The Suite Life on Deck (2008) s03e13 Episode Script

Here you go, Cody.
I hope that didn't make you feel uncomfortable.
Collecting towels is my job.
I've learned how to handle the pressure.
No, silly.
I was talking about how that cute guy in the hot tub.
Was shamelessly flirting with me right in front of you.
You mean the guy in the yellow and green checkered swim trunks.
With the fake tan and the gap in his teeth? Never noticed him.
That's a relief.
He had a gap in his teeth? Cody, I need you to do me a really really big favor.
What? Help you hold that pterodactyl leg? No, it's about my sister Willa.
She's coming to visit me for the week.
But I've got a big paper due, so it would be great.
If you could help me keep her company.
- What's she like? - Just like me.
Great personality, funny and quite the looker.
Uh-huh.
And why do I have to do it? Well, I know you did your paper before the semester even started.
annoying! .
And you have no social life It just so happens that my social calendar.
For the week is completely filled.
- With what, going to the lab to visit your bacteria? - Maybe.
They get lonely.
Please please please please please please please please please please.
Okay okay.
- I'll do it.
- Thank you.
Uh, yeah, no thanks.
That's some bacteria I'd rather not visit.
oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows - we say - Hey-ho, let's go! - oh ay oh - This boat's rocking - ♪ oh ay oh ♪ - ♪ Ain't no stopping us now ♪ ♪ 'cause we're living the suite life ♪ - oh ay oh - This boat's rocking - oh ay oh - Rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! Zack? What are you doing here? Miss tutweiller gave me clean-up detention for gluing Cody to his desk.
Miss tutweiller gave me clean-up detention for being late to class.
And for being late to the meeting to discuss what to do about me always being late.
By the way you're late.
I never learn, do I? You know, I miss the good old days.
Where people couldn't tell me and Cody apart.
And I could force him to do the stuff that I hate.
Oooh, I have lots of stuff to do I hate! Like anything that doesn't involve a credit card.
I need to get me a twin! But then puberty hit, and my hot genes went into overdrive, While he got blind-sided by his geek chromosomes.
Hey hey! If miss tutweiller finds out you skipped out, I'm not helping you clean up her cats' Kitty litter! I still have a hairball from last time! Hey, bro, I brought you a little something.
For your tour of duty with Woody's sister.
Ahem.
One bag is to put over Willa's head so she doesn't scare the children.
The other bag is to put over your head just in case her bag falls off.
I can't believe I let myself get roped into this.
Come on, Willa.
Don't be shy.
I can only imagine what kind of hideous troll is about to walk through that door.
Oh, I'm going to take a picture of it and put it on the Internet.
Hi, I'm Willa.
Hi, I'm Zack! You are gorgeous! And you are in a relationship.
Whereas I, Cody, am as free as air.
Speaking of which, you want to go grab some? - Sure.
- You can just recycle those bags.
Have fun! I think they're gonna have fun.
Ow! - What was that for? - Having a pretty sister.
Ow! - What was that for? - Not telling me about her.
Ow-www! What was that for? Nothing.
I just like hitting you.
Okay, finalists, I have used all my tipton resources.
To scour the globe in search of my perfect double.
Dim the lights.
Number four.
You wowed me with your rendition of "paparazzi," But stumbled miserably with your fashion sense.
Boo you.
Number three.
Your impression of my trademark "yay me!" was spot on But unfortunately You've got more wrinkles than an elephant's tushy.
Okay, ladies, whoever answers correctly.
Wins.
What color is the new black? Oh.
Yes? Sparkles! That is correct.
Tess wong, you are the new London tipton! Yay you! Dude, why are you all dressed up? - I've got a date.
- A date? You're supposed to be hanging out with my sister.
I am hanging out with your sister.
You're bringing my sister on your date? That's creepy weird.
No, your sister is my date.
Whoa whoa whoa.
Whoa! That is so not cool, man.
Why not? We're having a great time together.
She's smart and funny and charming.
Are you sure you're related? Yes.
And how would you like it if I dated your sister? Well, all I got is Zack and he's all yours.
Okay, I'm just going to have to say it: Cody Martin, I officially forbid you to date my sister! Well, I officially don't care.
Dang it.
- What's the matter, Woody? - We got trouble.
Cody just told me he's dating my sister.
Oh, I get it.
He told you that because he knew you would tell me.
Because he was upset that the guy in the hot tub was flirting with me.
Even though he said it didn't bother him.
Men! Or He's really into my sister.
I'm telling you he's really into me.
I mean, every time I walk by him, his eyes pop right out of his head.
I thought that was one of his allergies.
Okay, a little less eyeshadow.
Let's get rid of that Ow! Nose hair.
Perfect.
Wow, a girl could get used to this.
Now if you could just get rid of that hideous accent.
What are you "tawkin'" about? Repeat after me: The service here stinks and I asked for that in pink.
The "soivice" here stinks and I asked for that in pink.
Speaking of stinks Huh.
Hey, watch it, chica.
Try again.
The service here stinks and I asked for that in pink.
Better! You sound so much more smarticler.
You're a regular "my fair ladle.
" Okay, now here's a list of things I don't want to do.
Here's a list of people I bother to speak to, - And here's a list of words I don't know.
- This is a dictionary.
Call it what you want.
- Hi, London.
- Hey there.
I mean, hey Zack? Hey, you're on time.
And you are cute.
Ter than I remember.
Hee hee hee.
I guess the weekly showers are really starting to pay off.
What are you doing? I thought we were supposed to be cleaning.
We are, but just for kicks I'm loosening the bolts on Cody's chair.
He thought the glue was bad.
Oh oh! My trusty spies tell me that we won't have to worry.
About tutweiller stopping by.
Because she's chasing the new crewman around the boiler room.
- Tutweiller? - Yeah.
Tutweiller, tutweiller - Anyway we can go.
- Uh, but, um, What am I supposed to do for the next 45 minutes? Do what you usually do go shopping.
- But I didn't bring any money.
- You don't need it.
You just sign for stuff.
You're London tipton.
I am, aren't I? Let's go buy Everything! But you got that last Christmas.
Oh, that's my sister over there.
- That's your sister?! - Shhh.
That's your sister? I told you Cody wasn't into her.
They're just playing a videgame.
It's video golf! Perfect opportunity for him to put his arms around her.
Please.
Okay, Cody would never resort to such a cheesy.
Cliched guy move.
- Okay? - Hello! He's not making a move.
He's just lining up her putt.
- I'll say.
- Shhh! Woody, you are blowing this way out of proportion.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe it's just two friendly people playing a game of golf.
Oh, who are we kidding? If they're kissing on the first hole, They'll be honeymooning on the back nine.
Ugh, stupid sea-school key! Hi London.
You did great in gym class today.
I have gym? Uh, whatever.
Listen, I went down to the spa this morning to get a manicure, But they said I'd already been there and I'm almost positive I wasn't! Well, I had to go to the spa.
I can't be London tipton with raggedy nails and hairy legs.
You took my wax appointment too? Hey, I gots to represent.
Ohh.
Oh, hey, London.
I thought I heard you out here.
Hey, Bailey.
Just talking to myself.
Listen, I need some advice.
It's about Cody.
Ohhhh.
See, he's dating woody's sister And it seems like he's really into her, And I know I shouldn't care that he's moved on with someone else, But I just can't help but being jealous.
I don't think I'm really over him.
Did you just change clothes? Yes You know how I hate wearing the same outfit for too long.
But why are you wearing sweats? Because I'm going to help you Work out your problems.
And exercise your right to be happy.
You know how guys are.
This Cody kid is probably.
Just into this girl because it's something new.
- You think so? - Yeah.
And if you want him back, Maybe you should do something new change your look.
Are you kidding? I can't even afford my current look.
I just went shopping.
You can borrow some of my stuff.
- Wow.
- Wow! London, are you feeling okay? I mean, you're being so Supportive.
Bailey, Bailey, Bailey.
You are my roommate and my best friend.
At least that's what it says here.
Says where? In my heart.
I just can't believe you're dating Cody! I can't believe you're so upset.
You're the one that set Cody and me up.
As friends! I never dreamed he'd actually like you.
Hurtful.
Okay, if you won't leave my sister alone, we're throwing down.
- Well, hello to you too.
- Here are the ground rules: No kicking, scratching, biting or hair pulling.
- Woody - No hitting in the face, the groin, - The arms, legs, or chest.
- So basically I can tap your elbow.
No! Not on the funny bone.
Now bring it on, goldilocks.
I'm not going to fight you, Woody.
Okay okay okay, I give.
Just be good to her! Stand up.
Now why are you so against me and Willa going out? - Because she's my sister.
- So? - So you're my best friend.
- So? Look, when my friends date the women in my family, our friendships always go South.
- How many of your friends have dated your sister? - Well, none.
But my stepdad Steve and I were tight when he was my swim coach.
Then one day he came over to play Marco polo in the pool.
And ended up with my mom in the hot tub.
Look, Woody, I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship.
And I certainly would never do anything to hurt your sister.
- You know me.
- You're right.
I guess I was being silly.
After all, Willa's only going to be here a few days, And it took you six months to work up enough courage to kiss Bailey.
Well, excuse me for being a gentleman! So then the proton said to the electron, "of course I am.
I'm positive!" Sorry.
Woody says I have a goofy laugh.
Woody called you goofy? The man's 17 and wears footie pajamas.
I made those.
I love them.
Ah.
So listen, Willa, Since this is the first time we're eating together, I probably should tell you that I have a few little idiosyncrasies.
- Like what? - Well Just that I like to separate my food by color, Then divide my plate into quadrants and chew each bite 57 times.
- It's nothing.
- It's okay.
Woody mentioned you had a few little quirks.
I don't mind.
I'm glad, Willa, because I really like you, And I hate that awkward stage of dating when you're trying to pretend you're perfect.
Me too.
I'm so glad you said that.
So let's just agree to be ourselves.
No holding back.
- Let's just let it all out.
- Okay.
Been holding that one in since I got on the boat.
Well, I'm glad we cleared the air.
And all of the tables.
Hey, who said you could wear my clothes? Uh You did.
You told me I should take your advice.
And show Cody a whole new look.
Clothes aren't enough.
You should try plastic surgery.
Wow, you're a lot less supportive now than you were before.
I was supportive?! Okay, I need to give myself a stern talking-to.
Hey, where's all my jewelry? You put it in your pocket, remember? I did? How dare I do that! - Hi, London.
- Hey, Zack.
Ooh, you look very hotsy-totsy in the suit I bought ya.
Thank you.
So, uh, where is everybody? I thought you said you were throwing a party.
I am for me.
And you.
Whatchya doin'? Just being nice.
You know, we've known each other for six years.
And you've never been this nice before.
You know, that one time my hair was caught on fire, You wouldn't even give me your glass of water.
Well, people can change.
Not this much.
Okay okay okay, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What is going on here? Did Maya put you up to this? This is one of those weird girlfriend tests, isn't it? No, sweet cheeks.
The only thing I want to test is your lips.
- For what? - For this.
Oh, you are so busted, sister! London? Lon London? What's the matter? You'd think you'd never seen a twin before.
Look, missy, I hired you to do my dirty work, Not hit on my friends, steal my jewels and be nice to people! I am never nice to people! You're telling me.
You put the "w" in wiotch.
Well you put the "k" in trashy! - Mm-hmm! - Oh, it's on.
When I'm done with you, your face is gonna look like landfill.
Oh, bring it, "chica"! Ow ow ow ow! You are so fired! I want you off this boat now! Oh, well, I want you off this boat! What do you say? Tell everyone I'm the real London.
And I'll give you anything you want.
Anything? We've been friends for six years, Cody! I'm Zack! Yoare not helping yourself, sweetie.
Come on, let's get rid of her.
Okay, no no.
Sure, London is insensitive and thoughtless.
And cheap and heartless, But she's my friend and I don't want to see her dead.
Oh, thank you, Cody.
Do I need a name tag? Whatever.
Guess I'll just go back to tenafly.
Pffft! Not with my jewelry you're not.
Get back here! So then Woody made me laugh so hard the chocolate milk.
Just shot right out of my nose and put out the birthday candles.
There was snot all over the cake, but I ate it anyway.
Oh, you ate it anyway.
You so get me, Cody.
Don't you think that we're perfect for each other? Yeah That's what I told your brother.
When I begged him to let me date you.
What's the matter? I have this raging case of athlete's foot.
Yikes, it's getting pretty bad.
Whoo! Skin's coming off on my fingers.
- Hey, Cody.
- Hi, Bailey.
You know, normally I would never order ribs on a date.
They're just so messy.
But I feel so comfortable with you, Cody.
Great! Uh let's dive in.
Want a taste? No No.
You know, Cody, I think I'm really starting to develop.
Deep feelings for you.
Oh, you're crying! You must feel the same way about me.
Oh my goodness, Cody! Are you okay? Yeah, but, uh The truth is, Willa, I'm still in love with my exgirlfriend Bailey.
- You are? - You are? Absolutely.
I'm sorry.
I'm just not ready to move on.
Yeah, sorry.
Buh-bye.
Listen, Willa, This isn't about you.
You are a terrific, beautiful Carnivorous girl, But we're just not right for each other.
Dang it! Wow, am I glad you showed up.
So am I.
I can't believe you said what you said.
Well, I had to give her some excuse to let her down easy.
Thank you for playing along, Bailey.
Oh.
Right.
Playing along.
That's what I was doing.
So why are you dressed like that? Oh this? I'm entering the London tipton lookalike contest.
You'll never catch me! That's okay.
I forgot why I'm chasing you.
Well, good luck.
It looks like you've got some stiff competition.
That's pretty good.
One - Two.
- Cody! I just saw my sister and she said you broke her heart.
Yeah.
What she broke win? - I'm sorry.
What - Bring it on Goldilocks I'm not going to fight you Woody.
But if you want make you feel any better you can hit me on the elbow.