Futurama s03e14 Episode Script

Time Keeps On Slipping Go get it, boy.
How about a romantic ride|in one of those swan boats? They're dangerous,|but I've mastered them.
Those aren't swan boats.
|They're swans.
That explains these boat eggs.
Whoa! Mmm Ah! Pitiful ballplayers of Earth I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate,|commander of the Harlem Globetrotters.
For generations, your planet has lived|in peace with our home world.
But now, for no reason we challenge you to defend|your honor on the basketball court.
Will no one meet our challenge?|Have none of you Earthlings game? - What happens if we lose?|- Nothing.
There's nothing at stake beyond the shame of defeat.
This will not stand.
I'll take you on,|you air-balling bozos.
You, old man? Sweet Clyde,|laugh derisively at him.
I may be an old man-|In fact, I'm fairly sure I am but I'll put you|Globetrotters in your place with my team of mutant|atomic supermen! Yay! Behold! My mutant atomic supermen.
- They're only a foot high.
|- They're still young.
Mere atomic superboys, really.
We'll speed up their growth with|time particles called Cronotons.
- Those destroyed an entire civili-|- Good news, everyone.
You're off to the Tempest Nebula|to gather Cronotons.
Hey, Leela, look at me.
Your face can take a lot of punishment.
|Good to know.
There's a lot about my face you don't|know.
You and it should get acquainted.
- Cool your jets, hotshot.
|- Why won't you go out with me? - We both know there's something there.
|- No, I mean, cool your jets they're melting Bender's face.
- Here you go.
Hot off the nebula.
|- None too soon.
The Trotters held a news conference|to announce that I was a jive sucker.
Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants.
- Hi.
|- Hello.
Marv Albert here at|Madison Cube Garden where the Globetrotters take on a|squad of atomic supermen in what should be a by-the-numbers|contest with no surprises whatsoever.
Here's the tip-off.
Globetrotter ball.
Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate.
|Drives downcourt and Curly Joe from the rear.
- That one grabbed his behindus.
|Quiet! Who dares laugh at|the Jesters of Dunk? We came to terrify and humiliate you,|not tickle your funny bones.
Watch as I embarrass your civilization|by passing the ball to Curly Joe.
Only to have it remain|in my hands with elastic.
Boo! And perhaps this will wipe|the smiles from your faces.
Goose goes up.
Rejected.
Agrow-treant|from half court.
Yes! GLOBETROTTERS - 42|SUPERMEN - 45 Supermen lead 45-42.
Aracneon with the steal.
|Thorais from downtown.
Yes! He's showing us what a man|with a cannon in his chest can do.
No showboating, you atomic hotdog.
That's the half, the Supermen|up 48-42.
Surprisingly dull so far.
The Trotters are down by six.
|Reactions? We planned to trail at the half, thus|deepening Earth's eventual humiliation.
Also, what game|were the refs watching? Curly Joe, amused by his own|antics, continues to wreak havoc on- - What the-?|What happened? What was that? Did everything just jump around?|Or did my brain just stroke off there? Something very strange|has just happened in this game between space clowns|and atomic monsters.
Time-out.
Time-out.
- What's happening?|- We're lurching forward in time like a needle skipping|on a record.
- What's causing it? Is it my outfit?|- No.
It must have something to do|with those time particles I used.
Time and space are ripping apart|at the seams.
- Oops.
|- Oh, great.
Now, on top of everything,|we need a new fifth man.
Put me in.
I wanna show Leela|my skills.
- Will said skills pay the bills?|- Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two|minutes left.
What could possibly-? Globetrotters win, 244-86.
|A dark day for humanity, folks.
We have been beaten in basketball.
- Yeah, that's how we do it.
|- How's that? You are all fools|of the highest caliber.
I don't know what you did, Fry,|but you screwed up.
Now all the planets are gonna|crack wise about our mamas.
- I'm glad my fat mama isn't alive.
|- Enough about your promiscuous mom we have bigger problems.
|This time disruption is serious.
Damn right, man.
This chronological wang-dang-doodle|could destroy the matrix of reality.
- Tate, what do you know about this?|- Not much yet but I am senior lecturer in physics|at Globetrotter U.
I'd like to help.
- You're that Bubblegum Tate?|- I sure ain't his grandma.
Look here.
We got an excess of Cronotons|in the subatomic interstices.
Yes, I see.
Something involving that many big|words could destabilize time itself.
- Is that a problem?|- Indeed.
At this rate, by Tuesday it'll be|Thursday.
By Wednesday it'll be August.
And by Thursday, it will be the end|of existence as we know it.
I have to ask you to clear out.
The|circus needs to set up for tomorrow's- Time continues to skip forWard|randomly.
Details at 11-|This is the neWs at 11.
The unexplained-|Turning to entertainment neWs teen singer Wendy might be the-|Won three Grammys last night- - Found dead in her bathtub.
|- Interesting.
We behave normally during the time|skips, but we have no memory of it.
- You mean we just-|- My, yes.
Just like that.
- Any luck, Bubblegum?|- Not yet.
- Hope you don't mind if I dribble.
|- Not if you grant me the same liberty.
Bubblegum, I'm a huge fan of your|work, both on and off the court.
- Can I be a Globetrotter?|- Shut up, turkey.
Ooh Bubblegum, look.
The background|time radiation is fluctuating wildly.
That sucker's shaking like fine booty.
I'm no physicist, but I think I know|how to stop the skipping.
We'll just- I don't know how this was|supposed to work.
I hope you find out what's|wrong before we skip my birthd- Happy birthday, Amy.
|- Hooray, look at all these presents.
I hope we all have as much fun|tomorrow at my birth- What? Oh I've set up a time-proof shelter|in the closet.
You're the one I want|to share it with.
Fry, that's so sweet.
Let me see.
How will this protect us|from time jumps? Because when we're together in here,|baby, time will stand still.
Hmm.
Hmm.
- Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry?|- Leela, I would be honored.
- does the worst W.
C.
Fields|imitation I've ever seen.
Zoidberg? Sorry, you must have been boring me.
The thing is, Fry is very sweet.
|But he's so immature.
I love his boyish charm,|but I hate his childishness.
So he's not perfect.
You don't wanna|end up old and lonely like Zoidberg! You were saying? There it is.
The Tempest Nebula.
|Take a whiff through the Smell-a-Scope.
- What's that funky jazz?|- The odor of pure time leaking.
When we removed the Cronotons,|it destabilized the nebula causing time skips|throughout the universe.
- Let Bubblegum tell it.
|- Pretend these balls are time particles.
As the nebula bounce-passes|them off us - they cause dents, or "time skips.
"|- You are so smart.
What if we were to move this star|cluster to these algebraic coordinates? Their gravity may divert the Cronotons|to the empty side of the universe.
Yeah.
But is it possible? Moving stars requires|a bad-ass gravity pump.
We'd need all the money|on Earth to build- - How long will it take to build?|- It won't be easy.
A jim-jam this complex might|take months or even- There we are.
One gravity pump.
Powerful enough to move|the stars themselves.
Now to begin the arduous task|of attaching it to the ship- Off you go, apparently.
Easy, Leela.
Just finger-roll|that star to the cosmic basket.
Just a few more hundred thousand miles.
There.
Nothing but nebula.
I think we've stopped the time skips.
- All right.
|- Jamming.
Hooray for Leela.
What better way to celebrate|than by showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made.
Let me see.
Hello, lawsuit.
I want you to know I think the way|you moved those stars was wonderful.
I got you something.
Moderately priced, non-vintage|champagne? How did you know? You deserve it.
Nobody ever stops to|tell you what a great captain you are.
That is so true and sweet.
You're smart, beautiful, and best|of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand.
You're a man.
I'm a woman.
|We're too different.
Bubblegum might let me organize a bake|sale for the Globetrotter wives.
- Can you teach me to make cupcakes?|- All right.
I want to lick the beaters.
I got her champagne.
|What does a guy have to do? Eighty-six the chump stuff.
It's time to win Leela's heart with|a showy, three-point romantic gesture.
Maybe this is the moment|to show her my real surprise.
- Fry, what are you doing?|- Time to boogie on down to the sauna.
I've been studying how to pilot.
|Impressed? Yeah, actually.
You're doing okay.
The reactor temperature is nominal.
|The blinker's off.
I learned to work the gravity pump too,|in case we need it.
- So are we dating now?|- Is that what this is all about? Please, cut it out now.
I know there's some perfect thing|I can do to make you love me.
- When I figure out what it is-|- I don't wanna hurt you but there is absolutely, positively|no way that you and I will ever- - man and wife.
|You may kiss the bride.
Yes.
He looks radiant.
Bubblegum, we failed.
|The time skips haven't stopped.
Even in these formal shorts,|I feel like a failure.
You tricked me into marrying you,|didn't you? Of course not.
- How'd you do it? Drugs? Hypnosis?|- No, drugs are for losers.
And hypnosis is for losers|with big eyebrows.
I don't know what I did to make|you love me.
But we're married now.
- We've got the rest of our lives-|- The divorce is final.
- What?|- Let's divide up the china.
I'll take the NFC helmets,|and you can have the AFC.
Fine.
Break my heart again.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
|You lost the woman of your dreams but you still have Zoidberg.
|You all still have Zoidberg.
How did I get Leela to love me?|I've got to figure it out.
Maybe you're just a fantastic lover.
- No.
|- I don't know what I'm doing.
Maybe she'd come back if|I were a Globetrotter.
- What do you say, Bubblegum?|- Hell, no.
Ooh It's hopeless.
I did something|so great it won Leela's heart and I'll never, ever know|what it was.
My life is empty.
Zoidberg.
No wonder we failed.
Diverting|Cronotons is mathematically impossible.
I knew I should have checked|your showboating algebra.
I thought you knew|that algebra was all razzmatazz.
A Globetrotter always saves the good|algebra for the final minutes.
Vintage Bubblegum.
The time skips are worse.
Isolated|spots are jumping by years.
Look.
Stupid senior citizens! Why should we pay for their benefits?|I deserve free money! I'm stumped.
We'll have to call in the|finest scientific minds in the univer- We could explode the whole nebula.
|What do you think, Curly Joe? An explosion big enough to destroy that|mama would take out half the universe.
You got to Globetrotter that explosion|up a little.
Make it an implosion.
By God, Sweet Clyde is right.
An implosion might form a black hole|that'd stop Cronotons from escaping.
Whoa, slow that|brain train down, prof.
We'd need some kind|of doomsday device.
Doomsday device? Now the ball's|in Farnsworth's court.
I suppose I could part with one|and still be feared.
Give me some skin, prof.
I'm making|you an honorary Globetrotter.
In fact, everybody in this room's|an honorary Globetrotter.
I'm a Globetrotter! - Did you say-?|- Too late, hot plate.
Crap! We must leave now, for we are needed|elsewhere.
But we wish you Godspeed.
Please.
Please let me come with you.
|I can make myself taller.
You can talk trash.
|You can handle the ball.
But ask yourself, are you funky|enough to be a Globetrotter? - Are you?|- Yes.
- Are you?|- I mean, with time my funk level- - Are you?|- No.
Deal with it.
- Careful with that doomsday device.
|- What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter.
My life, and, by extension,|everyone else's, is meaningless.
Roger.
Leela, I don't know what|I did to make you love me.
I don't think I tricked you,|but maybe I did.
- And if I did, I'm sorry.
|- It's okay, Fry.
- You know we'll always be friends.
|- Yeah.
I don't guess anything I do will make|you feel for me the way I feel for you.
I guess not.
The doomsday device is ready.
Maybe blasting this space into a storm|of nothingness will cheer me up.
Okay, let me just take|the ship out to a safe distance.
Actually, I think I'll go|and prep the detonator.
Fry, why don't you take the helm.
She's so great.
I almost remember the thing|I did to make her love me.
But I never will.
Sorry, buddy.
I too know what it's like|to have a dream I'll never achieve.
Oh! Detonation in three, tWo, one.
|- No! Did you see it? - The explosion?|- No, not the explosion.
Then what? Nothing.