Reno 911! (2003) s03e13 Episode Script

- In just a few short hours, craig pullin, The infamous truckee river killer, Will be put to death here by lethal injection.
As midnight approaches, tension is palpable.
[ticking.]
[machine beeps.]
- Well, we all gotta go sometime, right? And my time would be right about now.
mtv networks [siren.]
- What? - Oh.
- Whoa! - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! - Ooh! [all yelling.]
[gunfire.]
[laughs.]
- Hey, where is everybody? - Whoa! Oh! Oh! - Ooh! [siren.]
[whip cracking.]
- Ouch! You'll never get me to talk! Ouch! - Squeal like a pig! - I'm a dog who should be sent out to pasture.
[crack.]
ooh.
- Hey, craig? - Hmm? - What is this? - Oh, you found it.
I was gonna give that to you.
That's a wedding ring.
I was gonna propose to you.
- Oh, craig! Oh! - Is that a yes? It looks like a yes.
- Yes! Yes! [laughs.]
I didn't expect--oh! Ha ha ha ha ha! - Oh, I have bad news, too.
My appeal didn't go through.
So I'm getting executed at midnight.
But the thing is, there's gonna be a wedding before that.
- Yay! [laughs.]
- All right, people.
Trudy may be a fucking retard, But she's our fucking retard, ok? - Amen.
- This is the only little bit of sunshine She's ever gonna get in her whole goddamn life, And we don't have much time.
So we've got to make this work.
Junior, what are you doin'? - We're drivin' down to the capitol, Do our best to see if the governor'll do a stay of execution.
It's worth a shot.
- What's the plan? - Seduction.
- Good.
Good.
Good.
Williams.
- Well, I called chandra, told her that she needed an overhaul.
- Yes, she does.
- So I'm takin' her to the beauty salon.
- She's gotta use all her skills this time, ok? - Everything.
- Garcia.
- Wedding cake.
- You and me, we're headin' up to tahoe To get that special cake she likes.
Done.
Jones.
- Oh, rollin' the roller.
- Excellent.
Scramble, scramble, move, move, move.
- Come on, let's do it.
- Where are you two goin'? You're workin' the phones.
- Well, we're just gonna take a little pee break before we do that.
- No pee breaks, people.
No pee breaks.
- We're en route to the caesar's palace, lake tahoe, Where we will contact pastry chef jean pierre valemieux.
We will pick up one special wedding cake ordered by trudy wiegel.
We shall return to the washoe state penitentiary by midnight.
I think we'll be back before that.
- 22:00.
- We're gonna be great.
- We're good.
- How's the forecast for tahoe? - I don't know, but it looks pretty bad.
Gettin' pretty dark out there.
- "chance of snow showers light to severe.
" huh.
- Ok.
- It's fine down here.
Where you got it at? - I got it at 110 right now.
- 110.
God, it's amazing with american cars, isn't it? - I love the crown vic.
- American cars.
Greatest cars in the world except for german.
And uh, peugeots are nice, the french ones.
- Good one, too.
- Some british--those jags can be kinda nice - Yeah, mini coopers come from over there.
- And obviously, the lamborghini and the ferrari From the italians.
- Italians are pretty good, too, yeah.
- American cars.
Seventh or eighth greatest cars in the world.
- Yeah, just like our education system.
- That's right.
- Hey, hey, hey! - There he is.
[siren.]
[brakes screech.]
- Freeze! Freeze! I will shoot you! Freeze! - Hold it! Ok! You wanna run? You can run! - Shit! - Wait.
- He ain't in the elevator.
- Go back down? - Let's go back down.
Down's better.
- He's not, uh, not there.
Shit! There he is! Well, get the car.
- Get the car.
Where are we? - Where are we? God.
- Let's try one up.
- Which level did we park? Which level did we park, kimball? - It was, like, green or turquoise.
- Were we on this--green? - I think maybe--were we? - Wasn't it--it was more like a kelly green, right? - No, I thought it was more like a teal.
- Oh, no.
- Sheriff's department! - What are you-- what are you yelling? - Has anyone seen a-- - Who are you yelling at? This is it.
This is it.
- Where? Where? - This is it.
[clicks.]
Kimball, come on.
What's up? - Well, let's go down.
- You fucking parked it.
So - Well, you were the one who said it was up here.
- Down one more.
Jesus christ.
Have I gotta hold your hand? [siren.]
[brakes screech.]
- 290, 213.
- Aah! Holy jesus! God! Hi, honey.
The last bottle of ruby red fingernail polish.
Raineesha got it.
Whoo! - Hey, rain! I'm gettin' my bikini waxed.
Ow! Jesus christ! Ow! - It's a good thing we are here all gathered together As it would be, 'cause if you have any questions-- You understand what I'm saying-- About men, the world, the way things are, We can get 'em answered right here, right now in the shop.
- Thank you, but I have some white friends I could ask, But thank--that is very nice.
Thank you.
- They gonna do injection? - Yeah, they're doing injection.
- Ok.
- Exactly right, and as far as I understand, The liquid is a lot like the color of your shirt.
- Oh.
- Yeah, it's just--it's some sort of death juice.
I don't know what it is.
- Trudy? - Yeah? - Think good thoughts.
- Ok.
- It's your weddin' day, baby.
- Oh, no, no, I'm fine.
- All right.
- I'm excited.
- That reminds me.
What happened with you and danny? - First, he tried to get me real tired.
You know, he'd wait till it'd be real late and stuff then try, You know, try to get me real drunk or whatever.
- Mm-hmm.
- And he was real into mouth play, And I'm cool with all that, but it was, like, you know, He never got to the main event.
I think he just had, you know, Some kind of erectile difficulty or somethin'.
- Ok, hold up.
- I mean, it's, like, it's one thing to be, like, "oh, I wanna pleasure you, And whoo, whoo, whoo, and I'm all up in you," But it's like, "you ain't that into oral now, come on.
" - Ok, so - Excuse me.
- I really think - Excuse me! - Yes, excuse you.
- Listen, I don't wanna get all bridezilla on your asses, But it's my goddamn wedding day, So can I please get my nails done? I'm sorry.
I'm just nervous.
- Ok, I'm sorry about that.
Sorry.
- Ok.
- When you step up in that jailhouse - I'm gonna be, like - In your little dress - I'm gonna be, like, "craig, no, you didn't.
"no, you didn't chop up all those ladies "and put their feet in a jar and put 'em in the fridge.
Mm-mmm.
No, you didn't.
" - The next time you think about killin' somebody, what? - Think about this--my booty.
Ha ha ha ha! Go for it! Oh, yes.
[siren.]
[siren.]
- Oh.
This is a big garage.
- Oh.
- This way.
This way.
- Oh.
- Look.
- Goddamnit! We were jush here! All right.
All right.
- This one.
I feel it.
I feel it.
- 29213, east avenue bound.
She's had a verbal dispute with her neighbor.
Probably stop by at the neighbors at 29211.
[beeps.]
[siren.]
- Well, it's a beautiful day for an execution.
- It sure is.
I know it would be a good day for a firing squad death.
- Yeah, outside or, you know, Gettin' thrown off a bridge or somethin'.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, you know what? If our plan works, then we're not gonna have to worry about that.
We'll be goin' to a wedding.
- I hear that.
- I'm gonna say, "listen, governor, "I know that you are a reasonable man, "I know that you are a kind man, "and I know that you believe in something called The spirit of the law.
" - All right.
- All right? - And if that don't work - "let me ask you somethin'.
" - Show him your tits.
- Oh, I'll show him.
One might be out while I say that.
[brakes screech, crash.]
- What is this, make out point? - We're not on a stakeout.
No, we're on a make out.
Let's do this.
Come on.
Come here.
- You keep this up, I'm gonna have to report you to human resources.
- Who are you reporting? I do this all the time.
I get away with it.
- Well, guess what? Not anymore.
All right? All right, buddy? Don't fuck with me.
- You're gay.
- Sheriff's department.
[children yelling.]
- Oh, good.
- Hey.
- Hey, he's your-- he's your trouble, man.
He's gone nuts.
You handle it.
I'm out.
I'm outta this.
- Ok, all right.
- He's knocked everybody out.
- Hello.
Hey.
- Unh! - Why do you beat up your little friends here? - Unh! - What? - Unh! - Oh! Ok, hold on.
Hold on, all right? See, your problem is your little behind has never been worn out.
- Shut up.
- You've never been spanked.
What? - Shut up.
- Shut up? Well, make me.
I don't shut up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
All right? Let's go.
[grunting.]
yeah, yeah.
[grunts.]
- Aah! - I got him.
I got him.
- All right.
- It's all right.
Ok.
Oh, he's feisty, this one.
- Yeah.
- You got it? - Yeah.
- Careful, careful, careful, careful.
- Yeah.
- Careful, careful, careful, careful, careful! - I got it! I got it! - Oh, my god.
- I'm havin' trouble startin' the - How can it snow? - I don't know.
- How can it snow 3 feet? We were only in there for - Ok.
Hell's fury is what it is.
- Oh, god.
We were in there for 4 hours.
I did pretty good.
How'd you do? - Flopped my ass.
Asshole at third base was doublin' down on threes.
- The national weather service - Oh, hello.
- Has issued a bigger storm warning.
As a result - What? - Ndot has closed I-80 from tahoe to reno, nevada.
- They closed I-80? [clock ticking.]
- I love your office.
It's soOfficial.
- So the governor will see us - Soon.
Yeah, very.
-But your job must be stressful.
- No.
- Well, it's fine.
- Yeah, nothin'--nothin' relaxes a fellow like a good - A good massage.
- Back massage, you know? - So relaxed.
- Middle of the day, workin' hard - I'm just so noodley.
- Afternoon delight, maybe.
- Yeah, oh.
[laughs.]
- Yeah.
- I know that song.
I know that song.
- Oh, for certain.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Turn up the [clicks tongue.]
.
- Wait a minute.
Are you all right? - This is--yeah.
- She dropped her pen there.
- Oh, you did.
Oh, well, we have a marker right here if you need anything.
- Wow.
That is nice.
- Oh, ok.
Um, may I remind you this is my office, so There it is.
You--you get-- People tell you all the time you, uh, you look like-- Well, you look like freddie mercury? - I do get that.
Yeah, sometimes, boys in the back seat'll tell me that, And I'll really give 'em twice as much as I was gonna give 'em, If you know what I'm talkin' about.
- Wow.
Mm.
[wind howls.]
- Are you on a road? - I don't know.
- All I can see is snow.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, whoa, whoa! Train, train, train, train, train! - Oh, shit.
- You got us kinda buried in the snow there pretty good.
- We've kind of come to a stop here.
- Just--what you gotta do is you gotta roll it back and forth.
And the best thing to do is flood it, gas it.
Do it as hard as you can.
- Ok, here we go.
- Ready? [tires spinning in snow.]
- Shit.
- I think we went in deeper.
- Oh, shit.
Let's try to radio - Yeah.
Here we go.
Uh, reno, 11 charlie 51, This is lieutenant dangle and garcia.
We seem to be having some car trouble.
We are - Stuck.
- Stuck.
Come back.
[silence.]
- Here we go.
Cell phone.
- Cell phone.
Yeah.
- Cell phone.
- Come on.
- I got nothin'.
Son of a bitch.
[howling.]
Hey, what was that? Did you hear that? Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Do you think they can smell this jell-o? [siren.]
[siren.]
- Um, we're offerin' you anything.
- Anything.
- You're lookin' at desperate, desperate people.
We got till midnight to get this done.
We just need the governor to make one phone call.
- This is, uh - Do you believe in romance? - Absolutely.
- Me, too.
Who doesn't? - Really.
That's right.
- Best kind of romance is stolen romance.
Dirty romance.
- No names, no talking, just [snap.]
.
- Boom.
- Do it.
- I need somethin' from you.
Boom.
- Yeah.
- Straight out the door.
You get your balls whacked out of the park, and then--gone.
Never see him again.
- Sounds like a real fun, fun time to - Better afternoon than you had planned, right? - Better.
Yeah.
- What do we gotta do? - [sighs.]
um, well, here's the deal.
UmProbably work out somethin'.
You just need a phone call.
You need a phone call made, right? - That's all we need.
That's all we need.
- Seriously.
- Mm-hmm.
- Can you do that? - I, uhIt sounds like a lot of fun.
I mean - Oh.
- Oh! - Wow.
Wow.
- Phew! For a second there, I thought you was a fag.
- Security.
- Shit! - There's a cop and a whore.
[wind howls.]
- With apologies, trudy, we have to eat the cake.
We have to eat it.
We need fuel.
Oh, come on.
- Come on.
Come on.
- No, no, no, no, no! - Shit! - Goddamn it.
- No! - Oh.
Shit.
Oh! - Oh! Aah! - Aah! - Oh.
I'm gettin' a little bit like this.
Fuck it.
We missed the wedding anyway.
We missed the fucking wedding.
- Taser.
- Taser.
Nice and warm.
Taser's hot.
Taser.
All right? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- It might knock you out.
- All right.
- Be careful.
- Aah! Unh! - You all right? Did it warm you up? Did it warm you up a little bit? - Yeah.
- I'm gonna do a light one.
Just a light one.
Just for warmth.
Just for warmth.
Aah! Aah! - Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Ho! Ho, ho, ho! Ho.
- [crying.]
I don't wanna die.
- [crying.]
you're not gonna die.
You're not gonna die.
You're not gonna die, man.
- I don't wanna die on an alternate route.
I don't wanna die.
- You're not gonna die on the alternate route.
We gonna get rescued.
Somebody is gonna come for us.
- Oh, god! - Oh! I'm sorry! - What the fuck was that?! - I'm sorry! - What the fuck was that?! What's up with that? - I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- What the fuck was that?! - I must've smelled the cake on you, on your lips.
- Oh, yeah.
That makes sense.
[yelling.]
- Craig pullin, the infamous truckee river killer Will be put to death by lethal injection.
Will he receive a call for clemency From the governor's office? In all likelihood, no.
Craig pullin will be only the Since the death penalty was reinstated in 1998.
This is maria storm, channel 10 news reporting.
Are you shitting me? Ha! 1,107? Really? That's, like, two a week.
- ♪ ave ♪ ♪ ave dominus ♪ ♪ dominus tecum ♪ ♪ ave marie e-ya ♪ ♪ ah-ah-ah-ah ♪ - All right.
Come right over here So he can get a good look at you.
- And craig wishes to say a few words before the ceremony.
- Trudy, I just wanted to say that when I think of us, I think of two lonely birds without a nest Who found each other and created a nest of their own Made with love, trust and understanding, And then the state of nevada killed one of those birds.
- We are gathered here To join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
Do you, craig, take this woman, trudy, To be your lawfully wedded wife in holy matrimony, To have and to hold till death do you part? - Yeah, that's--that's not a problem, yes.
- Hmm, and do you, trudy, do you take this man, craig, To be your lawfully wedded husband in holy matrimony? - Yes, I do.
- I therefore pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
- Mm-mm.
- Whoo! Yay! Congratulations! - Amen.
- So anyway, I guess we should do this thing now.
Hey, I'd like to go out with a laugh.
Is that all right? - Please.
- All right.
Two monkeys-- two monkeys are playing chess.
One of the monkeys--no, wait.
I'm sorry.
Two monkeys just finished playing chess, And one of the monkeys says, "hey, that's what I call castling.
" No, wait.
They're playing checkers.
Oh, fuck it.
Let's just do this.
[siren.]
[siren.]
[clock ticking.]
[telephone rings.]
- Officer moore.
Ok.
mtv networks Captioned by the national [chainsaw whirring.]
[whirring.]
- Unh! - Oh, my god.
[birds chirping.]