ALF s03e15 Episode Script

Hey, hey, did you know that if you looked really carefully, You could see elvis In one of the crowd scenes in gandhi? Do you believe everything you read? Yeah, Except for stuff marked unbreakable.
Where'd you get that book, anyway? I joined the legend of the month club.
Next month they're doing steve allen.
Sorry i asked.
Alf, elvis presley died more than 10 years ago.
Oh, yeah? Then how do you explain this shocking photograph Of elvis standing in line for pirates of the caribbean? lions gate home entertainment Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! What is he doing? Facial exercises.
Ohh! This one tightens up a double chin-- Ohh! Ohh! This one prevents sagging ears-- Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! [Gasp.]
What's that one? That one means raquel's coming up the back walk.
Hi-Ho, silver, away.
[Knocking.]
Raquel: you who! Hello, willie.
Oh, hi, raquel.
Come on in.
Kate, i brought your magazine back.
Oh, thanks, raquel.
How'd you like sylvester stallone's Pot roast recipe? It was a real disappointment.
I had to pound on that beef for 2 hours And trevor still said it was tough.
First rambo iii, now this.
Let's face it, sly's in a slump.
Oh! Point of interest, Have you met the man who has rented The phennamen's old house? Oh, somebody rented the phennamen's old house? Well, wake up and wipe the crud from your eyes, willie.
The man has been here 6 whole days.
What's he like, raquel? His name is aaron king.
Let's see, He's in his early 50's, He has a southern accent, And he sings in the shower.
Other than that, i know nothing.
Well, we all have our little secrets.
Oh, really? Like what? Uh I sing in the shower, too.
Why do you think the phennamen's moved out? Well, ta.
We've found him.
We've found elvis.
Oh, good.
I was getting tired Of looking for him.
I'm serious, willie.
The king lives Oh, come on.
Well, look, Raquel said this guy's in his fifties, Has a southern accent, And he likes to sing.
Who else could it be? Willie nelson, Jerry lee lewis, Huckleberry hound.
No, no, no.
Those guys would never live next to the ochmonek's.
I give up.
Wait, wait, wait.
I can be logical, if i have to.
The man's name is aaron king.
Elvis' middle name was aaron And he was king of rock and roll.
I am not convinced.
Ok.
How 'bout this? Hank aaron is baseball's home run king And elvis loved baseball.
Alf-- You're grasping at straws.
Ok.
Listen to this.
Aaron burr wanted to be king of america And he was from the south, Just like elvis.
Well, At least i got his watch.
[Screaming.]
[Crash.]
Dad, what happened? I slipped on a banana peel.
I don't know why People find that so amusing.
Let me help you.
[Laughing.]
I'm sorry.
At least he's cutting down.
How did he get peanut butter on the smoke detector? I'll clean this up.
I'll go have a word with hurricane skippy.
Alf, there are peanut butter hand prints All over the kitchen.
Each of them has 4 fingers.
Your comment? I have no recollection of that event.
Look, willie, i've been thinking about this Aaron king thing.
And you're right.
I can't go around saying he's elvis without proof.
Good.
So i got proof.
Listen to this.
Man, on tape: it's the middle of the night, man.
Who is this? That doesn't sound anything like elvis presley.
But wait till i play it backwards.
[Jumbled speaking.]
See? See what? That's exactly what elvis sounded like backwards, In his later years.
And when did you call mr.
King To get this overwhelming evidence? You woke him up? Exhibit number 2, Fresh from aaron king's trash can, Elvis' blue suede shoes.
Those are red Corduroy slippers.
She changed the color and fabric To protect himself From garbage-Scavenging fans.
Like you? Exactly.
Exhibit number 3, Elvis' lyrics.
Listen to this hidden message.
"Since my baby left me, "I found a new place to dwell.
That's down at the end of lonely street, Not next door to the ochmonek's.
Ok.
But here's the clincher.
If you rearrange the letters in Elvis aaron presley, They spell Presley lives nora.
Now all we have to do Is find this nora chick.
You've convinced me, alf.
We are living 2 doors down the street From elvis presley, And raquel is janis joplin, And trevor is buddy holly.
That'll be the day.
Look, willie, just wait till he gets here.
Then you'll find out for sure.
Wait till who get here? Oh, uh, did i forget to mention, When i called mr.
King, I said we had a fruit basket for him? Yes.
And did i also forget to mention He'll be here any minute to pick it up? Yes.
I'm so forgetful.
I should've tied a string around my finger.
Oh, i did.
Gee, forgot all about that.
What am i supposed to do When mr.
King asks for his fruit basket? No problem.
I ordered one over the phone.
Dad, we have a visitor.
Send him in.
Now look, willie, When this guy gets here Monitor him for elvis-Like behavior.
What would you have me do? See if these Make him salivate.
What are they? These are deep-Fried peanut butter And banana sandwiches.
Elvis loved them.
He could eat 20 a day.
And you think he's still alive? Dad.
Dad, this is mr.
King.
Morning.
Morning, i'm willie tanner.
Uh, mr.
King says we have a basket of fruit for him.
Yes.
It's something we do for all our new neighbors now.
You call them at 3:00 a.
M.
, too? Please, take these.
Welcome to the neighborhood.
That's mighty nice of you.
Somebody took a bite out of this apple.
Pesky mediterranean fruit flies, Bigger every year.
We can get you another basket of fruit.
Oh, no, that's all right.
But these wouldn't happen to be peanut butter And banana sandwiches, would they? Yes, yes.
Yes, they are.
Help yourself.
Well, if you don't want them.
Believe me, I don't want them.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I used to have a pair of slippers like these.
Threw mine away, though.
See you.
Yeah.
Nice to meet you.
Bye-Bye.
Elvis has left the building! That was not elvis presley.
Are you kidding? Hewas on that sandwich like Red beans on rice.
Alf, he didn't seem like elvis to me, either.
Elvis was a brilliant actor.
He could play anything from a singing race car driver, To a singing deep sea diver.
Even if this man were elvis presley, And i assure you he's not, He'd never admit it.
I bet i can get it out of him.
Leave the man alone! Leave him alone! So, what are you saying, leave the man alone? I won't rest till i prove this man is elvis presley.
But first, i think i'll take a nap.
Either he's elvis, Or priscilla had a heck of a lawn sale.
[Camera whirring.]
[Door locks rattling.]
[Glass breaking.]
What the heck are you? I ain't nothin' but a hound dog.
Hound dogs don't talk.
Neither do dead singers.
Say what? You're elvis presley.
I knew it! I knew it! I'm not elvis presley.
Right.
And i'm not an alien.
Wait a minute.
I remember you.
You're that talkin' monkey I saw in vegas.
Vegas? You've been to vegas? That proves it! Proves what? That you're elvis.
Wait a minute.
Let's get back to who you are.
Or what you are.
Hey, i'll have you know That i'm a superior being From the planet melmac.
There's no planet melmac.
No, not anymore.
That's why i'm here.
Can i pet you? Only above the waist.
Man! Are you trying to tell me You're from outer space? Yeah, yeah.
But now i live down the block.
My friends call me alf.
Boy, the enquirer would sure love a photo of this.
"Elvis meets creature from space.
" Come on.
Be reasonable.
Why would somebody like elvis Want to pretend he was dead? I figure you want to be an adverage joe In an average town With an average fleet of pink cadillacs.
But your fans wouldn't let you.
So, you booked that big gig into rock and roll heaven.
What do you aliens do all day? Look for dead celebrities? I'm so tired of that stereotype.
Aliens have many interests.
We sit around the house.
We eat.
We watch tv.
You sound more like elvis than i do.
Hey, hey, why don't you ring up ann-Margaret And get her over here? Oh, sure.
I'll just hop over to graceland And pick up my rolodex.
[Knocking.]
Whoever that is, don't tell 'em i'm here.
Unless it's somebody who knows me.
But you'd have no way of knowing that Unless we work out a code.
How about i just don't let 'em in? Good thinking.
Howdy, ma'am.
Hello, uh, we haven't officially met.
I'm raquel ochmonek.
I live next door.
Oh, right.
I didn't recognize you without the binoculars.
I uh, brought you some pot roast.
It's sylvester stallone's favorite.
That's mighty neighborly of you.
If you'd like, i could, uh, heat it up for you.
It'd only take a minute.
Oh, don't trouble yourself, ma'am.
I've already had my dinner.
I know.
So what? Why don't you just let me Put it in the freezer for you? Well, to tell you the truth, ma'am, i'm--You caught me In kind of a compromising position.
What do you mean? Well, i'm not exactly alone.
If you get my drift.
[Gasps.]
Really? I didn't observe any second parties Entering the premises.
So, you won't think i'm rude If i don't invite you in? Oh, of course not.
Just keep playing those elvis records.
No girl can resist that voice.
I know.
Man, that raquel is one nosy gal.
I can't even sneeze without her handing me a kleenex.
That proves it! Elvis couldn't sneeze without somebody handing him a kleenex.
Alf, i've had it with this elvis thing.
Look, i'll prove it to you.
[Off-Key.]
* well, since my baby left me, * * i found a new place to dwell, * * it's down at the end of lonely street * * it's heartbreak hotel * Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! No wonder your baby left you, If you've been singing like that.
Stink-Aroni! Now are you convinced i'm not elvis? You just need a little more practice.
You've been dead for a while.
Look, i wish i was elvis, buddy.
But i'm just a truck driver from tupelo.
And that's as close as i'll ever get to being the king.
But in my heart, i'll always know you are elvis.
You are elvis.
You are elvis.
Oh! Alf.
Huh? Oh! Where's the king? We don't have a king.
This is america.
I mean elvis.
I was just talking to him.
You were sleeping.
Oh, you mean, i was just dreaming that elvis was alive? No, he was alive.
But that was before he was dead.
Don't mess with a groggy alien.
Come on, alf.
Mom's got lunch ready.
Right.
A hunk of burnin' food.
But you know what he said That convinced me even more than ever that he's elvis? What? He said "I'm not elvis.
" Who else but elvis would say that? Almost anyone.
I can't wait any longer, kate.
I've got to go over there and get conclusive proof.
Alf Let's assume for a moment-- And just a moment-- That aaron king is elvis presley.
What do you think he'd want you to do? He'd want me to leave him alone.
That's right.
Give him his privacy.
That's right! And order the complete set Of elvis memorial shoe trees.
That's wrong.
Raquel: yoo-Hoo! Kate! Bye.
Bye.
[Knocking.]
Hi, raquel.
Come on in.
Kate, you'll never guess what happened.
Aaron king moved out in the middle of the night.
Oh, isn't that strange.
That's not all that's strange.
I don't think that man was who he claimed to be.
Oh, not you, too.
What? I mean, what? Well, he always kept the blinds drawn.
He always wore sunglasses When it wasn't even sunny, And i saw him loading into his car.
Raquel I know what you're thinking, And he's been dead a long time.
I thought that, too, at first.
But you mark my words, kate.
That man who lived next door to us Was buddy holly.
Boy, is she gullible.
Everybody knows that buddy holly Runs a bait and tackle shop in phoenix.
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