Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s03e16 Episode Script
The Show Musn't Go On
You got to love this guy.
The man has got definite style.
He's so smooth.
No kidding.
He's here! Maybe I should get a motorcycle.
With the endoscope in the esophagus, you can see large esophageal varices.
I'm not surprised she's been bleeding.
How does something like this happen? Rachel has cirrhosis of the liver.
Variceal bleeding indicates her condition's advanced.
Sclerotherapy is only a stopgap measure until we find a liver donor.
How long could that take? She's already been waiting three months.
Three months? That's tough.
She's a tough kid.
I'm in awe of you guys.
Compared to a liver transplant, this procedure must seem like a walk in the park.
There are no minor procedures, Rick.
Patients under sedation are at risk.
Doctors can't take that responsibility lightly.
This is why I chose you.
I've studied enough cynical older doctors.
I wanted my character more idealistic, caring.
That's you.
Well Next week you won't even know I'm here.
I'll be a fly on the wall.
Right.
He's so gorgeous.
Think he saw me staring? Think he heard me panting? Excuse me.
I thought you two were terrific.
Thanks, Mr.
O'Neill.
Ahem.
Rick.
Curly spaulding.
And this is Jamie.
Hi, Rick.
I just wanted to say these doctors are lucky to have you here.
In my eyes, nurses are the unsung heroes of medicine.
I hope you were listening.
What? I love you guys.
You made new fans in there.
Our writers are finishing a script where I perform a heart transplant.
I'd like it to make it a liver transplant, maybe based on Rachel's story.
- What do you think? - That would be terrific.
She's really struggled.
Even after a transplant, she's not out of the woods yet.
This would give her something to look forward to.
Besides no one's done a liver in primetime.
Would you mind signing this out? Hospital procedure.
Thank you.
What was that? We're talking memorabilia here.
This stuff is worth major shekels.
Rachel, slow down.
There's more where that came from.
Hi, Rachel.
Hi, doctor howser.
How are you feeling today? Not too bad.
My throat's a little sore.
I'm having really weird dreams.
Under heavy sedation, patients often experience rem-like sequences.
I thought miles chambers, the guy from l.
a.
med, was operating on me.
Well, he didn't actually operate.
But I watched.
Oh, my god! You have a very attractive esophagus.
And your glottis ain't too bad either.
I'm here for a few days observing Dr.
howser.
You did great.
Well, it wasn't like major surgery or anything.
Rachel, there are no minor surgeries.
Every time you're under sedation, you're at risk.
Doctors shouldn't take that lightly, especially with someone special.
Thanks.
He's good.
You know, Rachel, Rick's talking about having your story on his show.
How would you feel about that? Are you kidding? A story about me? O.
K.
We'll check on you later, all right? O.
K.
If I stay a while? Fine.
We have got a full patient load this morning.
Our next patient's People.
Oh, right.
Hi, mom.
He's not here, is he? I'm not ready.
He's not due for another hour.
Are you making a big deal out of dinner? Our usual Wednesday dinner.
Nothing special.
Just starting with split pea soup, then a light salad, then the rack of lamb.
Oh, it's only doogie.
Oh, Mrs.
delpino sent over a lovely spinach souffle.
I've worked with great directors.
Spielberg's one of the best, though I think e.
T.
Was a bit pretentious.
So true, Rick, so true.
As a filmmaker myself, I find the mise en scene incredibly flawed.
Who cares? Shut up.
Vinnie, you saw e.
T.
12 times.
You cry when you hear the music in an elevator.
You don't understand.
He's not in the business.
More water, Rick? I could use a refill, cupcake.
Thank you, darling.
You lead such a glamorous life.
It must be so exciting.
Believe me, my life's more exciting from the outside.
Talk about exciting.
The other day, a man came in, he'd been attacked by his own dog.
It took three hours to sew him up.
Really? Yeah.
Well, who would like dessert? Rick? Sure.
Let me take that, Rick.
A little help, Vinnie? Oh.
I'll take that for you.
So, David, with your busy schedule, you get much chance to catch my show? To be honest, as a doctor, it's difficult for me to appreciate it.
You don't have a single doctor over the age of 35.
That's exactly what my father said.
You remind me of him.
I can see where doogie gets his character.
Was he an actor, too? In a way.
He was a door-to-door salesman for 22 years.
Never asked for any credit.
Sales were his applause.
I owe much of my success to him.
Fathers are the unsung heroes of their sons' lives.
That's a touching tribute, Rick.
Not all sons recognize their fathers' contribution, or if they do, they don't let them know it.
Doogie, you read that script I sent you? No.
I'll read it tonight.
Let me know if there's any technical problems.
Dr.
canfield will be here in a minute.
He wants to show off his 18-year-old doctor to some bigwigs who are springing to upgrade our o.
R.
S.
You don't have to hang around.
I don't mind.
Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dr.
Douglas howser.
How are you? And this is Rick O'Neill.
Dr.
miles chambers.
It's a thrill to meet you.
We were told you were shooting tomorrow.
They're shooting here? That's right.
In the O.
R.
that's being renovated.
It's a publicity stunt.
You know, they look good, we look good.
Why wasn't I told about this? You just were.
Hey! I was almost done with that! Don't open my mail.
Bad day at the office, dear? Kidding? How could I? I had the honor of being in Rick's company for the last 12 hours.
Do I detect sarcasm here? I hate this guy.
This whole thing's become a total joke.
You can't believe the lengths people go to kiss this guy's butt.
Sure, because he's a superstar.
He's not like you and me.
That's what he wants you to think, that he's the wise, compassionate Dr.
chambers.
But the truth is, he is a total phony.
You're the real thing, and Rick's a fraud? That's right.
I see.
Ahem.
It must be cold there in his shadow To never have sunshine on your face 'Cause you are the wind beneath his wings Is there a point to all this? You're jealous, doog.
- What? - Face it.
Your whole life, you've been the center of attention.
Somebody steals your spotlight, you can't handle it.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Au contraire, howser.
If anyone can recognize a man in the throes of a jealous fit, it's me.
O.
K.
Let's just forget it.
Forget I brought it up.
O.
K.
So how was this? It's very moving, actually.
Most shows would have gone for the cheap heroics.
A girl buys it at the end.
What girl? The liver girl.
They find her a donor, but she dies on the table.
See? Right here.
Boom! History.
I thought you loved me.
My responsibility is to my patients.
Cut.
Print it.
That was beautiful, Rick.
O.
K.
, people, let's break for lunch.
How am I doing? Great.
You're doing great.
Rick, I think it's a big mistake to have Rachel's character die.
We felt killing her off would be more dramatic.
Dramatic, maybe, but consider the effect on Rachel.
This could destroy any hope she has for recovery.
What's happened to Rachel is horrible, but l.
a.
med'sjob is to entertain.
What about your responsibility to your audience? Our responsibility is to be medically accurate.
You said liver transplants are risky.
They could go either way.
Why not give her the benefit of the doubt? We made a creative decision.
The decision sucks! People survive liver transplants.
This gives the impression they don't.
What about potential donors who won't come forward after this? We can't be advocates for every cause.
We'd never have patients die.
I'm talking about Rachel.
You changed the rules by making it her show.
She is going to identify with this character.
Rachel's going to be fine.
In my eyes, she's got the best damn doctor in this hospital.
The man is too cool.
No, no.
The man is too pompous.
He is also a self-serving, self-obsessed, egomaniacal, manipulative, patronizing, arrogant weasel.
I'll let him do the show his way.
Then I'll tell everyone I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen.
People will see what a jerk Mr.
l.
a.
medreally is.
Yeah, yeah.
This is perfect.
Howser, howser, howser, howser.
What? I've never seen this twisted, dark side of yours.
Frankly, I'm impressed.
What dark side? Most men would try to overcome their petty jealousy and help the liver girl.
But not you.
You have that rare ability to exact revenge no matter what the cost.
Welcome to the gutter, doog.
O.
K.
, o.
K.
You're right.
I can't believe I'm actually jealous of this creep.
It took me years to get used to living in your shadow.
Eventually I became a human mushroom, flourishing in the dark.
Just learn to get what you need from Rick.
How do I do that? He's filming Rachel's death scene tomorrow.
Simple, doog.
See, doctors have egos.
Genius doctors have even bigger egos.
But nobody sucks the spotlight like an actor.
You want to help Rachel, feed Rick's ego.
All right.
I need you here so he's clear for the medium shot.
Do it.
O.
K.
, people.
Let's have it quiet, please.
Here's your tear, Rick.
Roll, please.
Rolling.
Speed Mark And action! You did everything you could.
How can you say that? When a patient dies, it's never enough.
She was 20 years old.
Cut! What? Sorry, Rick.
Camera problems.
We're going to need a few minutes.
Doogie, Vinnie, the scene you wrote was pretty good.
Yeah? We know it could be better.
You're the professional.
What do you mean, better? Your hearts were in the right place, but this just is not our show.
This is miles chambers' finest moment, using his own blood to save a life.
I should never have let you talk me into Excuse us.
He saves her with his own blood? He might as well transplant his own liver.
You liked it last night.
I was desperate.
This idea of the heroic doctor is crap anyway.
The patients are the heroes.
They go through all the suffering, the pain.
Nobody thinks about that.
They're busy congratulating doctors.
That's good.
What is, Rick? A selfless doctor refusing to take credit for saving his patient's life.
Very noble.
- I'm weeping.
- Me, too.
Somebody get me a writer! Right away! Rolling.
Mark And action! Dr.
chambers? Shh.
You're going to be fine, Rebecca.
Get some sleep.
Congratulations, miles.
That girl owes you her life.
Don't congratulate me, George.
Rebecca's the one who had to go through all the suffering.
For three months, she's been lying here alone, scared, fighting to stay alive.
There's a lesson in her courage, George.
We're not the heroes.
She is.
Dr.
miles chambers, you're wanted in O.
R.
3 for consultation.
Dr.
miles chambers, you're wanted in O.
R.
3 for consultation.
Cut! Print it.
He's terrific, isn't he? Thanks for being my inspiration.
Ohh! Come see me when you get out of here.
O.
K.
All right, Rachel, let's get you back upstairs.
Nurse spaulding, I think I'm going to become an actress when I get out.
I know it won't be easy, but I can take classes Meeting Rick O'Neill was fun, but I'm glad he's history.
Me, too.
Usually I'm just in your shadow.
Around him, I'm so far in the dark, I'm mold.
Imagine the impact it would have had on Rachel.
On our show, we have a responsibility.
We're more than just entertainment.
What a jerk.
Having Rick here wasn't all bad.
Did I miss something? He helped me realize my days of being the famous kid doctor are almost over.
It's o.
K.
Being a doctor's enough.
You love being famous! It's going to kill you.
No way.
Good night, Dr.
howser.
Good night, nurse Richardson.
Keep up the good work.
Good night, nurse Richardson.
Keep up the good work.
I read you like a book, doog.
Get in there.
Come on, let's see what you got.
The man has got definite style.
He's so smooth.
No kidding.
He's here! Maybe I should get a motorcycle.
With the endoscope in the esophagus, you can see large esophageal varices.
I'm not surprised she's been bleeding.
How does something like this happen? Rachel has cirrhosis of the liver.
Variceal bleeding indicates her condition's advanced.
Sclerotherapy is only a stopgap measure until we find a liver donor.
How long could that take? She's already been waiting three months.
Three months? That's tough.
She's a tough kid.
I'm in awe of you guys.
Compared to a liver transplant, this procedure must seem like a walk in the park.
There are no minor procedures, Rick.
Patients under sedation are at risk.
Doctors can't take that responsibility lightly.
This is why I chose you.
I've studied enough cynical older doctors.
I wanted my character more idealistic, caring.
That's you.
Well Next week you won't even know I'm here.
I'll be a fly on the wall.
Right.
He's so gorgeous.
Think he saw me staring? Think he heard me panting? Excuse me.
I thought you two were terrific.
Thanks, Mr.
O'Neill.
Ahem.
Rick.
Curly spaulding.
And this is Jamie.
Hi, Rick.
I just wanted to say these doctors are lucky to have you here.
In my eyes, nurses are the unsung heroes of medicine.
I hope you were listening.
What? I love you guys.
You made new fans in there.
Our writers are finishing a script where I perform a heart transplant.
I'd like it to make it a liver transplant, maybe based on Rachel's story.
- What do you think? - That would be terrific.
She's really struggled.
Even after a transplant, she's not out of the woods yet.
This would give her something to look forward to.
Besides no one's done a liver in primetime.
Would you mind signing this out? Hospital procedure.
Thank you.
What was that? We're talking memorabilia here.
This stuff is worth major shekels.
Rachel, slow down.
There's more where that came from.
Hi, Rachel.
Hi, doctor howser.
How are you feeling today? Not too bad.
My throat's a little sore.
I'm having really weird dreams.
Under heavy sedation, patients often experience rem-like sequences.
I thought miles chambers, the guy from l.
a.
med, was operating on me.
Well, he didn't actually operate.
But I watched.
Oh, my god! You have a very attractive esophagus.
And your glottis ain't too bad either.
I'm here for a few days observing Dr.
howser.
You did great.
Well, it wasn't like major surgery or anything.
Rachel, there are no minor surgeries.
Every time you're under sedation, you're at risk.
Doctors shouldn't take that lightly, especially with someone special.
Thanks.
He's good.
You know, Rachel, Rick's talking about having your story on his show.
How would you feel about that? Are you kidding? A story about me? O.
K.
We'll check on you later, all right? O.
K.
If I stay a while? Fine.
We have got a full patient load this morning.
Our next patient's People.
Oh, right.
Hi, mom.
He's not here, is he? I'm not ready.
He's not due for another hour.
Are you making a big deal out of dinner? Our usual Wednesday dinner.
Nothing special.
Just starting with split pea soup, then a light salad, then the rack of lamb.
Oh, it's only doogie.
Oh, Mrs.
delpino sent over a lovely spinach souffle.
I've worked with great directors.
Spielberg's one of the best, though I think e.
T.
Was a bit pretentious.
So true, Rick, so true.
As a filmmaker myself, I find the mise en scene incredibly flawed.
Who cares? Shut up.
Vinnie, you saw e.
T.
12 times.
You cry when you hear the music in an elevator.
You don't understand.
He's not in the business.
More water, Rick? I could use a refill, cupcake.
Thank you, darling.
You lead such a glamorous life.
It must be so exciting.
Believe me, my life's more exciting from the outside.
Talk about exciting.
The other day, a man came in, he'd been attacked by his own dog.
It took three hours to sew him up.
Really? Yeah.
Well, who would like dessert? Rick? Sure.
Let me take that, Rick.
A little help, Vinnie? Oh.
I'll take that for you.
So, David, with your busy schedule, you get much chance to catch my show? To be honest, as a doctor, it's difficult for me to appreciate it.
You don't have a single doctor over the age of 35.
That's exactly what my father said.
You remind me of him.
I can see where doogie gets his character.
Was he an actor, too? In a way.
He was a door-to-door salesman for 22 years.
Never asked for any credit.
Sales were his applause.
I owe much of my success to him.
Fathers are the unsung heroes of their sons' lives.
That's a touching tribute, Rick.
Not all sons recognize their fathers' contribution, or if they do, they don't let them know it.
Doogie, you read that script I sent you? No.
I'll read it tonight.
Let me know if there's any technical problems.
Dr.
canfield will be here in a minute.
He wants to show off his 18-year-old doctor to some bigwigs who are springing to upgrade our o.
R.
S.
You don't have to hang around.
I don't mind.
Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dr.
Douglas howser.
How are you? And this is Rick O'Neill.
Dr.
miles chambers.
It's a thrill to meet you.
We were told you were shooting tomorrow.
They're shooting here? That's right.
In the O.
R.
that's being renovated.
It's a publicity stunt.
You know, they look good, we look good.
Why wasn't I told about this? You just were.
Hey! I was almost done with that! Don't open my mail.
Bad day at the office, dear? Kidding? How could I? I had the honor of being in Rick's company for the last 12 hours.
Do I detect sarcasm here? I hate this guy.
This whole thing's become a total joke.
You can't believe the lengths people go to kiss this guy's butt.
Sure, because he's a superstar.
He's not like you and me.
That's what he wants you to think, that he's the wise, compassionate Dr.
chambers.
But the truth is, he is a total phony.
You're the real thing, and Rick's a fraud? That's right.
I see.
Ahem.
It must be cold there in his shadow To never have sunshine on your face 'Cause you are the wind beneath his wings Is there a point to all this? You're jealous, doog.
- What? - Face it.
Your whole life, you've been the center of attention.
Somebody steals your spotlight, you can't handle it.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Au contraire, howser.
If anyone can recognize a man in the throes of a jealous fit, it's me.
O.
K.
Let's just forget it.
Forget I brought it up.
O.
K.
So how was this? It's very moving, actually.
Most shows would have gone for the cheap heroics.
A girl buys it at the end.
What girl? The liver girl.
They find her a donor, but she dies on the table.
See? Right here.
Boom! History.
I thought you loved me.
My responsibility is to my patients.
Cut.
Print it.
That was beautiful, Rick.
O.
K.
, people, let's break for lunch.
How am I doing? Great.
You're doing great.
Rick, I think it's a big mistake to have Rachel's character die.
We felt killing her off would be more dramatic.
Dramatic, maybe, but consider the effect on Rachel.
This could destroy any hope she has for recovery.
What's happened to Rachel is horrible, but l.
a.
med'sjob is to entertain.
What about your responsibility to your audience? Our responsibility is to be medically accurate.
You said liver transplants are risky.
They could go either way.
Why not give her the benefit of the doubt? We made a creative decision.
The decision sucks! People survive liver transplants.
This gives the impression they don't.
What about potential donors who won't come forward after this? We can't be advocates for every cause.
We'd never have patients die.
I'm talking about Rachel.
You changed the rules by making it her show.
She is going to identify with this character.
Rachel's going to be fine.
In my eyes, she's got the best damn doctor in this hospital.
The man is too cool.
No, no.
The man is too pompous.
He is also a self-serving, self-obsessed, egomaniacal, manipulative, patronizing, arrogant weasel.
I'll let him do the show his way.
Then I'll tell everyone I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen.
People will see what a jerk Mr.
l.
a.
medreally is.
Yeah, yeah.
This is perfect.
Howser, howser, howser, howser.
What? I've never seen this twisted, dark side of yours.
Frankly, I'm impressed.
What dark side? Most men would try to overcome their petty jealousy and help the liver girl.
But not you.
You have that rare ability to exact revenge no matter what the cost.
Welcome to the gutter, doog.
O.
K.
, o.
K.
You're right.
I can't believe I'm actually jealous of this creep.
It took me years to get used to living in your shadow.
Eventually I became a human mushroom, flourishing in the dark.
Just learn to get what you need from Rick.
How do I do that? He's filming Rachel's death scene tomorrow.
Simple, doog.
See, doctors have egos.
Genius doctors have even bigger egos.
But nobody sucks the spotlight like an actor.
You want to help Rachel, feed Rick's ego.
All right.
I need you here so he's clear for the medium shot.
Do it.
O.
K.
, people.
Let's have it quiet, please.
Here's your tear, Rick.
Roll, please.
Rolling.
Speed Mark And action! You did everything you could.
How can you say that? When a patient dies, it's never enough.
She was 20 years old.
Cut! What? Sorry, Rick.
Camera problems.
We're going to need a few minutes.
Doogie, Vinnie, the scene you wrote was pretty good.
Yeah? We know it could be better.
You're the professional.
What do you mean, better? Your hearts were in the right place, but this just is not our show.
This is miles chambers' finest moment, using his own blood to save a life.
I should never have let you talk me into Excuse us.
He saves her with his own blood? He might as well transplant his own liver.
You liked it last night.
I was desperate.
This idea of the heroic doctor is crap anyway.
The patients are the heroes.
They go through all the suffering, the pain.
Nobody thinks about that.
They're busy congratulating doctors.
That's good.
What is, Rick? A selfless doctor refusing to take credit for saving his patient's life.
Very noble.
- I'm weeping.
- Me, too.
Somebody get me a writer! Right away! Rolling.
Mark And action! Dr.
chambers? Shh.
You're going to be fine, Rebecca.
Get some sleep.
Congratulations, miles.
That girl owes you her life.
Don't congratulate me, George.
Rebecca's the one who had to go through all the suffering.
For three months, she's been lying here alone, scared, fighting to stay alive.
There's a lesson in her courage, George.
We're not the heroes.
She is.
Dr.
miles chambers, you're wanted in O.
R.
3 for consultation.
Dr.
miles chambers, you're wanted in O.
R.
3 for consultation.
Cut! Print it.
He's terrific, isn't he? Thanks for being my inspiration.
Ohh! Come see me when you get out of here.
O.
K.
All right, Rachel, let's get you back upstairs.
Nurse spaulding, I think I'm going to become an actress when I get out.
I know it won't be easy, but I can take classes Meeting Rick O'Neill was fun, but I'm glad he's history.
Me, too.
Usually I'm just in your shadow.
Around him, I'm so far in the dark, I'm mold.
Imagine the impact it would have had on Rachel.
On our show, we have a responsibility.
We're more than just entertainment.
What a jerk.
Having Rick here wasn't all bad.
Did I miss something? He helped me realize my days of being the famous kid doctor are almost over.
It's o.
K.
Being a doctor's enough.
You love being famous! It's going to kill you.
No way.
Good night, Dr.
howser.
Good night, nurse Richardson.
Keep up the good work.
Good night, nurse Richardson.
Keep up the good work.
I read you like a book, doog.
Get in there.
Come on, let's see what you got.