In Living Color (1990) s03e14 Episode Script

- How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - In living color - You can do what you wanna do - In living color - Anything you want is up to you - In living color - You for me and me for you - In living color - You can be anything you wanna be - In living color Let's take a trip and sip on a dream Glide with the guide on a funky scene Here comes another one of thosefunky, funny mo'money shows A cast for laughsand talented roles And sisters with twistersfor you been lookin', listener It seems you don't believeso you can believe what I convince ya Some booty to your short and thoughtWe'll make it snappy With jokes and pokesat folks to keep you happy No need to holdyour remote control ChillThis show's got soul All aboard, all aboardThe train never troubles You'd better snuggle upcouple up - On the double-dub-double - Yeah It's hard to believebut some of the best things in life are free So, fellas, grab your girlTell her that you love her 'Cause that's the way you're livin'when you're livin'in living color Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go Go, go, go, go [Organ.]
[Cackling.]
Man, this must be the "pla-sace"! - All-new in '92! Ka-ka-kaaa! - Now dig.
Now, wake up the dead, 'cause Funky Finger Productions.
.
.
'bout ta "hi-yaaaah!" All upside your head.
Butt-naked and buck wild, man.
.
.
comin' at you all the way live from a big-time Hollywood funeral.
[Clears Throat.]
Are you gentlemen here to view the body? Brother, don't he look like a well-dressed walrus? Look here, brother.
If you're referring to Hot Chocolate over here.
.
.
you don't have to ask us twice.
- Yea! - I believe in miracles - [Imitating Wah-Wah Guitar.]
- Where you from You sexy thing Excuse me, sister.
Is this seat taken? I'm saving this seat for LaToya Jackson.
Girl, you'd better not grip up on my butt.
I will Flavor Flav you! Hey, hey.
- You think these are LP's, but these are CD's.
- Damn straight! Now, look here.
Is LaToya in town? 'Cause she ain't called me! While we got your ear, Hershey Kiss.
.
.
we'd like to tell you about a little project we got for the snake woman.
It's a story about a young lady growing up with a bunch of musical Negroes in Motown.
Daddy gave her a real hard time.
Lot of ass-whippin's in the back of the Trans Am.
- It's a little thing we like to call Left Hook.
- You dig it? Left Hook.
I don't think LaToya would hardly be interested in that.
Well, look here, "suditty kiddie," I bet she don't even know Tito.
- Dig that.
Fake Lola Falana-lookin'.
.
.
- Go ahead.
Don't even trip.
Hey, hey, hey.
Those seats are reserved for QuincyJones.
Man, now, if this is not Obba Babatundé, I'm a white man.
- I hear ya.
- [Laughing.]
No, for real, man, look here, is "Q" in the house, home-stuff? 'Cause, you know, he ain't.
.
.
[Grunting.]
Just who are you? Man, allow me to introduce myself.
My name's Clavell.
And I am Howard Tibbs III.
- And we are.
.
.
- [Together.]
Funky Finger Productions.
Let me give you one of my business cards.
.
.
You know, I'm fresh out.
Howard.
.
.
[Chuckling.]
[Simultaneously.]
Bam! Now look here.
Pay no attention to the syrup and stuff on the front.
We just came from Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.
Chicken so dry we had to eat it in the rain.
[Laughing.]
You need to stop, man.
But look here, speakin' of"Q".
.
.
I got a Mod Squad project that we would like to get Quincy involved in.
- Now, we already got K.
C.
- Dig that.
Remember? From the Sunshine Band? The high-yellow brother used to try and pass.
Well, this time he gon' play the white boy.
We couldn't get a commitment from Linc, but we got Vanilli to play the part.
We wanted T.
K.
Carter, but he got popped the other night.
I thought he broke his pipe.
Can we get Security here? Ladies and gentlemen, you know Freddie Saxon.
.
.
was not only a fine actor.
.
.
but he was a pillar of the Hollywood community.
Is there anyone here who would like to share a few words about Freddie? [Stammers.]
Excuse me, Reverend.
You know Freddie is dead.
- Freddie's dead - [Imitating Wah-Wah Guitar.]
[Laughing.]
Now, look here, y'all.
.
.
Are you sure you knew Freddie? Man, you'd better unhand me, James EarlJones Junior.
Now, all y'all know that Fredrico Saxon.
.
.
was in the process of making his last great film when we last saw him.
- Now dig.
- We got a little taste right here.
We just gon' give you a taste.
Gotta pay for the rest.
Howard? Bam! Now look here, we don't have a title yet.
.
.
but it's a cross between The Wiz and Flatliners.
You got to check this.
We like to call this one a real cool way of some open viewing.
Go ahead and roll it, Howard.
Ha-ha! Rondell.
.
.
Man, zoom out! I'll hang a stack in.
.
.
There we go.
Man, put that eight ball down! Man! Damn.
I'm trying to get my head right.
Hey, hey, and you better not have ate all my damn skins up neither.
- Man, come on.
- Here we go.
Let's kick up from the top! Ha-ha! All right, you ready? - Let's do it.
- "Accionay"! Now, look here, homey, when we get to the Emerald City.
.
.
we gotta get the Wiz to give us, er, um, uh, a brain and a heart.
Now, dig that.
A kidney and a liver and the whole nine yards.
Looks like homeboy needs it all.
He needs someJade East, 'cause he startin' to kick up like Long Beach.
Man, I thought someone was frying scraps.
- Say what? - Dig! Let's get a foot up in here.
Here we go.
Ready? All right, Homer Simpson, let's do this thing.
Ease on, come on Ease on, come on Ease on, ah-ah Ease on Ease on down, ease on Shake your booty now! Ease on Oh, hey.
.
.
All right! In order to finish this movie, we gon' need some ducats.
Now, we already got the first mil from Johnny Carson.
Well, actually, it's from Ed McMahon.
But it does say that we almost are winners.
My God! What have they done to my husband? [Sobbing.]
- And there's still straw in his suit.
- Shazam! Homeboy stayed in character all the way to the grave! - Dig that! - Here they are.
Hey, look here! Ain't no need to get physical, Kunta! I already took out a meeting with Billy Preston, man! [Announcer.]
And nowthe further adventures of.
.
.
Handi Man.
! [Whistling.]
Ooh! - Oh, hi, Clark.
- Hi, Lois.
Say hello to our newest star reporter, Tina.
- Where is she? - Why, right here.
Tina, this is Clark Bent.
Clark, Tina Small.
[Clears Throat.]
It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Likewise, Mr.
Bent.
Here, let me get that for you.
Wow.
I like the view down here much better.
Me too.
- Clark, you're drooling.
- Oh, again? Listen, Tina, I have to confess, I'm really attracted to you.
It wouldn't work, Clark.
Why not? I'm a little person and you're a big person.
Put yourself in my shoes.
Well, I could try, but I don't think they'd fit.
[Laughing.]
Miss Dane, this just came off the wire.
Oh, no! The Benefit Bandit ripped off another charity ball last night.
All the donations have been stolen.
Fourth time this month.
I've got to get to that charity dance-a-thon.
And don't try and stop me.
Charity benefit, huh? Maybe this is something that Handi Man should attend.
Excuse me, Tina! Hmm.
Maybe I could help.
- Handi Man! - Tiny Avenger! - What are you doing here? - I'm going to catch the Benefit Bandit.
- Maybe we should team up.
- Why not? Two superheroes are better than one.
Anyways, up, up and away! Here, let me help.
Up, up and away! Up, up and away! [Pop.]
Tiny, let me help you up.
Well, look who dropped in.
- The gimp and the shrimp! - [All Laughing.]
You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You must be talkin' to me, 'cause I don't see no other gimps around.
It was just a little joke, Handi Man.
It's good to see you.
And you too, Tiny Avenger.
I hope you two have brought donations for this worthy cause.
Now, that's my last.
Thank you.
Since you two are here, enjoy yourselves on the dance floor.
Listen, Tiny Avenger.
.
.
if we're gonna catch this creep we'd better fit in.
Hey, how come no one's dancin'? Let's get this party started! Right? - Let's get this party started quickly! - [Dance Pop.]
Go, Tiny, go! Is that a party over there? Yeah, boy-ee! Come on, everybody! Do the Handi Dance! On the good foot! On the good foot! [Continues.]
Bravo! Bravo! Let's hear it for Handi Man! Thank you! Handi Man, I think Isadora's gained a little weight.
.
.
since we've got here.
I think you're right, Tiny Avenger.
I'll use my Handi-Vision and find out what's going on underneath that muumuu.
[Isadora Screaming.]
Uh-oh.
I think I used too much juice.
So, Isadora, it's been you that's been stealing all the donations.
Yes! It is I! Isadora! The world's greatest dancer! Until that fateful night of my benefit concert.
.
.
when I tripped over the crutch and fell into the handicapped seating section.
Ever since then.
.
.
I've spent the rest of my life stealing every penny I can.
.
.
from the handicapped.
I'm going to make your lives ugly! Well, speaking of ugly, you'd better put some clothes back on.
Duh! That's a Handi-joke! You twisted little Handi-twerp.
Prepare to die! Tiny Avenger, let's get busy! No job's too large for the Tiny Avenger! [Screaming.]
Good work, Tiny Avenger! Great work! - Hyah! - [Tiny Avenger.]
Handi Man, watch out.
! [Yelling, Grunting.]
- We're trapped! - Yes, Tiny Avenger! Like rats! This was all a setup.
.
.
and you fell for my plan beautifully.
Now, Crutched Crusaders.
.
.
prepare to die! [Cackling.]
- [All Laughing.]
- It's not funny! It's not funny! [Announcer.]
Is this the final challengefor our caped couple? Tune in next week,same Handi-time, same Handi-channel.
.
.
for the Handi-conclusion.
Please welcome K-Ci, Jo-Jo,DeVante Swing, Mr.
Dalvin.
.
.
off of Uptown/MCA Records.
Put your hands together forJodeci.
[Audience Cheering, Applauding.]
[Dance Pop.]
[Vocalizing.]
[Singing.]
[Singing Continues.]
[Continues.]
[Continues.]
[Continues.]
[Continues.]
[Ends.]