Northern Exposure s03e14 Episode Script

Nice cow.
Yeah? Like it? Yeah, it's great.
What makes you say that? I don't know.
To tell you the truth, they all look the same to me.
Is that the one you're going to fling? Well, I thought so.
You know, from a distance she's very engaging.
But you get to know her, she's got a- A what? Uh, a certain wrongness about her.
A wrongness? You mean, like- Yeah.
Um- Not rightness.
You realize, of course, that by throwing that cow through the air by catapult, the animal is going to break every bone in its body.
Mm-hmm.
And the reason for this is? Create a pure moment.
Well, you know, look, I understand the cathartic value of performance art.
I was goin' to SoHo before it was SoHo.
I mean, I saw artists before they were refused grants by the N.
E.
A.
I was into Marilyn Jacovsky's inner landscapes before the Vorpal signed her, before Donald Trump started buyin' up her work.
But this? A cow death? We're gonna have a big old feast afterwards, you know.
A little moo? Yeah, pass.
Very fresh.
Double pass.
Huh.
Latest report from the art front- picked up a couple of Peterbilt truck springs this morning from the dump.
Real beauties too.
Gonna take about a ton of pressure apiece.
Still need a hand winch, a butterfly bit and use of a drill press.
Let me thank the folks over there at the, uh, Panisette Dairy Farm for the use of the Guernseys, even if they are played out, milk-wise.
Still haven't found one that rings my bell.
Anybody out there got a cow they want to fling? Trot her on over.
Chris in the Morning, K-Bear, Cicely, Alaska.
Oh, no.
Don't tell me you're out of orange marmalade.
Oh, sorry, dear.
Oh, God! There's some grapejelly.
Oh, no way.
Absolutely not.
Oh.
I'm getting some boysenberry.
A case in tomorrow.
You don't know my mother.
Hot lemon water every morning with half a dry English muffin with "marmy.
" Hot lemon water? Mm-hmm.
For the complexion.
You think she'll catch on this is plastic? I take it your mother's a creature of habit.
Mm.
Jane O'Connell- calligrapher of thank-you notes, organizer of spice racks daily swimmer of 66 laps, come rain or come shine.
Well, it was nice of her to come all this way then.
It's quite a departure, right? Try obligation.
My mother's pathologically polite.
Obligation for what? Well, probably because she and my dad went to the islands and deprived their little pumpkin of another tortuous Christmas in Grosse Pointe.
- No doubt that's behind it.
- Oh, I see.
Don't get me wrong.
I mean, my mother's a perfectly nice person.
Perfectly nice.
You know, perfectly perfect.
It'll be great to see her.
Well, maybe not great, but nice.
Perfectly nice.
Chris? Hey, Shelly, come on in.
What've you got there? It's a harness.
Holling says he slung a bull up in it once.
It should hold a heifer.
Yeah, it's got good weight.
Thanks.
- Sorry you didn't find the right cow yet.
- Oh, she'll show up.
Wow! You can draw too.
I didn't even know what you were doing was art.
Thought it had to be in a frame or likeJesus and Mary and the saints in church.
Well, you know, Shel, the human soul chooses to express itself in a profound profusion of ways, not just the plastic arts.
- Plastic carts? - Arts.
Plastic arts.
Like sculpture, painting, charcoal.
You know, then there's music and-and poetry and dance.
Lots of people- Susan Sontag notwithstanding- uh, include photography.
- Slam dancing? - Well, insofar as it reflects the, uh, slam dancer's inner conflict with society through the beat- Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Why not? Oh.
You see, Shelly, what I'm dealing with is the aesthetics of the transitory.
I'm creating tomorrow's memories.
And as memories, my images are - are as immortal as art, which is concrete.
Far out! And we're gonna have this transitory cow fling thing right here in Cicely.
Oh, it shall be done.
Wow, cool! Hey, Marilyn, point of information.
You heard about Chris's project? He's going to fling a cow.
That's right.
He's gonna throw a cow through the air.
What do you think about that? Chris is gonna propel a poor, defenseless cow into the air, and you just shrug? We're gonna eat it after.
Well, you know, Marilyn, after being hurtled hundreds of feet through the air, this-this poor creature might experience a great deal of physical pain upon impact.
You could give it something.
Something? Valium.
Great.
Excuse me.
Are you Dr.
Fleischman? Yeah.
Can I help you? Um, I couldn't get in your cabin.
My cabin? He's the chimney sweep.
The chimney sweep? No kidding.
Why? You don't think I'm a chimney sweep? Why don't you think I'm a chimney sweep? No, I just- I've never met a chimney sweep.
Of course, I've never had a chimney, so- Because I am a chimney sweep.
I'm a very good chimney sweep.
- The best.
- Fine.
No problem.
You don't clean out your chimney, you get asphyxiated.
You know, a lot of stuff gets up in there.
Uh, creosote, uh, dead animals.
Fine.
Well, uh- - What? - Need the key.
Oh.
Right.
I'm sorry.
Hey, do I know you? No.
Um- I'll leave it under the mat.
What's his name? Bob.
Bob? Bob what? No, just Bob.
I am so, so sorry the plane was an hour late.
I know.
I didn't mind waiting.
I tried to reach you.
I know.
I know.
But there was a line at the phone.
And then you weren't home.
The fog came in, and the plane was late, and it's not your fault, and I didn't mind waiting.
Really, I didn't mind waiting.
I love waiting.
All right.
Okay.
We had the loveliest captain.
He pointed out everything.
The Space Needle.
Mt.
Saint Helen's.
When you think of all that awful soot, and now there are trees growing.
I'd say it's repairing nicely after all it's been through.
Mm.
All right, Mother, it's shorter than last year.
Oh, it's really very flattering.
No, you think it looks mannish.
On Cissy Reynolds's daughter, yes.
I'm the one who has to wear it, Mother, not you.
I said I liked it.
All right.
I'm sorry.
Are you hungry? We can get something to eat.
Dear- Dear, that man has his hand in your truck.
Oh.
Hey, Chris, how you doin'? Last night, in a dream- trigger pin.
Well, Chris, uh, this is my mother.
Uh, Mother, Chris Stevens.
- Nice to meet you.
- This chain, it's good.
I like it.
Can I have it? - Sure, take it.
- Thanks.
Nice to meet ya.
! He's building a catapult.
Oh.
How interesting.
He's gonna fling a cow.
Oh.
Now, Mother, you, uh - you called on the phone, you wrote, you must've, uh, apologized a thousand times for Christmas.
What is this? What? This thing on the glass.
It's not dirt.
No? No.
It's just old.
Oh.
One tuna melt.
One cheese sandwich, light mayo, for Mother.
Oh, doesn't this look lovely.
Oh, Shelly, could you take Mother's old glass and bring another old glass? Sure.
Thanks.
Camp Indian Head, summer '78.
Huh? I'm sorry.
You just look so familiar.
You don't have a history of thyroid, do you? What? Thyroid.
Or sinus problems? I did an E.
N.
T.
rotation at Mt.
Sinai.
I thought maybe you came in.
No.
You ever accompany a friend? Look, l- I've never been to New York.
Excuse me.
There you are.
I know I know him.
He does a heck of a job on our flue.
So, anyway, I'm not saying it didn't come as a surprise, you know? I mean, you spend every Christmas of your life with your family- 28 Christmases- you just kind of expect that you'll spend the next one with your family.
And when you get this letter saying that they have other plans, well, I was hurt.
Well, no.
Not hurt, just thrown, you know? So, you know, Mom, if you'd like to clear the air, we could discuss it, but, uh, you didn't really have to fly 4,000 miles just to apologize.
Why would you think I'd come all this way to talk about Christmas? You? Oh, come on, Mom.
You, who makes us drive 30 miles back to Lansing in the rain because we forgot to thank Bree Benson for a wonderful time? I came here because I have something I wanted to talk to you about.
Your father and l-Well- Well, what? We've decided to get a divorce.
Your photos really didn't do this placejustice.
I don't know why you'd want to move.
Well, Mother, the whole front porch has dry rot.
My.
What a charming antique stove.
It's not antique, Mother.
It's old and used and-and beyond repair.
I am crazy about that mauve.
Or is it more of a dusty rose? Look, Mom, I don't want to talk about the stove.
How could you possibly talk about the stove at a time like this? I mean, you're intending to divorce my father.
Oh, it's beyond intend, dear.
We filed.
Filed? Mm-hmm.
It's in the hopper.
Where are those cigarettes? Oh, I don't believe this.
I mean, you come up here and drop this atom bomb on my head and tell me that the divorce is already in the hopper? Well, I didn't want to put it in a letter.
You have no idea how much that upset your Aunt Barbara.
Aunt Barbara knows? Aunt Barbara, Reverend Holyoke, uh, Price Adams, and, of course, your brother.
- Who's Price Adams? - He cuts my hair.
So, what, Mom, I'm like the last person in the world to know? Yes.
I suppose I did put off telling you, but you know how upset you can get.
You don't happen to have an ashtray, do you? Mother, don't you think you and Dad should just talk this through? I mean, you don't - you don't walk away from a marriage after 30 years.
- Thirty-two.
- Well, all the more reason.
We've been thinking about it.
That's why we took that trip to the islands at Christmas.
Oh.
The plate.
We wanted to hash things out.
See if there was anything worth salvaging.
Christmas.
So, you mean the Christmas I spent like an orphan, you and Dad were- Trying to stir the embers of a relationship too long dead.
It was fine as long as you kids were in the house and then getting you launched.
But after you were gone, there I was in that big house, alone.
And it was just as lonely with him there.
You were the one who said my whole life was one big sublimation.
Deep breathing and origami classes.
Hospital auxiliary and theJunior League.
Yeah, Mom, but you never chose to listen to me then.
I mean, what's made you decide to listen to me now? Your father and I haven't slept together in six and a half years.
What? Well, there was that one night after the G.
M.
testimonial, but we'd had quite a bit to drink.
I can't believe I'm hearing this.
l- I don't want to hear this.
I mean, I can't believe you're saying this.
And even when the sex was nice, it wasn't that nice.
I mean, you know how Frank is.
Methodical, wooden.
Whatever creativity he had went into the hatchback.
Mother, please.
! I've still got There's a whole world beyond the Grosse Pointe Country Club, and I want to experience it.
Hike to a lava flow.
See the pyramids.
The pyramids? In Egypt? Well, okay, Mexico.
But why not Egypt too? Mother, are you okay? I mean, are you having a nervous breakdown? Y- You're talking about Mexico, you're using a plate as an ashtray, and you're discussing all of this like your roses have come down with "aah-phids.
" "Ay-phids.
" When I first told your brother, I cried.
I bawled my eyes out for three hours.
Well, you're not crying now.
Well, it gets easier.
Listen, I'm sorry.
l - I think I have to get out of here.
I understand.
Is it okay if I wash my hair? Sure.
Fine.
Do you have a clean towel? Hmm? You still lookin' for a cow, Chris? Yeah.
Might have one.
Brown Swiss with a bad disposition.
Bring her by.
We'll give her a look-see.
All right.
Thanks, Gary.
No problem.
There he goes.
The Pied Piper of Cicely.
Don't you think we should try and stop him? Why is that, Joel? Well, hurtling live animals, Ruth-Anne- isn't it illegal? Well, Chris does venture farther out than some of us, but he usually ends up with something pretty interesting.
Fine.
Did my blood bags come in? No.
Oh, but you have some magazines.
New Yorker and Golf Digest.
Ah, four months old.
Great.
I get to know what I already know about the Ryder Cup.
Oh, and your Atlantic Monthly is here.
I was reading it in the back.
Look at this- the Hawaiian Open.
I'm stuck here with flying cows, these people are sinking putts under palm trees.
Look at that green green.
Mm.
Larry Coe? What? Of course! Larry Coe.
Th-The guy who sweeps the chimneys.
The chimney sweep is Larry Coe.
Bob? Yeah, Bob.
Bob is Larry.
Larry is Bob.
The golfer, Larry Coe, is Bob.
That doesn't look like Bob.
Well, no, that- that's, uh, Greg Norman.
I'm talking about Larry Coe.
Terrific player.
Came out of Florida with these straight, long woods.
I don't know, Joel.
Bob's been cleaning chimneys around here for some time.
How long? Oh, five, six years.
Yeah, that'd be just about right.
That's when it happened.
What? Well, he's playing the Masters, right? This is the Kentucky Derby of golf.
It's his first major.
He's got victory in the palm of his putter.
It's him and-and Kevin Quass on the 18th.
Larry Coe hits the green from deep out in the rough, right? An impossible shot.
Quass is in the trap, two down.
He chips a golden ferret.
Come again? He holes in from-from the sand trap.
Oh.
The ball rolls in, the crowd goes berserk.
Okay? Now, Larry, all he's gotta do is sink a three-foot putt.
He's done it a thousand times.
It's practically a gimme, and he's won the Masters.
What happened? He blew it.
Oh, dear.
A hundred million people watchin' on TV, zillions of dollars in endorsements, and he blew the Masters.
He left the game.
Nobody ever heard from him again.
Oh, poor Bob.
Yeah.
Wow, Larry Coe.
Why should I care anyway, right? They're down there.
I'm up here.
I mean, I'm a big girl.
I'm a grown-up.
A pilot.
I mean, Mom and Dad have their own relationship to work out.
What does it have to do with me? Nothing.
Plenty.
I mean, Holling, I thought we came from a happy home.
I have pictures of us, you know, at Christmas, Thanksgiving - all the big holidays.
And we were smiling.
I mean, we were happy.
I mean, we really looked like we were havin' a good time.
Were you? Well, I thought we were.
Obviously I was wrong.
What about you, Holling? Were your folks happy? I honestly can't say.
Let me tell you something.
You were smart not to come to any conclusions, because I assumed we were, and it was a big mistake.
No, it isn't that.
Maggie, happiness just wasn't part of the job description back then.
You tried to find a helpmate to keep the cold wind and the dogs at bay.
Happiness just wasn't part of the equation.
Survival was.
Yeah, but, Holling, I didn't live then.
I live now.
And I thought I had it, and now I found out that I didn't, and how would I even know what it was? Happiness? Not that I want the kind of relationship they had anyway.
No? Are you kidding? With their matching little pink crew-neck sweaters and their cold little martinis and their big little green manicured lawns.
Well, if you don't want to be like them, then what's the problem? The problem? Holling, what's the problem? The problem is that all my life I've been rebelling against something that didn't even exist.
Yeah.
- Hey.
! - Ho.
! How's it goin'? Well, I got a small skeleton up here.
Looks like a squirrel.
Hey, Bob? Yeah? Look, um- I know who you are.
Yeah, l- I said I know who you are.
You're Larry Coe.
Hmm? Come on.
I've seen your picture in Sports Illustrated.
I've watched you a million times on TV.
Oh, man.
I knew it.
I knew you were somebody.
I couldn't put my finger on it.
I thought maybe Richmond Hill High or Camp Indian Head, and then l-I'm reading Golf Digest.
It is a pleasure to meet you.
Do you know I have followed your career since your junior win in '78? I remember Maybrook.
What, it was, uh, the summer of'82.
You hit that drive, you cleared the water and the bunker on the 15th hole with a what, a three iron, right? It was a five.
A five iron? Really? Do you know, uh, the TV said it was a three iron.
Hey, how about the back nine in Pebble Beach? What a charge! Suppose you saw the Masters.
Augusta Nationals.
It was my favorite course.
I mean, I remember the moment clearly.
Sunday afternoon, Elaine and I, we're sitting in front of the TV.
She's doin' the Times crossword puzzle.
She couldn't believe it.
Neither of us could.
You had that in the bag.
The ball just-just broke off to the right.
Where you goin'? Somewhere, anywhere.
Right now? You're not done, are you? You know, it's not enough that I come in here and clean your chimney for you, is it? I can clean your flue.
I could be the nicest guy in the world.
All you see is some choke artist with a putter in his hand.
Simple laundry detergent will cut through that creosote.
What's happening? What's happening? What? What? It's a fire.
Fire? Where? Uh, south corner of Katunic and Washington.
Katunic and Washington.
Katunic and Washington? That's my house.
Oh, no.
Oh, no! Oh, my God! I'm sorry, Maggie.
It's too far gone.
Mother? Mary-Margaret.
! Mother? Oh! Oh, God, Mother, are you okay? Oh, I'm fine.
Oh, thank God! I'm so sorry.
No, Mom.
I'm sorry.
There was faulty wiring.
Oh, I'm so stupid.
No, Mother, will you stop apologizing? It's not your fault.
Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
Yes.
It is.
It was an accident, sweetheart.
What do you mean it was an accident? l- I left the towel on the space heater.
It was damp.
I'm sorry.
You-You started that fire? You started that fire? I'm sorry.
You're sorry? You burned my whole house down, and you're sorry? Mary-Margaret, now, stop it.
Get a grip on yourself.
Here's some squishy pillows and my old blanket from home.
You'll be surprised how comfortable this pool table is.
I have no pillows.
I have nothing.
I have no underwear.
If I had a pet, it would be dead.
Well, you could probably stay here as long as you need to.
Everything I had was in that house.
I have nothing.
I feel nothing.
I am nothing.
It could've been really bad.
Your mom could've cooked.
Mother.
Ohhh- You know, she comes into town for two minutes, and what does she do? She burns my house down! Mothers are supposed to help their children.
They're supposed to protect them.
They're not supposed to come into town, tell them they're getting divorced, and then burn down their daughters' houses! You know, first she ruins my life, and then she ruins my life! Maybe you should talk to her.
Maybe not.
- Hi, Marilyn.
- Hi.
I bring stuff.
Look! Look what Marilyn brought you, Maggie- stuff! From my tribe.
Look, there's a shirt and some pants.
A blender.
Looks like everybody chipped in.
Uh-huh.
Because she's homeless.
Oh, wow, look at these.
Hello, Chris.
Hey, Ed.
I bought that cow on the side of the road for you.
Ooh, nice.
Soft energy too.
Got my cow, Ed.
Right back there.
- The fat one.
- Yep.
- Well, she's pretty.
- No, man, she's perfect.
- Black and white.
- Yin and yang.
Just like the one in Monty Python.
- What? - Oh, yeah.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
You know, the crusaders are storming the castle with a catapult.
Really? A catapult? Yep.
And then they hurled this cow right at that castle with the catapult.
Pow! Th-They flung a cow with a catapult? Oh, yeah.
Right over the castle wall.
Pow! Ed, you sure about this? Well, it might not have been a real cow.
I mean, a live one anyway.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Right at that castle wall.
Pow.
I guess that's it then.
Yeah.
What's what then? It's done.
It's finished, Ed.
It's over.
What? The cow.
Somebody got there first.
Well-You mean, you're not gonna fling the cow now? What's the point, Ed? It's already been flung.
So? So, Ed, how would you like to make Take the Money and Run? Oh, Woody already made- Oh.
Maybe you could fling a pig.
The ironic thing is fire is warmth.
Fire is life.
It gives light, and you can cook things with it.
But it can turn on you.
Look what happened to Maggie.
Yeah, and it stinks too.
You can smell it all over town.
I'm gonna have a conversation with her insurance agent.
I think he's draggin' his heels on this thing.
Her mom kind of did her a favor though.
She never did like that place.
- Said it has no flow.
- What is flow? - I don't know.
- It refers to the juxtaposition of one room to another.
Like, uh, the, uh, kitchen to the dining room.
Maggie doesn't have a dining room.
- Maybe she can get one now.
- Hmm.
Yeah.
Hello, Joel.
We were just talking about Maggie's fire.
Wiped the poor girl out.
Yeah, it's, uh- It's really terrible.
It's just a terrible thing.
Listen, um - You guys know the guy who sweeps the chimney? - Bob? - Yeah, Bob.
- Except he's not Bob.
He's Larry Coe.
- Who's Bob? The golfer, Larry Coe.
You've heard of "Oh, no" Coe, Maurice.
He blew the Masters.
Choked on a putt.
Yeah, golf can be a very frustrating sport.
I remember when I was playing with Aldrin.
I shot an 83- Yeah, l-I'm talkin' about the Masters.
The man blew his whole career.
Maybe he wanted to.
No, I don't think so, Shelly.
Winning's not for everybody, Dr.
Fleischman.
- Some people are happier in the woodwork.
- Or the chimney.
You don't understand.
You don't walk away from golf.
Golf is a- a devotion.
It's a- It's a calling.
Larry Coe was good.
He could have been great.
Now he is- he's sweeping chimneys.
Oh, I don't know, Joel.
A man can get stuck on a thing.
People ought to change careers every couple of decades or so.
Keeps things fresh.
- Yeah.
- I'm talkin' to myself.
Hi, Dr.
Fleischman.
Uh-huh.
Bye, Dr.
Fleischman.
Poor Chris.
He was right in the beam, and now he's lost.
Yeah, I thought I'd heard everything from Stevens.
Now he gets this crackbrained idea about flingin' a cow.
Oh, he-he's not gonna fling the cow now.
- He isn't? - Why not? On account of it's already been flung.
- Without us? - Chris didn't fling the cow.
Monty Python did.
So now Chris is just sittin' there, depressing.
- Seems to be goin' around.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Go away.
Margaret.
I'm still your mother.
I can't look at you, Mother.
l - I can't even talk to you.
I understand, dear.
Mother, do not smile like that.
Do not do that.
Doesn't it feel kind of good? What? You hated that house.
So? So now you can build a new one.
Mother, if anybody's gonna burn my house down, I'll be the one to do it.
In a way, you're lucky.
Lucky? Mm-hmm.
I waited until I was 58 until I burned down my house, and I loved that house.
I wished I'd done it sooner.
Mother, you don't seem to understand.
It's not a question of whether I liked the house or I didn't like the house.
It was my house, Mother.
Mine.
Mother, I am upset.
I am very, very angry! Oh, I know you are.
I thought about it once.
Thought about what? It was at the house on Yorkshire Road.
You must have been two.
You were in the high chair.
We were in the kitchen.
I was standing at the stove, cooking.
You almost burned the house down? You mean, this is some sort of pattern? Well, it was only a little fire.
Really.
Just a potholder.
I put it out almost immediately.
Maggie, don't do what I did.
Don't sit in your house and wait for it to burn down.
Do it now.
Rip it up by the roots.
Blow the lid off.
Go out and meet your life.
Don't wait for it to come to you.
Mother, I live in Alaska.
I fly a plane.
I know you do, dear.
Hey, Larry.
Dr.
Fleischman.
Oh, I, uh, finished your cabin.
Put a wire mesh over the cap.
Should keep it clear.
Have somebody check it out next year though.
Well, can't you do it? Oh, I got a couple of more jobs, and I'm outta here.
Where you goin'? Greenland.
Greenland? You told everybody, didn't you? Well- Bet you even called your friends in New York.
J-Just my friend Bernie and m-my cousin Mickey.
Okay, my roommate from college, but that's it.
You know, I liked it here too.
Liked the job.
Liked the people.
So stay.
I can't stand the look on their faces when they see me comin'.
Pity, dread.
"There but for the grace of God, go I.
" Hey, Larry? What happened? How'd you miss the putt? You want to know what happened? I'll tell you what happened.
I don't know what happened.
So, what're you gonna do? Give back your cows, and, uh, torch your catapult? You got a better idea? I don't believe you, Stevens.
So what if that Python guy flung a cow? You go out and fling a cow.
Hell, fling two or three cows.
You don't understand, Maurice.
Repetition, it's the death of art.
It's been done.
All right then.
Think of something else to fling.
What do you think, inspiration grows on trees, hmm? Like-Like a formula? You put a little in a beaker, stir it up? An artist has to dig down deep in his guts, Maurice, and pull it out, okay? That's hogwash, Stevens.
- Have you ever been to Rome? - Nope.
Well, there's this little place in Rome called the Sistine Chapel.
There was a guy who laid on his back for two and a half years paintin' the ceiling of that place, gettin' paint in his eyes.
Do you think he cried at the first sign of trouble? Hell, no, he didn't.
You remind me of some guys I knew in combat.
Guys that were scared to death- had all the starch taken out of'em.
If you run up on an obstacle, you go through it, you go under it, you go over it, you go around it.
You do not sit on your butt and feel sorry for yourself.
Chris, if you want to feel sorry for yourself, think about Maggie.
That girl is sittin' over there in a pile of rubble.
- She's lost everything.
- Rubble? Yeah.
Scene of total devastation.
Every act of creation's an act of destruction.
Yeah.
Right.
Well, that's what- that's what Picasso said.
All right, whatever.
Look here, Stevens.
Do you think Maggie's gonna take this thing layin' down? Hell, no, she's not gonna take it layin'down.
She's gonna get up, she's gonna dust herself off, and she's gonna build a new life out of those ashes.
- Exactly.
- This art's kind of a girlie thing, Chris, but if you don't want to lose your manhood completely, you can't let this swallow you up.
Now, I want you to go out there and fling something.
You're right.
You're right.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Now-And get a good night's sleep.
And- And you might consider takin' a bath.
It's gettin' a little ripe around here.
- Chris? - Hey.
What are you doin' here? I don't know.
I don't know.
Just here.
Look at this.
My entire life is reduced to cinders.
Pair of shoes.
Shoes? Nice pair.
Green.
Yeah? They're not mine.
They're my mother's.
Can you believe this? My entire life goes up in cinders, and my mother's Ferragamos survive completely intact.
Oh, no.
Oh, my dioramas.
Rick's shrine.
His shrine.
And now he's melted.
And look.
Dave.
He's melted into Rick's head.
Rick's foot is in Bruce's back.
Every man I've ever been involved with is now merged into one big blob.
Can I have that? This? For my catapult.
You wanna fling the blob? No, no.
I want to stick that on the front.
Okay.
Thank you.
You know what, Maggie? I envy you.
You envy me? That's right.
This is beautiful.
Huh? It's like we're standing at the center of some primordial ooze.
Like the world at the dawn of creation.
This is my living room, Chris.
It's not exactly the dawn of creation.
This is what it's all about, Maggie.
Destruction and creation.
The scarred battlefield oflife.
Up from the ashes-whoosh- rises the phoenix.
Up from the skin rises a new snake.
Chris, what are you talking about? - Chris? - There.
Where? - There it is.
- What? My piano? Isn't she magnificent? She? She's a scorched, destroyed Mason and Hamlin that was never- and now will never be- in tune.
You know, you look and you look and it's dark.
You don't know what you're looking for, or if you're going to find it, or even if it exists, and now, all of a sudden- Can I have it? Be my guest.
You made it.
Thanks for comin'.
Yeah.
What's up? Um, I was thinkin' - I feel really bad you're leavin'.
I kind of feel like it's my fault.
It is.
Yeah, I know.
Would you mind comin' with me for a minute? I'm kinda rushed.
I got a couple of houses left to do.
Hey, five minutes, tops.
Please.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Thanks.
It's just- It's just right up here.
Lit a fire in the cabin last night.
Smoke went right up the chimney.
Yeah? Kind of toasty, actually.
Hi, Bob- Larry.
Okay, here we are.
What is this? This is Augusta, Larry.
This is the 18th hole.
You gotta be kiddin'.
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Bear with me.
Have a seat.
Give me two minutes of your time.
That's it.
Just two minutes.
Okay, picture this- It's April, Sunday afternoon.
Sky's blue, dogwoods in bloom.
- Light breeze blowing right to left.
- Left to right.
Okay, good.
Quass just holed out.
Crowd's cheering.
Still your game though, Larry.
Still your game.
Pin is on the far portion of the green, downhill lie.
I read it straight.
Titleist 2.
About right here, Larry? Three feet from the cup? - It's your shot, Larry.
- What is this supposed to be, some sort of psycho-drama? - Exactly.
- You think if I sink the putt, it's all gonna just disappear? Who knows? I think you lost your confidence.
What could it hurt? Come on, Larry.
What do ya got to lose? All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, Larry Coe approaches his lie.
Steps up.
A little practice putt.
He's over the ball nicely now.
He takes his time.
No need to rush.
There's no pressure.
Absolutely no pressure.
Zippo.
Nada.
Okay, here we go.
Concentrating.
He eyes the distance to the cup.
Takes a nice, deep breath.
Lets it out.
Slowly brings back the putter and- Taps it in.
Yeah! Yes, sir! - Congratulations.
- Feel better now? - Much.
- Good.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you? - I'm fine.
The house is lovely.
Maurice has been very generous.
Well, brought you your shoes.
Shoes? Yeah, they're the only thing that survived the fire.
My green pumps.
Well, how do you like that.
I have always sworn by Ferragamos.
Some people don't like this heel.
What do you think? I think they're fine.
I've had these shoes for ages.
I bought them at- at that little shop at the bottom of the hill.
- What's the name of it? - Wayland's.
That's right.
I bought a pair in black, neutral and these.
Good shoes are so important.
Ferragamos, Robert Clergerie.
They cost more, but they last forever.
Mother, I don't care about your Ferragamos! I know.
But I do.
I know I made a mess of things.
But it wasn't on purpose.
Oh, uh, if your brother calls back, tell him I'll call him when I get to Bordeaux.
Bordeaux? France? Yes, France.
I'm going on a Butterfield and Robinson bicycle tour.
We're following the Dordogne River all the way to Breve.
Doesn't it sound fun? Yeah.
But, uh, you know, Mother, you-you could, uh, stick around here for a few days, if you wanted.
Oh.
I'm all booked.
If I don't get there, th- they'll leave without me.
Then what are you gonna do? You mean afterward? I really don't know.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah.
Welcome, everybody.
Welcome.
Thanks for coming today.
I guess you know I've been out here now for some days groping my way along, trying to realize my vision here.
I started concentrating so hard on my vision that, uh, I lost sight.
Come to find out that it's not the vision.
It's not the vision at all.
It's the groping.
It's the groping.
It's the yearning.
It's the moving forward.
I was so fixated on that flying cow that when Ed told me Monty Python already painted that picture, I thought I was through.
I had to let go of that cow so I could see all the other possibilities.
Anyway, I want to thank Maurice for helping me to let go of that cow.
Thank you, Maurice, for playing Apollo to my Dionysus in art's Cartesian dialectic.
And thanks to you, Ed, 'cause the truth shall set us free.
And, Maggie, thank you for sharing in the destruction of your house so that today we can have something to fling.
I think, uh, Kierkegaard said it, oh, so well- "The self is only that which it's in the process of becoming.
" Art, same thing.
James Joyce had something to say about it too.
"Welcome, O life! "I go to encounter for the millionth time the reality of experience "and to forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race.
" We're here today to fling something that bubbled up from the collective unconsciousness of our community.
Ed, you about ready? The thing I learned, folks- this is absolutely key- it's not the thing you fling, it's the fling itself.
This is so cool! Let's fling something, Cicely! One.
Two.
Three.
Neat.
- That's interesting.
- Nice.
Well, I'll be.
Incredible! Yeah.