Friends s03e14 Episode Script

'Cause every time I see your face I can 't help but fall from grace This girl's good.
Yeah, a song with rhyming words! I never thought of that before.
I like her.
Why? Because she can both sing and play guitar at the same time? That's all I'm looking for from these people.
Look at you, all jealous.
Come on, Pheebs.
You two have completely different styles.
She's more.
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You know? And you're more.
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Say you'll stay beside me See? Everybody else is happy she's done.
Okay, my next song's called: "Phoebe Buffay, What Can I Say? I Loved When We Were.
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Singing Partners and I Shouldn't Have Left You That Way.
" One of those "Iook for the hidden meaning" songs.
The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner .
:staz:.
(staz@post.
cz) Hey, Phoebe.
Hey, Leslie.
How'd you know I'd be here? I saw vlad at the place where they sell the big fish.
He said you played here a lot, so.
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I have to go to the bathroom.
If "big-fish place" comes up again.
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I'd like to know if that's several big fish or just one big fish.
So Phoebe says you write jingles.
Actually, I said she abandoned me to write jingles.
Anything we might've heard of? Home is never far away Home is Homestar Stew.
But I don't do that anymore.
I got kind of sick of it.
And then I couldn't come up with anything good, so they fired me.
Bummer.
Well, you know, I was just.
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I was just thinking and just hoping that.
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maybe you'd want to get back together? No, but, thanks.
Come on, Phoebe.
Would you just think about it? No, but, thanks.
See you, Pheebs.
That was kind of brutal.
Let this be a lesson to all of you.
Once you betray me, I become like the lce Woman.
I'm just very cold, hard, unyielding.
You know, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior.
Can I have a tissue? Is someone in there? I'm playing a daredevil game.
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called "Wait Until the Last Moment Before I Burst and Die.
" Jeez, man! Did you fall--? Hi! So did you? Did you fall high? Someone was in the ladies' room.
I couldn't wait.
I left the lid up for you, though.
You know what, Gunther? Go ahead.
I'm talking to.
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This is where you say your name.
Ginger.
Ginger.
I'm talking to Ginger, so.
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Don't you have to use the bathroom? No, I just-- I'd rather talk to you.
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom.
There's someone in here.
-Where's Chandler? -He can't make it.
He said he had to go back to his job and-- Joey? Joey Tribbiani? I can see you, okay? You're hiding behind the coats.
Close one.
Hi.
Hi, sweetie.
Hello.
Hey, Ross.
-I've got some bad news.
-What? I can eat, but I have to come back here.
Come on.
You've worked late every night for two weeks.
-What is it now? -It's my fault.
I quit today.
But work comes first! But that's sad about you, though.
What happened? What happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did you? He's leaving for a better job.
That's great.
So I guess this is goodbye then.
Goodbye.
Okay, then.
Well, we're gonna miss you around here.
Yeah, me too.
-So see you on Saturday.
-Yeah, you bet! Now, you know those are a delicacy in lndia.
That was Leslie calling to see if we can get back together.
It's like the 20th time today.
Yeah, good luck, Leslie.
She must've hurt you bad.
Well, yeah.
You know, we were best friends.
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ever since we were little.
Our moms worked on the barge together.
You two must've been so cute, running around on a barge.
You never run on a barge! Is Chandler around? He met some girl at the coffeehouse.
Ginger something.
Sure it wasn't something that sounded liked Ginger? Like "Gingeer"? No, it was Ginger.
I remember because when he told me, I said: The movie star Oh, man! That's the girl I was hiding from.
When she sees he's my roommate, she'll tell him what I did.
What did you do? Oh, no! I can't.
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I can't tell you.
It's the most awful thing I've ever done.
Don't tell us.
We'll wait till Chandler gets home.
It'll be more fun that way.
It was, like, four years ago.
Ginger and I had gone out a few times.
Then one weekend.
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we went to her Dad's cabin.
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just me, her and her annoying little dog, Pepper.
That night I cooked this really romantic dinner-- You gave her food poisoning! I wish.
After dinner, me, her and Pepper fell asleep in front of the fire.
I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the fire was dying out.
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so I picked up a log and threw it on.
Or what I thought was a log.
Oh, my God! You threw Pepper on the fire! I wish.
Another thing I probably should've told you about Ginger.
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is that she kind of has a.
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artificial leg.
Oh, my God! What did you do after you threw her leg on the fire? I ran! That's the best kiss I've had.
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with anybody I met in a men's room.
Actually, me too.
Foot all in the puddle! Damn! I hate that! -You'll have to get out of those shoes.
-Don't worry.
No, really.
You're gonna freeze.
No, I'm not.
You're not? Have you got a bionic foot? Someday.
Maybe.
Funny book? I'm just thinking about something funny I heard today.
Mark saying, "I'll see you Saturday.
" Yeah, at the lecture.
I told you last week.
You said you didn't mind.
It's not the lecture I mind.
Please tell me it's not because I'm going with Mark.
-Well-- -Oh, my God! I'm sorry, but if you're not working with him anymore.
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why do you still hang out? Because he's my friend.
But do you really need another "friend"? If I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark? Is that funny? Am I suppose to be laughing? I don't know.
You thought "See you Saturday" was funny.
Mark is in fashion.
I like having a friend I can share this stuff with.
You guys would never go to a lecture with me.
I'd love to go with you.
Really? I have clothes.
I even pick them out.
For all you know, I could be a fashion.
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: : :monger: I would love for you to go with me.
What? What should I wear? Now I'm all nervous.
You know, they say "A watched pot never beeps.
" It's been a couple hours.
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and she hasn't called.
Not that I even care.
I don't.
Why don't you just call her? You obviously want to.
You think you know me so well.
Well, don't you wanna? So I do know you.
That's what I said.
Well, so? I can't.
I can't.
She dumped me.
I totally trusted her, then one day it was like: "Okay, bye, Pheebs.
" Gone! You know what the saddest part is? When we were playing together, that was.
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the most fun I've ever had in all my lives.
My favorite shoes, so good to me I wear them every day Down at the heel, holes in the toes Don 't care what people say My feet's best friend Pals to the end With them, I'm one hot chickie Though late one night Not much light I stepped in something icky Sticky shoes, sticky shoes Always make me smile Sticky shoes, sticky shoes Next time I'll avoid the pile! We're beginning to see a lot of layering of sheer fabrics and colors.
For instance, a sheer navy blouse over a pink.
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I'm really glad we came.
You're so pretty.
I love you.
Smelly cat, smelly cat What are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat It's not your fault That's great! You know, you could totally sell this.
It'd be perfect for, like, a kitty-litter campaign.
A jingle? Why not? You'd make a ton of money.
If I was in this for the money, I'd be a millionaire by now.
You gotta get out of that jingle-head.
You're right.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
I'm gonna play a song now that's really, really sad.
It's called "Magician Box Mix-Up.
" Oversized bracelets, oversized earrings.
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oversizing of accessories, in general, is very popular now.
Can I borrow this? My milk's gone bad.
I hate that.
I once had a thing of half-and-half.
Stole my car.
So how was your date with Ginger? Great.
It was great.
She's.
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She's great.
Great looks and personality.
Greatness.
Sounds like she's got the.
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whole package.
Joey told you about the leg, huh? Oh, God! It freaked me out.
It shouldn't, but it did.
I wanna keep seeing her, but it's like: "Hey, you know what? Where's your leg?" I'm the smallest person in the world, aren't l? Morning.
Actually, he's the smallest person in the world.
Heard about the leg-burning, huh? It came up.
Listen, I know it's a long shot, but.
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by any chance, did she find that funny? So I nodded off a little! "Nodded off"? Ross, you were snoring! My father's boat didn't make that much noise when it hit rocks! Come on! Forty-five minutes.
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Forty-five minutes, the man talked about strappy-backed dresses.
Okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium.
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Iistening to Professor "Pitstains" say: "Remember that thing that died a gazillion years ago? Well, here's a little bone we didn't know it had! " First of all, it's Professor Pitain.
And second of all, that little bone proved that.
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that particular dinosaur had wings but didn't fly.
Okay, you know what I just heard? A hundred million people went to see a movie about what I do.
I wonder how many people would go see a movie called Jurassic Parka.
Oh, that is so-- A bunch of out-of-control jackets take over an island! If what I do is so lame.
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then why did you insist on coming with me this morning? Was it so I just wouldn't go with Mark? I wanted to be with you.
I don't know, I feel like lately.
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you're slipping away from me.
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with this new job and all these new people.
And you've got this whole other life going on.
I know it's dumb.
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but I just hate that I'm not a part of it.
It's not dumb.
But maybe it's okay that you're not a part of it.
You know what I mean? I mean, it's like.
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I like that you're not involved in that part of my life.
That's a little clearer.
See, it doesn't mean I don't love you.
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because I do.
I love you so much.
But my work-- It's for me, you know? I'm out there on my own, and I'm doing it.
And it's scary, but I love it because it's mine.
But I mean, is that okay? Sure.
You're thinking about my leg.
Actually, I forgot.
What's the deal with that again? Look, it's okay if it bothers you.
I only need to know how much it bothers you.
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because I don't like wasting my time.
Am I wasting my time? No, I don't think so.
It's like anything else.
You just have to get used to it.
What's that? That's my "nubbin.
" What's a nubbin? It's kind of a third-nipple kind of thing.
You have three nipples? Well, you know, two regulars.
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and one that barely qualifies as a-- What? Nothing.
You know, l.
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I just remembered.
I have to leave.
You have to leave? Now? How come? Well, it's nubbin.
Nothing! You know what? I'll see you later.
I thought you weren't coming.
-Where were you? -Come here, come here.
Don't get mad, okay? Don't give me a reason to get mad, okay? I played Smelly Cat for my old ad agency.
They went nuts! I told you I didn't want you to try and sell it.
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and you just big, fat did it anyway! I think, five years ago, I probably would have done anything.
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to play with you.
But I can do it myself.
If I can't trust you, then forget it.
I don't wanna forget it.
You know what? You have to choose.
If the most important thing on the planet to you.
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is this cat-poopy thing, then you can have Smelly Cat.
But we won't be partners.
So what's it gonna be? -Smelly cat, smelly cat -Problem odor in the litter box? Don 't change your kitty, change your kitty litter.
It's not your fault Sorry, Pheebs.
You okay? I actually am.
Because, you know, life's gonna hand you all kinds of stuff.
You learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow.
-You wanna hear a new song? -We'd love to.
Jingle bitch screwed me over Go to hell, jingle whore Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell That's all I have so far.
Well, hello! -Where you been? -The doctor.
Is everything okay? Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy.
Two nipples, no waiting.
Well! Just like Rachel in high school.
What? Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke.
That was an obvious joke.
And I didn't think of it.
Why? The source of all my powers.
Oh, dear God, what have I done?