I Love Lucy (1951) s03e15 Episode Script

(I Love Lucy theme music plays) (screams) Oh! Ethel! Ethel, I'm sorry.
What are you trying to do, kill somebody? Oh, honey, I didn't know you were there.
Whew! What are you doing with those things? This is what I'm giving Ricky for our anniversary.
Oh.
Aren't they wonderful? Oh, aren't they beautiful? Gee.
What are the little booties on there for? Booties? Those are covers to protect the clubs.
Oh.
What do those numbers mean? Oh, Ethel, don't you know anything? Those numbers tell you how many strokes to take with that club.
Gee, that's a wonderful present.
Oh, I-I think he's going to be crazy about it.
Uh-huh.
I got to put it away, though.
Sure wouldn't want him to see it.
Uh-uh.
I don't think he'll see that.
No.
Oh, boy.
Now comes my yearly problem.
What's that? Well, trying to figure out a way to give Ricky an inkling that it's our anniversary without his knowing he's being inkled.
Oh, that shouldn't be difficult for an old, veteran inkler like you.
I know, but it's always such a strain thinking up new ways to remind him.
You don't suppose, just this once, he might remember all by himself, do you? What was that for? Uh, wh-what was what for? That expression on your face.
Uh, uh uh, I have a little indigestion.
It was a smile.
Oh, I always smile when I have a little indigestion.
Now, Ethel, cut that out.
You know something.
No, I don't.
I don't know anything.
I'm a dunce.
You're keeping something from me.
Uh, uh, well, uh, see you later, Lucy.
Ethel Mertz, you're not going anywhere until you tell me what you know.
Ricky remembered my anniversary, didn't he? I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you that much.
Yes, he did.
Oh, good.
Well, so long.
Ethel! You know more than that.
Come on now.
What did he tell you? He must have talked to you.
He must have asked your advice about my present.
What did he want to know? What size I wear? What color I look best in? How big a diamond I like in a ring? I'm not going to say another word.
Ethel, I'm going to ask you just one more question and then you can go.
Do you know what Ricky is giving me for our anniversary? Yes, I do.
What is it? What is it? I thought you were only gonna ask me one more question.
I am.
What is it? Oh, I've already told you more than I should.
I told you he remembered your anniversary, and I told you I knew what he was getting you.
You'd think you'd be satisfied.
You'd think so, wouldn't you? Yes, I would.
Has he already bought it? Am I gonna like it? He bought it weeks ago, you're gonna be thrilled to pieces, and let go of my arm before it's eight feet long.
Well! Now, can I step down off the witness stand? Okay.
See you later.
Hey, wait a minute.
Come here.
If he bought it weeks ago, it must be hidden here in the house.
Where is it? Where is it? I'm not gonna tell you.
Ethel, please, just-just tell me if I if I'm getting close to it.
Just tell me if I'm warm.
No, I won't.
Ethel, you tell me, or I'm going to tell Fred that you've been saving out of the food money to buy yourself that monkey fur jacket.
I'll tell him you've been sewing roast beef bones on a chuck roast.
You wouldn't dare.
Oh, wouldn't I? Hmph! I'm going.
I'm going to tell him.
I'll count to three.
One two two-and-a-quarter two-and-a-half Oh, Ethel, I just got to know about my present! Now come on, please! Just tell me if I'm hot or cold, huh? Just tell me, please.
Please? Please, Ethel? Okay.
Cold.
Cold.
Cold.
Cold.
Cold.
Oh, freezing! Freezing.
Uh, warmer.
Uh, wa Oh, warmer.
Warmer.
Wa Oh, wha Oh, you're boiling hot! If it was a snake, it'd bite your knee! Ow! Oh! Oh, thank goodness, it's gift-wrapped so you can't untie it.
Oh, can't I? I can get the meat out of a sausage without touching the skin.
Oh, I shouldn't have done it.
I shouldn't have told you.
I tried not to tell you, didn't I? (gasps) Oh! Ethel! I've already seen them.
Aren't they beautiful? Oh, my gosh! Oh, Ethel! They're stone martens.
Stone martens! Uh-huh.
Oh! Ethel Mertz, you make me so mad.
What did I do? You told me about my present and now I won't be surprised.
Look at that snowman.
Aw, look at the picture of Mommy and Daddy on their honeymoon.
Look at that, honey.
See the snow? Look at the snow.
See Mommy? Look at that.
Hi.
Oh, hi, darling.
Say, what are you doing up so late, old man? Oh, he was such a good boy, I let him stay up to say good night to Daddy.
Oh, good.
Hello, sweetheart.
How are you? Hello.
Come on.
Beddy-bye.
Okay.
You were a good boy, eh? Oh, he was wonderful.
Well, there you are.
He even ate all of his spinach today.
Well, listen, you're gonna grow up to be a big, strong boy.
You'll probably be a football player.
He's awful tired now, though.
Come on, honey.
Come on, sweetheart.
I let him stay up too late.
Ah (crying) Well, it's all right, sweetheart.
Now say your prayers.
Gee, honey, don't those pictures bring back a lot of memories? You know, it's wonderful how many great times we've had.
Yes, sir.
Say, we have an anniversary coming up one of these days, haven't we? Yeah.
Well, I'll pick up a box of candy or something.
Oh! Oh-ho-ho! Hey-hey, look at that.
That's the night before we got married.
LUCY: Gee, that's a cute couple.
I wonder what ever happened to them.
Haven't you heard? They lived happily ever after.
(chuckles) We have had fun, haven't we, honey? Yes, sir.
These have been the best What's the matter? We've only been married 13 years.
Oh.
Well, I-I mean, it seems like 15.
What? No, uh, what I meant is, it doesn't seem possible that all that fun could have been crammed into only 13 years.
Well, you wormed out of that one.
Besides, it isn't even 13 years until tomorrow.
All right.
What do you want to do on our anniversary? Do? You have to work.
No, I don't.
I'm gonna take the night off.
I've already arranged it.
I don't believe it! It's true.
Now, what do you want to do? I'll take you anyplace you want to go.
Well you know what I want to do? What? You won't laugh at me? No.
I want to have a quiet little dinner at home, just the two of us, you know, candles and champagne and our favorite records on the phonograph.
Oh, honey, that sounds wonderful.
Doesn't it? A cozy, romantic dinner for two just like it was on our honeymoon.
It'll, it'll just be our night, huh? Okay, sweetheart.
If that's what you want to do, that's just what we'll do.
Fred, guess what.
What? The maitre d' from the Tropicana just called me.
Our surprise party tomorrow night is off.
Well, it's their anniversary, isn't it? Yes, it's their anniversary, but Ricky's decided to take the night off.
How do you like that? He's worked every Tuesday night since we've known him.
Well, in that case, we'll just have to phone all the people and tell them we're gonna have the party here.
If the Ricardos are going to be here, we'll have to find that out.
Let's go over there and see, huh? All right.
Come on.
Hey Yeah? This is the night that we went to the Copa.
Oh, yes.
Didn't we have fun that night? Oh, I had forgotten that dress.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Wait a minute.
Who's that? Where? Oh, that's Fred and Ethel.
Fred and Ethel? Yeah.
Haven't you seen that? Ethel gave it to me.
That's when they were first married.
(guffawing) (laughing uncontrollably) Hi.
What's so funny? (laughing harder) How about that? Fred with hair.
Yeah, I remember when this was taken.
But who's the slim, young girl with me? Oh, now, Fred, I haven't changed that much.
Now, Ethel, as my hair thinned, your hips spread.
Oh, poo.
Come on, we've all changed quite a bit since then.
I guess so.
Yeah, let's talk about something a little pleasanter.
Sit down, come on.
Sit down.
All right.
Uh, Ricky, uh, what are you going to do tomorrow night on your anniversary? Oh, uh, I'm going to take the night off.
You are? Yeah.
Oh.
Well, uh, what are you going to do? Well, uh, Lucy wants to Uh, we have to we have to go out to dinner.
Uh, a business dinner.
ETHEL: A business dinner? Uh-huh, yes.
They called just before you came in.
Uh, Ricky wanted to turn them down, but I wouldn't let him.
It's too important.
Well, who's it with? Rodgers and Hammerstein.
Rodgers and Hammerstein? Rodgers and Hammerstein? Rodgers and Hammerstein? Uh, see? He's still surprised.
He can't even believe it, can you, dear? No no.
It's, it's very hard to believe.
Well, um uh, I guess we got to go.
We got something to do.
Yeah, we got to go.
Come on, Fred.
Why do you have to go so soon? Yes, we have something to do.
but we'll see, we'll see you again.
Don't have to run.
LUCY: See you guys later.
What's all this about a business dinner? Well, I'm sorry, but I-I just didn't want them to know that we were gonna be home.
I wanted to be alone with you.
Okay, honey, but why Rodgers and Hammerstein? Well, nothing but the best for my husband.
If you're gonna have dinner with somebody, might as well have it with Rodgers and Hammerstein.
Now this is a mess.
We've got a whole surprise party full of people and nobody to surprise.
Oh, there must be some way to figure this out.
I don't think it'll work.
Of course it will.
Why not? Look.
Well, the Mertzes always know when we're home.
So, we'll go out.
Well, that doesn't make sense, even for you.
Look, we'll go out and make a lot of noise so that they'll know we're leaving, then we'll sneak quietly in through the kitchen door and have our own little celebration.
Well Please.
Fred, I've got it.
I'll see you later.
Well, where you going? I'm gonna see Mrs.
Trumbull.
If they're going out, they'll have to get Mrs.
Trumbull to stay with the baby.
And if Mrs.
Trumbull tells them that she can't baby-sit after 9:00, they'll have to come home, and we can have our party.
Ethel, you're slicker than slippery elm.
Well, honey, I don't know.
Oh, please, Ricky? Please? Just for me.
It means so much to me.
Okay, we'll do it.
Okay, honey, thank you! (whistling) Ricky? Yeah, honey.
Mrs.
Trumbull said she could baby-sit until 9:00, so I told her we'd be back then.
(chuckles) Oh, gee, doesn't this look nice? This is gonna be the nicest anniversary we've ever had.
Say, uh, what are we having for dinner? The same thing we had on our first anniversary.
Raw potatoes and burned roast? Oh Aw, come now.
I've learned to cook a little better since then.
Yes, you have, sweetheart.
What about opening our presents, huh? Oh, not now, honey.
We have to make like we're leaving first, remember? Okay.
Come on.
Ready? Yeah.
Stay right there.
All right.
Uh, hurry up, dear! We mustn't be late! We mustn't keep Dick and Oscar waiting! All right, I'll be right there! Okay.
Oh, hi, Ethel.
ETHEL: Hi.
It's Ethel.
She's coming in here.
Get-get-get my, uh, stole- it's in there on the chair- and my bag.
And get your coat.
ETHEL: Hey, Lucy, open up! Okay.
Uh Uh, well, I-I-I'd ask you in, Ethel, but, uh, we're kind of in a rush.
Well, I just want to see how you look in your new dress.
Oh, well, I'll come out there.
The light's better in the hall.
Oh, Lucy! Oh, that's just beautiful.
Thank you.
Oh, my.
Gee, it's nice you're having dinner with Rodgers and Hammerstein, but it's too bad it had to happen on your anniversary.
Yeah, well, business is business, you know.
Yeah.
Uh Thank you, dear.
It's all right.
Oh, boy.
Thanks very much.
Well, we'll see you later.
Okay.
Have a good time.
You're a handsome couple.
Thank you.
Thank you, honey.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye Bye.
Oh, Fred what are you doing here? They could have seen you.
Oh, they've gone, haven't they? This ought to be a good time to get things set for the party.
No, we got to wait till they get in the taxi and drive away.
They might have forgotten something and come back.
Oh.
Oh, everything's just working out perfectly.
They're gonna be the most surprised people.
In the whole world.
(giggling) Shh! I feel like a burglar.
We made it.
Give me your coat.
We're all alone.
Happy anniversary, darling.
Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
Now for the presents.
Okay.
You sit right down there.
Okay.
Gee, I can hardly wait to see what it is.
(chuckling) Oh! Don't tell me it was hidden there all this time.
Oh! Yeah.
For heaven's sake.
(chuckling) Happy anniversary, honey.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Gee, I can't imagine what it is.
Is it a nightgown? Um a sweater? Um some candy? Oh! Oh, Ricky! Oh, furs! Oh, honey! Oh! They're just out of this world.
You like them? Oh, honey, they're wonderful.
Oh, gee.
I hope they're the right color and everything.
Oh, honey, the color is perfect.
You should see how they look with my new gray dress.
I mean uh they ought to look good with my new gray dress.
I mean, I ought to see how they look with my new gray dress.
I ought to keep my big mouth shut.
Lucy, you peeked.
Well yes, kind of but I love them.
I've loved them for a whole day.
But I wanted you to be surprised.
Oh, I was, when I found them.
Okay.
Now for your present.
All right.
Close your eyes.
Why? Well, it was too big to wrap.
Oh, all right.
Okay? (chuckles) Open your eyes.
Golf clubs! Yeah.
Oh, honey, just what I wanted.
Really? Oh, they're beautiful! They're all matched, whatever that means.
And there are four woods and there are eight irons and there's the most wonderful What happened? Where is that? Let's see.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
That's funny.
One of them's missing.
Are you sure? Yeah, I'm positive.
Th-The putter is gone.
You sure? Yeah.
Maybe it dropped out of the bag in here.
Now, where could that be? Hey, honey? Honey! Le-Let's open the champagne, honey.
You'll find it later.
Don't worry, come on.
Well, I can't understand that.
They're beautiful.
Don't worry, honey.
How could it drop out of the bag? Four woods and one, two, three, four, five, six Now, where in the world did? (whistling) Ricky! Oh, you found the putter.
I told you you'd find it, sure.
Ricky, where did this come from? The putter? Yes, the putter.
Where did the putter come from? Yeah, where did the putter come from? Well, um if you must know, I found the golf clubs in the closet while you were at Ethel's and I was practicing with the putter and you came back and I had to hide it under the couch.
Oh, Ricky, you're as bad as I am.
Worse.
Happy anniversary, fellow peeker.
Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
Oh.
(doorknob jiggling) ETHEL: Oh, it's locked.
Go get the key, Fred.
The Mertzes?! They're trying to get in here.
What do we do? Hide.
Where? In the closet.
All right.
I'll take this.
Here, take these things, too.
Okay, I'll take the candles.
Ah, ha, ha! There we are.
Ah, where do I put this box? Uh, just put it down there on the divan.
All right.
Ooh, they must have been playing Scrabble.
Yeah.
That saves us putting up the table.
Well, for once, we kept a secret.
They're really gonna be surprised.
Hey, look at these.
Yeah, Lucy got those for Ricky.
Ain't they beauties? Uh-huh.
ETHEL: Uh I suppose you know what those numbers mean.
What? They tell you how many strokes to take with that club.
What idiot told you that? Lucy.
Well, that figures.
Now, come on, you didn't see the present we're giving them, did you? No.
I'd like to see it.
Okay, I wanted to show it to you before I wrapped it up.
I'm crazy about it.
Oh, that's a good-looking lighter! Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Well, you could've at least taken the price tag off $32.
50! Have you lost your mind? That's not the real price.
I erased the real price and wrote that on myself.
Oh.
Well what is the real price? $4.
95.
Come on now, let's not be too cheap.
Cheap? We're giving them champagne and cake and a party.
Yeah, that's right.
Besides, look who's talking about being cheap.
Ricky bought Lucy furs for their anniversary.
I've always wanted a fur coat.
Now, listen, honeybunch.
If nature had intended for you to have a fur coat, you'd have been born with one.
Oh, honestly.
Well, I'd better tidy up the room, huh? Yeah.
But Now, don't open that bottle of champagne! It'll just sit around and get flat.
Don't worry.
I won't let it just sit around and get flat.
Now, Fred, give me that champagne.
Come on now.
Help me set the table, will you? All right.
Pick the cake up.
Put that there.
Got it? Yeah.
Heavy, isn't it? Yeah, but it looks good.
Mm-hmm.
Isn't that a beautiful cloth? Uh-huh.
ETHEL: Now, put the cake back down.
FRED: All right.
Now, paper napkins.
They're in that box.
Get them for me, will you? Yeah.
And bring their glasses.
They're prettier than ours.
All right.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Fred? Yeah? ETHEL: How did you get out here in the kitchen so fast? FRED: Well, I walked out here.
What's the matter with you? Well, you just handed me these napkins and the minute I got my hand on them, you said, "You're welcome.
" I didn't just hand you the napkins.
What do you mean you didn't just hand them to me? Well, I mean that I just didn't hand you the napkins.
Now, listen, I ought to know whether you handed me these napkins or not.
Are you insinuating that I'm daft, loony, off my rocker, out of my head? Well, that covers it pretty well, yeah.
One of us is loony.
Oh, well.
Let's straighten these out.
Okay.
Oh, that looks all right.
Yeah.
Now, you go out in the kitchen and get the cake plates, and I'll go in the bedroom to see if it's all right so the guests can leave their hats and coats.
Cake plates.
Cake plates.
(doorbell buzzes) Hi.
Come on in.
They're not here yet.
They'll be here pretty soon.
Well, they said they'd be here at 9:00, you know.
I- I was sure they'd have to be back by then.
It's 10:00 now.
(mouthing words) Well, we just have to wait a while longer.
Just be patient.
What was that?! It was out in the kitchen.
It's a champagne bottle! What?! ETHEL: It exploded.
RICKY: Lucy? LUCY: Yeah? Have you got your key? I forgot mine.
Yeah, I have it here.
Get it for me, will you? Okay.
RICKY: Come on, honey, where is it? LUCY: Here you are.
Oh, okay.
Come on.
ALL: Surprise! Oh! (all talking at once) Oh, my Oh, my (I Love Lucy theme music plays) Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.
wgbh.
org I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
This is the CBS television network.