Lucifer (2016) s03e15 Episode Script
High School Poppycock
1 Previously, on Lucifer Someone is forcing those wings on me.
I'm sure it's all a part of God's plan.
If you mean His plan to continually manipulate and control me, then agreed.
I really appreciate how you handled the whole "me not wanting you and Amenadiel to bone" thing.
I do really like you.
You can't die, I know.
But I promise you, I will find a way to end your infinite misery if it's the last thing I do.
Thank you for your help, mate.
No worries.
This actually gives me time to brainstorm a little problem of my own.
Aah! LUCIFER: I don't understand.
How does this not work? You still have no idea how to kill me.
Lucifer, I'm here.
Are you ready? Lucifer? [LAUGHS.]
: Why is it so dark in here? Wha? Lucifer? Lucifer? [SIGHS.]
LUCIFER: Detective.
[GASPS.]
There's been a change of plan.
I'm not going.
What? But we have a case.
Something's happened.
Please leave.
Wait, what's happened? Are you okay? LUCIFER: I can't I can't make them go away.
Wha? Lucifer, - what's on your back? - Detective, I said leave! [GASPING.]
What's going on? I can't I can't control them.
[SCREAMS.]
No! Detective! [GASPING.]
Detective! Detective, grab my hand! Detective! [CHLOE SCREAMS.]
No! No No! And then I woke up.
And it's not the sort of dream I'm used to.
A lot less nudity.
So what do you think it means? Well, I think it's pretty obvious what it means, Lucifer.
That I need sturdier guardrails? Or, maybe there's some symbolism in there.
- You mean my wings, don't you? - Yes.
Well, clearly, you have issues.
Well, you would, too, if your father slapped a pair on your back.
Took away your Devil face, took away who you are.
I mean, who knows what else He'll take from me.
Lux? My job with the LAPD? Or Chloe.
Well, she may be part of it, but this isn't about her.
This is about me.
So can we please just focus on what truly matters here? - Which is? - Showing my Father that He can't control me.
And He's not as powerful as he thinks.
And how are you going to do that? By defying Him.
I'm gonna remove Pierce's immortal curse so he can finally die.
There's just one problem, though.
Just one? [SIGHS.]
Everything that I've come up with, Pierce has already tried.
I'm completely out of ideas.
My well is dry, and that is why I'm here.
Yeah, well.
Not sure I know how to remove an immortal's curse.
[LAUGHS.]
: No.
I need you to remove my mental block.
Hypnotize me, or something.
I hear it works with smoking and insomnia, so [GRUNTS.]
Unfortunately, that's not how it works, Lucifer.
There's no easy fix for a lack of ideas.
No? No.
You just have to be patient.
You never know when or where inspiration will strike.
Well, thank you, Doctor.
For being completely unhelpful today.
[SCOFFS.]
[SIGHS.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
Ah.
Hi, Amenadiel.
Ooh, ooh Ooh.
Hey, Ella? Um [CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh, listen, about tonight? - I'm gonna have to - No! No.
You better not be cancelling on me again.
I know, I'm so sorry.
It's just, I have so much work to do.
Can't you play hooky? Not if I want to be a responsible adult.
Right.
But What if you weren't a responsible adult? [LAUGHING.]
: Just this once.
Come on! Chloe, I mean, don't you ever miss just having stupid fun like when you were a kid? I was a pretty grown-up kid, actually.
Well, never too late to start.
I know.
I'm sorry, babe, I can't.
Can we do a neon party rain check? Decker, one of these days, you're gonna realize what you've been missing.
[QUIETLY.]
: It looked so cute on you.
[SCOFFS.]
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER.]
This is the longest you've ever gone without talking.
Ever.
Is something on your mind? Nothing.
That's the problem.
[SIGHS.]
Uh, how so? [SIGHS.]
Well, I I have this puzzle that I need to solve, but I've hit a mental block.
- Okay.
- Have you ever just ran out of ideas when working a particularly difficult case? I mean, before I came along, of course.
[SCOFFS.]
Right.
Um not really.
I-I mean, I've hit dead ends from lack of evidence, but no, because there's always a new angle to consider.
Braggart.
[SIGHS.]
DAN: Our victim's name was Kathleen Pike, 33.
She's the author of a best-selling futuristic Y.
A.
series called Class of 3001.
She was found with her head bashed in by her own vintage typewriter.
The irony's a little on the nose.
Or on the head, should I say? CHLOE: What's that white stuff? ELLA: I know what you guys are thinking.
She's a synthetic.
Aliens.
The android who bled white.
[GURGLES.]
No one? Really? Oh, never mind.
That's melted ice cream, anyway.
It looks like our victim was about to dig in last night when someone showed up and rewrote her dessert menu with that typewriter.
Real wound's over here though.
- Huh.
Who found the body? - [CAMERA CLICKS.]
Kathleen's editor.
Vincent Green.
He's out by the pool.
Thank you.
Uh, Daniel.
- Your head is mostly empty.
- Huh? Exactly.
And yet, you manage to do this improv thing.
How do you come up with stuff on the spot like that? Well, the first rule of improv is "yes, and" Yes and what? That's the name of the technique.
Right.
I've heard you talk about it before, but I don't actually understand what it means.
Well, you agree with whatever's being said yes.
And then you say the first thing that comes to your mind and.
That makes no sense.
[SIGHS.]
But I'm desperate, so I'll try anything.
Yes, and.
VINCENT: I got the call from Kathleen late last night.
She finally finished the new book.
We made plans for me to come over this morning, pick up the manuscript.
Do you usually pick up manuscripts in person? With Kathleen, yes.
There's only ever one hard copy since she does all her writing on that typewriter.
Yes, and well, her dying on that typewriter as well, it seems.
CHLOE: Do you know anyone who would have done this to her? Any known enemies? No, Kathleen was extremely well-liked.
She had millions of devoted fans.
Ugh, I know how fans can get obsessed with their idols.
Yes, and with their boobs.
Like after you did Hot Tub High School, Detective.
- Oh.
Uh-huh.
- You don't think this could be my fault, do you? - Why? - I was so excited that she was finished that I tweeted the news to her fans.
I really talked the book up, hinting at this huge action-packed robot rebellion ending she teased me with.
Well, as long as you didn't tweet her address as well.
No, of course not, but someone could find that.
Someone who wanted to read the book first? Yes, and someone who wanted to tell her that robot rebellions couldn't be more dull and derivative.
What is with all this "yes, and" stuff? Oh, just some improv thing I was hoping would knock me out of my idea dry spell.
But you're literally just saying what you would normally say, with the words "yes, and" in front of it.
Yes, and it's clearly not working.
- Uh-uh.
- Stupid Daniel.
Idea dry spell.
Just like Kathleen.
What do you mean? She had the worst case of writer's block I've ever seen.
Took her five years to figure out how to end the series.
Well, never mind that.
How did she cure her block? I don't know, she said I would understand after I read it.
Said she even explained how she broke through it in the book's afterword.
But you haven't read it.
No, like I said, there's only one copy and I haven't seen it.
Detective.
This afterword could explain how to overcome my own form of writer's block.
- What? - We need to find it.
The killer.
You mean we need to find the killer.
Exactly.
So they can hand over that book.
Uh-huh.
Never get to bed Mmm.
Linda, I have to say, these last few weeks have been absolutely incredible.
Wow.
You're really good at this sweet, sappy stuff, aren't you? [CHUCKLES.]
- [GIGGLES.]
I feel the same.
Good.
Well, maybe someday we can actually have this date in public? [BOTH LAUGH.]
[SIGHS.]
I do hate sneaking around, but Maze.
I know.
I know.
She can't find out.
I I want to tell her, I just don't know how.
I admit, I'm afraid.
Well, you should be.
Maze would not take this well.
I feel so guilty, I.
[SCOFFS.]
I've been avoiding her calls.
Are we being cowards? Yes.
But, Linda, it's - Maze.
- Maze.
I know.
Do you know how she's doing? I'm sure she's fine.
Busy hunting bounties and all.
But I can check on her if that'll make you feel better.
Really? Just to make sure she's okay.
Of course.
I would do anything for you.
Over my head What? Is that too sappy? No, I don't like my fate Or how I'm turning out Yeah How I'm turning out.
"Max was plagued with confusion.
"If Jessica truly loved him, then why'd she kiss Tristan? "And in the back seat of her flying car, no less.
" This has sold millions of copies.
Tongueless kissing and stealing liquor from their parents.
[CHUCKLES.]
I mean, where's the sex? The drugs? That robot rebellion cannot come soon enough.
Was your high school experience this pathetically PG? I didn't have much of a high school experience.
Oh! Played hooky a lot did you? Suddenly I like you more.
No, child actors don't have much time for regular school.
You're either auditioning or on set, - so it's mostly tutors.
- Ah.
Maybe I did miss out on a lot.
Anyhow, why are you reading those? I doubt that that's gonna lead us to Kathleen's killer.
Oh, well, Kathleen's afterword explained how she overcame her writer's block.
In order to understand, I may need context.
Oh, in case she uses examples? Exactly.
So, speaking of the killer, any leads? Yeah, actually.
Someone who goes by the name of "Ashley3001fan.
" Got into some pretty heated online arguments with Kathleen.
Apparently, she wasn't too happy the book was taking so long to be completed.
Poor Kathleen.
When will people understand writer's block is a very serious condition? Well, Kathleen agreed.
LUCIFER: "I don't have to answer to ignorant trolls like you.
There's a reason I'm the writer and you're a fan.
Maybe you should try contributing something to society.
" Ouch, nicely put, Kathleen.
Yeah.
After Kathleen publicly berated her, Ashley went completely offline.
You think Ashley was so humiliated by her hero that she wanted revenge? [SIGHS.]
It's possible.
Well, let's hope so 'cause I need to find that boo Killer, the b killer.
I know you mean book.
I did.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Hi, Amenadiel.
Hey, Trixie.
Uh, is Maze here? Sorry, no.
Oh.
Would you mind telling her that I stopped by, please? Sure.
Thanks.
Nice work, Trix.
Why don't you want to see him? Amenadiel's nice.
Nice? If he were nice, he wouldn't be sneaking around behind my back with my friend, and lying about it.
Why are they doing that? I don't know.
'Cause they suck.
Mommy says that sometimes, people are just scared to tell the truth.
Maybe they need a little help.
That's not a bad idea, kid.
Helping people tell the truth is kind of my thing.
Huh.
I cybertraced Ashley3001fan to here.
And the ice cream from the crime scene, also from here.
- Ashley could be one of these three.
- Yes.
They do seem like the insipid Y.
A.
type.
Though, scooping frozen treats for others day in, day out, seems even more boring.
CHLOE: Yeah, but they get to hang out with their friends.
There's no adult responsibility.
It looks like they're having fun.
You know, stupid fun.
Since when do you like "stupid fun"? Hi.
Detective Decker, LAPD.
I'd like to ask you all some - Freeze.
- LUCIFER: Ha.
"Freeze," good one.
[PANTING.]
Please.
Please don't call my mom.
I-It's just one joint.
Claire? What's going on? Claire? You're not Ashley? No, I'm Ashley.
Ashley's a man? Yeah, I'm a man.
And I'm the manager.
What's going on? Oh, what's going on, Ashley, is you need to give me that book.
Otherwise, I'll show you the true meaning of "you scream for ice cream.
" Okay? All right.
LUCIFER: I'm gonna ask you nicely, Ashley.
Where's the book? Dude, I'm telling you.
I don't have any book.
Then why was that found at Kathleen Pike's home? "3000 and Yum.
" Yeah, that's a flavor I created special for Kathleen.
I brought it to her house personally.
Do you always bring ice cream to your murder victims? Murder? Wait Kathleen's dead? Very.
Man, she was the greatest writer of our generation.
What? Her books were about high school drama.
What could a man of your age possibly find great about them? [CHUCKLES.]
: I mean, high school was the best time of my life.
Reading 3001 makes me feel like I'm 16 again.
Those books are deeper than you think.
We know about your online fight with Kathleen.
Things got very heated.
Must've hurt to have her insult you like that in front of everybody.
I never should've said those things.
So, I sent her some of my writing.
You know, like an olive branch.
Hold on, you're a writer? Yeah, man.
I've written, like, tons of Class of 3001 fan fiction.
Can't imagine that Kathleen was too pleased.
Kathleen liked my writing.
She even asked me to help her finish her last book.
She asked you to help? So Kathleen's solution to writer's block was to outsource? Yeah, but when Kathleen read my version, she decided she wanted to go in a different direction.
But she said it did help her f-finish her book on her own.
So [SCOFFS.]
boom.
It did? How? What exactly helped Kathleen overcome her block? She told me she realized she needed to be more authentic.
You know, get back to her original inspiration.
That is completely meaningless.
Well, well, what was the original inspiration? Oh? You guys don't know? So, the characters in Kathleen's books are based on real people.
DAN: And all of her stories were taken from her real life at Westside High, right here in L.
A.
LUCIFER: Max, Jessica, Isabel.
She didn't even change any of the first names.
Did she have any original ideas at all? Well, she changed the last names.
ELLA: And she did have to come up with all that futuristic sci-fi stuff.
I mean, trust me, that is not easy.
I'm actually writing my own book about a forensic scientist - who talks to ghosts.
- You are? Tell me, what do you do when you run out of ideas? Oh, I never run out of ideas.
I've got way too many.
My problem is how to choose.
Well, there's no need to rub it in.
- Thank you.
- So, this author exposed all these people's dirty laundry? Sounds like motive to me.
Uh, I think Charlotte uh, Ms.
Richards is right.
If, uh, someone saw the editor's tweet announcing another book, then maybe one of them killed her to make sure it didn't come out.
Ella.
The main characters from the Class of 3001 If the book's gonna reveal any secrets, it's theirs.
These are our suspects.
Right.
Prom king, sexpot, cheerleader, bad boy, valedictorian, jock.
One of these six degenerates has my book.
Let's bring them in.
No, all you have is speculation.
Not enough for arrest warrants.
I mean, even if we did bring them all in, we don't have any leverage.
Why would they admit to anything? CHLOE: Well, according to superfan Ashley, Kathleen was rushing to get her book done in time to announce it at her high school reunion, which is tomorrow night.
Well, if all our suspects are in town to attend, gave them opportunity.
Mm-hmm.
And it gives us an opportunity as well, to go undercover.
- Well, good.
What are we waiting for? - Well, it's a high school reunion.
Everybody knows everybody.
Unless you're Todd Cornwell.
Who's Todd Cornwell? Exactly.
Todd Cornwell.
Class loner, acne, Coke-bottle glasses, whole bit.
Went to college overseas, and when I stalked Kathleen's classmates online, Todd was the only one with zero social media presence.
Lucifer, you could go as Todd.
Yeah, no, no, seriously.
Look, he looks just like you.
LUCIFER: Has all that masturbation finally caught up with your eyesight, Daniel? No one'll believe that even if I tell them I've had a face and body transplant.
CHLOE: Yeah, but it might be our only shot.
I mean, I could go as your plus-one.
ELLA: Oh, poops.
Hold up.
Todd RSVP'd "yes.
" [SIGHS.]
Charlotte, is there any legal way to prevent him from attending? Well, it's definitely not legal to distract Todd with, say, a bounty hunter.
If anyone needs me, I'm gonna be in my office not hearing the plan.
Okay, great.
Are you gonna call Maze? Gladly, whilst you research our suspects.
Enjoy.
Maze.
I'm so glad you're here.
Yeah, well, you seem pretty busy.
I called a couple of times.
Never heard back.
Yeah, I know, work's been crazy.
Oh.
I was hoping that maybe you found a boyfriend.
- Boyfriend? - Yeah.
Why would I [LAUGHS.]
Definitely no boyfriend.
- Really? - Yup.
So single.
So so single.
Well, in that case, I should totally set you up.
I have just the guy.
Oh, that it so thoughtful of you, Maze, but you really don't have to do that.
Please, Linda, I want to.
What are best friends for? I know, it's just me and blind dates - How about tomorrow night? - Tomorrow night? Oh shoot.
I think I'm busy.
Let me do this.
Tomorrow it is.
[GASPS.]
No.
[SIGHS.]
- [EXCLAIMS.]
- BEATRICE: Mom? Baby, what are you doing up? Get back in bed.
Bed? It's morning.
I'm gonna miss the bus.
What? I've-I've, uh I've been up all night? Come on, come on.
Get the Get-get, go, get your Where's the? Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star? One without a permanent scar And did you miss me While you were looking for yourself out there? [GASPS.]
Oh.
Wow.
You know, high school reunion's a very popular torture in Hell.
CHLOE: This is beautiful.
I you know, you didn't even try to look like Todd.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- Well well, why would I do that? If I was Todd, I'd want to look like me.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh, look.
It's Emily and Bo, Tristan and Jessica, and there's Max talking to Isabel.
She is so not good enough for him, really.
[LAUGHS.]
What did you just say? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Max and Isabel, two of our suspects.
Oh, oh! The prom king and the sexpot.
Oh, Lucifer, don't judge.
They're so much more to these people than their stereotypes suggest.
[LAUGHS.]
: Right.
It's just, ugh.
Are you being serious? Yeah.
Yeah, the books are much deeper than you'd imagine.
The characters, they're so compelling and relatable and rich, and I-I mean [STAMMERS.]
They're all here.
And one of them is most likely a killer.
Right.
- Right.
- Right.
Okay, I'm gonna go sign us in so that we can finally meet the, um so we can question the suspects.
[GIGGLES.]
What is happening? Okay, so we each have three people to question.
Let's figure out who was worried about Kathleen's book coming out.
Yes, and where everyone was the night of the murder.
Oh, yeah.
Are you even listening to me? - Mm-hmm.
- Do you know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but focus, Detective.
I need that afterword.
- Right, sorry.
- Right.
- Oh, my God.
- What? It's Jessica.
Can you believe that sophomore year, she hooked up with Tristan on the laserball field? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Don't worry, Jessica's on my list.
Okay, so, I'm the first one here.
I'll just go have a drink at the bar.
- HOSTESS: Sure thing.
- Linda.
Amenadiel, what are you doing here? Well, Maze invited me.
I thought she wanted to talk after I stopped by yesterday.
Maze is setting me up on a blind date.
What if you are my blind date? Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Unless she knows about us and is trying to make us squirm.
And torture is her thing.
MAZE: Linda, this is Todd.
Your date.
Hello.
This is a blue lobelia.
Native Americans used them to treat constipation.
Thank you.
[SIGHS.]
[GRUNTS.]
But what are you two doing here? Double date.
Isn't this great? Hmm.
Yeah, uh, no Hi.
That's great.
["LET ME BLOW YA MIND" BY EVE PLAYING.]
[BOTH TALKING QUIETLY.]
Excuse us.
Isabel.
Todd? Odd-bod Todd? Are I'm sorry.
You just look so different.
I'll take that as a compliment.
Wow, I Do you have a British accent? Well, I've had many accents over the years, but this one is clearly the best.
[LAUGHS.]
You're so funny and so hot.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I know.
- Mmm.
Uh, but I need to ask you a few questions.
Sure.
Let's catch up.
Can you believe Kathleen's coming out with another book? Oh, I believe it.
That bitch loved profiting off of us.
Ugh, she sucks.
But honestly, we're all, uh, just trying to move on.
Man, those books ruined our lives.
I had to move to Maine.
Do you know what was in her last book? What sparked her final idea? The books are about you, correct? And I ain't goin' nowhere - Oh, for - CHLOE: So, do you know what happens in the new book? Are there any big secrets that come out or [GASPS.]
Does Isabel actually get pregnant? Uh, who are you again? What were you doing two nights ago? I was at home? Doing a facial.
I was with Tristan.
I think.
I mean, by the time I flew in, it was really late.
You're hiding something.
And I think I know what.
It's because you were with Bo, and you didn't want Isabel to find out.
But, like, who cares what Isabel thinks? Especially after what she did to you in chemistry class? I mean, do you realize you're still lucky to have your hand? ISABEL: It doesn't matter where I was two nights ago.
What matters is that tonight, we're together.
[SIGHS.]
So where were you two nights ago? That's hard to find Let's go talk somewhere a little quieter.
Right.
Yeah, talk.
Uh-huh.
[LAUGHING.]
You two have so much in common.
Yeah.
Linda, you're a therapist.
And, Todd, you're in therapy.
Discuss.
Oh.
- You don't have to - I wet the bed.
It's more common than people think.
You're lovely.
I'm so glad she convinced me to skip my reunion for this.
Most serial killers wet the bed.
[HISSES.]
I smell a love connection, don't you? Let's crank this date up a notch.
Waiter.
[QUIETLY.]
: Linda.
This is getting out of control.
We just have to get through tonight.
We can do it.
[MAZE SIGHS.]
So, Todd.
Any hobbies? I make my own toothpaste.
Where were you two nights ago? Uh Come on, Tristan.
I can't remember.
Well, try.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I told you, man, I don't, I don't remember where I was.
Oh! Tell me the truth now.
Okay.
A couple nights ago, we all broke into the school pool.
You know, just a little party before the party, you know? Well, why is that a secret? Because we didn't invite everyone.
Well, you, for instance.
What? I'm sorry, man.
If we knew how cool you had gotten, we totally would've invited you.
So what you're saying is you all have the same alibi? [GROANS.]
Wasting our time here.
[PANTS.]
Where's the detective? MAX: I dig you, Chloe.
You you're different.
Too bad you didn't go to high school with us.
Yeah.
That would have been great.
Yeah.
So, you were gonna tell me where you were two nights ago? [CHUCKLES.]
Is that really what you want to talk about, hmm? Well, I mean, I would really like to know.
JESSICA: Max! What are you doing? Who is that? - Uh - We were talking.
And what do you care? You cheated on Max with Tristan.
That was 15 years ago.
- MAX: Actually, I am still kind of pissed - Right.
- about that.
- I'm sorry I cheated on you, but I only did it because I thought you slept with Emily.
I would never cheat on you, Jessica.
I know that now.
I read 3001.
It showed me how much you really loved me.
JESSICA: You know, sometimes I think about getting back together.
CHLOE: Mmm.
Me, too.
Oh.
EMILY: What's going on here? Max, I thought it was gonna be just us.
I'm not really down for a four-way.
LUCIFER: Make that five.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm not down, either.
- Oh.
So you were sleeping with Emily - Oh.
Weren't you? And then you bring this rando in here, too? - I'm not a "rando.
" - I-I just met - this rando.
- JESSICA: We are never - Hey.
- getting back together.
- You didn't tell her about us? - MAX: Jessica, I - Us? - Yes, us.
- That's what you said.
- MAX: I never said - Oh, really, Max? - Anything like that to you.
Detective! None of these people killed Kathleen.
- What? - "Killed"? - EMILY: What? - "Detective"? LUCIFER: I have discovered that they all have the same alibi.
They broke onto the campus two nights ago and had a party by the pool.
Didn't you? Hmm? So, Kathleen's killer, not here.
Look at me, being the responsible one.
So that's why you were all acting so strangely.
MAX: Yeah.
Sorry we didn't invite you, Todd, but, uh you're not mad, right? You were hanging out with Kathleen anyway.
CHLOE: What? Todd was hanging out with Kathleen two nights ago? Yeah, it's what he said in the e-mail.
I did? I What? He was an awesome math tutor, and now he helps me with my taxes.
LUCIFER: Detective.
I think I'm the killer.
[SIREN WAILING.]
Apparently, Maze took Todd to a steakhouse in Hollywood.
It is an odd place for a kidnapping, even for Maze.
And what motive would Todd have to kill Kathleen? - He's not even in the books.
- Well, exactly.
Odd-bod Todd's probably tired of being left out.
Oh, right, should have thought of that.
Yes, you should have, but someone was making the case all about themselves.
Slightly unprofessional, but I forgive you, Detective.
I know.
I can't believe I let myself get so wrapped up in all of that.
Think I was just trying to make up for all the fun, teenage drama that I missed out on, you know? I didn't even get to go to my own prom.
It's ridiculous, I know.
No, it's not.
[ENGINE REVS.]
And that's the best way to clean out an abscessed tooth.
How delightful.
I am so glad we did this.
I have missed you guys.
[CHUCKLES.]
I mean [INHALES SHARPLY.]
[SIGHS.]
what's not to miss, right? Mmm.
- Mmm.
- Okay, stop.
Uh, that's inappropriate.
[QUIETLY.]
: We're in a restaurant, Maze.
Who cares? I care.
I mean, I'm just it ju it just makes me uncomfortable.
Oh, it does? Well, does this make you uncomfortable, too? AMENADIEL: [GROANS.]
Maze! Maze! Why are you acting like this? Because she knows.
You know, don't you? And you're torturing us.
That is so incredibly mean.
I'm the one who's mean? You're the ones who've been running around, lying to me about this fling for weeks.
LINDA: Of course we lied, Maze.
Look at you.
You have a tendency to overreact.
I do not - overreact.
- AMENADIEL: Maze.
- Can we just calm down here? - No! No.
I will not take orders from some pathetic daddy's boy.
Tell me, Amenadiel.
Is this the divine purpose your Father sent you here for? So you can bang some selfish human? Selfish? Selfish? All I do is listen to your problems! Everyone's problems! So, yeah, for once, I put myself first and did what makes me happy.
So, sue me.
Or torture me.
Or better yet, why don't you just skewer me with one of your knives? But before you do, know that this wasn't some fling, that what Amenadiel and I found was completely unexpected, but 100% real.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
But you were my friend.
Maze? LAPD, drop the weapons.
Yes, I indeed visited Kathleen two nights ago.
The night she was murdered.
Kathleen was murdered? Oh, my.
And y-you think I did it.
[SIGHS.]
Of course you do.
The weirdo.
The outcast.
[SIGHS.]
I'm used to people judging this book by its cover.
That's why I swore off social media.
I still don't even know how Kathleen tracked me down.
Kathleen tracked you down? She wanted to discuss the final installment of her series with me.
Well, why would she talk about that with you? You're not even in the books.
Yeah.
I was surprised, too.
Turns out, not only was she going to include me in the final book, she was making me the hero.
Wait, h-hold on, does that mean she let you read the book? Uh, no.
She didn't want me to read it yet.
Kathleen was waiting for the reunion.
She was excited about finishing it in time to show everyone there.
So you have no idea what's in the afterword? The afterword? No.
But she did tell me about the story itself.
How it had a peaceful, grounded ending.
No scandals, no insiders versus outcasts.
Just people finally understanding each other.
The way she described it, it [SIGHS.]
it sounded beautiful.
- And boring.
- And not at all like the action-packed robot ending that the editor told us about.
I smell a new theory brewing.
I got to go make a phone call.
Mr.
Green.
Hi, uh, Detective Decker, LAPD.
Detective, how can I help you? Um, I was just wondering, did Kathleen ever talk to you about working with a ghostwriter? A ghostwriter? No, wish she had.
Maybe she would have finished the book sooner.
Oh, I see.
So-so, she never mentioned a-a fan-fic writer named Ashley Collins? He's a-a manager at an ice cream shop.
I think the name's Scoop Science.
Actually, yeah, Kathleen did mention some sort of overeager fan who invented some special flavor for her.
Kind of creeped her out.
Wh-Why are you asking? Is this Ashley a suspect? Oh, well, I can't divulge any of that information at this time.
But you've been incredibly helpful, Mr.
Green.
Thank you.
You in the mood for some ice cream? Hello, Vincent.
Looking for Ashley? Sorry to disappoint.
- What are you doing here? - CHLOE: Drop the gun.
You're under arrest for the murder of Kathleen Pike.
You lied to us, Vincent.
I called Ashley.
He confirmed that the robot ending was his version and not Kathleen's.
- Th-That means nothing.
- But it is suspicious.
So I looked at traffic footage.
You went to Kathleen's house the night of the murder.
But, Detective, didn't he tell us he didn't go over there till the next morning? Fine.
Yes, I was at Kathleen's that night.
If you had waited five years for that damn book like I did, you wouldn't want to wait another second for it either.
But once you got it, you didn't like what you read, - did you? - I was horrified.
She ended the series in the most boring way possible.
And you were worried about the sales.
We'd lose millions without the right ending.
Ashley's.
So you and Kathleen argued over which one to use.
She refused to use the good version.
So, yeah, I threw her stupid typewriter at her.
But even with Kathleen gone, you knew that you couldn't publish Ashley's ending as hers.
So you came here to tie up the one loose end.
Now, tell me, Vincent Kathleen's manuscript, where is it? I don't have it.
I destroyed it.
You did what? I couldn't let anybody read that pathetic joke of an ending! But I needed to read the afterword so I could fix my problem, - and now you're saying it's gone?! - CHLOE: Lucifer, back off.
What did it say? - The afterword? - Yes! How did she fix her block? I don't know! She said inspiration came when she realized she couldn't go back and change what she'd done.
Well, that doesn't help me at all! Lucifer, stop! Now I'm never gonna figure out how to - [HANDCUFFS TIGHTEN.]
- Are you okay? No, Detective.
Far from it.
["BAD LOVE" BY RY X PLAYING.]
Remind me to never go on another blind date ever again.
Mm-mm.
Oh, I don't know, I thought you and Todd really made a connection.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Okay, so I've been thinking.
- Yeah.
- A lot.
Tie you up, not enough Pretty crazy what Maze did.
I'll say.
But she was right.
We never should have lied to her.
And I never should have lied to myself.
Yourself? What do you mean? As much as I tried to tell myself otherwise, I knew what we were doing was going to hurt her.
And I did it anyway.
That's how much I wanted to be with you, Amenadiel.
Look, you've made me happier than I've been in a long, long time.
But I was being selfish.
Maze is my friend.
I'll be your warmth here [SIGHS.]
I can't be with you anymore.
I'll be your back Not when it does this to her.
I put you in the corner You know, it's not fair for her to take this away from us.
I know.
I don't expect you to understand.
Please, baby But I don't want to be that kind of person.
It's just not who I am.
I'll be your warmth here Actually, I do understand.
Um I may have strayed from who I am as well.
I'm holding your bag for you [SIGHS DEEPLY.]
Please, baby, back for bad love So I guess this is it.
I guess so.
How can I wait? Holding your bag for you.
Lucifer! I'm here.
- You wanted to see me? - Yes, I wanted to check on you.
That you were back to being the good detective.
"The good detective"? Mm.
Well, I like our partnership much better when you do all the work and I'm the fun, irresponsible one.
Oh.
Yeah.
I did get a little carried away at that reunion.
Just a smidge.
[BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY.]
Y-You know, it made me realize something.
[SIGHS.]
All of that high school drama that I missed out on The-the girly gossip, the hallway crushes, all those school dances That's just not who I am.
I I like being the responsible adult.
Right.
So you no longer desire any of that high school poppycock? [SIGHS.]
No.
Well then [CLEARS THROAT.]
I guess you won't be wanting this.
Detective will you go to the prom with me? ["ONLY YOU" BY YAZOO PLAYING.]
I can't believe you did this.
Looking from a window above It's like a story of love Can you hear me? Came back only yesterday I'm moving farther away Want you near me All I needed Thank you, Lucifer.
You gave All I needed for another day I'm just glad you got what you needed.
And all I ever knew But you, you never found that inspiration that you were looking for.
Are you ever gonna tell me what it is you were trying to solve? Uh, it's-it's complicated.
Well, tell me anyhow? Very well.
A long time ago, dear old Dad put a curse on a well, a friend of mine.
And I want to break that curse, show my Father He's not as powerful as He thinks, that He can't control him.
Or me.
Well, crazy metaphor aside, can I offer some advice? Oh [CHUCKLES.]
please.
If I've learned anything from this experience, it's that it's better to move forward than stay stuck in the past.
It's just like Kathleen realized.
We can't rewrite history.
You can't.
But maybe I can.
[LAUGHS.]
: Detective, you're a genius.
Thanks? You've just given me my idea.
All I need to do is go back and undo the reason it exists in the first place.
- Oh.
- [LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
You gave All I needed for another day And all I ever knew Only you.
I'm sure it's all a part of God's plan.
If you mean His plan to continually manipulate and control me, then agreed.
I really appreciate how you handled the whole "me not wanting you and Amenadiel to bone" thing.
I do really like you.
You can't die, I know.
But I promise you, I will find a way to end your infinite misery if it's the last thing I do.
Thank you for your help, mate.
No worries.
This actually gives me time to brainstorm a little problem of my own.
Aah! LUCIFER: I don't understand.
How does this not work? You still have no idea how to kill me.
Lucifer, I'm here.
Are you ready? Lucifer? [LAUGHS.]
: Why is it so dark in here? Wha? Lucifer? Lucifer? [SIGHS.]
LUCIFER: Detective.
[GASPS.]
There's been a change of plan.
I'm not going.
What? But we have a case.
Something's happened.
Please leave.
Wait, what's happened? Are you okay? LUCIFER: I can't I can't make them go away.
Wha? Lucifer, - what's on your back? - Detective, I said leave! [GASPING.]
What's going on? I can't I can't control them.
[SCREAMS.]
No! Detective! [GASPING.]
Detective! Detective, grab my hand! Detective! [CHLOE SCREAMS.]
No! No No! And then I woke up.
And it's not the sort of dream I'm used to.
A lot less nudity.
So what do you think it means? Well, I think it's pretty obvious what it means, Lucifer.
That I need sturdier guardrails? Or, maybe there's some symbolism in there.
- You mean my wings, don't you? - Yes.
Well, clearly, you have issues.
Well, you would, too, if your father slapped a pair on your back.
Took away your Devil face, took away who you are.
I mean, who knows what else He'll take from me.
Lux? My job with the LAPD? Or Chloe.
Well, she may be part of it, but this isn't about her.
This is about me.
So can we please just focus on what truly matters here? - Which is? - Showing my Father that He can't control me.
And He's not as powerful as he thinks.
And how are you going to do that? By defying Him.
I'm gonna remove Pierce's immortal curse so he can finally die.
There's just one problem, though.
Just one? [SIGHS.]
Everything that I've come up with, Pierce has already tried.
I'm completely out of ideas.
My well is dry, and that is why I'm here.
Yeah, well.
Not sure I know how to remove an immortal's curse.
[LAUGHS.]
: No.
I need you to remove my mental block.
Hypnotize me, or something.
I hear it works with smoking and insomnia, so [GRUNTS.]
Unfortunately, that's not how it works, Lucifer.
There's no easy fix for a lack of ideas.
No? No.
You just have to be patient.
You never know when or where inspiration will strike.
Well, thank you, Doctor.
For being completely unhelpful today.
[SCOFFS.]
[SIGHS.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
Ah.
Hi, Amenadiel.
Ooh, ooh Ooh.
Hey, Ella? Um [CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh, listen, about tonight? - I'm gonna have to - No! No.
You better not be cancelling on me again.
I know, I'm so sorry.
It's just, I have so much work to do.
Can't you play hooky? Not if I want to be a responsible adult.
Right.
But What if you weren't a responsible adult? [LAUGHING.]
: Just this once.
Come on! Chloe, I mean, don't you ever miss just having stupid fun like when you were a kid? I was a pretty grown-up kid, actually.
Well, never too late to start.
I know.
I'm sorry, babe, I can't.
Can we do a neon party rain check? Decker, one of these days, you're gonna realize what you've been missing.
[QUIETLY.]
: It looked so cute on you.
[SCOFFS.]
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER.]
This is the longest you've ever gone without talking.
Ever.
Is something on your mind? Nothing.
That's the problem.
[SIGHS.]
Uh, how so? [SIGHS.]
Well, I I have this puzzle that I need to solve, but I've hit a mental block.
- Okay.
- Have you ever just ran out of ideas when working a particularly difficult case? I mean, before I came along, of course.
[SCOFFS.]
Right.
Um not really.
I-I mean, I've hit dead ends from lack of evidence, but no, because there's always a new angle to consider.
Braggart.
[SIGHS.]
DAN: Our victim's name was Kathleen Pike, 33.
She's the author of a best-selling futuristic Y.
A.
series called Class of 3001.
She was found with her head bashed in by her own vintage typewriter.
The irony's a little on the nose.
Or on the head, should I say? CHLOE: What's that white stuff? ELLA: I know what you guys are thinking.
She's a synthetic.
Aliens.
The android who bled white.
[GURGLES.]
No one? Really? Oh, never mind.
That's melted ice cream, anyway.
It looks like our victim was about to dig in last night when someone showed up and rewrote her dessert menu with that typewriter.
Real wound's over here though.
- Huh.
Who found the body? - [CAMERA CLICKS.]
Kathleen's editor.
Vincent Green.
He's out by the pool.
Thank you.
Uh, Daniel.
- Your head is mostly empty.
- Huh? Exactly.
And yet, you manage to do this improv thing.
How do you come up with stuff on the spot like that? Well, the first rule of improv is "yes, and" Yes and what? That's the name of the technique.
Right.
I've heard you talk about it before, but I don't actually understand what it means.
Well, you agree with whatever's being said yes.
And then you say the first thing that comes to your mind and.
That makes no sense.
[SIGHS.]
But I'm desperate, so I'll try anything.
Yes, and.
VINCENT: I got the call from Kathleen late last night.
She finally finished the new book.
We made plans for me to come over this morning, pick up the manuscript.
Do you usually pick up manuscripts in person? With Kathleen, yes.
There's only ever one hard copy since she does all her writing on that typewriter.
Yes, and well, her dying on that typewriter as well, it seems.
CHLOE: Do you know anyone who would have done this to her? Any known enemies? No, Kathleen was extremely well-liked.
She had millions of devoted fans.
Ugh, I know how fans can get obsessed with their idols.
Yes, and with their boobs.
Like after you did Hot Tub High School, Detective.
- Oh.
Uh-huh.
- You don't think this could be my fault, do you? - Why? - I was so excited that she was finished that I tweeted the news to her fans.
I really talked the book up, hinting at this huge action-packed robot rebellion ending she teased me with.
Well, as long as you didn't tweet her address as well.
No, of course not, but someone could find that.
Someone who wanted to read the book first? Yes, and someone who wanted to tell her that robot rebellions couldn't be more dull and derivative.
What is with all this "yes, and" stuff? Oh, just some improv thing I was hoping would knock me out of my idea dry spell.
But you're literally just saying what you would normally say, with the words "yes, and" in front of it.
Yes, and it's clearly not working.
- Uh-uh.
- Stupid Daniel.
Idea dry spell.
Just like Kathleen.
What do you mean? She had the worst case of writer's block I've ever seen.
Took her five years to figure out how to end the series.
Well, never mind that.
How did she cure her block? I don't know, she said I would understand after I read it.
Said she even explained how she broke through it in the book's afterword.
But you haven't read it.
No, like I said, there's only one copy and I haven't seen it.
Detective.
This afterword could explain how to overcome my own form of writer's block.
- What? - We need to find it.
The killer.
You mean we need to find the killer.
Exactly.
So they can hand over that book.
Uh-huh.
Never get to bed Mmm.
Linda, I have to say, these last few weeks have been absolutely incredible.
Wow.
You're really good at this sweet, sappy stuff, aren't you? [CHUCKLES.]
- [GIGGLES.]
I feel the same.
Good.
Well, maybe someday we can actually have this date in public? [BOTH LAUGH.]
[SIGHS.]
I do hate sneaking around, but Maze.
I know.
I know.
She can't find out.
I I want to tell her, I just don't know how.
I admit, I'm afraid.
Well, you should be.
Maze would not take this well.
I feel so guilty, I.
[SCOFFS.]
I've been avoiding her calls.
Are we being cowards? Yes.
But, Linda, it's - Maze.
- Maze.
I know.
Do you know how she's doing? I'm sure she's fine.
Busy hunting bounties and all.
But I can check on her if that'll make you feel better.
Really? Just to make sure she's okay.
Of course.
I would do anything for you.
Over my head What? Is that too sappy? No, I don't like my fate Or how I'm turning out Yeah How I'm turning out.
"Max was plagued with confusion.
"If Jessica truly loved him, then why'd she kiss Tristan? "And in the back seat of her flying car, no less.
" This has sold millions of copies.
Tongueless kissing and stealing liquor from their parents.
[CHUCKLES.]
I mean, where's the sex? The drugs? That robot rebellion cannot come soon enough.
Was your high school experience this pathetically PG? I didn't have much of a high school experience.
Oh! Played hooky a lot did you? Suddenly I like you more.
No, child actors don't have much time for regular school.
You're either auditioning or on set, - so it's mostly tutors.
- Ah.
Maybe I did miss out on a lot.
Anyhow, why are you reading those? I doubt that that's gonna lead us to Kathleen's killer.
Oh, well, Kathleen's afterword explained how she overcame her writer's block.
In order to understand, I may need context.
Oh, in case she uses examples? Exactly.
So, speaking of the killer, any leads? Yeah, actually.
Someone who goes by the name of "Ashley3001fan.
" Got into some pretty heated online arguments with Kathleen.
Apparently, she wasn't too happy the book was taking so long to be completed.
Poor Kathleen.
When will people understand writer's block is a very serious condition? Well, Kathleen agreed.
LUCIFER: "I don't have to answer to ignorant trolls like you.
There's a reason I'm the writer and you're a fan.
Maybe you should try contributing something to society.
" Ouch, nicely put, Kathleen.
Yeah.
After Kathleen publicly berated her, Ashley went completely offline.
You think Ashley was so humiliated by her hero that she wanted revenge? [SIGHS.]
It's possible.
Well, let's hope so 'cause I need to find that boo Killer, the b killer.
I know you mean book.
I did.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Hi, Amenadiel.
Hey, Trixie.
Uh, is Maze here? Sorry, no.
Oh.
Would you mind telling her that I stopped by, please? Sure.
Thanks.
Nice work, Trix.
Why don't you want to see him? Amenadiel's nice.
Nice? If he were nice, he wouldn't be sneaking around behind my back with my friend, and lying about it.
Why are they doing that? I don't know.
'Cause they suck.
Mommy says that sometimes, people are just scared to tell the truth.
Maybe they need a little help.
That's not a bad idea, kid.
Helping people tell the truth is kind of my thing.
Huh.
I cybertraced Ashley3001fan to here.
And the ice cream from the crime scene, also from here.
- Ashley could be one of these three.
- Yes.
They do seem like the insipid Y.
A.
type.
Though, scooping frozen treats for others day in, day out, seems even more boring.
CHLOE: Yeah, but they get to hang out with their friends.
There's no adult responsibility.
It looks like they're having fun.
You know, stupid fun.
Since when do you like "stupid fun"? Hi.
Detective Decker, LAPD.
I'd like to ask you all some - Freeze.
- LUCIFER: Ha.
"Freeze," good one.
[PANTING.]
Please.
Please don't call my mom.
I-It's just one joint.
Claire? What's going on? Claire? You're not Ashley? No, I'm Ashley.
Ashley's a man? Yeah, I'm a man.
And I'm the manager.
What's going on? Oh, what's going on, Ashley, is you need to give me that book.
Otherwise, I'll show you the true meaning of "you scream for ice cream.
" Okay? All right.
LUCIFER: I'm gonna ask you nicely, Ashley.
Where's the book? Dude, I'm telling you.
I don't have any book.
Then why was that found at Kathleen Pike's home? "3000 and Yum.
" Yeah, that's a flavor I created special for Kathleen.
I brought it to her house personally.
Do you always bring ice cream to your murder victims? Murder? Wait Kathleen's dead? Very.
Man, she was the greatest writer of our generation.
What? Her books were about high school drama.
What could a man of your age possibly find great about them? [CHUCKLES.]
: I mean, high school was the best time of my life.
Reading 3001 makes me feel like I'm 16 again.
Those books are deeper than you think.
We know about your online fight with Kathleen.
Things got very heated.
Must've hurt to have her insult you like that in front of everybody.
I never should've said those things.
So, I sent her some of my writing.
You know, like an olive branch.
Hold on, you're a writer? Yeah, man.
I've written, like, tons of Class of 3001 fan fiction.
Can't imagine that Kathleen was too pleased.
Kathleen liked my writing.
She even asked me to help her finish her last book.
She asked you to help? So Kathleen's solution to writer's block was to outsource? Yeah, but when Kathleen read my version, she decided she wanted to go in a different direction.
But she said it did help her f-finish her book on her own.
So [SCOFFS.]
boom.
It did? How? What exactly helped Kathleen overcome her block? She told me she realized she needed to be more authentic.
You know, get back to her original inspiration.
That is completely meaningless.
Well, well, what was the original inspiration? Oh? You guys don't know? So, the characters in Kathleen's books are based on real people.
DAN: And all of her stories were taken from her real life at Westside High, right here in L.
A.
LUCIFER: Max, Jessica, Isabel.
She didn't even change any of the first names.
Did she have any original ideas at all? Well, she changed the last names.
ELLA: And she did have to come up with all that futuristic sci-fi stuff.
I mean, trust me, that is not easy.
I'm actually writing my own book about a forensic scientist - who talks to ghosts.
- You are? Tell me, what do you do when you run out of ideas? Oh, I never run out of ideas.
I've got way too many.
My problem is how to choose.
Well, there's no need to rub it in.
- Thank you.
- So, this author exposed all these people's dirty laundry? Sounds like motive to me.
Uh, I think Charlotte uh, Ms.
Richards is right.
If, uh, someone saw the editor's tweet announcing another book, then maybe one of them killed her to make sure it didn't come out.
Ella.
The main characters from the Class of 3001 If the book's gonna reveal any secrets, it's theirs.
These are our suspects.
Right.
Prom king, sexpot, cheerleader, bad boy, valedictorian, jock.
One of these six degenerates has my book.
Let's bring them in.
No, all you have is speculation.
Not enough for arrest warrants.
I mean, even if we did bring them all in, we don't have any leverage.
Why would they admit to anything? CHLOE: Well, according to superfan Ashley, Kathleen was rushing to get her book done in time to announce it at her high school reunion, which is tomorrow night.
Well, if all our suspects are in town to attend, gave them opportunity.
Mm-hmm.
And it gives us an opportunity as well, to go undercover.
- Well, good.
What are we waiting for? - Well, it's a high school reunion.
Everybody knows everybody.
Unless you're Todd Cornwell.
Who's Todd Cornwell? Exactly.
Todd Cornwell.
Class loner, acne, Coke-bottle glasses, whole bit.
Went to college overseas, and when I stalked Kathleen's classmates online, Todd was the only one with zero social media presence.
Lucifer, you could go as Todd.
Yeah, no, no, seriously.
Look, he looks just like you.
LUCIFER: Has all that masturbation finally caught up with your eyesight, Daniel? No one'll believe that even if I tell them I've had a face and body transplant.
CHLOE: Yeah, but it might be our only shot.
I mean, I could go as your plus-one.
ELLA: Oh, poops.
Hold up.
Todd RSVP'd "yes.
" [SIGHS.]
Charlotte, is there any legal way to prevent him from attending? Well, it's definitely not legal to distract Todd with, say, a bounty hunter.
If anyone needs me, I'm gonna be in my office not hearing the plan.
Okay, great.
Are you gonna call Maze? Gladly, whilst you research our suspects.
Enjoy.
Maze.
I'm so glad you're here.
Yeah, well, you seem pretty busy.
I called a couple of times.
Never heard back.
Yeah, I know, work's been crazy.
Oh.
I was hoping that maybe you found a boyfriend.
- Boyfriend? - Yeah.
Why would I [LAUGHS.]
Definitely no boyfriend.
- Really? - Yup.
So single.
So so single.
Well, in that case, I should totally set you up.
I have just the guy.
Oh, that it so thoughtful of you, Maze, but you really don't have to do that.
Please, Linda, I want to.
What are best friends for? I know, it's just me and blind dates - How about tomorrow night? - Tomorrow night? Oh shoot.
I think I'm busy.
Let me do this.
Tomorrow it is.
[GASPS.]
No.
[SIGHS.]
- [EXCLAIMS.]
- BEATRICE: Mom? Baby, what are you doing up? Get back in bed.
Bed? It's morning.
I'm gonna miss the bus.
What? I've-I've, uh I've been up all night? Come on, come on.
Get the Get-get, go, get your Where's the? Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star? One without a permanent scar And did you miss me While you were looking for yourself out there? [GASPS.]
Oh.
Wow.
You know, high school reunion's a very popular torture in Hell.
CHLOE: This is beautiful.
I you know, you didn't even try to look like Todd.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- Well well, why would I do that? If I was Todd, I'd want to look like me.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh, look.
It's Emily and Bo, Tristan and Jessica, and there's Max talking to Isabel.
She is so not good enough for him, really.
[LAUGHS.]
What did you just say? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Max and Isabel, two of our suspects.
Oh, oh! The prom king and the sexpot.
Oh, Lucifer, don't judge.
They're so much more to these people than their stereotypes suggest.
[LAUGHS.]
: Right.
It's just, ugh.
Are you being serious? Yeah.
Yeah, the books are much deeper than you'd imagine.
The characters, they're so compelling and relatable and rich, and I-I mean [STAMMERS.]
They're all here.
And one of them is most likely a killer.
Right.
- Right.
- Right.
Okay, I'm gonna go sign us in so that we can finally meet the, um so we can question the suspects.
[GIGGLES.]
What is happening? Okay, so we each have three people to question.
Let's figure out who was worried about Kathleen's book coming out.
Yes, and where everyone was the night of the murder.
Oh, yeah.
Are you even listening to me? - Mm-hmm.
- Do you know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but focus, Detective.
I need that afterword.
- Right, sorry.
- Right.
- Oh, my God.
- What? It's Jessica.
Can you believe that sophomore year, she hooked up with Tristan on the laserball field? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Don't worry, Jessica's on my list.
Okay, so, I'm the first one here.
I'll just go have a drink at the bar.
- HOSTESS: Sure thing.
- Linda.
Amenadiel, what are you doing here? Well, Maze invited me.
I thought she wanted to talk after I stopped by yesterday.
Maze is setting me up on a blind date.
What if you are my blind date? Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Unless she knows about us and is trying to make us squirm.
And torture is her thing.
MAZE: Linda, this is Todd.
Your date.
Hello.
This is a blue lobelia.
Native Americans used them to treat constipation.
Thank you.
[SIGHS.]
[GRUNTS.]
But what are you two doing here? Double date.
Isn't this great? Hmm.
Yeah, uh, no Hi.
That's great.
["LET ME BLOW YA MIND" BY EVE PLAYING.]
[BOTH TALKING QUIETLY.]
Excuse us.
Isabel.
Todd? Odd-bod Todd? Are I'm sorry.
You just look so different.
I'll take that as a compliment.
Wow, I Do you have a British accent? Well, I've had many accents over the years, but this one is clearly the best.
[LAUGHS.]
You're so funny and so hot.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I know.
- Mmm.
Uh, but I need to ask you a few questions.
Sure.
Let's catch up.
Can you believe Kathleen's coming out with another book? Oh, I believe it.
That bitch loved profiting off of us.
Ugh, she sucks.
But honestly, we're all, uh, just trying to move on.
Man, those books ruined our lives.
I had to move to Maine.
Do you know what was in her last book? What sparked her final idea? The books are about you, correct? And I ain't goin' nowhere - Oh, for - CHLOE: So, do you know what happens in the new book? Are there any big secrets that come out or [GASPS.]
Does Isabel actually get pregnant? Uh, who are you again? What were you doing two nights ago? I was at home? Doing a facial.
I was with Tristan.
I think.
I mean, by the time I flew in, it was really late.
You're hiding something.
And I think I know what.
It's because you were with Bo, and you didn't want Isabel to find out.
But, like, who cares what Isabel thinks? Especially after what she did to you in chemistry class? I mean, do you realize you're still lucky to have your hand? ISABEL: It doesn't matter where I was two nights ago.
What matters is that tonight, we're together.
[SIGHS.]
So where were you two nights ago? That's hard to find Let's go talk somewhere a little quieter.
Right.
Yeah, talk.
Uh-huh.
[LAUGHING.]
You two have so much in common.
Yeah.
Linda, you're a therapist.
And, Todd, you're in therapy.
Discuss.
Oh.
- You don't have to - I wet the bed.
It's more common than people think.
You're lovely.
I'm so glad she convinced me to skip my reunion for this.
Most serial killers wet the bed.
[HISSES.]
I smell a love connection, don't you? Let's crank this date up a notch.
Waiter.
[QUIETLY.]
: Linda.
This is getting out of control.
We just have to get through tonight.
We can do it.
[MAZE SIGHS.]
So, Todd.
Any hobbies? I make my own toothpaste.
Where were you two nights ago? Uh Come on, Tristan.
I can't remember.
Well, try.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I told you, man, I don't, I don't remember where I was.
Oh! Tell me the truth now.
Okay.
A couple nights ago, we all broke into the school pool.
You know, just a little party before the party, you know? Well, why is that a secret? Because we didn't invite everyone.
Well, you, for instance.
What? I'm sorry, man.
If we knew how cool you had gotten, we totally would've invited you.
So what you're saying is you all have the same alibi? [GROANS.]
Wasting our time here.
[PANTS.]
Where's the detective? MAX: I dig you, Chloe.
You you're different.
Too bad you didn't go to high school with us.
Yeah.
That would have been great.
Yeah.
So, you were gonna tell me where you were two nights ago? [CHUCKLES.]
Is that really what you want to talk about, hmm? Well, I mean, I would really like to know.
JESSICA: Max! What are you doing? Who is that? - Uh - We were talking.
And what do you care? You cheated on Max with Tristan.
That was 15 years ago.
- MAX: Actually, I am still kind of pissed - Right.
- about that.
- I'm sorry I cheated on you, but I only did it because I thought you slept with Emily.
I would never cheat on you, Jessica.
I know that now.
I read 3001.
It showed me how much you really loved me.
JESSICA: You know, sometimes I think about getting back together.
CHLOE: Mmm.
Me, too.
Oh.
EMILY: What's going on here? Max, I thought it was gonna be just us.
I'm not really down for a four-way.
LUCIFER: Make that five.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm not down, either.
- Oh.
So you were sleeping with Emily - Oh.
Weren't you? And then you bring this rando in here, too? - I'm not a "rando.
" - I-I just met - this rando.
- JESSICA: We are never - Hey.
- getting back together.
- You didn't tell her about us? - MAX: Jessica, I - Us? - Yes, us.
- That's what you said.
- MAX: I never said - Oh, really, Max? - Anything like that to you.
Detective! None of these people killed Kathleen.
- What? - "Killed"? - EMILY: What? - "Detective"? LUCIFER: I have discovered that they all have the same alibi.
They broke onto the campus two nights ago and had a party by the pool.
Didn't you? Hmm? So, Kathleen's killer, not here.
Look at me, being the responsible one.
So that's why you were all acting so strangely.
MAX: Yeah.
Sorry we didn't invite you, Todd, but, uh you're not mad, right? You were hanging out with Kathleen anyway.
CHLOE: What? Todd was hanging out with Kathleen two nights ago? Yeah, it's what he said in the e-mail.
I did? I What? He was an awesome math tutor, and now he helps me with my taxes.
LUCIFER: Detective.
I think I'm the killer.
[SIREN WAILING.]
Apparently, Maze took Todd to a steakhouse in Hollywood.
It is an odd place for a kidnapping, even for Maze.
And what motive would Todd have to kill Kathleen? - He's not even in the books.
- Well, exactly.
Odd-bod Todd's probably tired of being left out.
Oh, right, should have thought of that.
Yes, you should have, but someone was making the case all about themselves.
Slightly unprofessional, but I forgive you, Detective.
I know.
I can't believe I let myself get so wrapped up in all of that.
Think I was just trying to make up for all the fun, teenage drama that I missed out on, you know? I didn't even get to go to my own prom.
It's ridiculous, I know.
No, it's not.
[ENGINE REVS.]
And that's the best way to clean out an abscessed tooth.
How delightful.
I am so glad we did this.
I have missed you guys.
[CHUCKLES.]
I mean [INHALES SHARPLY.]
[SIGHS.]
what's not to miss, right? Mmm.
- Mmm.
- Okay, stop.
Uh, that's inappropriate.
[QUIETLY.]
: We're in a restaurant, Maze.
Who cares? I care.
I mean, I'm just it ju it just makes me uncomfortable.
Oh, it does? Well, does this make you uncomfortable, too? AMENADIEL: [GROANS.]
Maze! Maze! Why are you acting like this? Because she knows.
You know, don't you? And you're torturing us.
That is so incredibly mean.
I'm the one who's mean? You're the ones who've been running around, lying to me about this fling for weeks.
LINDA: Of course we lied, Maze.
Look at you.
You have a tendency to overreact.
I do not - overreact.
- AMENADIEL: Maze.
- Can we just calm down here? - No! No.
I will not take orders from some pathetic daddy's boy.
Tell me, Amenadiel.
Is this the divine purpose your Father sent you here for? So you can bang some selfish human? Selfish? Selfish? All I do is listen to your problems! Everyone's problems! So, yeah, for once, I put myself first and did what makes me happy.
So, sue me.
Or torture me.
Or better yet, why don't you just skewer me with one of your knives? But before you do, know that this wasn't some fling, that what Amenadiel and I found was completely unexpected, but 100% real.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
But you were my friend.
Maze? LAPD, drop the weapons.
Yes, I indeed visited Kathleen two nights ago.
The night she was murdered.
Kathleen was murdered? Oh, my.
And y-you think I did it.
[SIGHS.]
Of course you do.
The weirdo.
The outcast.
[SIGHS.]
I'm used to people judging this book by its cover.
That's why I swore off social media.
I still don't even know how Kathleen tracked me down.
Kathleen tracked you down? She wanted to discuss the final installment of her series with me.
Well, why would she talk about that with you? You're not even in the books.
Yeah.
I was surprised, too.
Turns out, not only was she going to include me in the final book, she was making me the hero.
Wait, h-hold on, does that mean she let you read the book? Uh, no.
She didn't want me to read it yet.
Kathleen was waiting for the reunion.
She was excited about finishing it in time to show everyone there.
So you have no idea what's in the afterword? The afterword? No.
But she did tell me about the story itself.
How it had a peaceful, grounded ending.
No scandals, no insiders versus outcasts.
Just people finally understanding each other.
The way she described it, it [SIGHS.]
it sounded beautiful.
- And boring.
- And not at all like the action-packed robot ending that the editor told us about.
I smell a new theory brewing.
I got to go make a phone call.
Mr.
Green.
Hi, uh, Detective Decker, LAPD.
Detective, how can I help you? Um, I was just wondering, did Kathleen ever talk to you about working with a ghostwriter? A ghostwriter? No, wish she had.
Maybe she would have finished the book sooner.
Oh, I see.
So-so, she never mentioned a-a fan-fic writer named Ashley Collins? He's a-a manager at an ice cream shop.
I think the name's Scoop Science.
Actually, yeah, Kathleen did mention some sort of overeager fan who invented some special flavor for her.
Kind of creeped her out.
Wh-Why are you asking? Is this Ashley a suspect? Oh, well, I can't divulge any of that information at this time.
But you've been incredibly helpful, Mr.
Green.
Thank you.
You in the mood for some ice cream? Hello, Vincent.
Looking for Ashley? Sorry to disappoint.
- What are you doing here? - CHLOE: Drop the gun.
You're under arrest for the murder of Kathleen Pike.
You lied to us, Vincent.
I called Ashley.
He confirmed that the robot ending was his version and not Kathleen's.
- Th-That means nothing.
- But it is suspicious.
So I looked at traffic footage.
You went to Kathleen's house the night of the murder.
But, Detective, didn't he tell us he didn't go over there till the next morning? Fine.
Yes, I was at Kathleen's that night.
If you had waited five years for that damn book like I did, you wouldn't want to wait another second for it either.
But once you got it, you didn't like what you read, - did you? - I was horrified.
She ended the series in the most boring way possible.
And you were worried about the sales.
We'd lose millions without the right ending.
Ashley's.
So you and Kathleen argued over which one to use.
She refused to use the good version.
So, yeah, I threw her stupid typewriter at her.
But even with Kathleen gone, you knew that you couldn't publish Ashley's ending as hers.
So you came here to tie up the one loose end.
Now, tell me, Vincent Kathleen's manuscript, where is it? I don't have it.
I destroyed it.
You did what? I couldn't let anybody read that pathetic joke of an ending! But I needed to read the afterword so I could fix my problem, - and now you're saying it's gone?! - CHLOE: Lucifer, back off.
What did it say? - The afterword? - Yes! How did she fix her block? I don't know! She said inspiration came when she realized she couldn't go back and change what she'd done.
Well, that doesn't help me at all! Lucifer, stop! Now I'm never gonna figure out how to - [HANDCUFFS TIGHTEN.]
- Are you okay? No, Detective.
Far from it.
["BAD LOVE" BY RY X PLAYING.]
Remind me to never go on another blind date ever again.
Mm-mm.
Oh, I don't know, I thought you and Todd really made a connection.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Okay, so I've been thinking.
- Yeah.
- A lot.
Tie you up, not enough Pretty crazy what Maze did.
I'll say.
But she was right.
We never should have lied to her.
And I never should have lied to myself.
Yourself? What do you mean? As much as I tried to tell myself otherwise, I knew what we were doing was going to hurt her.
And I did it anyway.
That's how much I wanted to be with you, Amenadiel.
Look, you've made me happier than I've been in a long, long time.
But I was being selfish.
Maze is my friend.
I'll be your warmth here [SIGHS.]
I can't be with you anymore.
I'll be your back Not when it does this to her.
I put you in the corner You know, it's not fair for her to take this away from us.
I know.
I don't expect you to understand.
Please, baby But I don't want to be that kind of person.
It's just not who I am.
I'll be your warmth here Actually, I do understand.
Um I may have strayed from who I am as well.
I'm holding your bag for you [SIGHS DEEPLY.]
Please, baby, back for bad love So I guess this is it.
I guess so.
How can I wait? Holding your bag for you.
Lucifer! I'm here.
- You wanted to see me? - Yes, I wanted to check on you.
That you were back to being the good detective.
"The good detective"? Mm.
Well, I like our partnership much better when you do all the work and I'm the fun, irresponsible one.
Oh.
Yeah.
I did get a little carried away at that reunion.
Just a smidge.
[BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY.]
Y-You know, it made me realize something.
[SIGHS.]
All of that high school drama that I missed out on The-the girly gossip, the hallway crushes, all those school dances That's just not who I am.
I I like being the responsible adult.
Right.
So you no longer desire any of that high school poppycock? [SIGHS.]
No.
Well then [CLEARS THROAT.]
I guess you won't be wanting this.
Detective will you go to the prom with me? ["ONLY YOU" BY YAZOO PLAYING.]
I can't believe you did this.
Looking from a window above It's like a story of love Can you hear me? Came back only yesterday I'm moving farther away Want you near me All I needed Thank you, Lucifer.
You gave All I needed for another day I'm just glad you got what you needed.
And all I ever knew But you, you never found that inspiration that you were looking for.
Are you ever gonna tell me what it is you were trying to solve? Uh, it's-it's complicated.
Well, tell me anyhow? Very well.
A long time ago, dear old Dad put a curse on a well, a friend of mine.
And I want to break that curse, show my Father He's not as powerful as He thinks, that He can't control him.
Or me.
Well, crazy metaphor aside, can I offer some advice? Oh [CHUCKLES.]
please.
If I've learned anything from this experience, it's that it's better to move forward than stay stuck in the past.
It's just like Kathleen realized.
We can't rewrite history.
You can't.
But maybe I can.
[LAUGHS.]
: Detective, you're a genius.
Thanks? You've just given me my idea.
All I need to do is go back and undo the reason it exists in the first place.
- Oh.
- [LAUGHS.]
Thank you.
You gave All I needed for another day And all I ever knew Only you.