Buffy the Vampire Slayer s03e14 Episode Script

- So, what, you're telling me never?|- Faith, now is not the time.
I'm curious.
Never ever? Come on, really.
All this time,|and not even once? How many times do I have to say it?|I have never done it with Xander.
He's just a friend.
So? What are friends for?|I mean, I'm sorry.
It's just All this sweating nightly action, and|you never put in for a little after-hours Thanks for the poetry.
And no.
I love Xander, I just don't love Xander.
|I think it ruins friendships to do that stuff.
- You think too much.
|- Hey.
There's one more.
- How do you know?|- I think too much.
OK.
On the count of three.
One Three.
- Nicely diverted, B!|- Diverted? That was me fighting for my life.
This isn't a Tupperware party.
|It's hard to plan.
The count of three isn't a plan.
|It's Sesame Street, Hey, they're toast and we're here,|so it couldn't have been too bad.
Who were those guys, anyways? I don't know.
They didn't seem local.
Look, why don't we grab|the weapons? Maybe Giles Check these out.
I just love "The Family Circus".
That PJ.
He's gettin' to be quite a handful.
Well! I haven't seen anything like this in|well, a good long while.
Where's the owner of these fine implements? The common term is "slain".
But I've been seeing this breed around.
|Are we expecting any trouble? - Do you like "Family Circus"?|- I like "Marmaduke".
He's always on the furniture.
Unsanitary.
Nobody can tell Marmaduke what to do.
|That's my kinda dog.
I like to read "Cathy".
So, what about these swords?|Wh-What should we do about that? Let's just keep an eye out.
|We've got the dedication in a few days.
We certainly can't have|anything interfering with that.
Well, maybe we should|postpone the dedication.
I believe the Honourable Mayor|hates that idea.
The dedication is the final step|before my Ascension.
I have waited longer than|you can imagine for this.
After the hundred days,|I'll be on a higher plane.
And I'll have no more need for Well, let's just say I won't be|concerned with the little things.
Mr Trick, watch these people.
|Anything you find out about them Well, let's just see that|that information reaches the slayers.
Who knows? With any luck, they'll kill|each other.
Then everyone's a winner.
Everyone, of course, being me.
- Willow, what are these?|- Early admission packets.
Harvard Yale Wesleyan Some German polytechnical institute|whose name I can't pronounce.
Is anyone else intimidated?|I'm expecting slips of paper - with the words "no way" written in crayon.
|- They're typing those now.
I'm so overwhelmed.
I got in.
|To actual colleges.
And they're wooing me.
- They're pitching woo.
|- The wooing stage is always fun.
But it's weird.
Rejection I can handle|cos of the years of training.
- But this|- I feel your pain, Will.
I'm torn between the fast-growing fields|of appliance repair and motel management.
Of course, I'm still waitin' to hear back|from the Corn Dog Emporium, so I think it's great.
Now nothing stands|between you and your brilliant future.
Well, if I may suggest, graduate.
Gettin' left back?|Not the thrill ride you'd expect.
That's so cute, planning life as a loser.
Most people just turn out that way,|but you're really taking charge.
The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase,|who won't be needing a higher education when she markets|her own line of hookerwear.
Well, Xander, I could|dress more like you but Oh.
My father has a job.
I won't waste the perfect comeback now,|but don't think I don't have it.
Oh, yes.
Its time will come.
So, life beyond high school.
Anyone.
Please, chime in.
I hear it's nice.
And a place I'll never go|if I don't pass Mrs Taggart's chemistry test.
I can help.
Chemistry's easy.
|It's a lot like witchcraft, only less newt.
So, what do you say?|Study jam, my house, tonight? I'm there.
I have to go see Giles,|report on last night's patrol.
- Oh, yeah.
He said he wanted to talk to you.
|- What about? Is he OK? He's looked better.
Of course, training procedures have been|updated quite a bit since your day.
- Much greater emphasis on field work.
|- Really? Oh, yes.
Not all books and theory nowadays.
I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself.
|Under controlled circumstances, of course.
- You're in no danger of finding those here.
|- Vampires? Controlled circumstances.
Hello, Buffy.
Well Hello.
New watcher? Wesley Wyndam-Pryce.
It's very nice to meet you.
- Is he evil?|- Evil? - The last one was evil.
|- Oh, yes.
Gwendolyn Post.
We all heard.
No, Mr Giles has checked my credentials,|rather thoroughly, and phoned the Council.
But I'm glad to see|you're on the ball as well.
A good slayer is a cautious slayer.
- Is he evil?|- Not in the strictest sense.
Well, I'm glad that's cleared up.
As I'm sure none of us is anxious|to waste any time on pleasantries, why don't you tell me everything|about last night's patrol? - Vampires.
|- Yes? - Killed 'em.
|- Anything else you can tell me? One of them had swords.
|I don't think he was with the other two.
Swords? - One long, one short?|- Both pointy.
With, like, jewels and things.
- Sounds familiar.
|- It should.
- "El Eliminati.
"|- Fifteenth-century duellist cult.
Deadly in their day, their numbers dwindled due to an increase in antivampire activity|and a lot of pointless duelling.
They became the acolytes|of a demon called Balthazar, who brought them to the New World -|specifically, here.
- You seem to know a lot about them.
|- I didn't get this job because of my looks.
I really, really believe that.
I've researched this town's|history, extensively.
- So why have we not seen them before this?|- They were driven out 100 years ago.
Happily, Balthazar was killed.
|I don't know by whom.
And they're back cos? Balthazar had an amulet,|purported to give him strength.
When he was killed, it was taken|by a wealthy landowner named - I don't want to bore you.
|- A bit late.
.
.
named Gleaves.
It was buried with him, and I believe the few remaining Eliminati|are looking for it, for sentimental value.
You don't think this amulet poses any threat? Oh, no.
Not at all.
Nonetheless,|we may as well keep it from them.
Buffy, you will go to the Gleaves|family crypt and fetch the amulet.
- I will?|- Are you not used to being given orders? Whenever Giles sends me on a mission,|he always says "please".
And afterwards, I get a cookie.
I don't feel we're getting off|on quite the right foot.
This is perhaps Faith? New watcher? Screw that.
Now, why didn't I just say that? - Buffy, would you|- I'll see if I can get her back.
Don't say anything incredibly|interesting while I'm gone.
They'll get used to me.
Faith, wait.
Look, I know|this new guy's a dork, but - I have nothing to follow that.
He's a dork.
|- You're gonna take orders from him? - That's the job.
What else can we do?|- Whatever we want.
We're slayers, girlfriend.
The Chosen Two.
|Why let him take all the fun out of it? That'd be tragic, taking the fun|out of slaying, stabbing, beheading.
- Oh, like you don't dig it.
|- I don't.
You're a liar.
I've seen you.
Tell me staking|a vamp doesn't get you a little bit juiced.
Come on, say it.
You can't fool me.
The look|in your eyes after a kill? - You just get hungry for more.
|- You're way off-base.
Tell me that, if you don't|get in a good slaying, you start itching for some vamp to show up|so you can give him a good Again with the grunting.
|I'm not comfortable with this.
Slaying's what we were built for.
If you're not|enjoying it, you're doing something wrong.
- What about the assignment?|- You do the homework, and I'll copy yours.
Strike one.
No amulet there.
Game over.
- Faith.
|- What are you doing, hiding in there? Looking for the amulet.
|Wasn't counting on the guest stars.
Six against one.
Hence the hiding.
Well, it's six against two now, so come on.
- Wait.
Stop.
Think.
|- No, no, no.
It's a manhole.
Tight space,|no escape, six against two.
- Three against one.
|- Maybe more.
Come on.
- Just go down there? That's your plan?|- Who said I had a plan? I don't know how many's down there,|but I'll know when I land.
If you don't come in after me, I might die.
- These are all the diaries, yours included?|- That's everything.
Knock yourself out.
Please? Oh, yes.
Here's your first entry: "Slayer is wilful and insolent.
" - That would be our girl, wouldn't it?|- You have to get to know her.
"Her abuse of the English language is such|that I understand only every other sentence.
" - This is going to make fascinating reading.
|- She should be back by now.
Not to fret.
My mission scenario has her|back in one minute.
Shouldn't be any trouble.
- We're surrounded.
|- You noticed that too? Let's settle this honourably.
Then let's just settle it.
Buffy! You son of a bitch.
I hate it when they drown me.
B! Gotta go! We came for the amulet.
Tell me you don't get off on this.
Didn't suck.
Looks authentic enough.
Of course, there are tests|to be made before verification.
How about verifying that your nearly extinct|cult was out in magnum force last night? - We got into a serious party situation.
|- Are you all right? I had to lather, rinse and repeat about five|million times but otherwise I'm of the good.
Thank you for asking.
Perhaps there are more than anticipated,|but I'd expect you to be ready.
Remember the three key|words for any slayer: preparation, preparation, preparation.
That's one word three times.
I have a chem test.
So sad that I'm actually happy|about that.
Giles, we need to talk.
Buffy I must ask you to remember|that I am your watcher.
From now on, anything you have to say|about slaying, you will say to me.
The only thing you need discuss|with Mr Giles is overdue book fees.
Understood? - We'll talk.
|- Of course.
- You're not helping.
|- I know.
I feel just sick about it.
It was intense.
It was like|I just let go and became this force.
- I just didn't care any more.
|- Yeah, I know what that's like.
I don't think you can.
|It's kind of a slayer thing.
- I'm not explaining it well.
|- You're explaining it a lot, though.
You have one period to|fill out your test booklets.
Periodic charts are located on the back, and|you're on the honour system, so no talking.
Faith knew I didn't want to go down there Miss Summers? You have one hour.
- OK.
So the best part|- Buffy Test? You know.
Remember? The thing|you didn't come over to study for? Right.
Got it.
Sorry.
So we're in the sewers,|and Faith's got three of them on her Whoa.
Can we resume|Buffy's ode to Faith later? Like when I'm not|actively multiple-choicing? How come your eye twitches|every time I say Faith's name? What? No, it doesn't.
Faith.
Cut it out.
We got a test to take, OK? I'm highly caffeinated,|and I'm trying to concentrate.
Some of us actually care|about school, you know.
Hey, girlfriend.
Bad time? No, she can't.
You can't, can you? - What's up?|- Vampires.
Unless there's an eclipse|in the next five minutes, it's daylight.
- Good for us, bad for them.
I found a nest.
|- That has potential.
- Rise and shine, people.
|- This is your wake-up call.
Hey.
You're not leaving, are you? - I saw you making friends.
|- Them? Boys.
I like you, What's the matter? You're not|afraid of little me, are you? We'd better sit down.
Come on.
I can sense this is a business trip.
- What's the what?|- Balthazar.
- Dead demon.
|- Not as dead as you think.
Word has it he's in a warehouse|on Devereau.
He's looking for His amulet.
To restore his strength.
From what I hear,|that's not something we'd like.
- No problem.
We got the amulet.
|- Giles said you gave it to someone.
- There you are.
|- Wow, speak of the really annoying person.
You're certainly giving me|a run for my money.
I think that if you're going to go out slaying,|you leave a number where I can contact you.
Where's the amulet? - Who are you?|- A friend.
Do you have it? It's somewhere safe.
- How did you know?|- It pooches your jacket.
- Hang on.
|- Carrying this is like wearing a target.
You'll put it somewhere safe|that's actually safe? - I'll do it now.
|- I'll do some recon on Balthazar.
If I may.
Balthazar is dead.
|Am I the only one that remembers that? - Be careful.
|- You know me.
I mean it.
What's going on? Call me.
Let me tell you what I see.
I see fear.
And remorse.
And the pitiful look of faces|that cry out for mercy.
But what I don't see is what I want to see, and that's my amulet! Lord Balthazar.
We found it.
- We had it.
But the slayers|- Already I'm bored.
Vincent.
Come here.
Closer.
Closer.
Let me tell you what I want to see.
OK, we got 10, maybe 12 bad guys, and one big demon in|desperate need of a StairMaster.
I say we take 'em all, hard and fast, now.
We need more firepower than none.
|We should head back to the library.
Well, I guess Jacuzzi Boy isn't going|anywhere.
I just wish we had That is too good.
Score.
- Think they're insured?|- Strangely, not my priority.
When are you gonna get this, B?|The life of a slayer's very simple.
Want? Take.
Have.
Want.
Take.
Have.
I'm gettin' it.
Drop the weapons and get|down on the ground.
Now! I said drop the weapons, or I fire.
- Now spread 'em.
|- You wish.
Hands in the air where I can see 'em.
Slow.
Good.
Now cuff 'em.
I like him.
He's butch.
That's some artillery you two are puttin'|together.
You with one of them girl gangs? Yeah.
We're the Slayers.
You wanna get outta here? Can't save the world in jail.
One, two - We should call an ambulance.
|- People already have, the racket we made.
Come on.
Let's get outta here.
Come on! Admit it.
Some days don't you wanna just|wake up and say "To hell with the diet"? Wanna make waffles? Big Saturday brunch? No, thanks.
I'm not really that hungry.
So what did you and Faith do last night? Nothing.
Nothing really important.
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna|meddle in your slaying.
- Just as long as you're careful.
|- I am.
You sure about those waffles? Yeah.
But if you want them,|I can help you make them.
No.
They only don't have calories|if I make 'em for you.
Mom logic.
Are you done with the paper? - Yeah.
|- Let's see what's happening in Sunnydale.
There we go.
Thanks a lot, fellas.
Thanks a heap.
Hey, have fun|on that camping trip, now.
Don't forget to roast a wiener for me.
There you go.
All right,|you can come out now.
Backbone of America, those little guys.
Seeing the hope and courage on their bright|little faces, I swear I could just eat 'em up.
So, any news about the Eliminati? In the name of Lord Balthazar, die! Thank you, Mr Trick.
Very thoughtful of you.
Why do they always gotta be using swords? It's called a Uzi, chump.
|Woulda saved your ass right about now.
You know, it's curious how he could have|gotten all the way into my liquor cabinet.
Allan, don't we have security|working in this building? Sir, I had no idea.
There's no need to swoon, Allan,|but try to keep things secure.
Lock him up.
He wake up, he's just gonna|try and kill you again.
Yes.
Yes, I expect he will.
Vincent made a noble effort.
Man to man, as befits a true warrior.
He had courage.
He had honour.
And I have jack to show for it! It has been a hundred years|since my enemy crippled me.
Now ultimate power is within his grasp, and I shall not let it be.
Forget about honour! Forget about everything|but getting my amulet! Bring the watchers to me!|Find the slayers and kill them! Kill everything that gets in your way! Go! Go! - You like it?|- It smells good.
What is it? Just a little something we witches|like to call a "protection spell".
Good deal, protection.
I'm surprised,|though, cos usually spell stuff's more Stinky.
Yeah, that's why I added lavender.
Give me time, and I may be the first wicca|to do all my conjuring in pine-fresh scent.
So, what's the plan? For tonight's slayage.
We're going, aren't we? - Yeah.
|- Great.
But there's a "but".
And that's|but you shouldn't come tonight.
Is that cool? Sure.
Makes sense.
You know, you'll be|facing big, hairy danger.
Biggest.
Very hairy.
- You'll be risking your life.
|- Right.
- And why risk yours?|- Because I'm your friend.
I know, Will, and that's exactly why|I don't want you going.
It's too dangerous.
But I've done this sort of thing before.
Like,|a million times.
I can totally handle myself.
Besides, minty-fresh protection.
So? Ready? Time to motor.
Hey, Willow.
Hi.
I really should - But we'll hang out later, right?|- Yeah.
You go ahead.
I'll just get my stuff.
Stupid.
- You're quiet tonight.
|- I just wanna get this done.
I'm dying to test out the longbow.
- I think it might be my new thing.
|- I can't believe you went back for it.
How about getting|some ribs after we're done? I didn't say you had emotional problems.
I said an emotional problem.
|It's quite different.
My attachment to the Slayer is not a problem.
|In fact, it's been a very useful The way you've handled this|is an embarrassment to the Council.
If you want to criticise my methods, fine.
But keep your snide remarks to yourself.
|And don't criticise my methods.
The fact is you're no longer|qualified to act as watcher.
It's not your fault.
You've done well.
It's simply time for|somebody else to take the field.
Now's a good time to start.
Screw it.
We got more comin'.
- We'll never make it to the warehouse.
|- If they come one at a time, we got a shot.
Faith, no! - Don't move.
|- I didn't I didn't know.
- I didn't know.
|- We need to call 911.
Now! Don't move.
It's OK.
I need something to stop the We gotta go.
Come on! We gotta go! Come on.
- Angel.
|- Buffy.
I've been looking for you.
- Your hand.
|- It's OK.
I've just been to the warehouse.
|I was waitin' for you.
They got Giles.
The front, the front.
Moisten the front.
Oh, God.
- Doesn't seem too promising, does it?|- Stay calm, Mr Giles.
We have to stay calm.
Thank God you're here.
|I was planning to panic.
What is that thing? That would be your demon.
|You know, the dead one? There's no need to get snippy.
Bring them closer.
You know what I want.
If it's for me to scrub those hard-to-reach|areas, I'd like to request you kill me now.
Are you insane? This is|hardly the time for games.
Why not? They'll torture us to death anyway.
- He's not wrong about that.
|- Now hold on.
We can deal with this rationally.
We have something you want.
|You have something we want.
A trade.
Intriguing.
No.
Wait.
Boring.
Pull off his kneecaps! No! The Slayer gave it|to someone.
A tall man.
A friend of hers.
I can tell you everything.
- Be quiet.
They'll kill us both.
|- But I'd like to have my kneecaps.
You will tell us everything! Yes, sir.
What is this friend's name? - I didn't actually catch it.
|- Look.
Tell you what.
Let him go, and I'll tell you what|you need to know.
How's that deal? There is one deal! You will die quickly,|or you will die slowly! The man who has my amulet! What is his name? His name is Angel.
Unacceptable! Unacceptable! - Mr Giles?|- Down! Slayer.
You think you've won.
When he rises, you'll wish I'd killed you all.
Potestatem matris nostrae|in tenebris invoco, Maledictum filium tuum ab omni periculo|custodias nunc et in saecula! I don't understand why Allan would|miss this.
He's usually so punctual.
- Did it work?|- Let's find out.
Open the cage.
- You sure?|- Hold on.
OK.
Now we're ready.
Well! This officially commences the hundred days.
Nothing can harm me until the Ascension.
Gosh, I'm feeling chipper.
Who's for a root beer? Faith? It's me.
So, I - How are you doin'?|- I'm all right.
You know me.
We need to talk about what we're gonna do.
There's nothing to talk about.
|I was doing my job.
Being a slayer is not|the same as being a killer.
Faith, please don't shut me out here.
Sooner|or later, we're both gonna have to deal.
- Wrong.
|- We can help each other.
I don't need it.
Yeah? Who's wrong now? You can shut off|all the emotions that you want, but eventually they're gonna find a body.
OK.
This is the last time we're gonna|have this conversation.
You understand me? There is no body.
I took it, weighted it|and dumped it.
The body doesn't exist.
Getting rid of the evidence|doesn't make the problem go away.
It does for me.
Faith, you don't get it.
You killed a man.
No, you don't get it.
I don't care.