Phineas and Ferb s03e15 Episode Script
A Real Boy (15 min)
by ashirogi27 Good morning, Danville! It's a beautiful day, so let's get out there and be happy! It's a beautiful day, so let's get out there and be happy! Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum (Song: Gumshine and Bubble Sun) Sunshine and bubblegum Happiness, here comes the sun Sunshine Happiness and gum Gumshine and bubblesun Happiness, we're having fun Happiness Sunshine and gum Go ahead and move with feeling You can even dance (You can dance) If you can feel it, go ahead and scream If you're worried about the sound, you can always scream into a pillow Good morning, sir! Ugh.
One egg or two? None! I don't like 'em the way you cook 'em.
You always leave in the shells! Who does that? I like mine crunchy.
Just keep quiet over there.
I got a call from Rodney.
What do you want, Rodney? I thought I'd share with you with the progress on my new Super Zap-inizer.
My son, Orville, helped me.
He's a true evil genius.
I'm so glad I have a son who can assist me in my work and help me become a better evil scientist, instead of a daughter who can Um, I don't know, go shopping, I guess? Um, I don't know, go shopping, I guess? Is that what it's like, Heinz? Oh, that's ridiculous, Rodney.
W-What you'd have me believe, is that daughters are useless, and if only I had a son instead of a daughter, I'd be much more successful, and my life would be so much better.
is that daughters are useless, and if only I had a son instead of a daughter, I'd be much more successful, and my life would be so much better.
Waitâ No, Vanessaâ No, wait, wait! How long have you been standing thereâ? Vanessa? Vanessa, honey! Oh, I can't believe that she would think that Iâ I mean, it sure would be nice to have a son, in addition.
I mean, it sure would be nice to have a son, in addition.
You know, someone to have a nice game of catch with, butâ Sir, you can have a game of catch with me! I've always thought of you as my fa Norm, you're in my light! ther.
Hi, Phineas! What'cha doin'? Well, you know those little spring suction cup things that you push down and you never know when it's gonna pop up in the air? Yeah, what are those things called, anyway? I don't know.
But Ferb and I built a big one! Hey, look! It's one of those things! It's one of those things! Yes! A big one! Everybody in! So, when's it gonna pop? That's the fun part.
You'll never know when it's gonna take off! Hey, where'sâ Hey, where'sâ I don't know what happened, Carl, but our cafeteria officially stinks.
Sir, I don't think you're being fair.
Oh, Mexican food station is gone, Carl.
Vanished! They still have the chili.
Oh, right! Because chili is a perfect substitute for a nice touchy-taco.
It's practically the same thing! Agent P, you're here! Agent P, you're here! Um Our inter-web monitor tells us that Dr.
Doofenshmirtz has been video-conferencing with the other members of the evil organization; L.
O.
V.
E.
M.
U.
F.
F.
I.
N.
It's obvious they're planning something big, but right now we have our hands full with this all cafeteria debacle.
So, get out there and put a stop to it! So, get out there and put a stop to it! Good luck, Agent P.
Carl, we're going off the lot for lunch.
Carl, we're going off the lot for lunch.
Is that allowed, sir? No That was great, Phineas! Yes! Let us do that again! Ferb, let's reset it.
There they go again with their machine, mocking me.
"Oh, hi, I'm Phineas! Ferb and I are building something really bust-worthy!" "Yeah, like what? Like a submarine that'll go into my esophagus?" Candace, what are you doing? Candace, what are you doing? Nothing.
Did you bring the hypnotism stuff? If you mean the pocket watch, then, yes.
Why do you want to do this, Candace? I have to meet Jeremy in the park today, but I can't go unless I get this busting out of my head! But, hypnotism? It's just so 1843 of you.
It's just so 1843 of you.
You know, 1843 when James Braid published the "Rationale of Somnambulism" in which he invented the term "hypnotism", named after the Greek god, Hypnos.
How do you even know that? It's written on your poster.
Apparently, he also invented the comb-over.
Freaky.
Why would I have bought that poster? Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Oh, this is terrible, look at her, look what I've done.
She's been giving me the cold shoulder ever since she overheard something out of context.
Oh, this is like one of those sitcoms where somebody says something that's misconstrued, and the snoopy next door neighbor gets the wrong package delivered after his in-laws come to visit, and somebody has two dates on the same night and they have to paint a white line on the middle of the room But this isn't a sitcom, Perry the Platypus, this is real life.
But this isn't a sitcom, Perry the Platypus, this is real life.
And I'm And I'm the father, and I have to treat her with the respect that she deserves in a caring fatherly fashion.
And I'm the father, and I have to treat her with the respect that she deserves in a caring fatherly fashion.
I'll blast her with one of my inators! Wait here.
You like it, Perry the Platypus? I built it for the 170th anniversary of the Alamo, but I forgot to use it! It makes people forget about what they're thinking right at that moment, I call it the Forget-About-It-inator! It makes people forget about what they're thinking right at that moment, I call it the Forget-About-It-inator! I love that name.
Forget-about-it.
Forget-about-it.
Forget-about-it! Forget-about-it! Forget-about-it! Yeah, how 'bout a handshake? Yeah, how 'bout a handshake? Forget about it! If only I were a real boy.
You are now entering a deep sleep Deep sleep What? Sweet! It's working.
Candace, when you hear the trigger word, um, "holy guacamole", you will no longer have the desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.
Candace, when you hear the trigger word, um, "holy guacamole", you will no longer have the desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.
Candace, when you hear the trigger word, um, "holy guacamole", you will no longer have the desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.
Candace, when you hear the trigger word, um, "holy guacamole", you will no longer have the desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.
Candace, when you hear the trigger word, um, "holy guacamole", you will no longer have the desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.
No more busting my brothers And when you hear "leaping lizards", it will make you return to normal.
And when you hear "leaping lizards", it will make you return to normal.
And when you hear "leaping lizards", it will make you return to normal.
Return to normal Now, when I snap my fingers, you will awaken with no recollection of being hypnotized.
Now, when I snap my fingers, you will awaken with no recollection of being hypnotized.
Now, when I snap my fingers, you will awaken with no recollection of being hypnotized.
Do you understand, Candace? No No? What's not to understand? A brief recap might be helpful Candace, "holy guacamole", no busting.
Candace, "holy guacamole", no busting.
Candace, "holy guacamole", no busting.
"Leaping lizards", back to normal.
"Leaping lizards", back to normal.
I don't know, Stacy.
I don't think it worked.
I still want Phineas and Ferb to go down, downâ I still want Phineas and Ferb to go down, downâ Holy guacamole.
W-What was I talking about? I think you're ready for your date with Jeremy.
Ooh! Who's Jeremy? Uh-oh, I think something went wrong.
I'm just kidding.
Ah! (Song: Real Boy) (He wants to be a real boy) He wants to be a real boy (He wants to be a real boy) Real boy, yeah I'm a lonely orphan robot Just a scrap metal tower A misfired piston Run on squirrel power His galvanized insides can feel no joy He wants to be a real boy I wanna be a real boy! Yeah! Not a titanium toy Don't give my battery flattery What I want is more gray matter-y A brain, some veins, and some arteries! I got a squirrel on a treadmill where my heart should be If I was real You could feel! I could really emote Instead of shorting out whenever he sits on the remote I want a dad A father! Someone I can call pop Someone to take me out for malteds at the soda shop Someone to take me on a fishing trip or teach me how to ride a bike Who'll pat me on the head and ask me "how you doin', tyke?" How you doin', tyke? Oh, I'm fine, all things considered Wanna be a real boy but I don't wanna sound embittered But thanks for asking Seriously! You know what I'd like to do, Candace? I'd like to rent one of those little boats.
Sure, good idea.
Well, great.
Let's go before you, uh Before I rush off to bust Phineas and Ferb? Well Jeremy, I no longer have the desire to bust my brothers.
We can take our time.
Whoa, look at that.
What do you know? Some sort of reptile hopping around.
Hi, little hopping reptile.
Hi, little jumping chameleon.
Hi, little springing salamander.
Leaping lizards! Oh, yeah.
Yeah, funny I didn't think of that one.
Yeah, funny I didn't think of that one.
Candace? Candace? Sorry, Jeremy! I've got to bust my brothers! Ah, that's my girl.
Ah, that's my girl.
Looks like it's just you and me, little galavanting gecko.
Looks like it's just you and me, little galavanting gecko.
Okay, Vanessa.
I just need to take a picture of you because, I love you and I don't need a son.
I just need to take a picture of you because, I love you and I don't need a son.
Did you say something, Dad? What? You're wearing headphones? So, you haven't heard a thing I've said all day? Why do you think I wear the headphones? So, you're not mad at me for saying I'd rather have a son than a daughter like you? What? Oh, nothing, nothing.
Justâ Just put these back on.
There you go.
Whatever.
Well, what about that? She didn't hear me.
I'm still a great dad.
And the sitcom cliché has been resolved.
I guess I didn't need this inator after all.
Say, here's a thought.
Say, here's a thought.
How about if I blast you instead? Sir, I just want you to know I've always thought of you as my father.
Sir, I just want you to know I've always thought of you as my father.
Look, Norm, this is gonna have to wait.
I have to blast Perry the Platypus and I'll be right with you.
There.
Now, who are you? Now, who are you? I am your son! I am your son! I am your son! Yeah! Oh, really? And what's that? Don't worry, Dad, I'll get rid of it.
Don't worry, Dad, I'll get rid of it.
Funny, I don't seem to remember much.
You like playing ball with me, your son.
You like playing ball with me, your son.
Really, I like that? Yes.
What else do I like? Crunchy eggs for breakfast.
I do? Man, what kind of weirdo am I? Phineas and Ferb! Hey, Candace! I'm telling Mom right now.
Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom, you have to come out to the backyard.
Okay, give me a second.
Candace, do you want to go for a ride? Candace, do you want to go for a ride? No, I'm good.
All right, Candace.
What was it you wanted to showâ Crimeny! What is that? Hi, Mom! You see it! You see it! You see it! You see it! Phineas and Ferb are busted for sure.
Where's it going? Oh, it'll come back down in just a little bit.
Just in time for me to get my bust on.
So, what's this thing do? Ooh, look, buttons! Pushy, pushy! Pushy! It comes down, that's great.
We can bust Phineas and Ferb and be done in time for dinner.
So what did you want to show me, Candace? Um, that.
Um, that.
Good heavens! What is that? Like I said, Phineas and Ferb built it, and it'sâ Like I said, Phineas and Ferb built it, and it'sâ Where's it going? Oh, it will be back.
And then it's busting time for sure, right Mom? Alright, Candace.
So, what was it you wanted to show me? This is fun.
Pushy, pushy, push the button.
Sir.
I'm pushing the button.
Sir.
Sir.
All right, Candace.
So, what was it you want to show me? Holy guacamole! What is that? Wait! Why did I leave Jeremy in the park? Oh, there you are, Perry.
Oh, there you are, Perry.
Sir! It's overheating and it could explode.
Hey, wait a minute.
You're not my son.
You're that walking junk pile, Norm.
But, Dad! And I am not your father.
I'm fairly sure about that.
Bu-bu-bu-bu-but! Bu-bu-bu-bu-but! Bu-bu-bu-bu-but! Bu-bu-bu-bu-but! Bu-bu-bu-bu-but! Here, Norm.
Wear these.
It helps.
Thanks, sis! Thanks, sis! No problem, bro.
No problem, bro.
Hey, buddy.
Are you, uh Are you busy? No.
Not really.
You know, Norm, it occurs to me that though I've never had a son, there is someone I can always count on to be there.
You know, Norm, it occurs to me that though I've never had a son, there is someone I can always count on to be there.
Someone I've begun to think of as family.
Yes? And that someone is Perry the Platypus.
See you around, junkpile.
Apology accepted, Dad.
If I was real You could feel! I could really emote Instead of shorting out whenever he sits on the remote I want a dad A father! Someone I can call pop Someone to take me out for malteds at the soda shop Someone to take me on a fishing trip or teach me how to ride a bike Who'll pat me on the head and ask me "how you doin', tyke?" How you doin', tyke? Oh, I'm fine, all things considered Wanna be a real boy but I don't wanna sound embittered But thanks for asking Seriously!
One egg or two? None! I don't like 'em the way you cook 'em.
You always leave in the shells! Who does that? I like mine crunchy.
Just keep quiet over there.
I got a call from Rodney.
What do you want, Rodney? I thought I'd share with you with the progress on my new Super Zap-inizer.
My son, Orville, helped me.
He's a true evil genius.
I'm so glad I have a son who can assist me in my work and help me become a better evil scientist, instead of a daughter who can Um, I don't know, go shopping, I guess? Um, I don't know, go shopping, I guess? Is that what it's like, Heinz? Oh, that's ridiculous, Rodney.
W-What you'd have me believe, is that daughters are useless, and if only I had a son instead of a daughter, I'd be much more successful, and my life would be so much better.
is that daughters are useless, and if only I had a son instead of a daughter, I'd be much more successful, and my life would be so much better.
Waitâ No, Vanessaâ No, wait, wait! How long have you been standing thereâ? Vanessa? Vanessa, honey! Oh, I can't believe that she would think that Iâ I mean, it sure would be nice to have a son, in addition.
I mean, it sure would be nice to have a son, in addition.
You know, someone to have a nice game of catch with, butâ Sir, you can have a game of catch with me! I've always thought of you as my fa Norm, you're in my light! ther.
Hi, Phineas! What'cha doin'? Well, you know those little spring suction cup things that you push down and you never know when it's gonna pop up in the air? Yeah, what are those things called, anyway? I don't know.
But Ferb and I built a big one! Hey, look! It's one of those things! It's one of those things! Yes! A big one! Everybody in! So, when's it gonna pop? That's the fun part.
You'll never know when it's gonna take off! Hey, where'sâ Hey, where'sâ I don't know what happened, Carl, but our cafeteria officially stinks.
Sir, I don't think you're being fair.
Oh, Mexican food station is gone, Carl.
Vanished! They still have the chili.
Oh, right! Because chili is a perfect substitute for a nice touchy-taco.
It's practically the same thing! Agent P, you're here! Agent P, you're here! Um Our inter-web monitor tells us that Dr.
Doofenshmirtz has been video-conferencing with the other members of the evil organization; L.
O.
V.
E.
M.
U.
F.
F.
I.
N.
It's obvious they're planning something big, but right now we have our hands full with this all cafeteria debacle.
So, get out there and put a stop to it! So, get out there and put a stop to it! Good luck, Agent P.
Carl, we're going off the lot for lunch.
Carl, we're going off the lot for lunch.
Is that allowed, sir? No That was great, Phineas! Yes! Let us do that again! Ferb, let's reset it.
There they go again with their machine, mocking me.
"Oh, hi, I'm Phineas! Ferb and I are building something really bust-worthy!" "Yeah, like what? Like a submarine that'll go into my esophagus?" Candace, what are you doing? Candace, what are you doing? Nothing.
Did you bring the hypnotism stuff? If you mean the pocket watch, then, yes.
Why do you want to do this, Candace? I have to meet Jeremy in the park today, but I can't go unless I get this busting out of my head! But, hypnotism? It's just so 1843 of you.
It's just so 1843 of you.
You know, 1843 when James Braid published the "Rationale of Somnambulism" in which he invented the term "hypnotism", named after the Greek god, Hypnos.
How do you even know that? It's written on your poster.
Apparently, he also invented the comb-over.
Freaky.
Why would I have bought that poster? Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Oh, this is terrible, look at her, look what I've done.
She's been giving me the cold shoulder ever since she overheard something out of context.
Oh, this is like one of those sitcoms where somebody says something that's misconstrued, and the snoopy next door neighbor gets the wrong package delivered after his in-laws come to visit, and somebody has two dates on the same night and they have to paint a white line on the middle of the room But this isn't a sitcom, Perry the Platypus, this is real life.
But this isn't a sitcom, Perry the Platypus, this is real life.
And I'm And I'm the father, and I have to treat her with the respect that she deserves in a caring fatherly fashion.
And I'm the father, and I have to treat her with the respect that she deserves in a caring fatherly fashion.
I'll blast her with one of my inators! Wait here.
You like it, Perry the Platypus? I built it for the 170th anniversary of the Alamo, but I forgot to use it! It makes people forget about what they're thinking right at that moment, I call it the Forget-About-It-inator! It makes people forget about what they're thinking right at that moment, I call it the Forget-About-It-inator! I love that name.
Forget-about-it.
Forget-about-it.
Forget-about-it! Forget-about-it! Forget-about-it! Yeah, how 'bout a handshake? Yeah, how 'bout a handshake? Forget about it! If only I were a real boy.
You are now entering a deep sleep Deep sleep What? Sweet! It's working.
Candace, when you hear the trigger word, um, "holy guacamole", you will no longer have the desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.
Candace, when you hear the trigger word, um, "holy guacamole", you will no longer have the desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.
Candace, when you hear the trigger word, um, "holy guacamole", you will no longer have the desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.
Candace, when you hear the trigger word, um, "holy guacamole", you will no longer have the desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.
Candace, when you hear the trigger word, um, "holy guacamole", you will no longer have the desire to bust Phineas and Ferb.
No more busting my brothers And when you hear "leaping lizards", it will make you return to normal.
And when you hear "leaping lizards", it will make you return to normal.
And when you hear "leaping lizards", it will make you return to normal.
Return to normal Now, when I snap my fingers, you will awaken with no recollection of being hypnotized.
Now, when I snap my fingers, you will awaken with no recollection of being hypnotized.
Now, when I snap my fingers, you will awaken with no recollection of being hypnotized.
Do you understand, Candace? No No? What's not to understand? A brief recap might be helpful Candace, "holy guacamole", no busting.
Candace, "holy guacamole", no busting.
Candace, "holy guacamole", no busting.
"Leaping lizards", back to normal.
"Leaping lizards", back to normal.
I don't know, Stacy.
I don't think it worked.
I still want Phineas and Ferb to go down, downâ I still want Phineas and Ferb to go down, downâ Holy guacamole.
W-What was I talking about? I think you're ready for your date with Jeremy.
Ooh! Who's Jeremy? Uh-oh, I think something went wrong.
I'm just kidding.
Ah! (Song: Real Boy) (He wants to be a real boy) He wants to be a real boy (He wants to be a real boy) Real boy, yeah I'm a lonely orphan robot Just a scrap metal tower A misfired piston Run on squirrel power His galvanized insides can feel no joy He wants to be a real boy I wanna be a real boy! Yeah! Not a titanium toy Don't give my battery flattery What I want is more gray matter-y A brain, some veins, and some arteries! I got a squirrel on a treadmill where my heart should be If I was real You could feel! I could really emote Instead of shorting out whenever he sits on the remote I want a dad A father! Someone I can call pop Someone to take me out for malteds at the soda shop Someone to take me on a fishing trip or teach me how to ride a bike Who'll pat me on the head and ask me "how you doin', tyke?" How you doin', tyke? Oh, I'm fine, all things considered Wanna be a real boy but I don't wanna sound embittered But thanks for asking Seriously! You know what I'd like to do, Candace? I'd like to rent one of those little boats.
Sure, good idea.
Well, great.
Let's go before you, uh Before I rush off to bust Phineas and Ferb? Well Jeremy, I no longer have the desire to bust my brothers.
We can take our time.
Whoa, look at that.
What do you know? Some sort of reptile hopping around.
Hi, little hopping reptile.
Hi, little jumping chameleon.
Hi, little springing salamander.
Leaping lizards! Oh, yeah.
Yeah, funny I didn't think of that one.
Yeah, funny I didn't think of that one.
Candace? Candace? Sorry, Jeremy! I've got to bust my brothers! Ah, that's my girl.
Ah, that's my girl.
Looks like it's just you and me, little galavanting gecko.
Looks like it's just you and me, little galavanting gecko.
Okay, Vanessa.
I just need to take a picture of you because, I love you and I don't need a son.
I just need to take a picture of you because, I love you and I don't need a son.
Did you say something, Dad? What? You're wearing headphones? So, you haven't heard a thing I've said all day? Why do you think I wear the headphones? So, you're not mad at me for saying I'd rather have a son than a daughter like you? What? Oh, nothing, nothing.
Justâ Just put these back on.
There you go.
Whatever.
Well, what about that? She didn't hear me.
I'm still a great dad.
And the sitcom cliché has been resolved.
I guess I didn't need this inator after all.
Say, here's a thought.
Say, here's a thought.
How about if I blast you instead? Sir, I just want you to know I've always thought of you as my father.
Sir, I just want you to know I've always thought of you as my father.
Look, Norm, this is gonna have to wait.
I have to blast Perry the Platypus and I'll be right with you.
There.
Now, who are you? Now, who are you? I am your son! I am your son! I am your son! Yeah! Oh, really? And what's that? Don't worry, Dad, I'll get rid of it.
Don't worry, Dad, I'll get rid of it.
Funny, I don't seem to remember much.
You like playing ball with me, your son.
You like playing ball with me, your son.
Really, I like that? Yes.
What else do I like? Crunchy eggs for breakfast.
I do? Man, what kind of weirdo am I? Phineas and Ferb! Hey, Candace! I'm telling Mom right now.
Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom, you have to come out to the backyard.
Okay, give me a second.
Candace, do you want to go for a ride? Candace, do you want to go for a ride? No, I'm good.
All right, Candace.
What was it you wanted to showâ Crimeny! What is that? Hi, Mom! You see it! You see it! You see it! You see it! Phineas and Ferb are busted for sure.
Where's it going? Oh, it'll come back down in just a little bit.
Just in time for me to get my bust on.
So, what's this thing do? Ooh, look, buttons! Pushy, pushy! Pushy! It comes down, that's great.
We can bust Phineas and Ferb and be done in time for dinner.
So what did you want to show me, Candace? Um, that.
Um, that.
Good heavens! What is that? Like I said, Phineas and Ferb built it, and it'sâ Like I said, Phineas and Ferb built it, and it'sâ Where's it going? Oh, it will be back.
And then it's busting time for sure, right Mom? Alright, Candace.
So, what was it you wanted to show me? This is fun.
Pushy, pushy, push the button.
Sir.
I'm pushing the button.
Sir.
Sir.
All right, Candace.
So, what was it you want to show me? Holy guacamole! What is that? Wait! Why did I leave Jeremy in the park? Oh, there you are, Perry.
Oh, there you are, Perry.
Sir! It's overheating and it could explode.
Hey, wait a minute.
You're not my son.
You're that walking junk pile, Norm.
But, Dad! And I am not your father.
I'm fairly sure about that.
Bu-bu-bu-bu-but! Bu-bu-bu-bu-but! Bu-bu-bu-bu-but! Bu-bu-bu-bu-but! Bu-bu-bu-bu-but! Here, Norm.
Wear these.
It helps.
Thanks, sis! Thanks, sis! No problem, bro.
No problem, bro.
Hey, buddy.
Are you, uh Are you busy? No.
Not really.
You know, Norm, it occurs to me that though I've never had a son, there is someone I can always count on to be there.
You know, Norm, it occurs to me that though I've never had a son, there is someone I can always count on to be there.
Someone I've begun to think of as family.
Yes? And that someone is Perry the Platypus.
See you around, junkpile.
Apology accepted, Dad.
If I was real You could feel! I could really emote Instead of shorting out whenever he sits on the remote I want a dad A father! Someone I can call pop Someone to take me out for malteds at the soda shop Someone to take me on a fishing trip or teach me how to ride a bike Who'll pat me on the head and ask me "how you doin', tyke?" How you doin', tyke? Oh, I'm fine, all things considered Wanna be a real boy but I don't wanna sound embittered But thanks for asking Seriously!