Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s03e15 Episode Script

- Open your mouth and say "ahh".
- Ahhhhhhh! Rayyan, I need to see you.
JJ, you can't just barge in here like this, - I'm with a patient.
- I know, but Huh, doctors really do that? Get people to say "ahh".
Sometimes I even give them two Aspirins and tell them to call me in the morning.
- Can I close my mouth now? - Sorry.
- This better be good.
- It's a gift from my parents.
- That's not good enough.
- It's for our wedding.
- Still not good enough.
- It's an island.
- What? - My parents bought us an island! - Ah - Hey, now we can check her tonsils! Season 3 Episode 15 Colour Me Excited Guess what? You learned how to splice genes to create a new breed of super-crop.
No.
Why would you go there? People say "guess what," I like to take a risk.
Well, it's better than that.
Not better, but it's really, really, really good.
I'm finished finally renovating Rayyan's house.
Yasir, that's wonderful! Levelled the flooring, I've updated the plumbing and I've brought the wiring up to code better than code! When they rewrite the code on wiring, this code will be the standard for that code.
I can't wait to see Rayyan and JJ in their new home.
Of course, I'll be sad to see her leave here.
But it'll be nice to see them in the new one.
- All done? - Yes.
- So, now phase two begins.
- Ah, yes, phase two.
- What is that? - Interior decoration.
I want to surprise Rayyan and JJ with something really beautiful, so we need to buy paint.
- I've already done that.
- You bought paint without me? I bought drywall without you, you didn't care about that.
You bought drywall without me? No, you're right.
I don't care about that.
What colour paint did you buy? It is let me see let me picture it - White.
- What kind of white? Off-white? Cream white? Blue white? Ceiling white? I'm pretty sure on the can it just says "white".
- Do they even make a paint called "white"? - Apparently so.
Does this not fit in with your design scheme? Uh wait, let me picture it No! Great news! I found a sponsor to donate a prize at my "Test Your Islam IQ Night" on Saturday.
Inshallah.
- What is the prize? A boat? - Well, no.
- A holiday vacation? - No.
- A car? - Close.
Car mats.
- How is that close? - You can't have a car without car mats.
Yes you can.
You just have a dirty car.
Okay, if you don't want to come that's fine.
Those car mats are already mine! My knowledge of Islam is unsurpassed! Glad I turned you around.
It's going to be an excellent beginning to the quiz.
No, it destroys before it begins.
This contest is already over! - You already lost.
- What did I lose? Just a little contest I'm holding at the mosque.
It's not some kind of quiz night is it? - It is actually.
- Good idea! I can't believe your parents bought us an island.
I thought we were gonna stay in Mercy.
I thought so too but that was B.
I.
- Huh? - "Before island".
I just don't think that I can move across the world.
My parents just bought us that house.
I know, I understand.
It's a big move.
It's a big move to a lush, luxurious island.
With a waterfall.
Okay but let's not tell my parents until we talk about this a little more.
They got a lot to deal with the wedding and everything.
All right.
You really think you can keep a secret this big from your parents? Yeah.
I'm pretty good at keeping secrets.
What about this, lavender mist? Yeah, it's very nice.
Very lavender.
It's really very lavender.
- You don't like it? - No I love it.
Your sense of colour is as perfect as everything about you.
- But if you don't like it just say so.
- I have no problem expressing my opinion.
If I don't like something I'll say so.
Usually at the most inopportune time.
- Won't Rayyan and JJ be surprised? - Whoo! To say the least.
- Hello darling.
Hello dear.
- Mom, dad, just out for a walk.
- We're just sitting here.
- Sitting in the evening.
- It's nice to sit.
- Oh! Yeah! Yes, almost as nice as it is to walk which is what I was doing.
Well, I'm just going to go upstairs with this envelope that I got earlier.
- Excellent.
- Enjoy your envelope dear.
- Thank you.
Enjoy your sitting.
- Yes, we like to sit.
- Relaxes the legs.
- It sure does.
Oh yeah! Rayyan keeps a secret again.
- Clear.
- What about "herbivore"? The herbivores eat plants, - so it's green, right? - Is there anything else? Lucky thunder.
No no, electric sandcastle Why is it that all of these colours sound like John Travolta movies? - Nice turnout.
- Well, you know.
People having fun, learning at the same time.
And car mats really drags 'em out of the woodwork.
Too bad, I am one person short of a full house.
And a full house you shall have.
I'm ready to test my Islam IQ.
Are you sure? Because these questions are brutal.
My pleasure, maybe I'll learn something.
Thanks Duncan, this is great.
People of different faiths, together having fun I'm not doing it for you.
I'm doing it for the floor of my car.
Ah! Right! - Salaam alaikum everyone.
- Walaikum assalaam.
Welcome to the first-ever "Test Your Islam IQ Night".
Now remember, the purpose of tonight's contest is to have fun, - but most important of all - Car mats! No.
Learning.
But before we begin, I'd like us to test our response devices.
What is it with these squeaky toys, anyway? You work with what you've got, Baber.
Trade parrot for crocodile? Tonight's focus is the prophets, peace be upon them.
- So let's get started - Uh, may I say something? I just want to apologize in advance for crushing you all.
You have my condolences.
Please continue.
- Thank you, Baber.
- Do not see it as your failure, it is my triumph at the expense of your failure.
Go on.
Okay, first question, hands on squeakers.
What was the name of the prophet to whom the Zaboor was revealed by god? - Baber? - Dawood.
Peace be upon him.
The answer was correct.
Second question: In a dream I saw eleven stars and the sun all bowing down to me Who am I? The prophet Joseph or Yusuf, as you would probably say.
Peace be upon him.
Fast enough for ya? That's right, actually.
Sorry, not really fair.
That one's in the bible too.
- Beginner's luck.
- Moving on Who gave birth despite her advanced years? Reverend? Sarah was promised a child even though she was too old.
However, it could also be Zechariah's wife.
- Right again.
- Do I get bonus points for that? In Surah Yusuf, verse four, what do seven lean cows repre? The seven lean cows represent the seven years of famine.
The fat ones, the years of plenty.
Boy, a lot of these Quranic stories are very similar to the ones in the bible.
- No kidding.
- That is correct.
Who turned back to witness the punishment sent to the city of Sodom? - Reverend? - Lot's wife.
Next question, which mountain range in present-day Turkey - You're up again.
- Mount Ararat.
You're on a roll.
Well, I'm glad that we did this.
You were right, the "herbivore" was too green.
But the "ocean sediment", not just blue-ish but ocean-ish.
- Do you think the kids will like it? - How could they not? Why do I feel so terrible about this decision? Are we terrible? I don't think we're terrible.
- You know, it is an island.
- You're right.
I mean, my dad's done a little renovating on the house but but he'll understand and he can always flip it, right? Absolutely, it's an investment.
In the end he'll make money.
Right.
And it's not like any of us has any emotional attachment to this place.
- Surprise! - Mom.
Dad.
I can't even believe this is the same house.
- You even painted? - Just a personal touch.
You know, to make it feel more like home.
- I don't know what to say.
- It was nothing, really.
Well, actually it was a fair amount of work but but you, JJ.
You are worth it.
So worth it - Yay.
- You're worth it.
That concludes tonight's contest.
What a fun evening and what a gracious winner.
I was always good at old testament stories in seminary.
They called me O.
T.
Magee For about a week.
Every time I get a good nickname, it never lasts.
- Baber? You coming? - I need a moment.
I should have stayed with the crocodile.
- So should we tell them? - Tell us what? Just that we love you both so much! So what do you think of the house? It's great Yasir.
This is - This is just - Excuse me.
She's just it's all so Excuse me.
She's under stress.
She's just overwhelmed by everything.
That's it.
That has to be it.
What else could it be? - She doesn't like the house.
- She doesn't like the house.
- We have to repaint.
- It's my fault.
If I'd let you choose the colour you wanted, none of this would have happened.
No, no, we both agreed that "ocean sediment" was the way to go.
But they hated it! We should have gone with something else.
Arizona topaz, herbivore green, urban cowboy.
No-no, that one really is a John Travolta movie.
- We have to get it right this time.
- Which is why we're doing it your way - because I'm wrong.
Dead wrong.
- Don't be stubborn.
You are not.
I know when I'm wrong.
I'm wrong a lot and I walk around knowing it.
- Let's not fight.
- You're right.
If we want to win Rayyan over with this house, we have to work together as a unit.
- So we do it your way.
- Not a chance.
Let's do something new.
Um, edge.
Double-helix.
Seriously, are we onto Keanu Reeves movies now? I'm sorry about yesterday.
It was really silly of me to fall apart like that.
Don't be sorry.
I thought you fell apart quite well.
Well I don't fall apart often but when I do I like to go big.
Listen, I've been doing some thinking, and me and my family,we've been moving around our whole lives but you guys, Mercy is your home.
We should stay here.
- You think so? - I do.
And besides, I've been doing some snooping and from a wiring perspective, we could not be in better shape.
- Oh, thanks JJ.
- No.
I should be thanking you, for welcoming me into your family and for giving me your toast.
- My toast? - Yoink.
Ah, too easy.
- So have you told your parents yet? - About what? About how we're not taking the island.
I never thought about that.
Yoink.
Oh, you're right, that was too easy.
I demand a second chance.
Last night was just bad luck.
I thought Muslims didn't believe in luck.
As a matter of fact, we don't.
I knew that! That doesn't count for points.
We were just playing for fun, remember Baber? But I am a know-it-all.
That's who I am.
Thus, to be a know-it-all, I must know it all, all of it.
There is no expression, "know it some".
Makes sense.
I think.
- I demand another chance! - Well all right.
But the questions are going to be tough.
Don't think I'm going to throw you any softballs.
- I am not afraid.
- And I promise to sit this one out.
- Quit while I'm ahead.
- Good, as it should be.
I will be back on top.
- You must compete.
- Why? Why? What kind of test is a test if I am not tested against the previous champion? That's not a test at all.
Yeah but me winning was just a fluke, dumb luck.
I totally agree.
You are completely hapless.
- Easy Baber.
- Your accidental win made a complete mockery of the contest.
- Seriously, Baber.
- A sham of a mockery.
A fraud of a sham of a mockery.
Okay! You want a contest? You got a contest! - I'm in.
- Excellent.
- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
I will crush you! I thank you.
You! You are going down! Thanks you very much.
Goodbye.
Is it me or just Baber get weirder every year? Thank you.
- Did you get through to your parents? - Yep.
I Sure did.
- Had a good chat.
- Good.
Got that over with.
Yeah, it's a load off, let me tell you.
- So, how did they take it? - Huh? The news about the island about us staying here.
I never really told them about that.
So when you said you "got it done" you meant what exactly? A routine conversation with your parents? Yep, strike it off the list! JJ, you promised that you would tell them.
- This is important.
- I know, I know.
I was on the phone and suddenly the words wouldn't come.
- Write something on your hand next time.
- It got smudgy.
That's the first time I've painted a house twice in a week but it was worth it.
Let's not tell them we've repainted until we're finished.
They've got enough on their minds with the wedding.
You sure you're going to be able to keep this secret from Rayyan a second time? Oh yeah.
I can be very sneaky.
- Oh! Rayyan! - Hi you guys.
You're probably wondering why we're covered in paint like this.
- No not really.
- It's a funny story.
You don't have to tell us.
Uh, you see.
We were taking part in a charity paint-a-thon.
- We won! - Great.
Yeah! Won! You see, it's a contest and a paint-a-thon.
That's a combination paint-a-thon and paint-off.
Kind of uh, sort of a paint-off-a-thon.
That's nice, guys.
- You'll talk to your parents soon, right? - I should be.
- Yep, Sarah keeps a secret again.
- Well played.
Islam IQ Quiz II - This time it's personal.
- It was personal last time! - I was extremely hurt.
You know.
- Guys, save it for the game.
Say goodbye to your throne, Mr Pretender to the throne.
Actually it's Reverend Pretender.
Ooh, that's hard to say.
- All right, Mr Pretender is fine.
- Okay.
Time to play.
No.
Shouldn't we wait for the other contestants? No one else wanted to play with you guys.
I can't imagine why.
The Prophet Zakariah, peace be upon him.
What did the Prophet Musa, change his stick into? - A snake.
- That's correct.
How many months in the Islamic calendar? What religious school of thought is followed by most Muslims in India and Pakistan? Most Muslims from the Indo-Pak sub-continent - practice the Hanafi school of thought.
- That is my sub-continent! His hands move so fast I can't keep up.
- I'm a quick study.
What can I say.
- Say nothing.
Give somebody else a chance.
I happen to have a deep spiritual connection to religious issues and maybe that's why I can answer these questions.
Not fair.
He is using a deep spiritual connection.
- I call foul! - Relax guys.
- This is supposed to be fun.
- Fun for you.
You two are colluding.
We are not! I resent that! And I resent your fast hands, Mr Fast Hands.
Reverend Fast Hands.
- Colluder! - Whiner! As long as we're having a good time.
And make a fist.
- Rayyan, I've got news! - Well, look who's back.
To be fair, you didn't have to come back either.
You're perfectly fine.
Well, I wanted to hear what happened with the island.
- Excuse us.
- It's good news.
- Did you get another island? - We're turning the island down.
- Can I have it? - No.
- I told my parents.
- You did? - I came clean, I laid the whole thing out.
- Thank you, that means so much to me.
So how did they take it? I don't know, I guess we'll find out when they get the email.
- Email? You told them by email.
- Yep.
Done and done.
JJ, you can't tell them by email.
Who sends bad news via email.
Someone who's saving on long distance? Hey, I can't feel my arm.
Is that bad? Wow, you are right again, Duncan.
You wanted a contest, I'm giving you a contest! - You are cheating.
- I resent that.
Just because I'm wiping the floor with you We will soon find out who is the floor and who is the person who mops it.
- No, no, I'm saying that you'd be the mop.
- Then who is the floor? - The floor is just the floor! - So who is mopping whom? Alright! Enough! I'm calling the second Islamic IQ quiz to a close.
- Why? Why? - Because you're arguing.
It's against the spirit of Islam and Christianity and pretty much all the other ones, too.
- The quiz is cancelled? - Then who gets the prize? - I do.
- What is the prize anyway? Mud flaps.
Big Al's Auto came through again.
Hey, you don't even have a car.
Do you think I could As Yosemite Sam says on my new mudflaps: Back off.
You too.
- This is all your fault.
- Your fault.
- Colluder.
- Whiner.
- Surprise! - Wow.
On sober second thoughts we decided to improve the colour scheme.
It's called "lovesick mustard" but it's really more of an emotional yellow.
It's so different.
We realized that you were a little less than pleased before.
When Rayyan was crying and ran out of the room.
Parents pick up on that kind of thing.
Oh wow, guys it's really very mustard.
- Yeah.
- Really mustard.
- Yeah.
Mustard.
- Very much so.
Hah! - I like white.
- White is good.
I didn't know they made a colour that was just called "white".
Oh yeah, they keep it behind the counter.
You have to ask for it.
- Thanks very much guys.
- All of us working together.
It's just such a nice way to send you off into your new home.
The wedding's not for weeks.
We can always paint the house a couple more times.
No thank you.
So I told my parents we weren't taking the island.
You told them by phone, right? Not by Morse code or something? Yes, I told them by phone.
By the way, how did your parents react when you told them that we'd been thinking about taking it? Oh, well they've been really busy with the house and everything.
I figured since we're going to stay, there's no point in telling them Okay Perhaps I was a little hypocritical about the whole "talk to your parents" thing.
That's okay.
The important thing is that you admit it.
And that I get to feel slightly superior for a couple of seconds.
No, the important thing is that I'm taking your water.
Yoink! - Salaam alaikum.
- Walaikum assalaam.
Hey hey.
I'm glad to see you guys being friendly.
- Oh, just a little game of Trivial Pursuit.
- Where I have crushed you! Give me my final pie.
Well, you won.
I wouldn't say you crushed me.
My pie! My pie! Give me my final pie! - Wait.
You didn't let me win, did you? - No.
Good.
Ha ha, I have defeated you.
Thank you for playing.
You have been crushed! Thanks again, goodbye.
Thanks for letting him win.
It helps his self-esteem.
I have destroyed and washed the floor with Magee's mop! Once again I have shown that I am a know-it-all on whatever because, simply, as you all saw, I do know-it-all! No one else but me knows it all like me! It was over from the beginning.
No one's as good as me, especially Magee! Yes indeed.
I knew it from the - So do I get the mud flaps now? - They're on your desk.
Keep em, I want a rematch.
Subtitle by: kiasuseven