Stargate: Atlantis s03e13 Episode Script
Irresponsible
This hero you speak of, he doesnt happen to have a name, does he? No, the Athosian who spoke to me of his deeds simply referred to him as a great hero of the town.
A warrior who possesses almost superhuman-like powers.
Weve sent teams to this planet before.
Theyre good traders and kind people.
I dont recall there being many superheroes.
Sounds like one of my people.
Well, whoever it is, it would be nice to have someone like that on our side.
If the rumors are true, sounds to me someones imaginations run a little wild.
As I said, my fellow Athosian who spoke to me of this hero saw him in action against several armed men.
I do that all the time.
- Wheres McKay? McKAY: Im here, Im here.
I had to get my autograph book in case Teylas superhero turned out to be the real deal.
Well, at the very least see if you can establish trade relations with the townspeople.
We will.
Dial the gate.
My childhood hero was Evel Knievel.
Was he not evil? No, that was just his name.
He was a daredevil, which isnt a kind of a devil.
He jumped motorcycles over things.
Why? Just because.
Didnt always make it, either.
And you greatly admired this behavior? No, I just Look, at least my hero is human.
McKays is Batman.
McKAY: Misunderstood and unappreciated by many.
His most formidable weapon was the power of his brilliant mind.
Not just a hero, a superhero.
Dougy Angus, the Highland giant.
Not only a hero, but a legend in Scotland.
Namakaeha Towrik, my first unit commander.
He once fought and killed gutting them with his bare hands.
He was also a funny guy too.
Yes, I can imagine the jokes and the entrails flying.
Good day, travelers.
Good day to you.
This is your first visit to our village? Several of my people have said that you are good and fair traders.
We are.
My fellow Athosians also speak of a great hero who protects this town.
Rumor has it hes a warrior with some impressive kills, including the Wraith.
This is true.
Then theres a good chance he is one of my people.
Can you take us to him? Of course.
This way.
Here he is.
The mightiest of heroes, our champion protector.
- Lucius Luvin.
- Well.
Will you look who it is.
Youve got to be kidding me.
As I lay there, the Iratus bugs tendrils just grasping my throat, choking me.
I could feel my very life essence ebb and wane.
With every passing second, I could feel myself drawing closer to death.
Had I been the only one in that building the only one in that burning building, I would have surrendered and allowed sleep to overtake me.
But there were women and children there with me whose very survival lay in my hands, and Im not about to let them down.
So I reached deep down within me, and I summoned whatever strength I had and I grabbed that bug, and I ripped him away and through sheer force of will, I began to choke him, and- Ow, ow! Ow! Ow! - I thought that wasnt gonna hurt.
- I lied.
Ow.
And I sprang up, and I led them all to safety.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
Thanks very much.
How? What? Howd you lead the people to safety? You said the way out was blocked.
Well, you were listening.
Thats good.
Thats good, because it was.
It was blocked, until I cleared a path through the burning wreckage and ignoring the searing heat and the flames that were just swirling and swirling- - But how did you-? - Okay, thats enough reminiscing for today.
Theres plenty more where that story came from.
When we gather tomorrow IIl tell you about how I was almost seduced by a beautiful Ancient.
Sounds entertaining.
Yeah, youd think, but between you and me, not much.
You know, your stories are awfully fascinating and familiar.
All right.
I admit, I took some inspiration from some of the mission reports that I perused while I was on Atlantis but I spiced them.
A little story here, a bit of a story there.
All right, Im done here.
No, youre not gonna find any trace of that special herb in my system.
I learned my lesson the last time, thanks to all of you.
You mean these people are not drugged they simply adore you for who you are? Yeah.
Isnt that great? You dont believe me.
Lucius, I have a lab set up, so I think IIl just run the test anyway.
Youre wasting your time.
In all modesty these people love me, pure and true.
Lucius, you cant say anything modestly.
I saved them.
A couple of months ago, these ruffians come into town, start causing trouble.
I beat them up, I chase them away and all of a sudden Im the town hero.
Theyre giving me gifts the women, theyre throwing themselves at me.
Just like the old days, except better, because now theyre not drugged.
Hang on, hang on.
So you beat them up? Yes, me.
- I did.
- Howd you manage that? Its not so hard when youre invincible.
Im invincible.
Right.
All right.
Looks like this is gonna take some convincing.
Now, let me see.
Perfect.
Hey, time for a demonstration.
What is he-? Let it go.
Trust me.
Drop it.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
Hit me.
- Dont.
- Come on, hit me.
I wouldnt.
Im telling you, dont.
Ah! Ah! See? Invincible.
I cant be vinced.
As it turns out, I had this personal shield all along.
It was a gift from one of my admirers back at the old village before I was forced to pack up and leave, thank you.
I didnt even know what it was until I went to Atlantis perused some of the reports about the Ancient devices that you discovered.
You did an awful lot of perusing while you were on the base.
I peruse.
Its a gift.
Hey, sweetheart.
- Say you come by my place tonight? - No, thanks.
Wait, wait, wait.
Im the town hero.
That was ages ago.
Let me tell you something.
Youre only as good as your last rescue.
How is it that youre able to operate Ancient technology without the ATA gene? Oh, that was easy.
All I did was find a guy with the gene have him initiate the device.
It took a long time, but once it was done, I could activate this thing anytime.
Fascinating.
You do know those things run out of juice eventually? Come on.
These Ancient things last forever.
Lunch is on me.
Im gonna go take a walk.
If I dont see you before you leave, well, then IIl just talk to you later.
Were not going until we get those results.
Whatever you want.
People to save.
Well, what do you think? Perhaps hes learned a lesson.
- Hes Lucius.
Are you kidding me? Well, hes made a lot of mistakes in the past, but, well, who hasnt? Why are you looking at me? Hes trying to do something good in order to get people to like him this time.
Well, Ive completed my tests.
Looks like Lucius is telling the truth.
No traces of the drug in his system.
Hes clean.
- Thats our cue to leave.
McKAY: Wait, wait, wait.
Im the only one that thinks hes taking advantage of people.
You want another crack at that shield.
Youre damn right I do.
Look, it could come in extremely handy.
Hes practically wasting it.
Wheres Lucius? He went out for a stroll.
He should be returning shortly.
Well, whenever he gets back, tell him we said goodbye.
All right.
I think were making a mistake.
WeIl have the Athosians keep an eye out on everyone.
If anything gets out of control, weIl come back.
Drop your weapons or die where you stand.
I said drop your weapons.
Were not looking for a fight.
Were just passing through town.
Ive got two on my right, and one straight dead ahead.
Two at 12 oclock, one behind the fruit stand.
If we act now we risk injuring innocent villagers.
And us.
We risk injuring us.
I can take mine before they get a shot.
There may be others hidden where we cannot see.
Its your call.
Heres the thing.
If we all start shooting at each other somebodys bound to get hurt.
I can pretty much guarantee youIl be one of them.
Are you this hero weve heard rumors of? No.
Come here.
Come.
Come on.
Then lower your weapons.
Okay.
Sheppard? - Trust me on this one.
So where is this hero? One whod surely stop us from emptying the towns coffers helping ourselves to its women and burning it to the ground once were done.
So tell me, where is he? Where is this brave hero who would keep us from destroying everything? Hes right here.
For I am the man you seek.
Kill him.
Get out.
Dont come back.
For so long as I protect these people this town shall be safe.
Lucius! Lucius! Lucius, Lucius, Lucius! So I finish off the last Wraith guard I turn around, I look at the queen, and I say: « You know, if you were 20 pounds heavier, youd look like my ex-wife.
» I said that because she was just so fat.
Hey, Colonel Sheppard.
Hey, come in.
Sit down, sit down.
Make way.
- Let him have a seat.
- No, no, we have to go.
Youre sure? Theyre making a schnitzel in my honor tonight.
No, we gotta get back.
I guess the only thing left to do is for you to thank me.
What for? For saving your lives.
- Thank you.
- Please.
- It was nothing.
- Yeah, it was nothing.
What are you talking about, « It was nothing« ou »? These people had you on your knees.
- Yes, they did.
Well youre welcome.
Be careful on the way back to the gate because theres talk of some angry raiders in the area.
No, no, no, lets go.
You know what? Im gonna go out for a walk, take a look around make sure those ruffians are gone for good, all right? Dont you worry, IIl be back.
Nice job, everybody.
- Very convincing.
A little too convincing.
You took out three of Lankos teeth, broke Fortnums wrist.
Hey, I had to make it look good.
Heres a little something that may make it worthwhile.
This isnt the amount we agreed on.
Yeah, well, to tell you the truth you guys didnt really seem to have your hearts in it.
We made a deal.
Well, maybe next time youIl make more of an effort.
How dare you speak down to us? We were elite soldiers in the Genii army.
Cowans personal guard.
Yeah, you were.
Now youre mercenaries.
Come on, as far as jobs-for-hire go, this wasnt so bad.
You come in, you scare a few people, you take a few punches, then you leave.
You get paid, nobody gets hurt.
Well, except for Lanko and of course, Fortnum, with his gimpy wrist.
Sorry about that.
We may have been forced from our homes when Ladon Radim took power were still Genii.
One of these days weIl march into the capital and retake what was ours.
Yeah, well, good luck with that.
Kick it.
Kick it.
Oh, please, come on.
There you go.
Yeah.
Anybody else? Anybody else wanna take a crack at me, huh? Hey.
Hey, what are you doing back here? I thought you left town.
We were leaving when we ran into this gentleman who has a very interesting story to tell.
Speaking of stories, did I ever tell the story about the time I was on this planet made entirely of lava- Theres no point in pretending, Lucius.
You lied to these people.
This mans not a hero.
He paid those men to show up, then made it look like he came to your rescue.
Its true.
It was all a setup to make him look like he saved the town.
Deceiver.
You do have every right to be upset with him.
Not him.
You.
Me? Unable to accept the shame of surrendering to those raiders he chooses to besmirch our Lucius.
The whole thing was an act.
The guns werent even loaded.
If it were not for Lucius you would all be dead.
Yeah.
- No, he tricked you.
- You dont know him like we do.
- Were the good guys.
- Oh, please.
Get out of here.
Go.
Leave.
Youre not welcome here.
Go away.
Go back to where you came from.
Listen, I want to apologize for the whole angry mob thing.
I suppose we should be grateful.
McKAY: Yes, well, he did stop them from swarming us.
Just consider it my way of saying all is forgiven.
- All right, Im putting a stop to this.
- Oh, come on, they just got started.
Im not talking about the foot massage.
Actually, I am talking about the foot massage.
All right, all right.
Girls, come back later, all right? This little scam of yours- Scam? What scam? You are taking advantage of these people.
It looks that way, but I was being honest about those thugs that attacked this village a couple months ago.
This is a nice town, nice people.
They needed somebody to save them, so I did.
I was a hero.
- Todays incident- - Performance.
It was just my way of reminding them of that fact.
I insisted the guns not be loaded so nobody would get hurt.
- That was nice of you.
Yeah.
- You had to go and figure it out.
- Go out there now and come clean with these people.
- Or else.
- Or else what? Ah-ah-ah.
No, you cant threaten me on account of my shield.
They wont believe you.
Youre trying to figure out a way to hurt me, arent you? Yep.
Yeah, well, you keep thinking, big boy, because- Its not me this time, I swear.
Kolya.
The soldiers are Genii, and theyre part- I know all about Kolya and the Genii.
When I was on Atlantis, I perused- Mission reports.
Right, right.
- This is very bad.
- No, no, this is great.
ThisIl be an opportunity for me to solidify my place in the community.
- TheyIl give me a parade after this one.
Hey, hang on.
Youre not taking on Kolya and his men.
Why? They cant hurt me.
Ive got the shield.
And if they burn the town down around you out of spite? Well, thatd be petty of them.
Yeah, well, theyre like that.
Obviously somebody tipped them off that were here.
- So go ahead, shoot them.
- Good idea.
Colonel, you cant.
- Just Kolya.
- The shooting will not stop them.
- Shes right.
WeIl have to kill them all.
- Im all right with that, by the way.
- Good, lets do it.
- John.
- What? - You cant.
- Oh, Im pretty sure I can.
In fact- If we open fire with them, many of these townspeople will be killed.
They do not deserve to die because of us.
If they search the town and cannot find us, then they will simply move on.
Nobody gets hurt.
Thats my vote, and my heartfelt recommendation.
You want to hide.
We could call it strategic concealment.
- I got just the place.
Well, Im sure you do.
Here.
See, I like to entertain and on occasion a husband will get angry, come looking for his wife - so to avoid an awkward scenario- - Okay, we get it.
IIl let you know when the bad guys clear out.
Dont screw around, Lucius, all right? Tell them weve moved on.
Once they get out of town or out in the open weIl deal with it ourselves.
Its no time to be a hero, you understand? - Perfectly.
- Im serious.
I can see that.
No heroics.
All right, thats enough.
Take your men and get out.
This town is under my protection.
Is it? It is.
So you got two choices: You can either leave, or IIl make you leave.
Interesting.
- Is that the best you can do? - As a matter of fact no, it isnt.
I admit, I got a shield, but I gotta breathe.
I shouldve thought of that.
Not so invincible now, are we, hero? - You led them here? - Theyve been looking for Sheppard.
- We had a deal.
I saw an opportunity, I took it.
No different than what you did.
But I didnt hurt anybody.
All right, that guy, Lanko, and the one with the gimpy wrist.
Look, I dont wanna hurt you or anyone in this town.
All I want is Sheppard and his team.
But I told you, you missed them.
Maybe if you hurry, you can get them before they get to the gate.
My men are already guarding the gate.
IIl ask you once more.
Where are they? I dont know.
I dont.
Well, then weIl have to do a thorough job of searching the area which could take hours.
How long can you hold your breath? Well, that didnt take too long.
All right, lets get out of this town and set up a decent ambush without all these people around.
They werent there.
Really? Thats weird.
I wonder where they couldve gone.
That personal shield of yours is very interesting.
Yeah.
If we were to bury you alive, it would protect you from the weight of the soil but you would still suffocate.
A fascinating way to die, dont you think? I gotta tell you, its not that fascinating to me.
It is to me.
Wait, wait, you cant kill me.
Look, Im the perfect bait.
If Sheppard finds out that Im in trouble hes gonna come rescue me.
Were really close.
You and Sheppard? - Yeah.
- I dont think so.
Then Weir, or Rodney, or Carson.
Were like the best of friends.
- And how is it you know them so well? - I spent some time in Atlantis.
Its the nicest place Ive ever been.
Best time I ever had.
I remember it like I was there this morning.
Tell me more.
So I finish off the last Wraith guard, and I turn to the queen, and I say: « If you were 20 pounds heavier youd look like my ex-wife.
» Of course, my ex-wife was a knockout, but wheres the funny in that? That personal shield is amazing.
You mind if I try it? - Yeah, go ahead.
- IIl give it back.
Got you.
What, you think Id let you have this? - Youd kill me right on the spot.
- Yeah, slit your throat from ear to ear.
Good times.
Good times.
I love hearing about your former wives, but Id rather hear more about Atlantis.
- I told you everything already.
- In that case its getting late, and I could use some rest before the funeral.
Funeral? Oh, no.
Oh, no, dont bury me alive.
Please.
I dont deserve that.
Nobody deserves that.
I deserve banishment.
Thats what I- Lucius.
- What are you doing here? Kolyas got all the exits out of town covered and rumor has it they were gonna bury you alive.
- I cant believe it.
You came to save me? - Yeah, neither can I.
- Lets go.
- I cant, Im tied to the chair.
Oh, no.
Good luck with that shield.
Wait, wait.
Come on, untie me.
McKAY: Ow.
We have them.
What, are you crazy? You couldve killed me.
That shield of yours impresses me more and more.
You did your part, Lucius.
You get to live another day.
Sheppard? He got away.
Thats unfortunate.
Thanks for sparing me, sir.
Dont disappoint me again.
Secure the prisoners.
Perhaps theyIl be more effective bait.
Get this fixed.
- Do you think he got away? - If theyd captured the colonel - wouldnt he be here with us? - HeIl be back in a Jumper in no time.
Your friend escaped the village.
They are still looking for him.
If they havent found him, chances are he managed to slip the perimeter.
Yes, he and Lucius are no doubt plotting our rescue.
Lucius? He would not abandon us.
Sure.
Like he wouldnt sell us out while we try to rescue him.
He would never do that.
Okay, you know what? Just stop it, all right? Lucius is not a superhero.
Batman, thats a superhero.
I dont understand.
Your people cannot place their future in Luciushands.
The time has come for you to save yourselves.
We have no hope of defeating these soldiers.
You will with our help.
Then why did you not do so before? We were concerned for the safety of the village.
- Now we dont care.
- Okay, just pretend he didnt say that, and then just let us out of here.
No, its too dangerous.
Best to wait for Lucius to return, then heIl save us all.
No, wait.
Lucius isnt a hero.
Dont, dont.
I swear I didnt know about the bomb.
- I dont know what they were doing.
- Howd you get out? Everybodys looking for you.
I walked unnoticed.
Isnt that something? - What are we gonna do? - What are we gonna do? IIl tell you what Im gonna do.
IIl get by Kolyas men, get to the gate and call for reinforcements.
Reinforcements? - What do you say we get off this planet? - My team is back there.
So is a guy who wants to bury me alive.
Youre done playing hero now, are you? You can leave as soon as we get to the gate.
Keep up.
- Youre angry.
See, thats anger.
- Shut up.
Youre not trying to dig your way out of here? Find another spoon.
This will go twice as fast.
Someones coming.
I have to give Colonel Sheppard credit.
No ones caused me this much trouble.
Unfortunately, Im going to have to kill him.
- Funny, he says the same about you.
- Really? Im flattered.
You cant kill him if you cant catch him.
I will, eventually.
McKAY: And what about us? How do we fit into your evil plans for galactic domination? YouIl be allowed to stay alive for the time being unless you were stupid enough to eat the meal you were served.
Im just kidding.
- Oh, thank God.
- In fact I intend to send you back, in exchange for a few things.
There is no way Dr.
Weir will cut a deal with you even if our lives are in danger.
You know that.
In the past, I may have been a little too ambitious with my demands.
This time, however, I have no intention of backing Dr.
Weir into a corner.
After all, whats a small number of your P90s, a few grenades and some ammunition in exchange for your lives? And who knows if were successful in toppling Ladon and I assume rightful leadership of the Genii - we could end up allies.
- Thats not gonna happen, Kolya.
While were standing here having this little chat no doubt Colonel Sheppard reached the Stargate and contacted Atlantis.
In just a matter of minutes, this village will be swarming with our people.
And I can guarantee you thats not going to happen either.
I dont believe this.
Its like the worst day you could imagine.
Colonel Sheppard? Im going to assume you can hear me.
Im also going to assume if you havent reached the gate by now, you soon will.
So I wanna save you some trouble.
My men have secured the gate.
Theres no way youre getting through.
Come back and face me, colonel or IIl start killing your friends.
Which one of them shall we kill first? Im leaning toward Dr.
McKay, myself.
- Colonel? Kolya, this is Sheppard.
- Im coming back.
- Dont keep me waiting.
McKAY: Thats what this is all about? - Killing Sheppard? - Absolutely, Dr.
McKay.
But dont feel left out.
If I dont get those weapons from Dr.
Weir, I intend to kill you as well.
Im coming with you.
- Are you sure? - No.
Yeah, I am, I am.
Im coming with you, just- - Yes or no? - Dont pressure me like this.
Im gonna come with you- IIl help you out, okay? They better give me a parade for this.
McKAY: Whats going on? Out.
Lets go.
Im just spitballing here.
What if we hugged each other and the device would, you know, help us with- I dont like that idea.
- I know.
Its not possible.
- It doesnt work.
Okay, heres one.
What if I swung from a clock tower on a long rope, right into town? - And? - I dont know, thats all I have.
- I could set myself on fire.
- I like that.
Okay.
I could run naked.
Oh, I know.
I have one.
What if I got on your shoulders? We have a cloak.
Some religious thing, they could be afraid of giants.
Okay, what if we build a tunnel? Okay, we could tunnel, or a boulder.
A huge boulder.
Im camouflaged, Im protected.
Now the boulder protects you.
Or a magnifying glass - and some tape.
- I have an idea, Lucius.
Some poisoned tape.
Lucius.
- I knew youd return to save us.
Ive returned, but you people, youre gonna have to save yourselves.
What? - You do not wish to help us? Oh, no, no, of course I wanna help, its just- Look, what if I wasnt here? What would you do then? Wait for you to come back? All right, theres the problem.
What if I didnt know that you were in trouble or I couldnt get back in time? What would you do? Youre a great group of people, its a lovely town but theres a lot of horrible people out there so youve gotta fend for yourselves.
Starting today.
I understand what hes saying.
You do? By allowing him to assume the responsibility of protecting us were surrendering our independence.
Thats right.
Right? So in exchange for the convenience of having someone safeguard our town were giving up the very part of ourselves we seek to protect.
Listen.
Shes smart.
We need to regain our strength and our independence by taking responsibility for our lives - and the lives of our neighbors.
- Yep.
After today, we will no longer be dependent on one man.
There will be no champion protector, for it will fall to us to protect- Well, okay, hold on.
Wait, wait, wait.
Youre getting carried away.
Independence is a great thing but so is the comfort of having somebody there to pick up the slack, okay? You dont wanna be doing it all the time.
Youve got jobs, or you have hobbies.
Beardo here, he likes to fish, right? You dont wanna be bothered by having to rise up save the village every day, you know what I mean? But thats a thought for another day, okay? Today, youre gonna have to fight for yourselves.
Okay? So remember what you said about strength, and integrity and responsibility.
So you get out there and you fight for your town.
Go to the alleys, spread the word.
Now, go.
Get out, get out.
Okay, yes, rally.
Rallying is good.
Okay.
Get out.
Gather us all together.
Gather the mass.
Colonel Sheppard? Maybe he changed his mind.
Youre out of time, colonel.
Dr.
McKay.
- Me first.
- No, me.
- IIl do it.
- Im- Well, how positively moving.
I almost wish I could shoot you all at once.
Kolya! I shouldve killed you when we first met, colonel.
- It would have saved me a lot of trouble.
- The feelings mutual.
Goodbye, Sheppard.
Well, now that you got that out of your system.
Oh, crap.
Reload.
Dont bother.
You should have left town when you had the chance.
Drop your weapons.
Im sure youre thinking the same thing right about now.
If I gave you the opportunity to surrender, I dont suppose youd take it.
I didnt think so.
Put down your weapons.
Put your hands up.
Sure you cant stay for some schnitzel? This is a party for you as much as anybody.
You guys have a good time.
Were overdue.
Well, thanks for everything.
Just remember, stay out of trouble or weIl be back.
Oh, Colonel Sheppard? - Arent you forgetting something? - Oh, yeah.
I did say Id give that back to you, didnt I? Yes, you did.
Youre a good man.
Youre an honest man.
And you made me a better man myself.
- You know that, dont you? - Good.
Bye, Lucius.
You said that personal shield was depleted.
Oh, yeah.
- Then it is worthless? - Pretty much.
Youre not gonna tell Lucius? - No.
Kick me as hard as you can.
Ow! Ow! Ow! HeIl figure it out.
A warrior who possesses almost superhuman-like powers.
Weve sent teams to this planet before.
Theyre good traders and kind people.
I dont recall there being many superheroes.
Sounds like one of my people.
Well, whoever it is, it would be nice to have someone like that on our side.
If the rumors are true, sounds to me someones imaginations run a little wild.
As I said, my fellow Athosian who spoke to me of this hero saw him in action against several armed men.
I do that all the time.
- Wheres McKay? McKAY: Im here, Im here.
I had to get my autograph book in case Teylas superhero turned out to be the real deal.
Well, at the very least see if you can establish trade relations with the townspeople.
We will.
Dial the gate.
My childhood hero was Evel Knievel.
Was he not evil? No, that was just his name.
He was a daredevil, which isnt a kind of a devil.
He jumped motorcycles over things.
Why? Just because.
Didnt always make it, either.
And you greatly admired this behavior? No, I just Look, at least my hero is human.
McKays is Batman.
McKAY: Misunderstood and unappreciated by many.
His most formidable weapon was the power of his brilliant mind.
Not just a hero, a superhero.
Dougy Angus, the Highland giant.
Not only a hero, but a legend in Scotland.
Namakaeha Towrik, my first unit commander.
He once fought and killed gutting them with his bare hands.
He was also a funny guy too.
Yes, I can imagine the jokes and the entrails flying.
Good day, travelers.
Good day to you.
This is your first visit to our village? Several of my people have said that you are good and fair traders.
We are.
My fellow Athosians also speak of a great hero who protects this town.
Rumor has it hes a warrior with some impressive kills, including the Wraith.
This is true.
Then theres a good chance he is one of my people.
Can you take us to him? Of course.
This way.
Here he is.
The mightiest of heroes, our champion protector.
- Lucius Luvin.
- Well.
Will you look who it is.
Youve got to be kidding me.
As I lay there, the Iratus bugs tendrils just grasping my throat, choking me.
I could feel my very life essence ebb and wane.
With every passing second, I could feel myself drawing closer to death.
Had I been the only one in that building the only one in that burning building, I would have surrendered and allowed sleep to overtake me.
But there were women and children there with me whose very survival lay in my hands, and Im not about to let them down.
So I reached deep down within me, and I summoned whatever strength I had and I grabbed that bug, and I ripped him away and through sheer force of will, I began to choke him, and- Ow, ow! Ow! Ow! - I thought that wasnt gonna hurt.
- I lied.
Ow.
And I sprang up, and I led them all to safety.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
Thanks very much.
How? What? Howd you lead the people to safety? You said the way out was blocked.
Well, you were listening.
Thats good.
Thats good, because it was.
It was blocked, until I cleared a path through the burning wreckage and ignoring the searing heat and the flames that were just swirling and swirling- - But how did you-? - Okay, thats enough reminiscing for today.
Theres plenty more where that story came from.
When we gather tomorrow IIl tell you about how I was almost seduced by a beautiful Ancient.
Sounds entertaining.
Yeah, youd think, but between you and me, not much.
You know, your stories are awfully fascinating and familiar.
All right.
I admit, I took some inspiration from some of the mission reports that I perused while I was on Atlantis but I spiced them.
A little story here, a bit of a story there.
All right, Im done here.
No, youre not gonna find any trace of that special herb in my system.
I learned my lesson the last time, thanks to all of you.
You mean these people are not drugged they simply adore you for who you are? Yeah.
Isnt that great? You dont believe me.
Lucius, I have a lab set up, so I think IIl just run the test anyway.
Youre wasting your time.
In all modesty these people love me, pure and true.
Lucius, you cant say anything modestly.
I saved them.
A couple of months ago, these ruffians come into town, start causing trouble.
I beat them up, I chase them away and all of a sudden Im the town hero.
Theyre giving me gifts the women, theyre throwing themselves at me.
Just like the old days, except better, because now theyre not drugged.
Hang on, hang on.
So you beat them up? Yes, me.
- I did.
- Howd you manage that? Its not so hard when youre invincible.
Im invincible.
Right.
All right.
Looks like this is gonna take some convincing.
Now, let me see.
Perfect.
Hey, time for a demonstration.
What is he-? Let it go.
Trust me.
Drop it.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
Hit me.
- Dont.
- Come on, hit me.
I wouldnt.
Im telling you, dont.
Ah! Ah! See? Invincible.
I cant be vinced.
As it turns out, I had this personal shield all along.
It was a gift from one of my admirers back at the old village before I was forced to pack up and leave, thank you.
I didnt even know what it was until I went to Atlantis perused some of the reports about the Ancient devices that you discovered.
You did an awful lot of perusing while you were on the base.
I peruse.
Its a gift.
Hey, sweetheart.
- Say you come by my place tonight? - No, thanks.
Wait, wait, wait.
Im the town hero.
That was ages ago.
Let me tell you something.
Youre only as good as your last rescue.
How is it that youre able to operate Ancient technology without the ATA gene? Oh, that was easy.
All I did was find a guy with the gene have him initiate the device.
It took a long time, but once it was done, I could activate this thing anytime.
Fascinating.
You do know those things run out of juice eventually? Come on.
These Ancient things last forever.
Lunch is on me.
Im gonna go take a walk.
If I dont see you before you leave, well, then IIl just talk to you later.
Were not going until we get those results.
Whatever you want.
People to save.
Well, what do you think? Perhaps hes learned a lesson.
- Hes Lucius.
Are you kidding me? Well, hes made a lot of mistakes in the past, but, well, who hasnt? Why are you looking at me? Hes trying to do something good in order to get people to like him this time.
Well, Ive completed my tests.
Looks like Lucius is telling the truth.
No traces of the drug in his system.
Hes clean.
- Thats our cue to leave.
McKAY: Wait, wait, wait.
Im the only one that thinks hes taking advantage of people.
You want another crack at that shield.
Youre damn right I do.
Look, it could come in extremely handy.
Hes practically wasting it.
Wheres Lucius? He went out for a stroll.
He should be returning shortly.
Well, whenever he gets back, tell him we said goodbye.
All right.
I think were making a mistake.
WeIl have the Athosians keep an eye out on everyone.
If anything gets out of control, weIl come back.
Drop your weapons or die where you stand.
I said drop your weapons.
Were not looking for a fight.
Were just passing through town.
Ive got two on my right, and one straight dead ahead.
Two at 12 oclock, one behind the fruit stand.
If we act now we risk injuring innocent villagers.
And us.
We risk injuring us.
I can take mine before they get a shot.
There may be others hidden where we cannot see.
Its your call.
Heres the thing.
If we all start shooting at each other somebodys bound to get hurt.
I can pretty much guarantee youIl be one of them.
Are you this hero weve heard rumors of? No.
Come here.
Come.
Come on.
Then lower your weapons.
Okay.
Sheppard? - Trust me on this one.
So where is this hero? One whod surely stop us from emptying the towns coffers helping ourselves to its women and burning it to the ground once were done.
So tell me, where is he? Where is this brave hero who would keep us from destroying everything? Hes right here.
For I am the man you seek.
Kill him.
Get out.
Dont come back.
For so long as I protect these people this town shall be safe.
Lucius! Lucius! Lucius, Lucius, Lucius! So I finish off the last Wraith guard I turn around, I look at the queen, and I say: « You know, if you were 20 pounds heavier, youd look like my ex-wife.
» I said that because she was just so fat.
Hey, Colonel Sheppard.
Hey, come in.
Sit down, sit down.
Make way.
- Let him have a seat.
- No, no, we have to go.
Youre sure? Theyre making a schnitzel in my honor tonight.
No, we gotta get back.
I guess the only thing left to do is for you to thank me.
What for? For saving your lives.
- Thank you.
- Please.
- It was nothing.
- Yeah, it was nothing.
What are you talking about, « It was nothing« ou »? These people had you on your knees.
- Yes, they did.
Well youre welcome.
Be careful on the way back to the gate because theres talk of some angry raiders in the area.
No, no, no, lets go.
You know what? Im gonna go out for a walk, take a look around make sure those ruffians are gone for good, all right? Dont you worry, IIl be back.
Nice job, everybody.
- Very convincing.
A little too convincing.
You took out three of Lankos teeth, broke Fortnums wrist.
Hey, I had to make it look good.
Heres a little something that may make it worthwhile.
This isnt the amount we agreed on.
Yeah, well, to tell you the truth you guys didnt really seem to have your hearts in it.
We made a deal.
Well, maybe next time youIl make more of an effort.
How dare you speak down to us? We were elite soldiers in the Genii army.
Cowans personal guard.
Yeah, you were.
Now youre mercenaries.
Come on, as far as jobs-for-hire go, this wasnt so bad.
You come in, you scare a few people, you take a few punches, then you leave.
You get paid, nobody gets hurt.
Well, except for Lanko and of course, Fortnum, with his gimpy wrist.
Sorry about that.
We may have been forced from our homes when Ladon Radim took power were still Genii.
One of these days weIl march into the capital and retake what was ours.
Yeah, well, good luck with that.
Kick it.
Kick it.
Oh, please, come on.
There you go.
Yeah.
Anybody else? Anybody else wanna take a crack at me, huh? Hey.
Hey, what are you doing back here? I thought you left town.
We were leaving when we ran into this gentleman who has a very interesting story to tell.
Speaking of stories, did I ever tell the story about the time I was on this planet made entirely of lava- Theres no point in pretending, Lucius.
You lied to these people.
This mans not a hero.
He paid those men to show up, then made it look like he came to your rescue.
Its true.
It was all a setup to make him look like he saved the town.
Deceiver.
You do have every right to be upset with him.
Not him.
You.
Me? Unable to accept the shame of surrendering to those raiders he chooses to besmirch our Lucius.
The whole thing was an act.
The guns werent even loaded.
If it were not for Lucius you would all be dead.
Yeah.
- No, he tricked you.
- You dont know him like we do.
- Were the good guys.
- Oh, please.
Get out of here.
Go.
Leave.
Youre not welcome here.
Go away.
Go back to where you came from.
Listen, I want to apologize for the whole angry mob thing.
I suppose we should be grateful.
McKAY: Yes, well, he did stop them from swarming us.
Just consider it my way of saying all is forgiven.
- All right, Im putting a stop to this.
- Oh, come on, they just got started.
Im not talking about the foot massage.
Actually, I am talking about the foot massage.
All right, all right.
Girls, come back later, all right? This little scam of yours- Scam? What scam? You are taking advantage of these people.
It looks that way, but I was being honest about those thugs that attacked this village a couple months ago.
This is a nice town, nice people.
They needed somebody to save them, so I did.
I was a hero.
- Todays incident- - Performance.
It was just my way of reminding them of that fact.
I insisted the guns not be loaded so nobody would get hurt.
- That was nice of you.
Yeah.
- You had to go and figure it out.
- Go out there now and come clean with these people.
- Or else.
- Or else what? Ah-ah-ah.
No, you cant threaten me on account of my shield.
They wont believe you.
Youre trying to figure out a way to hurt me, arent you? Yep.
Yeah, well, you keep thinking, big boy, because- Its not me this time, I swear.
Kolya.
The soldiers are Genii, and theyre part- I know all about Kolya and the Genii.
When I was on Atlantis, I perused- Mission reports.
Right, right.
- This is very bad.
- No, no, this is great.
ThisIl be an opportunity for me to solidify my place in the community.
- TheyIl give me a parade after this one.
Hey, hang on.
Youre not taking on Kolya and his men.
Why? They cant hurt me.
Ive got the shield.
And if they burn the town down around you out of spite? Well, thatd be petty of them.
Yeah, well, theyre like that.
Obviously somebody tipped them off that were here.
- So go ahead, shoot them.
- Good idea.
Colonel, you cant.
- Just Kolya.
- The shooting will not stop them.
- Shes right.
WeIl have to kill them all.
- Im all right with that, by the way.
- Good, lets do it.
- John.
- What? - You cant.
- Oh, Im pretty sure I can.
In fact- If we open fire with them, many of these townspeople will be killed.
They do not deserve to die because of us.
If they search the town and cannot find us, then they will simply move on.
Nobody gets hurt.
Thats my vote, and my heartfelt recommendation.
You want to hide.
We could call it strategic concealment.
- I got just the place.
Well, Im sure you do.
Here.
See, I like to entertain and on occasion a husband will get angry, come looking for his wife - so to avoid an awkward scenario- - Okay, we get it.
IIl let you know when the bad guys clear out.
Dont screw around, Lucius, all right? Tell them weve moved on.
Once they get out of town or out in the open weIl deal with it ourselves.
Its no time to be a hero, you understand? - Perfectly.
- Im serious.
I can see that.
No heroics.
All right, thats enough.
Take your men and get out.
This town is under my protection.
Is it? It is.
So you got two choices: You can either leave, or IIl make you leave.
Interesting.
- Is that the best you can do? - As a matter of fact no, it isnt.
I admit, I got a shield, but I gotta breathe.
I shouldve thought of that.
Not so invincible now, are we, hero? - You led them here? - Theyve been looking for Sheppard.
- We had a deal.
I saw an opportunity, I took it.
No different than what you did.
But I didnt hurt anybody.
All right, that guy, Lanko, and the one with the gimpy wrist.
Look, I dont wanna hurt you or anyone in this town.
All I want is Sheppard and his team.
But I told you, you missed them.
Maybe if you hurry, you can get them before they get to the gate.
My men are already guarding the gate.
IIl ask you once more.
Where are they? I dont know.
I dont.
Well, then weIl have to do a thorough job of searching the area which could take hours.
How long can you hold your breath? Well, that didnt take too long.
All right, lets get out of this town and set up a decent ambush without all these people around.
They werent there.
Really? Thats weird.
I wonder where they couldve gone.
That personal shield of yours is very interesting.
Yeah.
If we were to bury you alive, it would protect you from the weight of the soil but you would still suffocate.
A fascinating way to die, dont you think? I gotta tell you, its not that fascinating to me.
It is to me.
Wait, wait, you cant kill me.
Look, Im the perfect bait.
If Sheppard finds out that Im in trouble hes gonna come rescue me.
Were really close.
You and Sheppard? - Yeah.
- I dont think so.
Then Weir, or Rodney, or Carson.
Were like the best of friends.
- And how is it you know them so well? - I spent some time in Atlantis.
Its the nicest place Ive ever been.
Best time I ever had.
I remember it like I was there this morning.
Tell me more.
So I finish off the last Wraith guard, and I turn to the queen, and I say: « If you were 20 pounds heavier youd look like my ex-wife.
» Of course, my ex-wife was a knockout, but wheres the funny in that? That personal shield is amazing.
You mind if I try it? - Yeah, go ahead.
- IIl give it back.
Got you.
What, you think Id let you have this? - Youd kill me right on the spot.
- Yeah, slit your throat from ear to ear.
Good times.
Good times.
I love hearing about your former wives, but Id rather hear more about Atlantis.
- I told you everything already.
- In that case its getting late, and I could use some rest before the funeral.
Funeral? Oh, no.
Oh, no, dont bury me alive.
Please.
I dont deserve that.
Nobody deserves that.
I deserve banishment.
Thats what I- Lucius.
- What are you doing here? Kolyas got all the exits out of town covered and rumor has it they were gonna bury you alive.
- I cant believe it.
You came to save me? - Yeah, neither can I.
- Lets go.
- I cant, Im tied to the chair.
Oh, no.
Good luck with that shield.
Wait, wait.
Come on, untie me.
McKAY: Ow.
We have them.
What, are you crazy? You couldve killed me.
That shield of yours impresses me more and more.
You did your part, Lucius.
You get to live another day.
Sheppard? He got away.
Thats unfortunate.
Thanks for sparing me, sir.
Dont disappoint me again.
Secure the prisoners.
Perhaps theyIl be more effective bait.
Get this fixed.
- Do you think he got away? - If theyd captured the colonel - wouldnt he be here with us? - HeIl be back in a Jumper in no time.
Your friend escaped the village.
They are still looking for him.
If they havent found him, chances are he managed to slip the perimeter.
Yes, he and Lucius are no doubt plotting our rescue.
Lucius? He would not abandon us.
Sure.
Like he wouldnt sell us out while we try to rescue him.
He would never do that.
Okay, you know what? Just stop it, all right? Lucius is not a superhero.
Batman, thats a superhero.
I dont understand.
Your people cannot place their future in Luciushands.
The time has come for you to save yourselves.
We have no hope of defeating these soldiers.
You will with our help.
Then why did you not do so before? We were concerned for the safety of the village.
- Now we dont care.
- Okay, just pretend he didnt say that, and then just let us out of here.
No, its too dangerous.
Best to wait for Lucius to return, then heIl save us all.
No, wait.
Lucius isnt a hero.
Dont, dont.
I swear I didnt know about the bomb.
- I dont know what they were doing.
- Howd you get out? Everybodys looking for you.
I walked unnoticed.
Isnt that something? - What are we gonna do? - What are we gonna do? IIl tell you what Im gonna do.
IIl get by Kolyas men, get to the gate and call for reinforcements.
Reinforcements? - What do you say we get off this planet? - My team is back there.
So is a guy who wants to bury me alive.
Youre done playing hero now, are you? You can leave as soon as we get to the gate.
Keep up.
- Youre angry.
See, thats anger.
- Shut up.
Youre not trying to dig your way out of here? Find another spoon.
This will go twice as fast.
Someones coming.
I have to give Colonel Sheppard credit.
No ones caused me this much trouble.
Unfortunately, Im going to have to kill him.
- Funny, he says the same about you.
- Really? Im flattered.
You cant kill him if you cant catch him.
I will, eventually.
McKAY: And what about us? How do we fit into your evil plans for galactic domination? YouIl be allowed to stay alive for the time being unless you were stupid enough to eat the meal you were served.
Im just kidding.
- Oh, thank God.
- In fact I intend to send you back, in exchange for a few things.
There is no way Dr.
Weir will cut a deal with you even if our lives are in danger.
You know that.
In the past, I may have been a little too ambitious with my demands.
This time, however, I have no intention of backing Dr.
Weir into a corner.
After all, whats a small number of your P90s, a few grenades and some ammunition in exchange for your lives? And who knows if were successful in toppling Ladon and I assume rightful leadership of the Genii - we could end up allies.
- Thats not gonna happen, Kolya.
While were standing here having this little chat no doubt Colonel Sheppard reached the Stargate and contacted Atlantis.
In just a matter of minutes, this village will be swarming with our people.
And I can guarantee you thats not going to happen either.
I dont believe this.
Its like the worst day you could imagine.
Colonel Sheppard? Im going to assume you can hear me.
Im also going to assume if you havent reached the gate by now, you soon will.
So I wanna save you some trouble.
My men have secured the gate.
Theres no way youre getting through.
Come back and face me, colonel or IIl start killing your friends.
Which one of them shall we kill first? Im leaning toward Dr.
McKay, myself.
- Colonel? Kolya, this is Sheppard.
- Im coming back.
- Dont keep me waiting.
McKAY: Thats what this is all about? - Killing Sheppard? - Absolutely, Dr.
McKay.
But dont feel left out.
If I dont get those weapons from Dr.
Weir, I intend to kill you as well.
Im coming with you.
- Are you sure? - No.
Yeah, I am, I am.
Im coming with you, just- - Yes or no? - Dont pressure me like this.
Im gonna come with you- IIl help you out, okay? They better give me a parade for this.
McKAY: Whats going on? Out.
Lets go.
Im just spitballing here.
What if we hugged each other and the device would, you know, help us with- I dont like that idea.
- I know.
Its not possible.
- It doesnt work.
Okay, heres one.
What if I swung from a clock tower on a long rope, right into town? - And? - I dont know, thats all I have.
- I could set myself on fire.
- I like that.
Okay.
I could run naked.
Oh, I know.
I have one.
What if I got on your shoulders? We have a cloak.
Some religious thing, they could be afraid of giants.
Okay, what if we build a tunnel? Okay, we could tunnel, or a boulder.
A huge boulder.
Im camouflaged, Im protected.
Now the boulder protects you.
Or a magnifying glass - and some tape.
- I have an idea, Lucius.
Some poisoned tape.
Lucius.
- I knew youd return to save us.
Ive returned, but you people, youre gonna have to save yourselves.
What? - You do not wish to help us? Oh, no, no, of course I wanna help, its just- Look, what if I wasnt here? What would you do then? Wait for you to come back? All right, theres the problem.
What if I didnt know that you were in trouble or I couldnt get back in time? What would you do? Youre a great group of people, its a lovely town but theres a lot of horrible people out there so youve gotta fend for yourselves.
Starting today.
I understand what hes saying.
You do? By allowing him to assume the responsibility of protecting us were surrendering our independence.
Thats right.
Right? So in exchange for the convenience of having someone safeguard our town were giving up the very part of ourselves we seek to protect.
Listen.
Shes smart.
We need to regain our strength and our independence by taking responsibility for our lives - and the lives of our neighbors.
- Yep.
After today, we will no longer be dependent on one man.
There will be no champion protector, for it will fall to us to protect- Well, okay, hold on.
Wait, wait, wait.
Youre getting carried away.
Independence is a great thing but so is the comfort of having somebody there to pick up the slack, okay? You dont wanna be doing it all the time.
Youve got jobs, or you have hobbies.
Beardo here, he likes to fish, right? You dont wanna be bothered by having to rise up save the village every day, you know what I mean? But thats a thought for another day, okay? Today, youre gonna have to fight for yourselves.
Okay? So remember what you said about strength, and integrity and responsibility.
So you get out there and you fight for your town.
Go to the alleys, spread the word.
Now, go.
Get out, get out.
Okay, yes, rally.
Rallying is good.
Okay.
Get out.
Gather us all together.
Gather the mass.
Colonel Sheppard? Maybe he changed his mind.
Youre out of time, colonel.
Dr.
McKay.
- Me first.
- No, me.
- IIl do it.
- Im- Well, how positively moving.
I almost wish I could shoot you all at once.
Kolya! I shouldve killed you when we first met, colonel.
- It would have saved me a lot of trouble.
- The feelings mutual.
Goodbye, Sheppard.
Well, now that you got that out of your system.
Oh, crap.
Reload.
Dont bother.
You should have left town when you had the chance.
Drop your weapons.
Im sure youre thinking the same thing right about now.
If I gave you the opportunity to surrender, I dont suppose youd take it.
I didnt think so.
Put down your weapons.
Put your hands up.
Sure you cant stay for some schnitzel? This is a party for you as much as anybody.
You guys have a good time.
Were overdue.
Well, thanks for everything.
Just remember, stay out of trouble or weIl be back.
Oh, Colonel Sheppard? - Arent you forgetting something? - Oh, yeah.
I did say Id give that back to you, didnt I? Yes, you did.
Youre a good man.
Youre an honest man.
And you made me a better man myself.
- You know that, dont you? - Good.
Bye, Lucius.
You said that personal shield was depleted.
Oh, yeah.
- Then it is worthless? - Pretty much.
Youre not gonna tell Lucius? - No.
Kick me as hard as you can.
Ow! Ow! Ow! HeIl figure it out.