Black-ish (2014) s03e15 Episode Script
I'm a Survivor
1 Dre: I was 12 going on 13 first time I saw a dead human being.
I was also 12 going on 13 the second time I saw a dead human being.
I was 13 going on 14 Anyway, you get it.
I saw some stuff.
But that's the thing when you grow up in a situation like that.
It makes you closer to the people you're living through it with, your crew.
My boy Sha Lover of carbs, destroyer of property.
Ronnie was the athlete of the crew.
T Will was our ladies man.
Ledarius was the wild card.
And Tony Tony was the glue, the peacemaker, always wanted everybody to be cool.
In those days you wanted to be in a crew forever.
But then you grow up, you lose touch, and the calls come less and less until one day, you get the call that you never want to hear.
Tony's dead.
What? That's two double-doubles, two fries, and two Cokes.
[Voice breaking.]
A couple more double-doubles.
[Voice breaking.]
And fries, please? And a couple more shakes.
[Sobbing.]
Chocolate, please.
Not Tony! Man.
I can't believe Tony's gone.
I'm sick of all this violence.
What violence? He died in his sleep.
They shot him while he was sleeping? Savages! No, man, he went to sleep and just didn't wake up.
That can happen? That's a thing? I sleep every night, man.
Hell, sometimes, during the day.
Look, his mom said the funeral's Saturday, and we're gonna chip in for some flowers.
So it'll be $7 apiece.
What kind of funeral flowers can You know what? Don't worry about it.
I'll get them.
- Really? - Yeah.
That's dope.
I know.
Eating your feelings.
Classic stage one denial.
This is not the time, son.
Okay, skipping to stage two.
Anger.
I don't know if you know this, but I'm going for my peer-counseling certification at school.
Of all the people, why would you test me? I need you to share your pain and sign my grief log.
10 hours of hands-on training, and I can walk into any YMCA in the world and set up shizz-op.
Sports, girls, drugs None of this interests you, huh? [Grunts.]
Okay, okay.
Death can be hard to understand.
Sorry about your friend Tommy.
- Tony.
- Tony.
That's my bad.
[Chuckles.]
It's why it's called "training.
" Note to self triple-check name of deceased.
Tony's dead.
Tony is the one that's dead.
Dad's friend Tony is gone forever.
Tony dead Tony.
R.
I.
P.
Tony.
Tony, Tony, Tony.
Ruby: Whoo, here it is! Jesus truly is everywhere.
Thank you for making this sweet potato pie for me, Grandma.
- This is gonna kill at the bake sale.
- Oh, honey! Bake sale? Wait.
Why Why didn't you ask me to make you something? It's a bake sale, not a bake throwaway.
Oh, my God! Grandma's pie! Diane! Diane! Grandma's pie! Come look at Jesus.
Okay, guys, guys.
This is Zoey's pie.
But I can make you a snack.
Who wants celery? Is she serious? Mom, ask that again.
Say it out loud.
Okay, you know I can make things other than celery, right? I can bake.
I can fry.
I can use a, uh, uh, a pressure cooker.
Point to the toaster.
- The t - The toaster.
Where's the toaster? - Th It is - Yep.
Uh-huh.
Hey, hey.
She doesn't know where is.
Mom's a working anesthesiologist.
She doesn't have time to bake snack pies.
Thank you, Zoey.
Or do arts and crafts, - or iron our clothes adequately - What? Or make food that makes people generally happy.
Okay, that's enough, that's enough, that's enough.
No, I honestly think it's cool - that you don't know how to do anything.
- What?! You're not asking the question "Can women have it all?" You're answering.
- No.
They can't.
- No.
- Really, Zoey? - Yeah.
Okay, fine.
You know what? From now on, if you guys need anything, ask me.
Okay? Me.
- Got it.
- Rainbow: Okay.
- Um, Mom? - Yes? Can you ask Grandma to make some more pie? [Ruby laughs.]
Now, for anyone who's never been to a funeral in the hood, no one does it like we do.
And that's probably a good thing.
Tony Thompson may your spirit soar high like this dove.
[Wings flapping, thud.]
[People murmuring.]
They could at least turn the ceiling fan off.
[Ding!.]
[Voice breaking.]
Let me lick you up and down Till you say stop [Sobbing.]
Let me play with your body, baby Make you real hot [Wailing.]
Oh! Why?! You sure know how to stretch 35 bucks.
Thank you, Sha.
- Mabel: Andre.
- Grandma! Pops didn't say you were gonna be here.
Oh, your father's a heavy drinker, baby.
[Chuckles.]
- It's in the blood.
- Yes, it is.
- I pray for you, Dre.
- Mm-hmm.
Bar's open.
Ah, okay.
Don't get too happy, now.
T Will: Hollywood Dre.
T Will! Ah! Good to see you, man.
You looking clean, boy.
What kind of suit is that? Uh, well, you know, I don't even know.
Gucci? Uh Damn! Look, man, it was just a gift.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, how you doing? - I'm great, man.
Just had twins.
- Oh! Well, not twins twins, but I did have two babies at the same time from two different women.
- That's kind of like twins.
- Right? I guess congratulations.
Ha! Ledarius! [Chuckles.]
Come on, man.
Look at you.
Aw, you know I look awful.
I wasn't gonna say it.
Hey, man, what's going on? I can't call it, man, but I do got this new cement business.
I'm killing the hood with it.
I'm doing everything Sidewalks, driveways, walkways, which are sidewalks mixed with driveways.
- Did you know that? - Okay.
You know that new stadium the Rams are building? Yeah.
- I'm not part of that.
- Ah.
Ronnie! Mm! You didn't want to dress up? I You are dressed up.
- Yeah, this is new.
- Yeah.
And just like that, after too much time away, I was back with my crew.
All: Let me lick you up and down Till you say stop Doo-o-o-o Let me play with your body, baby Make you real hot - Oo-o-h - Yeah, we got it! Well, on that one, we got to go.
[Laughter.]
Strong move on them flowers, Dre.
Oh, man.
It was Tony.
Had to be done.
Guess we'll see you at the next funeral, Dre.
Yeah, let's be honest It's probably gonna be somebody from my family.
Or me.
Yeah, it's probably gonna be you, dawg.
You didn't have to say it that fast.
Okay, hey, look.
I don't want to have to wait till the next person's funeral.
Next week - let's watch the game at my house.
- Word? - Bring it thugh, man.
- All right.
Cool.
All right, let's do that.
- That's what we gonna do.
- Indeed.
Barbecue going and everything? Yeah, everything.
We cooking everything.
[Speaks indistinctly.]
- Yo, Dre.
- Mm? How was the repass? Oh, man, it was cool.
Thanks.
You You? I-I'll take this one.
Uh, what's a "repass"? Are you kidding me right now? It's when everybody gets together after the funeral with some food.
- Oh, a wake.
- Oh! A wake.
Well, we call it a repass.
You guys just have to put rims on everything, don't you? You know what? I'm feeling too good right now to let you bring me down with your daily dose of racism.
I went home this weekend.
Ohh.
Ohh.
Wha? To the ghetto? You weren't scared? I went to a concert once at The Forum and immediately canceled all my credit cards.
Not gonna get to me, because it was beautiful.
And even better because I got to help the family a little.
Oh, you paid for the funeral.
That's very classy, Dre.
And it's a tax write-off.
Well, not all of it.
- Did you pay for half? - Not quite.
Charlie: But you are gonna take care of the financial needs of the widow, right? I bought the flowers.
Good God, Dre.
Flowers are just another thing that will die on them.
I guess I could've did a little more.
You got to step your game up, Dre.
Put your crew on your back.
Get your Kevin Garnett on.
Said what? Soccer guy.
Yep, my turn to bite.
My turn to bite.
What exactly is a "Kevin Garnett"? Kevin Garnett was a very successful black basketball player who played for the Boston Celtics.
It's always a basketball player.
Took care of his whole childhood crew.
Called themselves the "O.
B.
F.
" "Official Block Family.
" And in case you're wondering They're not accepting no new members.
A Black Celtic? Dre: Charlie, you're right.
I need to start giving back, looking out for my crew, because that's the dream.
I can tell you without question that is not the dream.
You wouldn't understand, because when you're the successful one in your crew Wait, wait, wait.
Wait one second.
Okay.
- You're the successful one? - Yeah.
Did the bleachers collapse at your graduation? [Laughter.]
Hey, hey, come on.
They collapsed at mine.
- What? - Hmm? Can't believe it's been 50 years already.
Where does the time go? Charlie was right.
I did need to step up, put my crew on my back.
And what better place than my house? Hol-ly-wood! - Nice place you got.
- Thanks, man.
I mean, the patio's a little uneven, but you knew that.
Uh, I did not.
Maybe you can fix it for me.
Yeah, man, that's the great thing about cement You can pretty much pour it on anything.
Damn, Dre.
This house is next level.
How much is your rent? Uh, well, you know, uh, normal house rent.
Hey, man, can you turn on the AC? It's a little toasty in here.
You could take your hoodie off, but then we'll see that weird thing on your neck.
Okay, listen.
I told you it was nothing.
I mean, what are odds of cancer hitting four people in one family? Dre: Hey, you know what? Bow will look at that.
She's got nothing else better to do.
Bow! Jack's hurt! It's bad! What happened? What happened?! No, no, no.
He's fine.
He's fine! - I just need you to look at Ronnie's neck.
- What?! Baby, please don't embarrass me in front of my friends, okay? Ronnie doesn't have a doctor and he needs your help.
Oh, and where's the checkbook? Ledarius, he's gonna cement the patio.
You know what? Can you guys just excuse us for one second? I just want to tell Dre how much I love him.
- Oh, I love you, too, baby.
- [Laughs.]
I do, 'cause I love you, and about how much I love all his choices, and - Right here, right? - Yeah, this is Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is insane.
I'm Kevin Garnett, and they are my O.
B.
F.
T Will: Yo, Dre, this TV is crazy! It's yours! N Wha Dre, what are you doing? I'm saving my crew, damn it! - Are you sure? - Yeah.
Wow! Good looking out, Dre.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Huh? What? - Was that my bike? - Was it? - Yes! I love that bike.
Bow, you never ride it.
Because I'm pregnant, and it's been raining.
Make up your mind, Bow.
Either you're pregnant or it's raining.
Dre, why are you giving away all of our things? We can get more things.
I can't get more friends.
They need my help.
Well, if this is so important to you, why have you never done it before? Because Tony has never died before.
Oh, okay.
- Except for 45 minutes in high school.
- What? That's when we started calling him Zombie T.
- But he's never died and stayed died.
- Oh, my God.
This is a wake-up call, Bow.
I-I'm making up for lost time.
Okay, your heart is in the right place, Dre, but you can't save everybody.
- [Doorbell rings.]
- Yeah Oh.
Oh, Grandma Mabel.
Come on in.
Well, hi! What are you doing here? - I don't know.
- Oh.
- I was watching my stories.
- Mm-hmm? This man driving a car with a pink moustache told me I needed to pack my things and get over here.
- He looked like he meant business.
- Huh.
So here I am.
I sent him, Grandma.
You're safe now.
Now, come on, Grandma.
I'm gonna lay you down on this couch and bring you some hot food.
But I'm not hungry.
I know, Grandma.
I'll be right back.
Look at her.
Poor thing ain't ate in so long she doesn't even know when she's hungry.
Seriously, Dre? I had to take her out of that neighborhood, Bow.
She needs me.
They need me.
You wouldn't understand.
I understand that I have your fifth child in my belly, and I have no backup plan.
Mnh, baby.
Baby, baby, baby, don't listen to her, 'cause she doesn't understand.
This is your family.
You help them however you can.
Thank you, Ma.
- Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm.
- Oh, seriously.
But I hope you're not giving them money.
- Mnh-mnh.
- Stick to the hard goods.
No receipts 'cause they'll just return it for cash.
They're animals.
Mabel, what are you doing here? Mabel: I don't know.
Okay, I think we're good.
Come on.
Hurry, hurry.
So, Grandma's downstairs.
Her sewing machine is in the garage.
Diane: Got it.
- Rainbow: Hey, guys.
- Hey! Hey! What are you guys doing? Nothing.
Just some big-sister, little-sister bonding.
Cut the crap.
What's that behind your back? - Oh, um, just a paper.
Just a paper.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, look at that "Help your kids make a costume for carbohydrate day.
" [Laughs.]
Do you need a costume? No, she just wa Quiet! I'm asking Diane.
Diane, do you need a costume? I need to be a potato.
It's mandatory.
Why? I don't know.
Oh, well, why didn't you ask your mommy for help, sweetie? Don't look at Zoey.
Look at me.
Did you need a costume? Mommy Yes? Can you please make me a potato costume? I would love to! When do you need it by? Tomorrow morning.
Ooh! Okay.
Wow, that's the next morning happening.
I can't order anything online.
You don't need to do it.
No! I want to do it.
[Chuckling.]
I want to do it, okay? It's no problem.
I've got this.
I'm here for you.
I'm gonna make you a potato! Mommy's got this.
[Laughs.]
I got it.
This is gonna go bad for you.
"Operation Save the Hood" was on So many people to save, so little time.
Which is why I stopped to pick up Sha and get breakfast, lunch, and dinner all at once.
Then we got to work [Both snoring.]
after a short nap.
I got T Will some diapers for his version of twins [Ding!.]
who were more twins than I thought.
The moms were sisters who were twins.
Then it was Ronnie's turn.
Not only did I get his surprisingly benign tumor removed, I also got him a vasectomy, 'cause let's be honest, his genes are toxic.
After Ledarius "fixed" my patio, I realized his cement work might not be five-star.
Whoa! [Body thuds.]
So I got him a job.
I was like Robin Hood, but I wasn't stealing.
So I guess I was just a hero Hero, friend, handsome bastard.
[Gasps.]
Ooh! There's my little potato! Hi! Oh, goodness! Don't you just love the imperfect simpleness of a homemade costume? I do not.
Oh, come on, honey.
You're so silly.
This is what happens when you ask Mommy to help you.
And now, for my encore, I am gonna help Jack make a Popsicle-stick pueblo.
Ha! What the hell's a pueblo? I don't really know.
Junior: Something on your mind, something you'd like to talk about? Look, save it.
I'm not weak like the rest of the family.
- Weak? - Mm-hmm.
I'd say it takes strength to wear one of Mom's costumes to school.
The humiliation alone would break most people.
[Scoffs.]
Not me.
I was fine.
Really? Kids can be pretty mean with the teasing and the whispering and the name-calling.
[Sighs.]
[Whispers.]
What did they call you? Nothing.
What did they call you, Diane? [Voice breaking.]
They called me "Poo-tato"! Yes, they did.
So, I was hanging out with my crew again, and I knew they appreciated everything I did for them.
So, how are those diapers working out for you? - Nice, right? - Uh, yeah.
You know, like diapers.
Cool.
No doubt.
Life-changing.
Hey, Ronnie.
Yo, how's that snip, man? - Still working out? - Uh, I guess.
What are you asking me, Dre? Nothing, you know, just making sure I took care of you, 'cause you know that's what I do, right? Hey, look at that waitress.
Hmm? She's sexy as hell, right? Yeah, but you know what else is sexy? Generosity.
You mean, like, sexual generosity? That is hella sexy.
[Laughter.]
No, I mean generosity like taking care of those you came up with.
- Dre, what's up with you, man? - What? No, man.
Dre's right.
Let's raise 'em up to a great friend, and the most generous man we've ever known.
Man, come on.
To a guy who's made all our lives better.
To Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! To Tony? [Bleep.]
Tony.
Mm.
Did Tony buy you diapers, huh? Or get you a job? O-Or fix your disgusting neck? Tony ain't did nothing but die in his sleep.
Whoa.
Damn, Hollywood.
You really on one.
I think it's best if we just walk away.
No, no, no, no, no! I'll get it like I get everything! Hey.
So, how's it coming? - Fine.
- It doesn't look fine.
Did you put in a solid foundation? Of course I put in a solid foundation, Ruby.
Pack it up.
Get out the pueblo.
You made four squares for your base.
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
- [Glass thuds.]
- Oh, God! [Screams.]
Don't you ever lie to me again about a four-square base.
[Sighs.]
Oh, Lord.
Why do you do this to yourself? Sweetheart, listen.
As a mom, you just want to prove to your kids that you can do everything.
Mom, remember when Derek broke up with me? Or when I needed help with my college essay? - [Chuckling.]
Yeah.
- Or when I needed help with anything - that really matters in my life? - Mm.
You don't have to do everything to be everything to us.
Oh, sweetheart.
Thank you.
So, really, please, just stop.
Because, I mean, seriously, if Diane becomes a super villain, "Poo-tato" is why.
[Both laugh.]
So, I had lost my crew and spit on the grave of a dear friend.
But they forced my hand with their ingratitude, so I turned to help those I knew who would be grateful.
Why am I still here? 'Cause I'm saving you.
Look, you don't ever have to go back to the hood, Grandma.
And I'm this close to selling your house.
Are you crazy? You can't sell my house.
That's my house.
This is better.
Look, I'll put you Encino.
You'll love it.
Plus, they got a Sizzler here.
I'm fine where I am.
My friends are nearby, I know all my channels, and I'm right next to the ATM where my money's at.
Boy, take me home.
Yes, ma'am.
[Door closes.]
What are you guys doing here? Came to give you back your stuff.
Where's the back wheel? You gave it to me like this.
- What? - Oh, all right, Dre.
I'll get you another little back wheel.
How much does it cost? Never mind.
You gave it to me like this.
Hey, Dre, we don't need your handouts, bro.
Hold up, man.
Y'all making me out to be the bad guy because I'm trying to help better people's lives? Hold on.
We're good, man.
Yeah, man, I got my cement thing, - and T Will's good with them babies.
- I am.
I mean, don't get me wrong, he is a bad guy.
- A bad dude.
- One of the worst.
All right, yes, they were sisters.
Yes, I sexed them against each other, and, yes, I tore a whole family apart.
But what's that say about me? I'm great at sex.
And he's a good daddy.
Thank you, big homey.
See, look, we're good.
We don't need your stuff.
We just want to be your boys, man.
Hey, man, I want to be your boy, too.
But sometimes I feel bad because I'm the one that made it out.
What you're experiencing is called Survivor's Remorse.
Survivor's Remorse? That sounds stupid.
If you wouldn't mind signing my grief log, I'd be happy to explain it to Junior! Get out! Okay, I get it.
You're lashing out because you're all feeling sad about Tony dead Tony.
Okay.
You know what? I-I-I'm gonna give you guys some time.
I'll leave this right here in case you're ready to sign.
Thank y Look, fellas, I'm sorry I've been acting crazy lately.
And I'm gonna try to stop giving you all stuff.
Whoa, whoa.
Y-You mean moving forward, right, like, post-today? 'C-Cause all this is ours.
Yeah, this is more of a symbolic gesture.
Yeah, something to begin the healing process.
You can just gradually give it to us, you know? - You don't need to stop - Love the bike! So fast.
So, I was back with my boys, and it felt good.
Because we were a crew, and that's for life.
And the fact is, tomorrow's not promised to any of us, so you want to spend as much time as you can with the people you care about.
Because you never know who may be gone too soon
I was also 12 going on 13 the second time I saw a dead human being.
I was 13 going on 14 Anyway, you get it.
I saw some stuff.
But that's the thing when you grow up in a situation like that.
It makes you closer to the people you're living through it with, your crew.
My boy Sha Lover of carbs, destroyer of property.
Ronnie was the athlete of the crew.
T Will was our ladies man.
Ledarius was the wild card.
And Tony Tony was the glue, the peacemaker, always wanted everybody to be cool.
In those days you wanted to be in a crew forever.
But then you grow up, you lose touch, and the calls come less and less until one day, you get the call that you never want to hear.
Tony's dead.
What? That's two double-doubles, two fries, and two Cokes.
[Voice breaking.]
A couple more double-doubles.
[Voice breaking.]
And fries, please? And a couple more shakes.
[Sobbing.]
Chocolate, please.
Not Tony! Man.
I can't believe Tony's gone.
I'm sick of all this violence.
What violence? He died in his sleep.
They shot him while he was sleeping? Savages! No, man, he went to sleep and just didn't wake up.
That can happen? That's a thing? I sleep every night, man.
Hell, sometimes, during the day.
Look, his mom said the funeral's Saturday, and we're gonna chip in for some flowers.
So it'll be $7 apiece.
What kind of funeral flowers can You know what? Don't worry about it.
I'll get them.
- Really? - Yeah.
That's dope.
I know.
Eating your feelings.
Classic stage one denial.
This is not the time, son.
Okay, skipping to stage two.
Anger.
I don't know if you know this, but I'm going for my peer-counseling certification at school.
Of all the people, why would you test me? I need you to share your pain and sign my grief log.
10 hours of hands-on training, and I can walk into any YMCA in the world and set up shizz-op.
Sports, girls, drugs None of this interests you, huh? [Grunts.]
Okay, okay.
Death can be hard to understand.
Sorry about your friend Tommy.
- Tony.
- Tony.
That's my bad.
[Chuckles.]
It's why it's called "training.
" Note to self triple-check name of deceased.
Tony's dead.
Tony is the one that's dead.
Dad's friend Tony is gone forever.
Tony dead Tony.
R.
I.
P.
Tony.
Tony, Tony, Tony.
Ruby: Whoo, here it is! Jesus truly is everywhere.
Thank you for making this sweet potato pie for me, Grandma.
- This is gonna kill at the bake sale.
- Oh, honey! Bake sale? Wait.
Why Why didn't you ask me to make you something? It's a bake sale, not a bake throwaway.
Oh, my God! Grandma's pie! Diane! Diane! Grandma's pie! Come look at Jesus.
Okay, guys, guys.
This is Zoey's pie.
But I can make you a snack.
Who wants celery? Is she serious? Mom, ask that again.
Say it out loud.
Okay, you know I can make things other than celery, right? I can bake.
I can fry.
I can use a, uh, uh, a pressure cooker.
Point to the toaster.
- The t - The toaster.
Where's the toaster? - Th It is - Yep.
Uh-huh.
Hey, hey.
She doesn't know where is.
Mom's a working anesthesiologist.
She doesn't have time to bake snack pies.
Thank you, Zoey.
Or do arts and crafts, - or iron our clothes adequately - What? Or make food that makes people generally happy.
Okay, that's enough, that's enough, that's enough.
No, I honestly think it's cool - that you don't know how to do anything.
- What?! You're not asking the question "Can women have it all?" You're answering.
- No.
They can't.
- No.
- Really, Zoey? - Yeah.
Okay, fine.
You know what? From now on, if you guys need anything, ask me.
Okay? Me.
- Got it.
- Rainbow: Okay.
- Um, Mom? - Yes? Can you ask Grandma to make some more pie? [Ruby laughs.]
Now, for anyone who's never been to a funeral in the hood, no one does it like we do.
And that's probably a good thing.
Tony Thompson may your spirit soar high like this dove.
[Wings flapping, thud.]
[People murmuring.]
They could at least turn the ceiling fan off.
[Ding!.]
[Voice breaking.]
Let me lick you up and down Till you say stop [Sobbing.]
Let me play with your body, baby Make you real hot [Wailing.]
Oh! Why?! You sure know how to stretch 35 bucks.
Thank you, Sha.
- Mabel: Andre.
- Grandma! Pops didn't say you were gonna be here.
Oh, your father's a heavy drinker, baby.
[Chuckles.]
- It's in the blood.
- Yes, it is.
- I pray for you, Dre.
- Mm-hmm.
Bar's open.
Ah, okay.
Don't get too happy, now.
T Will: Hollywood Dre.
T Will! Ah! Good to see you, man.
You looking clean, boy.
What kind of suit is that? Uh, well, you know, I don't even know.
Gucci? Uh Damn! Look, man, it was just a gift.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, how you doing? - I'm great, man.
Just had twins.
- Oh! Well, not twins twins, but I did have two babies at the same time from two different women.
- That's kind of like twins.
- Right? I guess congratulations.
Ha! Ledarius! [Chuckles.]
Come on, man.
Look at you.
Aw, you know I look awful.
I wasn't gonna say it.
Hey, man, what's going on? I can't call it, man, but I do got this new cement business.
I'm killing the hood with it.
I'm doing everything Sidewalks, driveways, walkways, which are sidewalks mixed with driveways.
- Did you know that? - Okay.
You know that new stadium the Rams are building? Yeah.
- I'm not part of that.
- Ah.
Ronnie! Mm! You didn't want to dress up? I You are dressed up.
- Yeah, this is new.
- Yeah.
And just like that, after too much time away, I was back with my crew.
All: Let me lick you up and down Till you say stop Doo-o-o-o Let me play with your body, baby Make you real hot - Oo-o-h - Yeah, we got it! Well, on that one, we got to go.
[Laughter.]
Strong move on them flowers, Dre.
Oh, man.
It was Tony.
Had to be done.
Guess we'll see you at the next funeral, Dre.
Yeah, let's be honest It's probably gonna be somebody from my family.
Or me.
Yeah, it's probably gonna be you, dawg.
You didn't have to say it that fast.
Okay, hey, look.
I don't want to have to wait till the next person's funeral.
Next week - let's watch the game at my house.
- Word? - Bring it thugh, man.
- All right.
Cool.
All right, let's do that.
- That's what we gonna do.
- Indeed.
Barbecue going and everything? Yeah, everything.
We cooking everything.
[Speaks indistinctly.]
- Yo, Dre.
- Mm? How was the repass? Oh, man, it was cool.
Thanks.
You You? I-I'll take this one.
Uh, what's a "repass"? Are you kidding me right now? It's when everybody gets together after the funeral with some food.
- Oh, a wake.
- Oh! A wake.
Well, we call it a repass.
You guys just have to put rims on everything, don't you? You know what? I'm feeling too good right now to let you bring me down with your daily dose of racism.
I went home this weekend.
Ohh.
Ohh.
Wha? To the ghetto? You weren't scared? I went to a concert once at The Forum and immediately canceled all my credit cards.
Not gonna get to me, because it was beautiful.
And even better because I got to help the family a little.
Oh, you paid for the funeral.
That's very classy, Dre.
And it's a tax write-off.
Well, not all of it.
- Did you pay for half? - Not quite.
Charlie: But you are gonna take care of the financial needs of the widow, right? I bought the flowers.
Good God, Dre.
Flowers are just another thing that will die on them.
I guess I could've did a little more.
You got to step your game up, Dre.
Put your crew on your back.
Get your Kevin Garnett on.
Said what? Soccer guy.
Yep, my turn to bite.
My turn to bite.
What exactly is a "Kevin Garnett"? Kevin Garnett was a very successful black basketball player who played for the Boston Celtics.
It's always a basketball player.
Took care of his whole childhood crew.
Called themselves the "O.
B.
F.
" "Official Block Family.
" And in case you're wondering They're not accepting no new members.
A Black Celtic? Dre: Charlie, you're right.
I need to start giving back, looking out for my crew, because that's the dream.
I can tell you without question that is not the dream.
You wouldn't understand, because when you're the successful one in your crew Wait, wait, wait.
Wait one second.
Okay.
- You're the successful one? - Yeah.
Did the bleachers collapse at your graduation? [Laughter.]
Hey, hey, come on.
They collapsed at mine.
- What? - Hmm? Can't believe it's been 50 years already.
Where does the time go? Charlie was right.
I did need to step up, put my crew on my back.
And what better place than my house? Hol-ly-wood! - Nice place you got.
- Thanks, man.
I mean, the patio's a little uneven, but you knew that.
Uh, I did not.
Maybe you can fix it for me.
Yeah, man, that's the great thing about cement You can pretty much pour it on anything.
Damn, Dre.
This house is next level.
How much is your rent? Uh, well, you know, uh, normal house rent.
Hey, man, can you turn on the AC? It's a little toasty in here.
You could take your hoodie off, but then we'll see that weird thing on your neck.
Okay, listen.
I told you it was nothing.
I mean, what are odds of cancer hitting four people in one family? Dre: Hey, you know what? Bow will look at that.
She's got nothing else better to do.
Bow! Jack's hurt! It's bad! What happened? What happened?! No, no, no.
He's fine.
He's fine! - I just need you to look at Ronnie's neck.
- What?! Baby, please don't embarrass me in front of my friends, okay? Ronnie doesn't have a doctor and he needs your help.
Oh, and where's the checkbook? Ledarius, he's gonna cement the patio.
You know what? Can you guys just excuse us for one second? I just want to tell Dre how much I love him.
- Oh, I love you, too, baby.
- [Laughs.]
I do, 'cause I love you, and about how much I love all his choices, and - Right here, right? - Yeah, this is Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is insane.
I'm Kevin Garnett, and they are my O.
B.
F.
T Will: Yo, Dre, this TV is crazy! It's yours! N Wha Dre, what are you doing? I'm saving my crew, damn it! - Are you sure? - Yeah.
Wow! Good looking out, Dre.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Huh? What? - Was that my bike? - Was it? - Yes! I love that bike.
Bow, you never ride it.
Because I'm pregnant, and it's been raining.
Make up your mind, Bow.
Either you're pregnant or it's raining.
Dre, why are you giving away all of our things? We can get more things.
I can't get more friends.
They need my help.
Well, if this is so important to you, why have you never done it before? Because Tony has never died before.
Oh, okay.
- Except for 45 minutes in high school.
- What? That's when we started calling him Zombie T.
- But he's never died and stayed died.
- Oh, my God.
This is a wake-up call, Bow.
I-I'm making up for lost time.
Okay, your heart is in the right place, Dre, but you can't save everybody.
- [Doorbell rings.]
- Yeah Oh.
Oh, Grandma Mabel.
Come on in.
Well, hi! What are you doing here? - I don't know.
- Oh.
- I was watching my stories.
- Mm-hmm? This man driving a car with a pink moustache told me I needed to pack my things and get over here.
- He looked like he meant business.
- Huh.
So here I am.
I sent him, Grandma.
You're safe now.
Now, come on, Grandma.
I'm gonna lay you down on this couch and bring you some hot food.
But I'm not hungry.
I know, Grandma.
I'll be right back.
Look at her.
Poor thing ain't ate in so long she doesn't even know when she's hungry.
Seriously, Dre? I had to take her out of that neighborhood, Bow.
She needs me.
They need me.
You wouldn't understand.
I understand that I have your fifth child in my belly, and I have no backup plan.
Mnh, baby.
Baby, baby, baby, don't listen to her, 'cause she doesn't understand.
This is your family.
You help them however you can.
Thank you, Ma.
- Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm.
- Oh, seriously.
But I hope you're not giving them money.
- Mnh-mnh.
- Stick to the hard goods.
No receipts 'cause they'll just return it for cash.
They're animals.
Mabel, what are you doing here? Mabel: I don't know.
Okay, I think we're good.
Come on.
Hurry, hurry.
So, Grandma's downstairs.
Her sewing machine is in the garage.
Diane: Got it.
- Rainbow: Hey, guys.
- Hey! Hey! What are you guys doing? Nothing.
Just some big-sister, little-sister bonding.
Cut the crap.
What's that behind your back? - Oh, um, just a paper.
Just a paper.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, look at that "Help your kids make a costume for carbohydrate day.
" [Laughs.]
Do you need a costume? No, she just wa Quiet! I'm asking Diane.
Diane, do you need a costume? I need to be a potato.
It's mandatory.
Why? I don't know.
Oh, well, why didn't you ask your mommy for help, sweetie? Don't look at Zoey.
Look at me.
Did you need a costume? Mommy Yes? Can you please make me a potato costume? I would love to! When do you need it by? Tomorrow morning.
Ooh! Okay.
Wow, that's the next morning happening.
I can't order anything online.
You don't need to do it.
No! I want to do it.
[Chuckling.]
I want to do it, okay? It's no problem.
I've got this.
I'm here for you.
I'm gonna make you a potato! Mommy's got this.
[Laughs.]
I got it.
This is gonna go bad for you.
"Operation Save the Hood" was on So many people to save, so little time.
Which is why I stopped to pick up Sha and get breakfast, lunch, and dinner all at once.
Then we got to work [Both snoring.]
after a short nap.
I got T Will some diapers for his version of twins [Ding!.]
who were more twins than I thought.
The moms were sisters who were twins.
Then it was Ronnie's turn.
Not only did I get his surprisingly benign tumor removed, I also got him a vasectomy, 'cause let's be honest, his genes are toxic.
After Ledarius "fixed" my patio, I realized his cement work might not be five-star.
Whoa! [Body thuds.]
So I got him a job.
I was like Robin Hood, but I wasn't stealing.
So I guess I was just a hero Hero, friend, handsome bastard.
[Gasps.]
Ooh! There's my little potato! Hi! Oh, goodness! Don't you just love the imperfect simpleness of a homemade costume? I do not.
Oh, come on, honey.
You're so silly.
This is what happens when you ask Mommy to help you.
And now, for my encore, I am gonna help Jack make a Popsicle-stick pueblo.
Ha! What the hell's a pueblo? I don't really know.
Junior: Something on your mind, something you'd like to talk about? Look, save it.
I'm not weak like the rest of the family.
- Weak? - Mm-hmm.
I'd say it takes strength to wear one of Mom's costumes to school.
The humiliation alone would break most people.
[Scoffs.]
Not me.
I was fine.
Really? Kids can be pretty mean with the teasing and the whispering and the name-calling.
[Sighs.]
[Whispers.]
What did they call you? Nothing.
What did they call you, Diane? [Voice breaking.]
They called me "Poo-tato"! Yes, they did.
So, I was hanging out with my crew again, and I knew they appreciated everything I did for them.
So, how are those diapers working out for you? - Nice, right? - Uh, yeah.
You know, like diapers.
Cool.
No doubt.
Life-changing.
Hey, Ronnie.
Yo, how's that snip, man? - Still working out? - Uh, I guess.
What are you asking me, Dre? Nothing, you know, just making sure I took care of you, 'cause you know that's what I do, right? Hey, look at that waitress.
Hmm? She's sexy as hell, right? Yeah, but you know what else is sexy? Generosity.
You mean, like, sexual generosity? That is hella sexy.
[Laughter.]
No, I mean generosity like taking care of those you came up with.
- Dre, what's up with you, man? - What? No, man.
Dre's right.
Let's raise 'em up to a great friend, and the most generous man we've ever known.
Man, come on.
To a guy who's made all our lives better.
To Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! To Tony? [Bleep.]
Tony.
Mm.
Did Tony buy you diapers, huh? Or get you a job? O-Or fix your disgusting neck? Tony ain't did nothing but die in his sleep.
Whoa.
Damn, Hollywood.
You really on one.
I think it's best if we just walk away.
No, no, no, no, no! I'll get it like I get everything! Hey.
So, how's it coming? - Fine.
- It doesn't look fine.
Did you put in a solid foundation? Of course I put in a solid foundation, Ruby.
Pack it up.
Get out the pueblo.
You made four squares for your base.
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
- [Glass thuds.]
- Oh, God! [Screams.]
Don't you ever lie to me again about a four-square base.
[Sighs.]
Oh, Lord.
Why do you do this to yourself? Sweetheart, listen.
As a mom, you just want to prove to your kids that you can do everything.
Mom, remember when Derek broke up with me? Or when I needed help with my college essay? - [Chuckling.]
Yeah.
- Or when I needed help with anything - that really matters in my life? - Mm.
You don't have to do everything to be everything to us.
Oh, sweetheart.
Thank you.
So, really, please, just stop.
Because, I mean, seriously, if Diane becomes a super villain, "Poo-tato" is why.
[Both laugh.]
So, I had lost my crew and spit on the grave of a dear friend.
But they forced my hand with their ingratitude, so I turned to help those I knew who would be grateful.
Why am I still here? 'Cause I'm saving you.
Look, you don't ever have to go back to the hood, Grandma.
And I'm this close to selling your house.
Are you crazy? You can't sell my house.
That's my house.
This is better.
Look, I'll put you Encino.
You'll love it.
Plus, they got a Sizzler here.
I'm fine where I am.
My friends are nearby, I know all my channels, and I'm right next to the ATM where my money's at.
Boy, take me home.
Yes, ma'am.
[Door closes.]
What are you guys doing here? Came to give you back your stuff.
Where's the back wheel? You gave it to me like this.
- What? - Oh, all right, Dre.
I'll get you another little back wheel.
How much does it cost? Never mind.
You gave it to me like this.
Hey, Dre, we don't need your handouts, bro.
Hold up, man.
Y'all making me out to be the bad guy because I'm trying to help better people's lives? Hold on.
We're good, man.
Yeah, man, I got my cement thing, - and T Will's good with them babies.
- I am.
I mean, don't get me wrong, he is a bad guy.
- A bad dude.
- One of the worst.
All right, yes, they were sisters.
Yes, I sexed them against each other, and, yes, I tore a whole family apart.
But what's that say about me? I'm great at sex.
And he's a good daddy.
Thank you, big homey.
See, look, we're good.
We don't need your stuff.
We just want to be your boys, man.
Hey, man, I want to be your boy, too.
But sometimes I feel bad because I'm the one that made it out.
What you're experiencing is called Survivor's Remorse.
Survivor's Remorse? That sounds stupid.
If you wouldn't mind signing my grief log, I'd be happy to explain it to Junior! Get out! Okay, I get it.
You're lashing out because you're all feeling sad about Tony dead Tony.
Okay.
You know what? I-I-I'm gonna give you guys some time.
I'll leave this right here in case you're ready to sign.
Thank y Look, fellas, I'm sorry I've been acting crazy lately.
And I'm gonna try to stop giving you all stuff.
Whoa, whoa.
Y-You mean moving forward, right, like, post-today? 'C-Cause all this is ours.
Yeah, this is more of a symbolic gesture.
Yeah, something to begin the healing process.
You can just gradually give it to us, you know? - You don't need to stop - Love the bike! So fast.
So, I was back with my boys, and it felt good.
Because we were a crew, and that's for life.
And the fact is, tomorrow's not promised to any of us, so you want to spend as much time as you can with the people you care about.
Because you never know who may be gone too soon