Scorpion (2014) s03e15 Episode Script
Sharknerdo
1 (door opens) PAIGE: (chuckles) Okay.
Well, don't forget your sunblock.
Yeah, I miss you, too.
I'll talk to you tonight.
Okay.
Mwah.
Bye.
That Cabe? Funny.
Tim says hi.
What is this? Mapping grid of the section of the ocean that we're covering today.
Ocean? We're doing the Department of Energy server upgrade today.
Nope.
That job has been postponed indefinitely.
What? I-I spent weeks landing that contract.
And Walt spent minutes dismantling it.
Explanation.
Now.
Well, it's quite simple really.
Our point person at the D.
O.
E.
kept saying he was gonna pay us "A hundred and nine thousand dollars.
" Yeah, that's what we agreed to, $109,000.
Ah-ah-ah, that's not what he said.
Here we go.
He said "A hundred and nine thousand dollars.
" That's a $100 bill and $9,000.
That's substantially less than our fee.
For the love of God, Walter, it's an expression.
Well, "Make haste, not waste" is an expression.
"Penny for your thoughts" is an expression.
"Not playing with a full deck" is an expression! Exactly, but what the D.
O.
E.
rep said was mathematically inaccuracy.
And I told him.
Repeatedly.
I mean, don't people want to better themselves? The irony of that question is completely lost on you, isn't it? Hmm.
I can tell that you're upset, but don't be because I got us a new case.
We are working with a well-funded Marine salvage concern that believes it's found the San Caldera, a Manila galleon that went down in Drakes Bay in 1595 carrying a fortune in gold.
O-Okay, but who is this client, and what are we doing for him? Her.
And Joan Davis found us.
She e-mailed us after reading about our use of echolocation in the bat caves of Arizona and wants us to utilize our tech to find the missing treasure.
We designed a depth-penetrating acoustic gun.
It shoots sound waves into the water that bounce upwards.
Floating hydrophone mics send the readings to our tablets, so we can map the ocean floor debris.
And I rigged the Proton Arnold cabinet so I can control those babies.
PAIGE: Are those? Yep.
Deactivated World War Two torpedoes.
Retrofitted propulsion with wireless control and waterproof cameras so these submersibles can have a look-see at what's in Davey Jones' locker.
CABE: I named 'em Ethel Mer-man and Water Matthau.
No idea who they are.
TOBY: (whistles) Ah! (pirate voice): Perfect cannonball strike.
Is me gang of buccaneers ready to find some precious booty? Argh, looks like I already found me some.
Keep it up, and I'll knee you in your doubloons.
That would send me to the E-Argh! I'm not joking.
(normal voice): Saucy wench, ain't she? Leave me out of it, Captain Schnook.
Walter, it's great that you lined up another gig, but you have to run these things by me.
Paige, do not kibosh this job.
I've been obsessed with pirates since I was a kid.
Treasure Island-- I read that so many times, the binding fell apart.
Makes perfect sense, actually.
Pirate culture fetishizes the thrill of the hunt and the procurement of treasure.
Those are the foundations of gambling addiction.
What is the pay on this job? Uh, we'll be working for a five percent commission.
(pirate voice): No prey, no pay! A contingency agreement? You're not ambulance chasers.
You're geniuses.
Geniuses who better get moving.
So Happy will stay here, drive the robotic submersibles; Sly, you will run point on the mapping.
Let's go.
Gear up.
CABE: Allie.
Glad I caught you.
You left this at my place.
It's a nice excuse to see you again.
(Sylvester clears throat loudly) Cabe, uh, don't you think carousing with the enemy is at cross purposes with your role as my campaign manager? I'm not your enemy.
My boss just insists that I work on his campaign every two years.
And you had nothing to do with the ad that ran that depicted me as a wizard? I bought the airtime.
That's it.
Kid, only a handful of people saw that ad.
A handful of votes is all it'll take to decide this race! I'm sorry.
I am just tense because the West Altadenia Shopper has not announced their endorsement yet, and their reporter will not call me back.
They get lazy because they always endorse Patel.
I'll make sure you get a fair shake.
I'll see you later? Absolutely.
Do you think Zachariah Chandler, campaign manager for Rutherford B.
Hayes, dated the chargé d'affaires for Samuel J.
Tilden in the election of 1876? If he looked like Allie, he damn well should've.
(pirate voice): Let's shove off, me hearties! High seas adventures awaits.
(sighs) Bounty's out there.
I can smell it.
Think that's your cologne.
Oh, you like that? It's got the essence of pirate.
It's called Walk the Stank.
Guys, focus on the task? Oh, yes.
A very long and difficult task which will most likely result in no money because no one knows where the ship or the gold actually is.
That's because they didn't know where to look.
WALTER: Ms.
Davis? You must be Team Scorpion.
You're Joan the Pirate? What were you expecting? I was expecting Indiana Joan, a rapscallion huntress, like Anne Bonny or Mary Read.
Most people think this business is pure excitement.
It's actually extensive research and meticulous calculations.
That sounds exciting to me.
I was quite impressed by your theory that ripple effects of a previously unknown historical tsunami took the Caldera off course.
Thank you.
My contemporaries mock me, but we'll be laughing when we find the gold.
Here are the maps of the areas we'll be searching from our respective boats.
These are our pirate vessels? Sturdy 40-foot fishing vessels.
Just had them serviced.
More than sufficient for our work.
When we find the treasure, I'll call for larger ships with retrieval cranes.
Okay.
Let's get to work.
So, Paige and I will start in the small boat.
The rest of you go with Joan.
We'll start off at the far end of our grids, work our way in, and then meet up at the middle so no fathom goes unsearched.
Great.
I'm not gonna let these pathetic vessels kill my buzz.
The action out on the water will be thrilling.
Exhilarating.
TOBY: Uh.
I've never been so bored in my life.
Mr.
Curtis, I warned you.
This is tedious work.
Shoot the acoustic gun, wait for readings, record the readings, repeat.
That is the job description.
Thought we'd be cutting up treasure.
All I'm doing is cutting cheese.
(beeping) Our hydrophone mics have picked up some more kickback from the acoustic gun.
SYLVESTER: According to acoustic bounceback, it's non-organic solid material.
Happy? I am sending Water Matthau down for a closer look.
Go get 'em, Happy.
HAPPY: Ah, strikeout.
Looks like you're positioned over a rock formation.
I'll re-dock Water Matthau under the boat.
Walter, how come you're not sending me anything? WALTER: I've been asking myself the same thing.
Haven't had a ping in over two hours.
We're only 60 nautical miles from Toby's boat.
There shouldn't be such a discrepancy in the results.
Maybe your equipment's off.
Yeah.
Now that you mention it, my comm's been cutting in and out since we got on the boat.
Well, it is possible that the boat's electronic system is interfering with our tech.
We'll check it out.
Okay.
We might be able to remove the boat's electrical system.
(grunting): That might be able to eliminate the interference.
Oh, smells funny.
Oh, this is an issue.
Joan just had the boat serviced.
The workers didn't tighten the fittings properly, so the fumes made denser air, which made it harder for the electrical signals to operate.
We have to get off this boat.
Here! What's going on? This could spark any moment.
Surrounded by gas.
The boat's gonna explode.
Get in the water! (grunts) (Paige screams) (both panting) Okay? Yeah.
Walter? Uh-huh.
Are you sure the boat's gonna explode? Uh, well, the odds were better than not.
Okay, 'cause I'm looking at "not" right now.
Well, it really is against the odds that nothing would See? I was right.
Scorpion 3x15 Sharknerdo WALTER: You okay? Okay.
Yeah.
Well, the good news is with the ship destroyed, so is the source of electrical interference.
So we use the comms to touch base, tell the guys what happened, and then they come and rescue us.
Yeah, you're gonna have to do that, 'cause my comm is at the bottom of the ocean; it fell out when I jumped.
Oh.
Something tells me your comm's my comm.
That's okay.
The others will eventually realize that something's wrong and come for us hopefully.
I know that look.
That is never good.
Based on the distance that the boat's traveled to reach the perimeter of the grid What? They're over two hours away.
Oh, wonderful.
Okay.
We need a plan, 'cause we can't tread water that long.
And we'll eventually die from hypothermia, so all this debris, it's gonna save our lives.
We're gonna have to build a raft.
Let's go.
TOBY: What do you do with A drunken sailor? What do you do with A drunken sailor? Doc.
What do you do with A drunken sailor? Early in the morning Put him in The longboat Till he gets sober Put him in the longboat Till he gets sober Put him in the longboat Till he gets sober Doc.
Early in the morning.
Toby, I swear to God, I'm gonna grab you by the ankles and swab the deck with your head.
At least that'll give me something to do.
(hydrophone pings) Got a hit.
Sylvester.
Reading.
SYLVESTER: Based on the numbers, and this is exciting, these specs are showing possible organic material, the general length of the Caldera's hull, equally interspersed solid masses.
Those could be the on-deck cannons.
This is the closest match we've seen to the San Caldera all day.
Water Matthau needs a closer look.
He's descending at a 40 degree angle, 20 knots.
Currently 300 feet away.
I have been working towards this moment for the past six years of my life.
I have been bored for the past few hours of my life, so we both got a lot riding on this.
Toby, hold on to your frilly hat.
I see something coming into view.
There she is! The Caldera.
We found it.
I knew I was right.
I'm gonna contact the retrieval crews.
They will be here in the next three and a half hours.
(pirate voice): Arr! There be me booty.
Technically, there be me booty.
There be your five percent.
CABE: Still a sweet payday.
Congratulations, Walter.
Your gamble paid off.
Walter.
Hey, Walt, you there, buddy? Actually, Cabe, Walter and Paige haven't been active on their comms for a few minutes now.
That's weird, 'cause I can't seem to get their submersible to come online.
You sure? Yeah.
Nothing from Ethel Mer-man at all.
Radio silence.
Weird.
Maybe they turned their treasure ship into a love boat.
Know what I'm saying? Open water, no one around, Tim in Qatar HAPPY: Zip it, Toby.
Quit clowning around.
Don't be an idiot.
They're just having some sort of technical issue.
Right, Hap? It's possible that an electrical issue on the boat knocked out the comms and the submersible's signal.
(knocking on door) You go get that.
I'll try to reboot the connection to Ethel Mer-man.
(door opens) Oh.
Hi, Allie.
Cabe's not here.
I know.
I'm here to see you.
I feel bad about the wizard commercial, so I want to make it up to you.
This is Patty Logan.
She's a reporter with the West Altadenia Shopper.
She'd like to interview you.
Hello.
You're a teenager.
I work at the Shopper for school credit, but my age isn't relevant.
Oh.
Okay.
I need to run, but I'll leave you two to discuss the issues.
Good luck, Sylvester.
Okay.
Uh Please, come in.
We are just in the middle of work.
Oh, uh, this might interest you.
We found a sunken ship that's centuries old.
Actually, Mr.
Dodd, I'm here to learn about your platform for alderman.
Now, some say that you're a one-issue candidate who only cares about the fate of his favorite comic book store.
So, setting that topic aside for the moment, can you explain how you'd handle the budget crisis in West Altadenia, when reports are you've yet to request a copy of the city's financials from the town council.
SYLVESTER: Ms.
Logan, I am a genius.
I haven't requested the budget because it would take me less than a few minutes to read it, identify any inefficiencies and then balance it.
Budget not a priority Uh, no, no, no.
That's not what I said.
What I said was Sly, I need you.
Now? Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Reboot didn't work.
No contact with my submersible, and Walter and Paige are still off their comms.
Hmm.
Something's wrong.
Cabe, you need to go find them.
JOAN: I'm sorry, gentlemen, but I'm not leaving this spot because of a communications failure.
I'm sure your crew is fine.
Oh, I don't care if you're sure.
I need to be sure.
Walter O'Brien isn't some flake who just drops out of contact with his team; it's completely out of character.
We need to go find our friends, now.
My call.
Wrong.
This is my boat.
I'm the captain, and under maritime law, you have no control here.
So let me be clear.
I'm not leaving the site of the treasure.
(chuckles) Fair enough.
There are laws.
This is a mutiny! While I'm wearing a pirate hat.
How cool is that? This is a win-win, Joan.
You don't have to leave the Caldera, we can go find our friends.
Okay.
Sat phone, water, some energy bars.
(pirate voice): I doff me hat to you, fair scallywag.
We scurvy dogs must now bid ye farewell.
Now you're down a bar.
How does that help? HAPPY: Toby, quit your grab-ass.
We need to focus.
Okay, Cabe, remember when I helped you soup up that old Pontiac? Let me guess.
We're gonna do that to this boat? I'll walk you through it.
TOBY: Smart idea, Happy.
It's gonna take a while to get to Walter and Paige, and if something's wrong, every second counts.
Ocean isn't a place you want to be lost without communication.
Shoelace should hold for a while.
(exhales) Feels like a vacation compared to treading water.
What are you doing? Taking inventory.
Everything that can help us survive's in this bag, so I need to know exactly what we've got.
All the computing power in the world, and in the middle of the ocean, you can't do a thing with it.
Uh, wrong.
For now, it's a table.
Here.
I am building an astrolabe to help determine our exact position.
Happy already knew the coordinates of our boat before it blew up.
Well, consider this a confirmation.
Or a waste of time.
Determining facts is never a waste of time.
I don't care about facts, but since you love them so much, would you like to hear one? If you hadn't pissed off the Department of Energy rep, if you could've just accepted that some people say "one hundred and nine thousand" instead of "one hundred nine thousand" It was inaccurate.
we could've been working a nice, landlocked, dry job, instead of floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on a leaky raft.
So let me ask you.
Was it, was it worth being right? Yes.
MAN: Dispatching a vessel now, Seven Seas.
Over.
Okay.
Thank you.
All right.
The Coast Guard's gonna send out a team, but their ship is further away than we are.
Hey, Happy.
I don't see anything.
Are we getting close? Less than a mile out from your last logged location.
SYLVESTER: You should be seeing them any second.
CABE: Hey, Toby, bear right.
I see something up ahead.
That's got to be them.
(pirate voice): Aye, Captain.
Starboard ho.
Oh, my God.
What do you see? CABE: Pieces of their boat.
Nothing else.
PAIGE: They should've found us by now.
A high probability they have-- should've discovered the boat wreckage right about now.
Yeah.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but there's no boat on the horizon.
That's because we're nowhere near the wreckage.
What are you What are you talking about? Debris can't be more than 50 yards in any direction.
We've just, we've just been bobbing here.
Well, it just feels that way.
The astrolabe uses the sun's position to measure latitude, so according to it, we are over 20 miles from the site of the explosion.
That's impossible.
Current can be deceiving.
They won't know where to find us.
Why didn't you tell me this earlier? 'Cause you said you weren't interested in facts.
Are you kidding me? You're acting like the flow of the current is my fault.
No.
I'm acting like the fact is we're going to die out here.
We could drown.
We could starve.
We could dehydrate.
There are a hundred and fifty thousand different ways we could kick the bucket.
That's how I'm acting.
One hundred fifty thousand.
(groans): Oh, my (groans) I studied detailed images of Walter's ship, and the bad news is, half the boat and what's left of Ethel Mer-man are at the bottom of the ocean.
Must've been an explosion.
What's the good news? I've scanned every inch of this thing, and there's no sign of bodies.
Not to be morbid, but if they were blown to bits, there'd be, well, bits.
And that would've attracted scavengers of the sea, and there's none of that here.
That means that Walter and Paige are still alive.
Oh, man.
They're drifting.
On what? If it was me, I would've engineered some kind of makeshift raft out of the debris, tied it together with shoelaces and cable from the hydrophones.
Walt probably did the same.
We're in the North Pacific Gyre current.
It's large and swirling and occupies the northern basin of the Pacific.
How do you know that? I was a Marine.
As in mariner, maritime, related to the sea? I don't like Condescending Cabe.
According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, the movement of northern waters southward plus the upwelling of colder sub-surface water makes the coastal current stronger.
Well, what does that mean about their location? It means that from where you are now, the last place that we knew they were alive, they are most likely (sighs) dozens of miles out, in any direction.
PATTY: This is an incredible story.
Can you tell me how you're feeling right now? How do you plan to find your friends? I'm sorry, uh, I have to focus.
Happy, we need to figure out a plan to narrow the 360 degree range that they could be in.
If only we had Walt's brain right now.
You know that song Toby likes, "Brandy," about the girl who's a-a waitress in a harbor town? Uh, by all accounts, she was quite the catch, but the man in the song wouldn't marry her because he loved the sea so much that he couldn't be away from it.
He was an idiot.
I have faith that our team will find us, so, you know, optimism.
I-I find it confusing that (chuckles) you are giving me the silent treatment, when the truth is, you are more to blame for our current situation than I am.
What? You heard me.
You must have sun stroke.
Oh, you know, I-I have fact stroke.
Fact: I'm afflicted with low EQ.
Oh, tell me something I don't know.
Fact: As a result, I often can't connect with humans.
And how.
Fact: despite knowing all that, you still abandoned me.
You still let me deal with people like the Department of Energy rep when you know I shouldn't! Abandoned you? Please, Paige.
You know, I-I might have no EQ, but I am more than capable of picking up when someone is trying to distance themselves from me.
It happened at school when kids could tell that I was different, I felt it with my parents, and now, then then i-it happened with you.
Walter You have completely cut me loose these past weeks.
Completely missing in action when I need you.
Walter, I No, I I understand that eventually I can be too much for most humans, but I thought I thought that you were different.
I thought that we were friends.
(sighs) You're right, I I did distance myself from you on purpose.
But it's not because I don't like you anymore.
It was part of a plan to let you sink or swim, to see if I wanted to see if you could get to another level of EQ on your own, to see if you could grow without me holding your hand, because I believe you can.
So you decided to run an emotional experiment on me? No, no, that's not how I looked at it.
It's your job to hold my hand.
That's why you're on Scorpion.
I should dock your pay.
I wanted to believe that my work with you these last three years haven't been wasted, that if you fell, you could get up on your own without me there to pick you up and dust you off.
Shh.
Quiet.
Don't tell me to be quiet.
No, no, no.
Listen, listen.
(bell clanging faintly) Wait.
Is that a Is that a bell? It's got to be a high-end acoustic buoy.
If we can get to it, I might be able to hack the wireless relay box, and send out an S.
O.
S.
Now, the trick is picking it up with the naked eye in the middle of the ocean.
Wait.
No, we won't have to.
What? Your reading glasses? At Ralph's last Forestry Braves meeting, they taught us how to make a telescope out of a lens and a paper towel tube.
We just have to find Ah! This PVC pipe should do.
Good thinking.
Now I will fashion oars from this wood over here.
But it will weaken the raft substantially, so we better find that buoy.
You see anything? Uh, yeah.
A lot of water.
Wait, over there.
Something just a few miles, tops.
Time to paddle.
SYLVESTER: The currents are too mixed and unpredictable to narrow down which direction they drifted.
There are too many variables.
Well, the constant is Walt and Paige floating around on a raft.
That's it! The raft.
Happy, can you pull up the film of their wreckage? Tell me why I'm doing this.
Well, look at the blown-out back of the boat.
What kind of material do you think that's made out of? Treated cedar on the deck, thermoplastic fiberglass-- both float well.
And some PVC pipes floating under the plumbing system.
Okay, start calculating the ballpark buoyancy force numbers for those materials, and throw in some floatation cushions and some pieces of life vests.
Hold on, are you saying you can figure out where your friends are based on the scraps they used to build a raft? I'm saying if we figure out the general weight and buoyancy of those materials, we can plug those numbers into an algebraic function to predict how the current would have treated them, and then we can find the general area.
Slow down.
Say it all again, but not so many big words this time.
(chuckles) I'm sorry, but you got to go.
No, wait, this is a great story.
It's not a story, it's my friends' lives.
We haven't even gotten to the interview yet.
I don't even have a single quote from you.
Well, here's this.
Candidate says, "Beat it.
" But, Mr.
Dodd Sly, I got the buoyancy data! Let's do some math.
Still nothing, Doc.
I'm starting to get real scared here.
My whole life, I wanted a chance to be a swashbuckling hero.
Now our friends need us, I'm just a schmuck on a boat with no idea how to save them.
SYLVESTER: Not anymore.
Now you are a schmuck with an idea.
We ran the numbers based on the estimated weight of Walter, Paige and the raft.
We accounted for buoyancy and the current differential Just tell them where the hell they are.
Uh, right, okay.
Based on my calculations, they should be 30 degrees east of the wind flow.
(pirate voice): Me bicorne! All right, wind's blowing southwest.
Okay, then turn the boat 30 degrees east of the southwesterly winds.
We're on our way.
(buoy bell clanging) I'm gonna jump on first, okay? Okay.
Great.
(grunts) Come on.
Oh, wait.
Whoa, whoa, here, here.
I'm drifting.
You got it.
Whew! Okay.
Oh, God.
I never thought we'd make it.
Tie this up.
You got it? Yeah.
(grunts) Okay.
Here.
Thanks.
Hold on while I get online.
Okay.
Now, these buoys allow scientists to monitor ocean patterns in real time.
So I'm gonna use the Wi-Fi transmitter to send a signal to the shore.
Ah, from these markings, it's a Danish lab outpost.
Oh.
I hope whoever's monitoring it speaks English.
(chuckles) Okay, I'm into their system.
(loud bang) (buoy bell clanging) Wow, that was a big current.
Uh, Paige? Yeah? That wasn't a current that just struck us.
- We're gonna need a bigger buoy.
- Mm-hmm.
(buoy bell clanging) Hold on, hold on.
(thud) Oh, God! Oh, my God.
You okay? Oh, no.
Oh, no.
This is very bad.
He snapped the cable.
Even if he doesn't come back, we have no ride off this buoy.
Yeah, he's turned around and coming back at us.
Okay, hold on.
(thud, bell clanging) Oh, oh, oh! (panting) I'm gonna send out an S.
O.
S.
signal.
You have to stop the shark from knocking this tablet, or worse yet us, into the water.
How do I do that? Sharks have intense neural ganglion in the center of their snouts.
Here, use that oar to whack him on his next pass.
That'll disorient him, and that'll buy me enough time to set up the tablet and get the message out.
That's the plan-- you want me to punch a shark in the nose? He-He's circling back.
Here, grab the oar.
This more than makes up for the pay you were going to dock me.
Okay, here he comes.
Oh, God.
It worked! We're into the satellite signal.
Uh, found a communications interface.
Sending the message, and then done.
Great, let's just hope who finds it can actually help us.
(rapid beeping) (Danish accent): Bernhard? D-876.
Got it.
Thank you.
Uh, yes, it's a real election.
Alderman of West Altadenia-- Look, I got to go.
According to some confused Danish scientists, Walter and Paige are at the buoy D-876.
Those are the coordinates.
Okay, guys, you're already headed in the right direction, and you're closer than the Coast Guard.
Just need to slightly adjust course three degrees west.
We're on it.
Eyes peeled for a yellow buoy with people clinging to it.
Shouldn't be more than a few of those.
SYLVESTER: And, Cabe, you said only a handful of people watched Patel's ad, but guess what-- it made it to Denmark.
Denmark! (thud) Walter! I think he's pissed about the punch to the nose.
Well, sharks are intelligent; they have a sixth sense called electrosensory perception to track their You were gonna say "prey.
" Ah (thud) (gasps) (shrieks) That was too close, Walter.
I have faith in Scorpion.
Besides, from a logical standpoint, the odds are pretty slim that things could get any worse.
(thud) (both gasp) Holy cow, things just got worse.
How? After the Danish scientists called, I hacked their system to monitor any readings that their buoy might receive that could help us with our rescue-- like the changes in current or wave cap heights, stuff like that.
So what's the problem? Problem is they don't study the ocean.
They study what lives inside the ocean.
Specifically, migratory patterns.
Migratory patterns of what? (buoy bell clanging) (gasping) I think he's bringing his friends! Actually, you know, a group of sharks is called a "frenzy.
" Walter, who gives a crap?! Sharks? Are you kidding me? A frenzy of them.
A group of sharks is called a "frenzy.
" Who gives a crap?! Hundred yards ahead! I can see the buoy, and Walter and Paige! And sharks, lots and lots of sharks.
Punch it, Gallo.
Walter, they're closing in! (gasping) (thud) The impact of multiple sharks is gonna be exponentially worse than just one, so brace yourself.
(thud) I think we spoke too soon.
Hey! Hey, hey! TOBY: They see us! We did it! We're heroes of the high seas! (pirate voice): Keep the wind at our backs, and take this girl to port, Cap'n.
(engine sputtering) (hissing) What the hell? Oh, this isn't happening.
What isn't happening? TOBY: The boat's engine blew, and we're still about 50 yards from the buoy.
Not good! When we souped it up, we must've pushed its limits.
It's toast.
No, Walter and Paige are toast if they can't get to them! (thud, bell clanging) Hey, what's happening? Why aren't they coming to get us? WALTER: Uh, I see smoke.
The boat must've died.
Yeah, well, speaking of dying, we can't hold on much longer; this buoy's gonna tip.
You were a lifeguard, right? Uh, in summers when I was a teenager.
Why? I'm gonna swim for the raft.
The flailing will attract the sharks.
No.
Shark's worst sense is their eyesight.
They'll circle me to try and figure me out before attacking.
It'll give me time.
Now, as soon as I hit the water, you dive in and head for the boat.
Walter, no.
Even if you make it to the raft, they will tear that thing apart in seconds.
You said it yourself.
Eventually, this buoy gets tipped over, and I can't have you on it when that happens.
Walter As flawed as I am, I'm still a better person than before we met, thanks to you.
Now go! Walter! They're making a break for the boat.
No, only Paige is.
Walt's trying to get to the raft.
He's never gonna make it.
He's chum in the water.
Grab my hand! (panting): Walter is Walter is In big trouble.
Those sharks are circling him; they're figuring him out.
Once they figure out he's lunch, it's all over.
(panting) I'm not gonna make it.
Not gonna not gonna make it.
What the? (shouts) It's Water Matthau! Cabe and Toby, get ready to receive your cargo.
Thank you, Happy! Here he comes.
So do the sharks.
Uh, Happy, sharks top out at 35 miles per hour.
Can you goose Mr.
Matthau, please? HAPPY: It's been straining to keep up with your boat for hours.
40 miles per hour is all he's got.
And I got to slow it down so that Walter can get on the boat.
You slow that thing down, the sharks will be all over him! And the torpedo wake is agitating them.
I have an idea.
Hurry! Hurry, Happy! What the hell are you doing? Swashbuckling! (shouts) (Toby grunting) Yes! Yes! (Walter groans) Thanks for the lift.
What's with the knife? I'm a super-cool pirate.
I got seaweed in my eye.
Dropped me cheese knife.
(chuckles) Huh? A little hot cocoa should warm the weary bones of you seafarers.
How is your eye? Little seaweed never hurt Blackbeard.
It ain't gonna slow this hardened Jolly Roger.
Oh, baby marshmallows.
I love those.
HAPPY: Almost forgot.
This came in from Joan Davis while you were heading back into shore.
Pieces of eight! PAIGE: Chocolate coins? What the? "Dear Team Scorpion, you're in breach of contract.
"Section B2 clearly states that your team "was to provide tech support "until the moment of retrieval.
"You made your choice to abandon the treasure, "so you are entitled to no contingency fee.
Sincerely, Joan Davis.
" Hmm.
But sh-she's right.
We did breach contract.
To save you guys, it was worth it.
Plus, we can license the tech we designed to other maritime exploration concerns.
No matter how you slice it, she absconded with me booty.
This sucks.
Pretty disappointed, huh? I wanted treasure.
I got chocolate.
Yeah, about the whole Captain Hook thing.
Pirates chase treasure.
Gamblers chase money.
It's the chase that gives them the high.
Boy howdy, it does.
So what if it's the chase that's kept you on your toes with me? Once we're married, the chase is over, the high is over, and then you'll get bored.
Happy Quinn, you're showing an adorable pang of insecurity right now.
My angst makes you feel good? No, no.
The fact that you love me enough to worry about losing me makes me feel good.
Look me in the eye.
Uh, the good one.
You are the treasure that I've been hunting for my whole life.
And-and you, frankly, are such a tough nut to crack that the chase is never really over.
You keep me on my heels.
I'm never gonna be bored by you.
Good.
Keep the hat the eye patch for the honeymoon.
Ahoy, matey.
Hey.
Hey yourself.
You ready? Reservation's in 20 minutes.
Let me grab my coat.
Sylvester.
I spoke with Patty.
I bet you did.
Congratulations.
You got the endorsement and the votes and the election.
I think you and Patty had very different takes on your meeting.
It's an early edition of the paper.
"West Altadenia Shopper endorses Sylvester Dodd.
" CABE: Really? That's the biggest upset since Ali/Foreman in '74.
I have no idea who that is, but this is amazing news.
Thank you.
I'm sorry I doubted you.
"Sylvester Dodd is a candidate who cares more about the people "that are counting on him than making sure "he looks good to the press.
"He has the kind of character that will make him a fine representative.
" Congratulations.
You earned it.
Good work, kiddo.
(door opens, closes) Hey.
Hey.
I-I wanted to thank you.
What you did on that buoy (chuckles): was insane.
I-I would have made it to the raft.
Oh, uh, don't think so.
And it's not really the point.
Well, it was the least I could do.
I owed you.
Owed me? For what? For, uh for letting me sink or swim.
See, at first, I was I was mad at you because I-I didn't understand why you would do that to me.
Mm-hmm.
But then I realized that you did it for me.
I've never had anyone who cared about my emotional development before, someone who'd try different things to help me.
But you care.
And, um sometimes caring means tough love.
So I owed you, so I jumped in.
An extreme way of paying off debts, but I don't think you owed me.
Walter, can I be honest? Mm, of course.
You're the most honest person I know.
Okay.
Here goes.
I-I tried being mad at you for the whole Tim thing, and that just well, it felt crummy.
So I have an idea.
I'd I'd like for us just to acknowledge that we're great friends, special friends, who care deeply about each other, the-the kind of friends who'd do anything for each other, including risk their lives.
That's That's accurate and logical.
Yeah.
I like it.
Great.
Um, we can put any recent tension behind us.
Agreed.
Yeah.
(slaps legs) So, friend (chuckles) uh, what do you have planned for tonight? I'm just gonna like, Skype with Tim.
You? I w-worked up a list of clients that I've recently offended; I was gonna try to, uh, apologize to them.
Using the-the skills that you taught me.
Okay.
You know what, um, I could, I could Skype with Tim tomorrow.
How-how about we make those calls together, and I can help you through any rough spots? I'd like that.
Okay.
Can I see? Yeah.
Here you are.
Thanks.
Well, don't forget your sunblock.
Yeah, I miss you, too.
I'll talk to you tonight.
Okay.
Mwah.
Bye.
That Cabe? Funny.
Tim says hi.
What is this? Mapping grid of the section of the ocean that we're covering today.
Ocean? We're doing the Department of Energy server upgrade today.
Nope.
That job has been postponed indefinitely.
What? I-I spent weeks landing that contract.
And Walt spent minutes dismantling it.
Explanation.
Now.
Well, it's quite simple really.
Our point person at the D.
O.
E.
kept saying he was gonna pay us "A hundred and nine thousand dollars.
" Yeah, that's what we agreed to, $109,000.
Ah-ah-ah, that's not what he said.
Here we go.
He said "A hundred and nine thousand dollars.
" That's a $100 bill and $9,000.
That's substantially less than our fee.
For the love of God, Walter, it's an expression.
Well, "Make haste, not waste" is an expression.
"Penny for your thoughts" is an expression.
"Not playing with a full deck" is an expression! Exactly, but what the D.
O.
E.
rep said was mathematically inaccuracy.
And I told him.
Repeatedly.
I mean, don't people want to better themselves? The irony of that question is completely lost on you, isn't it? Hmm.
I can tell that you're upset, but don't be because I got us a new case.
We are working with a well-funded Marine salvage concern that believes it's found the San Caldera, a Manila galleon that went down in Drakes Bay in 1595 carrying a fortune in gold.
O-Okay, but who is this client, and what are we doing for him? Her.
And Joan Davis found us.
She e-mailed us after reading about our use of echolocation in the bat caves of Arizona and wants us to utilize our tech to find the missing treasure.
We designed a depth-penetrating acoustic gun.
It shoots sound waves into the water that bounce upwards.
Floating hydrophone mics send the readings to our tablets, so we can map the ocean floor debris.
And I rigged the Proton Arnold cabinet so I can control those babies.
PAIGE: Are those? Yep.
Deactivated World War Two torpedoes.
Retrofitted propulsion with wireless control and waterproof cameras so these submersibles can have a look-see at what's in Davey Jones' locker.
CABE: I named 'em Ethel Mer-man and Water Matthau.
No idea who they are.
TOBY: (whistles) Ah! (pirate voice): Perfect cannonball strike.
Is me gang of buccaneers ready to find some precious booty? Argh, looks like I already found me some.
Keep it up, and I'll knee you in your doubloons.
That would send me to the E-Argh! I'm not joking.
(normal voice): Saucy wench, ain't she? Leave me out of it, Captain Schnook.
Walter, it's great that you lined up another gig, but you have to run these things by me.
Paige, do not kibosh this job.
I've been obsessed with pirates since I was a kid.
Treasure Island-- I read that so many times, the binding fell apart.
Makes perfect sense, actually.
Pirate culture fetishizes the thrill of the hunt and the procurement of treasure.
Those are the foundations of gambling addiction.
What is the pay on this job? Uh, we'll be working for a five percent commission.
(pirate voice): No prey, no pay! A contingency agreement? You're not ambulance chasers.
You're geniuses.
Geniuses who better get moving.
So Happy will stay here, drive the robotic submersibles; Sly, you will run point on the mapping.
Let's go.
Gear up.
CABE: Allie.
Glad I caught you.
You left this at my place.
It's a nice excuse to see you again.
(Sylvester clears throat loudly) Cabe, uh, don't you think carousing with the enemy is at cross purposes with your role as my campaign manager? I'm not your enemy.
My boss just insists that I work on his campaign every two years.
And you had nothing to do with the ad that ran that depicted me as a wizard? I bought the airtime.
That's it.
Kid, only a handful of people saw that ad.
A handful of votes is all it'll take to decide this race! I'm sorry.
I am just tense because the West Altadenia Shopper has not announced their endorsement yet, and their reporter will not call me back.
They get lazy because they always endorse Patel.
I'll make sure you get a fair shake.
I'll see you later? Absolutely.
Do you think Zachariah Chandler, campaign manager for Rutherford B.
Hayes, dated the chargé d'affaires for Samuel J.
Tilden in the election of 1876? If he looked like Allie, he damn well should've.
(pirate voice): Let's shove off, me hearties! High seas adventures awaits.
(sighs) Bounty's out there.
I can smell it.
Think that's your cologne.
Oh, you like that? It's got the essence of pirate.
It's called Walk the Stank.
Guys, focus on the task? Oh, yes.
A very long and difficult task which will most likely result in no money because no one knows where the ship or the gold actually is.
That's because they didn't know where to look.
WALTER: Ms.
Davis? You must be Team Scorpion.
You're Joan the Pirate? What were you expecting? I was expecting Indiana Joan, a rapscallion huntress, like Anne Bonny or Mary Read.
Most people think this business is pure excitement.
It's actually extensive research and meticulous calculations.
That sounds exciting to me.
I was quite impressed by your theory that ripple effects of a previously unknown historical tsunami took the Caldera off course.
Thank you.
My contemporaries mock me, but we'll be laughing when we find the gold.
Here are the maps of the areas we'll be searching from our respective boats.
These are our pirate vessels? Sturdy 40-foot fishing vessels.
Just had them serviced.
More than sufficient for our work.
When we find the treasure, I'll call for larger ships with retrieval cranes.
Okay.
Let's get to work.
So, Paige and I will start in the small boat.
The rest of you go with Joan.
We'll start off at the far end of our grids, work our way in, and then meet up at the middle so no fathom goes unsearched.
Great.
I'm not gonna let these pathetic vessels kill my buzz.
The action out on the water will be thrilling.
Exhilarating.
TOBY: Uh.
I've never been so bored in my life.
Mr.
Curtis, I warned you.
This is tedious work.
Shoot the acoustic gun, wait for readings, record the readings, repeat.
That is the job description.
Thought we'd be cutting up treasure.
All I'm doing is cutting cheese.
(beeping) Our hydrophone mics have picked up some more kickback from the acoustic gun.
SYLVESTER: According to acoustic bounceback, it's non-organic solid material.
Happy? I am sending Water Matthau down for a closer look.
Go get 'em, Happy.
HAPPY: Ah, strikeout.
Looks like you're positioned over a rock formation.
I'll re-dock Water Matthau under the boat.
Walter, how come you're not sending me anything? WALTER: I've been asking myself the same thing.
Haven't had a ping in over two hours.
We're only 60 nautical miles from Toby's boat.
There shouldn't be such a discrepancy in the results.
Maybe your equipment's off.
Yeah.
Now that you mention it, my comm's been cutting in and out since we got on the boat.
Well, it is possible that the boat's electronic system is interfering with our tech.
We'll check it out.
Okay.
We might be able to remove the boat's electrical system.
(grunting): That might be able to eliminate the interference.
Oh, smells funny.
Oh, this is an issue.
Joan just had the boat serviced.
The workers didn't tighten the fittings properly, so the fumes made denser air, which made it harder for the electrical signals to operate.
We have to get off this boat.
Here! What's going on? This could spark any moment.
Surrounded by gas.
The boat's gonna explode.
Get in the water! (grunts) (Paige screams) (both panting) Okay? Yeah.
Walter? Uh-huh.
Are you sure the boat's gonna explode? Uh, well, the odds were better than not.
Okay, 'cause I'm looking at "not" right now.
Well, it really is against the odds that nothing would See? I was right.
Scorpion 3x15 Sharknerdo WALTER: You okay? Okay.
Yeah.
Well, the good news is with the ship destroyed, so is the source of electrical interference.
So we use the comms to touch base, tell the guys what happened, and then they come and rescue us.
Yeah, you're gonna have to do that, 'cause my comm is at the bottom of the ocean; it fell out when I jumped.
Oh.
Something tells me your comm's my comm.
That's okay.
The others will eventually realize that something's wrong and come for us hopefully.
I know that look.
That is never good.
Based on the distance that the boat's traveled to reach the perimeter of the grid What? They're over two hours away.
Oh, wonderful.
Okay.
We need a plan, 'cause we can't tread water that long.
And we'll eventually die from hypothermia, so all this debris, it's gonna save our lives.
We're gonna have to build a raft.
Let's go.
TOBY: What do you do with A drunken sailor? What do you do with A drunken sailor? Doc.
What do you do with A drunken sailor? Early in the morning Put him in The longboat Till he gets sober Put him in the longboat Till he gets sober Put him in the longboat Till he gets sober Doc.
Early in the morning.
Toby, I swear to God, I'm gonna grab you by the ankles and swab the deck with your head.
At least that'll give me something to do.
(hydrophone pings) Got a hit.
Sylvester.
Reading.
SYLVESTER: Based on the numbers, and this is exciting, these specs are showing possible organic material, the general length of the Caldera's hull, equally interspersed solid masses.
Those could be the on-deck cannons.
This is the closest match we've seen to the San Caldera all day.
Water Matthau needs a closer look.
He's descending at a 40 degree angle, 20 knots.
Currently 300 feet away.
I have been working towards this moment for the past six years of my life.
I have been bored for the past few hours of my life, so we both got a lot riding on this.
Toby, hold on to your frilly hat.
I see something coming into view.
There she is! The Caldera.
We found it.
I knew I was right.
I'm gonna contact the retrieval crews.
They will be here in the next three and a half hours.
(pirate voice): Arr! There be me booty.
Technically, there be me booty.
There be your five percent.
CABE: Still a sweet payday.
Congratulations, Walter.
Your gamble paid off.
Walter.
Hey, Walt, you there, buddy? Actually, Cabe, Walter and Paige haven't been active on their comms for a few minutes now.
That's weird, 'cause I can't seem to get their submersible to come online.
You sure? Yeah.
Nothing from Ethel Mer-man at all.
Radio silence.
Weird.
Maybe they turned their treasure ship into a love boat.
Know what I'm saying? Open water, no one around, Tim in Qatar HAPPY: Zip it, Toby.
Quit clowning around.
Don't be an idiot.
They're just having some sort of technical issue.
Right, Hap? It's possible that an electrical issue on the boat knocked out the comms and the submersible's signal.
(knocking on door) You go get that.
I'll try to reboot the connection to Ethel Mer-man.
(door opens) Oh.
Hi, Allie.
Cabe's not here.
I know.
I'm here to see you.
I feel bad about the wizard commercial, so I want to make it up to you.
This is Patty Logan.
She's a reporter with the West Altadenia Shopper.
She'd like to interview you.
Hello.
You're a teenager.
I work at the Shopper for school credit, but my age isn't relevant.
Oh.
Okay.
I need to run, but I'll leave you two to discuss the issues.
Good luck, Sylvester.
Okay.
Uh Please, come in.
We are just in the middle of work.
Oh, uh, this might interest you.
We found a sunken ship that's centuries old.
Actually, Mr.
Dodd, I'm here to learn about your platform for alderman.
Now, some say that you're a one-issue candidate who only cares about the fate of his favorite comic book store.
So, setting that topic aside for the moment, can you explain how you'd handle the budget crisis in West Altadenia, when reports are you've yet to request a copy of the city's financials from the town council.
SYLVESTER: Ms.
Logan, I am a genius.
I haven't requested the budget because it would take me less than a few minutes to read it, identify any inefficiencies and then balance it.
Budget not a priority Uh, no, no, no.
That's not what I said.
What I said was Sly, I need you.
Now? Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Reboot didn't work.
No contact with my submersible, and Walter and Paige are still off their comms.
Hmm.
Something's wrong.
Cabe, you need to go find them.
JOAN: I'm sorry, gentlemen, but I'm not leaving this spot because of a communications failure.
I'm sure your crew is fine.
Oh, I don't care if you're sure.
I need to be sure.
Walter O'Brien isn't some flake who just drops out of contact with his team; it's completely out of character.
We need to go find our friends, now.
My call.
Wrong.
This is my boat.
I'm the captain, and under maritime law, you have no control here.
So let me be clear.
I'm not leaving the site of the treasure.
(chuckles) Fair enough.
There are laws.
This is a mutiny! While I'm wearing a pirate hat.
How cool is that? This is a win-win, Joan.
You don't have to leave the Caldera, we can go find our friends.
Okay.
Sat phone, water, some energy bars.
(pirate voice): I doff me hat to you, fair scallywag.
We scurvy dogs must now bid ye farewell.
Now you're down a bar.
How does that help? HAPPY: Toby, quit your grab-ass.
We need to focus.
Okay, Cabe, remember when I helped you soup up that old Pontiac? Let me guess.
We're gonna do that to this boat? I'll walk you through it.
TOBY: Smart idea, Happy.
It's gonna take a while to get to Walter and Paige, and if something's wrong, every second counts.
Ocean isn't a place you want to be lost without communication.
Shoelace should hold for a while.
(exhales) Feels like a vacation compared to treading water.
What are you doing? Taking inventory.
Everything that can help us survive's in this bag, so I need to know exactly what we've got.
All the computing power in the world, and in the middle of the ocean, you can't do a thing with it.
Uh, wrong.
For now, it's a table.
Here.
I am building an astrolabe to help determine our exact position.
Happy already knew the coordinates of our boat before it blew up.
Well, consider this a confirmation.
Or a waste of time.
Determining facts is never a waste of time.
I don't care about facts, but since you love them so much, would you like to hear one? If you hadn't pissed off the Department of Energy rep, if you could've just accepted that some people say "one hundred and nine thousand" instead of "one hundred nine thousand" It was inaccurate.
we could've been working a nice, landlocked, dry job, instead of floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on a leaky raft.
So let me ask you.
Was it, was it worth being right? Yes.
MAN: Dispatching a vessel now, Seven Seas.
Over.
Okay.
Thank you.
All right.
The Coast Guard's gonna send out a team, but their ship is further away than we are.
Hey, Happy.
I don't see anything.
Are we getting close? Less than a mile out from your last logged location.
SYLVESTER: You should be seeing them any second.
CABE: Hey, Toby, bear right.
I see something up ahead.
That's got to be them.
(pirate voice): Aye, Captain.
Starboard ho.
Oh, my God.
What do you see? CABE: Pieces of their boat.
Nothing else.
PAIGE: They should've found us by now.
A high probability they have-- should've discovered the boat wreckage right about now.
Yeah.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but there's no boat on the horizon.
That's because we're nowhere near the wreckage.
What are you What are you talking about? Debris can't be more than 50 yards in any direction.
We've just, we've just been bobbing here.
Well, it just feels that way.
The astrolabe uses the sun's position to measure latitude, so according to it, we are over 20 miles from the site of the explosion.
That's impossible.
Current can be deceiving.
They won't know where to find us.
Why didn't you tell me this earlier? 'Cause you said you weren't interested in facts.
Are you kidding me? You're acting like the flow of the current is my fault.
No.
I'm acting like the fact is we're going to die out here.
We could drown.
We could starve.
We could dehydrate.
There are a hundred and fifty thousand different ways we could kick the bucket.
That's how I'm acting.
One hundred fifty thousand.
(groans): Oh, my (groans) I studied detailed images of Walter's ship, and the bad news is, half the boat and what's left of Ethel Mer-man are at the bottom of the ocean.
Must've been an explosion.
What's the good news? I've scanned every inch of this thing, and there's no sign of bodies.
Not to be morbid, but if they were blown to bits, there'd be, well, bits.
And that would've attracted scavengers of the sea, and there's none of that here.
That means that Walter and Paige are still alive.
Oh, man.
They're drifting.
On what? If it was me, I would've engineered some kind of makeshift raft out of the debris, tied it together with shoelaces and cable from the hydrophones.
Walt probably did the same.
We're in the North Pacific Gyre current.
It's large and swirling and occupies the northern basin of the Pacific.
How do you know that? I was a Marine.
As in mariner, maritime, related to the sea? I don't like Condescending Cabe.
According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, the movement of northern waters southward plus the upwelling of colder sub-surface water makes the coastal current stronger.
Well, what does that mean about their location? It means that from where you are now, the last place that we knew they were alive, they are most likely (sighs) dozens of miles out, in any direction.
PATTY: This is an incredible story.
Can you tell me how you're feeling right now? How do you plan to find your friends? I'm sorry, uh, I have to focus.
Happy, we need to figure out a plan to narrow the 360 degree range that they could be in.
If only we had Walt's brain right now.
You know that song Toby likes, "Brandy," about the girl who's a-a waitress in a harbor town? Uh, by all accounts, she was quite the catch, but the man in the song wouldn't marry her because he loved the sea so much that he couldn't be away from it.
He was an idiot.
I have faith that our team will find us, so, you know, optimism.
I-I find it confusing that (chuckles) you are giving me the silent treatment, when the truth is, you are more to blame for our current situation than I am.
What? You heard me.
You must have sun stroke.
Oh, you know, I-I have fact stroke.
Fact: I'm afflicted with low EQ.
Oh, tell me something I don't know.
Fact: As a result, I often can't connect with humans.
And how.
Fact: despite knowing all that, you still abandoned me.
You still let me deal with people like the Department of Energy rep when you know I shouldn't! Abandoned you? Please, Paige.
You know, I-I might have no EQ, but I am more than capable of picking up when someone is trying to distance themselves from me.
It happened at school when kids could tell that I was different, I felt it with my parents, and now, then then i-it happened with you.
Walter You have completely cut me loose these past weeks.
Completely missing in action when I need you.
Walter, I No, I I understand that eventually I can be too much for most humans, but I thought I thought that you were different.
I thought that we were friends.
(sighs) You're right, I I did distance myself from you on purpose.
But it's not because I don't like you anymore.
It was part of a plan to let you sink or swim, to see if I wanted to see if you could get to another level of EQ on your own, to see if you could grow without me holding your hand, because I believe you can.
So you decided to run an emotional experiment on me? No, no, that's not how I looked at it.
It's your job to hold my hand.
That's why you're on Scorpion.
I should dock your pay.
I wanted to believe that my work with you these last three years haven't been wasted, that if you fell, you could get up on your own without me there to pick you up and dust you off.
Shh.
Quiet.
Don't tell me to be quiet.
No, no, no.
Listen, listen.
(bell clanging faintly) Wait.
Is that a Is that a bell? It's got to be a high-end acoustic buoy.
If we can get to it, I might be able to hack the wireless relay box, and send out an S.
O.
S.
Now, the trick is picking it up with the naked eye in the middle of the ocean.
Wait.
No, we won't have to.
What? Your reading glasses? At Ralph's last Forestry Braves meeting, they taught us how to make a telescope out of a lens and a paper towel tube.
We just have to find Ah! This PVC pipe should do.
Good thinking.
Now I will fashion oars from this wood over here.
But it will weaken the raft substantially, so we better find that buoy.
You see anything? Uh, yeah.
A lot of water.
Wait, over there.
Something just a few miles, tops.
Time to paddle.
SYLVESTER: The currents are too mixed and unpredictable to narrow down which direction they drifted.
There are too many variables.
Well, the constant is Walt and Paige floating around on a raft.
That's it! The raft.
Happy, can you pull up the film of their wreckage? Tell me why I'm doing this.
Well, look at the blown-out back of the boat.
What kind of material do you think that's made out of? Treated cedar on the deck, thermoplastic fiberglass-- both float well.
And some PVC pipes floating under the plumbing system.
Okay, start calculating the ballpark buoyancy force numbers for those materials, and throw in some floatation cushions and some pieces of life vests.
Hold on, are you saying you can figure out where your friends are based on the scraps they used to build a raft? I'm saying if we figure out the general weight and buoyancy of those materials, we can plug those numbers into an algebraic function to predict how the current would have treated them, and then we can find the general area.
Slow down.
Say it all again, but not so many big words this time.
(chuckles) I'm sorry, but you got to go.
No, wait, this is a great story.
It's not a story, it's my friends' lives.
We haven't even gotten to the interview yet.
I don't even have a single quote from you.
Well, here's this.
Candidate says, "Beat it.
" But, Mr.
Dodd Sly, I got the buoyancy data! Let's do some math.
Still nothing, Doc.
I'm starting to get real scared here.
My whole life, I wanted a chance to be a swashbuckling hero.
Now our friends need us, I'm just a schmuck on a boat with no idea how to save them.
SYLVESTER: Not anymore.
Now you are a schmuck with an idea.
We ran the numbers based on the estimated weight of Walter, Paige and the raft.
We accounted for buoyancy and the current differential Just tell them where the hell they are.
Uh, right, okay.
Based on my calculations, they should be 30 degrees east of the wind flow.
(pirate voice): Me bicorne! All right, wind's blowing southwest.
Okay, then turn the boat 30 degrees east of the southwesterly winds.
We're on our way.
(buoy bell clanging) I'm gonna jump on first, okay? Okay.
Great.
(grunts) Come on.
Oh, wait.
Whoa, whoa, here, here.
I'm drifting.
You got it.
Whew! Okay.
Oh, God.
I never thought we'd make it.
Tie this up.
You got it? Yeah.
(grunts) Okay.
Here.
Thanks.
Hold on while I get online.
Okay.
Now, these buoys allow scientists to monitor ocean patterns in real time.
So I'm gonna use the Wi-Fi transmitter to send a signal to the shore.
Ah, from these markings, it's a Danish lab outpost.
Oh.
I hope whoever's monitoring it speaks English.
(chuckles) Okay, I'm into their system.
(loud bang) (buoy bell clanging) Wow, that was a big current.
Uh, Paige? Yeah? That wasn't a current that just struck us.
- We're gonna need a bigger buoy.
- Mm-hmm.
(buoy bell clanging) Hold on, hold on.
(thud) Oh, God! Oh, my God.
You okay? Oh, no.
Oh, no.
This is very bad.
He snapped the cable.
Even if he doesn't come back, we have no ride off this buoy.
Yeah, he's turned around and coming back at us.
Okay, hold on.
(thud, bell clanging) Oh, oh, oh! (panting) I'm gonna send out an S.
O.
S.
signal.
You have to stop the shark from knocking this tablet, or worse yet us, into the water.
How do I do that? Sharks have intense neural ganglion in the center of their snouts.
Here, use that oar to whack him on his next pass.
That'll disorient him, and that'll buy me enough time to set up the tablet and get the message out.
That's the plan-- you want me to punch a shark in the nose? He-He's circling back.
Here, grab the oar.
This more than makes up for the pay you were going to dock me.
Okay, here he comes.
Oh, God.
It worked! We're into the satellite signal.
Uh, found a communications interface.
Sending the message, and then done.
Great, let's just hope who finds it can actually help us.
(rapid beeping) (Danish accent): Bernhard? D-876.
Got it.
Thank you.
Uh, yes, it's a real election.
Alderman of West Altadenia-- Look, I got to go.
According to some confused Danish scientists, Walter and Paige are at the buoy D-876.
Those are the coordinates.
Okay, guys, you're already headed in the right direction, and you're closer than the Coast Guard.
Just need to slightly adjust course three degrees west.
We're on it.
Eyes peeled for a yellow buoy with people clinging to it.
Shouldn't be more than a few of those.
SYLVESTER: And, Cabe, you said only a handful of people watched Patel's ad, but guess what-- it made it to Denmark.
Denmark! (thud) Walter! I think he's pissed about the punch to the nose.
Well, sharks are intelligent; they have a sixth sense called electrosensory perception to track their You were gonna say "prey.
" Ah (thud) (gasps) (shrieks) That was too close, Walter.
I have faith in Scorpion.
Besides, from a logical standpoint, the odds are pretty slim that things could get any worse.
(thud) (both gasp) Holy cow, things just got worse.
How? After the Danish scientists called, I hacked their system to monitor any readings that their buoy might receive that could help us with our rescue-- like the changes in current or wave cap heights, stuff like that.
So what's the problem? Problem is they don't study the ocean.
They study what lives inside the ocean.
Specifically, migratory patterns.
Migratory patterns of what? (buoy bell clanging) (gasping) I think he's bringing his friends! Actually, you know, a group of sharks is called a "frenzy.
" Walter, who gives a crap?! Sharks? Are you kidding me? A frenzy of them.
A group of sharks is called a "frenzy.
" Who gives a crap?! Hundred yards ahead! I can see the buoy, and Walter and Paige! And sharks, lots and lots of sharks.
Punch it, Gallo.
Walter, they're closing in! (gasping) (thud) The impact of multiple sharks is gonna be exponentially worse than just one, so brace yourself.
(thud) I think we spoke too soon.
Hey! Hey, hey! TOBY: They see us! We did it! We're heroes of the high seas! (pirate voice): Keep the wind at our backs, and take this girl to port, Cap'n.
(engine sputtering) (hissing) What the hell? Oh, this isn't happening.
What isn't happening? TOBY: The boat's engine blew, and we're still about 50 yards from the buoy.
Not good! When we souped it up, we must've pushed its limits.
It's toast.
No, Walter and Paige are toast if they can't get to them! (thud, bell clanging) Hey, what's happening? Why aren't they coming to get us? WALTER: Uh, I see smoke.
The boat must've died.
Yeah, well, speaking of dying, we can't hold on much longer; this buoy's gonna tip.
You were a lifeguard, right? Uh, in summers when I was a teenager.
Why? I'm gonna swim for the raft.
The flailing will attract the sharks.
No.
Shark's worst sense is their eyesight.
They'll circle me to try and figure me out before attacking.
It'll give me time.
Now, as soon as I hit the water, you dive in and head for the boat.
Walter, no.
Even if you make it to the raft, they will tear that thing apart in seconds.
You said it yourself.
Eventually, this buoy gets tipped over, and I can't have you on it when that happens.
Walter As flawed as I am, I'm still a better person than before we met, thanks to you.
Now go! Walter! They're making a break for the boat.
No, only Paige is.
Walt's trying to get to the raft.
He's never gonna make it.
He's chum in the water.
Grab my hand! (panting): Walter is Walter is In big trouble.
Those sharks are circling him; they're figuring him out.
Once they figure out he's lunch, it's all over.
(panting) I'm not gonna make it.
Not gonna not gonna make it.
What the? (shouts) It's Water Matthau! Cabe and Toby, get ready to receive your cargo.
Thank you, Happy! Here he comes.
So do the sharks.
Uh, Happy, sharks top out at 35 miles per hour.
Can you goose Mr.
Matthau, please? HAPPY: It's been straining to keep up with your boat for hours.
40 miles per hour is all he's got.
And I got to slow it down so that Walter can get on the boat.
You slow that thing down, the sharks will be all over him! And the torpedo wake is agitating them.
I have an idea.
Hurry! Hurry, Happy! What the hell are you doing? Swashbuckling! (shouts) (Toby grunting) Yes! Yes! (Walter groans) Thanks for the lift.
What's with the knife? I'm a super-cool pirate.
I got seaweed in my eye.
Dropped me cheese knife.
(chuckles) Huh? A little hot cocoa should warm the weary bones of you seafarers.
How is your eye? Little seaweed never hurt Blackbeard.
It ain't gonna slow this hardened Jolly Roger.
Oh, baby marshmallows.
I love those.
HAPPY: Almost forgot.
This came in from Joan Davis while you were heading back into shore.
Pieces of eight! PAIGE: Chocolate coins? What the? "Dear Team Scorpion, you're in breach of contract.
"Section B2 clearly states that your team "was to provide tech support "until the moment of retrieval.
"You made your choice to abandon the treasure, "so you are entitled to no contingency fee.
Sincerely, Joan Davis.
" Hmm.
But sh-she's right.
We did breach contract.
To save you guys, it was worth it.
Plus, we can license the tech we designed to other maritime exploration concerns.
No matter how you slice it, she absconded with me booty.
This sucks.
Pretty disappointed, huh? I wanted treasure.
I got chocolate.
Yeah, about the whole Captain Hook thing.
Pirates chase treasure.
Gamblers chase money.
It's the chase that gives them the high.
Boy howdy, it does.
So what if it's the chase that's kept you on your toes with me? Once we're married, the chase is over, the high is over, and then you'll get bored.
Happy Quinn, you're showing an adorable pang of insecurity right now.
My angst makes you feel good? No, no.
The fact that you love me enough to worry about losing me makes me feel good.
Look me in the eye.
Uh, the good one.
You are the treasure that I've been hunting for my whole life.
And-and you, frankly, are such a tough nut to crack that the chase is never really over.
You keep me on my heels.
I'm never gonna be bored by you.
Good.
Keep the hat the eye patch for the honeymoon.
Ahoy, matey.
Hey.
Hey yourself.
You ready? Reservation's in 20 minutes.
Let me grab my coat.
Sylvester.
I spoke with Patty.
I bet you did.
Congratulations.
You got the endorsement and the votes and the election.
I think you and Patty had very different takes on your meeting.
It's an early edition of the paper.
"West Altadenia Shopper endorses Sylvester Dodd.
" CABE: Really? That's the biggest upset since Ali/Foreman in '74.
I have no idea who that is, but this is amazing news.
Thank you.
I'm sorry I doubted you.
"Sylvester Dodd is a candidate who cares more about the people "that are counting on him than making sure "he looks good to the press.
"He has the kind of character that will make him a fine representative.
" Congratulations.
You earned it.
Good work, kiddo.
(door opens, closes) Hey.
Hey.
I-I wanted to thank you.
What you did on that buoy (chuckles): was insane.
I-I would have made it to the raft.
Oh, uh, don't think so.
And it's not really the point.
Well, it was the least I could do.
I owed you.
Owed me? For what? For, uh for letting me sink or swim.
See, at first, I was I was mad at you because I-I didn't understand why you would do that to me.
Mm-hmm.
But then I realized that you did it for me.
I've never had anyone who cared about my emotional development before, someone who'd try different things to help me.
But you care.
And, um sometimes caring means tough love.
So I owed you, so I jumped in.
An extreme way of paying off debts, but I don't think you owed me.
Walter, can I be honest? Mm, of course.
You're the most honest person I know.
Okay.
Here goes.
I-I tried being mad at you for the whole Tim thing, and that just well, it felt crummy.
So I have an idea.
I'd I'd like for us just to acknowledge that we're great friends, special friends, who care deeply about each other, the-the kind of friends who'd do anything for each other, including risk their lives.
That's That's accurate and logical.
Yeah.
I like it.
Great.
Um, we can put any recent tension behind us.
Agreed.
Yeah.
(slaps legs) So, friend (chuckles) uh, what do you have planned for tonight? I'm just gonna like, Skype with Tim.
You? I w-worked up a list of clients that I've recently offended; I was gonna try to, uh, apologize to them.
Using the-the skills that you taught me.
Okay.
You know what, um, I could, I could Skype with Tim tomorrow.
How-how about we make those calls together, and I can help you through any rough spots? I'd like that.
Okay.
Can I see? Yeah.
Here you are.
Thanks.