Kickin' It (2011) s03e14 Episode Script

All right, let's bring up our class Valedictorian Milton Krupnick.
Milton? Yeah, Milton! When I was three, I remember looking up at the moon with a sense of wonder.
Woo! Great speech, Milton! - I'll get the car.
- Rudy.
We are here to support Milton graduating from the Junior Astronaut program.
We are saying until the end.
And now, a poem.
Get the car.
Space, oh space You're into space? Yeah, me too.
I'm gonna be the first guy to walk on the sun.
I know what you're thinking, it's too hot.
I'm going at night.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to interrupt.
We're not.
Where were you two hours ago? I just got off the phone with the President, and he's informed me that our friends, the Russians Are planning on sending a Wait, what? That would be the youngest Astronaut ever.
That's a record that we've held for years, and we intend on keeping it! General Jones, what are you saying? I am saying that you, Milton D.
Krupnick, are going into space! Holy Christmas nuts! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! - That's just how we do.
- Come on! And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kicking it with you.
Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.
Everybody! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! - That's just how we do.
- Come on! And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kicking it with you.
I can't believe General Jones convinced my mom to let me go into outer space.
That's the same woman who makes me wear floaties when I run through the sprinklers.
Your floatie days are over, Milton.
Your better than everyone else.
You're an Astronaut now.
That's why we had to give you the whole new look.
Gunnar, thanks for taking me shopping, but I'm not sure I can pull this off.
Sure you can.
You look great.
No, I literally can't pull these pants off.
I've had them on for two days.
Milton, you're in the space program now, okay? You gotta walk the walk.
You know, Milton, things are gonna be different now.
We didn't even have to pay for that meal.
We may have eaten at Phil's for free, but trust me, we're gonna pay for that meal.
Ugh.
Smell something burning.
It's just my pants.
I think I was walking too fast.
You know, being an Astronaut's a whole new way of life, Milton.
Check this out.
I'm Gunnar Nelson, Astronaut.
I'm not gonna rely on my title just to get girls.
I'll just rely on the old Krupnick charm.
Hey, girls.
I mean, they don't have to know that I'm an Astronaut.
- Whoa.
- What? Yeah.
Milton, I'm gonna say something I never thought I'd have to say in my life.
Uh You gotta help me get girls.
I can't make you an Astronaut, Jerry.
No, but you can get me a job at the Space Center so I can get one of those magic lady badges.
I'll talk to the General, but you gotta do me a favor.
Anything.
Help me get these pants off.
I really gotta go to the bathroom.
Kickin' it with you! Ooh.
- Rudy, how you doing? - Oh, not good.
I had a weird dream last night I had a baby alien in me and Now I got the shakes and my stomach feels like a roller coaster.
What is happening to me? Aah! Somebody help me! Help me! Rudy, we know about the new movie makeup and special effects store in the Mall.
You should have seen your faces.
I totally got you! Ooh ooh! Here comes Murray.
I'm gonna go scare him.
- What's the matter, Rudy? - Oh, it's my stomach.
I think I have an alien in me! That alien doesn't scare me.
Have you ever seen my wife? Come on.
Your wife is So what's new, Murray? Oh, my bingo game is in the toilet.
I was one game away from winning a trip to Spain.
I was gonna run with the bulls.
Anyway, this Bernice shows up about three weeks ago And she wins every game every game.
- 112 wins? - Yep.
Doesn't that seem a little odd, Rudy? Yeah, it certainly does.
Do you want us to come down there and check it out for you? Oh, thanks.
I knew my friends would help me out.
I love that new store.
So it sounds to me like you're saying they don't exist.
We only have time for one more question, Chappy.
And it cannot be related to hot alien space women.
Oh.
All right.
No.
Definitely no.
I have no more questions.
Excuse me, General, were you able to find a job for my friend Jerry? Milton, your friend may be the least qualified applicant I've ever seen.
But as a favor to you, I found him a job.
Jerry's going to be watching my wife's cat Wiggy while she's out of town.
And I love this little fur ball.
I got my badge, yo.
Come on, Milton.
I'm throwing you a party.
It's gonna be crazy! There's gonna be celebrities, supermodels, and I even have a statue of you carved out of cheddar cheese.
Wow! That's pretty ironic for a boy who's lactose intolerant.
Dude, I'm in.
Let me just go change Wiggy's litter box.
Yeah, Milton, Jerry doesn't really belong at your party, okay? He's not one of us.
But Jerry's my best friend.
Well then maybe you should be the one to tell him he can't come.
Woo! Yo, sorry it took so long.
Look at the size of this hairball, man.
It was a real struggle to get it out.
Wiggy finally coughed that up? Oh no, I did.
That's the price you pay when you lick your own pits.
All right, let's hit this party.
Uh, Jerry? See, the thing is You're not really an Astronaut so you can't come to the party.
I'm sorry.
Oh.
I see.
What was I thinking? Me going to an Astronaut's party? No.
It's fine.
No, I'll just stay here and share a can of Furry Feast with Wiggy the cat.
Jerry, you know your badge allows you to eat in the cafeteria.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't leave Wiggy alone.
Because he's my friend.
You don't do that to a All right.
Kickin' it with you! Bernice just got in line behind you.
You think she's involved in some kind of hanky-panky? I don't know.
But winning 112 games in a row smells like hanky.
And where you find hanky, you're gonna find panky.
Hey, Murray.
Here's your card.
- Oh, thank you.
- You got it.
Hey, sorry, folks.
Can't let you in.
We've got a strict over-65 policy.
- Oh no, it's okay.
We're with Murray.
- Don't care.
Very strict policy.
Hey, ma.
Come on in.
Kept your regular spot for you.
Hey, you hear that? He just called Bernice his mother.
- They're definitely up to something.
- We gotta get in there, but how? I got it.
Okay, let's go to the new store in the Mall.
- Well, what are they gonna do? - You'll see.
I can't wait to play bingo.
I'm feeling lucky, baby.
Hey, slow down, you two.
Where's the fire? Come on, Wiggy.
Where are you? You don't belong in here.
I got an open can of Furry Feast for you.
Ah-ha! Bad kitty.
You shouldn't be in here.
Only astronauts allowed.
We couldn't possibly be smart enough to be astronauts and figure out how to press a bunch of buttons.
Launch sequence initiated.
Wiggy Please tell me you said that.
Sir, you should have been at that party.
The music was bumping so loud, the floor was vibrating like you launched the shuttle.
Do you know somebody launched the shuttle? Yes.
Yes, I do.
Somebody manually launched it from inside.
We're establishing communications now.
Who would be stupid enough to Woo! Holy Christmas nuts! Come here, Wiggy.
Sweet rings of Saturn! He's got my wife's Wiggy! Meow.
General, what are we gonna do? Don't worry.
I won't lose you.
I'm bringing you home.
Oh.
Thank you, Sir.
I was talking to the cat.
Now you listen up, son.
I'm going to talk you in.
First thing's first.
If you look to your left, you will see a large green button.
Got it.
Whatever you do, don't press it.
Huh? You might want to lead with what I'm not supposed to do.
Oh, he short circuited the electrical system, blew the fuel cells and caused a giant hole in the heat shields.
The shuttle's too damaged.
It'll never survive re-entry.
There's no way to bring my little Wiggy home.
Seaford, we have a problem.
Kickin' it with you! You and I will watch Bernice.
Kim, you keep an eye on Zeke.
Should we tell Murray it's us? No, that's the worst thing you can do.
The man has absolutely no ability to keep a secret.
I have a mole on my butt the size of a pumpkin.
- Hello.
- Hey.
Hi, I'm Bernice.
Would you two fellas like a ginger snap? Oh, no thank you.
I'm still full from lunch.
I had a corned beef sandwich that was so tender I didn't even have to put my teeth in.
That's nothing.
You know what I had for lunch? A double prune smoothie.
Now that's the gift that just keeps on giving.
Ooh, I like turtles.
Don't touch my lucky turtle.
Ginger snap? So, uh Mission control, you guys gonna tell me how to bring this baby back down or what? Jerry, you're in a situation we call C-411-7.
Oh, that doesn't sound so bad.
Now let's see here.
Okay uh C411-7.
C411-7.
Bend over and kiss your butt good-bye.
Hmm.
I don't see how that's gonna help, but I'll give it a shot.
Jerry Things aren't good.
We don't have a way to get you back.
But I want to come back.
There's no food up here, Milton.
I'll starve.
Don't worry about starving Jerry, once you lose pressure in the cabin your head will pop off like that so - Holy! - Get him out of here! Now! Jerry, this is all my fault.
I should have just taken you to the party with me.
If word gets out about this, it'll be an international embarrassment.
We have to stage a massive cover-up.
This is Chappy Chapman reporting from the scene of what appears to be a massive cover-up.
There is no cover-up! And even if there is, I'm in no way responsible for it.
There you have it.
That's General Jones clearly jumping ship from the biggest scandal in SASA history.
- Back to you, Brittany.
- Out! That's it.
Jump ship.
Jerry, you're coming home because you're gonna jump.
Hoo-rah! What? I'm sorry, did you say jump? B Seven.
That's 10 numbers in a row.
And Bernice keeps tapping that turtle.
It must be connected by a wire.
Rudy.
I've been watching Zeke, and he keeps switching the bingo balls so Bernice always gets a match.
That's how they do it.
She uses the turtle to tell him what number she needs.
And then he switches the balls to match it.
Exactly.
Excuse me.
Everyone.
Put down your markers.
I've got something to say about Bernice.
Well, if it's about her ginger snaps, we know.
They're dry.
No, it's about the scam.
She won the last 112 games because she's cheating.
How dare you! Boys! Uh, maybe you could explain why there's a wire coming from under the table to your turtle.
I think it's time for you three to leave.
You probably shouldn't have done that, sonny boy.
You guys should get some stronger tables.
Help your brother out of there.
Come on.
Come on.
I taught you boys better than this.
Rudy, Jack, Kim.
I can't believe you did this for us.
Now, let's get back to bingo.
I've got a trip to Spain to win.
Wait.
Guys, turn on the TV.
I just got a text that Jerry is all over the news.
Jerry Martinez is about to jump from the space shuttle and freefall back to Earth.
I think I speak for the entire nation when I say We only hope that boy's lifeless body does not land on my new car.
Back to you, Brittany.
Okay, Jerry.
You got the space suit on? Yeah.
This is just a simple freefall Oh.
I thought it was gonna be dangerous.
When you enter the Earth's atmosphere and break the sound barrier, you'll hear a big boom.
Don't let it scare you.
- Milton, I'm afraid.
- Don't be.
When you reach 5000 feet, pull the rip cord and the parachute will float you safely back to Earth.
And I'll be in radio contact with you the whole way.
Wasabi? Wasabi.
Jerry? How you leave the ship is going to determine your trajectory for the entire descent.
You've got to be smooth.
Just lean forward and let gravity do the work.
Got it.
All right, here we go.
Ooh.
One Woo.
Two Three! Ow! Come on, kid! We're rooting for you! Did the boy jump yet? He's about to enter the atmosphere and break the sound barrier.
We lost radio communication.
Where'd he go? Jerry, where are you? Oh, this isn't good.
Come on, Jerry.
Woo! Oh, he's okay! - He's okay! - All right! - Yeah! - All right, Jerry, look for landmarks.
Do you see anything you recognize? Oh, I can see the school football field from here.
Good.
Aim for that.
Recovery party, move out! Hey, where do you think Jerry's gonna land? Well, if the jet stream gets hold of him, he could land in Mexico, Iceland, Florida.
South America.
New York.
He's right behind you.
Bingo hall.
That was next on my list.
Jerry! Dude, we're so glad to have you back.
Jerry! Milton.
Dude, I'm so sorry I went into space instead of you.
I'm just glad you're okay.
Welcome back, Jerry.
Of course for me it's bittersweet because somewhere up in space Is my wife's little Wiggy! No it's not, Sir.
I was jumping for two.
You, my boy, have the right stuff to be an Astronaut.
Doesn't he, Colonel Wiggy? Hey guys, let's go to Phil's and celebrate.
- On me.
- Okay.
Jerry.
There's another party for astronauts.
It'd be great if you came, being a Hero and everything.
No thanks, Gunnar.
I'm gonna go hang out with my real friends.
- Hm.
- Ah.
Hey, ladies.
You know who this is? World famous Astronaut Gunnar Nelson.
Oh, just Kickin' it with you! Oh! We're really proud of you, Jerry.
You should be.
You know, the General says I'm eligible for a purple heart.
Wait, isn't that when you get injured in the line of duty? Do you have any idea what that cat did to me when we broke the sound barrier?