Bewitched (1964) s03e16 Episode Script

Watch it.
Careful.
I bet I know what you're thinking.
"There must be an easier way.
" There is, but it might shake you up a bit.
What? Here we go.
All set, Johnny.
I sure appreciate this, Mrs.
Stephens.
If it weren't for you, I'd have no way to get down to the track and practice.
I'm happy to help, Johnny.
But I still don't see the point of practicing for a race you don't think you'll be able to enter.
I guess it's just my nutty way of hoping against hope.
All right, stand back.
Oh, hi, Mrs.
Kravitz, what are you doing here? Me? I only happen to be the aunt of Flash Kravitz the fastest soapbox-derby racer in the future history of soapbox-derby racing.
Really? That's wonderful.
He's staying with us until he wins the local races.
Then, naturally, he's going on to win at Akron.
- Naturally.
- What are you doing here? Oh, I came with my friend, Johnny Mills.
Well, if you don't mind, Mrs.
Stephens I wish you wouldn't look at Flash.
Mrs.
Kravitz, I'm afraid I don't know what you mean.
Let's just say I'm superstitious.
Which, incidentally, I never was until I met you.
Beat it, kid.
I'm class A, and this is a time trial.
I'm racing against the clock.
It won't hurt anything if I race with you.
In that pile of junk? Don't make me laugh.
The Gray Goose may not be painted as fancy as yours but I'll beat you to the finish line.
- Not if you had jet engines.
Go back on your skateboard, kid.
I don't race with amateurs.
Flash.
Wait! You're not gonna let him race with you.
Well, if he wants to eat my dust, that's his hang-up.
It certainly is.
Ready, set go! Come on, Flash! Get your weight forward! Come on! So as Johnny and I drove home that's when he asked me if I could keep the racer.
Why can't he keep it at home? Where's he been keeping it? That's what I wanted to know, but I didn't find out much.
All I know is there's just the boy and his father.
He's the garage man, you know, Mills Auto Service? - Yeah.
- Well, for some reason Johnny doesn't want his father to know about the racer.
That doesn't make any sense.
Who'd be more interested in his kid's racing car than a garage mechanic? - You figure it out.
- I don't wanna figure it out.
I don't wanna get involved.
And I don't want you involved either.
- I'm not involved.
- Sam you're helping a 12-year-old deceive his father.
You don't call that "involved"? Darrin, did you tell your father everything when you were 12? We're not talking about me.
It's been a long time since I was 12.
- Wanna lick the spoon? It's chocolate.
- Oh, yeah, I love your chocolate.
Sam, that's not fair.
Well, neither is sitting in judgment on a boy when you don't know the whole story.
Say, have I heard the whole story? You didn't interfere when the boys were racing, did you? I told you, they were only practicing.
But you didn't tell me, did you interfere? Well, if you could call straightening a wobbly wheel interfering I could.
Oh, that must be Johnny, he said he'd be back.
- Would you answer the door? - We'll continue this discussion later.
Not if I can help it.
- Mr.
Stephens? - You must be Johnny.
Yes, sir.
I came to work on my racer.
- I've got a wheel problem.
- So I've heard.
Come inside a minute, son.
I'd like to talk to you.
Sam, we have a guest.
- Hiya, Johnny.
- Hi, Mrs.
Stephens.
Thanks for keeping my car in your garage.
- I was happy to do it.
- Sit down, Johnny.
Think a little piece would spoil your dinner? I could risk it.
Why don't you want your father to know about the racer? Oh, lots of reasons.
None of them really very interesting.
Why don't you let us decide that for ourselves.
Well, Dad doesn't know I built the racer.
Tommy Summers let me build it in his garage.
But it was taking up too much room.
That's why I had to ask you.
Why keep the racer a secret? Your dad's a mechanic, he could've helped you.
The soapbox-derby rules says you gotta build it all by yourself.
And anyway, you don't know my dad.
- He'd have thrown a fit.
- Why? Well, because Look, my dad's a great guy, about the greatest there is but he's got this thing about me becoming a doctor.
What's building a racer got to do with becoming a doctor? With my dad, everything has something to do with becoming a doctor.
- You wanna be a doctor? - Sure, I I guess so.
If it'll make Dad happy.
Mrs.
Stephens, I gotta go.
Thanks for the cake.
And thanks again for keeping my car.
Johnny, wait a minute.
- What are you going? - Good luck, Johnny.
We hope you win the derby and become a doctor.
Thanks.
Mrs.
Stephens, I got one other problem.
- Okay.
- You see they won't let me race in the derby unless my parent or guardian signs the application.
- Johnny, we can't sign it for you.
- Oh, I know that.
That'd be illegal.
Anyway, I was going to ask my dad to sign it after I got the racer all built.
Well, the race is on Saturday and I'm kind of scared to ask him.
Would you? I'll bet he'd have a tough time saying no to you.
- Speaking from experience - Yeah, I'd be willing to give it a try.
Mr.
Mills don't you understand, if you don't sign this, Johnny won't be able to race.
- That lousy bolt's frozen.
- He's got a good chance of winning.
And if I don't fix this buggy by 8:00 l've got a good chance of getting the riot act from the guy that owns this car.
Mr.
Mills, haven't you got just five minutes to stand up and talk to me? Look, Mrs.
Stephens, you're a very nice lady and a very good customer and I appreciate your business, but my son is my son.
- All right? - Yes, I know.
The only reason I am asking is because your son is afraid to ask.
How about people.
They see a kid without a mother, and right away they figure they got a right to stick their nose in.
I told you, I gotta get finished with this car.
Is that more important than Johnny? Look, do you think I like working You know what it costs to send a kid through college and medical school? Yes.
Yes, I know it's very expensive.
But did you realize that the soapbox-derby finalists win college scholarships? Well, that's terrific.
If I figured like that, I'd take all the profits from this garage and I'd try to win his tuition in a crap game, you get the same odds.
Mr.
Mills, Johnny's racer is already built.
He'd only have to take one afternoon off from his studies.
Surely he can spare that.
This thing won't budge.
It come loose.
Mr.
Mills, please? Please? All right, all right.
Give him a little encouragement, he thinks a lot of you.
Yeah, that's his trouble.
He thinks too much of a $150-a-week grease monkey.
Will you come watch him race on Saturday? Boy, give them an inch Lady, on Saturdays I'm up to my ears in work.
You got so much free time, you go watch him race.
All right.
I will.
Mission accomplished.
Johnny, you got time to put these on? Hey, brand-new regulation wheels! Now I can pass inspection.
- Thanks, Mr.
Stephens.
- It's okay, Johnny.
- You too, Mrs.
Stephens.
- Glad to do it.
- Hurry.
Not long before the first race.
- Right.
Look who didn't wanna get involved.
Come here.
- Come on, there are kids around here.
- Yeah.
Too bad, huh? Get those wheels on, Johnny.
We'll be rooting for you.
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
Mrs.
Stephens, you will watch for my dad, won't you? I mean, in case he does come.
- Sure, Johnny.
- Contestants for the next heat are Jim Kleinman, Johnny Mills, Don Bellow.
- Come on, Johnny! - Come on, Johnny.
- Come on, faster! - Come on, Johnny! - Oh, come on, Johnny.
Faster! - Come on, Johnny! There he goes! There he goes! He won! The winner in class B, Johnny Mills.
- He won! - I make it 28.
7 seconds.
That's good.
I knew he could do it.
I knew he could do it! Thattaboy, Johnny! - Oh, there, there, there.
- Figured.
And the winner in class A, Leroy Kravitz.
Looks like he and Johnny will be racing each other.
I think so.
The finals! Abner, Flash is gonna be in the finals! In that case, I'll have another hot dog.
The bases are loaded again! Ladies and gentlemen, the drivers in this final championship heat of the local soapbox derby are Johnny Mills and Leroy Kravitz.
Drivers to the starting line.
Remember now, let him do it on his own.
No funny help.
- Why, Darrin, do you think I'd stoop? - No.
But you might get excited and lose control.
They blew it.
- Who? - Who else? The Mets! - Come on, Johnny! Come on! - Let's go, Johnny! - Oh, faster.
Faster, Johnny! - Stay back, Flash! Come on, Johnny! Come on! Oh, he may make it.
Oh, come on! Faster.
Oh, I promise, witch's honour.
Come on, Johnny.
Johnny! - Go, Johnny! Come on! Faster! - Go, Johnny! There you go! - Come on, Johnny! - He won! He won! Hi, Johnny! He won! He won! The winner, and this year's champion, is Johnny Mills.
See, I told you they were doing something funny.
Okay, so why don't you do something funny? Like mind your own business, for a change.
This is my business.
And I think it needs further investigation.
Congratulations, Johnny.
Now I can say that I know a local soapbox-derby champion.
Congratulations, champ.
Say, you gave us a bad moment in that last heat.
Attention.
Ladies and gentlemen there'll be a delay before the presentation of the trophies.
Will Johnny Mills and his parents please report to the soapbox-derby headquarters immediately.
I wonder what that's all about.
Hello, Johnny.
I'm Mr.
Martin of the derby rules committee.
Are you Mr.
And Mrs.
Mills? - No, we're just friends.
- Is anything the matter? Well, we've had a rather strange complaint from a Mrs.
Gladys Kravitz.
Do you know her? Well, she's I don't like to say this.
- Weird.
She is, isn't she? And most difficult to cope with.
She has insisted that Johnny here got illegal help in winning this race.
We've got to clear this thing up before we can declare him the winner.
I built the car all by myself.
Honest.
I'm sure you did, son.
And I'm sure you can prove it.
Now, where are your parents? - Your father did sign the application.
- Yes, sir.
What's the? What's the nature of the charges? They, like Mrs.
Kravitz, are also weird.
But we're gonna have an informal hearing as soon as we can round up all the judges.
- Now, where is your father, Johnny? - Well, Mr.
Mills was delayed.
He got sick.
He really wanted to come, but he got sick.
Well, he should be here to help answer the charges.
Darrin, why don't you go along with Mr.
Martin and Johnny.
I'll phone Mr.
Mills and see if he's feeling better.
Don't you worry.
Come along with me.
Come on, Johnny.
Mr.
Mills, Johnny needs you.
Johnny never cheated on anything in his life.
Let him tell the judges that.
They'll believe him.
Why should they, when his own father won't come down and stand up for him? Well, what can I do? Look, I know it's tough on the kid but there are more important things than soapbox derbies.
Yeah, I agree.
Like a boy who has to say his father's sick because he's too ashamed to admit he isn't interested in going to the race.
He gets a roof over his head three meals a day and a chance to go to college so that he won't have to pump gas for 12 hours a day.
If that ain't good enough, that's just too bad.
Oh, please, Mr.
Mills.
It'll only take an hour.
Look, Mrs.
Stephens, I got three tires to fix on that one over there.
I have to replace the carburettor in that one and a complete brake reline on that one there.
All before 6:00.
If all those things were done, could you come? How they gonna get done? You got a magic wand? - What's a carburettor look like? - Mrs.
Stephens, please, go away.
- Is it that thing? - Yeah.
Now, go away.
Okay.
Mr.
Mills, is that the car without the tires? It seems to have them all.
- They was laying on the ground.
- Isn't that a carburettor? No.
Nobody can hook up one of them things that quick.
Oh, you must have done it this morning and forgot.
You've been awfully busy.
- Did I forget about the brake reline too? - I don't know.
The heck with it.
Let's go, Mrs.
Stephens.
I I better change my clothes.
I can't go looking like a bum.
You look just fine.
Besides, it's a hearing, not a formal dinner party.
Come on.
Come on.
Mrs.
Kravitz, can you be a little more specific? Exactly in what way did Johnny here get illegal help? Well, you saw the way he was behind in the last heat.
And then he caught up like magic.
And I don't use the word loosely.
How about not using the word at all? Well, the same peculiar thing happened when he was racing with my Flash and they were just practicing.
What's so peculiar about that? Drivers often come from behind.
Both times, Samantha Stephens was there.
That's my wife.
She's sort of been coaching Johnny.
She's been doing more than just coaching.
She's always doing more than she should be when she should be doing something.
The things I could tell you The things I could tell you.
Johnny did anyone help you build your car? No, sir.
Dad! It's okay, kid.
What'd they say you did? Mr.
Mills, won't you sit down.
We're just trying to make sure that Johnny built his racer himself.
If he says he did, he did.
Look, I'm a mechanic if he didn't ask me for help, why would he ask anyone else? Now, please, everybody, sit down.
Johnny, can you tell us how you constructed the brake assembly? Yes, sir.
I used the tools at school.
In wood shop.
I built the car in my friend Tommy's garage.
We had some old tires, so we used a piece of them for the braking surface.
I attached the rod to the front-end plate with an eyebolt.
Then, for the rear housing, I used regular door springs and some hinges.
I had a little bit of trouble getting the regulation 3-inch ground clearance but after I switched the hinge, it was okay.
- Where did you learn all that stuff? - From you, Pop.
You're the best mechanic in town.
- Can I say something? - Certainly, Mr.
Mills.
My kid never lied about anything in his life except maybe today, when he said that I was sick.
I wasn't sick.
I was stupid.
Well, that's all I wanted to say, but if you wanna make out that my kid didn't win because he got help from somebody you better be able to prove it pretty good.
Thank you, Mr.
Mills.
Congratulations, Johnny.
I think we can give you your trophy and your $500 bond right now.
And we also want you to know that we're very proud to have you represent our city in the finals at Akron.
Come on, Abner.
We don't have to listen to this.
We're leaving.
Are you going with him to Akron? Why should she go with him? I'm the kid's old man, ain't I? Lady, how about taking over the station while me and the kid are out of town? When you show up, things have a way of working and working out.
No, thank you, Mr.
Mills.
I'm retiring.
By special request.
Seventy thousand spectators crowded the stands in Akron Oh, darling, isn't it wonderful about Johnny? I just can't believe it.
It's fantastic.
There were over Well, he won the scholarship, that's the important thing.
No more problems about college.
His father won't have to worry about that now.
There he is! This year's winner was Johnny Mills.
As the crowd cheers the new champion Johnny was paraded down the track on which, only minutes before he had beaten two other finalists in the championship heat.
Johnny qualified for the all-American derby by beating all other entrants in the local trials of his community.
At the finish line, Johnny was joined by his father who shared in the excitement.
If anybody ever made a boy's dreams come true Well, thank you, darling.
You're pretty good at making a man's dreams come true too.