Chuck s03e15 Episode Script
Chuck Versus the Role Models
This is my boss, Charles Bartowski a computer repairman with all the government's secrets in his head.
This is his girl, Sarah Walker a CIA agent with more than just killer looks.
And when these two spies first met it was love at first fight.
That's where I come in.
I'm Morgan.
It's my job to keep an eye on the both of them which isn't always easy.
Oh, hey, dude.
I had the most incredible dream, man.
- I was - Hey.
Uh.
Do you want some? Hello? Morgan? Hi.
Do you want some orange juice? Orange juice? Orange juice.
Absolutely.
Man, that sounds good.
Vitamin D's are very important Vitamin C's.
- Vitamin C, singular.
- Great.
Ahem.
Sorry.
Yeah, no, I just The jug's so big.
Jug I'm sorry, I.
I hate you, Chuck.
I hate you.
- Good morning, buddy.
- Okay, I get it.
You're having tons of sex.
Congratulations, Warren Beatty.
- Who said anything about? - Big, goofy grin said it.
And it's an insult for us living in the apartment who aren't having sex.
- Which is me.
- Sorry.
Sorry about that.
I'm just really happy.
Well, duh.
You're dating a leggy Valkyrie.
Says the guy who likes to sleep in the nude, au buffo? Oh, well, I've actually made the very painful concession of wearing pajamas.
You never know when she's gonna be stopping by now and Count on Sarah being here every night because I'm about to ask her if she wants to move in.
Okay.
Well, you two probably have a lot to talk about.
Hi.
I was gonna surprise you take you out to a nice dinner and give you your own key.
But how would you like to move in? Why would we do that? Why? Well, because I figured since you're sleeping here most nights anyway We're not a normal couple, so why pretend like we have a normal life? - Who's pretending? - I didn't mean it like that.
I love working with you and I love being with you so why mess with a good thing, right? - We can talk more after work.
- Right, yeah.
Yeah, we'll talk more after work, because I know how good a thing this is.
- What are you doing? - Well, I left my gun in my hotel room.
No, what are you doing storing your guns in my couch? Morgan could find those.
What, you've not heard of the 30-foot rule? As a matter of fact, no.
A good agent should never be without a weapon.
Ever heard of the Bartowski rule? No firearms in my apartment.
Well, not if you want to live with a spy.
Hey, Chuck.
Got your message.
Everything's fine.
We can't talk.
We're moving to a new clinic.
We're here, babe.
Hang up.
Love you.
Bye.
Excuse me.
Doctors Without Borders.
Any idea where the field clinic is? Nothing? Babe, I think this is the clinic.
I have seen more patients in two weeks than I've seen in my first few years as a doctor.
Any idea who the men with the guns are? The UN wear blue berets and the FDLR wear black berets.
But Devon, these guys aren't wearing any berets.
Hey.
Hey.
- Whoever they are, they're in charge.
Keep it moving.
Honey, what have we gotten ourselves into? Remember what they said about this being the toughest job you'll love? - We're making a difference.
- I know, I know.
I know.
What's getting to me is the not showering and the not sleeping, and the not knowing who the men with the guns are.
Well, how about a date night? I'll cook dinner for you tonight.
- Just you and me under the stars.
- Okay.
I'm sure it'll clear up any minute.
You lead the way.
- Over here.
Follow me.
You're in charge.
What do you mean we're not in charge? - Are you demoting us, general? No.
You will be acting in an observational capacity on this mission.
The primary agents are named Craig and Laura Turner.
Never heard of them.
AKA George and Bitsy Witherspoon? The CIA team who stopped the Air France hijacking in '86? AKA John and Suzie Smythe.
The ones who broke up the Uranium smuggling ring in '91.
I could go on and on listing the Turners' aliases and accomplishments.
So they've been around the CIA block.
That's good for them.
They have also been married for the last 30 years, more or less.
And this is relevant to us how? As long as you and Agent Bartowski insist on keeping a personal relationship I insist you learn how to go about it properly.
Your mission is to watch and learn from the best couple the CIA has produced.
And you, Colonel Casey I'll head down to Pendleton, recertify my weapons training.
It's not your training that concerns me.
I'm talking about Morgan Grimes.
It was your idea to make him a part of the team.
It's your job to make him field-ready.
- You can't be serious.
- He's a diamond in the rough.
Very, very rough, but I'm sure you'll make him sparkle.
Diamond.
Diamond in the rough.
Would you please sit down? You're making me nervous.
The Turners are gonna be here any minute.
- You've never met a CIA agent before? - You ? What ? Come on.
You heard.
These guys are the best.
They're a super spy couple.
I don't want them thinking we're a couple of rubes.
What a dump.
Can you imagine being stationed here? Remember when the CIA held rooms for us at the Grand Ambassador? Ah.
Ha-ha.
The salad days.
What'd you say their names were again? I believe their names are Bertruski or Bertrowski.
Something ethnic.
Two young agency hotshots.
They're here.
Dear God, it's us 30 years ago.
Look, Sarah, that's us in 30 years.
So there you have it: Operation Mongoose.
Made it out of Berlin with half the KGB on my tail.
If it hadn't been for that woman in the fur coat with the AK-47 Enough with the Cold War stories, darling.
- You're boring our hosts.
No, no, no.
This is fascinating to me at least.
A toast, Charles, to old spy stories.
Oh, Mrs.
Turner, can I get you a drink? No, thank you.
I'm fine with my water.
The wife does not partake so I guess I'll just have to toast for both of us.
A serviceable Manhattan, Charles.
- Something wrong with your cherry? - Actually, a true Manhattan is made with a rare and delicate marasca cherry.
The only place you can find those here in L.
A.
would be - The Grand Ambassador.
- Grand Ambassador.
Don't be a booze snob, darling.
Getting back to your story.
The woman in the fur coat I'm assuming, was you, Mrs.
Turner? - Mm.
That's how you met? - How we got divorced.
The hussy in the fur was a Russian double agent.
- I thought the two of you were married.
- Remarried.
Three times.
Some women are too special to marry just once.
My, look at the time.
- Goodness, we'd better get going.
- Oh, so soon? This has been just great.
Sarah and I cannot wait to work with you.
Oh, you won't have to.
- The mission is tonight, Charles.
The target is Otto Von Vogel.
Otto has created a decryption program that could render CIA security useless.
Tonight's party is a smoke screen for him to meet potential buyers.
Our job is to access Otto's master suite where he stores the software.
- Okay.
What do you want us to do? Your job: Watch and learn.
I can't wait to watch these two in action.
It is gonna be great.
What? So, what are Chuck and Sarah up to? - Some sort of sexy spy dinner party? - Shh.
Oh, right.
Sorry, sorry.
I don't know.
This whole G-man gig is starting to become a snore.
- When am I gonna hurt some terrorists? - Hey.
Whatever it is you think you know about being a spy, you're wrong.
Okay.
You're a child.
You're a liability to the team.
You're not doing anything until you've been properly trained.
Does that mean? - Can't believe I'm gonna say this.
- I'm going to Langley.
You're not going anywhere, jackass.
I can teach you everything you need to know right here in the store.
Come on.
Start with the neck thing.
So that's Otto, I take it.
Avoid him and his guards.
If anyone asks who you are, tell them you're our nephew, Bernard.
Actually, tell them she's our niece.
- No offense, Charles.
- No, none taken.
- Shall we work the room first? - After you, my love.
Here we go.
How's the tennis elbow, Monty? Can I give you a word of advice? Eat and rest.
See, consummate professionals.
I mean, what do you think makes them such a great spy team? - A lifetime of training.
- Very funny.
I'm talking about them being a couple.
I can't believe the CIA doesn't hire more.
- They're not that great.
- Oh.
Don't be jealous.
I'm not jealous.
I'm just saying they're not that great.
Sarah, we, ahem, may have a slight problem.
- There you are Otto, old boy.
- We heard you were in town and assumed you were having a party.
I don't recall putting you two on the guest list.
I'm just kidding.
Look at your faces.
Oh, Otto, you are terrible.
As they say in my country, mein haus ist ihr haus.
Textbook subversion.
Not bad.
You know, we could take a page out of the Turners' playbook.
- You're not gonna ask me to move in.
- No.
Well, not now.
Maybe later.
At ease.
There are three qualities that make an effective agent.
- Subversion.
Stealth.
- Me.
Me.
- Strength.
- Eh.
First things first.
See that customer over there? Oh, my goodness.
Super hottie? - Yeah, I clocked her when she came in.
- I want you to get her phone number.
Ha-ha.
Right.
No, seriously, what's the first step? A spy must be able to manipulate any target at any time.
In the field, it can make the difference between life and death.
Copy that.
Yes, sir.
Okay.
Ooh.
What about her, though? Silver-tops really eat me up.
Oof! You have your target.
Engage.
How you doing? - You're okay? - Get on with it.
Hmm.
Target has been neutralized.
I thought Bartowski was hopeless.
I'm not sure where the Turners went.
Maybe they already made their move.
I thought she said she didn't drink.
Yeah.
Hit me.
Hi.
Hi, Mrs.
Turner.
Uh.
Sarah and I were wondering if the mission is going according to plan.
Is something wrong? Her.
It's disgusting.
Man's old enough to be her father.
Perhaps he's just giving her some fatherly advice? Bastard left his mike on.
You are a very naughty girl.
It's too bad my wife is here.
Perhaps we can hook up later at my hotel.
The man's nothing but a CIA-sanctioned gigolo.
Oh.
You don't mean that.
- Oh.
Wait, where are you going? - Upstairs to steal the software.
At least one of us is still a professional.
- I'll handle this.
Here, let me.
- Get your hands off me.
- You're fighting me.
- Don't touch.
- You're making a scene.
- Don't touch me! Dear Lord, my back.
- Oh, this is not good.
It's an old service injury.
Oh, you threw your back out with a Havana hooker.
All in the line of duty.
Right.
- Give us a moment.
It'll fix itself.
- Don't start with me.
The back, not her.
We should get out of here before they blow all of our covers.
Don't touch me! - What about the software? - Let's show the Turners how it's done.
Is there a nurse here? Someone in a short skirt? Master suite.
Master suite.
- Master suite.
- Yeah.
Otto's safe has to be around here somewhere.
- Gesundheit.
- Thank you.
There's gotta be a cat around here.
My allergies are going crazy.
Whoa.
Hey.
Look at this.
Our buddy Otto's into some kinky stuff even by German standards.
- Chuck? - Yeah.
Put the whip down.
Why? Not a fan of the whip, are you, big fella? I'll just put this away and let you get back to your catnap.
Aah! - Chuck? - Mm-hm? - Run.
- Yeah, go, go, go! Go.
The software.
The software is on the tiger's collar.
If I just had my tranq gun.
No.
No, that's not a tranq gun.
I am not letting you shoot.
They are majestic.
- Do you have better ideas? - What we need to be asking is what would the Turners do? To survive in the field, an agent has to employ stealth.
Good.
Are you kidding me? I move like a cat.
I want you to steal something for me.
Look at these hands.
Nimble.
Steal anything.
- Look at this.
Boom.
Done.
- No.
I have something a little more difficult in mind.
- Oh, come on, really? - Suck it up.
Target acquired.
Okay, the Turners aren't perfect.
I'm willing to modify my opinion.
She's a drunk and he's a philanderer.
They're a total mess.
They're not without their charms.
There could be worse people we could turn into.
I would rather be eaten alive by a tiger.
I am done waiting for Otto to find us.
Let's get the software and get out of here.
I've heard that noise before.
That sounds like.
Your mission, moron, is to steal Big Mike's key card.
See? What did I tell you? Sleeping just like Big Mike after eating a baker's dozen.
- Okay.
Shh.
- Shh.
- Give me the gun.
I'll cover you.
- No, I'll cover you.
- You get the collar.
- No, trust me.
You have that feline instinct.
I know how to use a gun better than you do.
Don't think that's a great idea.
- Just do it.
- Okay, fine.
Oh, my God! Aah! Why didn't you shoot it? It was about to eat me.
- You said he was majestic.
- He is a little majestic.
Grimes? I told you I don't like people looking at me when I'm asleep.
Mm-hm.
I know, it's just you had me so worried.
I thought you were dead.
- What's in your hand? - Your key card.
Yeah, and I thought it was cutting off your air supply, your air pipe.
Your esophagi.
Then I'm looking at it and there's jelly.
- Give me that.
- Yeah.
Take it.
I was going to wash it - I'm a grown man.
- You are.
- I can clean up after myself.
- Naturally.
But you can get me another one of those doughnuts.
Thank you for going to all this trouble.
Babe, I'm your husband.
- It's my job to take care of you, honey.
- Still, I feel silly.
There's people here with real problems.
You get to feel how you feel.
It's a lot to adjust to.
I guess I'm having a hard time shaking the whole city-girl thing.
I'm sort of out of my element.
I'm not really an outdoorsy type.
Don't move, babe.
- Devon, what are you looking at? - Don't breathe.
Do not move.
Devon.
It's okay.
It's okay.
You're the new guys, right? The husband-and-wife team? Yeah, I'm Justin.
Camp security coordinator.
Might wanna set up camp a little further away from the perimeter.
The animals get a little curious at night.
- You okay, honey? - Oh, gosh.
We're making a difference.
Sorry I wasn't around when you arrived.
Outside of your snake, we're very grateful to have you here.
- We need all the doctors we can find.
- Thanks.
Yeah, anytime.
And welcome to Africa.
- Yeah.
- Ha-ha.
We're okay.
You all right? We're all right.
Okay, here's the deal.
We'll call the Turners from the road.
Impressive.
You know, I didn't think they had it in them.
Ha.
What are you guys doing? We're teaching you something about spying.
Lesson one, trust no one.
Except your partner, of course.
- We'll take Otto's software.
- What? No, no.
You're the Turners.
You can't be doing this to us.
Don't feel bad, Charles.
We're the best at this.
What do you mean, they went rogue? General, Mrs.
Turner pulled a gun on me.
And might I add, I think she may have a bit of a problem with the sauce.
The Turners stole Otto's software.
The Turners are two of the most decorated spies in the CIA.
There must be some explanation for their behavior.
I suggest you find it.
I'd track them down if you wanna ask them yourself.
Colonel, you have your mission.
Oh, yeah, how is that field training with Morgan going? He makes you look like a natural-born operative.
If you can't make Morgan Grimes field-ready I'm sending you both to boot camp in Pendleton.
That is all.
Great.
This is just great.
This is perfect.
Not only did the Turners sell us out, but they make us look like amateurs.
- Chuck, why are you doing dishes? - Please.
I'm a Bartowski.
This is what we do to deal with stress.
Okay, I can see that you're upset.
The Turners were supposed to be our role models.
Instead, they turn out to be coldhearted double-crossing traitors.
- Now you're never gonna move in.
- Chuck, we're not the Turners.
I know.
But I liked the idea that we could become them.
Right now, we really need to focus on finding them.
Sarah, how? The Turners have been spying for 30 years.
They've got dozens of aliases and a million places they could disappear to.
Whatever beach they're on now, I hope Mr.
Turner's enjoying his Manhattan.
- The Grand Ambassador.
- What? He said that was the only place in Los Angeles that had the right kind of cherries.
Hold on a second.
Hold on.
You don't think they're still here, do you? Well, they might if they already had a buyer for the software.
They picked the wrong couple to stab in the back.
This is how I deal with stress.
Here we go.
Yes, she's gonna help you.
Can you take care of this lady? Thank you.
Hey, it's Chuck.
Leave a message.
Hi.
I don't know if you got any of my other messages, Chuck.
I don't know.
It's just kind of helping me to talk them out over the machine.
I can't really talk to Devon about anything.
He's, like, born to be here.
Villagers love him, have this nickname for him.
I can't pronounce it in Bantu, but it translates to "Dr.
Super Fantastic White Person.
" I'm just tired.
I'm just tired, and I'll feel better when I get some sleep.
Okay, I love you and I miss you.
I'll talk to you soon.
Ellie.
- Yeah? - How are you? - Great.
If you ever need to talk, come to me.
- It's just one of my jobs.
- I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Good.
I'm not fine.
I have a little brother and we used to camp out in our backyard.
I would pitch a tent and make s'mores, the whole thing.
He'd fall asleep and I'd sneak inside and set the alarm and get in there before he could wake up.
I just.
- Justin, I'm not built for this.
- That's not true.
I've seen you with your patients.
You are built for being a doctor here.
Now, it might take some time to get used to the other stuff but it's worth it.
The ears look clear.
This is my daughter.
- Thank you, Justin.
- You're welcome.
Mm.
I can get used to this.
You will, darling, as soon as we make the sale.
Thirty years, we always did what's right.
I keep thinking of those poor, young agents.
- What a pair of saps.
- They reminded me of us.
I hope we didn't hurt their career.
They never had a career, not with the CIA.
You saw how they looked at each other.
They're obviously in love.
- And we're not? - Oh, no, no, we're still in love.
A different sort of love.
It's just more like an old bourbon.
- So now I'm old? - Aged to perfection, my dear.
What about that jailbait at the party? You trying to cork a younger vintage? I see where you're going.
No, she was just part of the mission.
- A diversion.
- How many times have I heard that? She was planning on having breast surgery, and she asked my advice.
- You'd like to give her an operation.
- She was in awe of me.
If not in love.
Room service.
Go ahead and leave it.
All clear.
"Compliments of the Bartowskis.
" Darling, do you know any Bartowski? How did you ever find us? You're the only room that ordered 12 Manhattans.
We learned from the best.
What? Are you kidding me? Sig 229, nine millimeter, Laser grip, full-metal jacket, sir.
- Impressive.
- I play a lot of first-person shooters.
Well, this isn't a video game.
Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Thank you.
Okay, all right.
Here we go.
No problem.
Morgan, you got this.
Like "Call of Duty.
" Squeeze the trigger.
Oh! Holy cow! I think your gun just exploded in my hand! Sit down.
There's nothing wrong with the gun.
- Sit down.
- I think I should - Sit.
- Yes, sir.
You're firing me, aren't you? Oh, my God.
This is even worse than when I got canned from Underpants, Etc.
It's not the end of the world.
Oh, come on.
That's what you all say when you fire me.
I blew it.
I blew my one chance to be a spy and the thing is, Casey all I wanted to do was be a part of this team.
Know how you feel.
You were there for me when I was out on my ass with the agency.
I just want you to know I'm here for you now.
Really? Not just like spy or work or Buy More.
You mean like a friend.
Let's just keep that on the down low, huh? Done.
But know something.
I've been canned from a lot of places by a lot of people and you were the best, sir.
Whew! Let's not let ourselves get carried away here, Charles.
I'm sorry, is that what you think? That I'm getting carried away? How did you think we would react? What have we really done at this point, Sarah? We didn't sell Otto's software, so technically, we're not yet traitors.
- Am I correct? - It was his idea to steal it.
He forced me to act like a drunk at the party.
I only wish his lecherous Lothario routine was an act.
She's lying.
I wanted to bring the software back.
It was her idea to sell it on the black market.
You can't lie to them.
You can lie to me.
- Your duplicity amazes me.
- Quiet! Enough, okay? It is one thing to betray your agency, it is another to betray your partner.
You were supposed to come here and teach us.
Teach us how to be a great spy couple.
You really think we're that bad? Only because you were once great, yeah.
We were great, remember? Check back with me in 30 years, Charles.
The CIA has a way of breaking young idealists.
Especially if they're in love.
Good, the marshals are here.
It's Otto.
And his pussycat.
How did your good friend Otto find us? Did you two sell us out again? The collar has a tracking device.
Where do you keep your backup guns? Surely, you've heard of the 30-foot rule, Charles.
Yeah.
Time to flash, time to flash.
No guns, no flash.
Honey, would you mind telling me what you've done with our weapons? I got rid of them.
- You listened to me? - I can't believe it.
- What have you done with the gun? - I left them.
- Why would you? - Because you told me to.
- Rookies.
Take care of them.
I'll take care of Otto.
You're making a big mistake.
Hi, how you doing? Good Lord.
Sorry to drop in on you like this.
Sasha always feels at home wherever she goes.
You don't mind if she looks around? - What? What's going on? - Who are you people? You know exactly who I am.
The question is, who are you? Wait a minute.
You're the guy.
Baby, this is the guy with the mansion up in the hills.
Oh, I told you this would happen.
I'm so sorry.
My boyfriend thinks that it's really funny to crash rich people's parties.
- Where are the two agents you're hiding? - I'm sorry, what? I believe you know them as Mr.
and Mrs.
Turner.
I'm a little confused here.
Why would CIA agents be in our apartment? Because this isn't a real apartment.
This is a CIA safe house.
And you two are not a real couple.
You are spies.
Ah.
I'm on to you.
This is a practical joke, isn't it? I bet this is from your brother.
Okay, you're a spy, honey.
We're spies.
- Scary spies.
- I've always felt - I've got a James Bondy thing.
You do.
- You could be Octopussy or something.
- Oh, yeah.
Now you're being really insulting.
Listen, whoever you are all I ask is that you hand over the Turners.
You have until the count of drei.
Stop.
Please stop with the countdown.
If I could just have a brief sidebar with my girlfriend, that would be great.
Good.
Thanks.
These guys really take it seriously.
Ha-ha.
This is very good.
Very real.
I say we hand them over.
- We can't do that.
- They sold us out.
We'd be no better than the Turners.
Maybe we're gonna end up just like them, a couple of traitors.
Do you really believe that? No.
I'm sorry, sir.
But I really I don't think we can help you.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Guard them.
- Yeah, I don't think that kitty litter box is big enough.
Good girl, Sasha.
Take her outside.
- Sure you're all right? - Yeah.
Espionage wasn't my aspiration.
I can join the competitive eating circuit.
Well, dare to dream.
The Turners are very clever.
- It appears the guests left in a hurry.
- This is unbelievable.
The Turners have left us holding the bag again? I can assure you this will be the last time.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Otto.
The Turners have betrayed us both.
That means that we're all on the same side.
Put your guns down, and let us help you hunt down those bastards.
They're the lowest of the low, okay? CIA scum.
Let them go, Otto.
But they're not without their moments.
What the hell is this? What is it, Casey? What? Bengal tiger.
Female.
Fully grown.
Avoid eye contact.
If she charges make yourself as big as possible.
Easy for you to say.
It's us you want.
We've got the software.
What are you two doing? Showing you we're not traitors, Charles.
What should we do? - Shh.
You're gonna get us killed.
No.
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
Just hear me out.
This country needs men like you, Casey.
Okay? What do I do? I sell refrigerators.
You know, I mean if I die, what, they'll shop at Large Mart.
Big deal.
But there is a way I can serve my country.
- What are you doing? - I'm luring the tiger.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
No matter what you hear in there promise me you will not go in after me.
Semper Fidizzle! Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Sasha.
Okay.
- Told you I was good for something.
- Yeah.
Move.
We have to bring you in.
You know I can't let you go.
That's funny.
I would have said the same thing 30 years ago.
After what we did, you would have shot us dead.
Which would be perfectly justifiable.
And yet unnecessary.
Wouldn't you agree, Sarah? After all, they did save us.
Sorry, darling.
It's over.
It's okay.
Good work, team.
Our cryptographers are analyzing Otto's software as we speak.
Thanks to you, our nation's communications network And now, on to the subject of the Turners and their actions.
Actually, if I might say something on behalf of the Turners - General.
- No, Sarah.
I think I No, Chuck.
It's okay.
I got it.
The Turner's double-cross was actually a triple-cross.
By stealing the software from us, they were able to lure Otto into a trap.
And we were able to capture him.
It was a daring bit of spy craft.
I would expect nothing less from the Turners.
I hope you and Agent Bartowski were able to learn something from these two exemplary operatives.
As a matter of fact, general, yes, working - with the Turners was quite humbling.
- You must be ready to move on - to your next assignment.
- Thanks, but no thanks, general.
- Excuse me? - No more assignments.
What my husband means to say is, we're retiring.
But you can't just walk away.
You are the best of the best.
Who will possibly take your place? You? Are you sure? Really? I mean, thank you.
Watch each other's backs, you two.
And I wish you many happy marriages.
Tell me Chuck is joking about sending me to boot camp.
Because they're gonna make me shave my beard.
Relax.
You passed.
- I failed every test.
- Yeah, with flying colors.
You have got to be hands down, bar none the worst candidate I've ever trained.
But you've got one thing going for you.
You got balls.
- I do? - How many Marines you know - would go up against a tiger unarmed? - Yeah.
You'd have to be a complete idiot.
Well, that's the thing.
You know, that's me in a nutshell.
Lesser men, yeah, they'd run away from danger, and I'm.
Casey? Dude.
You turned my sister's apartment into a kitty litter box.
I know.
I'm sorry, man.
How was I supposed to know the tiger wasn't housebroken? Oh, my God.
You're here.
We gotta get this fixed up before Devon and Ellie get back.
Well, actually, I was gonna start with our place.
Our place? That is, if your offer for me to move in still stands? Yeah.
I'm sorry that I freaked out when you asked me to move in with you.
It's just, you know how I grew up.
I spent my life living in hotel rooms under fake names.
I've been trained to survive a thousand situations but nobody ever taught me how to have a normal life.
I hate to break it to you, but I don't think we're ever gonna live a normal life.
Well, I'd like to have something to fall back on when our spy life is over.
Devon, sweetie, where are you? Devon? Baby? Baby, you're burning up.
I'll be right back.
Help! Sorry, El.
I Thought we could do some good work here.
You do not apologize.
Now it's my job to take care of you, okay? - Thank you.
- I alerted the airport.
There's an ambulance waiting.
You can drive straight onto the tarmac.
Thank you.
- Your husband's gonna be fine.
- I know, I know.
I just can't believe we're leaving.
There are plenty of ways you can help back home.
- Take care.
- All right.
Feel better.
They just left.
I took care of the husband.
Made it look like malaria.
She doesn't suspect a thing.
This is his girl, Sarah Walker a CIA agent with more than just killer looks.
And when these two spies first met it was love at first fight.
That's where I come in.
I'm Morgan.
It's my job to keep an eye on the both of them which isn't always easy.
Oh, hey, dude.
I had the most incredible dream, man.
- I was - Hey.
Uh.
Do you want some? Hello? Morgan? Hi.
Do you want some orange juice? Orange juice? Orange juice.
Absolutely.
Man, that sounds good.
Vitamin D's are very important Vitamin C's.
- Vitamin C, singular.
- Great.
Ahem.
Sorry.
Yeah, no, I just The jug's so big.
Jug I'm sorry, I.
I hate you, Chuck.
I hate you.
- Good morning, buddy.
- Okay, I get it.
You're having tons of sex.
Congratulations, Warren Beatty.
- Who said anything about? - Big, goofy grin said it.
And it's an insult for us living in the apartment who aren't having sex.
- Which is me.
- Sorry.
Sorry about that.
I'm just really happy.
Well, duh.
You're dating a leggy Valkyrie.
Says the guy who likes to sleep in the nude, au buffo? Oh, well, I've actually made the very painful concession of wearing pajamas.
You never know when she's gonna be stopping by now and Count on Sarah being here every night because I'm about to ask her if she wants to move in.
Okay.
Well, you two probably have a lot to talk about.
Hi.
I was gonna surprise you take you out to a nice dinner and give you your own key.
But how would you like to move in? Why would we do that? Why? Well, because I figured since you're sleeping here most nights anyway We're not a normal couple, so why pretend like we have a normal life? - Who's pretending? - I didn't mean it like that.
I love working with you and I love being with you so why mess with a good thing, right? - We can talk more after work.
- Right, yeah.
Yeah, we'll talk more after work, because I know how good a thing this is.
- What are you doing? - Well, I left my gun in my hotel room.
No, what are you doing storing your guns in my couch? Morgan could find those.
What, you've not heard of the 30-foot rule? As a matter of fact, no.
A good agent should never be without a weapon.
Ever heard of the Bartowski rule? No firearms in my apartment.
Well, not if you want to live with a spy.
Hey, Chuck.
Got your message.
Everything's fine.
We can't talk.
We're moving to a new clinic.
We're here, babe.
Hang up.
Love you.
Bye.
Excuse me.
Doctors Without Borders.
Any idea where the field clinic is? Nothing? Babe, I think this is the clinic.
I have seen more patients in two weeks than I've seen in my first few years as a doctor.
Any idea who the men with the guns are? The UN wear blue berets and the FDLR wear black berets.
But Devon, these guys aren't wearing any berets.
Hey.
Hey.
- Whoever they are, they're in charge.
Keep it moving.
Honey, what have we gotten ourselves into? Remember what they said about this being the toughest job you'll love? - We're making a difference.
- I know, I know.
I know.
What's getting to me is the not showering and the not sleeping, and the not knowing who the men with the guns are.
Well, how about a date night? I'll cook dinner for you tonight.
- Just you and me under the stars.
- Okay.
I'm sure it'll clear up any minute.
You lead the way.
- Over here.
Follow me.
You're in charge.
What do you mean we're not in charge? - Are you demoting us, general? No.
You will be acting in an observational capacity on this mission.
The primary agents are named Craig and Laura Turner.
Never heard of them.
AKA George and Bitsy Witherspoon? The CIA team who stopped the Air France hijacking in '86? AKA John and Suzie Smythe.
The ones who broke up the Uranium smuggling ring in '91.
I could go on and on listing the Turners' aliases and accomplishments.
So they've been around the CIA block.
That's good for them.
They have also been married for the last 30 years, more or less.
And this is relevant to us how? As long as you and Agent Bartowski insist on keeping a personal relationship I insist you learn how to go about it properly.
Your mission is to watch and learn from the best couple the CIA has produced.
And you, Colonel Casey I'll head down to Pendleton, recertify my weapons training.
It's not your training that concerns me.
I'm talking about Morgan Grimes.
It was your idea to make him a part of the team.
It's your job to make him field-ready.
- You can't be serious.
- He's a diamond in the rough.
Very, very rough, but I'm sure you'll make him sparkle.
Diamond.
Diamond in the rough.
Would you please sit down? You're making me nervous.
The Turners are gonna be here any minute.
- You've never met a CIA agent before? - You ? What ? Come on.
You heard.
These guys are the best.
They're a super spy couple.
I don't want them thinking we're a couple of rubes.
What a dump.
Can you imagine being stationed here? Remember when the CIA held rooms for us at the Grand Ambassador? Ah.
Ha-ha.
The salad days.
What'd you say their names were again? I believe their names are Bertruski or Bertrowski.
Something ethnic.
Two young agency hotshots.
They're here.
Dear God, it's us 30 years ago.
Look, Sarah, that's us in 30 years.
So there you have it: Operation Mongoose.
Made it out of Berlin with half the KGB on my tail.
If it hadn't been for that woman in the fur coat with the AK-47 Enough with the Cold War stories, darling.
- You're boring our hosts.
No, no, no.
This is fascinating to me at least.
A toast, Charles, to old spy stories.
Oh, Mrs.
Turner, can I get you a drink? No, thank you.
I'm fine with my water.
The wife does not partake so I guess I'll just have to toast for both of us.
A serviceable Manhattan, Charles.
- Something wrong with your cherry? - Actually, a true Manhattan is made with a rare and delicate marasca cherry.
The only place you can find those here in L.
A.
would be - The Grand Ambassador.
- Grand Ambassador.
Don't be a booze snob, darling.
Getting back to your story.
The woman in the fur coat I'm assuming, was you, Mrs.
Turner? - Mm.
That's how you met? - How we got divorced.
The hussy in the fur was a Russian double agent.
- I thought the two of you were married.
- Remarried.
Three times.
Some women are too special to marry just once.
My, look at the time.
- Goodness, we'd better get going.
- Oh, so soon? This has been just great.
Sarah and I cannot wait to work with you.
Oh, you won't have to.
- The mission is tonight, Charles.
The target is Otto Von Vogel.
Otto has created a decryption program that could render CIA security useless.
Tonight's party is a smoke screen for him to meet potential buyers.
Our job is to access Otto's master suite where he stores the software.
- Okay.
What do you want us to do? Your job: Watch and learn.
I can't wait to watch these two in action.
It is gonna be great.
What? So, what are Chuck and Sarah up to? - Some sort of sexy spy dinner party? - Shh.
Oh, right.
Sorry, sorry.
I don't know.
This whole G-man gig is starting to become a snore.
- When am I gonna hurt some terrorists? - Hey.
Whatever it is you think you know about being a spy, you're wrong.
Okay.
You're a child.
You're a liability to the team.
You're not doing anything until you've been properly trained.
Does that mean? - Can't believe I'm gonna say this.
- I'm going to Langley.
You're not going anywhere, jackass.
I can teach you everything you need to know right here in the store.
Come on.
Start with the neck thing.
So that's Otto, I take it.
Avoid him and his guards.
If anyone asks who you are, tell them you're our nephew, Bernard.
Actually, tell them she's our niece.
- No offense, Charles.
- No, none taken.
- Shall we work the room first? - After you, my love.
Here we go.
How's the tennis elbow, Monty? Can I give you a word of advice? Eat and rest.
See, consummate professionals.
I mean, what do you think makes them such a great spy team? - A lifetime of training.
- Very funny.
I'm talking about them being a couple.
I can't believe the CIA doesn't hire more.
- They're not that great.
- Oh.
Don't be jealous.
I'm not jealous.
I'm just saying they're not that great.
Sarah, we, ahem, may have a slight problem.
- There you are Otto, old boy.
- We heard you were in town and assumed you were having a party.
I don't recall putting you two on the guest list.
I'm just kidding.
Look at your faces.
Oh, Otto, you are terrible.
As they say in my country, mein haus ist ihr haus.
Textbook subversion.
Not bad.
You know, we could take a page out of the Turners' playbook.
- You're not gonna ask me to move in.
- No.
Well, not now.
Maybe later.
At ease.
There are three qualities that make an effective agent.
- Subversion.
Stealth.
- Me.
Me.
- Strength.
- Eh.
First things first.
See that customer over there? Oh, my goodness.
Super hottie? - Yeah, I clocked her when she came in.
- I want you to get her phone number.
Ha-ha.
Right.
No, seriously, what's the first step? A spy must be able to manipulate any target at any time.
In the field, it can make the difference between life and death.
Copy that.
Yes, sir.
Okay.
Ooh.
What about her, though? Silver-tops really eat me up.
Oof! You have your target.
Engage.
How you doing? - You're okay? - Get on with it.
Hmm.
Target has been neutralized.
I thought Bartowski was hopeless.
I'm not sure where the Turners went.
Maybe they already made their move.
I thought she said she didn't drink.
Yeah.
Hit me.
Hi.
Hi, Mrs.
Turner.
Uh.
Sarah and I were wondering if the mission is going according to plan.
Is something wrong? Her.
It's disgusting.
Man's old enough to be her father.
Perhaps he's just giving her some fatherly advice? Bastard left his mike on.
You are a very naughty girl.
It's too bad my wife is here.
Perhaps we can hook up later at my hotel.
The man's nothing but a CIA-sanctioned gigolo.
Oh.
You don't mean that.
- Oh.
Wait, where are you going? - Upstairs to steal the software.
At least one of us is still a professional.
- I'll handle this.
Here, let me.
- Get your hands off me.
- You're fighting me.
- Don't touch.
- You're making a scene.
- Don't touch me! Dear Lord, my back.
- Oh, this is not good.
It's an old service injury.
Oh, you threw your back out with a Havana hooker.
All in the line of duty.
Right.
- Give us a moment.
It'll fix itself.
- Don't start with me.
The back, not her.
We should get out of here before they blow all of our covers.
Don't touch me! - What about the software? - Let's show the Turners how it's done.
Is there a nurse here? Someone in a short skirt? Master suite.
Master suite.
- Master suite.
- Yeah.
Otto's safe has to be around here somewhere.
- Gesundheit.
- Thank you.
There's gotta be a cat around here.
My allergies are going crazy.
Whoa.
Hey.
Look at this.
Our buddy Otto's into some kinky stuff even by German standards.
- Chuck? - Yeah.
Put the whip down.
Why? Not a fan of the whip, are you, big fella? I'll just put this away and let you get back to your catnap.
Aah! - Chuck? - Mm-hm? - Run.
- Yeah, go, go, go! Go.
The software.
The software is on the tiger's collar.
If I just had my tranq gun.
No.
No, that's not a tranq gun.
I am not letting you shoot.
They are majestic.
- Do you have better ideas? - What we need to be asking is what would the Turners do? To survive in the field, an agent has to employ stealth.
Good.
Are you kidding me? I move like a cat.
I want you to steal something for me.
Look at these hands.
Nimble.
Steal anything.
- Look at this.
Boom.
Done.
- No.
I have something a little more difficult in mind.
- Oh, come on, really? - Suck it up.
Target acquired.
Okay, the Turners aren't perfect.
I'm willing to modify my opinion.
She's a drunk and he's a philanderer.
They're a total mess.
They're not without their charms.
There could be worse people we could turn into.
I would rather be eaten alive by a tiger.
I am done waiting for Otto to find us.
Let's get the software and get out of here.
I've heard that noise before.
That sounds like.
Your mission, moron, is to steal Big Mike's key card.
See? What did I tell you? Sleeping just like Big Mike after eating a baker's dozen.
- Okay.
Shh.
- Shh.
- Give me the gun.
I'll cover you.
- No, I'll cover you.
- You get the collar.
- No, trust me.
You have that feline instinct.
I know how to use a gun better than you do.
Don't think that's a great idea.
- Just do it.
- Okay, fine.
Oh, my God! Aah! Why didn't you shoot it? It was about to eat me.
- You said he was majestic.
- He is a little majestic.
Grimes? I told you I don't like people looking at me when I'm asleep.
Mm-hm.
I know, it's just you had me so worried.
I thought you were dead.
- What's in your hand? - Your key card.
Yeah, and I thought it was cutting off your air supply, your air pipe.
Your esophagi.
Then I'm looking at it and there's jelly.
- Give me that.
- Yeah.
Take it.
I was going to wash it - I'm a grown man.
- You are.
- I can clean up after myself.
- Naturally.
But you can get me another one of those doughnuts.
Thank you for going to all this trouble.
Babe, I'm your husband.
- It's my job to take care of you, honey.
- Still, I feel silly.
There's people here with real problems.
You get to feel how you feel.
It's a lot to adjust to.
I guess I'm having a hard time shaking the whole city-girl thing.
I'm sort of out of my element.
I'm not really an outdoorsy type.
Don't move, babe.
- Devon, what are you looking at? - Don't breathe.
Do not move.
Devon.
It's okay.
It's okay.
You're the new guys, right? The husband-and-wife team? Yeah, I'm Justin.
Camp security coordinator.
Might wanna set up camp a little further away from the perimeter.
The animals get a little curious at night.
- You okay, honey? - Oh, gosh.
We're making a difference.
Sorry I wasn't around when you arrived.
Outside of your snake, we're very grateful to have you here.
- We need all the doctors we can find.
- Thanks.
Yeah, anytime.
And welcome to Africa.
- Yeah.
- Ha-ha.
We're okay.
You all right? We're all right.
Okay, here's the deal.
We'll call the Turners from the road.
Impressive.
You know, I didn't think they had it in them.
Ha.
What are you guys doing? We're teaching you something about spying.
Lesson one, trust no one.
Except your partner, of course.
- We'll take Otto's software.
- What? No, no.
You're the Turners.
You can't be doing this to us.
Don't feel bad, Charles.
We're the best at this.
What do you mean, they went rogue? General, Mrs.
Turner pulled a gun on me.
And might I add, I think she may have a bit of a problem with the sauce.
The Turners stole Otto's software.
The Turners are two of the most decorated spies in the CIA.
There must be some explanation for their behavior.
I suggest you find it.
I'd track them down if you wanna ask them yourself.
Colonel, you have your mission.
Oh, yeah, how is that field training with Morgan going? He makes you look like a natural-born operative.
If you can't make Morgan Grimes field-ready I'm sending you both to boot camp in Pendleton.
That is all.
Great.
This is just great.
This is perfect.
Not only did the Turners sell us out, but they make us look like amateurs.
- Chuck, why are you doing dishes? - Please.
I'm a Bartowski.
This is what we do to deal with stress.
Okay, I can see that you're upset.
The Turners were supposed to be our role models.
Instead, they turn out to be coldhearted double-crossing traitors.
- Now you're never gonna move in.
- Chuck, we're not the Turners.
I know.
But I liked the idea that we could become them.
Right now, we really need to focus on finding them.
Sarah, how? The Turners have been spying for 30 years.
They've got dozens of aliases and a million places they could disappear to.
Whatever beach they're on now, I hope Mr.
Turner's enjoying his Manhattan.
- The Grand Ambassador.
- What? He said that was the only place in Los Angeles that had the right kind of cherries.
Hold on a second.
Hold on.
You don't think they're still here, do you? Well, they might if they already had a buyer for the software.
They picked the wrong couple to stab in the back.
This is how I deal with stress.
Here we go.
Yes, she's gonna help you.
Can you take care of this lady? Thank you.
Hey, it's Chuck.
Leave a message.
Hi.
I don't know if you got any of my other messages, Chuck.
I don't know.
It's just kind of helping me to talk them out over the machine.
I can't really talk to Devon about anything.
He's, like, born to be here.
Villagers love him, have this nickname for him.
I can't pronounce it in Bantu, but it translates to "Dr.
Super Fantastic White Person.
" I'm just tired.
I'm just tired, and I'll feel better when I get some sleep.
Okay, I love you and I miss you.
I'll talk to you soon.
Ellie.
- Yeah? - How are you? - Great.
If you ever need to talk, come to me.
- It's just one of my jobs.
- I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Good.
I'm not fine.
I have a little brother and we used to camp out in our backyard.
I would pitch a tent and make s'mores, the whole thing.
He'd fall asleep and I'd sneak inside and set the alarm and get in there before he could wake up.
I just.
- Justin, I'm not built for this.
- That's not true.
I've seen you with your patients.
You are built for being a doctor here.
Now, it might take some time to get used to the other stuff but it's worth it.
The ears look clear.
This is my daughter.
- Thank you, Justin.
- You're welcome.
Mm.
I can get used to this.
You will, darling, as soon as we make the sale.
Thirty years, we always did what's right.
I keep thinking of those poor, young agents.
- What a pair of saps.
- They reminded me of us.
I hope we didn't hurt their career.
They never had a career, not with the CIA.
You saw how they looked at each other.
They're obviously in love.
- And we're not? - Oh, no, no, we're still in love.
A different sort of love.
It's just more like an old bourbon.
- So now I'm old? - Aged to perfection, my dear.
What about that jailbait at the party? You trying to cork a younger vintage? I see where you're going.
No, she was just part of the mission.
- A diversion.
- How many times have I heard that? She was planning on having breast surgery, and she asked my advice.
- You'd like to give her an operation.
- She was in awe of me.
If not in love.
Room service.
Go ahead and leave it.
All clear.
"Compliments of the Bartowskis.
" Darling, do you know any Bartowski? How did you ever find us? You're the only room that ordered 12 Manhattans.
We learned from the best.
What? Are you kidding me? Sig 229, nine millimeter, Laser grip, full-metal jacket, sir.
- Impressive.
- I play a lot of first-person shooters.
Well, this isn't a video game.
Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Thank you.
Okay, all right.
Here we go.
No problem.
Morgan, you got this.
Like "Call of Duty.
" Squeeze the trigger.
Oh! Holy cow! I think your gun just exploded in my hand! Sit down.
There's nothing wrong with the gun.
- Sit down.
- I think I should - Sit.
- Yes, sir.
You're firing me, aren't you? Oh, my God.
This is even worse than when I got canned from Underpants, Etc.
It's not the end of the world.
Oh, come on.
That's what you all say when you fire me.
I blew it.
I blew my one chance to be a spy and the thing is, Casey all I wanted to do was be a part of this team.
Know how you feel.
You were there for me when I was out on my ass with the agency.
I just want you to know I'm here for you now.
Really? Not just like spy or work or Buy More.
You mean like a friend.
Let's just keep that on the down low, huh? Done.
But know something.
I've been canned from a lot of places by a lot of people and you were the best, sir.
Whew! Let's not let ourselves get carried away here, Charles.
I'm sorry, is that what you think? That I'm getting carried away? How did you think we would react? What have we really done at this point, Sarah? We didn't sell Otto's software, so technically, we're not yet traitors.
- Am I correct? - It was his idea to steal it.
He forced me to act like a drunk at the party.
I only wish his lecherous Lothario routine was an act.
She's lying.
I wanted to bring the software back.
It was her idea to sell it on the black market.
You can't lie to them.
You can lie to me.
- Your duplicity amazes me.
- Quiet! Enough, okay? It is one thing to betray your agency, it is another to betray your partner.
You were supposed to come here and teach us.
Teach us how to be a great spy couple.
You really think we're that bad? Only because you were once great, yeah.
We were great, remember? Check back with me in 30 years, Charles.
The CIA has a way of breaking young idealists.
Especially if they're in love.
Good, the marshals are here.
It's Otto.
And his pussycat.
How did your good friend Otto find us? Did you two sell us out again? The collar has a tracking device.
Where do you keep your backup guns? Surely, you've heard of the 30-foot rule, Charles.
Yeah.
Time to flash, time to flash.
No guns, no flash.
Honey, would you mind telling me what you've done with our weapons? I got rid of them.
- You listened to me? - I can't believe it.
- What have you done with the gun? - I left them.
- Why would you? - Because you told me to.
- Rookies.
Take care of them.
I'll take care of Otto.
You're making a big mistake.
Hi, how you doing? Good Lord.
Sorry to drop in on you like this.
Sasha always feels at home wherever she goes.
You don't mind if she looks around? - What? What's going on? - Who are you people? You know exactly who I am.
The question is, who are you? Wait a minute.
You're the guy.
Baby, this is the guy with the mansion up in the hills.
Oh, I told you this would happen.
I'm so sorry.
My boyfriend thinks that it's really funny to crash rich people's parties.
- Where are the two agents you're hiding? - I'm sorry, what? I believe you know them as Mr.
and Mrs.
Turner.
I'm a little confused here.
Why would CIA agents be in our apartment? Because this isn't a real apartment.
This is a CIA safe house.
And you two are not a real couple.
You are spies.
Ah.
I'm on to you.
This is a practical joke, isn't it? I bet this is from your brother.
Okay, you're a spy, honey.
We're spies.
- Scary spies.
- I've always felt - I've got a James Bondy thing.
You do.
- You could be Octopussy or something.
- Oh, yeah.
Now you're being really insulting.
Listen, whoever you are all I ask is that you hand over the Turners.
You have until the count of drei.
Stop.
Please stop with the countdown.
If I could just have a brief sidebar with my girlfriend, that would be great.
Good.
Thanks.
These guys really take it seriously.
Ha-ha.
This is very good.
Very real.
I say we hand them over.
- We can't do that.
- They sold us out.
We'd be no better than the Turners.
Maybe we're gonna end up just like them, a couple of traitors.
Do you really believe that? No.
I'm sorry, sir.
But I really I don't think we can help you.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Guard them.
- Yeah, I don't think that kitty litter box is big enough.
Good girl, Sasha.
Take her outside.
- Sure you're all right? - Yeah.
Espionage wasn't my aspiration.
I can join the competitive eating circuit.
Well, dare to dream.
The Turners are very clever.
- It appears the guests left in a hurry.
- This is unbelievable.
The Turners have left us holding the bag again? I can assure you this will be the last time.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Otto.
The Turners have betrayed us both.
That means that we're all on the same side.
Put your guns down, and let us help you hunt down those bastards.
They're the lowest of the low, okay? CIA scum.
Let them go, Otto.
But they're not without their moments.
What the hell is this? What is it, Casey? What? Bengal tiger.
Female.
Fully grown.
Avoid eye contact.
If she charges make yourself as big as possible.
Easy for you to say.
It's us you want.
We've got the software.
What are you two doing? Showing you we're not traitors, Charles.
What should we do? - Shh.
You're gonna get us killed.
No.
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
Just hear me out.
This country needs men like you, Casey.
Okay? What do I do? I sell refrigerators.
You know, I mean if I die, what, they'll shop at Large Mart.
Big deal.
But there is a way I can serve my country.
- What are you doing? - I'm luring the tiger.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
No matter what you hear in there promise me you will not go in after me.
Semper Fidizzle! Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Sasha.
Okay.
- Told you I was good for something.
- Yeah.
Move.
We have to bring you in.
You know I can't let you go.
That's funny.
I would have said the same thing 30 years ago.
After what we did, you would have shot us dead.
Which would be perfectly justifiable.
And yet unnecessary.
Wouldn't you agree, Sarah? After all, they did save us.
Sorry, darling.
It's over.
It's okay.
Good work, team.
Our cryptographers are analyzing Otto's software as we speak.
Thanks to you, our nation's communications network And now, on to the subject of the Turners and their actions.
Actually, if I might say something on behalf of the Turners - General.
- No, Sarah.
I think I No, Chuck.
It's okay.
I got it.
The Turner's double-cross was actually a triple-cross.
By stealing the software from us, they were able to lure Otto into a trap.
And we were able to capture him.
It was a daring bit of spy craft.
I would expect nothing less from the Turners.
I hope you and Agent Bartowski were able to learn something from these two exemplary operatives.
As a matter of fact, general, yes, working - with the Turners was quite humbling.
- You must be ready to move on - to your next assignment.
- Thanks, but no thanks, general.
- Excuse me? - No more assignments.
What my husband means to say is, we're retiring.
But you can't just walk away.
You are the best of the best.
Who will possibly take your place? You? Are you sure? Really? I mean, thank you.
Watch each other's backs, you two.
And I wish you many happy marriages.
Tell me Chuck is joking about sending me to boot camp.
Because they're gonna make me shave my beard.
Relax.
You passed.
- I failed every test.
- Yeah, with flying colors.
You have got to be hands down, bar none the worst candidate I've ever trained.
But you've got one thing going for you.
You got balls.
- I do? - How many Marines you know - would go up against a tiger unarmed? - Yeah.
You'd have to be a complete idiot.
Well, that's the thing.
You know, that's me in a nutshell.
Lesser men, yeah, they'd run away from danger, and I'm.
Casey? Dude.
You turned my sister's apartment into a kitty litter box.
I know.
I'm sorry, man.
How was I supposed to know the tiger wasn't housebroken? Oh, my God.
You're here.
We gotta get this fixed up before Devon and Ellie get back.
Well, actually, I was gonna start with our place.
Our place? That is, if your offer for me to move in still stands? Yeah.
I'm sorry that I freaked out when you asked me to move in with you.
It's just, you know how I grew up.
I spent my life living in hotel rooms under fake names.
I've been trained to survive a thousand situations but nobody ever taught me how to have a normal life.
I hate to break it to you, but I don't think we're ever gonna live a normal life.
Well, I'd like to have something to fall back on when our spy life is over.
Devon, sweetie, where are you? Devon? Baby? Baby, you're burning up.
I'll be right back.
Help! Sorry, El.
I Thought we could do some good work here.
You do not apologize.
Now it's my job to take care of you, okay? - Thank you.
- I alerted the airport.
There's an ambulance waiting.
You can drive straight onto the tarmac.
Thank you.
- Your husband's gonna be fine.
- I know, I know.
I just can't believe we're leaving.
There are plenty of ways you can help back home.
- Take care.
- All right.
Feel better.
They just left.
I took care of the husband.
Made it look like malaria.
She doesn't suspect a thing.