Awkward s03e16 Episode Script

Previously on Awkward Loser girl becomes a loser burnout.
You are such a cliche.
Your friends are supposed to stay on your side.
You're starting to fixate.
My reality felt like solitary confinement.
Let's just get outta here.
Collin and I had been seeing each other for weeks, but we hadn't felt the need to DTR.
We were beyond it.
Because when it came to him, I was all-in.
Not to mention DTRing was for suckers.
Dude, your hair's smoking.
Holy fuck, you're on fire.
What the hell? I loathed hanging out in the Sanctuary.
But it was the only place Collin and I could be together hater-free.
And Monday mornings definitely brought out the dregs.
It was like an AA meeting.
All the addicts needed their fix to make it through the week.
Thank God I wasn't one of them.
I gotta go.
Wait, no, no, no.
Please, just one more.
That's how it started for me too.
I can walk away anytime I want.
Way to make an effort, Hamiltrick.
Nice bra.
Okay, it is an hour-long class.
Romeo will still be here when it's all over.
Well, it's that time of year again when we put out a new edition of Experior.
Does anybody know what Experior means? Experior is a superhero who possess the power of telekinesis and extra-dimensional time travel.
It's Latin for "Let it be printed," and it's also the name of our literary magazine.
Now you will all be submitting an essay for this year's issue, which, judging by the level of talent in this room, should look more like a flyer.
This year's topic Heroes and villains.
- Hey.
- Oh, I'll be right back.
- Yeah? - I need your help.
And quite frankly, you need mine.
I overheard Principal Cox talking about another round-ee-round of pink slips.
That's just talk.
Oh, yeah? Look what I found on my desk this morning.
That's a phone message.
Yeah, but it could have just as easily been a pink slip.
Who are you? Valerie Marks, Guidance Counselor.
And more recently, choir leader, cheer coach, drill team mentor.
Oh, a woman of many trades.
Oh, no, only one.
I hate doing all that other crap.
I'm just trying to make myself indispensable.
Why are you here? There's a district-wide video competition, the winner of which gets Drum roll.
A nurse for a month.
Our nurse was cut? Let's just say she went gently into that good night.
- EE Cummings.
- Dylan Thomas.
Who cares what the nurse's name was? If I win this thing, it'll increase my profile and make me even more indispensable-- and you, if I can borrow your students.
Will this project interfere with my teaching schedule? - Just for a week.
- Perfect.
Drama.
Intrigue.
Suicide.
Drugs.
Depression.
Friendship.
Love.
Alcoholism.
Freeze frames.
These delightful and somewhat scary words describe my favorite TV genre, the After School Special.
ASS for short.
I was addicted to them.
Uh, you might want to explain that, unless you brought a time machine.
I did not.
After-school specials were made-for-TV movies for pubes-- pubescents-- back in the day, which dealt with controversial subjects and socially relevant issues.
Lifetime movies for teens.
And I need a crackerjack team of writers and filmmakers who can make it happen.
We'll meet after school this week.
Feel free to ask your friends to participate.
But only the attractive ones.
We're talking HD-friendly.
Uh-uh.
Ugh, the ASS is gonna be a train wreck.
- What should we do in it? - Nothing.
Now that I'm grounded, after school is the only time we get to spend together.
Yeah, but I don't think we can get out of it.
Oh, yes, we can.
Have you been crying? Your eyes look bloodshot.
I guess I just got a little emotional when I found out about my mom.
Did something happen to L-dog? She sprained her back.
Oh, no.
Oh, I gotta call her.
No, don't do that.
She doesn't want anyone to know.
She's embarrassed.
Oh, because it happened during sex? I can neither confirm nor deny.
Hmm, I see.
I bet that Kevin's a real stingray in the sack.
Collin and I have to go straight home after school, and we can't be in your awesome video.
We're so bummed.
If I had to guess what your parents were doing, I'd say the pile driver.
Or maybe the backwards jellyfish.
Why does Collin need to be there? My mom needs help getting to the bathroom until my dad gets home.
You are released.
I take that back.
Must have been the dirty Santa Claus.
Are you trying to torture yourself, or are you just a straight-up creeper? I am just trying to wrap my head around how the hell this happened.
Why do you care? Jenna is a ho-bag slut machine who humiliated you in front of the world.
Yeah, but somewhere deep down, she's still my friend.
You are so nice, it's annoying.
The subject matter for the after-school specials ran the gamut from drunk moms to teenage prostitution to rheumatoid arthritis.
Is that funny to you, blondie? How funny you think it was for poor Carol Ann, a skater on her way to Olympic gold who woke up one day and couldn't fit her fat elephant feet into her size 6 skates? Not funny at all.
Even though every ASS had a different message, they had the same six steps to get you there.
Number one, establish the problem of the main character, the troubled teen.
Can I play her? Only if we end up doing porn star runaway or eating disorder.
Speaking of slutty, how did Jenna get out of this? Can't talk about it.
Let's just say it involved a sex injury.
Of course it did.
I have an idea.
Why don't we do a story about a troubled loser girl who's so desperate for attention she tries to commit suicide, fails, then defies all odds by becoming popular and then manages slowly but surely to alienate everyone in her life, and then she dies? I think it's perfect.
All we need is a title.
How about, What Are We Gonna Do About Jenny? I think we have a winner.
What Are We Gonna Do About-- - Jenna.
Seriously, you guys, what are we gonna do about her? I'm confused.
I thought you never wanted to talk to her again.
I don't wanna talk to her.
I wanna yell at her.
I kinda wanna smack her.
I tried to stay out of it, but I can't just sit back and watch Jenna drift into Amanda Bynesville.
So what are we gonna do? I think we're gonna need some guidance or some counseling.
Or some guidance counseling.
What do we do if we know one of our friends is in trouble? I don't know, talk to 'em, I guess.
But he, or she, won't listen to us because he, or she, has been hanging out with a really bad dude.
Oh, I see.
Your friend's having a gender identity crisis.
No, our friend is skipping school and turning into a gange-head.
You strike me as being very concerned about your friend.
I'd go so far as to call you the concerned friends.
My advice is to get involved in an after-school activity.
Ming, can you remove your hat please? Have you ever thought about acting? Tamara had a memorable scenery-chewing turn in Dead Stacey, but what about you two? I was in it too.
Eh, not so memorable.
How is acting going to help? It'll free you up as people.
Okay, please stand up.
I'd like to try some improv.
I'm confused.
Yeah, what are we supposed to be doing? You're supposed to be confused, and you are succeeding.
You, you're about to be shipped off to a German work camp.
You can only bring one friend.
The other friend will die.
Who do you choose? Don't think! I don't know, I can't decide! But I would rather die than kill off one of my friends.
Oh, impressive.
You two in the back, please step forward.
Jake, take one step back.
You two in the front row, congratulations, you made it.
You in the back, I'm sorry.
You'll have to tell your mom that you'll be late to dinner, - because you made it too! - I made what? My ASS, my after-school special video.
- No, I'm not doing that.
- Not my jam.
I'll give you a mental health day pass to skip school.
- Done.
- I'm in.
I don't need the pass.
Have you started your essay yet? I'll write it tonight.
If I can stay awake.
What time did you leave last night-- 2:00? Mm, more like 3:00.
Hey.
What is it? A ticket for the A train.
What if I need a round-trip ticket? I hadn't decided what to write my essay about, so I was just writing anything that popped into my head.
But why was it so hard to settle on a subject matter? Hero or villain? Maybe running around the block a few times would help me decide.
I had never felt so inspired and yet so scattered.
It was weird and awesome, but what was even awesomer-- There were certain things I had learned about myself over the years, but the single most important thing was I loved writing about me and all my stupid problems.
Maybe my side braid was cutting off the circulation to my brain, but I couldn't stop doing dumb stuff I would regret later.
Cut! Enough with the blogging.
Jesus.
So boring.
Am I right? - Totally.
- Watch yourself.
I wrote you into the script, and I can write you out.
This is about Jenna.
And she is not gonna like it.
Or it'll snap her out of her insanity.
Okay.
Let's move on to the "Establish the problem" montage.
Kyle, you're the good guy jock.
Jake, you're the bad guy.
Why do I have to be the bad guy? 'Cause you're always typecast as a goody-goody.
- In what? - In life.
I wasn't always a bad girl.
I was just boring and lame.
But lately, I had become a hard-core bitch who also happened to be boring and lame.
But in order to understand how I got where I was, you needed to know where I'd been.
After getting caught cheating with Calvin on my boyfriend, Danny, I lost all my friends.
I was alone.
But it wasn't long before I found a new friend to lift my spirits-- Mary Jane.
I had become an addict and a loser.
Well A more epic loser, since I was a loser from the start.
But my piece de resistance was pushing away the only people who had to love me People who were far more attractive than me and in no way, shape, or form could have been my biological parents, because they were smokin' hot.
- I hate you and your boobs! - I hate you! And it made me want to die even more than usual.
Hey, it's me.
I'm just calling to say I miss you.
I know it's only been ten seconds, but I miss you already.
Meet me in my room in 30? Okay, bye.
Whoa.
What the hell is this? - You're sick? - And you're unbelievable.
You don't even remember your own lies.
They're from Valerie.
She's doing this lame video project after school, and I can't waste my time on that when I've got an important paper to write for Mr.
Hart.
It's gonna be published in his lit magazine.
Isn't that cool? So you lied to Valerie to get out of doing her project, and you used me as your excuse, not to mention your dad, who Valerie now thinks is some crazy sex fiend.
Jenna, she sent me a jellyfish balloon.
- Mom, it's no big deal-- - Eh! Get in the car.
You are doing this lame video, and on the way over, you're gonna explain to me what a backwards jellyfish is.
Cut! I've seen rock bottom, and that wasn't it.
We are talking depths of despair, basement level, absolute bottom.
Like if your parents lost all their money.
In that case, I would definitely kill myself.
If I were Jenny.
I know how to make fake blood.
It totally looks real.
It even smells real.
But it's not.
No.
No.
No blood.
No dying.
We are not gonna win this contest with a sad ending.
This isn't the Golden Globes.
Jenny lives.
L-dog! So good to see you back on your feet, you sneaky dickens, you.
You know, I've always believed in the power of a good balloon arrangement.
That's why they call it "Heal-ium".
And I am healed! Which means Jenna doesn't have to take care of me anymore.
She is all yours.
Great! FYI, it's a closed set.
Pick up where we left off! And action! Voiceover.
I had hit rock bottom, and it felt surprisingly like home.
Even though there was nowhere to go but up, I wanted to stay there and move in.
What is this? An uber-tragic tale about a loser girl who wants to die, called What Are We Gonna Go About Jenny? You've got to be fucking kidding me.
Jenna, you are going to be concerned friend number four.
Actually, I think I'd make a much better enemy.
No, no, no, no.
You're way too goody-two-shoes to pull that off.
All right, listen up, actors.
You're in the mall.
There are zombies everywhere, and they're headed for the food court-- only you are the food.
That is your emotional state.
And action! Get out of my room! We can't watch you throw away your life! My life is over! I had a hot boyfriend who loved me even though I'm an unlovable, plain loser freak with no fashion sense, but I dumped him for a pothead douche hole, and now I have to live with that, which is why I get high just to make it through the day.
I don't care if you hate us right now.
We're your friends, and you need to hear this.
I have no friends! I'm a loser! I'm so dirty and gross and high, I just want to kill myself! Stop talking like that.
We love you.
And we're worried about you.
Actually, Jenny, I'm not worried about you at all.
You seem fine to me, so go on and live your life, which is none of our business.
We'll leave you alone.
We already left her alone, and she made some very bad choices.
So what? They were her choices.
Were they? Because it seemed like Jenny was just doing whatever her boyfriend wanted her to do.
And that guy is bad news.
They're improvising.
Oh, improv.
You don't even know Calvin, and I can say that for a fact because I hardly know him, because we're too busy getting high and doing it to have an actual conversation.
Not true-- you and Calvin have meaningful conversations all the time.
I think Jenny's just dating him 'cause she likes hanging out with a bad boy.
Or maybe because he has the sweet pot connections.
Or maybe because he owns a jet ski! She's dating him because she likes him.
End of story.
All this fighting and arguing just makes me want to die more! You are so out of it, you don't even know what you're saying! I am not out of it, and I don't need your help, so leave me alone.
Fall into a dream in a hollow room Uh, give me a minute.
Frozen in a sleep Hey.
What? Are you gonna talk to me too? Tell me I'm going down the wrong path, hanging out with bad people? You wanna warn me? Go for it.
Calling out to me Nope.
Calling out my name I'm sorry, J.
You're suspended.
I got you the pills, but this isn't enough.
It's all I got.
I'll give you the rest tomorrow, dude.
I swear.
That's not good enough.
Ugh! Oh, my God, you killed him! Oh! Calvin! Nooo All this fighting and arguing just makes me want to die more! You are so out of it, you don't even know what you're saying.
I am not out of it, and I don't need your help, so just leave me alone.
I just want to kill myself! I wanted to die.
I deserve to die.
But I guess it's time for me to start living for now.
First prize goes to Valerie Marks, for her moving portrait of a deeply troubled girl who lost her way.
Deeply troubled girl who lost her way You are so out of it, you don't even know what you're saying.
I am not out of it, and I don't need your help, so just leave me alo-- Oh, my God.
I was so busy with my ASS, I didn't see the ASS in front of my face.
Jenna is Jenny.
Why are you here? I'm the help that arrives.
Yay! Well, I don't need it, so why don't you be the help that goes the hell away? That's the pot talking.
And I am sorry that it took me so long to get up to speed-- which you might be on too.
But I'm ready now.
And as your friend, I'm ready to help, 'cause you're my girl.
Your girl.
Don't you see how weird that is? No, of course you don't, 'cause you don't understand boundaries.
I'm not your friend, and I never have been.
You're just my guidance counselor, and a sucky one at that.
Since I had known her, Valerie had always crossed the line, and I had always let it slide.
But what was the point of our special friendship if she wasn't going to let me off with a slap on the wrist? As far as I was concerned, by suspending me, she had crossed over the line to the point of no return, which is exactly where I wanted to be until I found a drug that was going to make me feel really good-- revenge.
The good thing about having been suspended? I had plenty of time to finish Hart's assignment, and I knew exactly who I would write about.
Only there weren't going to be any heroes in my story, just a villain.
One very familiar villain.
Right to share your queries of the day _ It was time for me to take that bitch down.
A piece of writing was never more perfect than in that fleeting moment between finishing it and hearing someone else's opinion.
In that moment, my Val expose was still pure, still poetry, still-- - Pass.
- What? I am not gonna publish this.
I couldn't let my "Tell all" become a "Tell none.
" That's censorship! Maybe, but that is bullshit, and the literary magazine does not print crap.
It's all true.
Ms.
Marks called you for dating advice, she listed you as her personal emergency contact, and she made you touch her breast? She thought she had a lump.
Troubling, but still "No.
" You wasted your suspension passing this kidney stone.
- And I'm not gonna print it.
- Why? - Is it too long? - Nope.
Too short? - Nope.
- Bad spelling? - Typos? - Are you still here? I'm not leaving until you tell me why you won't print it.
- Because it's cruel.
- Cruel? The man had invented the concept.
You told me to write the truth, and this is the truth.
You have to put it in the magazine.
You said you wouldn't censor us.
What if someone wrote a piece like this about you, pointing out all of your flaws? If it were true, then I'd deserve it, just like she does.
Jenna, words have power, and that's something that all writers need to understand.
This book had a huge impact on my journey as a writer.
Maybe it can do the same for you.
_ Hart's favorite book.
I couldn't wait to not read it.
As for your piece, I cannot stop you from still-birthing it into the world.
I just want you to think it over.
Fine.
But I'm not gonna change my mind.
It felt good to defy authority, and I could stand by my words and still look Val in the eye for a moment.
Jenna, my girl? Can we just thaw our suspension tension? We both said a lot of things we probably regret.
- Mostly you said them.
- I don't regret anything.
Live without regret.
That's my motto too.
Let's just end this struggle with a snuggle.
Let's not.
I'll take the advice It's cool.
We're still friends.
Friends fight.
It'll only make us stronger! Want stronger leadership? Don't be a sucker.
Vote Abby Martin for Freshman Treasurer.
Do I have food in my braces? Does my backpack have wheels? Do I wonder what a penis feels like? No! Why? 'Cause I'm not a freakin' freshman! - I'm sorry.
- Yes, we'll take some candy.
Good luck.
Well played.
But these sweets are a sour reminder.
ASB elections are next week, and Jake has done nothing for his presidential campaign.
Can you secure the Asian vote? Ooh, are you Jake's campaign manager? No, I'm his life manager, which includes his campaign.
If he's gonna win, he has to wake the sleeping dragon.
Done! I say, Asians do.
Can you have them put a hit out on Jenna's new personality? Ugh, I just wish she'd be herself.
Be "Herselves" is more like it.
Maybe she's having a hard time seeing through her pretentious fake glasses.
I didn't care what the bitches thought.
I had Collin.
Mr.
"Hart-less" won't publish my essay because he says it's cruel.
- Can you believe that? - It is.
But it's also insightful and controversial, like all great writing.
Hey, so I'm taking you out tonight.
My buddy Dave Osokow can get us into a pop-up club downtown.
Can't.
Still grounded.
- So what? - I know.
I just can't deal with my parents' bullshit.
Okay, but can we at least take the long way home? Definitely.
Where are your posters? Your opponent Myles has tons.
Myles needs posters.
He has no brand awareness.
- I don't need posters.
- You're too complacent.
You need to step it up.
No campaign, no gain.
Here is a list of things that we should be doing.
- "Aggregate polling data.
" - Mm-hmm.
What does that even mean? Look, I know how to win.
I've done it every year without your list.
I'm sorry.
How about I come over tonight and we make posters? Yes, we'll promote your platform in puff paint.
Shit! I hope I have enough puff paint.
Who am I kidding? Of course I do.
I'm still shivering from Jenna's cold shoulder.
Oh, you think it's bad for you? Imagine living with her.
- Val! - Huh? What? Sorry.
We need to do something.
If only there was some way we could intervene.
That's it! An intervention! But who's gonna lead it? Don't you do that stuff for a living? Not well, L-dog.
Not well.
We'll need an expert.
I know one! I've been to tons of these things.
Excellent.
Can you walk us through what to expect? Mm.
You know, come to think of it, I really don't remember much.
I was fairly high when it was happening.
I'm nervous.
I'm gonna need someone else to go first.
Can I go first? I'd love the chance to tell Jenna all the different ways she's been a disappointment.
And don't worry, I won't hold anything back.
There's no time limit, right? Maybe you should be the silent peer presence.
How's your supportive nod? I've never thrown an intervention before, but luckily, Google has.
I hid all the sharp objects, and I put out plenty of tissues.
And, oh, I almost forgot.
I got munchies.
Ladies, I really should be the one leading this intervention.
Today alone, I got two people to stop drinking.
And only three or four to start.
If any of you knew anything about anything, you'd know that my Twitter feed, @yourharshtruth, is blowing up.
People can't get enough of my unfiltered advice.
- Someone wants your advice? - Yes.
And here's a tip for free-- that top comes in your size too.
We already know your boobs are huge.
Why is she here again? You wanted a peer presence, and lil bitch has no friends.
Right.
Okay, here she comes.
- Places, everybody! - Oh! Oh! Oh, God.
Act natural.
What's going on here? Oh! They just dropped by - unexpectedly.
- Oops.
Why don't you come chat with us? Yes, come sit in this semicircle of furniture, where we can all see each other clearly and feel encouraged to share.
- So - So So Lil bitch, this is your intervention, unh.
- What? - What? I-I think we were supposed to build to the issue in a gentle way.
Yes.
Let me explain.
Jenna, you have a problem.
You're an asshole.
Yet again, the gentle intent was lost.
Honey, we're just worried about you.
You've been distant and Irritable.
You've lost all your friends.
You could use a good hair scrub.
Wow.
I'm touched.
I so appreciate your concern.
Thank you, mom.
I really needed this wake-up call.
I mean, uh, actually, it was-- it was my idea.
Of course.
- Can I say something? - Mm-hmm.
You're all a bunch of hypocrites.
So fuck off! My accusers were two losers, one user, and an abuser.
They were the last people I would listen to, and I was sick and tired of people telling me what I should and shouldn't do.
I was gonna do what I wanted, when I wanted, and with whom I wanted.
No one was gonna stop me.
Singing till the sun comes up _ Valerie thought I needed a wake-up call? But in reality, she was about to get one.
_ You ain't getting ahold of me Honey? I-I-- I can't believe you're serious Damn it! We didn't secure the perimeter.
Short tail, long legs Can we drink now? - Yes.
- Yes! I didn't know when the sisterhood of the blathering skanks would be back, and I wasn't gonna stick around to find out.
Dragging behind me torn sails whipping in the cold dark sea Hey.
Count me in for tonight.
You ain't getting ahold of me Holy crap! I've selected different colors based on which hallways they'll hang in, and I've cross-referenced them with my election week outfits.
This, Candidate Rosati, is your prototype "Poster with the moster.
" That is awesome.
- Told you so.
- You did.
You can totally make all my posters.
Uh, I can make your posters? - Yeah.
- Jake! This is not a free ride, this is a "We" ride.
We're doing this together.
You need to make posters so that you can shine through.
Okay, pass me a marker.
- Which color? - Whatever.
Okay! One down.
"Jake 4 Prez"? This isn't a text! Flesh it out.
You have to take a stand on issues, like the sale of flaming hot Cheetos.
Do you favor the flavor, or spurn the burn? - You can't be apathetic.
- Okay.
Fine.
Hand me another poster board.
- Mm-hmm.
- And this time, the, uh green marker, please.
Let me get you a plate.
I'm going out.
Uh, no, you're not.
You're grounded.
Which means what, exactly? Because as far as I see it, I'm about to leave.
Okay, you are out of control, and you're ruining your life.
No, you're ruining my life, just like you ruined yours.
You know what? You don't even have a life.
The only job you've had for 17 years is being a mom, and you suck at it! Do not talk to your mom that way.
Why not? Are you gonna give her the wake-up call she needs? - If you leave-- - What? Don't come back.
- Lace-- - No, Kevin.
Don't come back.
Far cry from Palos Verdes, huh? It was.
The pop-up club had popped up at the perfect time.
There was no place like away from home.
You made it! And you made it too.
Hold on.
I think I hate that girl.
So random running into Angelique here.
Actually, I invited her.
Is that cool? I was with the coolest guy at the coolest club in town.
How could I not be cool with it? Of course.
Jenna spoke the truth.
I'm a terrible mom.
I failed her, and then I drove her away.
I have to fix this.
I have to tell her she can come home.
- No! - Wha-- - No? - No! Lace, you showed her the tough love she deserves.
But maybe I was too tough.
Frankly, I don't think you were tough enough.
If she wants to be independent, she can learn the hard way, on the streets, alone with thugs and rapists.
Oh, God, our baby.
No! - Don't break! - But she needs her daddy! I think you just broke your phone.
That was my phone.
Well, good.
Because we can't let her manipulate us.
We have to stay strong.
- It is time for tough love.
- I can't.
- You can.
- I don't want to.
That's why it's tough.
Okay.
You're right.
Let's just hope, wherever she is, Jenna is making good choices.
- My fire is wild - Brain Eraser, or Gut Rot? - Brain Eraser.
- Gut Rot.
- Whoo! - My rage is deep Yeah! All right! One black eye Yeah, all right! - Taking it to the next level.
- Busted teeth Speaking of next level.
Ooh! Either Angelique really liked candy, or-- Tonight's festivities are brought to you by the letter X.
You really light me up In the moment, I didn't know if my mind could take any more expanding, so I blamed it on my bladder.
I need to use the bathroom.
Be right back.
- You really light me up - Oh, oh, oh Bathroom line shots! Sorry I ran away.
You ran away? - Wasn't it obvious? - Yeah.
I just didn't feel ready to try ecstasy for the first time.
Oh, no.
I feel awful.
What? No, it's fine.
Why would you feel bad? I put the E in your drink.
I was through the looking glass and apparently down the "Grab it" hole, and the ecstasy was definitely having an effect on Collin and Angelique.
I, on the other hand, was way too freaked out to be blissed out.
Hey, feel this.
It's amazing.
Oh, amazing.
Here, Jenna, you gotta feel.
Yeah, it's amazing.
It wasn't amazing.
I love you guys.
Um, shouldn't we do this somewhere in private? Oh, no, she's cool, you're cool, right, Ang? Yeah.
I'm totally cool.
Okay.
Angelique was definitely cool, and not afraid of beard burn or boundaries.
Jake! You need to push your boundaries! Get out of your comfort zone! Go Don Draper on this paper.
Take the time to make it rhyme.
Don't be bitter, add more glitter! - Stop it! - Rhyming? No, telling me what to do! - You're suffocating me.
- I'm trying to help you.
No, you're trying to turn me into the prototype of a perfect boyfriend.
And I try, and I try everything that you say, but you still have more criticism.
I'm sorry that I want us to work on our relationship.
"Us"? I do all the work.
You don't think I work to be a good girlfriend? I just made you 20 posters! That I didn't ask for! You think you know better about everything.
Well, this is the one thing that I know how to do, and you don't.
You would make the worst president ever.
I don't need rhyming slogans or glitter or to dot my "I" s with little stars.
I can write anything on my posters and still win! Oh, yeah? Could you write this? _ You wouldn't dare.
Oh, wouldn't I? Put that glitter down.
So there was an excess caress.
It was okay.
It wasn't like I was in a threesome.
And she had to put her hand somewhere.
It definitely didn't mean I was in a threesome.
Or I was in a threesome.
I'm not comfortable.
- Take off your jacket.
- I'll help you.
No.
No.
I need to go home.
Right now.
Oh.
Okay.
See ya.
I may have been high, but I'd never felt so low.
I was scared, alone, and my lack of cash or credit matched my lack of options.
I had to call someone.
It starts turning it on Not my parents This is it Or my friends.
There was only one last resort, and I was desperate.
Not shutting off Hey, it's me.
Can you come pick me up? The sun is moving in Do you need me to stop and get you some water or something? I'm okay.
It's just an earring.
But it's not mine.
Almost like a dream Almost like a dream And nothing's closing in Is there anything else you need me to do? Can you hold me? Yeah.
Thank you for being my hero.
That's all I ever wanted to be.
And we were always dreaming of the day that would never come - Next on Awkward - Hey, guys! - Hey.
- Hi.
During my sanity sabbatical, I wrote a mean essay about Val for the lit magazine.
Don't worry, people only read the Experior for the sex stories.
Nobody's gonna bother with your essay.
Your essay is awesome! That's why you're sorry? Is there something else I should be apologizing for? Did you sleep with Angelique?