The A-Team (1983) s03e14 Episode Script
Cup A' Joe
Slater, get out before l call the Sheriff.
l want this place, old man.
[horn honking.]
You just found the A-Team.
[both exclaiming.]
We're going back to the Cup A' Joe.
Hang up the suit.
Put on an apron.
Give me a double delight, hold the mayo.
This time we did them over easy.
Next time, we'll scramble them.
Goodnight, loser breath.
Who are you, pal? Colonel Mylowe, Fifth Armored Bomb Disposal Unit.
l want your best explosive sniffing animal.
[whimpering.]
Now, that is sniffing.
l got the girl and her old lady.
Everything l need to make Joe Dutton sign over the diner.
Slime balls like Slater are tough but we can handle them.
Yeah, l want that truck stopped.
Stand on it, B.
A.
We just decided to remodel the kitchen a bit.
(male narrator) In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find them maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[gun firing.]
Pickup, Patty.
(Skeeter) lf l'm lying, l'm dying, Patty.
[Skeeter laughing.]
So anyway, this big old possum about the size of a Doberman.
He was big.
He come scooting out from underneath the front axle.
l don't know, l guess he was up there where the exhaust is 'cause it's kind of warm up there.
He probably fell asleep, l don't know.
Anyway, he comes scooting out Yeah.
grabbed my cheeseburger and took off.
He takes off like a turpentine cat.
Might near scared me to death.
Biggest darn possum l ever did see in my whole life.
Skeeter, all l can say is, l'm glad you haven't deserted us.
Not in a million years, honey.
You know what l can't figure out? l just can't figure out how that Cactus Jack Slater can get away with this here thing? Come on, Skeeter, he's got a lot of nasty friends.
l guess most people just rather not have any trouble.
They stay away.
He's busted up a couple of rigs.
He has? And put the word out this place is off limits.
How come you folks haven't gone down to Sheriff's office and sworn out a complaint or something? lt's just our word against his.
l don't think a piece of paper is gonna stop someone like Slater, do you? Coffee? We got a special on ham and eggs.
What can l get you? Tell you what l'd like, darling.
l'd like to talk to your mom and dad.
Think you can arrange that for me? Actually, they're kind of busy right now.
ls that so? Oh, what a mess.
Coffee all over the counter.
Why, that's no way to treat a lady.
Why don't you just get out of our restaurant, Slater.
(Skeeter) Why don't you guys just get on out of here like she asked you to? Don't push me.
Now l believe l was asking if l could talk to your mom and dad.
Slater, get out before l call the Sheriff.
And take that trash with you.
l come in here to make you my final offer for this place and what happens? Folks start pointing guns at me.
Get out.
l'm not gonna say it again.
Come on, boys.
l don't think we're welcome here.
[groaning.]
Joe! l'd say you need a little lesson in manners, old man.
Why don't we all pay a little visit to the kitchen? See what these folks have on the menu.
[Joe grunting.]
Look at that.
Your dishes are all blown to hell.
l hear these grills get up to 300 degrees.
l want this place, old man.
l want it real bad.
You're out of business, Joe.
You're closed down.
[[[country music playing.]
l'm not surprised that the A-Team turned us down.
lt was worth a shot though, Skeeter.
lt was either that or sell out to Slater.
Yeah, l guess so.
With Pop in the hospital, we can't fight Slater alone.
Now, it looks like we got to sell.
[sighing.]
l don't get it.
We followed the directions perfectly.
Did exactly what the Chinese man said, and no A-Team.
Yeah, l know, Patty.
But l hear they're real particular about who they work for.
We can't give up.
All right, maybe this one is a dead end but we'll find a way to stop Slater.
What's that? [brakes screeching.]
[birds chirping.]
What happened? There's a rock slide about a quarter mile down the road.
You'll have to take a detour.
lsn't there any way around? Nope.
Not on this road.
Nice truck they got there hauling a big load of juicy, red apples.
Well congratulations, Miss Dutton.
You just found the A-Team.
[both exclaiming.]
We had to be sure you weren't hauling anything except apples.
And not a bunch of military police.
But l thought that-- Well, you can't be too careful.
Oh, lordy be, l can't believe this.
l'll be a cat's tail tied to a string of firecrackers.
Are you guys really the A-Team? We found the A-Team? All my friends call me Skeeter.
lt's 'cause l'm so quick.
l sure am glad to meet you.
l'm Hannibal Smith.
Hello.
This is B.
A.
Baracus.
Oh.
That's Faceman and Murdock's reading the cookbook.
You tell me if l'm right or wrong now.
A tray of Rock Cornish Game Hens should be basted every 25 minutes until they are a golden brown, right? We can talk about the stuffing later.
He heard you ran a diner.
Now, you told Mr.
Lee that some cowboy is trying to run you out of business? Cactus Jack Slater.
He owns a string of coffee shops along the lnterstate.
Stale bread, lousy burgers, cold coffee.
Sounds like he should open an airline.
lf you've just got a small family business what would make someone like Slater be willing to put up the money to buy you out? We can't figure it.
God knows we're not getting rich at it.
Whatever reason Slater has for wanting to take over our diner, he means to.
He's scared away most of our regulars and put my father in the hospital.
Well, slime balls like Slater are tough but we can handle them.
l don't think we can afford to hire you, Mr.
Smith.
Well, your daughter already gave us $10,000, ma'am.
Patty, that's your life savings.
lt's nothing without you and Dad having a place of your own to work and live.
Our diner is all we have.
l just can't believe this.
lmagine me standing around jawing with the A-Team.
Well, first thing we have to do is take a look at your place.
So, let's all mount up and move out.
Okay? l've seen worse, Hannibal.
Give me a couple of hours and some tools get rid of Murdock, and l'll have this place looking like new.
Man, l am telling you.
l mean, here l am reading up on how to prepare food so that we can run this diner properly and that's the thanks l get.
[imitating B.
A.
.]
''Get rid of Murdock.
'' Okay, then.
You take care of the food and l'll handle the mechanical stuff.
Right, right.
Look at you, skinny as a rail.
Looks like you could use some good home cooking.
No, you don't.
Save your appetite for dinner.
(Patty) We have a problem.
Our next delivery isn't till the end of the week.
Well, what do you need? Excuse me, Colonel.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Since l'm sort of captain of the galley l took responsibility upon myself to make up a list of the things that we need.
[French accent.]
lt is the only way that Chef Murdock can create culinary wonders that titillate the palate.
Right.
Now, would you give us a rundown on Slater's operation? He's got three diners.
One over here on l-Five another one on the other side of the junction and one just outside of Barstow.
He has an office in his main warehouse about 30 miles south of here over in East County.
Face, we're gonna need a picture of one of Slater's trucks.
Right.
And Skeeter, l'd like to borrow your rig.
What're you gonna do? Grocery shopping.
(Murdock) Well, it's a little loud for my tastes, Colonel.
But l do like the home cooking aspect.
lt sort of suits my style.
[French accent.]
Wait till you see the recipes that chef Murdock is going to pull from his secret file.
What? Eggs over easy? No, no, no, no, no.
We're going to hash a little trash, after mash.
We're gonna add a little spice make it real nice.
Turn up the heat, get ready to eat.
You're gonna eat this if you don't shut up.
Now we got the truck.
Now all we have to do is stop theirs.
Yeah, how we gonna do that? Face, you will think of a way.
Thanks for stopping.
l didn't know what to do.
[birds chirping.]
What's the matter? She just died.
You think maybe it could be something electrical? l was meaning to get a tune up.
How's it look, B.
A.
? The fool is under the truck.
l hope he know what he's doing.
Well, you might be surprised at what old Murdock knows.
Now l get the feeling more and more that his brain works on many different levels.
Like layers, peeling away one after the other, exposing new and wondrous aspects of H.
M.
Murdock.
That's very poetic, Face.
l thought so.
Poetic? You mean pathetic.
You peel off Murdock's brain, you get nothing but Jell-O.
He thinks he's a French chef.
He's gonna poison us with his cooking.
Now B.
A.
, where's your sense of adventure? Well, could be your regulator shorted out a couple of fuses.
But l got a schedule to keep.
ls he done yet? Yeah, here the fool come.
Hurry up.
Voila! [French accent.]
l have taken the vavoom out of the locomotion.
[normal accent.]
ln other words, that truck is ain't, like going nowhere.
You know what l mean, Colonel? l mean, it is a stone gathering no moss.
Catch my drift? B.
A.
, let's go do some shopping.
Next gas station l pass, l'll send a tow truck back for you.
[engine cranking.]
Can you believe this? What's wrong? lt was running fine.
l just had this baby worked on.
Where you going? Got to pick up a load for the Barstow diner.
Okay, pull it on through.
Let's get it loaded.
Check, limas.
Check, apple sauce.
Check.
Got your coffee.
Check.
Murdock, we really could use a hand out there.
l'll be with you in a minute, Colonel.
l just got to inventory these babies here.
Peaches, check.
Murdock? You wanna trade jobs? No, l wouldn't, thank you.
Oatmeal, check.
Peanuts.
B.
A.
, you ain't seen a box outside marked roasted peanuts, have you? l hate to use parsley as a garnish on my omelets.
You know what l mean? l mean, every old coffee shop you stop at uses parsley.
Right next to that little, thin slice of orange that they're on.
l thought l'd try something different.
With peanuts, you got your shape, you got your texture.
You look good eating peanuts.
You'd look good eating peanuts.
They look good right next to those limas.
Don't you think so? Shut up, fool! We got enough nuts around here.
lf you don't get out there and start lifting some things l'm gonna turn you and baste you till you're black and blue.
Now, come on now.
Go.
B.
A that was inspirational.
We expecting a truck this afternoon? Yeah, but it was supposed to be Daly.
l don't recognize those guys.
What the hell's going on out there? Hey! (Hannibal) Let's get out of here.
l wanna talk to you guys.
Get me the main gate.
[phone ringing.]
Front gate.
Yeah, l want that truck stopped.
Yes, sir, Mr.
Slater.
He wants us to hold that truck.
Stand on it, B.
A.
[horn honking.]
Hi, Warren Havinhurst of Mutual Home lnsurance.
All right, go ahead.
(Slater) Some guys painted my logo on the side of a truck.
Well, l don't understand it.
Well, if l'm going to settle this claim l have to have all the facts.
And who the hell are you? Warren Havinhurst, Claims Adjuster, Mutual Home lnsurance.
Boy, you know, it's a good thing l was in the area when my office called.
You see, l was scheduled to drive up to Bakersfield, but well, l managed to rearrange my schedule and get over here as soon as l could.
l didn't call any insurance company.
Yeah.
Well, somebody in your office probably did and it's a good thing, too.
What's he doing going through all these files? He was just looking at the new shopping center.
Oh, l see you're building yourself quite a little complex.
Now, Mr.
Slater, my company happens to have an all inclusive commercial insurance-- l want you to put these files back right away.
Now, look l told you l didn't call any Claims Adjuster.
You didn't? Oh, man! Look, l'm terribly sorry.
There must be some mistake.
l.
My secretary must have given me the wrong address.
l.
Here's a little something our office is giving out.
Here.
l got to make another call.
Some guy backed a car through a garage right into his swimming pool.
Unbelievable, huh? Right.
Well, good luck with your business.
Excuse me.
All right.
Get the rest of the boys.
We're going back to the Cup A' Joe.
lf those guys think some hamburger patties and a couple of cans of beans can put them back in business, they're crazy.
[people chattering.]
You get 86.
A hot hamburger double D.
[sizzling.]
All right, all right.
l'm working on the side here.
Give me a double delight, hold the mayo.
Give me two eyes, over and a stack of nuts.
l need a moose.
And give a mash with that, okay? Two dogs, burn them and one moo cow, hold the straw.
Can l get a side of skins, too? [birds chirping.]
How'd it go? Like a charm.
And you'll be interested in this.
ln Slater's office, l found the blueprints to a new shopping center.
Diner, motels, boutiques, the whole ball of wax.
And guess what? The proposed location same address as Cup A' Joe Diner.
Hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Now why would he wanna put the money into a shopping center out here? l don't know, but you got to admit it's a pretty central location.
The nearest interstate is ten miles.
All you get is local traffic here.
Anyway, hang up the suit.
Put on an apron.
Uh.
l was afraid you were going to forget about us.
Forget about you? Me? Never.
Could you put the cups behind the counter? Actually, l prefer crystal.
And candlelight? You read my mind.
Now read mine.
Cups.
Right.
What is this? What is this, man? Look at that.
Does this look like Now, l told you l need 100% ground sirloin for the Murdock Double Cheeseburger Deluxe.
l gotta have lean meat.
You know that.
One other thing that microwave, it's gotta go.
l'm not gonna have my food heated and reheated in that thing.
All of my food is gonna be sauteed or pan fried.
Yeah.
l'm gonna pan fry you.
You don't know how to cook.
All you're gonna do is poison the people out there.
That's not true, man.
l got my cookbook.
Where is it? That's the type of cookbook they use to feed crazy people like you.
Stop talking, there it is.
lt's got great recipes with lots of vitamins in them.
Where are my pages? Where are my pages? [screaming.]
Okay, guys, stand by.
Slater and his hot dogs will be by any time now.
With the hash l'm slinging, this place is gonna be cooking.
ln fact, l'm thinking of renaming this place.
lnstead of Cup A' Joe, l'm gonna call it Krakatoa, Cup A' Java.
[grunting.]
You see that billboard, Bowers? ''Free Lunch at Cup A' Joe's.
'' Look at that.
Taunting me.
They're dead.
Well, how are we doing? l've never seen it so busy before in my life.
lt pays to advertise.
Especially when Slater is paying the bill.
Let's just hope that they come back when the food isn't free.
All right.
Now when l walk out of here, l want these guys left in pieces.
Let's do it.
[car door slamming.]
All right, l got three sunny sides here.
Here's your BLT with the extra mayo and l got five burgers browning on the grill.
Well, would you look at this.
You know, if you didn't know better you'd walk in here and think this place had a future.
lt's got a future.
ls that so? Who are you, pal? One, l'm not your pal and two, you probably didn't notice but there's a sign out front that says the management gets to refuse service to anyone.
Well, you're anyone.
(B.
A.
) That's right, sucker.
lf you got a problem with that, take it up with me.
Problem? l'll show you what a problem is.
[grunts.]
[dishes clattering.]
[groans.]
No, that's all right, folks, nothing to worry about.
We just decided to remodel the kitchen a bit.
[thudding.]
Enjoy your meal.
[French accent.]
lt's not a polite thing to interrupt an artist at work.
[clanging.]
lt's been fun.
More importantly, it's been educational.
l never thought l'd see the day when Cactus Jack Slater and his boys were sent packing like that.
This time we did them over easy.
Next time, we'll scramble them.
[birds chirping.]
[sizzling.]
You need a special touch to keep these fellas from overcooking 'cause what we're talking about is a light, golden brown and it's all in the timing.
That special ability to sense the split second that these little muchachos reach the critical temperature, which is 192.
5 degrees.
Otherwise, what you're talking about is plaster of Paris and then breaking the teeth.
You know, Murdock, you'd make somebody an excellent wife.
[people chattering.]
Have you seen my paprika? l need my paprika.
l'm out of paprika.
ls that bad? l'm ruined.
Without my paprika, l can't powder my macaroni salad.
Without paprika l can't season my hash browns.
Without paprika l can't serve my eggs.
Without paprika-- All right, all right, all right Murdock, l get the point.
Could you do me a favor? Could you go out and ask B.
A.
to rummage around in them cartons out there and see if he can find any paprika? You want me to go out and ask B.
A.
for paprika? Remember that girl you had me call? (both) Paprika.
B.
A.
, Murdock says he needs some paprika for the old hash browns.
Paprika? Yeah, look under spices.
Yeah, you know l've been in there giving Murdock a hand.
You know, just the two of us, hovering over the grill, side by side.
And l gotta tell you, he's very impressive.
Yeah, you ought to give him a chance.
l ain't getting along with nobody.
Especially Murdock.
l'm just tolerating him to keep the diner open.
But the fool is driving me crazy.
Asking for this, asking for that flipping omelets, turning bacon, and slapping burgers.
Fool think he's the Galloping Gourmet.
Well, l don't know, B.
A.
You know you might learn a little something from Murdock.
l mean, you gotta admit, those crepes this morning he made for breakfast they weren't half bad.
l mean, l even had seconds.
Yeah, they reminded me of the ones Susie used to make.
You're talking scared, Harry.
l don't like that.
Sure, l'm scared.
Wouldn't you be? You said you'd have that diner by this time and you said there'd be no problems.
That's the only reason l got involved in this.
Wrong, Kaplan.
When you changed the blueprints and put in an off ramp by the Cup A' Joe you knew it would turn into a goldmine.
That's why you got involved in this.
All right, what about these guys Dutton's hired? They could ruin everything.
They won't.
They had their punch, now it's my turn.
What do you mean? l know a couple of boys in demolition.
l'm gonna arrange a little surprise for these guys.
(Slater) A surprise that goes boom.
Man, it sounds like this guy's coming back to blow us up.
A pleasant thought.
[French accent.]
lf there's going to be a souffle that goes boom someone should tell this guy the A-Team will make it.
l'll second that, Murdock.
The only way to guard against explosives is to get to them before they go off.
And how're we gonna do that if we don't know where they are? You get an explosives detector.
[tires screeching.]
(Face) ls this the right outfit, Murdock? (Murdock) l don't know.
l feel like l've seen myself before.
l feel strangely cold.
[typewriter clacking.]
Col.
Mylowe, Fifth Armored Bomb Disposal Unit.
Sir.
l want your best explosive sniffing animal and l want him now.
Does the Colonel have written authority for such a request? Soldier, are we gonna stand here and argue over a piece of paper when hundreds of lives are on the line? l don't understand, sir.
You don't understand.
l hate to break security.
l believe, Colonel, in this instance that security is not an essential factor.
Right.
Soldier, what l'm about to tell you is highly classified and intended for your ears only.
ls that clear? Yes, sir.
Somehow, someone, or some highly organized group of individuals has managed to plant a bomb in the Hungarian Ambassador's residence.
lf that bomb is not dismantled, soldier we are talking Hungarian goulash.
We have less than 60 minutes to find and defuse that device.
Now, Sgt.
Murdock here has already begun the search but unfortunately, his canine explosives detector was killed in the line of duty.
What was his name? Leader.
lmon, the Leader.
He was on the force for 13 years.
He was sniffing petunias when suddenly ka-boom! Dead dog.
Last thing he said to me was.
[barking.]
Now, Sergeant, we're running out of valuable time here.
Yes, sir.
This is Sgt.
Burlow.
Send over Shotgun, on the double.
[whimpering.]
Listen, Shotgun you're not giving me 100%.
Now listen to this.
[sniffing.]
That is sniffing.
You hear? Listen again.
[Murdock sniffing.]
That's sniffing.
You're acting like you're looking for trash.
We're talking about explosives here.
All right, turn around.
See this dude here? See that dude in the gold? Well, you just remember this lf you don't do your job, he invented Shepherd's Pie.
The fool gonna make that dog crazy like him.
Oh, l don't know.
Murdock's got a way with animals.
Yeah, you right.
They're the only ones that understand him.
Colonel, looks like these guys came in with more than just an appetite.
Get that dog on them.
Yeah, right.
Come along, Shotgun.
Come on.
Here we go.
Do your job, boy.
Sniff.
[whimpering.]
Ain't there health laws about having a dog in here? Depends on whose health you're talking about.
[Shotgun barking.]
Put your hands up.
Move over there.
All right, now what's in the lunch box? You guys are crazy.
Oh, yeah.
lt's gelignite, Hannibal.
lt's a decoy.
[Shotgun barking.]
B.
A.
, look at that dog outside.
Murdock, keep them covered.
Come on, B.
A.
There's explosives in that truck.
Where's he going with that truck? Only as far as he has to.
Come on.
(Murdock) l'm a failure.
Murdock.
What happened? l'm a failure, man, l don't know.
lt's all right, we understand.
l got hit from the blind side, l don't know.
[phone ringing.]
Yeah? Howdy.
l got the girl and her old lady.
Everything I need to make Joe Dutton sign over the diner.
Now, if you wanna see them breathing again take a hike.
That was Slater.
He's got Edith and Patty.
l'm sorry.
Slater doesn't get the diner until he gets Joe Dutton to sign over the papers on it.
Yeah, well, l hate to admit it, Hannibal but it looks to me like Slater is holding four aces.
And that's a hard hand to beat, Hannibal.
Not if you draw into a straight flush, Sergeant.
[birds chirping.]
You talked to your wife and kid on the phone.
lf you want to see them in one piece, you'll sign right on the line.
Mr.
Slater? lt's Bowers.
Dutton just signed the papers.
All right, now listen.
Take care of Dutton, then meet us back here.
You just retired from the diner business.
Permanently.
Speaking about retirement l figure you're both worth about 20 years.
[van engine starting.]
These gentlemen are going to tell us where Slater took Patty and her mother.
And Slater's not going anywhere without this paper l signed.
This gives us plenty of time to build him a big surprise.
Right on.
Well, what do you think, B.
A.
? Give me about a half an hour, l'll have it back on the road.
A half an hour? Yeah, l agree with the big guy, Colonel.
l mean, a roast may look burned on the outside but inside it's medium rare.
Medium rare? Food, food.
l'm talking about food.
Well, guys, what do you say we pay them a visit? Well when Bowers gets back here with that piece of paper your old man signed the Cup A' Joe is mine.
You'll never get away with this, Slater.
My daughter's right.
Someone will go for help.
ls that right? Who? By now, Joe Dutton is history.
And those four cowboys you hired guys with machine guns don't go to the police.
Tillis take these two ladies out of here and get rid of them.
[horn honking.]
How are you two? Fine.
My father? He's fine.
We've moved him to another room in the hospital.
The original Cactus Jack's.
You know, Hannibal, l want to remember it just as it is.
Yeah.
lt does have a certain ambiance.
[birds chirping.]
This is great.
Terrific.
Well, it feels good to be home.
We sure owe you a lot, Mr.
Smith.
l was beginning to like the restaurant business.
Learned a lot of new recipes.
Recipes? l don't understand.
Well, like the one we just finished, Jailhouse Stew.
You got Slater, a crooked county surveyor, add six hoodlums you put them in the slammer and simmer them for 20 years.
[both laughing.]
Candlelight and crystal, remember? How could l forget? Just promise me no coffee shops, okay? You got it.
Oh, by the way, before l forget.
There's your change.
What? Yeah.
What's this? Well, this is the receipt here, you see.
You had four team members for 48 hours you had three Mini-1 4s at $100 a day rental, miscellaneous ammo and one cookbook to replace the cookbook that Murdock lost in the line of duty.
And, well, that comes to $3,650.
Rounded off.
Now, you subtract that from the $10,000 deposit and that leaves $6,350 returned to you.
(Murdock) B.
A.
, this is not the way to do it.
Be cool, man.
l know what l'm doing.
Chili is a delicate balance of beans, meat and of herbs.
Everything must be in their proper proportion.
Quiet, let me cook.
l call this B.
A.
's chili.
[bubbling.]
Well, what do you think? lt's not bad.
ln fact, it's pretty good.
lt's also pretty hot.
[burps.]
l want this place, old man.
[horn honking.]
You just found the A-Team.
[both exclaiming.]
We're going back to the Cup A' Joe.
Hang up the suit.
Put on an apron.
Give me a double delight, hold the mayo.
This time we did them over easy.
Next time, we'll scramble them.
Goodnight, loser breath.
Who are you, pal? Colonel Mylowe, Fifth Armored Bomb Disposal Unit.
l want your best explosive sniffing animal.
[whimpering.]
Now, that is sniffing.
l got the girl and her old lady.
Everything l need to make Joe Dutton sign over the diner.
Slime balls like Slater are tough but we can handle them.
Yeah, l want that truck stopped.
Stand on it, B.
A.
We just decided to remodel the kitchen a bit.
(male narrator) In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find them maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[gun firing.]
Pickup, Patty.
(Skeeter) lf l'm lying, l'm dying, Patty.
[Skeeter laughing.]
So anyway, this big old possum about the size of a Doberman.
He was big.
He come scooting out from underneath the front axle.
l don't know, l guess he was up there where the exhaust is 'cause it's kind of warm up there.
He probably fell asleep, l don't know.
Anyway, he comes scooting out Yeah.
grabbed my cheeseburger and took off.
He takes off like a turpentine cat.
Might near scared me to death.
Biggest darn possum l ever did see in my whole life.
Skeeter, all l can say is, l'm glad you haven't deserted us.
Not in a million years, honey.
You know what l can't figure out? l just can't figure out how that Cactus Jack Slater can get away with this here thing? Come on, Skeeter, he's got a lot of nasty friends.
l guess most people just rather not have any trouble.
They stay away.
He's busted up a couple of rigs.
He has? And put the word out this place is off limits.
How come you folks haven't gone down to Sheriff's office and sworn out a complaint or something? lt's just our word against his.
l don't think a piece of paper is gonna stop someone like Slater, do you? Coffee? We got a special on ham and eggs.
What can l get you? Tell you what l'd like, darling.
l'd like to talk to your mom and dad.
Think you can arrange that for me? Actually, they're kind of busy right now.
ls that so? Oh, what a mess.
Coffee all over the counter.
Why, that's no way to treat a lady.
Why don't you just get out of our restaurant, Slater.
(Skeeter) Why don't you guys just get on out of here like she asked you to? Don't push me.
Now l believe l was asking if l could talk to your mom and dad.
Slater, get out before l call the Sheriff.
And take that trash with you.
l come in here to make you my final offer for this place and what happens? Folks start pointing guns at me.
Get out.
l'm not gonna say it again.
Come on, boys.
l don't think we're welcome here.
[groaning.]
Joe! l'd say you need a little lesson in manners, old man.
Why don't we all pay a little visit to the kitchen? See what these folks have on the menu.
[Joe grunting.]
Look at that.
Your dishes are all blown to hell.
l hear these grills get up to 300 degrees.
l want this place, old man.
l want it real bad.
You're out of business, Joe.
You're closed down.
[[[country music playing.]
l'm not surprised that the A-Team turned us down.
lt was worth a shot though, Skeeter.
lt was either that or sell out to Slater.
Yeah, l guess so.
With Pop in the hospital, we can't fight Slater alone.
Now, it looks like we got to sell.
[sighing.]
l don't get it.
We followed the directions perfectly.
Did exactly what the Chinese man said, and no A-Team.
Yeah, l know, Patty.
But l hear they're real particular about who they work for.
We can't give up.
All right, maybe this one is a dead end but we'll find a way to stop Slater.
What's that? [brakes screeching.]
[birds chirping.]
What happened? There's a rock slide about a quarter mile down the road.
You'll have to take a detour.
lsn't there any way around? Nope.
Not on this road.
Nice truck they got there hauling a big load of juicy, red apples.
Well congratulations, Miss Dutton.
You just found the A-Team.
[both exclaiming.]
We had to be sure you weren't hauling anything except apples.
And not a bunch of military police.
But l thought that-- Well, you can't be too careful.
Oh, lordy be, l can't believe this.
l'll be a cat's tail tied to a string of firecrackers.
Are you guys really the A-Team? We found the A-Team? All my friends call me Skeeter.
lt's 'cause l'm so quick.
l sure am glad to meet you.
l'm Hannibal Smith.
Hello.
This is B.
A.
Baracus.
Oh.
That's Faceman and Murdock's reading the cookbook.
You tell me if l'm right or wrong now.
A tray of Rock Cornish Game Hens should be basted every 25 minutes until they are a golden brown, right? We can talk about the stuffing later.
He heard you ran a diner.
Now, you told Mr.
Lee that some cowboy is trying to run you out of business? Cactus Jack Slater.
He owns a string of coffee shops along the lnterstate.
Stale bread, lousy burgers, cold coffee.
Sounds like he should open an airline.
lf you've just got a small family business what would make someone like Slater be willing to put up the money to buy you out? We can't figure it.
God knows we're not getting rich at it.
Whatever reason Slater has for wanting to take over our diner, he means to.
He's scared away most of our regulars and put my father in the hospital.
Well, slime balls like Slater are tough but we can handle them.
l don't think we can afford to hire you, Mr.
Smith.
Well, your daughter already gave us $10,000, ma'am.
Patty, that's your life savings.
lt's nothing without you and Dad having a place of your own to work and live.
Our diner is all we have.
l just can't believe this.
lmagine me standing around jawing with the A-Team.
Well, first thing we have to do is take a look at your place.
So, let's all mount up and move out.
Okay? l've seen worse, Hannibal.
Give me a couple of hours and some tools get rid of Murdock, and l'll have this place looking like new.
Man, l am telling you.
l mean, here l am reading up on how to prepare food so that we can run this diner properly and that's the thanks l get.
[imitating B.
A.
.]
''Get rid of Murdock.
'' Okay, then.
You take care of the food and l'll handle the mechanical stuff.
Right, right.
Look at you, skinny as a rail.
Looks like you could use some good home cooking.
No, you don't.
Save your appetite for dinner.
(Patty) We have a problem.
Our next delivery isn't till the end of the week.
Well, what do you need? Excuse me, Colonel.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Since l'm sort of captain of the galley l took responsibility upon myself to make up a list of the things that we need.
[French accent.]
lt is the only way that Chef Murdock can create culinary wonders that titillate the palate.
Right.
Now, would you give us a rundown on Slater's operation? He's got three diners.
One over here on l-Five another one on the other side of the junction and one just outside of Barstow.
He has an office in his main warehouse about 30 miles south of here over in East County.
Face, we're gonna need a picture of one of Slater's trucks.
Right.
And Skeeter, l'd like to borrow your rig.
What're you gonna do? Grocery shopping.
(Murdock) Well, it's a little loud for my tastes, Colonel.
But l do like the home cooking aspect.
lt sort of suits my style.
[French accent.]
Wait till you see the recipes that chef Murdock is going to pull from his secret file.
What? Eggs over easy? No, no, no, no, no.
We're going to hash a little trash, after mash.
We're gonna add a little spice make it real nice.
Turn up the heat, get ready to eat.
You're gonna eat this if you don't shut up.
Now we got the truck.
Now all we have to do is stop theirs.
Yeah, how we gonna do that? Face, you will think of a way.
Thanks for stopping.
l didn't know what to do.
[birds chirping.]
What's the matter? She just died.
You think maybe it could be something electrical? l was meaning to get a tune up.
How's it look, B.
A.
? The fool is under the truck.
l hope he know what he's doing.
Well, you might be surprised at what old Murdock knows.
Now l get the feeling more and more that his brain works on many different levels.
Like layers, peeling away one after the other, exposing new and wondrous aspects of H.
M.
Murdock.
That's very poetic, Face.
l thought so.
Poetic? You mean pathetic.
You peel off Murdock's brain, you get nothing but Jell-O.
He thinks he's a French chef.
He's gonna poison us with his cooking.
Now B.
A.
, where's your sense of adventure? Well, could be your regulator shorted out a couple of fuses.
But l got a schedule to keep.
ls he done yet? Yeah, here the fool come.
Hurry up.
Voila! [French accent.]
l have taken the vavoom out of the locomotion.
[normal accent.]
ln other words, that truck is ain't, like going nowhere.
You know what l mean, Colonel? l mean, it is a stone gathering no moss.
Catch my drift? B.
A.
, let's go do some shopping.
Next gas station l pass, l'll send a tow truck back for you.
[engine cranking.]
Can you believe this? What's wrong? lt was running fine.
l just had this baby worked on.
Where you going? Got to pick up a load for the Barstow diner.
Okay, pull it on through.
Let's get it loaded.
Check, limas.
Check, apple sauce.
Check.
Got your coffee.
Check.
Murdock, we really could use a hand out there.
l'll be with you in a minute, Colonel.
l just got to inventory these babies here.
Peaches, check.
Murdock? You wanna trade jobs? No, l wouldn't, thank you.
Oatmeal, check.
Peanuts.
B.
A.
, you ain't seen a box outside marked roasted peanuts, have you? l hate to use parsley as a garnish on my omelets.
You know what l mean? l mean, every old coffee shop you stop at uses parsley.
Right next to that little, thin slice of orange that they're on.
l thought l'd try something different.
With peanuts, you got your shape, you got your texture.
You look good eating peanuts.
You'd look good eating peanuts.
They look good right next to those limas.
Don't you think so? Shut up, fool! We got enough nuts around here.
lf you don't get out there and start lifting some things l'm gonna turn you and baste you till you're black and blue.
Now, come on now.
Go.
B.
A that was inspirational.
We expecting a truck this afternoon? Yeah, but it was supposed to be Daly.
l don't recognize those guys.
What the hell's going on out there? Hey! (Hannibal) Let's get out of here.
l wanna talk to you guys.
Get me the main gate.
[phone ringing.]
Front gate.
Yeah, l want that truck stopped.
Yes, sir, Mr.
Slater.
He wants us to hold that truck.
Stand on it, B.
A.
[horn honking.]
Hi, Warren Havinhurst of Mutual Home lnsurance.
All right, go ahead.
(Slater) Some guys painted my logo on the side of a truck.
Well, l don't understand it.
Well, if l'm going to settle this claim l have to have all the facts.
And who the hell are you? Warren Havinhurst, Claims Adjuster, Mutual Home lnsurance.
Boy, you know, it's a good thing l was in the area when my office called.
You see, l was scheduled to drive up to Bakersfield, but well, l managed to rearrange my schedule and get over here as soon as l could.
l didn't call any insurance company.
Yeah.
Well, somebody in your office probably did and it's a good thing, too.
What's he doing going through all these files? He was just looking at the new shopping center.
Oh, l see you're building yourself quite a little complex.
Now, Mr.
Slater, my company happens to have an all inclusive commercial insurance-- l want you to put these files back right away.
Now, look l told you l didn't call any Claims Adjuster.
You didn't? Oh, man! Look, l'm terribly sorry.
There must be some mistake.
l.
My secretary must have given me the wrong address.
l.
Here's a little something our office is giving out.
Here.
l got to make another call.
Some guy backed a car through a garage right into his swimming pool.
Unbelievable, huh? Right.
Well, good luck with your business.
Excuse me.
All right.
Get the rest of the boys.
We're going back to the Cup A' Joe.
lf those guys think some hamburger patties and a couple of cans of beans can put them back in business, they're crazy.
[people chattering.]
You get 86.
A hot hamburger double D.
[sizzling.]
All right, all right.
l'm working on the side here.
Give me a double delight, hold the mayo.
Give me two eyes, over and a stack of nuts.
l need a moose.
And give a mash with that, okay? Two dogs, burn them and one moo cow, hold the straw.
Can l get a side of skins, too? [birds chirping.]
How'd it go? Like a charm.
And you'll be interested in this.
ln Slater's office, l found the blueprints to a new shopping center.
Diner, motels, boutiques, the whole ball of wax.
And guess what? The proposed location same address as Cup A' Joe Diner.
Hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
Now why would he wanna put the money into a shopping center out here? l don't know, but you got to admit it's a pretty central location.
The nearest interstate is ten miles.
All you get is local traffic here.
Anyway, hang up the suit.
Put on an apron.
Uh.
l was afraid you were going to forget about us.
Forget about you? Me? Never.
Could you put the cups behind the counter? Actually, l prefer crystal.
And candlelight? You read my mind.
Now read mine.
Cups.
Right.
What is this? What is this, man? Look at that.
Does this look like Now, l told you l need 100% ground sirloin for the Murdock Double Cheeseburger Deluxe.
l gotta have lean meat.
You know that.
One other thing that microwave, it's gotta go.
l'm not gonna have my food heated and reheated in that thing.
All of my food is gonna be sauteed or pan fried.
Yeah.
l'm gonna pan fry you.
You don't know how to cook.
All you're gonna do is poison the people out there.
That's not true, man.
l got my cookbook.
Where is it? That's the type of cookbook they use to feed crazy people like you.
Stop talking, there it is.
lt's got great recipes with lots of vitamins in them.
Where are my pages? Where are my pages? [screaming.]
Okay, guys, stand by.
Slater and his hot dogs will be by any time now.
With the hash l'm slinging, this place is gonna be cooking.
ln fact, l'm thinking of renaming this place.
lnstead of Cup A' Joe, l'm gonna call it Krakatoa, Cup A' Java.
[grunting.]
You see that billboard, Bowers? ''Free Lunch at Cup A' Joe's.
'' Look at that.
Taunting me.
They're dead.
Well, how are we doing? l've never seen it so busy before in my life.
lt pays to advertise.
Especially when Slater is paying the bill.
Let's just hope that they come back when the food isn't free.
All right.
Now when l walk out of here, l want these guys left in pieces.
Let's do it.
[car door slamming.]
All right, l got three sunny sides here.
Here's your BLT with the extra mayo and l got five burgers browning on the grill.
Well, would you look at this.
You know, if you didn't know better you'd walk in here and think this place had a future.
lt's got a future.
ls that so? Who are you, pal? One, l'm not your pal and two, you probably didn't notice but there's a sign out front that says the management gets to refuse service to anyone.
Well, you're anyone.
(B.
A.
) That's right, sucker.
lf you got a problem with that, take it up with me.
Problem? l'll show you what a problem is.
[grunts.]
[dishes clattering.]
[groans.]
No, that's all right, folks, nothing to worry about.
We just decided to remodel the kitchen a bit.
[thudding.]
Enjoy your meal.
[French accent.]
lt's not a polite thing to interrupt an artist at work.
[clanging.]
lt's been fun.
More importantly, it's been educational.
l never thought l'd see the day when Cactus Jack Slater and his boys were sent packing like that.
This time we did them over easy.
Next time, we'll scramble them.
[birds chirping.]
[sizzling.]
You need a special touch to keep these fellas from overcooking 'cause what we're talking about is a light, golden brown and it's all in the timing.
That special ability to sense the split second that these little muchachos reach the critical temperature, which is 192.
5 degrees.
Otherwise, what you're talking about is plaster of Paris and then breaking the teeth.
You know, Murdock, you'd make somebody an excellent wife.
[people chattering.]
Have you seen my paprika? l need my paprika.
l'm out of paprika.
ls that bad? l'm ruined.
Without my paprika, l can't powder my macaroni salad.
Without paprika l can't season my hash browns.
Without paprika l can't serve my eggs.
Without paprika-- All right, all right, all right Murdock, l get the point.
Could you do me a favor? Could you go out and ask B.
A.
to rummage around in them cartons out there and see if he can find any paprika? You want me to go out and ask B.
A.
for paprika? Remember that girl you had me call? (both) Paprika.
B.
A.
, Murdock says he needs some paprika for the old hash browns.
Paprika? Yeah, look under spices.
Yeah, you know l've been in there giving Murdock a hand.
You know, just the two of us, hovering over the grill, side by side.
And l gotta tell you, he's very impressive.
Yeah, you ought to give him a chance.
l ain't getting along with nobody.
Especially Murdock.
l'm just tolerating him to keep the diner open.
But the fool is driving me crazy.
Asking for this, asking for that flipping omelets, turning bacon, and slapping burgers.
Fool think he's the Galloping Gourmet.
Well, l don't know, B.
A.
You know you might learn a little something from Murdock.
l mean, you gotta admit, those crepes this morning he made for breakfast they weren't half bad.
l mean, l even had seconds.
Yeah, they reminded me of the ones Susie used to make.
You're talking scared, Harry.
l don't like that.
Sure, l'm scared.
Wouldn't you be? You said you'd have that diner by this time and you said there'd be no problems.
That's the only reason l got involved in this.
Wrong, Kaplan.
When you changed the blueprints and put in an off ramp by the Cup A' Joe you knew it would turn into a goldmine.
That's why you got involved in this.
All right, what about these guys Dutton's hired? They could ruin everything.
They won't.
They had their punch, now it's my turn.
What do you mean? l know a couple of boys in demolition.
l'm gonna arrange a little surprise for these guys.
(Slater) A surprise that goes boom.
Man, it sounds like this guy's coming back to blow us up.
A pleasant thought.
[French accent.]
lf there's going to be a souffle that goes boom someone should tell this guy the A-Team will make it.
l'll second that, Murdock.
The only way to guard against explosives is to get to them before they go off.
And how're we gonna do that if we don't know where they are? You get an explosives detector.
[tires screeching.]
(Face) ls this the right outfit, Murdock? (Murdock) l don't know.
l feel like l've seen myself before.
l feel strangely cold.
[typewriter clacking.]
Col.
Mylowe, Fifth Armored Bomb Disposal Unit.
Sir.
l want your best explosive sniffing animal and l want him now.
Does the Colonel have written authority for such a request? Soldier, are we gonna stand here and argue over a piece of paper when hundreds of lives are on the line? l don't understand, sir.
You don't understand.
l hate to break security.
l believe, Colonel, in this instance that security is not an essential factor.
Right.
Soldier, what l'm about to tell you is highly classified and intended for your ears only.
ls that clear? Yes, sir.
Somehow, someone, or some highly organized group of individuals has managed to plant a bomb in the Hungarian Ambassador's residence.
lf that bomb is not dismantled, soldier we are talking Hungarian goulash.
We have less than 60 minutes to find and defuse that device.
Now, Sgt.
Murdock here has already begun the search but unfortunately, his canine explosives detector was killed in the line of duty.
What was his name? Leader.
lmon, the Leader.
He was on the force for 13 years.
He was sniffing petunias when suddenly ka-boom! Dead dog.
Last thing he said to me was.
[barking.]
Now, Sergeant, we're running out of valuable time here.
Yes, sir.
This is Sgt.
Burlow.
Send over Shotgun, on the double.
[whimpering.]
Listen, Shotgun you're not giving me 100%.
Now listen to this.
[sniffing.]
That is sniffing.
You hear? Listen again.
[Murdock sniffing.]
That's sniffing.
You're acting like you're looking for trash.
We're talking about explosives here.
All right, turn around.
See this dude here? See that dude in the gold? Well, you just remember this lf you don't do your job, he invented Shepherd's Pie.
The fool gonna make that dog crazy like him.
Oh, l don't know.
Murdock's got a way with animals.
Yeah, you right.
They're the only ones that understand him.
Colonel, looks like these guys came in with more than just an appetite.
Get that dog on them.
Yeah, right.
Come along, Shotgun.
Come on.
Here we go.
Do your job, boy.
Sniff.
[whimpering.]
Ain't there health laws about having a dog in here? Depends on whose health you're talking about.
[Shotgun barking.]
Put your hands up.
Move over there.
All right, now what's in the lunch box? You guys are crazy.
Oh, yeah.
lt's gelignite, Hannibal.
lt's a decoy.
[Shotgun barking.]
B.
A.
, look at that dog outside.
Murdock, keep them covered.
Come on, B.
A.
There's explosives in that truck.
Where's he going with that truck? Only as far as he has to.
Come on.
(Murdock) l'm a failure.
Murdock.
What happened? l'm a failure, man, l don't know.
lt's all right, we understand.
l got hit from the blind side, l don't know.
[phone ringing.]
Yeah? Howdy.
l got the girl and her old lady.
Everything I need to make Joe Dutton sign over the diner.
Now, if you wanna see them breathing again take a hike.
That was Slater.
He's got Edith and Patty.
l'm sorry.
Slater doesn't get the diner until he gets Joe Dutton to sign over the papers on it.
Yeah, well, l hate to admit it, Hannibal but it looks to me like Slater is holding four aces.
And that's a hard hand to beat, Hannibal.
Not if you draw into a straight flush, Sergeant.
[birds chirping.]
You talked to your wife and kid on the phone.
lf you want to see them in one piece, you'll sign right on the line.
Mr.
Slater? lt's Bowers.
Dutton just signed the papers.
All right, now listen.
Take care of Dutton, then meet us back here.
You just retired from the diner business.
Permanently.
Speaking about retirement l figure you're both worth about 20 years.
[van engine starting.]
These gentlemen are going to tell us where Slater took Patty and her mother.
And Slater's not going anywhere without this paper l signed.
This gives us plenty of time to build him a big surprise.
Right on.
Well, what do you think, B.
A.
? Give me about a half an hour, l'll have it back on the road.
A half an hour? Yeah, l agree with the big guy, Colonel.
l mean, a roast may look burned on the outside but inside it's medium rare.
Medium rare? Food, food.
l'm talking about food.
Well, guys, what do you say we pay them a visit? Well when Bowers gets back here with that piece of paper your old man signed the Cup A' Joe is mine.
You'll never get away with this, Slater.
My daughter's right.
Someone will go for help.
ls that right? Who? By now, Joe Dutton is history.
And those four cowboys you hired guys with machine guns don't go to the police.
Tillis take these two ladies out of here and get rid of them.
[horn honking.]
How are you two? Fine.
My father? He's fine.
We've moved him to another room in the hospital.
The original Cactus Jack's.
You know, Hannibal, l want to remember it just as it is.
Yeah.
lt does have a certain ambiance.
[birds chirping.]
This is great.
Terrific.
Well, it feels good to be home.
We sure owe you a lot, Mr.
Smith.
l was beginning to like the restaurant business.
Learned a lot of new recipes.
Recipes? l don't understand.
Well, like the one we just finished, Jailhouse Stew.
You got Slater, a crooked county surveyor, add six hoodlums you put them in the slammer and simmer them for 20 years.
[both laughing.]
Candlelight and crystal, remember? How could l forget? Just promise me no coffee shops, okay? You got it.
Oh, by the way, before l forget.
There's your change.
What? Yeah.
What's this? Well, this is the receipt here, you see.
You had four team members for 48 hours you had three Mini-1 4s at $100 a day rental, miscellaneous ammo and one cookbook to replace the cookbook that Murdock lost in the line of duty.
And, well, that comes to $3,650.
Rounded off.
Now, you subtract that from the $10,000 deposit and that leaves $6,350 returned to you.
(Murdock) B.
A.
, this is not the way to do it.
Be cool, man.
l know what l'm doing.
Chili is a delicate balance of beans, meat and of herbs.
Everything must be in their proper proportion.
Quiet, let me cook.
l call this B.
A.
's chili.
[bubbling.]
Well, what do you think? lt's not bad.
ln fact, it's pretty good.
lt's also pretty hot.
[burps.]