The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s03e13 Episode Script

Yo, what up, guys? - Hey, Will.
- Master William.
Aunt Viv, I got the cake you wanted for the family reunion.
- Good.
- And guess what's in here? It's round, it's rubber and you'll never use it.
Carlton, can we please keep your hand puppet out of this? Look, it's a California's driver's license.
I think you're confused, Will.
You need a license to drive a car, not steal one.
I'm sorry, Carlton, I didn't understand you, I don't speak pygmy.
Diva! Will, what do you think you're doing? I'm practicing for when my mom and all my aunts get here.
I am so excited, Uncle Phil.
Aren't you excited? No.
I hate family reunions.
- I always do all the work.
- Philip, that is not true.
Philip, this is not the kind of juice Vy drinks and Helen does not like this kind of bread.
I guess I will have to take it back to the store.
- No, no, no, let me do that.
- Great.
Would you pick me up a gallon of Rocky Road and some sardines.
And don't eat it all on the way home like you did last time.
- Look who we found.
- Diva! Helen, oh, God! Let me look at you.
Let me look at it, let me look at it.
- Oh, my God, Frank, how are you? - I'm fine, how you doing? Let me look at Frank, Jr.
My goodness, where did you get those beautiful green eyes? I'm guessing, the guy with no rhythm.
You mean Carlton? Diva! Whoa, whoa, think you could all come together next time? - This is exhausting.
- Let me look at you all.
- Vivian, girl, you are glowing.
- Thank you.
That's 'cause she be spending a lot of time in front of the microwave.
Philip, that reminds me.
Would you pick me up some microwave popcorn, please? You know, next time I'm going to get pregnant.
Well, you certainly have the pants for it.
Uncle Phil, if I would have said that I would have gotten smacked in my head.
Look at Little Frank.
Now that's the first time a man has smiled at me since my divorce.
Aunt Helen, I just want to say how sorry I am things didn't work out between you and Uncle Lester.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Do you think he'll still be sending me a gift for graduation? How has he been acting since the divorce? Awful.
I hate that man.
But I don't like to badmouth him without the kid around.
You know, it's like doing the work twice.
Where's Vy? Now, she said she has some really big news.
You know, she told me the same thing.
Isn't it obvious? Really big news? She must be bringing me Grandma's diamond earrings.
I don't think so.
Do you like them? Aunt Janice, I never got to know Grandma.
I'd really like to have something of hers.
Listen, honey, I have a beautiful silk handkerchief of Grandma's.
Yeah, like I really want some old lady's snot rag.
Well, she said it was something about Robert.
Now, ladies, this could be an engagement announcement.
- You know it could - Come on! No! Maybe the big news is something else.
Maybe she got cable.
Divas! - Big Diva.
- Yeah.
Mom, it's a terrible idea marrying this Robert dude, it's a big mistake.
Baby, I'm not marrying Robert, we broke up.
- Vy, now come - That's the big news.
- My goodness.
- Yes.
All right.
- Honey, what happened, tell us.
- Yeah.
He just wanted more out of the relationship and I wasn't sure I could spend the rest of my life with him.
Amen.
- And, Will's never been too fond of him.
- No, Will was not.
So, in the long run it seemed like the best thing.
Well Hey, you know, Vy, I have a brother who's single.
Although, he's not a brother.
I mean he is a brother because he's my brother, but he's just not your kind of brother.
Oh, brother.
Help me, Will.
No, I think I'm going to stick with the black folks on this one.
- I love you so much, Mom.
- I love you, too, sweetie.
You know, it's great having you out here.
Especially without that Robert dude.
Getting all in our hair.
Trying like a damn fool to win me over.
You're not kidding, baby.
You know, for your graduation, he actually wanted to buy you a car.
- A car? - Yeah.
I'm glad you dumped him anyway, Ma.
What kind of car he want to get me, Mom? Okay, set everything on the island.
We'll use it tomorrow to serve.
Let me take that, Vivian, wouldn't want you to overexert yourself.
Philip, are you upset with me? Vivian, for the past 48 hours, all I've heard is: "Philip, wash this.
Philip, dust that.
"Philip, push me up the steps, I'm pregnant.
" As long as you're not upset with me.
Sir, when she's not looking, break one of her crystal figurines.
It'll work wonders for your attitude.
Yes! - Hello, everybody.
- Hi, girl.
- You guys missed a great afternoon.
- So did you.
- We were down at the news station.
- We got to polish the silver.
Let me tell you, Hilary's the best weather girl I've ever seen.
Oh, yes.
She's beautiful.
She's poised.
She's articulate.
God, I'm really enjoying all of this, but please stop.
Okay.
Frank, honey, I think it's time to change Frank, Jr.
Okay, babe.
You know what, you look a little tired.
Why don't you come and lay down - and I'll rub your feet for a little while.
- Thanks, baby.
That does it, I'm getting me a white man.
Girl, stop it.
No, just to help around the house a little bit.
Now, come on, you know you all were thinking it.
I'm never driving in a car with Uncle Lou and Aunt Eleanor again.
- Honey, what happened? - They were blasting the radio sticking their heads through the sunroof, and yelling at other cars.
When they weren't doing that, they were making out.
I mean, when are those two going to grow up? Honey, stop it.
Aunt Eleanor.
- Hey, get your own girl.
- Aunt Eleanor.
- Hi, Uncle Lou.
- Hi.
Look at you two.
- Gosh, you look like a couple of kids.
- You look like a couple of kids yourself.
You all got to remember, she carrying Uncle Phil's child.
Lou, I want to go up and freshen up.
Me, too.
See you all tomorrow.
Now, what does Aunt Eleanor have that I don't? A horny husband.
This is just so great, my whole family under one roof.
You know, I just wish that we could all be together all the time.
Baby, at least you and I are going to be together in a few months.
Get the y ou moving to L.
A? No, silly, I'm talking about when you graduate high school and move back home.
It'll be just like old times, baby, just you and me.
We can do everything together.
I can hardly wait.
I've looked forward to this for so long.
And /'ve got so many things p/anned.
Hi, baby.
I came to tuck you in.
- Here you go.
- Thanks a lot, Mom.
Can we talk about me moving back home? You're excited, too, huh? - Look, now that you mention it, Mom - Baby, I got your room fixed up so nice.
And keep your fingers crossed because I got a friend at U of P who thinks she might be able to pull some strings with your application.
Heck, with me working around the corner, we could have lunch together every day.
Every day.
I'll tell you, baby, these past few days with you have been so great - I haven't thought about Robert once.
- Really? 'Cause, yo, I've been thinking about him all the time.
You just get some rest, and we'll talk some more tomorrow.
I'll get it! Hey, Al! - How you doing, Mr.
Smith? - Hey, call me Will, man.
What you say, you take me down to one of them dance clubs you all be going to.
- Excuse me? - Never mind, boy, I thought you was hip.
Get on out of my house.
Hey, girl.
How you doing with your fine self? Why don't you slide on up here and let Big Daddy talk to you a little bit! - You like that? - Who's that out there, baby? - It ain't nobody, Mama.
- Get your big old butt back in here then.
- Look here, Mom.
- What's that? A letter from Carlton.
- And the boy sent a picture.
- Look at that, he look great.
And he's so tall.
Lord, who'd of thought he'd shoot up 12 inches in his freshman year.
"Dear Will, and Aunt Vy "enjoying a relaxing vacation with Miriah and the kids.
"It's great to be rich, hah, hah.
"Love, Carlton.
"P.
S.
It's really, really great to be rich.
"Hah, hah.
" Isn't it nice to hear from Carlton? Baby, why ain't you got on that leisure suit I laid out for you? Because I'm a 72-year-old man still living with his mother.
And I'm tired of it, Mom.
I mean, I want to get married.
And I want to have some kids.
And I don't want nobody telling me what to wear.
I'm sorry.
You the man, you the man.
- About time I start treating you like one.
- You've got that right.
Can I have $10 to go to the movies? Sure, baby.
Here you go.
Another dollar for some Gummy Bears.
You taking anybody special? Harriet Jenkins.
You're spending my social security on Harriet Jenkins.
Look, Mama, I'm going to tell you, if you mess this date up for me - I'm moving out of here.
- Okay.
- I Swear.
- Okay.
You know, I was looking in the paper the other day and I saw Robert's picture.
Oh, Lord, here come Robert again.
You remember him, don't you, the man that proposed to me? I remember.
- His wife dead yet? - No.
Damn, got to use more dynamite next time.
Lord know, he a rich man.
Handsome, too.
Even hear he giving money to the church.
But I tell you one thing, baby I sure am glad that you talked me out of marrying him.
Okay, Ma, you win.
I'll cancel my date with Harriet.
Baby, you ain't got to do that.
You just put on that leisure suit.
I'll call Harriet.
I'm still half asleep, so don't nobody talk to me.
- Did the baby wake you up? - Eleanor and Lou woke me up.
I swear that man's part jackhammer.
Lord, they didn't even eat this much at the Last Supper.
Well, I guess you old enough to remember.
Yeah, but I'm still young enough to kick your butt.
- What are you all doing up? - Eating and talking about sex.
Personally, I prefer eating.
You don't have to wait an hour for seconds.
All right! Well, Vy, tell me, what's the real deal between you and Robert? - I wasn't in love with him.
- Girl, are you crazy? That man had a business, a car and money.
Now, what's love got to do with it? Can we just for once have a conversation without my name being mentioned? Sure, Vy.
Why is a certain person ruining Will's life by moving him back to Philly? Why doesn't a certain person stick a drumstick in her mouth and call it a day? Wait a minute, now, Vy.
We all family here and we all care about Will.
Listen, do I tell you how to raise your son? No, but I wish you would.
Vy, I really think Will had his heart set on going to school in California.
So this is how it is? Once again my family has taken it upon themselves to decide that Vy don't know how to take care of her own.
No, you're wrong.
You're wrong.
And I'll thank all of you to keep your noses out of my personal affairs.
Okay, everybody, who's going to bless this table? Come on, you all.
I think it ought to be the oldest, Vy.
I am not the oldest, Uncle Lou is.
He's young to me.
- Lou! - Yes, yes, okay, okay.
All right.
Dear Lord, we thank you for bringing our family together.
Keep us safe and healthy so that we can come together again.
And, we thank Philip and Vivian for their hospitality - and their Jacuzzi.
- Amen.
Enjoying the reunion, Master William? I don't know what to do, G.
I mean I don't want to move back to Philly, but I don't want to let my mom down.
But then on the other hand, it's like I'm so terribly sorry, Master William, there's been a misunderstanding.
Apparently, I gave you the impression that I really wanted to know.
Where did Uncle Lou and Aunt Eleanor disappear to? Oh, my God, are they at it again? Those two are animals.
I was in the bathroom.
Get your minds out the gutter.
What? Now, Will, about your moving back to Philly.
Yeah, I know, the sheets and bed linens stay here.
No, well, yeah.
No, what I was going to say was I hope that money wasn't a part of your decision because I'd be more than happy to help you with your tuition.
Thanks a lot, Uncle Phil but I need to be in Philly, you know, with my mom.
Whatever you decide, I just want you to know that I'm behind you 100o/o.
Thanks and it means a lot to me, Uncle Phil.
Good.
Okay, son.
Okay, Vivian, I told him everything you wanted me to now give me my piece of pie.
- Baby.
- Hey, what's up, Mom? - I have a little surprise for you.
- Yeah? Yes, I got a great deal on a cruise and I am sending you to the Caribbean for your graduation.
- For real? - Yes.
I always wanted to go to the Caribbean.
It'll be so great, baby.
We could go snorkeling and play shuffleboard.
We? You going, too? Well, sure, and it's not locked in yet but I think the entertainment is going to be the new Fifth Dimension.
I love them, take me.
Take me.
- Shut up, Carlton.
- Oh, yeah? Well, you smell like broccoli.
- What's the matter? - Ma, this is great.
We need to talk and Look, it can't wait.
We got to talk about this right now.
Well, I hate to say I told you so.
I know what you all are thinking.
But you're wrong.
Now, Will is looking forward to moving back to Philly.
Aren't you, baby? Look what the wind did to my hat.
Ma, can you help me go find it, please? - Will, what's going on? - Look, Mom, it's We were just - Somebody should fix this light here.
- Yeah, there's some things broken.
The light, yeah.
Walk with me, talk with me, Mom.
- All right, look, check it out.
- Spit it out.
- All right, see, I was - Baby, whatever it is, I will understand.
I know, you'll understand and I'll be on my way to the emergency room.
Will, just say it.
- Mom, I don't want to move back home.
- How can you say that? Baby, when I sent you out here, it was only on a temporary basis.
I always expected you to come back home.
So did I, Mom.
And, I know I was tripping when I first came out here 'cause you were right, I needed to be out here.
And I still need to be out here.
You know, it's given me a head start so I can break out on my own.
What about college? You know I can't afford to send you to an out-of-state school.
I know, Ma, but, look, I was hoping I could get a scholarship or a loan, and Uncle Phil said he'd help me.
And, if that doesn't work, I'll get a job I'll get two jobs, but please, don't make me move back home, Mommy.
Obviously, you've given this a lot of thought, huh? But I'll be honest with you, I still want you to come home.
- I miss you.
- I miss you, too, Mom.
Look, but I'll visit.
Every Christmas.
And every Easter.
And whatever else of them holidays it'd take to get that evil look out your face.
Well, it sounds like you made up your mind.
So I guess I have to respect your decision.
You do? I mean, you do! - I love you, Mom.
- I love you, too, baby.
As much as I hate to admit it, your aunts were right and I was wrong.
But don't you dare tell them, you hear me? - Someone should fix this light here.
- Yeah.
Someone should fix this light.
Your secret's safe with me.
Sir, when she's not looking, break one of her crystal fusiliers.
Do you know what a fusilier is? A fusilier, a crystal fusilier.
They must got them in London.