The Twilight Zone (1959) s03e13 Episode Script
Once Upon a Time
YOU'RE TRAVELING THROUGH ANOTHER DIMENSION- A DIMENSION NOT ONLY OF SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF MIND, A JOURNEY INTO A WONDROUS LAND WHOSE BOUNDARIES ARE THAT OF IMAGINATION.
YOUR NEXT STOP, THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
MR.
MULLIGAN, A RATHER DOUR CRITIC OF HIS TIMES, IS SHORTLY TO DISCOVER THE IMPORT OF THAT OLD PHRASE, "OUT OF THE FRYING PAN, INTO THE FIRE"- SAID FIRE BURNING BRIGHTLY AT ALL TIMES IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
YOU BETTER MOVE, MISTER.
GET OUT OF THE STREET.
YOU WANT TO GET YOURSELF KILLED?! HEY, GET OUT OF THERE.
HARMONY? HEY! HEY! HEY! THAT'S MINE! THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON AROUND HERE, SERGEANT.
EVERYTHING'S AS QUIET AS A MOUSE! HEY, YOU! CALL YOU BACK, SERGEANT.
HEY! STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW! OH! YOU JUVENILE DELINQUENT, YOU! OH, NO! IT'S BROKEN.
HOW AM I GOING TO GET BACK NOW? I ONLY GOT 15 MINUTES.
LET ME TRY TO UNDERSTAND THIS, SIR.
YOU HAVE THIS FUNNY-LOOKING HAT, NO PANTS, AND YOU'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO SOMEWHERE WITHIN 15 MINUTES? RIGHT.
THIS IS A TIME HELMET.
I'M FROM 1890.
THAT'S WHERE I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO.
AND YOUR TROUSERS? I HUNG THEM UP TO DRY IN 1890.
YOU'RE FROM 1890? WHAT PROOF HAVE YOU? PROOF? YES.
AH! THAT WATCH.
THOSE CLOTHES.
WHERE DID YOU GET THEM? THEY'RE MINE.
IS IT POSSIBLE?! QUICKLY- WHO IS THE PRESIDENT? YOU MEAN BENJAMIN HARRISON? BENJAMIN HARRISON.
AND BEFORE HIM? GROVER CLEVELAND.
BUT WHAT'S THAT? BY GEORGE! I BELIEVE YOU, SIR! YOU ARE FROM 1890! WELL, THAT'S NO NEWS TO ME.
HOW TO GET BACK WOULD BE NEWS.
AND THIS IS THE DEVICE, EH? HOW DOES IT WORK? WELL, YOU WELL, I DON'T KNOW! SEE, I'M ONLY THE JANITOR.
JANITOR, HMM? HMM.
PRIMITIVE, BUT FUNCTIONAL.
YES, YES, YES.
FASCINATING.
OH! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? PROPRIETOR! PROPRI YEAH? WOULD YOU COME HERE A MOMENT, PLEASE? YES, PLEASE.
WHAT IS IT? CAN YOU FIX IT? WE CAN FIX ANYTHING.
GOOD.
THURSDAY, ABOUT 2:00.
THURSDAY?! THURSDAY?! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THIS MAN MUST GET BACK TO 1890.
OH, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG BLOCK.
THIS IS ONLY 1600.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S A TIME HELMET.
AND THIS MAN IS FROM THE YEAR 1890.
WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF NUT? I'M AN ELECTRONIC SCIENTIST.
NOW, JUST LEND ME THOSE TOOLS DON'T TOUCH! BUT THIS IS DON'T TOUCH DON'T TOUCH THE TOOLS! LISTEN TO ME.
HOWDY.
I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
YEAH.
THAT MAN DOESN'T HAVE ALL HIS BUTTONS.
OH, YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, HUH? WELL, I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
LOOK AT THESE PAPERS.
WE BARELY HAVE TO GET BACK TO HIS TIME CONTINUUM.
IF YOU'LL REPAIR EXCUSE ME.
THIS FELLER SAYS HE HASN'T GOT ALL HIS BUTTONS.
WHAT'S HE MEAN, HE HAS NO BUTTONS? MEANS HE HAS NO MENTAL FACILITIES, YES? WHO SAID THAT? THIS FELLER HERE IN THE WINDOW.
THAT'S TV! WHO'S TV? TV- TELEVISION.
OH, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND IF I TOLD WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING, YOUNG MAN? DON'T DO THAT TO ME, PAL.
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
ALL WE WANT IS THIS SOLDERED TO THAT.
DON'T TOUCH THE TOOLS, WILL YOU? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
D-D-DON'T TOUCH MY TOOLS, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
LOOK, ALLOW ME TO SHOW THIS TO YOU.
DON'T TOUCH THE TOOLS! WHAT DID YOU SAY? I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU DON'T HOLLER.
DON'T HOLLER! YOU DON'T JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE.
NOW HELP! HELP! H-H-HELP! H-H-HE WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?! NOW, LOOK, WE WANT TO GET THIS THING FINISHED IN TIME.
JUST SIT DOWN QUIETLY, PLEASE.
NOW.
YOU SURE THIS ISN'T SOME KIND OF A COFFEE MAKER? NO, SIR, THAT'S A VERY SCIENTIFIC PIECE OF EQUIPMENT.
FIVE DOLLARS, PLEASE.
WHAT IS THAT LITTLE THING IN THERE? OH, WELL, THAT, YOU SEE THAT IS A TRANSITRON.
DON'T DON'T TOUCH MY TOOLS, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
I'M MERELY TRYING TO POINT OUT TO YOU THAT, IN ORDER TO FACILITATE THAT DON'T POINT WITH MY TOOLS, PLEASE.
WOULD YOU ALLOW ME TO PLEASE MAKE THIS CLEAR TO YOU? DON'T YOU UNDERSTA? THAT'S MINE! OH, JUST A MOMENT! NOW WHERE HAS HE GONE? COME ON OUT.
WILL YOU COME OUT?! JUST KEEP WORKING.
KEEP WORKING! HEY WHAT'S THE IDEA OF RUNNING AROUND THE STREET WITH NO PANTS ON? ALLEY OOP! WELL, IS IT READY? COUPLE OF SMALL, MINOR ADJUSTMENTS, YOU'LL BE ALL SET.
I ENVY YOU YOUR TRIP, SIR.
WONDERFUL PERIOD.
MMM.
FOR INSTANCE, NO INCOME TAX.
INCOME TAX? I AM A SCHOLAR OF THAT PERIOD, SIR.
IT HAS A CHARM- NAY, A FASCINATION- FOR ME.
THE VERY THOUGHT OF HAVING LIVED IN THOSE HALCYON DAYS I'LL SURE BE GLAD TO GET BACK.
IF I EVER DO.
HOW MUCH TIME IS THERE LEFT? OH WE GOT LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES! MMM.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TOWN, SIR.
WHERE, FOR INSTANCE, MIGHT A SCIENTIST FIND EMPLOYMENT? YOU A SCIENTIST? YES.
ARE THERE ANY IN YOUR TOWN? WELL, PROFESSOR GILBERT.
I WORK FOR HIM.
THERE YOU ARE, GENTLEMEN.
ALL FIXED.
GOOD.
WHAT DO WE DO NOW? UH PAY ME.
HMM? PAY THE MAN, PAY THE MAN.
AH! THAT'S JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT.
THANK YOU.
UH HOW DOES IT WORK? OH, YOU JUST SET THIS DIAL.
GOOD! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I INTEND TO USE IT MYSELF IN EXACTLY THREE MINUTES.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT! BUT IAM DOING IT, SIR.
I'M RETURNING TO THAT TIME OF BLISS AND SIMPLE PLEASURES! AND LEAVING ME HERE? YOUR FATE IS UNIMPORTANT, SIR.
YOU ARE A JANITOR.
I AM A SCIENTIST! WHY, I STAND BACK! IN LESS THAN THREE MINUTES, I SHALL HAVE ESCAPED THIS AGE OF MADNESS! LOOK, LOOK.
I BROUGHT A CHICKEN WITH ME ALL THE WAY FROM 1890.
ALL I DID WAS HOLD IT.
WE CAN GO BACK TOGETHER.
YOU'RE LYING, SIR.
I AM NOT.
HEY, LOOK OUT! GET THAT NUT OUT OF HERE.
"TO EACH HIS OWN.
" SO GOES ANOTHER OLD PHRASE TO WHICH MR.
WOODROW MULLIGAN WOULD HEARTILY SUBSCRIBE.
FOR HE HAS LEARNED, DEFINITELY THE HARD WAY, THAT THERE IS MUCH WISDOM IN A THIRD OLD PHRASE WHICH GOES AS FOLLOWS: "STAY IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD.
" TO WHICH IT MIGHT BE ADDED, "AND, IF POSSIBLE, ASSIST OTHERS TO STAY IN THEIRS.
" VIA, OF COURSE, THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
ROD SERLING, CREATOR OFTHE TWILIGHT ZONE, WILL TELL YOU ABOUT NEXT WEEK'S STORY AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
AND NOW, MR.
SERLING.
NEXT WEEK, ONTHE TWILIGHT ZONE, YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF INEXPLICABLY ENTANGLED IN THIS DARK DUNGEON.
YOU'LL MEET AN INCREDIBLE GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO, LIKE YOU, WILL BE QUITE UNABLE TO EXPLAIN HOW THEY GOT THERE, WHY THEY GOT THERE, OR HOW THEY'RE GOING TO GET OUT.
AND, AT THE END, WE'RE GOING TO BELT YOU WITH ONE OF THE MOST SURPRISING ENDINGS WE'VE EVER HAD.
NEXT WEEK, "FIVE CHARACTERS IN SEARCH OF AN EXIT" ONTHE TWILIGHT ZONE.
SEAT BELTS CAN REDUCE SERIOUS INJURY BY ONE-THIRD.
DOES YOUR FAMILY HAVE THE SECURITY OF SEAT BELTS?
YOUR NEXT STOP, THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
MR.
MULLIGAN, A RATHER DOUR CRITIC OF HIS TIMES, IS SHORTLY TO DISCOVER THE IMPORT OF THAT OLD PHRASE, "OUT OF THE FRYING PAN, INTO THE FIRE"- SAID FIRE BURNING BRIGHTLY AT ALL TIMES IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
YOU BETTER MOVE, MISTER.
GET OUT OF THE STREET.
YOU WANT TO GET YOURSELF KILLED?! HEY, GET OUT OF THERE.
HARMONY? HEY! HEY! HEY! THAT'S MINE! THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON AROUND HERE, SERGEANT.
EVERYTHING'S AS QUIET AS A MOUSE! HEY, YOU! CALL YOU BACK, SERGEANT.
HEY! STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW! OH! YOU JUVENILE DELINQUENT, YOU! OH, NO! IT'S BROKEN.
HOW AM I GOING TO GET BACK NOW? I ONLY GOT 15 MINUTES.
LET ME TRY TO UNDERSTAND THIS, SIR.
YOU HAVE THIS FUNNY-LOOKING HAT, NO PANTS, AND YOU'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO SOMEWHERE WITHIN 15 MINUTES? RIGHT.
THIS IS A TIME HELMET.
I'M FROM 1890.
THAT'S WHERE I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO.
AND YOUR TROUSERS? I HUNG THEM UP TO DRY IN 1890.
YOU'RE FROM 1890? WHAT PROOF HAVE YOU? PROOF? YES.
AH! THAT WATCH.
THOSE CLOTHES.
WHERE DID YOU GET THEM? THEY'RE MINE.
IS IT POSSIBLE?! QUICKLY- WHO IS THE PRESIDENT? YOU MEAN BENJAMIN HARRISON? BENJAMIN HARRISON.
AND BEFORE HIM? GROVER CLEVELAND.
BUT WHAT'S THAT? BY GEORGE! I BELIEVE YOU, SIR! YOU ARE FROM 1890! WELL, THAT'S NO NEWS TO ME.
HOW TO GET BACK WOULD BE NEWS.
AND THIS IS THE DEVICE, EH? HOW DOES IT WORK? WELL, YOU WELL, I DON'T KNOW! SEE, I'M ONLY THE JANITOR.
JANITOR, HMM? HMM.
PRIMITIVE, BUT FUNCTIONAL.
YES, YES, YES.
FASCINATING.
OH! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? PROPRIETOR! PROPRI YEAH? WOULD YOU COME HERE A MOMENT, PLEASE? YES, PLEASE.
WHAT IS IT? CAN YOU FIX IT? WE CAN FIX ANYTHING.
GOOD.
THURSDAY, ABOUT 2:00.
THURSDAY?! THURSDAY?! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THIS MAN MUST GET BACK TO 1890.
OH, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG BLOCK.
THIS IS ONLY 1600.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S A TIME HELMET.
AND THIS MAN IS FROM THE YEAR 1890.
WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF NUT? I'M AN ELECTRONIC SCIENTIST.
NOW, JUST LEND ME THOSE TOOLS DON'T TOUCH! BUT THIS IS DON'T TOUCH DON'T TOUCH THE TOOLS! LISTEN TO ME.
HOWDY.
I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
YEAH.
THAT MAN DOESN'T HAVE ALL HIS BUTTONS.
OH, YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, HUH? WELL, I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
LOOK AT THESE PAPERS.
WE BARELY HAVE TO GET BACK TO HIS TIME CONTINUUM.
IF YOU'LL REPAIR EXCUSE ME.
THIS FELLER SAYS HE HASN'T GOT ALL HIS BUTTONS.
WHAT'S HE MEAN, HE HAS NO BUTTONS? MEANS HE HAS NO MENTAL FACILITIES, YES? WHO SAID THAT? THIS FELLER HERE IN THE WINDOW.
THAT'S TV! WHO'S TV? TV- TELEVISION.
OH, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND IF I TOLD WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING, YOUNG MAN? DON'T DO THAT TO ME, PAL.
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
ALL WE WANT IS THIS SOLDERED TO THAT.
DON'T TOUCH THE TOOLS, WILL YOU? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
D-D-DON'T TOUCH MY TOOLS, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
LOOK, ALLOW ME TO SHOW THIS TO YOU.
DON'T TOUCH THE TOOLS! WHAT DID YOU SAY? I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU DON'T HOLLER.
DON'T HOLLER! YOU DON'T JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE.
NOW HELP! HELP! H-H-HELP! H-H-HE WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?! NOW, LOOK, WE WANT TO GET THIS THING FINISHED IN TIME.
JUST SIT DOWN QUIETLY, PLEASE.
NOW.
YOU SURE THIS ISN'T SOME KIND OF A COFFEE MAKER? NO, SIR, THAT'S A VERY SCIENTIFIC PIECE OF EQUIPMENT.
FIVE DOLLARS, PLEASE.
WHAT IS THAT LITTLE THING IN THERE? OH, WELL, THAT, YOU SEE THAT IS A TRANSITRON.
DON'T DON'T TOUCH MY TOOLS, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
I'M MERELY TRYING TO POINT OUT TO YOU THAT, IN ORDER TO FACILITATE THAT DON'T POINT WITH MY TOOLS, PLEASE.
WOULD YOU ALLOW ME TO PLEASE MAKE THIS CLEAR TO YOU? DON'T YOU UNDERSTA? THAT'S MINE! OH, JUST A MOMENT! NOW WHERE HAS HE GONE? COME ON OUT.
WILL YOU COME OUT?! JUST KEEP WORKING.
KEEP WORKING! HEY WHAT'S THE IDEA OF RUNNING AROUND THE STREET WITH NO PANTS ON? ALLEY OOP! WELL, IS IT READY? COUPLE OF SMALL, MINOR ADJUSTMENTS, YOU'LL BE ALL SET.
I ENVY YOU YOUR TRIP, SIR.
WONDERFUL PERIOD.
MMM.
FOR INSTANCE, NO INCOME TAX.
INCOME TAX? I AM A SCHOLAR OF THAT PERIOD, SIR.
IT HAS A CHARM- NAY, A FASCINATION- FOR ME.
THE VERY THOUGHT OF HAVING LIVED IN THOSE HALCYON DAYS I'LL SURE BE GLAD TO GET BACK.
IF I EVER DO.
HOW MUCH TIME IS THERE LEFT? OH WE GOT LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES! MMM.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TOWN, SIR.
WHERE, FOR INSTANCE, MIGHT A SCIENTIST FIND EMPLOYMENT? YOU A SCIENTIST? YES.
ARE THERE ANY IN YOUR TOWN? WELL, PROFESSOR GILBERT.
I WORK FOR HIM.
THERE YOU ARE, GENTLEMEN.
ALL FIXED.
GOOD.
WHAT DO WE DO NOW? UH PAY ME.
HMM? PAY THE MAN, PAY THE MAN.
AH! THAT'S JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT.
THANK YOU.
UH HOW DOES IT WORK? OH, YOU JUST SET THIS DIAL.
GOOD! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I INTEND TO USE IT MYSELF IN EXACTLY THREE MINUTES.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT! BUT IAM DOING IT, SIR.
I'M RETURNING TO THAT TIME OF BLISS AND SIMPLE PLEASURES! AND LEAVING ME HERE? YOUR FATE IS UNIMPORTANT, SIR.
YOU ARE A JANITOR.
I AM A SCIENTIST! WHY, I STAND BACK! IN LESS THAN THREE MINUTES, I SHALL HAVE ESCAPED THIS AGE OF MADNESS! LOOK, LOOK.
I BROUGHT A CHICKEN WITH ME ALL THE WAY FROM 1890.
ALL I DID WAS HOLD IT.
WE CAN GO BACK TOGETHER.
YOU'RE LYING, SIR.
I AM NOT.
HEY, LOOK OUT! GET THAT NUT OUT OF HERE.
"TO EACH HIS OWN.
" SO GOES ANOTHER OLD PHRASE TO WHICH MR.
WOODROW MULLIGAN WOULD HEARTILY SUBSCRIBE.
FOR HE HAS LEARNED, DEFINITELY THE HARD WAY, THAT THERE IS MUCH WISDOM IN A THIRD OLD PHRASE WHICH GOES AS FOLLOWS: "STAY IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD.
" TO WHICH IT MIGHT BE ADDED, "AND, IF POSSIBLE, ASSIST OTHERS TO STAY IN THEIRS.
" VIA, OF COURSE, THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
ROD SERLING, CREATOR OFTHE TWILIGHT ZONE, WILL TELL YOU ABOUT NEXT WEEK'S STORY AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
AND NOW, MR.
SERLING.
NEXT WEEK, ONTHE TWILIGHT ZONE, YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF INEXPLICABLY ENTANGLED IN THIS DARK DUNGEON.
YOU'LL MEET AN INCREDIBLE GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO, LIKE YOU, WILL BE QUITE UNABLE TO EXPLAIN HOW THEY GOT THERE, WHY THEY GOT THERE, OR HOW THEY'RE GOING TO GET OUT.
AND, AT THE END, WE'RE GOING TO BELT YOU WITH ONE OF THE MOST SURPRISING ENDINGS WE'VE EVER HAD.
NEXT WEEK, "FIVE CHARACTERS IN SEARCH OF AN EXIT" ONTHE TWILIGHT ZONE.
SEAT BELTS CAN REDUCE SERIOUS INJURY BY ONE-THIRD.
DOES YOUR FAMILY HAVE THE SECURITY OF SEAT BELTS?