Abbott Elementary (2021) s03e14 Episode Script

1
[COMPUTER CHIMES]
An e-mail from me?
To what do I owe the pleasure?
What's up, future me?
It's me. Past you.
Reporting from the first day of school,
where things are going swimmingly
because of my ace leadership.
I timed this e-mail for you to receive
on the last day of school
so that we can congratulate ourselves
on all the goals we accomplished.
Alright, let's go.
Congratulations on reading 400 books
in one school year.
Damn! I wouldn't lie to me,
so continue.
And by now, you must be
fluent in Mandarin.
So, allow me to be the first to say
"Ni hao cong ming!"
And that to you, as well.
Hey, how's the art class
liking that new pottery wheel
you got them?
Oh, that's who that was for.
Be proud.
Your teachers came to you
all year for guidance,
and you gave it to them.
- Ava, can you help me with
- Figure it out yourself.
Wow. You're right.
I can figure this out. Thanks, Ava.
- You're welcome.
- You're welcome.
So, give us a pat on the back.
Still got it.
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
♪
Look, Alex.
This is a plant
from the Goofball Garden
that Mr. Eddie gave me.
See how much it's grown?
It didn't grow that much.
Well, wait till you see it next year
- when you come to school every day.
- We'll see.
No, we will see you at school
every day next year.
This might shock you,
but I actually love
the last day of school.
It's such a nice goodbye,
because you know you'll say hi
again next year.
It's a pleasant wind-down.
And I love Move Up Day,
where the kindergartners
"graduate" to first grade.
It is so cute. [CHUCKLES]
It's also a great time to reflect.
I wasn't here most of the year,
but I'm proud of myself
for following my heart back to Abbott.
And, uh, to celebrate,
I am throwing the party
of all parties at my place.
[CHUCKLES]
Everybody's invited
except for the students
and most of the teachers.
Welcome, everyone, to Move Up Day!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Once again, reminding you
to hold all applause
until the end of the ceremony.
Jeremiah Banks!
That's my baby! Go 'head, Junebug!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
You're technically meeting
your students
for next year right now.
- Oh, yeah, that's true.
- Right?
- I can't believe the school year's already over.
- I know.
What are your plans for the summer?
Oh, I'm actually
really excited about that.
So, I'm going to take
the Goofball grant money,
and then I'm going to
- Hey, Janine.
- Yeah.
So, for your party tonight,
are you sure you don't want
to do it at Barbara's
since she offered?
And since it's a house
and has rooms, plural?
Look, while that offer has the power
- to give me a joy stroke
- Mnh-mnh, don't say that.
- Why not?
- It doesn't mean what you think it does.
- No, it doesn't.
- Really? Okay.
Well, my place will do just fine.
You live in a refurbished entryway.
What are we gossiping about?
Gregory's sweater T-shirt?
Man, make up your mind.
Is it a sweater, or is it a T-shirt?
Oh, hey, hey, hey, man.
No, we're trying to convince
Janine to have her party
in a more spacious space.
- Some of us have had a rough year.
- Preach.
And broke up with their
partner and best friend
- who will no longer speak to them
- Preach.
- and find themselves
- Guys, I hear you,
and I can assure you all
that I have gotten
all 350 square feet
350 square what?
Why don't you just throw the
damn party in my mop's closet?
350 square feet of
my big-enough apartment
into party mode.
Alright, I'll bring some limoncello.
No. I've got it covered.
Just bring your wonderful self.
- Maybe just some wine
- Hey, Mel.
Just don't, alright?
AVA: Last but not least,
Jamal Wilkins.
And there you have it!
- They said you couldn't do it.
- [AUDIENCE GASPS]
No, they didn't. No one said that.
But look at you now!
Congratulations to the class of 2024!
You're all moving on up!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
See you all at 8:00.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Showtime.
Hey, guys. Come on in.
Thank you very much, Janine, and wow!
You neighborhood is
quite the work in progress.
You need anything? A knife,
a Taser, stale baguette?
No, guys, I feel safe.
I have ADT and wonderful neighbors
who love watching over me
or watching me
and a cardboard cutout
of Allen Iverson,
so people think he lives here.
No judgment or anything, kid,
but your place seems
a little disheveled.
[SIGHS] Yeah, I know.
I have just been so busy.
I wish I had more time
to make it presentable.
Don't you worry, sweetheart.
We're gonna get this place together.
- Oh.
- And don't you dare try to help,
because you'll just slow us down.
Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much.
I mean, I've been such a wreck.
Lucky for you, we got here early.
Luck? I don't know her.
I knew that Mel and Barb
would show up at 7:00.
In fact, I planned for it.
As I have planned
this entire party to the tee,
so that every individual coming
will have the time of their lives.
I knew they would have no choice
but to help the life
of poor, little Janine.
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
It doesn't stop there.
While they have activity,
the antisocials will have a section.
The gamers will have a section.
The dancers will have a section.
I even have a movie room
where I'll be showing
"We're the Millers."
And that's not your
first choice, is it?
Yeah, try it. Thank me later.
I have all the necessary drinks
and fun enhancers and more.
I have so perfectly
planned for everything
that in three seconds, watch this.
Three, two, one.
- Janine, do you have any sponges?
- [MOUTHS WORDS]
This kitchen is a mess! [CHUCKLES]
MELISSA: Are these your only spices?
Salt, pepper, Lawry's, and Tajín?
And why are they in separate cabinets?
[CHUCKLES] Perfection.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Hold on, please.
- Hi!
- Hi! What's up, guys?
Get out of my way.
I got a party to save.
Ava, you're an hour late.
Right on time.
- JACOB: I thought you said it starts at 8:00.
- It does.
The strobe light effect is amazing.
Yes, an intentional strobe,
not broken light that's
too high to reach, exactly.
Okay, I know you said
not to bring anything,
but this raspberry stout
was aged in bourbon barrels,
and, girl, let me tell you
this is, like
Rude yet generous. I like it.
Yes. Right this way, gentlemen.
You'll be stationed over here
in the social section.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- JACOB: Hmm. Okay.
- Hey, Gregory.
- Hey, you look nice.
Thank you. I'm glad you came.
You're welcome.
I parked my G-Wagen in the red.
So, if I get a ticket,
we're splitting it.
[LAUGHTER]
Okay, yeah, sure. Of course.
Mr. Johnson, for you,
I have the dominoes section.
- [LAUGHING] Oh, this is a "party" party.
- Yes.
And for you, Gregory Eddie,
I thought you might enjoy
the "socially awkward
but trying" section.
- I love the layout. This is prime.
- Right?
She's not in the minors
'cause she's the Big Teagues!
[LAUGHS]
- Gregory Eddie, what's up?
- Hey, guys.
Manny? Oh, yeah, no, he's great.
I was, um I'm happy
that Janine is still cool
with her district people.
What's up? Welcome.
EMILY: Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh, no! I'm so sorry.
I knew I was unworthy of this party.
- I'll leave.
- Yeah, just go.
No, guys. Emily, it's fine, really.
I mean, hakuna matata.
Prop vase.
Yeah, it's not a party
until something breaks.
[WHISPERING] Bingo!
♪
["READY SET" BY
JOEY VALENCE & BRAE PLAYING]
I'm out.
I got to get home and get ready.
This was my pre-party
before the party.
Y'all got Spotify.
Ava, you're leaving already?
I paid you.
Not my full rate.
No one's gonna pay
you a million dollars, Ava.
It only takes one, and you're not it,
so I'm not staying.
You know what? You're right.
But before you head out,
can you say a quick hi
to my little cousin, Kwame?
When the last time
y'all heard it like this? ♪
Janine and I were like
best friends growing up.
Mm. That's wild,
'cause we're like sisters.
Toss me the keys
to the cherry-red Benz ♪
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Where's Mr. Johnson?
You got somebody for Ava
but not for me?
There's like four dudes in here.
- And half of them are gay.
- Erika.
Let me introduce you
to my emotionally unavailable,
fiscally irresponsible,
racially ambiguous,
well-chained friend Simon.
Hmm?
He owns a condo he can't afford.
Sup, girl?
[LAUGHTER]
Ooh.
- You hold right there.
- Okay.
- Young, ethnic Adam Sandler.
- [LAUGHS]
Ah-shoo-ba-de-bee!
- [LAUGHS]
- Right?
I'll be right back, okay?
I'm gonna talk to my girl.
Okay, update me real quick.
Gregory here.
What you doing with that?
Nothing, okay? He's my co-worker.
It could affect our jobs.
There are rules.
So I'm just gonna move on, I guess.
Okay, girl.
Come on. Let's go play "Simon Says."
- Okay.
- You've played that before?
- Baby girl, I invented that game.
- Ooh.
Let me end it on a high note ♪
My motion is ♪
Oh, so many books,
and not one of them the Good Book.
"The Joy of Reheating Takeout"?
Janine, I taught you better than this.
And that's Yeah.
I'd say that's the beginning
of her "it girl" phase two.
Wow, you know a lot
about Kristen Stewart.
- Well, I'm gay.
- Oh. Yeah.
[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]
"It's Morton. Please help.
The bouncer won't let me in."
What? Uh, I'll be right back.
What is going on?
MR. MORTON: He's not letting me in.
Says my name's not on the list.
Okay. Mr. Johnson,
we don't need a bouncer.
Could you please go back
to your dominoes?
The party won't work if
everyone's not in their section.
And Mr. Morton, um,
how about the puzzlers' corner?
Great. My wife said
to go where I'm wanted.
What do you think she meant by that?
Why is Zach here giving
his signature hand massages?
Now, that's a knot.
Oh, I thought that was a knuckle.
JANINE: Zach is here
because he's my friend, too.
Which, if I remember correctly,
you wanted.
Must I reap
what I always fruitfully sow?
I know it bothers you not to be
on speaking terms with Zach.
Why not change that tonight?
Fine.
Another factor
that makes a perfect party
Everyone gets along.
Relationships can get messy,
but they don't have to stay that way.
You just have to figure out
where people can
fit in your life again
and then build up from there.
Kind of like Jenga.
Wait, why is no one
in the Jenga section?
Okay, let's get you back
to Jenga, and you
Janine, we got Olive Oil at the door.
Mr. Johnson, I told you we
Olivia.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I-I gave your bouncer a $20,
but he said that I had to wait
for a couple ladies to leave
before I could go in.
Yeah, no. Um, I remember you. Yeah.
- You work with Avi, right?
- Yes.
Yes. Mr. Johnson,
could you give her back her $20?
Okay, I'll get it for you later.
You want to just come in?
I hope it's okay that I'm here.
Avi invited me,
but then my phone died.
- I couldn't text him.
- Oh, of course.
Welcome to the party.
Now, which section do you belong in?
- [SUM 41'S "FAT LIP" PLAYS]
- [GUESTS CHEER]
What the hell?
It's not time for white bops yet.
Hi, Emily. What are you doing?
It's DJ District now,
and school is in session!
- [AIR HORN EFFECT PLAYS]
- No, no, no. I paid Ava.
Like my name was El Niño ♪
When I'm hanging out drinking
in the back of an El Camino ♪
Hey, why are you here?
The make-out section's in the corner.
The make-out section is wherever
me and your cousin end up
in 10 minutes. [LAUGHS]
- Make that five.
- You know what?
Attention that we crave,
don't tell us to behave ♪
I'm sick of always hearin'
"Act your age" ♪
I don't wanna waste my time ♪
- See, Barbara?
- Whoo!
- Ahoy, sweetie!
- Okay.
Yeah, brown liquor.
I got you wine coolers.
That's a land drink.
I needed to put wind
underneath my sails!
And And you, you're supposed
to be cleaning.
I am cleaning
cleaning up the dance floor!
Hey! That's right!
MAN: Yo, why he not blue?
"Wakanda"? Is that "Wakanda Forever"?
Excuse me.
["FAT LIP" CONTINUES]
- What can I offer
- No, guys. No, no, no.
The movie's not supposed
to be compelling, okay?
- Change it back.
- But Namor.
[ALL] And Angela.
[GUESTS CHEERING]
Why are people dancing?
It's supposed to be a party!
Hey, do you have a charger?
Yeah, I have a charger.
I have an entire charging section.
Why Why are you doing the worm?!
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Guys, I know
the dance section is great,
but remember your sections, people.
Structure is fun!
Morton, get your ass back
to the puzzles!
- But they're watching "Wakanda Forever."
- [GROWLS]
Hold this.
Don't Don't worry about it.
No, no, it's okay. It's fine.
I can create a space for you.
Careful, 'cause sockets are
the number-one source
of home electrocution.
I promise you it's totally fine, okay?
[IMITATES BEING ELECTROCUTED,
CHUCKLES]
I'm just I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
I'm playing.
It's gonna be totally okay.
[GUESTS GROAN] AVA: Ooh, perfect.
Okay, slight hiccup, but don't leave.
Um, just go outside,
get some fresh air.
The lights will be on soon.
Guess I created a butterfly effect
when I left the dominoes section.
[SIGHS] I'll fix it.
Yeah. Okay. I'll go find
a flashlight. [SIGHS]
I need my shoes, da-bum ♪
JANINE: [QUIETLY] Where is it?
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa! It's just me.
Did the power go out,
or did this turn into
a very different kind of party?
What are you doing down there?
I'm looking for a flashlight.
I blew a fuse
or every fuse, okay?
See, this is why people need
to stay in their sections!
Well, it's probably
just an electrical issue.
I did see three blenders plugged in.
Yeah, and then I tried
charging a phone.
Olivia's, actually.
Oh, yeah, it's really great
that she came.
[SIGHS] You know what? Just
[SWITCH CLICKS]
Battery powered.
[SIGHS]
BARBARA: I am the captain now!
Are you good?
It was just going so well.
Even with the blackout,
it's still a hell of a party.
And sections and protocols are cool,
but parties can be fun
without rules, too.
This was the perfect way
to kick off the summer.
Mm.
You gonna throw some more of these?
Maybe. Yeah.
Oh, speaking of the summer,
you were, um
you were telling me something
at the Move Up Day about this summer?
- Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- So
I'm doing a summer program
for the Goofballs.
It's nothing huge,
just a few days a week
to maintain the garden
that we planted in the spring.
It's the first big project I'm
gonna use to grant money for.
- Wow.
- I'm very excited.
- No, I can tell.
- [LAUGHS]
I just can't help but think about
when you first got to Abbott,
and you were all business.
And look at you now.
You are teaching in the summer
in a garden that you created
with a club that you started.
I just, um I really
admire you.
Me? I mean
look at everything you did this year.
The Janine I met the first day
would have never left Abbott
to try something new.
And she definitely
wouldn't let all these people
- in her place with their shoes on.
- [LAUGHS]
You try new things, and you're brave.
You care about people.
That's what I admire about you.
[MUSIC RESUMES]
MR. JOHNSON: It's a miracle!
And I am God.
Ooh, what's this, now?
Um
Mr. Johnson, you fixed it. How?
- 'Cause I'm an adult. I'll show you.
- Mm.
Time for the teacher
to become the janitor.
- Come on.
- Okay. [SIGHS]
'Cause I'll be better,
well, I'll show you how ♪
I'll show you how, yeah ♪
I will never stop,
I will never stop ♪
I will never ♪
♪
I put in 10,000 hours ♪
Wow, I always thought
that was a little room
for mice or the Borrowers.
Okay, so, do I just not plug
as much stuff in, or?
No, plug in what you want.
If another fuse blows,
I'll just fix it again.
Mr. Johnson, how do you do it?
You just flip the fuse switch.
No, no, I mean,
how do you just live your life
doing whatever you want?
Aren't you afraid
things will go wrong?
Things will go wrong
whether you're doing
what you want or not.
For me, regrets have always
been harder to live with
than consequences.
Yeah, but what if the consequences
are really bad?
- You kill someone?
- What?
- I won't rat.
- No, no, no, no, no.
I just mean, like
what if you could lose your job?
Who cares?
[SCOFFS] Really?
Jobs come and jobs go.
I've quit, been fired,
been replaced on the panel
by Paula Abdul
right before the show blew up.
Hmm.
But I don't regret leaving them behind
to live my life to the fullest.
But I love this job.
All the way ♪
I'm all the way lit ♪
All the way, all the way ♪
I'm all the way lit ♪
It'll be alright.
Trust me.
Go blind trynna look at me, whoa ♪
Go blind trynna look at me ♪
Be mine ♪
I'mma let you be mine ♪
♪
Boom! Yes!
Nice, Morton.
MAN: Hey!
♪
See you all around my way ♪
Been meaning to say hi ♪
But I'm just way too shy ♪
I gotta make you see this is ♪
More than just a silly crush ♪
And I ♪
Wonder if you even notice me ♪
Oh ♪
You gotta feel me ♪
And I ♪
Would love you good ♪
Just wanna be your girl ♪
Oh, oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
I wonder, I wonder ♪
[CHEERING]
You gotta feel me ♪
ALL: [CHANTING] Janine!
Janine! Janine! Janine! Janine!
Go Janine! Go Janine!
Bye. Good luck
on your marriage, Morton. Okay?
- Oh.
- Shiver me timbers, tiny bucko!
- Time to abandon ship!
- [LAUGHS]
Okay.
Congrats, kid.
- Your party made Sea Barbara go full pirate.
- [LAUGHS]
Didn't know you had it in you.
Okay, yo, ho, ho. Leave the rum.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Oops. How'd that get there?
[CHUCKLING] Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Oh, hey, guys.
Um, you know, you can stay.
- There's no last call at Club Janine.
- Oh, no, no, no.
I got to keep moving,
or else I'll black out.
Oh, no.
- What about Simon?
- We broke up.
AVI: Oh, no, you guys were
so good together.
- JACOB: Forget him.
- AVI: Yeah, you deserve better.
Well
Oh, um
Gregory, you
Yeah, if Gregory would've stayed,
I would have told him how I felt,
which is that I like him
and I want to be with him.
Whoo! That feels good
to say out loud. [CHUCKLES]
I want to be with him.
But he left.
[LAUGHS] Okay.
How about I get the cheeseburger
Alright and then if you get a
Whoa, whoa, where are you going?
She clearly wanted you to stay.
I don't know what
you're so worried about,
if it if it's HR or the rules
or that text message,
but maybe you should be
a little more worried
- about that.
- It has nothing to do with that, okay?
I don't even care about
the rules at this point,
but Manny is inside.
Isn't that him literally leaving?
Okay, that's weird,
but I'm pretty sure
that they're dating.
I'm pretty sure they're not.
He asked, but the thing
about dates, Gregory,
is that the other person
has to say yes.
Janine shut that down.
Told Mr. Manny
that she likes somebody else.
You know what? No.
I am done waiting.
I bet I can still catch him.
Okay.
[FAINT WINDING]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
I fixed your light.
- 43, 44, 45, 46, 47
- MELISSA: That's insane!
- [GROANS]
- That was incredible!
What I get?
48-second headstand.
- JACOB: Well done.
- BARBARA: Hm.
That isn't so long.
Well, you do it, then!
None of us are doing that.
Then I guess that makes me
headstand champion.
Unh-unh. Hold my hoagie!
- JACOB: Uh-oh!
- Excuse me.
[LAUGHTER]
AVA: Don't encourage her.
[LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER]
JACOB: Go Barb!
You missed a spot!