Clarence US (2014) s03e14 Episode Script
Karate Mom
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Clarence: I'm the great master of Mount Dragoon! You killed my brother.
Prepare to die.
Man on TV: Flaming finger! Hyah! [Grunts.]
[Both laugh.]
Oh.
Fiddlesticks.
Kevin: Oh, that was St.
Patrick's Day.
I got to add this one to my scrapbook.
Um, the TV just stopped working, um, for no reason.
[Lips squeak.]
You just got to make sure it's plugged in all the way.
Here.
Both: Yay! [Telephone rings.]
Uh-huh, yeah.
Sure.
Just the bangs? - Uh-huh.
- Uh, Mom? Okay, great.
Yeah, see you there at 3:00 on Thursday.
Okay, bye-bye.
[Muffled.]
Mom, um, can we get a ride to Mount Dragoon? Sure.
I'll, uh, I'll look up directions.
- Both: Yay! - [Chuckles.]
Okay.
Oh, hey, honey.
- I got a little surprise for you.
- Oh, my Crab style.
Snake style.
You killed my brother.
Prepare to die! [Chitters.]
- Thanks, Mom.
- Oh, you're welcome.
Hey, don't forget to wear your pants, too.
And you know what? That's not the only surprise I got you.
I signed you up for karate lessons.
[Thud.]
What? Whoa! Oh my Are you also doing karate, too? - Yaaah! - [Laughs.]
Oh, no.
[Both grunting.]
- Exploding fist! - Ohhhh! You got me! Sweet revenge.
Okay, young ones.
Settle down.
Wow.
Are you gonna teach us how to kick butt? Martial arts is a meaningful practice.
- It's about discipline and - I'm gonna be a black belt.
You must earn your yellow belt first.
I'm gonna be a yellow belt.
- Sumo-san, do you need a gi? - Nah, I'm cool.
Well, you can't wear the headband [Growls.]
- Okay, have fun, boys.
- Join us.
Me? But isn't this a kids' class? We accept fledglings of all ages.
[Grunts.]
Ooh! Oh.
Well, it sounds fun, but my my clothes I'll give you a $10 discount.
- My, oh, me, I love this gi! - All right, Mom! - We're the masters of Mount Dragoon! - Kapow! [Snores.]
The importance of exercising restraint and controlling our feelings all comes down to honoring our number-one tenet [Squeaking.]
- discipline.
- Oh.
Discipline.
Oh! But if a bunch of bad guys busted in here like, "Oh, no! They're gonna kill us!" we could grab all the swords and just start swordfighting until there's one guy left, and I'm like, "Wait! He killed my brother!" - and he has a scar on his face - Where's your worksheet? Oh.
You mean Hyah! [Music.]
[Laughs.]
[Growling.]
Now we're going to try something quite exciting sand grabbing.
Everyone line up and await your turn to touch sand.
Wow.
This feels kind of nice.
Sensei Carlos: The sand represents - sand.
- [Whispering.]
Hey, Sumo.
Now for something even more thrilling.
Though we won't really be touching the board today, but it's here for psychological reasons.
I will take your village and karate-chop your livestock! [Laughs.]
[Clears throat.]
Would you two like to rejoin the class? Who would like to go first? - Hy-ah! - If you had really hit the board, you would've broken every bone in your hand.
Ooh! [Grunts.]
Impressively gentle, Mavis.
Hyyyyy ah! - Very good, fledgling.
- Thanks.
[Chuckles.]
[Grunts.]
That would've broken the board clean through.
[Sniffs.]
Yeah, whatever.
[Both grunting.]
Aah! Mrs.
Sammy, uh, is Mary on break? She's gonna give me some highlights.
She's in karate with Clarence.
It's around the corner.
Breathe in.
[All inhale.]
And let it out.
[All exhale.]
[Straining.]
One more time.
[All inhale.]
[Bell jingles.]
- Uh, e-excuse me.
- Are you interested in a class? No, no, not really.
I just need to, uh - Actually, can I just watch? - Of course.
- There is a $2 auditing fee.
- That's odd.
[Grunting.]
Chop, chop! [Bird shrieks.]
Oh! [Music.]
To karate Karate Hyyyyah! [Crack.]
Ohh! [Growling.]
[Both laughing.]
Hyah! [All grunting.]
Drop it! Drop it! Drop it! You showed great potential today.
You could be a master, Mary-san.
Mary: You know, the class is really fun, and I think Clarence and I are getting the hang of it.
I don't know, Mom.
Sensei Carlos looks like he's just sleeping all the time, not teaching.
- Boop! - Aah! Masters never sleep.
[Laughs.]
They just pretend so they can eat you alive! Pbht! Oh, man.
I'm a lucky man.
[Camera clicks.]
[Gasps.]
- # Choo-choo # - Whoa! Mom! Did you see that?! Come on.
We're gonna be late.
[Note plays.]
All: Ohmm.
[Snores.]
Huh? What? All: Ohmm.
[Notes continue.]
- Psst.
Want to ride the train? - Yes, I do.
Sensei Carlos, um, are we gonna fight some bad guys? No.
All right, then.
We got to go to the bathroom! - Wait, Clarence - Ohmm.
All: Ohmm.
All: Ohmm.
[Both laugh.]
Clarence, how come you left class? Mm, Sensei Carlos just talks the whole time, and it is kind of boring.
He can be long-winded, but we can't stop going now.
You know, we're supposed to be dragon masters! It's Masters of Mount Dragoon.
Well, masters of whatever.
We're having fun, right? I don't want to go anymore.
- Come on, Clarence - I don't want to.
Too bad.
We're going.
[Laughs.]
Everything okay with him, Mary? Oh, he's just being a little butt.
Okay, fledglings.
I believe you are finally ready.
Okay [Murmuring excitedly.]
Today, I will end you.
Hyah! Oh! [Laughs.]
Excuse me! [Laughs, snorts.]
[Grunts.]
[Laughs.]
Very impressive.
- Allow me to fetch another - Mary: Wait! [Music.]
[Exhales.]
Haah Kaboom! [Gasps.]
Wha? Astounding progress, Mary-san.
Clarence? Hey, Clarence! - Did you see that? - No, I did not.
Clarence, why are you being like this? Where are you going? Don't roll away from me! I don't like it.
I don't like boring karate.
It's boring.
What?! We beat the splinters out of it, just what you always wanted.
No! That's what you wanted.
[Grunting.]
[Sighs.]
I thought we were gonna be dragon masters.
Mount Dragoon.
Ugh.
Fine! If you hate it so much, you can quit.
But don't you care that I like it? [Sizzling.]
[Doorbell rings.]
Hey, Chad, can you get the door? I think they're here.
Oh, coming! What do we have here? Aww! Aww, look at those guys.
Oh.
Aww, that was fun.
That was my first day at school.
Lot of me's in here.
There goes all my hair.
[Laughs.]
[Music.]
[Chad grunting.]
Come on, Chad.
You got to get your left hand over to blue.
[Laughter.]
[Indistinct conversation.]
All: Ohmm.
Sensei Carlos: Congratulations, class.
Today, you transform from lowly fledglings into seedlings, - and how ni how nice - Oh, yeah! it truly is to share this moment with your loved ones.
[Fly buzzing.]
- [Sighs.]
Oh! - Congratulations, Mary-san.
- Clarence: Stop the ceremony! - Aah! Um, h-hey, Mar.
Congrats.
Clarence? Oh.
Oh, hey, guys.
Coming through.
Excuse me.
- Proceed.
- All right.
Here you are, Mary-san.
Oh, yeah! You got the yellowest belt in town! Whoo! Go, Mary! And now, for everyone's viewing pleasure, our two strongest students shall fight.
[Grunting.]
I'm number one! Oh! [Grunts.]
Don't mess with a Dragoon Warrior.
[Hard rock music plays.]
Uhhhh! - Oh! - I love you.
Aww, I love you, too, Clarence.
Hey, Sumo, did you see my mom? [Indistinct conversations.]
My mom has beat up over 100 bad guys.
And her name is Mom.
She is my mom.
She feeds me and also she kills people.
One last bit of housekeeping.
Some of you still owe me for classes.
This is your last chance to pay up! - I got your money right here.
- Aaah! Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Clarence: I'm the great master of Mount Dragoon! You killed my brother.
Prepare to die.
Man on TV: Flaming finger! Hyah! [Grunts.]
[Both laugh.]
Oh.
Fiddlesticks.
Kevin: Oh, that was St.
Patrick's Day.
I got to add this one to my scrapbook.
Um, the TV just stopped working, um, for no reason.
[Lips squeak.]
You just got to make sure it's plugged in all the way.
Here.
Both: Yay! [Telephone rings.]
Uh-huh, yeah.
Sure.
Just the bangs? - Uh-huh.
- Uh, Mom? Okay, great.
Yeah, see you there at 3:00 on Thursday.
Okay, bye-bye.
[Muffled.]
Mom, um, can we get a ride to Mount Dragoon? Sure.
I'll, uh, I'll look up directions.
- Both: Yay! - [Chuckles.]
Okay.
Oh, hey, honey.
- I got a little surprise for you.
- Oh, my Crab style.
Snake style.
You killed my brother.
Prepare to die! [Chitters.]
- Thanks, Mom.
- Oh, you're welcome.
Hey, don't forget to wear your pants, too.
And you know what? That's not the only surprise I got you.
I signed you up for karate lessons.
[Thud.]
What? Whoa! Oh my Are you also doing karate, too? - Yaaah! - [Laughs.]
Oh, no.
[Both grunting.]
- Exploding fist! - Ohhhh! You got me! Sweet revenge.
Okay, young ones.
Settle down.
Wow.
Are you gonna teach us how to kick butt? Martial arts is a meaningful practice.
- It's about discipline and - I'm gonna be a black belt.
You must earn your yellow belt first.
I'm gonna be a yellow belt.
- Sumo-san, do you need a gi? - Nah, I'm cool.
Well, you can't wear the headband [Growls.]
- Okay, have fun, boys.
- Join us.
Me? But isn't this a kids' class? We accept fledglings of all ages.
[Grunts.]
Ooh! Oh.
Well, it sounds fun, but my my clothes I'll give you a $10 discount.
- My, oh, me, I love this gi! - All right, Mom! - We're the masters of Mount Dragoon! - Kapow! [Snores.]
The importance of exercising restraint and controlling our feelings all comes down to honoring our number-one tenet [Squeaking.]
- discipline.
- Oh.
Discipline.
Oh! But if a bunch of bad guys busted in here like, "Oh, no! They're gonna kill us!" we could grab all the swords and just start swordfighting until there's one guy left, and I'm like, "Wait! He killed my brother!" - and he has a scar on his face - Where's your worksheet? Oh.
You mean Hyah! [Music.]
[Laughs.]
[Growling.]
Now we're going to try something quite exciting sand grabbing.
Everyone line up and await your turn to touch sand.
Wow.
This feels kind of nice.
Sensei Carlos: The sand represents - sand.
- [Whispering.]
Hey, Sumo.
Now for something even more thrilling.
Though we won't really be touching the board today, but it's here for psychological reasons.
I will take your village and karate-chop your livestock! [Laughs.]
[Clears throat.]
Would you two like to rejoin the class? Who would like to go first? - Hy-ah! - If you had really hit the board, you would've broken every bone in your hand.
Ooh! [Grunts.]
Impressively gentle, Mavis.
Hyyyyy ah! - Very good, fledgling.
- Thanks.
[Chuckles.]
[Grunts.]
That would've broken the board clean through.
[Sniffs.]
Yeah, whatever.
[Both grunting.]
Aah! Mrs.
Sammy, uh, is Mary on break? She's gonna give me some highlights.
She's in karate with Clarence.
It's around the corner.
Breathe in.
[All inhale.]
And let it out.
[All exhale.]
[Straining.]
One more time.
[All inhale.]
[Bell jingles.]
- Uh, e-excuse me.
- Are you interested in a class? No, no, not really.
I just need to, uh - Actually, can I just watch? - Of course.
- There is a $2 auditing fee.
- That's odd.
[Grunting.]
Chop, chop! [Bird shrieks.]
Oh! [Music.]
To karate Karate Hyyyyah! [Crack.]
Ohh! [Growling.]
[Both laughing.]
Hyah! [All grunting.]
Drop it! Drop it! Drop it! You showed great potential today.
You could be a master, Mary-san.
Mary: You know, the class is really fun, and I think Clarence and I are getting the hang of it.
I don't know, Mom.
Sensei Carlos looks like he's just sleeping all the time, not teaching.
- Boop! - Aah! Masters never sleep.
[Laughs.]
They just pretend so they can eat you alive! Pbht! Oh, man.
I'm a lucky man.
[Camera clicks.]
[Gasps.]
- # Choo-choo # - Whoa! Mom! Did you see that?! Come on.
We're gonna be late.
[Note plays.]
All: Ohmm.
[Snores.]
Huh? What? All: Ohmm.
[Notes continue.]
- Psst.
Want to ride the train? - Yes, I do.
Sensei Carlos, um, are we gonna fight some bad guys? No.
All right, then.
We got to go to the bathroom! - Wait, Clarence - Ohmm.
All: Ohmm.
All: Ohmm.
[Both laugh.]
Clarence, how come you left class? Mm, Sensei Carlos just talks the whole time, and it is kind of boring.
He can be long-winded, but we can't stop going now.
You know, we're supposed to be dragon masters! It's Masters of Mount Dragoon.
Well, masters of whatever.
We're having fun, right? I don't want to go anymore.
- Come on, Clarence - I don't want to.
Too bad.
We're going.
[Laughs.]
Everything okay with him, Mary? Oh, he's just being a little butt.
Okay, fledglings.
I believe you are finally ready.
Okay [Murmuring excitedly.]
Today, I will end you.
Hyah! Oh! [Laughs.]
Excuse me! [Laughs, snorts.]
[Grunts.]
[Laughs.]
Very impressive.
- Allow me to fetch another - Mary: Wait! [Music.]
[Exhales.]
Haah Kaboom! [Gasps.]
Wha? Astounding progress, Mary-san.
Clarence? Hey, Clarence! - Did you see that? - No, I did not.
Clarence, why are you being like this? Where are you going? Don't roll away from me! I don't like it.
I don't like boring karate.
It's boring.
What?! We beat the splinters out of it, just what you always wanted.
No! That's what you wanted.
[Grunting.]
[Sighs.]
I thought we were gonna be dragon masters.
Mount Dragoon.
Ugh.
Fine! If you hate it so much, you can quit.
But don't you care that I like it? [Sizzling.]
[Doorbell rings.]
Hey, Chad, can you get the door? I think they're here.
Oh, coming! What do we have here? Aww! Aww, look at those guys.
Oh.
Aww, that was fun.
That was my first day at school.
Lot of me's in here.
There goes all my hair.
[Laughs.]
[Music.]
[Chad grunting.]
Come on, Chad.
You got to get your left hand over to blue.
[Laughter.]
[Indistinct conversation.]
All: Ohmm.
Sensei Carlos: Congratulations, class.
Today, you transform from lowly fledglings into seedlings, - and how ni how nice - Oh, yeah! it truly is to share this moment with your loved ones.
[Fly buzzing.]
- [Sighs.]
Oh! - Congratulations, Mary-san.
- Clarence: Stop the ceremony! - Aah! Um, h-hey, Mar.
Congrats.
Clarence? Oh.
Oh, hey, guys.
Coming through.
Excuse me.
- Proceed.
- All right.
Here you are, Mary-san.
Oh, yeah! You got the yellowest belt in town! Whoo! Go, Mary! And now, for everyone's viewing pleasure, our two strongest students shall fight.
[Grunting.]
I'm number one! Oh! [Grunts.]
Don't mess with a Dragoon Warrior.
[Hard rock music plays.]
Uhhhh! - Oh! - I love you.
Aww, I love you, too, Clarence.
Hey, Sumo, did you see my mom? [Indistinct conversations.]
My mom has beat up over 100 bad guys.
And her name is Mom.
She is my mom.
She feeds me and also she kills people.
One last bit of housekeeping.
Some of you still owe me for classes.
This is your last chance to pay up! - I got your money right here.
- Aaah! Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose