The Suite Life on Deck (2008) s03e14 Episode Script

Hey, Cody, you headin' to the kitchen.
To coax Woody out of the walk-in freezer? No, after Woody's last raid, Moseby secured it with an industrial padlock - Mmm.
- And laser motion sensors - Hmm.
- And a polar bear.
I'm flying to Antarctica, Then snowmobiling to ice station zulu.
To work with renowned micropaleontologist.
Dr.
Albert cork.
The man who discovered the wooly amoeba? Yeah, and three new stages of frostbite.
This is a rare opportunity to visit one of the last parts of the planet.
That hasn't been trampled by the destructive forces of man.
Tom.
Speaking of the destructive forces of man.
What are you guys doing? Goin' snowmobiling with ya.
I'm not going snowmobiling.
I'm going to study microopic prehistoric organisms.
That have survived extinction through natural cryogenics.
At a remote research facility only accessible by snowmobile.
All I heard was "blah blah blah snowmobile.
" And I'm here 'cause I looked at a map of Antarctica.
Check it out the South Sandwich Islands.
I've got my mayonnaise, And I'm ready to do a little research of my own.
Woody, you know, the South Sandwich Islands.
Are not giant floating sandwiches.
They're an archipelago of 11 volcanic islands.
Named after the first lord of the admiralty, The Earl of sandwich.
All I heard was "blah blah blah sandwich.
" oh-ay-oh oh-ay-oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows we say, "hey, ho, let's go!" oh-ay-oh, this boat's rockin' ♪ oh-ay-oh, ain't no stoppin' us now ♪ ♪ 'cause we're livin' the suite life ♪ oh-ay-oh, this boat's rockin' oh-ay-oh, rockin' the whole world round and we're livin' the suite life now hey, ho, oh-ay-oh, let's go! Wow! New jacket? I mean, it's still heinous, but at least you're tryin'.
Actually, I've worn this before, Your royal heinous.
You just don't recognize it 'cause it's reversible.
Yeah, I wish my eyes were reversible.
So I didn't have to look at that thing.
I mean, why don't you wear something nice for once, like Arturo vitali? Did someone say my name? Arturo! Arturo vitali! Do you know who this is? I'm gonna go with Arturo vitali.
This is the world's greatest fashion designer.
You probably haven't heard of him 'cause he's not in the plus-size market but, you know, that's fine.
London, it is wonderful to see you again.
Are you going to introduce me to your friend? Friend? Oh, what friend? Did one of my friends come to visit? Hi, I'm Bailey pickett.
Ow! Oh, that's some grip you have.
I'm glad I'm not a cow you're milkin'.
I was wondering why this season's outfits hadn't arrived.
You must be he to personally deliver your spring collection to me.
Oh, I'm afraid not.
I'm out of the fashion business.
- What?! - Yes, I'm blissfully retired.
I've hung up my needle and thread.
And I'm never designing again.
No! - No! - Oh, what a drama queen.
I asked for crushed ice, not cubed! How am I supposed to drink this? My life is a disaster! Don't touch me.
It's hard to steer this thing.
Cody, scoot back.
How? This is not safe! This snowmobile was meant for two people, Not two people, one Woody and a giant jar of mayonnaise.
Oh, that's better.
Much more comfortable.
Come on, London, you've got to be able to wear.
Some other designer than Arturo vitali.
What about "lewis vitten"? Huh? How about how about coco "channel"? And then there's "gucki.
" Wow.
This must be what it's like talking to me.
About everything else.
What's so special about Arturo vitali? Well, I grew up with a father who was never around.
And 14 Arturo vitali is the only one who's always there for me.
Well, other than that short guy who's my Butler.
- You mean Mr.
Moseby? - Yeah, him.
And now he's the only one left.
What am I gonna do? As a baby, I wore an Arturo vitali diaper, And I definitely did not wear those twice.
Good to know.
I even ordered an Arturo vitali coffin.
Oh, thank goodness! I found a receipt for that, And was worried you were planning somethin' for me.
That snowmobiling was sick! - I've never had more fun.
- I know.
I hate you both.
Wow, I didn't know you we able to talk.
Without your magic top hat.
Hello! I told you girls to leave me alone! I don't want to buy any more of your lousy cookies.
Cody, I think he's talkin' to you.
Dr.
Cork, we're not selling cookies.
I'm Cody Martin.
It is a pleasure to meet you, sir.
Oh, most of the fingers.
On my shaking hand fell off years ago.
Excuse me, Dr.
Cork, How do you get to the South sandwich islands from here? You know they're not giant floating sandwiches, right? He won't believe it till he sees it.
I'm just so glad you guys are here.
I rarely get the chance to entertain.
Well, there was one lonely night with a leopard seal, But I don't like to talk about it.
Oh! - Oh! - Oh, hello, London.
Are you here for some tai chi? No, no thanks.
I already ate.
I'm here to beg you to not give up on designing.
Oh, I'm sorry, London, but I love being retired.
This is my chance to escape the high stress.
Of the fashion world and just Relax.
Oh! Watch it, you clumsy bag of dust! The move is called "white crane spreads wings," Not "wrinkled Turkey has a spasm.
" Oh! Hey, I designed that purse, Or at least the one they based this knock-off on.
Okay okay okay okay.
Look, Arturo, Will you please design for me? Please please please please please please please please! Oh, stop it, stop it, stop it! I didn't want to retire.
Why would I give up.
Beautiful models in lingerie.
For crusty hags in diapers? Oh! Hey, why don't you hop on your scooter.
And take that knock-off back to the swap meet? Why if you didn't want to retire, then why did you? I had no choice.
After a lifetime of designing cutting-edge fashion, The genius factory has been shut down and converted to loft space.
Wait wait, Arturo! I mean, what are you talking about? I just can't think of another thing to design.
Do you know what it's like to not have a single idea in your head? Huh? Look who I'm talking to.
Who? If you enjoyed my paper on the wooly amoeba, Check this out.
Is that a saber-toothed paramecium? Yup.
I call him Butch.
And I call this boring.
I'm trying to get him to reproduce.
Ooh, and suddenly it gets interesting! There's really nothing to see.
Some organisms reproduce without the need for a mate.
Good news for you, Cody! I might be an Uncle yet.
I'm starving.
I want to take the snowmobile to the sandwich islands.
You guys came here by snowmobile? Except for the last 80 miles, When I came by face.
I think I still have snow in my sinuses.
You know, you can warm your schnozz over by the heater.
It's pretty cozy over there.
Oh, all right.
Dr.
Cork? Oh, he's taking our snowmobile! He's leaving us! Wow, that thing really flies when it's not dragging a body.
I can't believe Dr.
Kook abandoned us here.
And it looked like there was a storm comin' in.
I'm sure he'll be right back.
Are you kidding? He's been living in an ice cave for a year.
With only tiny invisible animals to keep him company.
See, he was just waiting for suckers like us to come by.
To give him a way to escape! Whoa.
Whoa.
Now let's not panic.
This is a well-equipped outpost.
I'm sure there are some supplies to keep us going.
Hey, I found a satellite phone.
Oh-ho, great.
Okay, now all we need to do is find a takeout menu.
You kuys want pizza, or chinese? Or we can use it to call for help.
I think we can decide on pizza or chinese without help.
It's not working.
It must be interference from the storm.
How long could the storm last? In Antarctica? Three to four months.
I cannot go.
Three to four months without moo goo gai pan.
Oh, wow, this is incredible.
What, what did you find? Food? A radio? No, more of Dr.
Cork's microscope slides.
This single-celled organism is from the ordovician period.
That means he survived more than 400 million years.
- Ooh, protein! - Woody! You just ate.
One of the greatest paleontological finds of the last century.
Well, I was really hungry.
It's a single-celled organism.
It's one-millionth of a calorie.
I'm finally working on portion control.
And this is how you support me? - Oh, you think I can support you? - Yeah yeah yeah.
Stop this! Can you check some of these boxes, please? Oh, that's it! Look at this hole.
We can ice fish.
Now we just need some bait.
I got a worm in my pocket.
Why? I don't know.
Come on, little guy, catch us a big one.
Oh, I already got a bite.
Oh-oh-oh-oh! Oh, it's a monster! Help me out! Help! Help! Wow, London, you going to a sleepover? Nope, this is a comforter from Arturo vitali's home collection.
At least people haven't seen me in it.
Mr.
Vitali, Arturo, Arty the one-man party, I need to talk to you.
Can't it wait? I'm having a little snack before lunch.
It can't wait.
We need to get yo.
London's gone crackers.
She's wearing bedding.
I told her I'm out of inspiration And cocktail sauce.
Garcon? I have to do everything myself.
Come on, I know we can find something to inspire you.
After all, there is beauty in everything.
Are you sure about that? Oh! See? It broke.
You don't just pay for my name, you pay for quality.
Okay okay.
Okay, now remember, This is an accessory, not a weapon.
See? Maybe these will inspire you.
Right? Sea life, with its angular symmetry, Vibrant color there's got to be a dress in here somewhere.
There was, three years ago in my simply crabulous collection.
Then how What about butterflies? Delicate patterns, gentle movements.
Oh! Ah! Garcon, I need a napkin.
It's like I'm invisible.
Anyway, I did butterflies two years ago My petit papillon collection.
Okay.
Wow, you've really covered all the bases.
Last year, my fastball fashion collection.
It's over here, honey.
There must be something around here to inspire you.
What about the life preserver? Oh, been there, done that My boat couture collection.
Not only was it voted look of the year, But it saved Kate moss' life.
When a gentle breeze blew her off jude law's yacht.
Oh, goody! You guys are here! Come in, come in, come in! I know how to get Arturo designing again.
That's great! You found something to inspire him.
Yep, hunger! Go go go go! Go! Go go! Hey, what are you doing? You are not leaving this room until you design me a dress! It's sew or starve, arty.
Sew or starve! - Hold the door! Hold the door! - Sorry! You can't keep me in here! I can't, but this nail gun can! Oh, wonderful.
Here, fishy, fishz, fishy, fishy.
Would you stop it already? We've been here a week and all you've caught so far.
Is one tiny fish and 18,000 plastic bags.
Well, I don't see you coming up with any brilliant ideas.
What do you think we should do, miss Mayo? Eliminate the others? I agree.
Uh, woodster.
Why are you talking to that jar of mayonnaise? And why does it hate us? Maybe because you tried to use her as a toilet! Look, I tried to go outside, but But that just caused a very painful icicle situation.
Oh, great! Now we have no food, no heat and no power.
We're gonna die.
But miss Mayo and I had big plans.
We were gonna buy a house in Maine.
With a big pantry where the kids could play.
That's it.
We have to get out of here.
True.
Maybe we can make it to the landing strip.
But if we're gonna survive out there, All three of us have got to huddle together for warmth.
- Oh, okay.
- Come on.
All right, all right.
You know what? I think we're gonna make it if we just stick together.
- Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
- That's true, right? Don't worry, miss Mayo! I'll protect you! What are you doing? What are you wearing? A shower curtain.
It's in the Arturo vitali bath collection.
Wow, talk about wash and wear.
Hey, you can't let Arturo out! Will you keep it down out there? I'm in the middle of creating.
I've been inspired.
- What? - I've come up with a whole new collection.
Show me, show me, show me! Ah-ah-ah.
Oh, my bath collection.
Did you get the matching loofahs? Anyway, I'll be unveiling my new line.
On the catwalk end of the week.
- Until then, I must be left alone.
- Wait.
No no.
Can I at least get my pillow? My chicken clock? Help me keep this creature out! You know what this means? We're gonna end up as chunks.
In the abominable snowman's teeth? No, it means that Dr.
Cork's theories of cold-weather preservation.
Applies to even bigger species! That thing out there is the obviously.
Some prehistoric primate that has survived out here for millennia.
This is an amazing scientific breakthrough! Wow! Meanwhile, that breakthrough is about to break through the door! Now arm yourselves! Now! Ow! Woody, I can't believe you sacrificed miss Mayo.
I always thought mayonnaise would end your life, not save it.
This is fascinating.
I have to document this amazing find.
No no no, forget that.
Start a fire.
We're having monster mignon.
Woody, help me skin this thing.
Roll him over.
Uh, why does this monster have a zipper? Guys, this is no monster.
It's Dr.
Cork.
I still say we eat him.
No, please don't eat me.
I have an Internet date on Friday.
Oh, I am so sorry, Dr.
Cork.
It's just that, well, between your impressive stature, your beard.
And being covered in snow, Well, you look like some sort of dreadful behemoth.
Actually, I get that a lot.
What was up with all the Oh.
My tongue was frozen.
Why were you walking like this? Because now I'm down to just two toes.
By the way, it's not really nice.
To make fun of how a guy walks.
Sorry, man.
We thought you abandoned us here and left us to die.
I just got stuck in the storm.
After I ran out to get you guys bagels.
You left to get bagels? There's a bakery down at McMurdo station.
I knew I was out of food and I wanted to be a good host.
I thought maybe later we could play charades.
Although, uh, frostbite rules Nothing more than two words.
Let me guess, Arturo vitali's furniture collection? Yes.
After this, All that's left is his high-gloss paint collection.
And there are places I cannot reach with a brush.
Ooh.
So, as soon as Arturo unveils his new line, I'm snappin' up everything he's got! It's showtime! Ladies, gentlemen, Odd little garden gnome, Welcome.
I'm happy to announce.
That I'm coming out of retirement, And entering what I expect to be.
The most fertile and creative period of my career.
Yay, arty, I love you! I love him! Love you! Ah! And I owe my inspiration.
To one young lady in particular, - Bailey pickett.
- Bailey pickett? What?! But he should be thanking me! I mean, I'm the one who locked him in a room without any food or water.
No no, it's okay.
I'm all right.
But it was in that foodless, waterless room.
Where spotted some of Bailey's things.
And was inspired to create my latest.
And greatest fashion line, Hick chic! What?! Oh, I need one.
Oh.
Oh! And you you're going to look fabulous in those overalls.
No! Now I'm gonna look like you! Yee-haw! You go, girl! Work that washboard! I'm gonna show you guys a glacier.
That looks exactly like Clay aiken.
And then we can go penguin tipping.
Sounds awesome! Eyes on the ice! Eyes on the ice! I can't believe we thought you were a prehistoric monster.
That's crazy.
There's no way something like that could be around today.
Can't this thing go any faster? Oh, that's better.