Schitt's Creek (2015) s03e13 Episode Script

1 Alexis, I have a favour Oh, great.
Um I would love a ride to work.
I meant, I have a favour to ask.
You just said that you have a favour.
As in, for me.
Well, who says that, 'I have a favour for you?' Okay.
Are you saying that you can't drive me to work? No, I can't.
I need you to work the motel this Friday.
Ewww! What?! We're all pitching in these days, dear.
Like communists or non-union actors.
Okay.
Well, I would love to, but it's my high school graduation on Friday.
Your graduation is this Friday? - Mhm.
- What? I didn't tell you because I don't want you to come.
It's bad enough that I have to wear that unflattering black dress and then the hat with the thing on it in front of people that I don't know.
Yeah, I'm not going.
I was at your first graduation and it's not my fault that you weren't there.
We all have to go, David, unless you have some special excuse.
It's my birthday.
Yeah.
Well We, we didn't forget.
No, we've been talking about it for weeks.
You've been talking about it for weeks.
Well, we'll just have to have a birthday and graduation celebration all in one.
Yeah.
I'm very uninterested in that option.
- As am I.
- No.
Seriously don't come.
They can't say we didn't try.
- Ugh.
- What? Woof David.
(Light Jazz music plays) Oh, can I get a gift receipt for that? It's for an anniversary.
Oh.
Well, isn't that thoughtful.
I wish everyone remembered special days like that, but, alas, that's not what this world is anymore.
I'll just take that gift receipt.
Yeah.
Okay.
- You're a good person.
- Uh.
(Door creaks) Is everything okay? Yeah.
It's fine.
All right.
Here is a question.
Um, has your family ever forgotten your birthday? Like your parents and your sister, collectively, as a whole? That would be a no.
No, I've always had some kind of party.
- Oh.
- In fact, sometimes two parties.
One before school ended with my friends.
And then another with my family with my cousins who were kinda more like siblings.
But they, they forget other things.
Yeah.
I'm sure.
Yeah.
I'm kinda piecing together that it might be your birthday? Yes, it is.
Well, happy birthday.
How old are we Do you have any plans for today or? Ah, I plan on popping a pill, crying a bit and falling asleep early.
So just a regular weeknight.
Well, it sounds like fun! It is.
You ever tried the Cafe Tropical? I've heard people raving about how "moderately edible" the food is there.
Well, yes.
We could, we could go for a birthday dinner.
- You don't have to do that.
- No, I-I'd like to.
- Sure.
- Let's say eight o'clock.
- Okay.
- Okay.
(Spritzing) - Those are wet now.
- That's a lot of spritzing.
- I'm gonna dry those off.
- Okay.
Okay, another girl dropped off her resume this morning.
Ted, have you read these? These are actually very impressive.
There are people here who went to school specifically for vet stuff.
Yeah, well, y'know, formal training is usually encouraged.
Well, I don't have formal training.
This person's assisted with surgeries.
Is that something that I should be doing? No.
God no.
Well, Ted, if there are people here that can help you, you should hire them.
Well I'm very happy with the job that you're doing.
And I I like having you here.
Well, I like being here, but not as much as like (reads) Tiffany Seraris.
The poor thing went to cat camp.
So what are you saying? Well, I'm saying I didn't realize that there was a huge pile of way more qualified people just like waiting to be hired.
Yeah.
But you're learning.
I know, but I'm taking someone's desk here.
Like someone who actually wants to touch animals a lot.
Like Maybe there's a job out there that I'm better suited for.
And some other like gorgeous, slightly under qualified girl is sitting at my desk asking herself the same question.
Okay I'm just realizing that wanting to come in and laugh at your animal puns isn't enough when there is like people here.
Those were genuine laughs? Sometimes, yeah.
Well, I can't say the reception will be as fun, but that's really generous of you, Alexis.
Like, surprisingly generous.
No I know.
So, um, I guess I should go.
I have my graduation tonight, so.
Well, it's only eleven.
And I am paying you for the day.
I totally get that.
I will stay until four.
Day ends at five, but sure.
(Dog barks) Johnny: Damian Steele.
Okay, we will see you soon! Bye.
Yeah.
Stevie! Stevie! - Stevie: Have you tried restarting it? - What? Oh.
Sorry, I thought you were having trouble with the computer again.
No, no.
Well, I'm stuck on all caps, but no.
Come here, take a look.
Look, we are sold out.
I just booked the last room.
Are you sure you didn't put the same reservation in twice? Because you've done that before.
No.
Booked.
We can now fire up the 'no' in the 'no vacancy' sign.
Oh, yeah, that burnt out years ago.
Sadly it hasn't been an issue, but maybe we could use the 'no' from the 'no refunds' sign.
All right.
We'll figure out.
But I am so proud of our little team.
Up here.
Come on.
I don't think we're those kind of people.
In the sky! Here we go! Yeah! Big day! Big day, Stevie! Moira: As long as we have some time, I thought we'd revisit this delightful little number.
I can't even remember why we stopped working on it.
Because we are an ensemble group And this requires a lead vocal that just happens to be in your range.
Ronnie, When one of us shines, all of us shine.
That is the meaning of ensemble.
Sorry, gals.
I just got caught up on the phone.
I have good news and, and some bad news.
Oh.
Is the bad news that there is no good news? My aunt used to play this game with me a lot.
The good news is I just got off the phone with the little towns big voices festival and the Elmdale songbirds have had to drop out at the last minute.
They got a terrible stomach flu that just run right through them.
So the festival was wondering if the Jazzagals would sub in tonight! - (Happy gasps) - Oh, wow.
And of course the bad news is that Moira and I won't be able to attend.
(Disappointed reactions) Oh.
I'm sorry, w-why can't I? Because your daughter is graduating high school.
Oh.
And what a grand night it will be for you and your charges.
But the Roses' will not be at graduation.
No, Alexis has veritably browbeaten us not to attend.
I wouldn't be surprised if she skips the whole affair herself.
Waggish little nymph, that she is.
So Well, then I guess it's just me that won't be making it to the festival.
Oh, Jocelyn, don't worry we will do you proud.
I think we might just have the perfect number for it.
Don't you think? (Door creaks open and shut) (Keys jingle) Well, look at you You are radiant.
Hardly.
You are, Alexis.
Oh, I'd advise against the mortarboard.
It'll flattens the hair and pull focus away from that beautiful face.
Well, I think everyone has to wear one.
Hm.
But by not wearing one, you'll stand out.
And by the fact that you're a good ten years older than everyone else.
Okay.
Um, is this straight? Does it look okay? Mhm.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't know why.
Everybody graduates from high school.
You know, it isn't easy.
Especially at your age.
Okay, Can you please stop saying that.
Alexis, you've worked very hard and now that you've done this, the world is gonna open up wide for you.
Um, you know It's not too late if you wanna come.
Hey, it's okay.
Don't worry about me.
Mommy is going to be fine.
And I'll respect your wishes.
I'm just saying like if you do wanna come.
Well, it's a little late now.
Whatever, if you have plans that's totally fine.
Now I do.
Now I'm doing a big concert with the Jazzagals.
Because you're the one who told us you didn't want anyone there.
Okay.
Totally is, it's totally fine.
Had I known.
It's gonna be long and boring anyway so.
Alexis.
Alexis, I hope you know that you have been and always will be one of my top priorities.
Thanks.
Well, we'll see you afterwards.
We'll all have lots to celebrate then.
All of us.
(Crickets chirp) (Music plays softly) I almost didn't see you there through the mad rush of the Friday night dinner crowd.
I'm just so relieved that I made a reservation.
Yes.
Well, You look very nice.
Oh, thanks.
Well, you know, I assumed that the cafe would have a dinner jacket policy and I didn't wanna wear one of theirs.
Mhm.
Well, the amazing thing about this place is that they've done such a wonderful job of editing down the menu to a very concise, world-class selection of international cuisine.
Agreed.
Agreed.
Dare we try the deep fried mozzarella stick platter? Mmm.
They do a lovely wine pairing with that so Sorry, I'm late.
Is everybody here or are other people coming? I don't know.
Is anyone else coming? No.
This is uh, this is it.
In case you didn't know, I'm widely popular.
Some might even venture to call me beloved.
That's a bit of a stretch.
Welcome Stevie.
I, I, I'm sorry if I'd known you were coming I would have them set three places but - Oh.
- Did I not tell you? But, you know, hey, the more the merrier.
I'm just going to hit the restroom real quick.
And then I'll come back.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
- Is this okay? - Yeah.
Why? Because he bought you a present.
It's very nicely wrapped.
So I think I'm crashing a date? Oh, no.
No, no.
He thinks you guys were here, one-on-one.
He brought you a present.
I didn't even get you a present.
No, I noticed that.
Do you want me to look? No I don't want you to look.
Okay, I'll just say this if there's anything remotely sentimental in here, he is on a date with you right now.
(Applause) Sophie Nguyen (Applause) Brad Poloski Which ones are your parents? Oh, um, I told them not to come.
Alexis Rose.
(Applause) (Door shuts) Oh, I see you found my present.
Um, Yeah.
We just didn't want anything to spill on it.
So you put it on the table? - Yeah.
- Huh Open it, David! Oh, no, no, no no, you can open it later.
It's really not a big deal.
It's not This is the first gift I haven't bought myself in a very long time.
So thank you.
You're gonna be really underwhelmed when you open it.
Trust me.
It's not-See.
It's nothing.
What is it? Oh, it's just the receipt from our first sale at the store.
Um, this is not nothing.
So, thank you.
I overheard someone wanted Mozzarella sticks for their birthday.
Pretty sure I scraped off all the freezer burn.
Wow.
Look at those.
Do you guys need anything else? 'Cause I'm just heading out so You know what, I have to go too.
I totally forgot.
I'm gonna take some to go.
Okay.
I should warn you, these don't travel well.
Even coming from the kitchen they lost a lot of shape.
Um, this is a very solid frame.
Thank you, I'm learning.
- Shall we? - Mmm.
(Low hum of chatter) - What are you doing here? - It's your graduation.
What do you think I'm doing here? I was just taking pictures.
I just quit, I thought you wouldn't wanna come Let's try to find another word for 'quit.
' You know, it kinda implies poor management.
Besides you just, 'cause you've decided to move on, doesn't mean we can't still see each other, right? Mhm.
Move down.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Thank you.
I'm really glad you're here.
Me too.
I'm gonna have to look at those photos before you share them or post them.
Yeah.
Of course.
Yeah.
(Johnny on the phone) No, I-I'm very sorry to tell you that we are all booked up tonight.
No room at the inn! (Door opens) Yeah.
No, no.
I can imagine with that many kids and a grandmother, that it might be tough getting last-minute accommodations but Hello? Hello? Wow, isn't this a hot spot to be on a Friday night, huh? Well, this is a big night, Roland.
- That's good.
- Waiting for our last guest.
He was supposed to be show up an hour ago.
Well, Johnny, I would love to sit and wait with you, but I've got a reservation, so if you could just give me my room key that'd be great.
- You have a reservation? - Mhm.
Yeah.
Roland, we have a full house tonight, and I do not see your name down here.
Johnny, you'll find me under Damien Steele.
You're Damien Steele? Shh! Come on, I don't want the whole town to find out.
Roland, I've been waiting here all night for Damien Steele It's David's birthday, Alexis is graduating.
See Johnny, the mayor of the town can't use his real name to check into a love motel.
Yeah, it's not a love motel, Roland.
Oh, It will be tonight, my friend.
See, Jocelyn and I have a yearly tradition.
Every grad night we like to pretend to be other people - if you know what I mean.
- Yeah, you just told me what you mean.
Oh, we've been doing this ever since our own grad night.
If you catch my drift.
Yeah, I caught your drift when you told me what you mean.
So when Joce shows up and she says her name is Lisa Meriweather, just roll with it, okay? Here is your key, Roland.
Okay.
Damien.
Congratulations, graduates, in honor of your achievement, we have an extra special surprise.
- Ted: Hm.
- Hm.
Okay.
I think we're good here.
Oh really? She said, extra special.
I think we should stay.
(Low hum of chatter) Oohhh Tu, baroo, Tu baroo Sha la la, Ohhhh Tu, Tu, Tu, baroo Ohhhh, oohhhh Sha la la, Ohhhh, bop Baby I'm yours (baby I'm Yours) And I'll be yours until The stars fall from the sky Yours until the rivers all run dry In other words, until I die (Bop) Baby I'm yours (baby I'm Yours) And I'll be yours (yours) Until the sun no longer shines (Car rumbles) Well, that was a fun night.
I'm really glad I decided to invest in your business, David.
That is really lovely thing to say.
And I'm so glad you did, Patrick, because you've really helped to turn it into the success that it is.
Hmm.
A bold claim.
(Clears throat) Thank you.
- For what? - Um, I've never done that before with a guy.
Okay.
Yeah.
And uh, (chuckle) I was getting a little scared that I was gonna let you leave here without us having done that.
So uh, thank you for um making that happen for us.
Well, um, fortunately, I'm an very generous person.
So Can we talk tomorrow? Hm.
We can talk whenever you'd like.
Just preferably not before 10 a.
m.
, Um, 'cause I'm not really a morning person.
Mhm.
(Door opens) Goodnight, David.
(Door shuts) Goodnight, Patrick.
- Happy birthday, David.
- Happy graduation, Alexis.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
For he's a jolly good fellow, For she's a jolly good fellow, For they're two jolly good fellows For graduating today and being born today (Clapping) "Happy day Alex and Davis".
We've done the best we can.
And we should congratulate your mother on her performance tonight.
- (Clapping) Let's not forget, your father, Mr.
Rose, sold out this motel for the first time ever.
(Quiet clap) - Okay.
- Yeah! (Clapping, laughing) For we're all jolly good people, For we're all jolly good people For we're all jolly good people Okay, I think that this is really pulling focus from my birthday a bit though.
That your Mother and me And Father and me Are so proud oooffff!