Cow and Chicken (1997) s03e16 Episode Script

1
Hey! What is that sound
you are makin' with your mouth, Cow?
Oh, I am whistling. Isn't it beau-moo-tiful?
Everyone can whistle, Chicken.
It is one of life's most special of gifts.
Okay.
Man! You got your germs all over it!
What are you lookin' at?
Man! Everybody can whistle but me!
Why the long pointy face?
I can't whistle.
Well, Chicken, this is your lucky day!
I'm Professor Hineybottom.
Professor of Teaching Whistling.
You could help me to whistle?
I'll teach you to whistle
or double your air back!
Put this whistling suit on! Please?
Lesson one!
A whistle is achieved by forcing air
through the pucker organs located
under the nose!
You mean the lips?
Lips, pucker organs, whatever!
Who's the teacher here?
Hey! Is this really a movie?
Oh, let's try something else.
You're not getting it, Sparky.
Manly, yes. But I like it, too.
I use this technique for my idiot students.
Okay! Blow!
Kind of like whistling, don't you think?
Who am I kidding?
As a whistling teacher, I'm a fat failure!
Listen, Chicken! It's simple!
You just pucker up your lips and blow.
But Professor Hineybottom,
I ain't got no lips.
I'm a chicken.
Oh, well, that leaves only one option.
Did I mention
I was also a whistle surgery surgeon?
I hope my big brother is going to be okay.
Oh, if only I hadn't been whistling
in front of him,
he wouldn't be facing the knife!
Oh, I wish I never whistled a day in my life!
Why was I blessed with lips?
So, how are we doing?
Oh, just fine. And how are you?
Lip surgery coming up.
Well, let's see
What's in my little bucket of lips?
Fish lips!
Nope!
I got one, Daddy!
And I think it is a keeper!
Walrus lips!
Not walrus lips!
What? Not pleased?
Well, some people
just don't appreciate true genius.
All right, let's see!
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Try these on for size!
There we go!
Ear wax lips!
No!
I've failed!
Oh, please, please, please!
Don't sue Dr. Hineybottom.
Pretend you didn't see this.
Dr. Hineybottom?
The man who can't cry is ready
for his crying surgery.
Man, I'm good.
Chicken? Not everyone can whistle.
Whistling is only one of life's greatest gifts.
There are a lot more greatest gifts.
Really? Like what?
Oh, yeah!
Well, Mama,
our son isn't a complete failure.
Now I can die happy.
Dad, we are truly blessed
with gifted children.
You know, people are always asking me,
"Hey, Red!
How come you are so fetching?"
What can I say?
I'm slim hipped and all muscle.
And having an outtie belly button
don't hurt neither!
End of beauty tip!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Hello. Welcoming to Weenie Boil.
Can I.R. taking your order?
Yes, my good man.
I'd like a boiled weenie, please.
It's Weasel!
Oh, I.R.'s rich idiot neighbor.
He think he so smart 'cause
he having beautiful wife and childrens.
I.R. having beautiful trailer.
I'm happy for you.
This weenie's upside down.
Nice try, though.
Va mi esposo.
Hello, Conchita.
How was your day?
Oh, you know, the usual.
I solved the economic crisis in Brunei.
I cured the Pope's rickets.
And the boss put me in charge
of toilet paper distribution.
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy's home!
Did you bring us something?
I got all "A's" on my report card!
What did you bring us?
Okay, okay.
I brought you both something.
For you, Sandy,
"The Ins and Outs of Quantum Mechanics".
Oh you're the bestest Daddy ever!
And for you, little Stevie,
an Admiral Algebra Action Doll!
The co-sign of pi is the hypotenuse
of the quadrilateral of F-squared.
Daddy, you're special!
Let's get ready for the barbecue!
Hey! Who are you being?
I am your wife, you ungrateful pinhead!
My wife?
Yes! Your wife!
You don't remember me?
I slave away in front of TV all day long,
While you sit and do nothing at work!
I.R. sorry.
Waiting a minute! I.R. not having wife!
But I
Crazy lady keeping out of I.R.'s trailer!
Weasel and Weasel wife
barbecuing pork gizzards!
Oh, I.R.'s favorite food.
Oh, it is perfect opportunity for
stealing gizzard from you wretched Weasel.
Look at me, Mom!
Good heavens!
Somebody at the butcher shop
must have mixed
this filthy baboon hand
in with our pork gizzards.
Excusing me.
This my filthy baboon hand.
Look, Conchita!
It's our next-door neighbor.
I suppose the neighborly thing to do
would be to invite our neighbor to dinner.
What say you, neighbor?
I'll take that as a "yes"
Dinner's on!
I.R. having Weasel success.
Should be I.R. married to Conchita,
and having half-baboon childrens.
Should be Weasel
married to pants-less woman!
Come back and give your wife a kiss!
Weasel having
twenty-four carat gold silverwares?
Using money for napi-kins?
So
My lovely wife, Conchita here,
is a world renowned investment banker.
Sandy and Stevie are both
in the gifted program at school.
Hey, mister?
Want to see my science project?
It's called the Atomic De-Atomicalizer!
Stevie! I thought
I told you not to do that at the table!
Kids these days.
Please tell us about yourself,
Señor Baboon.
I.R. rich business type tycoon.
Your uniform would seem
to indicate fast food service.
Hey! Grease stains are latest fashion!
Who are you being to judge I.R.?
I.R. having prettier wife
than ugly Weasel wife.
And I.R. having three childrens
smarter than stupidest Weasel childrens!
My good man.
Why didn't you tell me you had a family?
I insist that you invite them
over for dessert.
I.R. being right back.
Here's your pie, boys!
Well, neighbor,
your family is actually quite charming.
Your wife is a vision of beauty.
Oh, you!
And your children are so well behaved.
This is I.R. Junior.
Opening wide, Enrique.
Mom? Is that monkey crazy?
The simple life.
Great daydream, Weasel.