHICH IS- I WOULD HAVE BEEN GLAD TO HAVE GIVEN THEM A HEAD START IF THEY HAD JUST ASKED.
COME ON! I LOVE IT WHEN YOU PLAY ROUGH.
FELLOWS, HURRY IT UP A LITTLE BIT, WILL YOU? WE GOT TO GO! COME ON.
HEY! HEY, COME BACK HERE! NO USE CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK! GIVE ME A BREAK, YOU WOULD HAVE SAID THE SAME THING.
DAVID, WE'RE LOSING THEM.
SAVE THAT STUFF FOR THE ROMANTIC SCENES! ENEMY TARGET IN SIGHT.
OPEN BOMB BAY DOORS.
ROGER! BOMB BAY DOORS OPEN.
THEN FIRE AT WILL OR ALAN, OR WHOEVER ELSE YOU CAN HIT.
AHA! HIT 'EM WITH THE COTTAGE CHEESE! GO FOR THE LARGE CURD.
HA HA HA! TAKE THAT! WHOO! NICE! LOOKS LIKE A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS ATE SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T AGREE WITH THEM.
HA HA HA! AAH! DAVID! AAH! STOP! * NOWHERE TO HIDE * * GOT NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY * * NOWHERE TO HIDE * WE'RE TRYING TO BOWL HERE! * IT'S NOT LOVE I'M RUNNING FROM * * IT'S THE HEARTACHE I KNOW WILL COME * * 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE NO GOOD FOR ME * WATCH OUT! * EVERY STEP I TAKE * * YOU TAKE WITH ME * * YEAH * * NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY * * NOWHERE TO HIDE * * GOT NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY * AAH! * I KNOW YOU'RE NO GOOD FOR ME * * BUT FREE OF YOU I'LL NEVER BE * UNH! AAH! AH! WHOA! OH, STRIKE! YOU KNOW, I MAY HAVE A NATURAL TALENT FOR THIS GAME.
WELL, THE SUN'S UP.
I DID WHAT I COULD.
COULDN'T STOP IT, THOUGH.
WANT TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT? WHAT? THE WAY I'M DRESSED? I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT.
I FEEL GREAT.
YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING DUMB? I HAD A GREAT TIME.
YEAH, ME TOO.
MUST BE THE LACK OF SLEEP.
THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD DO, SLEEP.
GO HOME AND GET IN BED SHE WAS HERE JUST A MINUTE AGO.
MADDIE? SAM.
MADDIE? CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL * SOME WALK BY NIGHT * * SOME FLY BY DAY * * NOTHING COULD CHANGE YOU * * SET AND SURE OF THE WAY * * THERE IS THE SUN AND MOON * * THEY SING THEIR OWN SWEET TUNE * * WATCH THEM WHEN DAWN IS DUE * * SHARING ONE SPACE * * WE'LL WALK BY NIGHT, BABE * * WE'LL FLY BY DAY * * MOONLIGHTING STRANGERS * * WHO JUST MET ON THE WAY *