The Nanny s03e15 Episode Script

Miss Fine, come on! We're gonna miss the premiere.
What can she be doing up there? Blow-drying, sir.
Niles, why does it take women an hour to do what a man can do in five seconds? Speak for yourself, sir.
Okay, I'm ready.
How do I look? Fine.
Now, let's go.
Fine? I need gorgeous.
I'm changing.
No.
I I I meant gorgeous.
Oh, why didn't I say gorgeous? Why? Why? Why? Dad, she's been working here for three years.
When are you gonna learn? Okay.
"Does this make me look fat?" No.
"Do you like my hair this way?" Yes.
"Is my tush wider than usual?" There is no answer to that one.
Sir, you've got to know how to speak to a woman.
Miss Fine, you'll miss the buffet.
Ready.
How do I look? Gorgeous.
But do you think the dress makes me look No.
Do you like what I did with my Yes.
- Great.
I just gotta change my purse.
- No, no, no, Miss Fine.
No one's gonna see the bloody purse.
We'll be late.
Oh, will you calm down? I know that you always lie to me and tell me things start earlier than they do.
Yeah, well, stupidly, this time I told you the truth.
Well, why did you do that? I depend on that extra half hour that's not real.
Oh, children, wait in the car, will you? Tell you what, Miss Fine, I'll send the limo back for you.
Thank you.
Don't want to keep Alec and Kim waiting.
Baldwin and Basinger? That's right.
They're waiting in the limo.
I don't believe you.
Wanna risk it? I can't see her.
Oh, yeah, that's her with the blond hair.
That's Maggie.
Is it? Oh, you just think you're so smart, don't you? Yes.
Yes, I do.
Are we taking Gracie with us? She's waiting in the limo.
Is she? Excuse me.
Do you think I'm gonna fall for the same trick? Daddy? Oh, I can't believe how many famous people are here tonight.
Oh, my God, there's the paparazzi that got hit by Sean Penn.
Oh, look, there's the one that got hit by Mickey Rourke.
Oh, my God, there's the one that parachuted into Liz's wedding.
Oh, is this a star-studded event or what? Fran, Antonio Banderas sighting.
- I saw Melanie Griffith.
- And Tom Hanks.
Oh, my God.
And I only have one picture left.
Grace, pretend to pass out.
When everybody gathers around to help, take a group shot.
You see, Miss Fine, if I hadn't dragged you out of the house, you'd have missed all this.
You'd still be upstairs looking for another purse.
Okay.
I admit it.
It sure is thrilling being on this side of the ropes.
Usually, I'm the schnook on the other side jumping up and down like an idiot.
Oh, my God, Patrick Swayze.
Patrick Swayze, over here.
Mr.
Sheffield, could we get a picture of you and your date? Oh, you brought a date? Oh! Oh, wait, one minute, honey.
Okay.
Hey, it's that Italian supermodel.
What's your name again? - Mondula.
- Mondula.
Mondula.
Mondula, Gloss magazine.
Who designed the gown? A new Italian designer, Ragu.
Maxwell, I'm thrilled we're participating in this charity benefit.
It's for a very needy cause.
Yeah.
Who's it for again? Oh, I don't know.
Some disease.
Very trendy.
Valerie Bertinelli did the movie of the week.
I didn't see it, though.
I had a date.
Oh, then it was a big night for charity all around.
Dad, um, if you knew Fran would kill you for something that you did that turned out really bad for her, would you tell her, or would you try to keep it from her? Oh, now, Margaret, haven't I taught you to confront your problems? Now, what could you possibly have done to Miss Fine that was so horrible? Not me.
You.
Niles, the limo.
I'm going to the club.
See if you can solve this with money.
Dad, Dad, Fran's picture's in Gloss magazine.
Well, what's so bad about that? She'll be thrilled.
What, eyes closed? Bad angle? She's a fashion "Don't".
What's that to do with me? Read the caption.
"Who let her out of the house with that purse?" Oh, I just remembered the charity.
Asthma.
Niles, get this piece of trash out of here.
You heard the man, move it.
Knock-knock.
Has anyone seen my new Gloss magazine? Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I've been working.
- Seen? - No, Fran, I'm sorry.
Is this it? Is there a picture of me in it? Oh, I don't know.
Page 63, right after the chick in the Hanes ad.
What's the matter? Why don't you want me to see it? I don't care if it's blurry.
That knocks 10 years off.
No.
You can't have it.
You think that's gonna stop me? Oh, I look fabulous.
Look, they gave me half a page.
Oh, I gotta go call Val.
Everybody out! Not you! Oh, Miss Fine, let's not be hasty about this.
Don't you worry.
It's gonna be slow and painful.
Hi, Ma.
Yeah.
Mr.
Sheffield here wants to hear all about your hysterectomy.
All right, Miss Fine.
I know how to make you feel better.
I'm ready.
Come on.
Let's do it.
Now? Oh, no.
I'm not in the mood.
Oh, you want to.
I know you do.
Every time you look at me, you've got one thing on your mind.
I don't want you to do it out of pity.
Come on upstairs.
You know you'll enjoy it.
No.
I'm not prepared.
I'd have to go to the drug store.
Oh, no, forget it.
I'm not dying your gray streak today.
Poor Miss Fine.
Maybe I ought to buy her a little something.
Oh, Maxwell, will you get over your nanny? The benefit is Saturday night.
You know, she has her eye on that sonic nail drying system.
Maxwell, focus.
We need a director.
We need a set designer.
We need someone to do costumes.
That's it.
C.
C.
, you are a genius.
We need ushers! We need someone to sell candy.
We need a fire marshal.
Oh, just look at these editors of Gloss magazine.
They don't know squat about fashion.
A bunch of pretentious, know-it-all wannabes.
Why don't they like me? Fran, forget about it.
Look at you.
You're a beautiful woman.
Do you think my friends are coming over here to see me? Take it from a guy.
No one in their right mind was looking at your purse.
What'd your father give you to say this? A boom box.
Meanwhile, your sister got new skis.
Who's depressed now? Miss Fine, every producer on Broadway is preparing a scene for a benefit next week.
I'm doing Our Town.
And I need a supervisor for the costumes.
Ma Maxwell, what are you saying? I'm saying I want to hire Miss Fine.
Regardless of what that magazine says, I happen to know you have a keen sense of style, Miss Fine.
So, will you take the job? Are you kidding? Oh, Mr.
Sheffield, I can't believe you trust me like that.
Maxwell, Nanny Fine does not want you to hire her out of guilt.
Guilt has been very good to my people.
Oh, I gotta call Ma.
Look at her.
She's radiant.
And I think she'll do a wonderful job.
Maxwell, I think you're thinking with your little producer.
I beg your pardon? Oh, you're attracted to this woman for God knows what reason, and it's clouding your professional judgment.
Oh, C.
C.
, that's ridiculous.
Besides, it's just one scene in a benefit.
Maxwell, the entire Broadway community will be there, and we'll have costumes by Oscar de la Yenta.
If you insist on doing this, then you'll do the benefit alone, because I'm out of here.
Hasta la vista, baby.
C.
C.
C.
C.
, you're overreacting.
You'll you'll see.
Miss Fine will do a splendid job.
Oh, Our Town.
This is going to be fabulous.
I'm gonna do a whole Four Tops, Temptations thing, you know, with backup singers and sparkly gowns.
Oh, wait a minute.
That's Motown.
Don't worry.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
- Can you believe the publicity this benefit is getting? - Hmm.
- It's for charity, you know.
- Mmm-hmm.
What people won't do to get their name in the paper.
Page 64, sir.
Oh, thank you.
Honestly, the nerve of C.
C.
to suggest that I hired Miss Fine for less than honorable reasons.
Have you seen the costumes? I don't need to see the costumes, Niles.
I hired the right person for the job.
What do you think a producer does? Prays that his trusty butler has Polaroids of the costumes.
Oh, thank God.
Let me see them.
Plaid, plaid, gingham, white, plain, fabulous.
I love you, Niles.
Well, I can't retire on love, sir.
Knock-knock.
Mr.
Sheffield, are you ready for our meeting? Oh, I am so excited.
You know, I have always dreamed of the two of us working together.
Well, Miss Fine, you've been working here for three years.
Oh, yeah, but now I'm actually doing stuff.
I mean, without the kids.
Uh, Mr.
Sheffield, are you aware that in this Our Town all the characters are dead and living in a cemetery? Yes, of course I am.
Well, wouldn't you rather do something like Dreamgirls? No.
Okay.
All right.
You're the big producer man.
Oh, this desk is so nice and roomy under here.
- Oh, what's that? - That's my foot.
Oh, you kick your shoes off when you work, too? Yeah.
Well, st stop it.
How would you like it if I did it to you, eh? That tickles.
Don't.
Stop.
Don't.
Stop.
Don't stop.
No, no, no.
Come on.
Seriously, we've got to make some serious decisions here.
Oh, all right.
Okay.
What do you think of this? Oh, it's lovely.
But this is a benefit.
So perhaps you should go with something a little more sedate.
Why don't you wear your black dress? Oh, no.
This isn't for me.
This is for your dead ingenue, Emily.
You know, she is on stage every minute.
So she's really gotta pop.
And like my Cousin Toddy says, if you gotta be dead, be drop-dead.
Who who's your Cousin Toddy? Oh, I hired him to help me with the costumes.
He's in the schmata business.
Miss Fine, what happened to a little plaid, a little white they're sitting on your bed upstairs? - You mean Maggie's dry cleaning? - Oh, dear.
Oh, that was Margaret's dry cleaning.
Mr.
Sheffield, why are your toes all curling up? You getting a foot cramp? Well, Miss Fine, I am in considerable pain.
Oh, well, let me rub it for you.
Oh, no.
Miss Fine.
Miss Fine.
It's all right, Miss Fine.
Where's Miss Fine? How does that feel, Mr.
Sheffield? Want me to rub some lotion on it? Should I leave? No.
Thank you, Miss Fine.
That will be all.
You know, I have a butler's benefit coming up, and we need some uniforms.
Niles.
I'm gonna go around and get a basin and fill it with some water and some Epsom salts so I can soak that.
She was massaging my foot.
Mmm.
Oh, Niles, what am I gonna do? These costumes are gonna be ghastly.
Was C.
C.
right? Have I let my judgment be impaired by my feelings for Miss Fine? What feelings are those, sir? - Well, you know.
- No, I don't, sir.
Oh, come on, Niles.
Oh, but you'd feel so much better if you just said it.
Oh, perhaps you're right.
Maybe I should just admit that I Knock-knock.
Oh, wait! There will be a I'll have five Cokes, three bottled waters, and a Charleston Chew, please.
That'll be $125.
Or did you want large Cokes? No.
Oh, Miss Fine, do you want something to drink? Oh, don't even mention the word drink.
Did you see the line for the ladies room? I could hardly sit through that scene of The Wiz.
Oh, man, did you see that one Andrew Lloyd Webber set, how the entire mansion just came down from the ceiling? Yeah.
Hey, Dad, what's your set like? Brighton, a flashy set just hides a flawed show.
Is his the one with the bare stage and the two ladders? Yeah.
Oh, Mr.
Sheffield, don't worry about it.
This is a benefit.
People are just here to find a cure for their tax problems.
Oh, I know that you're worried about the costumes.
- You do? - Of course.
That actress who's supposed to be playing 15-year-old Emily, she's got a neck like a Shar-Pei.
Don't you worry.
I had Cousin Toddy stick her in a gold lame dickey.
Ah, dickey.
Much better.
Jack Daniels, please.
You know, Mr.
Sheffield, I really haven't thanked you for giving me this opportunity.
You don't know what it means to me to have somebody like you put so much faith in me.
What's that for? For luck, Miss Fine.
Oh, well, beats break a leg.
- Oh, it's starting.
- Oh, there we go.
Better get in there.
- Come on, kids.
- I don't want you to miss your big moment.
- No.
- I'll be right there.
- Oh, okay.
- I can't wait to see it.
It'll be great.
It'll be swell.
Everything's coming up roses.
So, this bartending job, does it pay well? Because I'd still like to work in the theater.
Oh, Maxwell, I'm so sorry.
This might be a bad time to ask you this, what with your career in the toilet and all.
But now are you ready to admit that it wasn't your brain that hired Nanny Fine? Look, I'll admit it was a mistake hiring her, but I won't question my motivation.
History is full of relationships between men and women that have nothing to do with sexual attraction, like, um Mmm-hmm? - Uh - Mmm-hmm.
- Uh - Mmm-hmm.
- Us.
- Mmm.
Oh, Mr.
Sheffield, it was fabulous.
The clothes were a knockout.
The only complaint was the hair was too big, but don't worry, that was just from a woman that was sitting behind me.
You should hear what the man behind me said.
Are you Dolph Lundgren? Look who's here.
It's Todd Oldham.
Oh, I just love his designs.
We sat together at the Women's Wear Daily luncheon.
Oh.
Oh, oh, he's coming over to say hello.
Todd.
Franny.
Oh, Cousin Toddy.
You mean Todd Oldham is your Cousin Toddy? - Yeah.
- Well, of course.
How do you think a nanny could afford to dress the way I do? So, who wore this before me? Was it Cindy Crawford? Heather Locklear? Well, actually, it was Wesley Snipes.
Wesley huh? Todd, I'd like you to meet my boss, Maxwell Sheffield.
- Hi, it's a pleasure.
- How do you do? And his partner, C.
C.
Babcock.
Remember me? No.
Mr.
Sheffield, according to Andrew Lloyd Webber, your scene stole the show.
Really? Webber knows my name? I mean, Webber knows my name is synonymous with avant-garde.
Did he say that guy or did he specifically call me Maxwell Sheffield? Uh, Todd, in the cemetery, everything was blue.
So evocative, so poignant.
Why blue? Well, I like blue.
You like blue? And, Mr Mr.
Sheffield, how does it feel to reinvent a classic? Well, actually, a great deal of the credit goes to a very special woman I work with.
Just a moment.
Thank you, Maxwell.
"C" period, "C" period Babcock.
C.
C.
Well, anyway, you did a wonderful job.
Oh, thank you.
You know, I've got style, I've got flair.
That's how I became the nanny.
Oh, there's the photographer from Gloss magazine.
He's gonna take a picture of her.
Excuse me.
Miss Babcock.
Right here.