Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e15 Episode Script
Puncture Perfect
narrator: Coming up, what's got q playing peekaboo? [ laughter .]
Got q playing peekaboo? [ laughter .]
why is murr's life on the rocks? [ laughter .]
why is murr's life on the rocks? I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
Why is murr's life on the rocks? I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
[ laughter .]
I'm gonna die.
[ laughter .]
and which joker gets ripped a [ laughter .]
and which joker gets ripped a new one in tonight's punishment? And which joker gets ripped a new one in tonight's punishment? [ laughter .]
New one in tonight's punishment? [ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
Today we're at digital press videogames, Digital press videogames, shopping with our fellow gamers.
Shopping with our fellow gamers.
we've got to pick three we've got to pick three video games off the shelf that Video games off the shelf that have been planted by the other Have been planted by the other guys.
Guys.
on the back of each game is a on the back of each game is a secret action that increases in Secret action that increases in difficulty that we must Difficulty that we must accomplish.
Accomplish.
if you don't complete all if you don't complete all three actions, you lose.
Three actions, you lose.
Aah! Aah! Fatality! Fatality! ah, I wish that was real.
you are, like, the worst video-game player.
If it's not a two-button game, Video-game player.
If it's not a two-button game, you're out.
If it's not a two-button game, you're out.
Is that not true? You're out.
Is that not true? but I'm a master of Is that not true? but I'm a master of two-button games.
but I'm a master of two-button games.
[ laughter .]
Two-button games.
[ laughter .]
here we go, bud -- 6, 18, and here we go, bud -- 6, 18, and Those are your three games.
Those are your three games.
Your three levels of difficulty.
Those are your three games.
Your three levels of difficulty.
"adventures of larry: The Your three levels of difficulty.
"adventures of larry: The game.
" "adventures of larry: The game.
" [ laughter .]
Game.
" [ laughter .]
here we go.
[ laughter .]
here we go.
this is, like, the coolest here we go.
this is, like, the coolest store I've ever been to in my this is, like, the coolest store I've ever been to in my life.
Store I've ever been to in my life.
yeah.
Life.
yeah.
It's like the mecca of old yeah.
It's like the mecca of old stuff.
It's like the mecca of old stuff.
what's your favorite stuff? I'm a big "fable" nerd.
here you go, buddy.
here you go.
here you go, buddy.
here you go.
"zelda.
" standard stuff.
here you go.
"zelda.
" standard stuff.
yeah, yeah.
yeah, yeah.
So, you're like a regular n.
E.
S.
Type of gal.
So, you're like a regular n.
E.
S.
Type of gal.
[ laughter .]
Type of gal.
[ laughter .]
whoa! [ laughter .]
whoa! she saw it as a celebration.
whoa! she saw it as a celebration.
She wanted to be in on the fun.
she saw it as a celebration.
She wanted to be in on the fun.
All right.
She wanted to be in on the fun.
All right.
she's a party girl.
level two is gonna be a little bit harder.
did you see the sega museum? Little bit harder.
did you see the sega museum? no.
did you see the sega museum? no.
it's that big window thing no.
it's that big window thing right there.
it's that big window thing right there.
oh.
Right there.
oh.
[ laughter .]
oh.
[ laughter .]
go ahead.
go ahead.
Try to caress her face with the back of your hand.
Try to caress her face with the back of your hand.
I just like a nice, easy, Back of your hand.
I just like a nice, easy, simple -- you know what I mean? I just like a nice, easy, simple -- you know what I mean? Just nice and easy, nice and Simple -- you know what I mean? Just nice and easy, nice and simple, just the way we like it.
Just nice and easy, nice and simple, just the way we like it.
oh! Simple, just the way we like it.
oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
wow! She's into it! [ laughter .]
wow! She's into it! now remember, you got to get wow! She's into it! now remember, you got to get all three to the same person.
now remember, you got to get all three to the same person.
good luck with the third one.
I will sayUh [ laughter .]
how do you trust-fall onto a how do you trust-fall onto a person? She's gonna let him go.
Person? She's gonna let him go.
unexpected trust fall.
She's gonna let him go.
unexpected trust fall.
he's a 220-pound man.
unexpected trust fall.
he's a 220-pound man.
I feel like I can trust you he's a 220-pound man.
I feel like I can trust you now.
I feel like I can trust you now.
I know.
Now.
I know.
if I turned around and went I know.
if I turned around and went like this, I feel like if I turned around and went like this, I feel like [ laughter .]
Like this, I feel like [ laughter .]
that's what you get! [ laughter .]
that's what you get! what happened? I trusted you.
that's what you get! what happened? I trusted you.
[ ding! .]
what happened? I trusted you.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
all right.
You ready, gamer? Your numbers are 14, 25, and 40.
That's your death sentence.
Your numbers are 14, 25, and 40.
That's your death sentence.
[ laughs .]
That's your death sentence.
[ laughs .]
got to give him a massage.
got to give him a massage.
he's going right in for the massage! he's going right in for the massage! wow! Massage! wow! [ laughs .]
wow! [ laughs .]
there you go.
[ laughs .]
there you go.
You look a little stressed.
there you go.
You look a little stressed.
You look a little stressed.
You look a little stressed.
You look a little stressed.
You're picking out this game.
You look a little stressed.
You're picking out this game.
Let the game pick you, you know You're picking out this game.
Let the game pick you, you know what I'm saying? Let the game pick you, you know what I'm saying? he likes it! He likes it! What I'm saying? he likes it! He likes it! he likes it! he likes it! He likes it! he likes it! let the game pick you, buddy.
he likes it! let the game pick you, buddy.
[ laughter .]
let the game pick you, buddy.
[ laughter .]
do it.
[ laughter .]
do it.
Got to loosen it up.
Do it.
Got to loosen it up.
[ laughter .]
Got to loosen it up.
[ laughter .]
it's great.
[ laughter .]
it's great.
I feel like you could spend the It's great.
I feel like you could spend the whole day, you know? I feel like you could spend the whole day, you know? smooth his eyebrows.
Whole day, you know? smooth his eyebrows.
oh.
smooth his eyebrows.
oh.
[ laughs .]
oh.
[ laughs .]
if I had to pick a guy that [ laughs .]
if I had to pick a guy that had this in here, it's you.
if I had to pick a guy that had this in here, it's you.
I mean, I look at you.
Had this in here, it's you.
I mean, I look at you.
You got it all going on.
I mean, I look at you.
You got it all going on.
There you go.
You got it all going on.
There you go.
oh! There you go.
oh! they're all smooth.
oh! they're all smooth.
You know what I'm saying? they're all smooth.
You know what I'm saying? ohhhh! You know what I'm saying? ohhhh! Holy [bleep.]
ohhhh! Holy [bleep.]
wow! Holy [bleep.]
wow! he just shot him a look.
wow! he just shot him a look.
he's shooting you looks now.
he just shot him a look.
he's shooting you looks now.
good luck with the next one.
it's gross to spit in your own hand.
yes.
It's disgusting.
Own hand.
yes.
It's disgusting.
well, dude, I'd just like to yes.
It's disgusting.
well, dude, I'd just like to say nice to meet you, man.
well, dude, I'd just like to say nice to meet you, man.
What was your name? Say nice to meet you, man.
What was your name? adam.
What was your name? adam.
adam, put it there.
adam.
adam, put it there.
oh, man.
adam, put it there.
oh, man.
[ laughter .]
oh, man.
[ laughter .]
not after that? [ laughter .]
not after that? [ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
couldn't get it.
all right, q.
couldn't get it.
all right, q.
oh, this is crazy fun.
all right, q.
oh, this is crazy fun.
try to stay focused in here, oh, this is crazy fun.
try to stay focused in here, buddy.
Buddy.
[ laughter .]
You're like on crack right now.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay.
Ready, buddy? Okay.
Ready, buddy? there you go, q.
there you go, q.
this guy looks like he's there you go, q.
this guy looks like he's ready for games.
this guy looks like he's ready for games.
[ laughter .]
Ready for games.
[ laughter .]
what are you looking at, man? [ laughter .]
what are you looking at, man? Anything good? what are you looking at, man? Anything good? [ laughter .]
Anything good? [ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Just go Just go oh, my gosh.
[ laughs .]
oh, my gosh.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
oh, cool.
Hold on one second, one second.
Hold on one second, one second.
Hold that one second? Hold that one second? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
one second.
One second.
he's bowling through the he's bowling through the things.
Things.
woop! Oh! There you go.
woop! Oh! There you go.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, my lord! oh, my lord! I'm getting out here.
I'm getting out here.
[ laughter .]
look at that guy's face.
[ laughter .]
look at that guy's face.
[ laughs .]
look at that guy's face.
[ laughs .]
look at his face! [ laughs .]
look at his face! that's it? You're done.
Look at his face! that's it? You're done.
[ laughs .]
that's it? You're done.
[ laughs .]
he ripped through them.
[ laughs .]
he ripped through them.
q has left the store! he ripped through them.
q has left the store! [ ding! .]
murr, you ready? what's your favorite system? what's your favorite system? right now I'd go for the what's your favorite system? right now I'd go for the atari 5200.
right now I'd go for the atari 5200.
oh, is that right? Atari 5200.
oh, is that right? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
do you ever go to yard sales to find stuff? Do you ever go to yard sales to find stuff? oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Find stuff? oh, yeah.
Yeah.
yeah? oh, yeah.
Yeah.
yeah? all the time.
yeah? all the time.
and do you find any good all the time.
and do you find any good stuff? and do you find any good stuff? sometime.
Stuff? sometime.
yeah.
sometime.
yeah.
he doesn't care! oh! [ laughs .]
there's a game you got about [ laughs .]
there's a game you got about "boogerman.
" there's a game you got about "boogerman.
" a guy will go around.
"boogerman.
" a guy will go around.
He's flicking his boogers.
A guy will go around.
He's flicking his boogers.
going around, you know, "hey, He's flicking his boogers.
going around, you know, "hey, hey.
" going around, you know, "hey, hey.
" [ laughs .]
Hey.
" [ laughs .]
murray just slapped him in the [ laughs .]
murray just slapped him in the face! Murray just slapped him in the face! I would never do something Face! I would never do something like that.
I would never do something like that.
I know.
Like that.
I know.
Going around doing that.
I know.
Going around doing that.
it's a slap fight! Going around doing that.
it's a slap fight! yeah, you know, he's going it's a slap fight! yeah, you know, he's going like this -- "hey!" yeah, you know, he's going like this -- "hey!" [ laughter .]
Like this -- "hey!" [ laughter .]
like that.
[ laughter .]
like that.
I would never do something Like that.
I would never do something like that stuff.
I would never do something like that stuff.
I'd be crazy.
Like that stuff.
I'd be crazy.
yeah.
See? There you go.
I'd be crazy.
yeah.
See? There you go.
this guy is unbreakable! oh! level three, babe.
level three, babe.
This is tough, level three.
I feel like the games have This is tough, level three.
I feel like the games have gotten so complicated.
I feel like the games have gotten so complicated.
It just drives me crazy.
Gotten so complicated.
It just drives me crazy.
yeah.
It just drives me crazy.
yeah.
it drives me crazy.
it drives me crazy.
this guy's blocking his mouth.
this guy's blocking his mouth.
[ laughs .]
Mouth.
[ laughs .]
you have very tight, pursed [ laughs .]
you have very tight, pursed lips.
you have very tight, pursed lips.
[ laughs .]
Lips.
[ laughs .]
there's too much going on -- [ laughs .]
there's too much going on -- the screen, and then you got there's too much going on -- the screen, and then you got to -- there's like eight The screen, and then you got to -- there's like eight different buttons.
To -- there's like eight different buttons.
There's like eight different Different buttons.
There's like eight different buttons going on.
There's like eight different buttons going on.
It's just so crazy.
Buttons going on.
It's just so crazy.
is he getting him? It's just so crazy.
is he getting him? I can't tell.
is he getting him? I can't tell.
it just makes me go crazy.
I can't tell.
it just makes me go crazy.
There's too much.
it just makes me go crazy.
There's too much.
he's missing! There's too much.
he's missing! he missed! He missed! he's missing! he missed! He missed! wah-wah-wah.
he missed! He missed! wah-wah-wah.
[ laughter .]
wah-wah-wah.
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Murr and joe [ buzzer .]
narrator: Murr and joe couldn't beat this level, so narrator: Murr and joe couldn't beat this level, so they're first up on the loser Couldn't beat this level, so they're first up on the loser board.
They're first up on the loser board.
today we're hanging out at Board.
today we're hanging out at brooklyn boulders, playing one today we're hanging out at brooklyn boulders, playing one of our favorite games -- Brooklyn boulders, playing one of our favorite games -- "repeat after me.
" Of our favorite games -- "repeat after me.
" we're gonna be teaching "repeat after me.
" we're gonna be teaching rock-climbing, and the other we're gonna be teaching rock-climbing, and the other guys are gonna feed us an Rock-climbing, and the other guys are gonna feed us an unusual word that we must get Guys are gonna feed us an unusual word that we must get the climber to repeat before Unusual word that we must get the climber to repeat before they cross the finish line.
The climber to repeat before they cross the finish line.
that's right.
They cross the finish line.
that's right.
And if you can't get them to say that's right.
And if you can't get them to say that word before they reach the And if you can't get them to say that word before they reach the top, you lose.
That word before they reach the top, you lose.
"carpaccio.
" Top, you lose.
"carpaccio.
" carpaccio.
"carpaccio.
" carpaccio.
nice.
carpaccio.
nice.
[ laughter .]
so, yeah.
So, who wants to go first? I'll go first.
So, who wants to go first? I'll go first.
okay.
I'll go first.
okay.
sal, your word, buddy, is okay.
sal, your word, buddy, is "rigamarole.
" sal, your word, buddy, is "rigamarole.
" [ laughter .]
"rigamarole.
" [ laughter .]
I have to go through this [ laughter .]
I have to go through this whole rigamarole with you I have to go through this whole rigamarole with you because it's my job, you know, Whole rigamarole with you because it's my job, you know, to tell you this.
Because it's my job, you know, to tell you this.
But if you have any questions To tell you this.
But if you have any questions for me and you don't want to But if you have any questions for me and you don't want to hear the whole rigamarole all For me and you don't want to hear the whole rigamarole all the time, just let me know.
Hear the whole rigamarole all the time, just let me know.
she's on the wall.
she's on the wall.
The race is on.
we're off to the races.
The race is on.
we're off to the races.
don't worry.
we're off to the races.
don't worry.
You'll be up and down these don't worry.
You'll be up and down these things all day.
You'll be up and down these things all day.
There will be a whole rigamarole Things all day.
There will be a whole rigamarole for you all day.
There will be a whole rigamarole for you all day.
come on, bud.
For you all day.
come on, bud.
You got to work harder than come on, bud.
You got to work harder than that.
You got to work harder than that.
one time I rigamaroled my That.
one time I rigamaroled my ankle on this thing.
one time I rigamaroled my ankle on this thing.
It was painful.
Ankle on this thing.
It was painful.
[ chuckles .]
It was painful.
[ chuckles .]
[ laughs .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
how are you feeling so far? [ laughter .]
how are you feeling so far? good.
How are you feeling so far? good.
good? good.
good? great talk.
good? great talk.
[ laughter .]
great talk.
[ laughter .]
do you feel like you're [ laughter .]
do you feel like you're getting the hang of the whole do you feel like you're getting the hang of the whole rigamarole? Getting the hang of the whole rigamarole? yeah.
Rigamarole? yeah.
all right.
yeah.
all right.
she's a woman of few words.
all right.
she's a woman of few words.
The problem is, one of those she's a woman of few words.
The problem is, one of those words is not "rigamarole.
" The problem is, one of those words is not "rigamarole.
" [ laughs .]
Words is not "rigamarole.
" [ laughs .]
uh-oh.
[ laughs .]
uh-oh.
bud, she's two hands away.
uh-oh.
bud, she's two hands away.
the next few moves are very bud, she's two hands away.
the next few moves are very important.
the next few moves are very important.
That whole rigamarole that Important.
That whole rigamarole that you're doing right now is -- That whole rigamarole that you're doing right now is -- this is a crucial part right You're doing right now is -- this is a crucial part right here.
This is a crucial part right here.
no way.
Here.
no way.
sal! no way.
sal! rigamarole! sal! rigamarole! [ laughs .]
rigamarole! [ laughs .]
right? [ laughs .]
right? uh-huh.
right? uh-huh.
[ laughter .]
uh-huh.
[ laughter .]
now he's just shouting [ laughter .]
now he's just shouting "rigamarole" at her.
now he's just shouting "rigamarole" at her.
what do we got? "rigamarole" at her.
what do we got? You got the whole rigamarole, what do we got? You got the whole rigamarole, right? You got the whole rigamarole, right? [ laughter .]
Right? [ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
sucker! Hi, guys.
How are you? hi.
I'm veronica.
I'm james.
hi.
I'm veronica.
I'm james.
james, I'm vic.
I'm james.
james, I'm vic.
vic, nice to meet you.
james, I'm vic.
vic, nice to meet you.
is this murray's phone? vic, nice to meet you.
is this murray's phone? This is murray's phone.
is this murray's phone? This is murray's phone.
is it unlocked? This is murray's phone.
is it unlocked? [ laughs .]
is it unlocked? [ laughs .]
you have got to be kidding you have got to be kidding me.
so, now we're in, and the Me.
so, now we're in, and the question is, now what? so, now we're in, and the question is, now what? okay, great, great, great, Question is, now what? okay, great, great, great, great, great.
okay, great, great, great, great, great.
"thanks for the help.
Great, great.
"thanks for the help.
Problem solved.
" "thanks for the help.
Problem solved.
" [ laughter .]
"hey, viagra, thanks for the help! Help! #problemsolved.
" #problemsolved.
" we'll just tweet that real We'll just tweet that real quick.
Quick.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay, what do we got? okay, what do we got? Let's see.
Let's see.
oh.
You need a word.
oh.
You need a word.
yes.
yes.
[ chuckles .]
sorry.
[ chuckles .]
sorry.
"I'm gonna die.
" "I'm gonna die.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay.
Right.
okay.
Right.
hyphenated.
hyphenated.
good luck with that.
all right, vic, go for it.
good luck with that.
all right, vic, go for it.
[ laughter .]
all right, vic, go for it.
[ laughter .]
here you go.
[ laughter .]
here you go.
Now, I know what you're Here you go.
Now, I know what you're thinking, right? Now, I know what you're thinking, right? Like, "I'm gonna die.
" Thinking, right? Like, "I'm gonna die.
" you're thinking you're gonna Like, "I'm gonna die.
" you're thinking you're gonna die, right? You're thinking you're gonna die, right? Like, "I'm gonna die.
" Die, right? Like, "I'm gonna die.
" he's just going.
Like, "I'm gonna die.
" he's just going.
like, "I'm gonna die.
he's just going.
like, "I'm gonna die.
Oh [bleep.]
like, "I'm gonna die.
Oh [bleep.]
oh [bleep.]
I'm gonna die.
" Oh [bleep.]
oh [bleep.]
I'm gonna die.
" vic.
Oh [bleep.]
I'm gonna die.
" vic.
[ laughter .]
Vic.
[ laughter .]
okay, vic, you're awfully -- [ laughter .]
okay, vic, you're awfully -- you're a big guy.
Okay, vic, you're awfully -- you're a big guy.
You're almost halfway there You're a big guy.
You're almost halfway there already and I haven't even said You're almost halfway there already and I haven't even said a word.
Already and I haven't even said a word.
Vic, I know what you're A word.
Vic, I know what you're thinking.
Vic, I know what you're thinking.
"I'm gonna die," right? Thinking.
"I'm gonna die," right? 'I'm gonna die.
" "I'm gonna die," right? 'I'm gonna die.
" is that what you're thinking? 'I'm gonna die.
" is that what you're thinking? yep.
Is that what you're thinking? yep.
you keep thinking that, but yep.
you keep thinking that, but you're gonna be fine, vic.
you keep thinking that, but you're gonna be fine, vic.
No matter what you think -- "I'm You're gonna be fine, vic.
No matter what you think -- "I'm gonna die.
" No matter what you think -- "I'm gonna die.
" [ laughter .]
Gonna die.
" [ laughter .]
just, vic -- it's impossible! [ laughter .]
just, vic -- it's impossible! He's already there.
Just, vic -- it's impossible! He's already there.
You're a tall mother[bleep.]
He's already there.
You're a tall mother[bleep.]
[ cheering .]
You're a tall mother[bleep.]
[ cheering .]
he's 6'8".
[ cheering .]
he's 6'8".
[ sighs .]
He's 6'8".
[ sighs .]
[ buzzer .]
[ sighs .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
step on up.
You know who would be really good at this game? You know who would be really good at this game? Spider-man.
Good at this game? Spider-man.
[ laughter .]
Spider-man.
[ laughter .]
you're up next, big guy.
[ laughter .]
you're up next, big guy.
q, your word is you're up next, big guy.
q, your word is "lumpenproletariat.
" q, your word is "lumpenproletariat.
" [ laughter .]
"lumpenproletariat.
" [ laughter .]
lumpenproletariat, bud, is a lumpenproletariat, bud, is a term that karl marx coined to describe the layer of the Term that karl marx coined to describe the layer of the working class that is unlikely Describe the layer of the working class that is unlikely to ever achieve class Working class that is unlikely to ever achieve class consciousness.
To ever achieve class consciousness.
you ever read karl marx? Consciousness.
you ever read karl marx? [ laughter .]
you ever read karl marx? [ laughter .]
so, what I want you to do is I [ laughter .]
so, what I want you to do is I want you to tackle this like a So, what I want you to do is I want you to tackle this like a lumpenproletariat.
Want you to tackle this like a lumpenproletariat.
There we go.
Lumpenproletariat.
There we go.
He's off to the races.
There we go.
He's off to the races.
here we go.
He's off to the races.
here we go.
he's going fast.
here we go.
he's going fast.
enjoy yourself.
he's going fast.
enjoy yourself.
Slow down.
Slow down.
enjoy yourself.
Slow down.
Slow down.
Enjoy yourself.
Slow down.
Slow down.
Enjoy yourself.
[ laughter .]
Enjoy yourself.
[ laughter .]
lumpenproletariat.
[ laughter .]
lumpenproletariat.
Dude, you are going so fast.
Lumpenproletariat.
Dude, you are going so fast.
Lumpenproletariat.
Dude, you are going so fast.
Lumpenproletariat.
[ laughter .]
Lumpenproletariat.
[ laughter .]
is that a race? [ laughter .]
is that a race? oh! Is that a race? oh! when I say "lumpen," you say oh! when I say "lumpen," you say "proletariat.
" when I say "lumpen," you say "proletariat.
" lumpen! "proletariat.
" lumpen! both: Proletariat! Lumpen! both: Proletariat! it doesn't work as well.
both: Proletariat! it doesn't work as well.
[ laughter .]
it doesn't work as well.
[ laughter .]
just shut up.
[ laughter .]
just shut up.
[ buzzer .]
just shut up.
[ buzzer .]
#problemsolved.
[ buzzer .]
#problemsolved.
yeah.
#problemsolved.
yeah.
yeah.
#problemsolved.
yeah.
yeah.
#problemsolved.
what's this "problem solved" yeah.
#problemsolved.
what's this "problem solved" thing going on? what's this "problem solved" thing going on? you didn't hear it? Thing going on? you didn't hear it? unh-unh.
you didn't hear it? unh-unh.
it's on twitter.
unh-unh.
it's on twitter.
[ sighs .]
it's on twitter.
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
"hey, @viagra, thanks for the [ laughter .]
"hey, @viagra, thanks for the help.
"hey, @viagra, thanks for the help.
Problem solved.
" Help.
Problem solved.
" hashtaproblem solved.
Problem solved.
" hashtaproblem solved.
hashtag problem solved.
hashtaproblem solved.
hashtag problem solved.
Not funny, jerks.
hashtag problem solved.
Not funny, jerks.
Not funny, jerks.
[ laughter .]
what you want to do is you want to get to the top of there.
all right.
Want to get to the top of there.
all right.
okay? all right.
okay? joe.
okay? joe.
yeah? joe.
yeah? your word is "ballbag.
" yeah? your word is "ballbag.
" [ laughs .]
your word is "ballbag.
" [ laughs .]
okay.
[ laughs .]
okay.
ballbag.
ballbag.
yeah, exactly.
At the end of gym class, you put yeah, exactly.
At the end of gym class, you put all the balls in the ballbag.
At the end of gym class, you put all the balls in the ballbag.
she's on the wall.
All the balls in the ballbag.
she's on the wall.
here we go.
You got it.
she's on the wall.
here we go.
You got it.
for a billion dollars, she here we go.
You got it.
for a billion dollars, she will never say "ballbag.
" for a billion dollars, she will never say "ballbag.
" never gonna happen.
Will never say "ballbag.
" never gonna happen.
[ laughter .]
never gonna happen.
[ laughter .]
you want to put the ball of [ laughter .]
you want to put the ball of your foot right in the bag.
you want to put the ball of your foot right in the bag.
You want to ballbag it.
Your foot right in the bag.
You want to ballbag it.
oh! All right.
You want to ballbag it.
oh! All right.
you want to put the ball of oh! All right.
you want to put the ball of your foot in the bag.
you want to put the ball of your foot in the bag.
ball of my foot in the bag? Your foot in the bag.
ball of my foot in the bag? [ all yelling .]
ball of my foot in the bag? [ all yelling .]
that's not it! [ all yelling .]
that's not it! good.
that's not it! good.
You want to get that foot in good.
You want to get that foot in there.
You want to get that foot in there.
You want to ballbag.
There.
You want to ballbag.
[ laughs .]
You want to ballbag.
[ laughs .]
what's that? get that foot in there.
Yeah.
Foot in the ballbag.
Yeah.
Foot in the ballbag.
You want to ballbag.
[ laughter .]
You want to ballbag.
[ laughter .]
now, watch your stance.
Good.
[ laughter .]
now, watch your stance.
Good.
Wide stance.
Now, watch your stance.
Good.
Wide stance.
If you want to ballbag over Wide stance.
If you want to ballbag over there.
If you want to ballbag over there.
ballbag.
There.
ballbag.
[ laughter .]
ballbag.
[ laughter .]
she said it.
[ laughter .]
she said it.
there you go.
she said it.
there you go.
Great.
there you go.
Great.
Ballbag.
Great.
Ballbag.
ballbag! Ballbag.
ballbag! yeah! ballbag! yeah! oh, my god! yeah! oh, my god! Rub it in our faces, why don't oh, my god! Rub it in our faces, why don't you? Rub it in our faces, why don't you? that's a ballbag.
You? that's a ballbag.
[ ding! .]
that's a ballbag.
[ ding! .]
narrator: Q, murr, and sal [ ding! .]
narrator: Q, murr, and sal took the rocky road straight to narrator: Q, murr, and sal took the rocky road straight to the loser board.
The loser board.
today we're attempting to today we're attempting to give away tickets to events that Give away tickets to events that we can no longer attend.
We can no longer attend.
ah, but these events will be ah, but these events will be incredibly unappealing, as Incredibly unappealing, as they've been made up by the They've been made up by the other guys.
Other guys.
the goal is to get the person the goal is to get the person to take the tickets no matter To take the tickets no matter how horrible it sounds.
How horrible it sounds.
if you can't get them to take if you can't get them to take your tickets, you lose.
Your tickets, you lose.
tickets here! tickets here! bad tickets! bad tickets! get your horrible tickets get your horrible tickets here! Here! narrator: It's murr and joe narrator: It's murr and joe in a joker versus joker In a joker versus joker challenge.
Challenge.
hey, bud, do you want my hey, bud, do you want my tickets? Tickets? I can't use them.
I can't use them.
I just don't want them to go to I just don't want them to go to waste.
Waste.
It's for this weekend.
It's for this weekend.
The show is -- I don't know if The show is -- I don't know if you've seen it already.
You've seen it already.
It's "piss --" it's "piss angel: It's "piss --" it's "piss angel: Bathroom magic.
" [ laughter .]
Bathroom magic.
" [ laughter .]
in the show, the magician makes [ laughter .]
in the show, the magician makes a number two disappear.
In the show, the magician makes a number two disappear.
[ laughs .]
A number two disappear.
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
do you like magic? [ laughter .]
do you like magic? He's piss angel.
Do you like magic? He's piss angel.
Have you heard of him? He's piss angel.
Have you heard of him? Your reaction should be, "holy Have you heard of him? Your reaction should be, "holy [bleep.]
Your reaction should be, "holy [bleep.]
piss angel! [bleep.]
piss angel! I haven't seen him perform yet.
" Piss angel! I haven't seen him perform yet.
" take them.
I haven't seen him perform yet.
" take them.
It's free broadway tickets.
Take them.
It's free broadway tickets.
Those are front-row urinal It's free broadway tickets.
Those are front-row urinal seats.
Those are front-row urinal seats.
It costs you nothing.
Seats.
It costs you nothing.
what? It costs you nothing.
what? he wants to give them back.
he wants to give them back.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
free tickets? free tickets? [ laughing .]
you son of a bitch.
[ laughing .]
you son of a bitch.
give that guy a thumbs up.
give that guy a thumbs up.
Give that guy a thumbs up.
Give that guy a thumbs up.
he wins! he wins! you made my thumbs up you made my thumbs up disappear.
Disappear.
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
hey, pal.
How's it going? hey, pal.
How's it going? I got tickets for a show I got tickets for a show tonight I can't make.
Tonight I can't make.
Giving them away.
Giving them away.
The show is The show is "introducing fritz cold cockin.
" "introducing fritz cold cockin.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
fritz cold cockin, the most fritz cold cockin, the most ridiculous name we could think Ridiculous name we could think of.
Of.
it's a story about it's a story about fritz cold cockin and how he Fritz cold cockin and how he came to be.
Came to be.
He started, actually, as a miner, you know, like a coal He started, actually, as a miner, you know, like a coal miner.
Miner, you know, like a coal miner.
He invented the diamond.
Miner.
He invented the diamond.
[ laughter .]
He invented the diamond.
[ laughter .]
then he started boxing.
[ laughter .]
then he started boxing.
And you ever hear about you Then he started boxing.
And you ever hear about you getting coldcocked? And you ever hear about you getting coldcocked? That's him -- fritz cold cockin.
Getting coldcocked? That's him -- fritz cold cockin.
Yeah, he'd knock people out with That's him -- fritz cold cockin.
Yeah, he'd knock people out with one punch.
Yeah, he'd knock people out with one punch.
He'd coldcock him.
One punch.
He'd coldcock him.
[ laughter .]
He'd coldcock him.
[ laughter .]
knock, knock.
[ laughter .]
knock, knock.
Fritz.
Knock, knock.
Fritz.
coldcock? Fritz.
coldcock? fritz cold cockin.
coldcock? fritz cold cockin.
[ laughter .]
fritz cold cockin.
[ laughter .]
here you go, buddy.
[ laughter .]
here you go, buddy.
Enjoy the show, all right? Here you go, buddy.
Enjoy the show, all right? Thanks, bud.
Enjoy the show, all right? Thanks, bud.
you coldcocked the [bleep.]
Thanks, bud.
you coldcocked the [bleep.]
out of that one, buddy.
you coldcocked the [bleep.]
out of that one, buddy.
[ laughter .]
Out of that one, buddy.
[ laughter .]
bang! [ laughter .]
bang! [ ding! .]
bang! [ ding! .]
narrator: Murr just scored a [ ding! .]
narrator: Murr just scored a front-row seat to his own narrator: Murr just scored a front-row seat to his own punishment.
Front-row seat to his own punishment.
we're here at village pop for Punishment.
we're here at village pop for murr's punishment, and we're we're here at village pop for murr's punishment, and we're about to play Murr's punishment, and we're about to play all: Wheel of piercing! About to play all: Wheel of piercing! that's right, murr.
all: Wheel of piercing! that's right, murr.
We're gonna ask you a set of that's right, murr.
We're gonna ask you a set of very specific questions that, as We're gonna ask you a set of very specific questions that, as our friend, you should know.
Very specific questions that, as our friend, you should know.
that's right.
Our friend, you should know.
that's right.
And for every question you get that's right.
And for every question you get incorrect, you have to spin the And for every question you get incorrect, you have to spin the wheel and get that part of your Incorrect, you have to spin the wheel and get that part of your body pierced.
Wheel and get that part of your body pierced.
he'll never be able to walk Body pierced.
he'll never be able to walk through a metal detector again.
he'll never be able to walk through a metal detector again.
[ laughter .]
Here it is -- wheel of piercing.
All right, murr, here we go.
It's simple.
All right, murr, here we go.
It's simple.
Answer the question right, don't It's simple.
Answer the question right, don't get pierced.
Answer the question right, don't get pierced.
that's it? Get pierced.
that's it? three questions right is when that's it? three questions right is when it ends.
three questions right is when it ends.
say hi to lolee.
It ends.
say hi to lolee.
hi.
say hi to lolee.
hi.
she's the one that will be hi.
she's the one that will be piercing you today.
she's the one that will be piercing you today.
Here we go.
All right.
Piercing you today.
Here we go.
All right.
First question.
There are two foods that I won't eat -- what are they? Eat -- what are they? I know one.
I know one.
what's one? what's one? peanut butter.
peanut butter.
that's right.
That's right.
that's right.
That's right.
All right.
All right.
you do not eat sushi.
you do not eat sushi.
all: Ah! all: Ah! he's got it.
he's got it.
bam! bam! My temple is intact.
My temple is intact.
okay, so, that's one right.
okay, so, that's one right.
uh-huh.
uh-huh.
two to go.
two to go.
what is my favorite what is my favorite lionel richie song? Lionel richie song? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you're a sentimental guy.
you're a sentimental guy.
I'm going with "hello.
" I'm going with "hello.
" absolutely not.
absolutely not.
no.
no.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what is it? what is it? "running with the night," baby.
"running with the night," baby.
"running with the night.
" Baby.
"running with the night.
" say goodbye to something "running with the night.
" say goodbye to something 'cause it's about to get say goodbye to something 'cause it's about to get pierced.
'cause it's about to get pierced.
[ stammering .]
oh, my god.
Pierced.
[ stammering .]
oh, my god.
spin it.
[ stammering .]
oh, my god.
spin it.
guys.
spin it.
guys.
spin that wheel! guys.
spin that wheel! [ laughter .]
yes! oh, no! oh, that is unfortunate.
oh, no! oh, that is unfortunate.
oh, no! oh, that is unfortunate.
oh, no! we'll give you your choice.
oh, no! we'll give you your choice.
You want your right or left we'll give you your choice.
You want your right or left nipple pierced? You want your right or left nipple pierced? I don't want either nipple Nipple pierced? I don't want either nipple pierced.
I don't want either nipple pierced.
well, you got to pick one.
Pierced.
well, you got to pick one.
this is weird for me.
well, you got to pick one.
this is weird for me.
yeah.
What are you doing? this is weird for me.
yeah.
What are you doing? I'm feeling which one is more yeah.
What are you doing? I'm feeling which one is more sensitive.
I'm feeling which one is more sensitive.
oh, god, no.
Sensitive.
oh, god, no.
god, you're so weird like oh, god, no.
god, you're so weird like that.
god, you're so weird like that.
the left nipple? That.
the left nipple? left nipple! There we go.
the left nipple? left nipple! There we go.
Let's do it.
left nipple! There we go.
Let's do it.
L.
N.
-- The left nip.
Let's do it.
L.
N.
-- The left nip.
here we go.
L.
N.
-- The left nip.
here we go.
[ laughs .]
here we go.
[ laughs .]
aah! [ laughs .]
aah! Wait a second, guys.
Aah! Wait a second, guys.
Guys! Wait a second, guys.
Guys! What the [bleep.]
are we doing Guys! What the [bleep.]
are we doing right now?! What the [bleep.]
are we doing right now?! [bleep.]
what are we doing?! Right now?! [bleep.]
what are we doing?! you want to go skydiving? [bleep.]
what are we doing?! you want to go skydiving? [ screaming .]
you want to go skydiving? [ screaming .]
[ laughter .]
Hit me.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god! I can't watch this.
I can't watch this.
wait a second.
wait a second.
I can't watch it.
I can't watch it.
take a deep breath.
take a deep breath.
I've seen a lot of [bleep.]
in I've seen a lot of [bleep.]
in my day, but I can't watch this.
My day, but I can't watch this.
[bleep.]
[bleep.]
ow! Ow! [bleep.]
me! [bleep.]
me! Holy [bleep.]
oh! Holy [bleep.]
oh! don't move.
Oh! don't move.
oh, my god! don't move.
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
[ groans .]
[ laughter .]
[ groans .]
oh! Oh, I don't know.
[ groans .]
oh! Oh, I don't know.
Aah! Oh! Oh, I don't know.
Aah! Oh, my god, it looks so bizarre.
Aah! Oh, my god, it looks so bizarre.
you look even creepier! Oh, my god, it looks so bizarre.
you look even creepier! [ laughs .]
you look even creepier! [ laughs .]
aah! question number three.
you just went through hell, you just went through hell, so we're gonna give you a nice So we're gonna give you a nice easy one, all right? Easy one, all right? Out of the four of us, which one Out of the four of us, which one of us has been intimate with a Of us has been intimate with a stuffed animal? Stuffed animal? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
me, ass[bleep.]
me, ass[bleep.]
yay! You got one right, yay! You got one right, though, buddy! Though, buddy! that's two right so far.
that's two right so far.
good work.
good work.
only one more.
only one more.
all right, next question, all right, next question, murr.
Murr.
Which two of us have been hit by Which two of us have been hit by a car? A car? Not in a car accident.
Not in a car accident.
Body, car.
Body, car.
I know for a fact you've been I know for a fact you've been hit by a car.
Hit by a car.
all right.
all right.
you got a 50/50.
you got a 50/50.
oh, man.
I have no cl-- it's oh, man.
I have no cl-- it's flip of a coin.
Flip of a coin.
[ sighs .]
q.
[ sighs .]
q.
no! no! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
yes! Yes! I was 4 years old playing frisbee with my father! I was 4 years old playing frisbee with my father! It was horrible! Frisbee with my father! It was horrible! spin the wheel, buddy.
It was horrible! spin the wheel, buddy.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
spin the wheel, buddy.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
hit by a car.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
hit by a car.
oh, god.
hit by a car.
oh, god.
[ laughter .]
oh, god.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! That's [bleep.]
amazing! oh, my god! Oh, my god! That's [bleep.]
amazing! Yes! That's [bleep.]
amazing! Yes! double nipple! Yes! double nipple! yes! double nipple! yes! double nipple! [ whimpers .]
hold it, hold it, hold it.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
[ whimpers .]
[ whimpers .]
all right.
Breathe in.
all right.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe out.
[ indistinct shouting .]
[ indistinct shouting .]
[bleep.]
[bleep.]
oh! Oh! Oh! oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, my god! oh, my god! Get away from me, you bitch! Get away from me, you bitch! that's a doublé nipplé.
that's a doublé nipplé.
That's what they call that in That's what they call that in the biz -- that's a double nip.
The biz -- that's a double nip.
all right, next question.
all right, next question.
what color are our eyes? what color are our eyes? [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ sighs .]
[ sighs .]
joe's blue 'cause he always Joe's blue 'cause he always wears the blue shirts.
Wears the blue shirts.
okay, you got one.
okay, you got one.
q has brown eyes.
q has brown eyes.
oh! oh! how do you know that? how do you know that? wow.
All right.
wow.
All right.
I know the least about sal.
I know the least about sal.
I just don't I just don't [ sighs .]
I don't know.
[ sighs .]
I don't know.
I'm gonna guess I'm gonna guess Brown.
Brown.
brown.
brown.
please be brown, please be please be brown, please be brown, please be brown.
Brown, please be brown.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, what color are they? oh, what color are they? Spin the wheel? Oh, okay.
spin the wheel.
Spin the wheel? Oh, okay.
spin the wheel.
go, joker's choice! spin the wheel.
go, joker's choice! [ cheering .]
go, joker's choice! [ cheering .]
time-out! Quick huddle! [ cheering .]
time-out! Quick huddle! [ laughter .]
Time-out! Quick huddle! [ laughter .]
[ indistinct whispering .]
[ laughter .]
[ indistinct whispering .]
all: Belly button! reconsider, please.
here we go.
here we go.
I'm not a teenage girl.
I'm not a teenage girl.
I'm a grown man.
I'm a grown man.
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
breathe in.
Breathe out.
breathe in.
Breathe out.
I can't look.
I can't look.
oh, my god! oh, my god! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
ow, ow! ow, ow! this is unreal.
this is unreal.
all right, sexy.
all right, sexy.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this could be your last This could be your last question, buddy.
Question, buddy.
from first to last, what is from first to last, what is the order that we all lost our The order that we all lost our virginity? Virginity? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
the answer is the answer is Q, sal, murr, joe! Q, sal, murr, joe! [ indistinct shouting .]
[ indistinct shouting .]
you did it! Yeah! you did it! Yeah! Follow-up question -- how many Follow-up question -- how many condoms were you wearing? Condoms were you wearing? two.
two.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
wow! wow! so, we're done? I'm done? so, we're done? I'm done? we're done.
we're done.
All right, let's go.
All right, let's go.
can I have my shirt, please? can I have my shirt, please? well, what shirt? well, what shirt? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all right.
All right.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you guys want to get some you guys want to get some schwammy? Schwammy? yeah.
yeah.
[ laughter continues .]
[ laughter continues .]
hey, guys.
Quick question.
hey, guys.
Quick question.
You ever get anything pierced? You ever get anything pierced? [ laughter .]
Got q playing peekaboo? [ laughter .]
why is murr's life on the rocks? [ laughter .]
why is murr's life on the rocks? I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
Why is murr's life on the rocks? I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
[ laughter .]
I'm gonna die.
[ laughter .]
and which joker gets ripped a [ laughter .]
and which joker gets ripped a new one in tonight's punishment? And which joker gets ripped a new one in tonight's punishment? [ laughter .]
New one in tonight's punishment? [ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
Today we're at digital press videogames, Digital press videogames, shopping with our fellow gamers.
Shopping with our fellow gamers.
we've got to pick three we've got to pick three video games off the shelf that Video games off the shelf that have been planted by the other Have been planted by the other guys.
Guys.
on the back of each game is a on the back of each game is a secret action that increases in Secret action that increases in difficulty that we must Difficulty that we must accomplish.
Accomplish.
if you don't complete all if you don't complete all three actions, you lose.
Three actions, you lose.
Aah! Aah! Fatality! Fatality! ah, I wish that was real.
you are, like, the worst video-game player.
If it's not a two-button game, Video-game player.
If it's not a two-button game, you're out.
If it's not a two-button game, you're out.
Is that not true? You're out.
Is that not true? but I'm a master of Is that not true? but I'm a master of two-button games.
but I'm a master of two-button games.
[ laughter .]
Two-button games.
[ laughter .]
here we go, bud -- 6, 18, and here we go, bud -- 6, 18, and Those are your three games.
Those are your three games.
Your three levels of difficulty.
Those are your three games.
Your three levels of difficulty.
"adventures of larry: The Your three levels of difficulty.
"adventures of larry: The game.
" "adventures of larry: The game.
" [ laughter .]
Game.
" [ laughter .]
here we go.
[ laughter .]
here we go.
this is, like, the coolest here we go.
this is, like, the coolest store I've ever been to in my this is, like, the coolest store I've ever been to in my life.
Store I've ever been to in my life.
yeah.
Life.
yeah.
It's like the mecca of old yeah.
It's like the mecca of old stuff.
It's like the mecca of old stuff.
what's your favorite stuff? I'm a big "fable" nerd.
here you go, buddy.
here you go.
here you go, buddy.
here you go.
"zelda.
" standard stuff.
here you go.
"zelda.
" standard stuff.
yeah, yeah.
yeah, yeah.
So, you're like a regular n.
E.
S.
Type of gal.
So, you're like a regular n.
E.
S.
Type of gal.
[ laughter .]
Type of gal.
[ laughter .]
whoa! [ laughter .]
whoa! she saw it as a celebration.
whoa! she saw it as a celebration.
She wanted to be in on the fun.
she saw it as a celebration.
She wanted to be in on the fun.
All right.
She wanted to be in on the fun.
All right.
she's a party girl.
level two is gonna be a little bit harder.
did you see the sega museum? Little bit harder.
did you see the sega museum? no.
did you see the sega museum? no.
it's that big window thing no.
it's that big window thing right there.
it's that big window thing right there.
oh.
Right there.
oh.
[ laughter .]
oh.
[ laughter .]
go ahead.
go ahead.
Try to caress her face with the back of your hand.
Try to caress her face with the back of your hand.
I just like a nice, easy, Back of your hand.
I just like a nice, easy, simple -- you know what I mean? I just like a nice, easy, simple -- you know what I mean? Just nice and easy, nice and Simple -- you know what I mean? Just nice and easy, nice and simple, just the way we like it.
Just nice and easy, nice and simple, just the way we like it.
oh! Simple, just the way we like it.
oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
wow! She's into it! [ laughter .]
wow! She's into it! now remember, you got to get wow! She's into it! now remember, you got to get all three to the same person.
now remember, you got to get all three to the same person.
good luck with the third one.
I will sayUh [ laughter .]
how do you trust-fall onto a how do you trust-fall onto a person? She's gonna let him go.
Person? She's gonna let him go.
unexpected trust fall.
She's gonna let him go.
unexpected trust fall.
he's a 220-pound man.
unexpected trust fall.
he's a 220-pound man.
I feel like I can trust you he's a 220-pound man.
I feel like I can trust you now.
I feel like I can trust you now.
I know.
Now.
I know.
if I turned around and went I know.
if I turned around and went like this, I feel like if I turned around and went like this, I feel like [ laughter .]
Like this, I feel like [ laughter .]
that's what you get! [ laughter .]
that's what you get! what happened? I trusted you.
that's what you get! what happened? I trusted you.
[ ding! .]
what happened? I trusted you.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
all right.
You ready, gamer? Your numbers are 14, 25, and 40.
That's your death sentence.
Your numbers are 14, 25, and 40.
That's your death sentence.
[ laughs .]
That's your death sentence.
[ laughs .]
got to give him a massage.
got to give him a massage.
he's going right in for the massage! he's going right in for the massage! wow! Massage! wow! [ laughs .]
wow! [ laughs .]
there you go.
[ laughs .]
there you go.
You look a little stressed.
there you go.
You look a little stressed.
You look a little stressed.
You look a little stressed.
You look a little stressed.
You're picking out this game.
You look a little stressed.
You're picking out this game.
Let the game pick you, you know You're picking out this game.
Let the game pick you, you know what I'm saying? Let the game pick you, you know what I'm saying? he likes it! He likes it! What I'm saying? he likes it! He likes it! he likes it! he likes it! He likes it! he likes it! let the game pick you, buddy.
he likes it! let the game pick you, buddy.
[ laughter .]
let the game pick you, buddy.
[ laughter .]
do it.
[ laughter .]
do it.
Got to loosen it up.
Do it.
Got to loosen it up.
[ laughter .]
Got to loosen it up.
[ laughter .]
it's great.
[ laughter .]
it's great.
I feel like you could spend the It's great.
I feel like you could spend the whole day, you know? I feel like you could spend the whole day, you know? smooth his eyebrows.
Whole day, you know? smooth his eyebrows.
oh.
smooth his eyebrows.
oh.
[ laughs .]
oh.
[ laughs .]
if I had to pick a guy that [ laughs .]
if I had to pick a guy that had this in here, it's you.
if I had to pick a guy that had this in here, it's you.
I mean, I look at you.
Had this in here, it's you.
I mean, I look at you.
You got it all going on.
I mean, I look at you.
You got it all going on.
There you go.
You got it all going on.
There you go.
oh! There you go.
oh! they're all smooth.
oh! they're all smooth.
You know what I'm saying? they're all smooth.
You know what I'm saying? ohhhh! You know what I'm saying? ohhhh! Holy [bleep.]
ohhhh! Holy [bleep.]
wow! Holy [bleep.]
wow! he just shot him a look.
wow! he just shot him a look.
he's shooting you looks now.
he just shot him a look.
he's shooting you looks now.
good luck with the next one.
it's gross to spit in your own hand.
yes.
It's disgusting.
Own hand.
yes.
It's disgusting.
well, dude, I'd just like to yes.
It's disgusting.
well, dude, I'd just like to say nice to meet you, man.
well, dude, I'd just like to say nice to meet you, man.
What was your name? Say nice to meet you, man.
What was your name? adam.
What was your name? adam.
adam, put it there.
adam.
adam, put it there.
oh, man.
adam, put it there.
oh, man.
[ laughter .]
oh, man.
[ laughter .]
not after that? [ laughter .]
not after that? [ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
couldn't get it.
all right, q.
couldn't get it.
all right, q.
oh, this is crazy fun.
all right, q.
oh, this is crazy fun.
try to stay focused in here, oh, this is crazy fun.
try to stay focused in here, buddy.
Buddy.
[ laughter .]
You're like on crack right now.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay.
Ready, buddy? Okay.
Ready, buddy? there you go, q.
there you go, q.
this guy looks like he's there you go, q.
this guy looks like he's ready for games.
this guy looks like he's ready for games.
[ laughter .]
Ready for games.
[ laughter .]
what are you looking at, man? [ laughter .]
what are you looking at, man? Anything good? what are you looking at, man? Anything good? [ laughter .]
Anything good? [ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Just go Just go oh, my gosh.
[ laughs .]
oh, my gosh.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
oh, cool.
Hold on one second, one second.
Hold on one second, one second.
Hold that one second? Hold that one second? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
one second.
One second.
he's bowling through the he's bowling through the things.
Things.
woop! Oh! There you go.
woop! Oh! There you go.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, my lord! oh, my lord! I'm getting out here.
I'm getting out here.
[ laughter .]
look at that guy's face.
[ laughter .]
look at that guy's face.
[ laughs .]
look at that guy's face.
[ laughs .]
look at his face! [ laughs .]
look at his face! that's it? You're done.
Look at his face! that's it? You're done.
[ laughs .]
that's it? You're done.
[ laughs .]
he ripped through them.
[ laughs .]
he ripped through them.
q has left the store! he ripped through them.
q has left the store! [ ding! .]
murr, you ready? what's your favorite system? what's your favorite system? right now I'd go for the what's your favorite system? right now I'd go for the atari 5200.
right now I'd go for the atari 5200.
oh, is that right? Atari 5200.
oh, is that right? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
do you ever go to yard sales to find stuff? Do you ever go to yard sales to find stuff? oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Find stuff? oh, yeah.
Yeah.
yeah? oh, yeah.
Yeah.
yeah? all the time.
yeah? all the time.
and do you find any good all the time.
and do you find any good stuff? and do you find any good stuff? sometime.
Stuff? sometime.
yeah.
sometime.
yeah.
he doesn't care! oh! [ laughs .]
there's a game you got about [ laughs .]
there's a game you got about "boogerman.
" there's a game you got about "boogerman.
" a guy will go around.
"boogerman.
" a guy will go around.
He's flicking his boogers.
A guy will go around.
He's flicking his boogers.
going around, you know, "hey, He's flicking his boogers.
going around, you know, "hey, hey.
" going around, you know, "hey, hey.
" [ laughs .]
Hey.
" [ laughs .]
murray just slapped him in the [ laughs .]
murray just slapped him in the face! Murray just slapped him in the face! I would never do something Face! I would never do something like that.
I would never do something like that.
I know.
Like that.
I know.
Going around doing that.
I know.
Going around doing that.
it's a slap fight! Going around doing that.
it's a slap fight! yeah, you know, he's going it's a slap fight! yeah, you know, he's going like this -- "hey!" yeah, you know, he's going like this -- "hey!" [ laughter .]
Like this -- "hey!" [ laughter .]
like that.
[ laughter .]
like that.
I would never do something Like that.
I would never do something like that stuff.
I would never do something like that stuff.
I'd be crazy.
Like that stuff.
I'd be crazy.
yeah.
See? There you go.
I'd be crazy.
yeah.
See? There you go.
this guy is unbreakable! oh! level three, babe.
level three, babe.
This is tough, level three.
I feel like the games have This is tough, level three.
I feel like the games have gotten so complicated.
I feel like the games have gotten so complicated.
It just drives me crazy.
Gotten so complicated.
It just drives me crazy.
yeah.
It just drives me crazy.
yeah.
it drives me crazy.
it drives me crazy.
this guy's blocking his mouth.
this guy's blocking his mouth.
[ laughs .]
Mouth.
[ laughs .]
you have very tight, pursed [ laughs .]
you have very tight, pursed lips.
you have very tight, pursed lips.
[ laughs .]
Lips.
[ laughs .]
there's too much going on -- [ laughs .]
there's too much going on -- the screen, and then you got there's too much going on -- the screen, and then you got to -- there's like eight The screen, and then you got to -- there's like eight different buttons.
To -- there's like eight different buttons.
There's like eight different Different buttons.
There's like eight different buttons going on.
There's like eight different buttons going on.
It's just so crazy.
Buttons going on.
It's just so crazy.
is he getting him? It's just so crazy.
is he getting him? I can't tell.
is he getting him? I can't tell.
it just makes me go crazy.
I can't tell.
it just makes me go crazy.
There's too much.
it just makes me go crazy.
There's too much.
he's missing! There's too much.
he's missing! he missed! He missed! he's missing! he missed! He missed! wah-wah-wah.
he missed! He missed! wah-wah-wah.
[ laughter .]
wah-wah-wah.
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Murr and joe [ buzzer .]
narrator: Murr and joe couldn't beat this level, so narrator: Murr and joe couldn't beat this level, so they're first up on the loser Couldn't beat this level, so they're first up on the loser board.
They're first up on the loser board.
today we're hanging out at Board.
today we're hanging out at brooklyn boulders, playing one today we're hanging out at brooklyn boulders, playing one of our favorite games -- Brooklyn boulders, playing one of our favorite games -- "repeat after me.
" Of our favorite games -- "repeat after me.
" we're gonna be teaching "repeat after me.
" we're gonna be teaching rock-climbing, and the other we're gonna be teaching rock-climbing, and the other guys are gonna feed us an Rock-climbing, and the other guys are gonna feed us an unusual word that we must get Guys are gonna feed us an unusual word that we must get the climber to repeat before Unusual word that we must get the climber to repeat before they cross the finish line.
The climber to repeat before they cross the finish line.
that's right.
They cross the finish line.
that's right.
And if you can't get them to say that's right.
And if you can't get them to say that word before they reach the And if you can't get them to say that word before they reach the top, you lose.
That word before they reach the top, you lose.
"carpaccio.
" Top, you lose.
"carpaccio.
" carpaccio.
"carpaccio.
" carpaccio.
nice.
carpaccio.
nice.
[ laughter .]
so, yeah.
So, who wants to go first? I'll go first.
So, who wants to go first? I'll go first.
okay.
I'll go first.
okay.
sal, your word, buddy, is okay.
sal, your word, buddy, is "rigamarole.
" sal, your word, buddy, is "rigamarole.
" [ laughter .]
"rigamarole.
" [ laughter .]
I have to go through this [ laughter .]
I have to go through this whole rigamarole with you I have to go through this whole rigamarole with you because it's my job, you know, Whole rigamarole with you because it's my job, you know, to tell you this.
Because it's my job, you know, to tell you this.
But if you have any questions To tell you this.
But if you have any questions for me and you don't want to But if you have any questions for me and you don't want to hear the whole rigamarole all For me and you don't want to hear the whole rigamarole all the time, just let me know.
Hear the whole rigamarole all the time, just let me know.
she's on the wall.
she's on the wall.
The race is on.
we're off to the races.
The race is on.
we're off to the races.
don't worry.
we're off to the races.
don't worry.
You'll be up and down these don't worry.
You'll be up and down these things all day.
You'll be up and down these things all day.
There will be a whole rigamarole Things all day.
There will be a whole rigamarole for you all day.
There will be a whole rigamarole for you all day.
come on, bud.
For you all day.
come on, bud.
You got to work harder than come on, bud.
You got to work harder than that.
You got to work harder than that.
one time I rigamaroled my That.
one time I rigamaroled my ankle on this thing.
one time I rigamaroled my ankle on this thing.
It was painful.
Ankle on this thing.
It was painful.
[ chuckles .]
It was painful.
[ chuckles .]
[ laughs .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
how are you feeling so far? [ laughter .]
how are you feeling so far? good.
How are you feeling so far? good.
good? good.
good? great talk.
good? great talk.
[ laughter .]
great talk.
[ laughter .]
do you feel like you're [ laughter .]
do you feel like you're getting the hang of the whole do you feel like you're getting the hang of the whole rigamarole? Getting the hang of the whole rigamarole? yeah.
Rigamarole? yeah.
all right.
yeah.
all right.
she's a woman of few words.
all right.
she's a woman of few words.
The problem is, one of those she's a woman of few words.
The problem is, one of those words is not "rigamarole.
" The problem is, one of those words is not "rigamarole.
" [ laughs .]
Words is not "rigamarole.
" [ laughs .]
uh-oh.
[ laughs .]
uh-oh.
bud, she's two hands away.
uh-oh.
bud, she's two hands away.
the next few moves are very bud, she's two hands away.
the next few moves are very important.
the next few moves are very important.
That whole rigamarole that Important.
That whole rigamarole that you're doing right now is -- That whole rigamarole that you're doing right now is -- this is a crucial part right You're doing right now is -- this is a crucial part right here.
This is a crucial part right here.
no way.
Here.
no way.
sal! no way.
sal! rigamarole! sal! rigamarole! [ laughs .]
rigamarole! [ laughs .]
right? [ laughs .]
right? uh-huh.
right? uh-huh.
[ laughter .]
uh-huh.
[ laughter .]
now he's just shouting [ laughter .]
now he's just shouting "rigamarole" at her.
now he's just shouting "rigamarole" at her.
what do we got? "rigamarole" at her.
what do we got? You got the whole rigamarole, what do we got? You got the whole rigamarole, right? You got the whole rigamarole, right? [ laughter .]
Right? [ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
sucker! Hi, guys.
How are you? hi.
I'm veronica.
I'm james.
hi.
I'm veronica.
I'm james.
james, I'm vic.
I'm james.
james, I'm vic.
vic, nice to meet you.
james, I'm vic.
vic, nice to meet you.
is this murray's phone? vic, nice to meet you.
is this murray's phone? This is murray's phone.
is this murray's phone? This is murray's phone.
is it unlocked? This is murray's phone.
is it unlocked? [ laughs .]
is it unlocked? [ laughs .]
you have got to be kidding you have got to be kidding me.
so, now we're in, and the Me.
so, now we're in, and the question is, now what? so, now we're in, and the question is, now what? okay, great, great, great, Question is, now what? okay, great, great, great, great, great.
okay, great, great, great, great, great.
"thanks for the help.
Great, great.
"thanks for the help.
Problem solved.
" "thanks for the help.
Problem solved.
" [ laughter .]
"hey, viagra, thanks for the help! Help! #problemsolved.
" #problemsolved.
" we'll just tweet that real We'll just tweet that real quick.
Quick.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay, what do we got? okay, what do we got? Let's see.
Let's see.
oh.
You need a word.
oh.
You need a word.
yes.
yes.
[ chuckles .]
sorry.
[ chuckles .]
sorry.
"I'm gonna die.
" "I'm gonna die.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay.
Right.
okay.
Right.
hyphenated.
hyphenated.
good luck with that.
all right, vic, go for it.
good luck with that.
all right, vic, go for it.
[ laughter .]
all right, vic, go for it.
[ laughter .]
here you go.
[ laughter .]
here you go.
Now, I know what you're Here you go.
Now, I know what you're thinking, right? Now, I know what you're thinking, right? Like, "I'm gonna die.
" Thinking, right? Like, "I'm gonna die.
" you're thinking you're gonna Like, "I'm gonna die.
" you're thinking you're gonna die, right? You're thinking you're gonna die, right? Like, "I'm gonna die.
" Die, right? Like, "I'm gonna die.
" he's just going.
Like, "I'm gonna die.
" he's just going.
like, "I'm gonna die.
he's just going.
like, "I'm gonna die.
Oh [bleep.]
like, "I'm gonna die.
Oh [bleep.]
oh [bleep.]
I'm gonna die.
" Oh [bleep.]
oh [bleep.]
I'm gonna die.
" vic.
Oh [bleep.]
I'm gonna die.
" vic.
[ laughter .]
Vic.
[ laughter .]
okay, vic, you're awfully -- [ laughter .]
okay, vic, you're awfully -- you're a big guy.
Okay, vic, you're awfully -- you're a big guy.
You're almost halfway there You're a big guy.
You're almost halfway there already and I haven't even said You're almost halfway there already and I haven't even said a word.
Already and I haven't even said a word.
Vic, I know what you're A word.
Vic, I know what you're thinking.
Vic, I know what you're thinking.
"I'm gonna die," right? Thinking.
"I'm gonna die," right? 'I'm gonna die.
" "I'm gonna die," right? 'I'm gonna die.
" is that what you're thinking? 'I'm gonna die.
" is that what you're thinking? yep.
Is that what you're thinking? yep.
you keep thinking that, but yep.
you keep thinking that, but you're gonna be fine, vic.
you keep thinking that, but you're gonna be fine, vic.
No matter what you think -- "I'm You're gonna be fine, vic.
No matter what you think -- "I'm gonna die.
" No matter what you think -- "I'm gonna die.
" [ laughter .]
Gonna die.
" [ laughter .]
just, vic -- it's impossible! [ laughter .]
just, vic -- it's impossible! He's already there.
Just, vic -- it's impossible! He's already there.
You're a tall mother[bleep.]
He's already there.
You're a tall mother[bleep.]
[ cheering .]
You're a tall mother[bleep.]
[ cheering .]
he's 6'8".
[ cheering .]
he's 6'8".
[ sighs .]
He's 6'8".
[ sighs .]
[ buzzer .]
[ sighs .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
step on up.
You know who would be really good at this game? You know who would be really good at this game? Spider-man.
Good at this game? Spider-man.
[ laughter .]
Spider-man.
[ laughter .]
you're up next, big guy.
[ laughter .]
you're up next, big guy.
q, your word is you're up next, big guy.
q, your word is "lumpenproletariat.
" q, your word is "lumpenproletariat.
" [ laughter .]
"lumpenproletariat.
" [ laughter .]
lumpenproletariat, bud, is a lumpenproletariat, bud, is a term that karl marx coined to describe the layer of the Term that karl marx coined to describe the layer of the working class that is unlikely Describe the layer of the working class that is unlikely to ever achieve class Working class that is unlikely to ever achieve class consciousness.
To ever achieve class consciousness.
you ever read karl marx? Consciousness.
you ever read karl marx? [ laughter .]
you ever read karl marx? [ laughter .]
so, what I want you to do is I [ laughter .]
so, what I want you to do is I want you to tackle this like a So, what I want you to do is I want you to tackle this like a lumpenproletariat.
Want you to tackle this like a lumpenproletariat.
There we go.
Lumpenproletariat.
There we go.
He's off to the races.
There we go.
He's off to the races.
here we go.
He's off to the races.
here we go.
he's going fast.
here we go.
he's going fast.
enjoy yourself.
he's going fast.
enjoy yourself.
Slow down.
Slow down.
enjoy yourself.
Slow down.
Slow down.
Enjoy yourself.
Slow down.
Slow down.
Enjoy yourself.
[ laughter .]
Enjoy yourself.
[ laughter .]
lumpenproletariat.
[ laughter .]
lumpenproletariat.
Dude, you are going so fast.
Lumpenproletariat.
Dude, you are going so fast.
Lumpenproletariat.
Dude, you are going so fast.
Lumpenproletariat.
[ laughter .]
Lumpenproletariat.
[ laughter .]
is that a race? [ laughter .]
is that a race? oh! Is that a race? oh! when I say "lumpen," you say oh! when I say "lumpen," you say "proletariat.
" when I say "lumpen," you say "proletariat.
" lumpen! "proletariat.
" lumpen! both: Proletariat! Lumpen! both: Proletariat! it doesn't work as well.
both: Proletariat! it doesn't work as well.
[ laughter .]
it doesn't work as well.
[ laughter .]
just shut up.
[ laughter .]
just shut up.
[ buzzer .]
just shut up.
[ buzzer .]
#problemsolved.
[ buzzer .]
#problemsolved.
yeah.
#problemsolved.
yeah.
yeah.
#problemsolved.
yeah.
yeah.
#problemsolved.
what's this "problem solved" yeah.
#problemsolved.
what's this "problem solved" thing going on? what's this "problem solved" thing going on? you didn't hear it? Thing going on? you didn't hear it? unh-unh.
you didn't hear it? unh-unh.
it's on twitter.
unh-unh.
it's on twitter.
[ sighs .]
it's on twitter.
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
"hey, @viagra, thanks for the [ laughter .]
"hey, @viagra, thanks for the help.
"hey, @viagra, thanks for the help.
Problem solved.
" Help.
Problem solved.
" hashtaproblem solved.
Problem solved.
" hashtaproblem solved.
hashtag problem solved.
hashtaproblem solved.
hashtag problem solved.
Not funny, jerks.
hashtag problem solved.
Not funny, jerks.
Not funny, jerks.
[ laughter .]
what you want to do is you want to get to the top of there.
all right.
Want to get to the top of there.
all right.
okay? all right.
okay? joe.
okay? joe.
yeah? joe.
yeah? your word is "ballbag.
" yeah? your word is "ballbag.
" [ laughs .]
your word is "ballbag.
" [ laughs .]
okay.
[ laughs .]
okay.
ballbag.
ballbag.
yeah, exactly.
At the end of gym class, you put yeah, exactly.
At the end of gym class, you put all the balls in the ballbag.
At the end of gym class, you put all the balls in the ballbag.
she's on the wall.
All the balls in the ballbag.
she's on the wall.
here we go.
You got it.
she's on the wall.
here we go.
You got it.
for a billion dollars, she here we go.
You got it.
for a billion dollars, she will never say "ballbag.
" for a billion dollars, she will never say "ballbag.
" never gonna happen.
Will never say "ballbag.
" never gonna happen.
[ laughter .]
never gonna happen.
[ laughter .]
you want to put the ball of [ laughter .]
you want to put the ball of your foot right in the bag.
you want to put the ball of your foot right in the bag.
You want to ballbag it.
Your foot right in the bag.
You want to ballbag it.
oh! All right.
You want to ballbag it.
oh! All right.
you want to put the ball of oh! All right.
you want to put the ball of your foot in the bag.
you want to put the ball of your foot in the bag.
ball of my foot in the bag? Your foot in the bag.
ball of my foot in the bag? [ all yelling .]
ball of my foot in the bag? [ all yelling .]
that's not it! [ all yelling .]
that's not it! good.
that's not it! good.
You want to get that foot in good.
You want to get that foot in there.
You want to get that foot in there.
You want to ballbag.
There.
You want to ballbag.
[ laughs .]
You want to ballbag.
[ laughs .]
what's that? get that foot in there.
Yeah.
Foot in the ballbag.
Yeah.
Foot in the ballbag.
You want to ballbag.
[ laughter .]
You want to ballbag.
[ laughter .]
now, watch your stance.
Good.
[ laughter .]
now, watch your stance.
Good.
Wide stance.
Now, watch your stance.
Good.
Wide stance.
If you want to ballbag over Wide stance.
If you want to ballbag over there.
If you want to ballbag over there.
ballbag.
There.
ballbag.
[ laughter .]
ballbag.
[ laughter .]
she said it.
[ laughter .]
she said it.
there you go.
she said it.
there you go.
Great.
there you go.
Great.
Ballbag.
Great.
Ballbag.
ballbag! Ballbag.
ballbag! yeah! ballbag! yeah! oh, my god! yeah! oh, my god! Rub it in our faces, why don't oh, my god! Rub it in our faces, why don't you? Rub it in our faces, why don't you? that's a ballbag.
You? that's a ballbag.
[ ding! .]
that's a ballbag.
[ ding! .]
narrator: Q, murr, and sal [ ding! .]
narrator: Q, murr, and sal took the rocky road straight to narrator: Q, murr, and sal took the rocky road straight to the loser board.
The loser board.
today we're attempting to today we're attempting to give away tickets to events that Give away tickets to events that we can no longer attend.
We can no longer attend.
ah, but these events will be ah, but these events will be incredibly unappealing, as Incredibly unappealing, as they've been made up by the They've been made up by the other guys.
Other guys.
the goal is to get the person the goal is to get the person to take the tickets no matter To take the tickets no matter how horrible it sounds.
How horrible it sounds.
if you can't get them to take if you can't get them to take your tickets, you lose.
Your tickets, you lose.
tickets here! tickets here! bad tickets! bad tickets! get your horrible tickets get your horrible tickets here! Here! narrator: It's murr and joe narrator: It's murr and joe in a joker versus joker In a joker versus joker challenge.
Challenge.
hey, bud, do you want my hey, bud, do you want my tickets? Tickets? I can't use them.
I can't use them.
I just don't want them to go to I just don't want them to go to waste.
Waste.
It's for this weekend.
It's for this weekend.
The show is -- I don't know if The show is -- I don't know if you've seen it already.
You've seen it already.
It's "piss --" it's "piss angel: It's "piss --" it's "piss angel: Bathroom magic.
" [ laughter .]
Bathroom magic.
" [ laughter .]
in the show, the magician makes [ laughter .]
in the show, the magician makes a number two disappear.
In the show, the magician makes a number two disappear.
[ laughs .]
A number two disappear.
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
do you like magic? [ laughter .]
do you like magic? He's piss angel.
Do you like magic? He's piss angel.
Have you heard of him? He's piss angel.
Have you heard of him? Your reaction should be, "holy Have you heard of him? Your reaction should be, "holy [bleep.]
Your reaction should be, "holy [bleep.]
piss angel! [bleep.]
piss angel! I haven't seen him perform yet.
" Piss angel! I haven't seen him perform yet.
" take them.
I haven't seen him perform yet.
" take them.
It's free broadway tickets.
Take them.
It's free broadway tickets.
Those are front-row urinal It's free broadway tickets.
Those are front-row urinal seats.
Those are front-row urinal seats.
It costs you nothing.
Seats.
It costs you nothing.
what? It costs you nothing.
what? he wants to give them back.
he wants to give them back.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
free tickets? free tickets? [ laughing .]
you son of a bitch.
[ laughing .]
you son of a bitch.
give that guy a thumbs up.
give that guy a thumbs up.
Give that guy a thumbs up.
Give that guy a thumbs up.
he wins! he wins! you made my thumbs up you made my thumbs up disappear.
Disappear.
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
hey, pal.
How's it going? hey, pal.
How's it going? I got tickets for a show I got tickets for a show tonight I can't make.
Tonight I can't make.
Giving them away.
Giving them away.
The show is The show is "introducing fritz cold cockin.
" "introducing fritz cold cockin.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
fritz cold cockin, the most fritz cold cockin, the most ridiculous name we could think Ridiculous name we could think of.
Of.
it's a story about it's a story about fritz cold cockin and how he Fritz cold cockin and how he came to be.
Came to be.
He started, actually, as a miner, you know, like a coal He started, actually, as a miner, you know, like a coal miner.
Miner, you know, like a coal miner.
He invented the diamond.
Miner.
He invented the diamond.
[ laughter .]
He invented the diamond.
[ laughter .]
then he started boxing.
[ laughter .]
then he started boxing.
And you ever hear about you Then he started boxing.
And you ever hear about you getting coldcocked? And you ever hear about you getting coldcocked? That's him -- fritz cold cockin.
Getting coldcocked? That's him -- fritz cold cockin.
Yeah, he'd knock people out with That's him -- fritz cold cockin.
Yeah, he'd knock people out with one punch.
Yeah, he'd knock people out with one punch.
He'd coldcock him.
One punch.
He'd coldcock him.
[ laughter .]
He'd coldcock him.
[ laughter .]
knock, knock.
[ laughter .]
knock, knock.
Fritz.
Knock, knock.
Fritz.
coldcock? Fritz.
coldcock? fritz cold cockin.
coldcock? fritz cold cockin.
[ laughter .]
fritz cold cockin.
[ laughter .]
here you go, buddy.
[ laughter .]
here you go, buddy.
Enjoy the show, all right? Here you go, buddy.
Enjoy the show, all right? Thanks, bud.
Enjoy the show, all right? Thanks, bud.
you coldcocked the [bleep.]
Thanks, bud.
you coldcocked the [bleep.]
out of that one, buddy.
you coldcocked the [bleep.]
out of that one, buddy.
[ laughter .]
Out of that one, buddy.
[ laughter .]
bang! [ laughter .]
bang! [ ding! .]
bang! [ ding! .]
narrator: Murr just scored a [ ding! .]
narrator: Murr just scored a front-row seat to his own narrator: Murr just scored a front-row seat to his own punishment.
Front-row seat to his own punishment.
we're here at village pop for Punishment.
we're here at village pop for murr's punishment, and we're we're here at village pop for murr's punishment, and we're about to play Murr's punishment, and we're about to play all: Wheel of piercing! About to play all: Wheel of piercing! that's right, murr.
all: Wheel of piercing! that's right, murr.
We're gonna ask you a set of that's right, murr.
We're gonna ask you a set of very specific questions that, as We're gonna ask you a set of very specific questions that, as our friend, you should know.
Very specific questions that, as our friend, you should know.
that's right.
Our friend, you should know.
that's right.
And for every question you get that's right.
And for every question you get incorrect, you have to spin the And for every question you get incorrect, you have to spin the wheel and get that part of your Incorrect, you have to spin the wheel and get that part of your body pierced.
Wheel and get that part of your body pierced.
he'll never be able to walk Body pierced.
he'll never be able to walk through a metal detector again.
he'll never be able to walk through a metal detector again.
[ laughter .]
Here it is -- wheel of piercing.
All right, murr, here we go.
It's simple.
All right, murr, here we go.
It's simple.
Answer the question right, don't It's simple.
Answer the question right, don't get pierced.
Answer the question right, don't get pierced.
that's it? Get pierced.
that's it? three questions right is when that's it? three questions right is when it ends.
three questions right is when it ends.
say hi to lolee.
It ends.
say hi to lolee.
hi.
say hi to lolee.
hi.
she's the one that will be hi.
she's the one that will be piercing you today.
she's the one that will be piercing you today.
Here we go.
All right.
Piercing you today.
Here we go.
All right.
First question.
There are two foods that I won't eat -- what are they? Eat -- what are they? I know one.
I know one.
what's one? what's one? peanut butter.
peanut butter.
that's right.
That's right.
that's right.
That's right.
All right.
All right.
you do not eat sushi.
you do not eat sushi.
all: Ah! all: Ah! he's got it.
he's got it.
bam! bam! My temple is intact.
My temple is intact.
okay, so, that's one right.
okay, so, that's one right.
uh-huh.
uh-huh.
two to go.
two to go.
what is my favorite what is my favorite lionel richie song? Lionel richie song? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you're a sentimental guy.
you're a sentimental guy.
I'm going with "hello.
" I'm going with "hello.
" absolutely not.
absolutely not.
no.
no.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what is it? what is it? "running with the night," baby.
"running with the night," baby.
"running with the night.
" Baby.
"running with the night.
" say goodbye to something "running with the night.
" say goodbye to something 'cause it's about to get say goodbye to something 'cause it's about to get pierced.
'cause it's about to get pierced.
[ stammering .]
oh, my god.
Pierced.
[ stammering .]
oh, my god.
spin it.
[ stammering .]
oh, my god.
spin it.
guys.
spin it.
guys.
spin that wheel! guys.
spin that wheel! [ laughter .]
yes! oh, no! oh, that is unfortunate.
oh, no! oh, that is unfortunate.
oh, no! oh, that is unfortunate.
oh, no! we'll give you your choice.
oh, no! we'll give you your choice.
You want your right or left we'll give you your choice.
You want your right or left nipple pierced? You want your right or left nipple pierced? I don't want either nipple Nipple pierced? I don't want either nipple pierced.
I don't want either nipple pierced.
well, you got to pick one.
Pierced.
well, you got to pick one.
this is weird for me.
well, you got to pick one.
this is weird for me.
yeah.
What are you doing? this is weird for me.
yeah.
What are you doing? I'm feeling which one is more yeah.
What are you doing? I'm feeling which one is more sensitive.
I'm feeling which one is more sensitive.
oh, god, no.
Sensitive.
oh, god, no.
god, you're so weird like oh, god, no.
god, you're so weird like that.
god, you're so weird like that.
the left nipple? That.
the left nipple? left nipple! There we go.
the left nipple? left nipple! There we go.
Let's do it.
left nipple! There we go.
Let's do it.
L.
N.
-- The left nip.
Let's do it.
L.
N.
-- The left nip.
here we go.
L.
N.
-- The left nip.
here we go.
[ laughs .]
here we go.
[ laughs .]
aah! [ laughs .]
aah! Wait a second, guys.
Aah! Wait a second, guys.
Guys! Wait a second, guys.
Guys! What the [bleep.]
are we doing Guys! What the [bleep.]
are we doing right now?! What the [bleep.]
are we doing right now?! [bleep.]
what are we doing?! Right now?! [bleep.]
what are we doing?! you want to go skydiving? [bleep.]
what are we doing?! you want to go skydiving? [ screaming .]
you want to go skydiving? [ screaming .]
[ laughter .]
Hit me.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god! I can't watch this.
I can't watch this.
wait a second.
wait a second.
I can't watch it.
I can't watch it.
take a deep breath.
take a deep breath.
I've seen a lot of [bleep.]
in I've seen a lot of [bleep.]
in my day, but I can't watch this.
My day, but I can't watch this.
[bleep.]
[bleep.]
ow! Ow! [bleep.]
me! [bleep.]
me! Holy [bleep.]
oh! Holy [bleep.]
oh! don't move.
Oh! don't move.
oh, my god! don't move.
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
[ groans .]
[ laughter .]
[ groans .]
oh! Oh, I don't know.
[ groans .]
oh! Oh, I don't know.
Aah! Oh! Oh, I don't know.
Aah! Oh, my god, it looks so bizarre.
Aah! Oh, my god, it looks so bizarre.
you look even creepier! Oh, my god, it looks so bizarre.
you look even creepier! [ laughs .]
you look even creepier! [ laughs .]
aah! question number three.
you just went through hell, you just went through hell, so we're gonna give you a nice So we're gonna give you a nice easy one, all right? Easy one, all right? Out of the four of us, which one Out of the four of us, which one of us has been intimate with a Of us has been intimate with a stuffed animal? Stuffed animal? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
me, ass[bleep.]
me, ass[bleep.]
yay! You got one right, yay! You got one right, though, buddy! Though, buddy! that's two right so far.
that's two right so far.
good work.
good work.
only one more.
only one more.
all right, next question, all right, next question, murr.
Murr.
Which two of us have been hit by Which two of us have been hit by a car? A car? Not in a car accident.
Not in a car accident.
Body, car.
Body, car.
I know for a fact you've been I know for a fact you've been hit by a car.
Hit by a car.
all right.
all right.
you got a 50/50.
you got a 50/50.
oh, man.
I have no cl-- it's oh, man.
I have no cl-- it's flip of a coin.
Flip of a coin.
[ sighs .]
q.
[ sighs .]
q.
no! no! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
yes! Yes! I was 4 years old playing frisbee with my father! I was 4 years old playing frisbee with my father! It was horrible! Frisbee with my father! It was horrible! spin the wheel, buddy.
It was horrible! spin the wheel, buddy.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
spin the wheel, buddy.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
hit by a car.
[ laughing .]
oh, my god.
hit by a car.
oh, god.
hit by a car.
oh, god.
[ laughter .]
oh, god.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! That's [bleep.]
amazing! oh, my god! Oh, my god! That's [bleep.]
amazing! Yes! That's [bleep.]
amazing! Yes! double nipple! Yes! double nipple! yes! double nipple! yes! double nipple! [ whimpers .]
hold it, hold it, hold it.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
[ whimpers .]
[ whimpers .]
all right.
Breathe in.
all right.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe out.
[ indistinct shouting .]
[ indistinct shouting .]
[bleep.]
[bleep.]
oh! Oh! Oh! oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, my god! oh, my god! Get away from me, you bitch! Get away from me, you bitch! that's a doublé nipplé.
that's a doublé nipplé.
That's what they call that in That's what they call that in the biz -- that's a double nip.
The biz -- that's a double nip.
all right, next question.
all right, next question.
what color are our eyes? what color are our eyes? [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ sighs .]
[ sighs .]
joe's blue 'cause he always Joe's blue 'cause he always wears the blue shirts.
Wears the blue shirts.
okay, you got one.
okay, you got one.
q has brown eyes.
q has brown eyes.
oh! oh! how do you know that? how do you know that? wow.
All right.
wow.
All right.
I know the least about sal.
I know the least about sal.
I just don't I just don't [ sighs .]
I don't know.
[ sighs .]
I don't know.
I'm gonna guess I'm gonna guess Brown.
Brown.
brown.
brown.
please be brown, please be please be brown, please be brown, please be brown.
Brown, please be brown.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, what color are they? oh, what color are they? Spin the wheel? Oh, okay.
spin the wheel.
Spin the wheel? Oh, okay.
spin the wheel.
go, joker's choice! spin the wheel.
go, joker's choice! [ cheering .]
go, joker's choice! [ cheering .]
time-out! Quick huddle! [ cheering .]
time-out! Quick huddle! [ laughter .]
Time-out! Quick huddle! [ laughter .]
[ indistinct whispering .]
[ laughter .]
[ indistinct whispering .]
all: Belly button! reconsider, please.
here we go.
here we go.
I'm not a teenage girl.
I'm not a teenage girl.
I'm a grown man.
I'm a grown man.
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
breathe in.
Breathe out.
breathe in.
Breathe out.
I can't look.
I can't look.
oh, my god! oh, my god! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
ow, ow! ow, ow! this is unreal.
this is unreal.
all right, sexy.
all right, sexy.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this could be your last This could be your last question, buddy.
Question, buddy.
from first to last, what is from first to last, what is the order that we all lost our The order that we all lost our virginity? Virginity? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
the answer is the answer is Q, sal, murr, joe! Q, sal, murr, joe! [ indistinct shouting .]
[ indistinct shouting .]
you did it! Yeah! you did it! Yeah! Follow-up question -- how many Follow-up question -- how many condoms were you wearing? Condoms were you wearing? two.
two.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
wow! wow! so, we're done? I'm done? so, we're done? I'm done? we're done.
we're done.
All right, let's go.
All right, let's go.
can I have my shirt, please? can I have my shirt, please? well, what shirt? well, what shirt? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all right.
All right.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you guys want to get some you guys want to get some schwammy? Schwammy? yeah.
yeah.
[ laughter continues .]
[ laughter continues .]
hey, guys.
Quick question.
hey, guys.
Quick question.
You ever get anything pierced? You ever get anything pierced? [ laughter .]