Run the Burbs (2022) s03e13 Episode Script

1
Aww, yeah! All decked out as your heroes
for the Asian Heritage
Month costume party.
Yep, I'm my dancing hero,
Kyle Hanagami. He's a total badass.
Yeah, no, I'm a real badass hero:
MMA fighter, and mental
health advocate, Angela Lee.
Who are you?
Who am I?
- Are you joking?
- I know who you are.
You're the most breath-taking person
I've ever seen, and not just
on this lake, in the universe.
You're Short Round.
Of course, Dr. Jones.
Ke Huy Quan is my guy.
And you are?
Keanu Reeves, from The
Lakehouse, obviously.
The Lakehouse? For Keanu?
Not that obvious, babe.
I thought your Asian idol
was the guy from the
Korean barbecue place.
I couldn't pick just one.
From entrepreneur to
municipal councillor,
Vernon Park is an inspiration.
I think of myself as a young him.
Wait. Since when is Keanu Reeves Asian?
Oh, his grandmother is Chinese-Hawaiian.
Oh, yeah.
That makes me feel so much
better that he's your hall pass.
And mine.
Oh, please don't talk about
hall passes in front of us.
What? Everyone's got one.
Mmm
BOTH: Keanu.
I just want to be with you ♪
Esteemed municipal councillors,
there is a need in Rockridge,
and that need is more summer camps.
Do you have to do this every day?
Yes! My pitch to council is tomorrow.
From what I've heard,
they do not mess around.
We just introduced the pie charts.
Currently, only 15% of kids
that apply to camps get in.
Fifteen? I thought you
were saying 50 all week.
(ITALIAN ACCENT) And
that's why we make-a da pie.
But if we utilize empty municipal spaces
and recruit students
needing summer jobs,
we can expand the programs to include
drama, music, art.
Sky is the limit.
And with all the waitlisted
kids actually getting into camps,
it pays for itself.
In conclusion, this program assures
that all kids and families
who want camps, get camps.
Thank you.
Woo-hoo! I got goose bumps.
(DOOR CLOSING)
♪
HUDSON: Dawg!
What's with the face?
It's Korean barbecue Vern.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, yeah!
From the sign and your t-shirt.
He's also a municipal councillor.
HUDSON: Oh!
This is fate smiling down.
You should go talk to him
and soft pitch the pitch.
- Ah!
- Aah!
(BOTH MAKING HIGH-PITCH SOUNDS)
CAMILLE: No, no, no, no.
It's not too last minute.
At Cam Pham Eats, we can
whip up a dinner in no time.
- Okay. See you tonight.
- (RAMESH HUMMING)
Guess what, Dad? I am booked up
all through July and I'm
still squeezing people in.
Love that for you.
- (DOOR CLOSING)
- Hey, Khia's home!
Oh! Hey, baby girl, how was camping?
Ehh. Meh.
Why are we dancing?
Oh. Big news. Ahh! I found a condo.
- For what?
- To live in.
I put an offer in this morning.
Wow. We're gonna miss you, Nanaji.
- Uh
- Okay, I need to take a shower.
Yes, you do. Shall I
pull up some pictures?
Um, maybe later. I have
to, um, prep for tonight.
Don't spread yourself too thin.
You'll have to save your
energy to help me move.
Hmm.
Leo, where is my charger?
Hey, a little privacy?
Hey, don't steal my charger.
LEO: You're cranky.
How was camping with Valentina?
You ever really hype up
a weekend only to find out
that your girlfriend
doesn't have any emotions?
No.
Give it time.
What are you writing?
Hey!
Brett, will you give me a
chance at the graduation dance?
This is gonna be the sweetest
grade eight grad ever.
Get out!
Hold on.
Before you waste your time,
what's Brett's love language?
English.
No. Say that you put a
lot of thought into a gift
for a special occasion,
would Brett laugh in your face
or would she appreciate
the effort and gesture?
I have no idea.
You don't want to start
something with Brett
just to find out that
you're not compatible.
We've got work to do.
Fine, but can you shower first?
What did you just say to me?
LEO: What are you
doing? Get away from me!
- Go away!
- Smell it!
Hi. I'm a huge fan.
Pleasure to meet you, A Huge Fan.
(LAUGHING)
Dad joke - love it.
My name is Andrew Pham.
Andrew. Of course!
I read that article about you
and your early hours nightclub.
Excellent initiative.
- Please sit, sit.
- Thank you.
(SIGHING CONTENTEDLY)
That really put Bubble Bae on my radar,
and I love supporting
our Asian community,
especially when it involves egg tarts.
(LAUGHING) I love egg tarts, too.
So, I'm actually pitching
to council tomorrow.
It's an initiative to expand
our summer camp program,
so no child is left behind.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Hmm. My kids never got into summer camp.
You know, they lived at
the water park all summer.
- It cost me a fortune.
- Right?
And that's the story
for a lot of families.
Hey, any chance you could give
me some advice for the pitch?
Hmm
Well, there's only one
real way to succeed.
Okay.
Bring it.
Oh, I got all the numbers and charts.
Numbers shmumbers.
We've got 43 proposals to evaluate.
These presentations can be
a real snooze-fest, you know?
I want to have fun.
Okay, okay.
I was born to razzle and dazzle.
You know, you remind me of a young me,
except with taller hair.
- Huh?
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Well, I gotta go.
Really looking forward to
hearing your pitch tomorrow.
This has meant more to me
than I can explain. Thank you.
Wow.
BOTH: It's razzle-dazzle time!
No, I totally understand.
No one wants to end the
night with violent diarrhea.
No, of course, I will
not be charging you.
- Well, I hope the rest of
- (CALL DISCONNECTS)
And they hung up. Okay.
Tonight's dinner didn't go so well?
I mixed up my dishes.
A vegan ate chicken. The
results were explosive.
Babe, have you seen that glove
I made with the laser pointers?
Oh, yeah, it's in the, um
nightstand.
Oh, yeah.
(EXHALING SHARPLY, SIGHING)
In any case, the
papers have been signed.
I'm moving out.
Ramesh Devani is a mooch no more.
No, I shouldn't have taken that dinner.
I'm overbooked. I'm stretched too thin.
Ah, we're still on you.
Pew, pew, pew, pew!
Although, it does remind me
of a lecture I used to give,
entitled "The Entrepreneur's First No".
HUDSON: Ah, you got me!
Camille, there comes a
time in every small business
where you either have to
grow or start saying no.
HUDSON: Aah! My eyes!
Babe, how late is the
optometrist open till?
Never mind, we'll just go.
I'm fine, man. Lasers fix eyes.
Okay, no, I will drive you.
My new place has 10-foot
ceilings, if anybody cares.
All right, and next for
our final presentation,
we have community development
with a summer camp
revitalization initiative.
(RAP BEAT PLAYING)
Refresh the debt,
always come correct ♪
Esteemed municipal councillors,
the children of this community
have been underserved every summer.
There is a serious need in Rockridge,
and that need
is more camps.
(RAP BEAT PLAYING)
♪
(PLAYING DISCORDANTLY)
(CONTINUES PLAYING DISCORDANTLY)
♪
(PLAYING DISCORDANT NOTE)
♪
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
BOTH: Ta-da!
I'm confused by what we just saw,
but I have been quite impressed
with your work this year, Andrew.
I really I think
you're onto something.
Do you have any numbers to back it up?
- Absolutely.
- VERNON: Really, Evelyn?
That was a lot of needless razzle-dazzle
that didn't have any business sense,
which is what this council needs,
especially considering the
upcoming election cycle.
Let's vote. All in favour of
squandering the public's money
- Squandering?
- on this summer camp
revitalization program?
Just just
Just one?
All opposed?
ANDREW: No, no, no.
Are you joking? What?
And that concludes
today's council session.
But, but, but, but, but, but
Meeting adjourned.
- Hey, Vernon!
- (SIGHING)
Mmm
Mm!
Excuse me.
(BREATHING HEAVILY) I'm everywhere, man.
What happened? You told
me to put on a show.
Did I?
You sabotaged me.
Look, don't take it personally.
In business, you got to
look out for yourself.
Gentlemen.
How could you?
You know, you really do
remind me of a young me,
back when I was a chump.
(LAUGHING)
HUDSON: Bad man!
You're a very bad man!
I really am a chump.
Oh, don't say that. We'll try again.
No, man.
It's been a year trying to get
this project going and failing.
I keep trying to improve Rockridge,
but everybody else wants
it to stay the same.
I'm done.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Eight more (MUTTERING)
- (DOORBELL RINGING)
- Can you not hear that?
Huh? What? Oh. Uh, sorry.
I'm just finishing up some invoices.
- Oh!
- (DOORBELL RINGING)
I wish someone else
would just do this for me.
It's called a business manager.
Hey, babe?
- Your publisher's here.
- CAMILLE: What?
Oh, Madeline! What are you doing here?
I have been trying to
reach you for an hour.
You made Alanis Morissette's book list.
BOTH: You Oughta Know About These Books?
- Yes!
- Holy crap!
- Aww, yeah!
- (ALL WHOOPING)
We're setting up a six-week
book tour this summer
to leverage the publicity!
(LAUGHING) Oh, yeah!
But I thought you were booked up
with dinners through the summer?
Right!
This tour means morning shows, signings.
This is huge publicity.
Right, right!
Can I think about it?
This is how your book
becomes a bestseller.
The wheels are already in motion.
- Mmm.
- Fine.
You have till tomorrow to decide.
May I offer a thought?
Dad, please, let me just
enjoy this for a moment.
Yes, of course. I'll get the champagne.
ANDREW: Oh!
Book tour!
Oh, so are we also
celebrating your camp project?
Actually, I got backstabbed.
Council turned me down.
What? Oh, babe, I'm so sorry.
It's fine. I'll take
vacation days and go on tour
with my soon-to-be
best-selling author wife.
- Really?
- Yeah!
You know, we should really celebrate.
Oh.
Let's get the laser glove.
Yes! Yeah! Yes! Let's
get the laser glove.
Start with a toast to
my successful daughter
(DOOR CLOSING)
Hmm. And my new marble countertops.
ANDREW: Ah, my eye!
Hey, Khia.
Hey.
Are you still mad?
It's okay.
To be fair, you didn't know
that celebrating our
three-month anniversary
for the first time we
held hands was a thing.
No, I didn't.
But the gift you gave me is adorkable,
and I love it.
LEO: But it's from a
shortfin mako, your favourite.
It's creepy. Sorry.
- Great advice, Khia.
- What happened?
I was going to ask my friend to grad,
but Khia said I should
get her a gift first
to test our compatibility.
So, I gave her a shark tooth.
Yikes.
Well, they did a school
project together on sharks.
It means something.
Well, she hated it.
You said how she reacts would
tell me if I was wasting my time.
Now, what do I do?
Really? Waste of time?
My advice?
Just ask her out and see what she says.
No tests or games.
Just be yourself.
- I'm gonna go.
- No, wait.
Valentina
Her advice was better.
You think?
Ahh! (SIGHING)
Something stinky's
happening with BBQ Man!
We got the receipts.
(SIGHING) I appreciate this,
but I'm done fighting.
What? You can't be. You're Andrew Pham -
you're my Asian idol.
- I am?
- Mine, too.
Now, listen.
Something didn't sit right with me
when Vernon was all like, "In business,
you have to look out for yourself."
Look at this receipt from
the egg tarts he bought.
Look at the name.
"Park Park 001".
So, what? It's his company card.
Yeah, maybe.
But check out my credit
card statement from February
when I bought a season's
pass to the water park.
Damn, February?
You gotta get in while it's cool.
"Park Park 001".
Does Vernon own the water park?
If he does, he's definitely benefiting
from not enough camp spots for kids.
And there's only one
way to find out, my man.
How?
Financial forensics! Here we go!
ANDREW: Give me those
numbers. What's those numbers?
CATHY: Check this out.
ANDREW: You two, cut it out!
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
Park Park, Park Park 003?
♪
HUDSON: Park Park Parkity-Park!
Got him!
Whoa! I was just gonna have toast.
I can't talk. I'm double
booked for tonight.
Ow! Ow!
Camille!
Can't stop. Must chop.
Babe, this is not the way.
Aah! I already can't keep up.
I mean, how could I possibly go on tour?
Though, how could I not?
This could be a
once-in-a-lifetime chance.
ANDREW: Hey
it's all gonna work out.
We're in this together, okay?
(SIGHING)
Did you know my dad is moving out?
- No.
- (SIGHING)
I don't know if I want him to go.
Have you told him?
CAMILLE: No.
What was all that about last night?
Oh, we figured out Vern
has a conflict of interest.
We're gonna expose him,
so they'll have to
re-vote on my camp plan.
So, it might still happen?
Yeah, but it'd mean I
can't go on the book tour.
We'll figure it out. Team Pham.
Team Pham.
(SIGHING) Okay.
Hey, Dad.
Can I have one of these?
I've grown to love the chalkiness.
Sure.
So, packing up?
Oh, questions about me. Delightful.
Okay, listen.
I know I've been avoiding
the convo, but I just
I don't want you to leave.
Part of me doesn't either.
I've grown to love the mustiness.
But this can't be my last chapter.
And I'm not going far.
My condo is just down
Be my business manager.
I beg your pardon?
Well, I need someone
to run the day-to-day,
and if you say yes, I can hire
a chef to cover the cooking,
and then I can go on my book tour.
What do you say?
Camille, it would be my privilege.
You know, traditionally,
I'd negotiate a signing bonus,
but I actually have something for you.
You found Mom's cookbook?
RAMESH: Just now.
It's funny to think that it
all started with this book.
I'm so proud of you.
And I'm excited to be
part of your next chapter.
- Same here.
- Excellent.
Because I am going to need
help repainting my new condo.
Oh? What colour is it?
Taupe.
- Not the good taupe.
- Oh.
Oh
That's going to clash with my lifestyle.
So, is this your first
time having bubble tea?
BRETT: No, we had some, like,
yesterday. Don't you remember?
You wanted to talk?
Yeah.
Um
Wait, is this happening?
I I think so.
Okay, look, Valentina, I'm sorry.
I know that you do care.
I was just upset because
I get weirdly sentimental sometimes.
Blame my dad.
But we don't have to celebrate our
three-month handiversary.
I like sentimental,
and I want to celebrate every
anniversary you come up with.
Just tell me what they are first, okay?
Yes, yes, I can do that.
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, look.
So, do you want to
go to junior high grad with me?
Is it like a date?
Yes?
BOTH: Aww.
Good afternoon, distinguished
members of council.
VERNON: What are you doing here?
Your project was rejected, Andrew.
Your time is over.
No, your time is over, Vernon.
What's going on?
Councillor Park is the silent owner
of the Rockridge water park,
trampoline park, skate park,
and amusement park.
Hmm?
So what?
Your kids couldn't get into camp,
but instead of trying
to fix the problem,
you bought all the
businesses benefiting from it.
That's why you sabotaged my camp pitch.
You can't blame me for building
an empire for my family.
Yeah, well, Andrew looks out for
all the families in Rockridge.
Mm-hmm!
- Thanks, dawg.
- I got you.
Vernon, you know the rules.
That was a conflict of interest.
You should have never
voted on the camp proposals.
Andrew, thank you for
bringing this to our attention
and for standing up for
the people of Rockridge.
I really hope you pitch again next year.
Wait. There's no re-vote?
We've already allocated the funds.
I'm sorry. This meeting is adjourned.
(VERNON CHUCKLING)
(VERNON SIGHING CONTENTEDLY)
Well, done, Andrew.
You tried. You really
really tried. But, uh
I run Rockridge. Remember that, Pham.
(CLICKING TONGUE) Dawg.
HUDSON: Oh, you did not just
(CLICKING TONGUE)
me. You did not just
- (CLICKING TONGUE) me.
- No, no, no, no.
Okay, okay, that man
is a narcissistic bully.
Yeah.
You know, we could really use somebody
who's got Rockridge's
best interests at heart
making decisions for once.
- She talking about me?
- She's talking about you.
- She's talking about me?
- She's talkin' about you.
Hey, Vernon,
don't get too comfortable
in your seat on council.
Young blood's coming up.
Ooh-ooh!
HUDSON: Dawg!
♪
We got some snacks.
Well, Andrew, I'm proud of you
for standing up for the little person,
even though it ended
up in crushing defeat.
Rockridge is going to need
a change in leadership soon.
But for right now, we've got
a book tour to look forward to.
Wait. We're not all going, are we?
Yeah, no offense, Mom.
Super proud, but I've got a job,
and both of us are boo'd up now.
Shut up!
Leo, you got a boo?
Okay, well, we're not going to
let you stay home for six weeks.
I mean, we don't really need you.
(GASPING)
He just means that we're old enough now,
we don't need supervision,
and you two can go have fun.
Fret not. I don't move in
until August, so I will be here.
BOTH: So close.
I mean, we have been meaning
to spend more time together.
Yeah, but we've never been away
from the kids for that long.
You know what? It's gonna be great.
I'm so proud of all of you.
Okay, well, we waited long enough.
Leo, who's your boo?
Nobody.
It's Brett!
- (gasping)
- LEO: Khia!
- Ahh!
- (ALL GASPING)
- Stop!
- (ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE)
Oh, tell me all about it!
I want all the details! All the details!
(RAPPING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
♪