Ally Mcbeal s03e16 Episode Script

A brain tumor?Yeah.
In your head? No, it's in my ass, Ally.
I have a brain tumor in my ass.
Are they are they going to take it out? I'm going in for more tests,and then, they'll tell me what, uh Listen, um, everybody seems to know,but, uh, I wanted to tell you personally, since, uh you know, you probablyhelped bring it on.
Kidding.
-Are you going to die, Billy?-Well, uh.
No.
I'm not going to die.
They think it's benign,but it's just you know.
-A brain tumor.
-Yeah.
-Did you hear Billy has a brain tumor?-Yes, Elain.
Try not to enjoy it.
-I'm not enjoying it.
What I -----Shh! Ally.
Great.
Uh, any-anybodyseen the Biscuit? Well, he should be here.
Well, let's get started.
First up, uh,Billy's brain tumor.
I, I've spoken to Billy,and what he'd really like is to to not make it a big deal.
There's no reason to walk around morose -- it doesn't do anybody any good.
What he needs most right nowis just simple support.
The thing about Billy, uh Listen to me, talking about himlike he's alaready dead, he Bygones.
He's right here.
Tell us, Billy, how would youlike us to, to handle this? Like it's real? Like it's not real?Psychosomatic? It happened to a friend of mine once.
Thought he had a, you know, brain tumor;turns out it was all in his head.
Uh, bygones.
-Richard?-Yeah.
-Calm down.
-Yeah.
Could be nothing.
I'm going in for more tests.
When I know more Excuse me.
I hope he's not going to milk this.
What next up.
Uh, Prune vs.
Prune.
Um, um, uh, annulment proceeding.
We start today.
-Isn't Billy first-chair on that?-Yes.
Well, do you think that's wise,Ally, w-with the tumor thing? I I'll, I'll talk to him.
Mm-mm.
We have a problem with the Biscuit.
Oh my god! John? John,are, are you all right? No, I'm not all right!I'm stuck in an elevator! I called the fire department.
They're on their way.
We, we're going to get you out, John! Does this mean I have to take the stairs? Uh Joh-John, John,help is on the way.
-Just, just try to relax.
-Yes, I'll relax! Perhaps you can bring me a spritzer! Look, his little socksdon't match.
Isn't that cute? Okay.
I think that's about it.
Oh, Mrs.
Prune said she'dmeet you at the courthouse.
Okay.
Anything else that can be done? --I can do? Well, you could take a hike.
Sandy, I don't know who your Mr.
Rightmay be, but the odds of him being an older man coming off a divorce,with a brain tumor ? -I'm not going to run away just because -----I'm pushing you away.
Hey, I might come out of this fine,but look.
If I suddenly go into surgery tomorrow and as they're pulling me downthe hospital corridor I don't see your handas the one I want to be holding.
I get it.
You're not just trying tospare me pain? -Billy?-What? Uh no.
-I'm only thinking of myself.
-Yeah.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Listen.
Billy, um this is a pretty simple procedure.
Uh proceeding.
You should let me do it, and I ---- No.
Nobody's going to be doing that around here.
Nobody's going to be treating melike a damn patient.
-You can forget that!-But you say you hallucinate.
So do you.
You see Al Green,you have your fantasies.
-But I know when I'm having them.
-Well, I'm beginning to figure that out, too.
Billy ---- Ally, if I screw up, take me off.
But work is the best thing for me.
-I can do this!-Okay.
You believe this? I mean, you hear about ithappening to other people, but What did the doctor say? I'm meeting with a specialist at lunchtime.
But they truly believe it to be benign.
-Do you want me to go with you?-Georgia's going.
Thanks.
-Love you.
-Love you too.
Actually, uh I'd love for you to come with me, -if you don't mind.
-Sure.
We'd never been intimate,prior to our wedding night.
I, I don't believe in premarital sex,and neither does Angela.
That's one of the things we bonded over.
Well, tell us what else youbonded over, Mr.
Prune.
Values.
I'll, I'll say it again.
Values.
For ourselves, for o-our children.
We, we'd talk about how hard it is tocompete in this materialistic, artificial, superficial world, and well ---- You met in church, right? Uh, yes.
Yes, we're both avid churchgoers.
Tell us about your wedding night, Mr.
Prune.
Well, um it was wonderful.
We had a bottle of champagne,and there was a candle by the bed.
She came out of the bathroomwearing a provocative sheer robe.
She let it fall to the floor.
She was a goddess.
Then, she climbed into bedand I, I went to her And? I nuzzled into her breasts,which I'd been longing to do for over two years,the entire period of our courtship.
And, as I pressed my head into them,that's when I discovered it.
Discovered what? They were fake.
They felt likepetrified whoopie cushions.
Two big rocks with nipples! -Implants.
-Yes.
What kind of a Lutheran would do that? -Did you ask her about them?-We started talking about it.
And then, she revealedshe'd had her nose done, and that she had cheek implantsand had her tummy -What, sir? Her tummy what?-Tucked.
But, Mr.
Prune, after this discovery,you did stay married to her? Yes.
I, well, I tried to make it work.
But she pretended to besomething she wasn't.
I married the thing she wasn't! Why not just get a divorce?Why an annulment? Because it was never real.
Plus, a divorce, I'd have baggage.
So, you married her for her physical traits? I knew you'd say that -- no! But a,a person who lies about her physicality, a person who has such an insecuritythat she'd try to alter herself, a person who's not content tolive in the body God gave her -- -th-that speaks to what she is inside.
-That speaks to vanity.
So, you'll marry her for betteror worse so long as she's not vain? It's a little beyond vanity, counsel.
And I can see you've had a little workdone yourself, so I really don't ---- I, I, I, I, duh, I have not had work done!Now, and I move to strike that, Judge! All right, just let's move on.
No, no, I, I have not had work done,and I, I, I want that on the record! I cannot believe he said that!Now, do I look like I've had work done? Ally.
Ogh! I am so sure! Herro.
This is Dr.
Peters.
I brought herin on consult, plus my English.
-Hello.
-Hi.
Billy, mass density indicates benign.
Which is very good.
But, uh, there is a problem.
It's in the left posterior temporal lobe,uh, very near the speech area of the brain.
Wh-which means? It's a very, very difficult area to operate on.
I prefer not to operate.
If not grow,I will just try to shrink [it.]
.
We'd like to bring you in for MRIsover the next month and monitor it, see how fast it's growing.
Oh okay.
And also, while I have you,I'd like to give you a little oral sex.
Are you okay? I don't want to hear about all the problems.
Just get me out, damn it! They have to make sure the cablesare loosened or something.
They don't want the thing surging up,John, i-it'll cut you in half.
They've secured it up here, they'reworking the, in the basement now.
Just get me out.
I have a meeting scheduled at two.
Is that thing going to be working? Ling, could we showsome compassion here? -Damn it! What I -For me? Is he okay? No, uh, he's a little sur,a little surly, and th-th-th-then, what John, hi.
Nice of you to drop by, Nelle,and show your concern! Yes.
Well, anyway, I knowthis isn't the best of timing, but I don't think it's working out for us.
I think we should start seeing other people.
John? -Phew.
-Nose whistled.
John? -You're breaking up with me?-Yes.
Don't you think we should discuss this? Well, there's nothing to discuss, really.
I've made up my mind.
There's no reason for me toleave you dangling.
Pardon the pun.
Er, uh, pokip.
pokip John, sweetie, I still adore you.
But it, it's just not right in the long run.
We'll talk more when you get out.
I never misrepresented who I am.
Cosmetic work does not change the person.
What about the argument thathe fell in love with you physically as well as emotionally,and physically you were artificial? Everybody tries to make themselveslook better or younger.
So, I had a laser peel instead ofusing moisturizer.
So, I had implants instead ofwearing a Wonderbra.
I mean, I could argue I never knewhe was such an imbecile.
But in marriage, you take peoplefor what they are; you don't sue them for what they're not.
And trust me, after making love to you,I had a claim myself.
Talk about fraud! Teeny! But it wasn't just physical,was it, Mrs.
Prune? -What about all the herbal mood enhancers?-What about them? -Saint John's wort?-Nerve pain.
-Mahuang?-Burns fat.
-Ginseng?-Boosts immunity.
-Ginkgo biloba?-Memory.
-Melatonin?-I'm cranky without sleep.
Physically, you're notwhat you held yourself out to be.
Mentally, you're differentwithout the chemicals.
I mean, who is the real Angela Prune? Objection! Badgering! It's about time you sprang into action,big boy! I'm of an absolute mind tofire you.
I'll tell you that! -Really?-Yes, really! Well, you'd be out of yourabsolute mind legally.
Associate dates senior partner,associate breaks up with senior partner, associate gets fired.
-How many zeros go with that one?-Nelle! I don't mean to be cruel, Richard.
And perhaps I should have waited, but He's got his clicker!Look, there's truth to what Ling said: The best time to break up with a man iswhen he's distracted by some other crisis.
I saw an opportunity here.
What Still, y-you owe him better than this.
He doesn't even like me.
He likes my hair, maybe.
He likes how it makes him feelbeing seen with me.
But he, he doesn't like me.
He finds it repugnant thatI would never date a janitor.
It bothers him that I can't remember what's-her-name's name---Billy's secretary.
He thinks I'm an arrogant,elitist, rich, bitch snob! And, and I think he's weird! I mean, those funny-looking peoplehe represented: the one in the dress, and th-the guythat clapped his hands over and over.
He identifies with those people.
I don't! He invited them over for dinner.
Yuck! As if I'd be able to eat! It's one thing after another with him, Richard! I, I've tried to be tolerant, but it's uh,it's one damn thing after another!!! I think you should discuss this with him.
I can't.
Because today, he managed toget himself wedged into an elevator! They're almost done in the basement.
They should have him outin about an hour.
Great.
Uh, Bill-Billy?How's, uh, how's the case? The case is going fine, thank you.
We close this afternoon.
It should be over before Where'd everybody go? Uh, we're, we're right here.
Oh.
Um, we close, we could havea verdict as early as tomorrow.
-A-and you're, you're feeling ?-Fine, and a little tired of everybody asking.
Oh sure, yeah, uh, yeah.
Bi-Billy,uh, listen, uh, I'm not good at, uh this, uh You know, when things aren't good,I, I go right into the, uh, uh, surf mode.
You know, uh, uh You want to grab the remote andfast-forward to a happy ending? Yeah, I, yeah ¢Ü Ooh-ooh-ooh-y -What was that?-What? I heard, uh You hear that? What, uh, no.
What? I, uh think I'm going togo work on my closing.
A-all right, all right ?? ¢ÜOoh-ooh-ooh, yeahI'm just a love machine And I won't work for nobodybut you, yeah baby I'm just a love machineA hugging, kissing fiend -Do you see anything there?-No, no.
Do you? Billy, what?Um I, -I think I need to call my doctor.
I'm right here, John.
I'll go with youto the hospital.
We can share I'm fine! I don't want to go to the hospital! Does this mean it's working again? In about an hour.
-Is he hurt?-He's fine.
-They just need to check him out.
-You said in an hour.
Ling, what is so damn importantabout the elevator? Hey, some of us have lives, Elaine.
I'll either have to take the stairs,or miss a facial.
Oh gee, and here I am worryingabout Billy's brain tumor.
-They were dancing?-Yes.
-Singing "Love Machine"?-Yes.
Oh, I love that song!I'm just a love machine.
The hallucinations seem to becoming more frequently.
Uh-huh.
Well, um Could I speak with Billy alone please? -Oh okay.
-Thank you.
-So, they appear naked?-Uh-huh.
Want to make love to you?Big, old breasted women? -Doctor?-Okay, sorry.
Billy, um, I thinkwe might have to take it out.
Really? The fact that the hallucination'scoming more suggests that it is growing at a more rapid pace.
Even if it is benign,I think we should remove.
-When?-Oh, we could do this weekend.
-Wow -Are you okay? Yeah It's just the idea of surgery,it's and on my brain.
I know.
I guess, uh I guessif you think we should do it.
I do.
¢Ü Sometimes in our life, we all have pain.
Check in on Friday, we do the procedure Saturday morning, You'd be home Tuesday.
Oh, well ¢Ü Lean on me, if you're not strong!What? ¢Ü I'll be your friend.
Billy? You okay? Yeah.
Um well, the soonerwe get this done, the better.
Why don't you try to go homeand relax a little? Yeah.
I have this case I need to close.
¢Ü Please, swallow your pride! Then, I'll go home.
Thank you, doctor.
How are you doing? Oh, just some lower-back pain.
They need to keep you in traction? For a few days.
There's swelling aroundsome of the vertebrae.
It's precautionary, I'm fine.
Could have done it face to face, Nelle.
Instead, you ended it to my buttocks.
Y-yeah.
I have never been goodabout breaking up with men.
And then, when I saw you trappedlike that in the elevator, I, I think that on some unconscious level,I just seized the chance to, um Also, whenever I do somethingwhere I might be unlikable, I I don't know, I embrace being a total bitch.
There's more power in it.
I do adore you.
I'm going to get some rest now, Nelle.
This was coming, John.
Either you were going to leave me,or I was going to leave you.
But we both knew it was coming.
Yep.
Onward and upward, then.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I hope you feel better.
A marriage is a union, a contract.
This one was the result of a fraud.
She wasn't who she held herself out to be.
My client is a religious man.
He considers the body God's work.
It's supposed to be a temple.
She completely rebuild her temple,Your Honor.
And, and it does go to values.
I'm, I'm sorry, but it doesgo to raising children.
How do you tell your daughter: "Love yourself for who you are,but Mom's been reconstructed"? This kind of cosmetic overhaul -- it does say something about her person.
And it's not the personSimon Prune thought he was marrying.
Nobody turns out to be exactlywhat you thought you were marrying.
And people continue toevolve after marriage.
The point is, you take your partnerfor better or worse, for what you knowor what you don't know.
It's the sanctity of this institution,it's supposed to be a sanctity.
Now we have people trotting in forannulments with a snap of a finger.
A Catholic can't remarry after a divorce? Boom! Get an annulment! Fall out of love with your wife'cause she has implants? Boom! Get an annulment! What happened to the sanctity,Your Honor? A month ago, I turned on the television,there was this show, "Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire.
" Two people who'd never metgot married during the broadcast! Excuse me.
That really happen,or did I hallucinate it? That really happened.
Where the hell is the sanctity? People get married for green cardsor tax purposes.
It's supposed to mean something.
It's supposed to be about a love so strong that it can survive the discovery ofcheek implants or a laser peel.
It's supposed You see that woman? I've been married to her for twelve years.
And everyday, when I go home to herand our kids -- it's everything.
It's so everything.
Mr.
Thomas, you seem to begetting a little off track.
What I'm trying to say -- in the end, love is the only thing that counts.
I've loved her since I was eight years old.
We've never been apart, not a single day.
And I will love her for all my days.
And it's all that counts.
It's all that will ever count.
All of my heart, forever.
I, uh need to rest.
-Mr.
Thomas?-Billy? -Is he okay?-Billy? Hey? Hey, Billy? Oh my god.
Oh god.
Oh god.
Oh god, he's not breathing!!! Get the paramedic!Billy? Billy okay.
Come on, Billy! Is anyone here a doctor? Oh god.
Billy.
Oh god.
Oh god.
Oh god.
Billy, breathe!You can't ==, Billy! Oh god.
Please breathe.
Oh, Billy ¢Ü Here's a photo I've been looking for It's a picture of the boy next door And I loved him more than words could say Never knew it till he moved away Faded pictures in my scrapbook Just thought I'd take one more look And recall when we were allin the neighborhood Could I, uh could I have your attention, please? About forty minutes ago, um Billy Thomas passed away.
Uh, he, he went quiet quietly and peacefully Richard.
Well, they saidI could get out on Friday.
That's great.
Uh I've got some bad news.
Uh Billy Billy, while in court today,suffered a cerebral hemorrhage and he died.
It was, uh, likely connected to the tumor.
It's one of those things, they say,you know, although, uh I wish there was something I could say.
Georgia's with his parents.
They're going to havea quiet service tomorrow.
Richard's making the arrangements.
Okay.
Good.
You okay? -Oh you know.
-Yeah.
I'm here.
I know.
Thanks.
It's gone now.
The tumor's gone.
-And so are you.
-No.
You left me again.
Have you met God? You, uh you have to signsome confidentiality agreements when you get up there.
Well, when you see Him,will you tell Him how much I hate Him? -That wouldn't be true.
-Yes, it would.
Are you going to haunt me now, Billy? You know, you did itwhen you were alive, you you might as well do it when you're dead.
We had something, didn't we? We may have screwed it up,but have you, uh ever known any two people to havewhat we had? No.
I'm glad your hair is back to normal.
All of my heart, forever.
-Oh, please come back!-I can't.
It's stronger than death.
¢Ü See the pyramids along the NileWatch the sunrise on a tropic isle Just remember, darling, all the whileYou belong to me -Ally?-Oh -Hey.
-Hey.
-H-how are you doing?-Still numb.
-You heard about the service?-Yeah.
I think, uh I, I think that we should dowhatever we can to keep it ---- Peppy? If, if we could get people to laugh to celebrate his life -I, I know it's cliche -Uh, he loved cliche.
Um he did go peacefully? Totally.
He, uh he just said,"I'm tired," and he sat down and, and I ran up, and he said,"Tell Georgia I love her.
" -He did?-Yeah.
And then, he just closed his eyes and,and he was gone.
Oh, no.
No, we can't do this.
We have to we have to be upbeat.
Remember? We,we have to plan a fun funeral.
Right.
He would want people to smile.
Yeah.
Let's, let's give him that.
Right.
I was walking down the streetabout a year ago, and I came across a manwho was shouting up at the sky, "You're a terrible God, I hate you,I hate you! You evil, awful God!" And I said, "Sir?" He turned to me and he said,"Hey, at least I believe in Him.
" Some days it's, it's all we can do,just to believe in Him.
One of those days.
We're here today to celebrate and remember the life ofBilly Allen Thomas.
For it's in our memories thatBilly will live on in this --- even though he passes into --- It was not that long ago thatBilly stood right here on this --- --- Billy said that day,I believe that he would want you torejoice in the good times ---- rather than dwelling on those momentsthat will --- Right now, we will, we'll have a wordfrom one of Billy's closest friends, Ally McBeal.
Miss McBeal? -Ally?-Uh? -You're up.
-Oh oh.
I've heard it said that, as you're about topass into the next world, that the final truth of this worldhits you.
And the last thing Billy spoke about right before he sat downin the courthouse was love -- how it was all that mattered.
He, um he seemed so lostin these last few months.
But looking at him in the courthouseright before he died, he he suddenly seemed so found.
And he he, um, said to me recently, he said, "It's stronger than death.
" And I wasn't sure what he meant.
Now I am.
When we were little, we we would talk about this day.
Well, a-actually, we would sing about it.
Well, he would sing this song, And when I die And when I'm gone There'll be one child born In our world To carry on That child, that that child has big shoes to fill.
Billy Thomas, with all of my heart, forever.
Oh, and, uh as for Heaven ¢Ü There's a new man in town,and he's not foolin' round People, listen up,there's something that you ought to know There's a man comin' your way,and he's trying to free your soul ! There's a new man in town,and he's not puttin' down Oh, this mighty, mighty manis reachin' out to you, he's fillin' the world with loveand good news He's touchin' your body hot,healin' your soul, givin' your mind full control Let's come together,he's right behind you, hey! Don't want to go by the devilDon't want to go by Demon Don't want to go by SatanDon't want to die uneasy Just let me go naturally And when I die,when I'm dead, dead and gone There'll be one child bornIn our world to carry on Sometimes, I wonder if I'mever gonna make it home again It's so far and out of sight I really need someone to talk to And nobody elseknows how to comfort me tonight Snow is cold, rain is wet Chills my soul right to the marrow I won't be happy till I see you alone again Till I'm home again and feeling right I wanna be home again and feeling right