The Suite Life of Zack & Cody s03e14 Episode Script
Orchestra
Hey, Mr.
moseby.
Can't talk now.
Working on a very important hotel problem.
I was just gonna say hi.
But there's no time for that.
You'll say hi, I'll say hi.
You'll say, "how's it going?" I'll say, "fine.
" Then I'll feel compelled to ask you, "how's it going?" Even though I don't care.
Then suddenly I'm listening to you drone on and on and on and on.
Hey, mom? Can I have an advance on my allowance? Another one? You've already gotten advances through retirement.
Ok, in that case, can I have an advance on my inheritance? Oh, come on, you're not gonna live forever.
Keep asking me for money, and neither will you.
Well, please? It's for something really important.
What's that? An enchanted sorcerer wand.
Oh, well, as long as it's not for something silly.
It's for this new online video game, "medieval magic quest," where you exist in a computer-generated world and interact with virtual people.
Oh, good.
Then you can get your virtual mother to give you the money.
Please, mom.
This game is pure fun and fantasy.
There are no mothers.
Fine.
Maybe you can use your magic wand to get Mr.
moseby to give me a raise.
Aw, thanks, mom! I love it! You already bought it? Well, yeah.
I didn't want to wait, so I used my own money.
Now I can pay myself back.
Think I have a virtual headache.
No.
No, it's real.
Here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life [Doorbell rings.]
What took you so long? I called you Well, I'm here now.
What's the emergency? The Internet's broken.
Heh heh.
I doubt that.
The Internet is a global network of fiber-optic backbones with failsafe access points and redundant router protocols.
The Internet's broken.
All right, well, here.
Let me try ending some system processes.
[Chimes.]
There.
You're back online.
Were you trying to search for yourself? Oh.
Maybe I'm over there.
Oh, I was right! I'm right here.
Ha ha! I meant search for yourself on the Internet.
I can do that? Well, maybe you can't, but everybody else can.
London Tipton.
[Chimes.]
Wow.
Over a million hits.
Ooh! Let's look at portia to see how much less popular she is than me.
All right.
Portia Tenenbaum.
[Chimes.]
Wow.
5 million hits.
Gasp! How could she have more hits than me? She has her own web show.
A web show? She has her own web show? I cannot believe she has her own web show! What's a web show? Take that, ogre.
And take that, troll.
Take that Lamp.
Hey, Zack.
I'm back from the market.
Ah, rations! Maketh me a sandwich, wench.
Excuse me? Pleaseth? You seem to be enjoying this game more than the math game I got you-- "multiplication celebration: Easy as pie.
" Oh, that's not true.
I'm using that one as a coaster.
Well, it's a start.
You see that sorcerer? That's me: Moltak firewind.
I've joined an alliance with another player who calls himself jango darkblade.
He's a shadow knight.
So many questions But I think I'll start with what's a shadow knight? Heh heh.
Hello, a dark paladin.
A warrior.
Man, he's incredible.
[Computer roars.]
Oh, you see him? He's taking down that lava dragon! Aw, man, I pledge my wand to thee, jango darkblade.
Ok, Zack, let's grabeth hold of reality and taketh it for a ride, shall we? Enough with the game.
You need some fresh air and sunlight.
Aw, mom, I get plenty of that.
Aah! Close it! Close it! It burns! Ok, everything is set up for your web show.
Now I'm going to count backwards from 5.
You don't have to show off.
You already have the job.
Ok, how about I just cue you by saying "action"? Hi, I'm-- nope, nope, nope.
Not yet.
Not yet.
I have to turn on the computer.
Oh, sorry.
[Chimes.]
Ok, and action.
I said action! I know, but I can't go on without applause.
There's no one here but me.
Yay, London! Whoo! We love you! All right, all right, all right.
Please stop.
You're embarrassing me.
Hi, I'm London tipton.
Duh! And welcome to "yay me!" The show about me, coming from me bedroom where me sleeps! Later, my special guest will be the man responsible for portia tenenbaum's last 3 nose jobs, Dr.
Fred zipinpickle! Hi, London.
I'm really glad-- zip it, pickle.
Dr.
z is going to show us how to pick your nose.
Oy.
But first, let's hear our theme song.
Theme song? London tipton's really great really great, really great London tipton's really great she deserves the opposite of hate, which is love! Everyone sing along! London tipton's really great [Humming.]
Really great, really great London tipton's really great she deserves the opposite of hate, which is love! Ok, our first segment today isIs London's mail bag! London's mail bag.
[Chimes.]
Oh, here's one now.
Londonfan22 says "What a fabulous scarf.
" Good question--$3,000.
But it wouldn't look fabulous on just anyone.
I'll show you what I mean.
Can I get a volunteer from the studio audience? Ha ha ha ha! Uh, London, we don't have-- ok, you, sir.
Come on down.
See? Hideous.
Fabulous, hideous.
Fabulous, hideous.
Fabulous, hideous-- London, I'm sure the audience doesn't want to see me wearing a silly scarf.
[Chimes.]
They want to see me in high heels? They would look ridiculous on you.
Thank you.
Unless you're wearing a skirt.
No, I am not wearing a skirt.
[Chimes.]
Not even for money.
I can't be bought.
[Chimes.]
But I can be rented.
Honey, are you still playing that game? You need to get some exercise.
Oh, I am.
Feel the muscle on my wand arm.
I mean, this one-- this one just kind of dangles, but this one Kapow! Wow.
Fighting monsters is quite the workout.
Oh, mom, mom, mom.
This game is more than just fighting monsters.
As moltak, I'm learning valuable skills like blacksmithing, alchemy, and jewel enchanting.
Honey, I want you off this computer.
[Computer roars.]
Right.
Hold that thought.
Jango is counting on me to guide him through the plane of despair.
Hey, there's always gonna be a reason to keep playing.
I knew you'd understand.
You see, jango and I are battling an ogre army headed by an evil gorgon.
Legend has it, she can destroy a man with one deathly gaze.
Honey, I'm concerned you're getting addicted to this game.
Oh, please, mom.
I can stop anytime I want.
Ok, how about now.
I said anytime I want.
Welcome to London tipton's "yay me!" Starring London tipton, with your host and star London tipton.
A Cody Martin production.
Hey! I'm the star here.
Sorry.
Heeere's London! [Music playing.]
London tipton's really great really great, really great London tipton's really great and deserves the opposite of hate, which is love London tipton's really great really great, really great London tipton's really great and deserves the opposite of hate, which is love Hi, fans.
Thank you all for making "yay me!" The third most-watched show on the Internet, right behind "exploding soda cans" and "monkey performs surgery.
" Okey dokey, my first guest today is someone who's not as rich or as pretty as I am.
Please welcome my good friend Chelsea bremmer.
Chelsea! Yay Chelsea! Yay! That's enough.
It's just Chelsea.
Thanks for having me on your show, London.
I understand you've brought us a clip.
That's right.
It's sparkly and shaped like a butterfly.
Can I show everyone how hideous it looks on that little blonde nerd? Hey! No.
This little blonde nerd still has blisters from those heels you made me wear.
Don't worry.
We're not gonna dress you.
Oh, good.
Today we're talking about what girls look for in a guy.
Can I get a volunteer from the audience? Uh-oh.
You, sir! London, I really don't want to do this.
Ok, imagine I set you up on a blind date with Cody.
Ew! He's poor.
I know.
Just pretend.
Now, where would you take a girl on a first date? Probably somewhere funducational, like the seaquarium, to picnic in the glow of the phosphorescent lanternii.
Boring.
Boring.
Ok, where would you take a girl on a second date? Well-- ha! Trick question.
You wouldn't get a second date because you're nerdy, boring, and dress badly.
Hey! I'm not going to stand here and be insulted.
Then sit down because we're about to start makeup tips.
Pucker up! I'm not going to put lipstick on, especially that trashy shade.
[Gasps.]
I'm a producer, not a dress-up doll.
Well, I don't need a producer.
I need a puckerer.
Yeah? Well, now you don't have a producer or a puckerer.
'Cause I quit.
[Gasps.]
You can't quit! Oh, yeah? Then what do you call me leaving and never coming back? This is no time for trick questions.
Don't touch that mouse.
We'll be right back.
Zack, are you still playing that game? You said 5 more minutes.
That was And you have a 5:00 cheesy shadow.
You know what? That's it.
Game over.
Gimme.
Hey! Mom, mom, mom! No.
Gimme! Mom, you're using up all my fire bolts! Aah! Unh.
Mom, no! Silence, moltar! It's moltak the mighty sorcerer! Moltar's good, too.
Bed.
No, no, no.
Just 5 more minutes.
I--I can't abandon jango when he's surrounded by lizard demons! I'm sure jango's mommy wants him in bed, too.
[Computer powers down.]
Moltak? Moltak? Where did you go? [Computer roaring.]
Oh! Holy hobgoblins! Lizard demons! Aah! Aah! Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Ooh.
Don't touch me! Ok, it's been 12 hours since I've played, but--but I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I mean, I'm talking to myself, but, you know, at least I'm not thinking about "medieval magic quest.
" I can't believe London.
You know, I do everything to get her show off the ground and make her look good, and all she does is make me look bad.
Oh, boo hoo! You know what? You don't know what it's like to have something you love taken away from you.
Oh, yeah? Last week, you stole my biology homework.
I'm talking about something that matters! Dude, it's just a game.
[Mocking.]
Oh, dude, it's just a game.
Well, how do you know it's not real and all of this is just a game? Because I'm not from the planet zoltar.
Well, yeah, obviously.
Everyone knows the zoltarians are amphibious.
Moltak! Moltak, where are you? The orcs are upon us! Excuse me-- what? Can't you see I'm busy, you filthy peasant? I just wanted an extra room key.
Want an extra room-- oh! Heh heh.
Of course.
Oh, let me put that down, yes.
An extra room key.
Of course.
I'm so sorry.
You know that filthy peasant remark? Merely part of our, um, medieval theme week.
Huzzah! Hee hee hee! Oh Welcome to "yay me!" Starring London tipton.
You're supposed to say, "heeere's London!" Oh, but you're not here.
You're there.
Our first segment today is silly pet tricks, starring ivana! Starring ivana! Where's ivana? I don't know! You were supposed to make sure she was here.
You're lucky I made sure I was here.
Never mind.
Ivana's at the spa getting her tail waxed, so Chelsea's gonna fill in.
What? Now, when I clap my hands, you eat this biscuit.
But it's for dogs.
[Whispers.]
And it's carbs.
But it's low carbs.
Oh.
Wait.
Wait.
Good girl! Now! Ew! Ew! Gross! Bad dog.
Cody would've eaten that.
And Cody would've made sure ivana was here.
Ok, our first guest today is Is What?! Whenever I say, "is, is," you're supposed to tell me what to say like Cody did so I don't look stupid on the air! Oh, too late.
Uh Besides, we don't have any guests.
What kind of producer are you? I'm not a producer, I'm a pisces.
And stop yelling, because we are very sensitive.
Fine.
Let's just take questions from our audience.
[Chimes.]
Superfan7 says "You shouldn't have fired the nerdy boy.
I liked him.
He's my new screensaver.
" Bad question! Read me something that's not about Cody.
[Computer chimes.]
[Chiming continues.]
Um, they're all about Cody.
Would you guys forget about Cody? He's gone.
Gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.
So is your audience.
We have less viewers than "sleeping grandma.
" How do you know? Because I'm watching her Webcast.
[Fly buzzing.]
A fly just went up her nose! Ew! Ew! Ok, maybe I'll log on for just a minute.
Heh heh.
I can't.
Aw.
[Spy music playing.]
Maybe I'll just play for a minute.
What the-- Zack? What are you doing behind my desk? What are you doing with this? That is a letter opener For very large letters.
J.
D.
? As in jango darkblade? Well, how do you know-- because I'm moltak firewind! [Gasps.]
You're moltak fire-- how could this possibly be? Holy hobgoblins.
I thought I'd never see you again.
Aah! Aah! Ha ha ha ha! Hale and well met! Huzzah! How's my kingdom? Oh! Alas, I wish I had better tidings.
It's been overrun by blood giants.
I tried to stop them, but they're giant.
And where did you go? My mother made me quit.
She thinks the game is addictive.
Ridiculous, right? Huh? I think she's right.
I mean, I haven't done any work in a fortnight.
Plus I just said fortnight.
Yeah, I haven't done any homework in, like, 3 months.
The game's only been out for 2 weeks.
What's your point? Oh.
Perhaps with each other's help, we can kick this filthy habit.
[Sighs.]
It's so fun.
It's so, so fun! No, no, no.
We must stay strong, young moltak.
As you wish, lord darkblade.
Ok, all right.
No, no, no.
Hi, and welcome to "yay me!" My guest today isIs The sleeping grandma Ida higginbotham! [Snoring.]
What am I supposed to do with a sleeping guest? At least I got you a guest! [Gasps.]
Ooh! We should see if she has a fly in her nose.
Nope, but somebody needs a trim.
I wish Cody would come back.
Chelsea: Why don't you just apologize to him? London: But I can't.
Daddy says there are 2 things a tipton never does-- apologize and pay taxes.
Oh! My daddy told me the same thing the last time I visited him in prison.
Even if I wanted to apologize, I wouldn't know where to start.
Ooh, I've seen people do it in movies, and I think that they list things that they did wrong.
You mean like how I made fun of Cody's hair, his butt, his clothes, and his pasty skin? Chelsea: You didn't make fun of his pasty skin.
I just thought of that now.
Oh.
Anyway, all I know is that the show was at its best when he was here.
He was the yay in "yay me!" [Sighs.]
Look, Cody, if you're out there and happen to be watching this really bad show produced by Chelsea bremmer-- oh, that's me! I really wanted to say I'm sor--sor-- sor--sorry! [Chimes.]
Ooh! Someone's writing in.
[Beeps.]
They said, "that was very sincere and touching.
" Who's it from? It's from me.
[Gasps.]
Cody, you came back! Yeah, and I accept your apology.
Now come on, we have a show to do.
Hit it! [Music playing.]
London tipton's really great really great, really great London tipton's really great and Cody's not half bad [Snorts.]
Who can sleep with all this racket?! [Snorts.]
Oh! Hi.
My name's Zack, and I'm a video game addict.
All: Hi, Zack.
I used to stay up half the night slaying monsters.
It got so bad, I found myself dreaming about orcs.
Yeah, I used to dream about girls.
Marion: I hear you, buddy.
My name is Marion, and I'm a video game addict.
All: Hi, Marion.
I'm out of control, ok? I mean, I started building a moat in my backyard.
And I live in a condo! [Sighs.]
It's just so hard.
One day at a time, jango.
[All gasp.]
Jango? Oh, please.
Yeah, that's right-- jango darkblade.
You know, I noticed when we came in, the security guard had a laptop.
Oh! No, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no.
You mustn't.
Just stay.
Because I call dibs! Last one there's a rotten orc!
moseby.
Can't talk now.
Working on a very important hotel problem.
I was just gonna say hi.
But there's no time for that.
You'll say hi, I'll say hi.
You'll say, "how's it going?" I'll say, "fine.
" Then I'll feel compelled to ask you, "how's it going?" Even though I don't care.
Then suddenly I'm listening to you drone on and on and on and on.
Hey, mom? Can I have an advance on my allowance? Another one? You've already gotten advances through retirement.
Ok, in that case, can I have an advance on my inheritance? Oh, come on, you're not gonna live forever.
Keep asking me for money, and neither will you.
Well, please? It's for something really important.
What's that? An enchanted sorcerer wand.
Oh, well, as long as it's not for something silly.
It's for this new online video game, "medieval magic quest," where you exist in a computer-generated world and interact with virtual people.
Oh, good.
Then you can get your virtual mother to give you the money.
Please, mom.
This game is pure fun and fantasy.
There are no mothers.
Fine.
Maybe you can use your magic wand to get Mr.
moseby to give me a raise.
Aw, thanks, mom! I love it! You already bought it? Well, yeah.
I didn't want to wait, so I used my own money.
Now I can pay myself back.
Think I have a virtual headache.
No.
No, it's real.
Here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life [Doorbell rings.]
What took you so long? I called you Well, I'm here now.
What's the emergency? The Internet's broken.
Heh heh.
I doubt that.
The Internet is a global network of fiber-optic backbones with failsafe access points and redundant router protocols.
The Internet's broken.
All right, well, here.
Let me try ending some system processes.
[Chimes.]
There.
You're back online.
Were you trying to search for yourself? Oh.
Maybe I'm over there.
Oh, I was right! I'm right here.
Ha ha! I meant search for yourself on the Internet.
I can do that? Well, maybe you can't, but everybody else can.
London Tipton.
[Chimes.]
Wow.
Over a million hits.
Ooh! Let's look at portia to see how much less popular she is than me.
All right.
Portia Tenenbaum.
[Chimes.]
Wow.
5 million hits.
Gasp! How could she have more hits than me? She has her own web show.
A web show? She has her own web show? I cannot believe she has her own web show! What's a web show? Take that, ogre.
And take that, troll.
Take that Lamp.
Hey, Zack.
I'm back from the market.
Ah, rations! Maketh me a sandwich, wench.
Excuse me? Pleaseth? You seem to be enjoying this game more than the math game I got you-- "multiplication celebration: Easy as pie.
" Oh, that's not true.
I'm using that one as a coaster.
Well, it's a start.
You see that sorcerer? That's me: Moltak firewind.
I've joined an alliance with another player who calls himself jango darkblade.
He's a shadow knight.
So many questions But I think I'll start with what's a shadow knight? Heh heh.
Hello, a dark paladin.
A warrior.
Man, he's incredible.
[Computer roars.]
Oh, you see him? He's taking down that lava dragon! Aw, man, I pledge my wand to thee, jango darkblade.
Ok, Zack, let's grabeth hold of reality and taketh it for a ride, shall we? Enough with the game.
You need some fresh air and sunlight.
Aw, mom, I get plenty of that.
Aah! Close it! Close it! It burns! Ok, everything is set up for your web show.
Now I'm going to count backwards from 5.
You don't have to show off.
You already have the job.
Ok, how about I just cue you by saying "action"? Hi, I'm-- nope, nope, nope.
Not yet.
Not yet.
I have to turn on the computer.
Oh, sorry.
[Chimes.]
Ok, and action.
I said action! I know, but I can't go on without applause.
There's no one here but me.
Yay, London! Whoo! We love you! All right, all right, all right.
Please stop.
You're embarrassing me.
Hi, I'm London tipton.
Duh! And welcome to "yay me!" The show about me, coming from me bedroom where me sleeps! Later, my special guest will be the man responsible for portia tenenbaum's last 3 nose jobs, Dr.
Fred zipinpickle! Hi, London.
I'm really glad-- zip it, pickle.
Dr.
z is going to show us how to pick your nose.
Oy.
But first, let's hear our theme song.
Theme song? London tipton's really great really great, really great London tipton's really great she deserves the opposite of hate, which is love! Everyone sing along! London tipton's really great [Humming.]
Really great, really great London tipton's really great she deserves the opposite of hate, which is love! Ok, our first segment today isIs London's mail bag! London's mail bag.
[Chimes.]
Oh, here's one now.
Londonfan22 says "What a fabulous scarf.
" Good question--$3,000.
But it wouldn't look fabulous on just anyone.
I'll show you what I mean.
Can I get a volunteer from the studio audience? Ha ha ha ha! Uh, London, we don't have-- ok, you, sir.
Come on down.
See? Hideous.
Fabulous, hideous.
Fabulous, hideous.
Fabulous, hideous-- London, I'm sure the audience doesn't want to see me wearing a silly scarf.
[Chimes.]
They want to see me in high heels? They would look ridiculous on you.
Thank you.
Unless you're wearing a skirt.
No, I am not wearing a skirt.
[Chimes.]
Not even for money.
I can't be bought.
[Chimes.]
But I can be rented.
Honey, are you still playing that game? You need to get some exercise.
Oh, I am.
Feel the muscle on my wand arm.
I mean, this one-- this one just kind of dangles, but this one Kapow! Wow.
Fighting monsters is quite the workout.
Oh, mom, mom, mom.
This game is more than just fighting monsters.
As moltak, I'm learning valuable skills like blacksmithing, alchemy, and jewel enchanting.
Honey, I want you off this computer.
[Computer roars.]
Right.
Hold that thought.
Jango is counting on me to guide him through the plane of despair.
Hey, there's always gonna be a reason to keep playing.
I knew you'd understand.
You see, jango and I are battling an ogre army headed by an evil gorgon.
Legend has it, she can destroy a man with one deathly gaze.
Honey, I'm concerned you're getting addicted to this game.
Oh, please, mom.
I can stop anytime I want.
Ok, how about now.
I said anytime I want.
Welcome to London tipton's "yay me!" Starring London tipton, with your host and star London tipton.
A Cody Martin production.
Hey! I'm the star here.
Sorry.
Heeere's London! [Music playing.]
London tipton's really great really great, really great London tipton's really great and deserves the opposite of hate, which is love London tipton's really great really great, really great London tipton's really great and deserves the opposite of hate, which is love Hi, fans.
Thank you all for making "yay me!" The third most-watched show on the Internet, right behind "exploding soda cans" and "monkey performs surgery.
" Okey dokey, my first guest today is someone who's not as rich or as pretty as I am.
Please welcome my good friend Chelsea bremmer.
Chelsea! Yay Chelsea! Yay! That's enough.
It's just Chelsea.
Thanks for having me on your show, London.
I understand you've brought us a clip.
That's right.
It's sparkly and shaped like a butterfly.
Can I show everyone how hideous it looks on that little blonde nerd? Hey! No.
This little blonde nerd still has blisters from those heels you made me wear.
Don't worry.
We're not gonna dress you.
Oh, good.
Today we're talking about what girls look for in a guy.
Can I get a volunteer from the audience? Uh-oh.
You, sir! London, I really don't want to do this.
Ok, imagine I set you up on a blind date with Cody.
Ew! He's poor.
I know.
Just pretend.
Now, where would you take a girl on a first date? Probably somewhere funducational, like the seaquarium, to picnic in the glow of the phosphorescent lanternii.
Boring.
Boring.
Ok, where would you take a girl on a second date? Well-- ha! Trick question.
You wouldn't get a second date because you're nerdy, boring, and dress badly.
Hey! I'm not going to stand here and be insulted.
Then sit down because we're about to start makeup tips.
Pucker up! I'm not going to put lipstick on, especially that trashy shade.
[Gasps.]
I'm a producer, not a dress-up doll.
Well, I don't need a producer.
I need a puckerer.
Yeah? Well, now you don't have a producer or a puckerer.
'Cause I quit.
[Gasps.]
You can't quit! Oh, yeah? Then what do you call me leaving and never coming back? This is no time for trick questions.
Don't touch that mouse.
We'll be right back.
Zack, are you still playing that game? You said 5 more minutes.
That was And you have a 5:00 cheesy shadow.
You know what? That's it.
Game over.
Gimme.
Hey! Mom, mom, mom! No.
Gimme! Mom, you're using up all my fire bolts! Aah! Unh.
Mom, no! Silence, moltar! It's moltak the mighty sorcerer! Moltar's good, too.
Bed.
No, no, no.
Just 5 more minutes.
I--I can't abandon jango when he's surrounded by lizard demons! I'm sure jango's mommy wants him in bed, too.
[Computer powers down.]
Moltak? Moltak? Where did you go? [Computer roaring.]
Oh! Holy hobgoblins! Lizard demons! Aah! Aah! Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
Ooh.
Don't touch me! Ok, it's been 12 hours since I've played, but--but I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I mean, I'm talking to myself, but, you know, at least I'm not thinking about "medieval magic quest.
" I can't believe London.
You know, I do everything to get her show off the ground and make her look good, and all she does is make me look bad.
Oh, boo hoo! You know what? You don't know what it's like to have something you love taken away from you.
Oh, yeah? Last week, you stole my biology homework.
I'm talking about something that matters! Dude, it's just a game.
[Mocking.]
Oh, dude, it's just a game.
Well, how do you know it's not real and all of this is just a game? Because I'm not from the planet zoltar.
Well, yeah, obviously.
Everyone knows the zoltarians are amphibious.
Moltak! Moltak, where are you? The orcs are upon us! Excuse me-- what? Can't you see I'm busy, you filthy peasant? I just wanted an extra room key.
Want an extra room-- oh! Heh heh.
Of course.
Oh, let me put that down, yes.
An extra room key.
Of course.
I'm so sorry.
You know that filthy peasant remark? Merely part of our, um, medieval theme week.
Huzzah! Hee hee hee! Oh Welcome to "yay me!" Starring London tipton.
You're supposed to say, "heeere's London!" Oh, but you're not here.
You're there.
Our first segment today is silly pet tricks, starring ivana! Starring ivana! Where's ivana? I don't know! You were supposed to make sure she was here.
You're lucky I made sure I was here.
Never mind.
Ivana's at the spa getting her tail waxed, so Chelsea's gonna fill in.
What? Now, when I clap my hands, you eat this biscuit.
But it's for dogs.
[Whispers.]
And it's carbs.
But it's low carbs.
Oh.
Wait.
Wait.
Good girl! Now! Ew! Ew! Gross! Bad dog.
Cody would've eaten that.
And Cody would've made sure ivana was here.
Ok, our first guest today is Is What?! Whenever I say, "is, is," you're supposed to tell me what to say like Cody did so I don't look stupid on the air! Oh, too late.
Uh Besides, we don't have any guests.
What kind of producer are you? I'm not a producer, I'm a pisces.
And stop yelling, because we are very sensitive.
Fine.
Let's just take questions from our audience.
[Chimes.]
Superfan7 says "You shouldn't have fired the nerdy boy.
I liked him.
He's my new screensaver.
" Bad question! Read me something that's not about Cody.
[Computer chimes.]
[Chiming continues.]
Um, they're all about Cody.
Would you guys forget about Cody? He's gone.
Gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.
So is your audience.
We have less viewers than "sleeping grandma.
" How do you know? Because I'm watching her Webcast.
[Fly buzzing.]
A fly just went up her nose! Ew! Ew! Ok, maybe I'll log on for just a minute.
Heh heh.
I can't.
Aw.
[Spy music playing.]
Maybe I'll just play for a minute.
What the-- Zack? What are you doing behind my desk? What are you doing with this? That is a letter opener For very large letters.
J.
D.
? As in jango darkblade? Well, how do you know-- because I'm moltak firewind! [Gasps.]
You're moltak fire-- how could this possibly be? Holy hobgoblins.
I thought I'd never see you again.
Aah! Aah! Ha ha ha ha! Hale and well met! Huzzah! How's my kingdom? Oh! Alas, I wish I had better tidings.
It's been overrun by blood giants.
I tried to stop them, but they're giant.
And where did you go? My mother made me quit.
She thinks the game is addictive.
Ridiculous, right? Huh? I think she's right.
I mean, I haven't done any work in a fortnight.
Plus I just said fortnight.
Yeah, I haven't done any homework in, like, 3 months.
The game's only been out for 2 weeks.
What's your point? Oh.
Perhaps with each other's help, we can kick this filthy habit.
[Sighs.]
It's so fun.
It's so, so fun! No, no, no.
We must stay strong, young moltak.
As you wish, lord darkblade.
Ok, all right.
No, no, no.
Hi, and welcome to "yay me!" My guest today isIs The sleeping grandma Ida higginbotham! [Snoring.]
What am I supposed to do with a sleeping guest? At least I got you a guest! [Gasps.]
Ooh! We should see if she has a fly in her nose.
Nope, but somebody needs a trim.
I wish Cody would come back.
Chelsea: Why don't you just apologize to him? London: But I can't.
Daddy says there are 2 things a tipton never does-- apologize and pay taxes.
Oh! My daddy told me the same thing the last time I visited him in prison.
Even if I wanted to apologize, I wouldn't know where to start.
Ooh, I've seen people do it in movies, and I think that they list things that they did wrong.
You mean like how I made fun of Cody's hair, his butt, his clothes, and his pasty skin? Chelsea: You didn't make fun of his pasty skin.
I just thought of that now.
Oh.
Anyway, all I know is that the show was at its best when he was here.
He was the yay in "yay me!" [Sighs.]
Look, Cody, if you're out there and happen to be watching this really bad show produced by Chelsea bremmer-- oh, that's me! I really wanted to say I'm sor--sor-- sor--sorry! [Chimes.]
Ooh! Someone's writing in.
[Beeps.]
They said, "that was very sincere and touching.
" Who's it from? It's from me.
[Gasps.]
Cody, you came back! Yeah, and I accept your apology.
Now come on, we have a show to do.
Hit it! [Music playing.]
London tipton's really great really great, really great London tipton's really great and Cody's not half bad [Snorts.]
Who can sleep with all this racket?! [Snorts.]
Oh! Hi.
My name's Zack, and I'm a video game addict.
All: Hi, Zack.
I used to stay up half the night slaying monsters.
It got so bad, I found myself dreaming about orcs.
Yeah, I used to dream about girls.
Marion: I hear you, buddy.
My name is Marion, and I'm a video game addict.
All: Hi, Marion.
I'm out of control, ok? I mean, I started building a moat in my backyard.
And I live in a condo! [Sighs.]
It's just so hard.
One day at a time, jango.
[All gasp.]
Jango? Oh, please.
Yeah, that's right-- jango darkblade.
You know, I noticed when we came in, the security guard had a laptop.
Oh! No, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no.
You mustn't.
Just stay.
Because I call dibs! Last one there's a rotten orc!