Lip Sync Battle (2015) s03e15 Episode Script

1 Oh! Friends say it's fine, friends say it's good Everybody says It's just like Robin Hood Well, it's plain to see You were meant for me, yeah I'm your boy Your 20th century toy When it comes to the mic, he always makes it hot.
Give it up for your rap man of steel, LL Cool J! Yeah! Hands in the air! Hands in the air! - Say, "Yeah!" - Yeah! Now scream! I like that.
Welcome to Lip Sync Battle, the show that brings music and nonstop energy together for a truly unforgettable time.
Tonight, we've got a battle pitting two talented celebs against each other of course, but before we bring 'em out I gotta bring out my girl.
The LSB color commentator who always keeps it a hundred, the dynamic, the charismatic Chrissy Teigen.
Everywhere I go, go, go, go, go - Hey! - All they do is stare and stare All they do is stare and stare All they do is stare and stare And stare and stare Woo! - Hello! - Wassup? That's a warm welcome.
Oh my god.
You guys, tonight we have an improv comedy genius versus a fashion icon who also happens to be hysterical.
I love her.
I love him.
Get ready for this.
- It's gonna be on.
- It's gonna be crazy.
Let's get it going.
- It's gonna be crazy.
Let's do it! Let's start! - You go, Chrissy! She's a style icon.
She's a mom.
She stars on the NBC sitcom Great News.
The beautiful, the multi-talented Nicole Richie! And, he's a hilarious actor.
He's featured in Pitch Perfect, The Break-Up, now he stars alongside Nicole in Great News.
Please put your hands together for John Michael Higgins! Welcome, welcome, welcome.
So, uh - how you guys feeling? - I feel - angry - Mm-hmm.
and ready to shake my tail feather.
I like it.
I like it.
Okay, so on that note, Nicole, you gonna get us started.
Come on over, Nicole.
- It's good to see you.
- Good to see you.
What are you gonna do for us tonight? I don't think I need to announce.
I think in one second, it'll just be obvious.
Okay.
I like that.
I like that.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, you ready? Here is Nicole Richie! Yo, VIP! Let's kick it! Ice ice baby All right, stop, collaborate and listen Ice is back with my brand new invention Something grabs a hold of me tightly Flow like a harpoon, daily and nightly Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know Turn off the lights and I'll glow To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle Dance, bum rush the speaker that booms I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom Deadly, when I play a dope melody Anything less than the best is a felony Love it or leave it, you better gain way You better hit the bull's eye, the kid don't play If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla - Hey, cut it out! - Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet Miami's on the scene, just in case you didn't know it My town, that created all the bass sound Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground 'Cause my style's like a chemical spill Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel Conducted and formed, this is a hell of a concept We make it hype and you want to step With this, Shay plays on the fade Slice like a ninja, cut like a razor blade So fast, other DJs say, "Damn" If my rhyme was a drug, I'd sell it by the gram If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it! Check out the hook while Deshay revolves it - Ow! Oh my god, ow! - Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla - Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice - Hey! Yo, man, Let's get out of here.
Word to your mother.
- I love it.
- Milk it.
Milk it, girl.
Wow.
That was erotic, iconic, amazing.
- That was pretty - That's exactly how I felt.
Michael.
What? That was cheating.
I can't I'm not gonna hump the floor.
- It's out it's out of the question.
- Do it! Why are you here then? I don't understand.
- That was great, Nicole.
You you head over to the VIP.
- Okay.
- You chill out.
- Here we go, you Mike, come on over, come on over, come on over.
All right! You gotta put some numbers on the board, baby.
- I know, I know.
- So, what song are you gonna do for us? Well, uh, I asked them to make it a surprise.
All right, then.
Ladies and gentlemen, John Michael Higgins! Move yourself You always live your life Never thinking of the future Prove yourself You are the move you make Take your chances, win or loser See yourself You are the steps you take You and you and that's the only way Shake, shake yourself You're every move you make So the story goes Owner of a lonely heart Owner of a lonely heart Much better than the owner of a broken heart Owner of a lonely heart Oh! After my own indecision, they confused me so My love said never question your will at all In the end you've got to go Look before you leap, owner of a lonely heart And don't you hesitate at all, no no Yow! Throw in the towel! So, Chrissy, he got me and you, I mean I am so happy.
I got to see my favorite scene from The Break-Up done in real time, in real life, right in front of me.
Come, come with the drum.
Come, come with the kick drum.
People tell me you're an a cappella singer for real, like - you really - I am, yes.
They didn't know that when they cast me in the movie.
- They really didn't.
- Were you the head of the a cappella group, though? 'Cause John was in a cappella as well, but he would never I don't think I don't think so.
I don't think he would know how to put together an entire arrangement.
- Well - Are you kidding me? I don't I'm sorry, I don't know.
You don't think John Legend would know how to - Hey, John! - Where is he? John? - John! - Oh, okay.
I'm just saying, you wouldn't know That's literally what I did for my a cappella group.
- But you weren't like - I was the musical director.
I was gonna say you weren't the musical director.
- Just like my friend here.
- Okay, John.
- We get it.
- And I'm tired of a cappella people being made fun of.
Yeah, me too! We are dorks, but we're very likable dorks.
Yes, dorks are people too.
Oh my god, yes, a cappella director, yes! - Ohh.
- Hey, hey, take it easy up there! So, Nicole how you feeling about your chances right now after he owned the lonely hearts in the building? Oh, was there another performance? I just missed it.
Ohh.
I'm so sorry! Ooh.
- Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, that's cold, that's cold.
Go on over to the VIP, Mike! Head on over to the VIP.
- All right! This battle was already epic.
Nicole and Michael are in it to win it.
Round two is up next, and the funny don't stop.
We're just gettin' started! It's Lip Sync Battle.
LSB returns, and we've got Nicole Richie and John Michael Higgins going for each other's necks.
And now the stakes get higher with round two, where they amp it up and vie for the coveted championship belt.
Let's see how Nicole Richie got ready to move the crowd.
I don't know if you know this, but I do rap in my real life.
So, this is something that comes really naturally to me, and I am an incredible dancer.
I actually want to be Britney Spears' background dancer.
She hasn't called me.
It's so weird.
She didn't answer the door when I showed up at her house.
What's not to love? I'm talented, I'm dope, and I grow organic fruits and vegetables.
That's crazy.
You know, when I first met you, you were eight years old? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- That's crazy.
From the time he wrote Mama Said Knock You Out, I was like, "Oh.
He wants me to be next to him.
" So, I feel like his dreams are coming true, and I'm really happy that I can give that to him.
Uh, I'm sorry, who? - John Michael? - Michael Higgins.
Is his name John or Mike? I don't And here comes Nicole! Well, well, well.
Look who it is.
What's the matter, Nicole? Is it too sunny in here for ya? You gotta wear your sunglasses to see what a big man Oh, I'm sorry, I lost ya! Oh, there you are! I brought you these because you need an extra pump of coolness.
- You really think so? - I really do.
What if I wore 'em on my crotch? You know what? They don't really stay.
So weird.
- Ooh - Yeah Feel it, baby - Ooh - What? I can too Come on, swing it - Come on, swing it - Ooh Now we come to the pay off It's such a good vibration It's such a sweet sensation Yo, it's about that time To bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme I'm-a get mine, so get yours I wanna see sweat comin' out your pores On the house tip is how I'm swingin' this Strictly hip hop, boy, I ain't singing this Bringing this to the entire nation Black, white, red, brown, feel the vibration Come on, come on Feel it, feel it Feel the vibration It's such a good vibration It's such a sweet sensation Donnie D, break it down - Ooh - Donnie D's on the back up Drug free, so put the crack up No need for speed, I'm anti d-r-u-g-g-i-e My body is healthy My rhymes make me wealthy And the Funky Bunch helps me To bring you a show with no intoxication Come on, feel the vibration Yeah Can you feel it, baby? It's such a good vibration It's such a sweet sensation It's such a good vibration It's such a sweet sensation Yo! Nicole! Wow.
Wow! That break-dancing was off the chain! Why are your nipples so high? Yup.
I like my nipples high because I said so! So, what's your connection to the song, you know? Well, I've always identified with a narcissistic white rapper, and so I just felt like this is what I'm meant to do.
I love it.
I love it! - Thank you.
- Have a seat in the VIP.
- All right.
- Lookin' amazing.
Okay, so, Nicole brought the heat.
Michael gets his shot to change the game.
Who's gonna win it? Stay tuned.
LSB returns and Nicole Richie kept it all the way real.
Now the hilarious John Michael Higgins has a trick up his sleeve to snatch a victory.
Let's check him out backstage and find out how he put it all together.
I have come here for one purpose: to snatch this belt.
Uh, I came with my peeps today.
My entourage.
Some of it's hair.
It's a little Welcome Back, Kotter, isn't it? Some of it's makeup.
Hey, I've got my makeup on! - Sorry.
- Don't touch me! And I have my crotch team.
Crotch team just does that.
Um, there's a lot to do.
It's a big job.
We have plenty of time for this big two-shot of the crotch, right? We can lose control.
That has happened several times.
I've had the crotch take a walk, as it were.
- Turn the cameras off, 'cause we love each other! - Yes! Nicole Richie has an advantage on me.
It's called "She paid the judges.
" You know, what is this thing they do now? Because I do look like Lionel Richie, 1978.
I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try to frighten Nicole.
I think it's gonna work.
I'll just go out there, and I'll say, "Nicole, clean up your room!" I play a clean game.
I do not take steroids before I lip sync.
She's over there, she's got a Like, she's got this hypodermic needle.
It looks like a fire hydrant, and she's just, like, pumping these these, uh, you know, uh, performance enhancers into her ass.
Just day after day like this.
Hold on, before the next question It's a live show.
I gotta get my voice ready.
It's not unusual to be loved by anyone It's not unusual to have fun with anyone But when I see you hanging about with anyone It's not unusual It happens every day No matter what you say You'll find it happens all the time Love will never do What you want to Why can't this crazy love Be mine? It's not unusual to be mad with anyone It's not unusual to be sad with anyone But if I ever find That you changed at any time It's not unusual To find out I'm in love with you Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa, ohhh Whoa, whoa, oh, oh, oh, whoa, whoa Oh my goodness.
Oh, wow.
Yo, you got No, I ain't got no problem with it, man, just back up.
I know you're uncomfortable, but I am not.
May I? Oh my god, what is it? Yo! You rubbed it with the wand? Chrissy! That move is so amazing, and you nailed it! I did steal a move from Tom Jones.
That was incidentally Tom Jones.
I don't know if you knew that, but he did he did it.
That's the real move.
It goes like this.
Yo, that Have a seat over in the VIP.
Our contenders did their thing, and the audience picks a champ next on Lip Sync Battle.
It's not unusual to have fun with anyone Welcome back to Lip Sync Battle! It was an unforgettable night with two worthy competitors.
- Three! - You know what I'm saying? Only one of them can be the Lip Sync Battle champion.
You know that, so Chrissy, let's do it.
Ready.
Oh! Oh! Is the champ John Michael Higgins? Is the Lip Sync Battle champion Nicole Richie? And the Lip Sync Battle champion is Nicole Richie! Nicole, you're the you're the Lip Sync Battle champion.
Is it everything you imagined or is it better? It's everything I imagined and more.
I'm very conceited.
I think I'm better than everybody.
Well, big thanks to Nicole and Michael for rocking with the Lip Sync crew tonight.
One love from me, LL Cool J, and Chrissy Teigen.
And remember, whatever you do in life, knock 'em out the box, L.
Knock 'em out, L! Ooh It's such a good vibration It's such a sweet sensation It's such a good vibration It's such a sweet sensation Yo, it's about that time To bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme